Matthias' Demise [ATTN: Ata, Perine and Maegan]

[Guest Estel]

ooc: *LENGTH WARNINGS* alright, my advanced apologies for my long-winded stuff. The first is the first of about three posts that I need to set the stage for this and cover some ground in the entire Estel/Orion/Matthias plot. I'll PM everyone when they're needed, and Phase three (the part where other people actually get to join so I can stop talking to myself...) should be up Sunday if I keep on schedule

 

ic:

Estel sat completely stupefied by what the woman had just told her. Moments crept by. Time seemed to have slowed to a snail’s pace as initial shock took place. The young woman simply sat limply in her seat, her hazel eyes enormous, her mouth hanging open. Had she been standing, she would have collapsed and even sitting she felt she might faint.

 

Perhaps it was cliché, but time really did stop for her in that instant. Like a pond frozen in the winter, nothing moved in the space that was the mind of a troubled young woman- not Aes Sedai, she was not worthy of that title. She opened and closed her mouth several times as if trying to speak, to display what went on behind the beautiful, copper-skinned face. But not a sound she made. She was momentarily a mute, the memory of speech driven from her mind in the onslaught of the shock.

 

Finally sound came. No words at first, just sounds; the type of sounds a strangling victim might emit after their ordeal. Strangled syllables eventually became words, stuttered as if she were only learning the art of speech. “I…I…I…I’m…I’m…†She could not go on. It was too much for a woman who was already enduring the maximum she possibly could.

 

The woman seated across from her simply nodded. Whether Estel’s reaction sparked curiosity, or whether the old woman had seen it time and time again went unknown as the recipient of the news struggled.

 

Reflexively her hand shot to her belly, touching it as if to feel what was there, trying desperately to prove the woman wrong. Panic coursed through her, drowning everything else- drowning the shock which had before held her so firmly in its grasp. ’Light, what have I done!’ The thought echoed through her head, repeating over an over again. She seemed to be able to think of nothing else. ’Light! What have I done? What have I DONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE?’

 

Tears crept to eyes too familiar with them. If ever she was broken before, this cracked what was left. ’Why this too? Have you not cursed me enough? Have I not been humbled yet?’ she pleaded with whatever Being could hear her prayer. Or did it go unheard? Offered up to a Thing indifferent to her plight- nonexistent.

 

Anxiety crept into her mind. It was not hers. What was this intruding emotion? Where was its origin? Why did it creep into her private pain? Memories resurfaced, swimming through floods of emotion threatening to overcome the mind it occupied. Matthias. Her Warder Matthias. Orion. The man she loved. The blind man she still loved. Matthias. Orion. Matthias. Orion. Matthias, the father of the child she now carried.

 

She desperately tried to calm herself, to ease whatever anxiety Matthias felt- not for his sake, blood and ashes, no, never for him. She wanted him to just go away. Light, but it would have been so much easier had he never met her- if he had never lived at all. It was a cruel wish, a wish that only deepened her already massive grief. It was so easy to blame him for what was happening to her. So easy to blame everything on him and accept none of it as her own. Accepting that guilt would only bring more pain. Had she not suffered enough? Could she not be allowed the simple comfort of blaming her sorrow on another? Why?

 

All her life she had been able to pass the blame to another. She had been a child then. She was Aes Sedai! She had to take responsibility! Light, but how much less the child was she now, than when she had signed her name in the Novice Book nearly fifteen years ago!

 

Even trying Novice exercises, she could not bring her mind under control. She masked the Bond, effectively cutting that burning link to a man she had never wanted to be linked to. She was such a fool! Now he had yet another tie to her.

 

The child. The child she carried. Why did this bring on so much pain, so much guilt and so much shame? There was an old expression: men were created to plague women. Never had that old adage proved as true as it did now. Without those two, Orion and Matthias- Orion would ever be first in her mind- her life would have been simple. She would have learned to become a Sister, working towards her Causes, perhaps even making a difference in this cruel world.

 

Shame? Shame for sleeping with a man, desperately trying to escape another’s memory. Shame? Shame for not living up to what she was supposed to be; an Aes Sedai should not be so troubled over men! Guilt? Guilt for betraying an unspoken promise to the man she loved. Pain? Pain was the cause of guilt and shame.

 

“Will you shed the child?â€

 

The old woman’s question offered an escape. It offered a way out of the mess she had created for herself- yes, that she had created. She would never have to tell Matthias! She would never have to face the wrath and judgement of the Tower! Orion would never know! She would never have to rear this child- blood and bloody ashes but she didn’t want this child!

 

An escape! What she had pleaded for! Perhaps her silent, desperate prayer had been answered!

 

Deep within every person- even the most evil human being- there is a conscience. This conscience helps us decide what is best and what is right. Sometimes it is deeply buried, sometimes it is fought and sometimes it is ignored. But it is there, and it counselled Estel against that escape- that blessed escape. She reasoned with it. For minutes she sat under the scrutiny of the ancient village Wisdom that had told her the nausea and sickness she had experienced every morning since leaving the Tower was more than some sort of true illness.

 

She told her conscience the child would never be safe if she brought it into this world. Her conscience told her it need at least a chance to live, whether it be safe or in constant danger. Arguing that it was best the child not have to suffer what she suffered, her conscience asked her who she was to make that decision?

 

She made the most difficult decision of her life. Not a word was spoken, not a cruse uttered. She simply shook her head: no. No, she would not take the easy way out as she had nearly every other time in her life. She would not flee from it as she had her step-father. The former heir to the High Seat of House Liones finally stepped up to bear the burden of her actions. Was she finally changing from child to woman?

 

Silence reigned in that small room. With a wave of her hand, she dismissed the Wisdom from her presence. As the woman stumbled slowly away, leaning heavily on a cane gnarled as she was, Estel’s head hit her lumpy pillow.

 

For nearly an hour, she laid on her lumpy mattress in the room she and Matthias were renting at the inn. Finally opening her eyes and wiping her tears, she reached into her saddlebags for the only comfort she had. Strong brandy burned in her throat as she gulped it down, hopelessly trying to loose herself in it and escape her reality.

 

She knew it was childish, but she couldn’t help it. There was only so much a woman- even Aes Sedai were women- could take.

[Guest Estel]

She struggled not to gag as she breathed in the stench. It smelled of rot, the kind of rot one would smell around a town midden heap. It stung her nose as she breathed in, causing her eyes to water but she didn’t dare risk moving to wipe away the tears. Struggling to keep herself from retching the little food she had in her now expanding belly, Estel was aware of how silent she had to be.

 

The damp air slicked her hair to her forehead and she wondered whether it was her imagination or whether the wet earth was really seeping into her boots. Still leery of leaning against the sickly green, yellow and black moss that covered the tree to her left, she squatted at its base motionlessly. Her eyes were glued to the man, half hidden by decaying forest. His words cut across the other noise of the Blight.

 

“End it now! Please madman! We don’t deserve to live! No! Get out of my head! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! We killed them madman! Your wife! Your children! The twins are gone, gone! You killed them! Get out of my head! My name is Braenem! I am not mad! This isn’t real! Light I couldn’t have killed them!â€

 

His sobs filled the Blight with anguish. Perhaps not all the tears running down her face were from breathing in the sickly odour. Light, it was a wretched feeling to relate to someone else’s grief. This boy’s grief only reminded her of her own ever-present sorrows.

 

Without turning her head, she looked at Matthias, only a handful of feet to her right. What she felt through the Bond and the look in his stony eyes was confirmation enough. Before the sight of him could trigger anew the wave of guilt, she embraced saidar and sent a Shield slamming between the boy and the Tainted, male half of the One Power: saidin.

 

Her Warder leapt from his hiding place first, running straight of the obviously mad young man. Against Matthias’ six feet of bulk, the malnourished boy didn’t have a chance. It was moments until Matthias had the boy pinned to the ground.

 

Estel walked slowly to the young man. She already knew what she would find. They were too late. Too late to help. Blood and ashes but it made her feel incompetent to know she couldn’t do anything. The entire trip had been a waste.

 

The boy, obviously Saldaean by his slanted eyes, hooked nose and mustaches, had a feral look. She found herself viewing him as nothing better than a rabid dog. She had always cursed the Red Ajah for viewing these men as such. Light, it was painful knowing you were a hypocrite.

 

Now he must be brought to the Tower. There was nothing else that could be done. She wondered whether she could pass him off to the group of Reds, only a day behind by Matthias’ last estimate, but decided against it. The less she had to deal with those evil women the better.

 

“Tie him Matthias.†It was a command, not a request. Her manner had been cold towards him ever since she had discovered her pregnancy and had had to tell him of it; another memory that still bit.

 

He obliged, and within minutes, they had turned towards home.

[Guest Estel]

Nearly a week of travelling with Braenem was wearing heavily on Estel’s fragile nerves. She had become even more introverted and cold towards Matthias since adding the boy to their group. Every day she was forced to endure holding a Shield on the boy as long as possible, then tying it off to rest. As soon as she figured she was strong enough she would hold the Shield again.

 

Her coppery face was drawn and tight. The bags under her eyes had lately become permanent and often as not she would silently cry herself to sleep. She was such a mess. How could she possibly return to the Tower in such a state?

 

Matthias’ last report had placed the Red party roughly a day and a half behind them- obviously the Reds knew someone was now with the boy, and taking him out of the Blight- and while Estel didn’t press furiously for speed- the race was now over- she set a pace to maintain the distance between them. The few people who saw her now- and Reds were the worst sort of people- the better.

 

Matthias, in his turn, had become distant. They had not shared a bed since leaving the Tower- and apparently conceiving a child. Their relationship as Aes Sedai and Warder was deteriorating fast, not that it had ever been a healthy relationship. Light why did these problems always plague her?

 

She looked back at the boy, bound and tied upright in the saddle of the pack animal. She could feel him pushing at her Shield, striving for saidin. The personality of Braenem would shout curses to her through his gag while whatever else was in his head would scold Braenem.

 

Carise had warned her what a Tainted man was like, but none of her mentor’s teachings could ever prepare her for what lay before her eyes. ’Dear Light, let that not be what my father deteriorated to!’

 

She bit her cheek as tears threatened to come again. Matthias looked over at her and she savagely masked the Bond, glaring at him. Grief was forgotten in a surge of anger. Whether it was anger at herself, her Warder or a bit of both was still a mystery.

 

“Damn you witch! Let me go I say! In the name of the Light let me go! I will destroy you! Like you destroyed your family? No!â€

 

The gag had fallen out, and she jerked her head towards the boy, indicating Matthias should go replace it. Braenem was pushing against the Sheild again, and it was wearing the little strength she had left but she dared not tie it off until he had calmed down.

[Liitha]

M'bela grumbled, she really didnt understand why she had been called out to look for this boy. She had spent weeks hunting, the fortress wanted more acolytes. This morning had just started with another downturn, finaly someone had located the boy and report had reached her. However he was no longer alone, the only good news where that she could reach them, she where aparently ahead of their travel route and could intersept.

 

She looked at the horses goten for her, they would have to do, she hated riding but where geting used to the smelly beasts, and it was bether walking. Hopefully the boy wouldnt cause to much trouble, reports had it he where with a young sedai and a warder, the troubles lay in a bigger group of red ajah trailing behind, she would need to get out of there before they could catch up.

 

Mounting she tugged the reins of the other horse, and rode towards a deserted spot in the road, she could wait in the bushes there and have them stoped without any pesky ligthfriends intersepting or bearing vitness. Mostly peoples would flee from troubles unless the white tower where involved.

 

Hiding the horses she wove an illusion for herself, becoming slightly lower, red hair, green eyes, pale skin. She chose a green dress and then she tied of the weaves and twisted them, as well she wove a hiding for her ability to channel which she twisted as well before leting go of the source. Surprice where the best attac, the child wouldnt know what hit her.

 

M'bela setled to wait, and then finaly saw dust apear down the road, looking one last time against the hide out of the horses to make sure they couldnt be seen she steped out into the road.

[Liitha]

Reposting e-mail

 

The foolish girl simply rode. Unaware that there was danger. Unaware that in the next few moments lives would end and others change. Was it for the better? Perhaps sixty years later she would look back and think it.

 

The fact that she never spoke a word to her Warder before what happened next would often bring on guilt in the years to come. It all happened so quickly she couldn’t comprehend what really happened until after. Al she felt was a snapping sensation in her mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that rock I'm clinging. Since love is Lord of heav'n and earth how can I keep from singing?

-Alyssa

[Liitha]

M'bela waited till they where close, she observed the condition of the boy and then assesed the danger. The warder first, the blow would stun the child and leave her open for an attack, how silly of those witches to chose to enter into such a weakness.

 

M'bela grabed saidar quickly and where weaving fireballs without even waiting on seeing wheter the Aes Sedai where following the events. Two fireballs flew quickly towards the warder and fire erupted, horsescreams mingeling into it all to create the chaos she needed as a knife of air and spirit went out to cut the ropes of the boy.

 

Her voice rung clear through the air as she prepared a new weave, "come on we need to go, no time to dally around" the boy would have to get himself over to her on her own, she would need to focus on the witch.

[Guest Estel]

It wasn't until moments later that Estel realised she was laying on the ground. Dieb, her mare, must have thrown her in its fear when the Fireballs had erupted from the bushes. She lay on the ground, numb to whatever physical pain she had maintained in her fall engulfed instead in that phsycological pain coming from the Bond snapping.

 

Tears- 'Light, am I crying again? Blood and ashes why de tears always come.'- roled down her smooth cheeks. Her thoughts were confused, chaotic. They were juimbling together as if everything wanted to come out at once.

 

In her mind those few seconds where she had felt pain- his pain- replayed over and over again. Again she felt him burn- Light, it felt like she was the one burning! She felt the first ball of Fire rip through his shoulder, tearing that arm free of its body. It scorched his face and chest. In the air, the smell of burning hair and flech was strong. So strong she could nearly taste it. She felt dry ashes suck the moisture from her mouth. Blood and ashes but she wanted to sick-up, only she was too shocked to do that.

 

The second fireball had ripped through his abdomen. The pain was briefer this time but all the more terrible. Matthias' legs had stayed in his stirrups, but the rest of him was propelled backwards, burning, to the ground. For moments- prolonged by her mind- she felt him burn. Felt the last bit of life leak out of him. That life was like a candle: there for a moment and blown out the next.

 

Slowly, as the shock faded, realization dawned. Fireballs did not come out of nowhere. Was she holding saidar? Or was it someone else nearby that was weilding that blessed Power? If she was holding saidar why didn't she feel so alive? Why did she feel so dead?

 

When a young man crosses her field of vision, it hit her like a wrestler's punch. She no longer held his Shield! Someone had come to rescue him! Light, or rather something not of the Light, the Shadow was taking him!

 

She embraced that life-giving Power that was saidar. Embraced it and in moments had a fist of Air hurdling through the distance separating that man from her. He had to die! He had to die or else she would! But who was helping him! From her place on the ground she could not see who it was that he was running to.

 

A second scream, as terrible as those of her now former Warder, rent the air. She watched the fist of Air hit Braenem with such force that, much like the second fireball hitting Matthias, it tore his head right from his shoulders and smashed it into a nearby tree in an explosion of blood.

 

It was not until it was over- two lives had now been extinguished and she could lay them both at her own feet- that she tried to stand. However, she found herself trapped. She had not realized it until now- she had been blinded by the shock of events- but her right leg was trapped beneath the body of her half-burnt mare.

 

A third scream, this time a woman's, filled the clearing so full of death. Her death came now and she knew the Light would not take her side, her sins were too many.

 

ooc: You can let M'Bela have some fun with her before the Reds arrive...

[Liitha]

She felt saidar beeing touched by the other woman, she was to late and could but watch as the boy where killed. "Nooooooooo..." it was anger that passed M'belas lips, and determination as she walked towards the other, keeping up a shield and beeing ready to slice any weaves coming her way. The other must be stuck, a knife flickered into M'belas hand.

 

She was no fool she would need saidar for defence now that other too held the one power. "Die witch" M'bela came into sigth with the other and her eyes where shining of steel cold blue rage, the wind was playing with her illutional blonde hair, as the knife left her fingers she heard a sound and saw dust in the horision, the red group she almost forgot it.

 

Spining around she didnt even bother to see if the knife hit home or not, she would need to get out of here and be long gone before they arived. She hated missions like this, she still kept her shield just in case as she ran for the horses and tossed herself in the sadle.

[Guest Estel]

Fear seized her in its icy grip. Every inch of her being was thrown at trying to free her leg. Pain shot up her leg- if she had paid it any mind she would have guessed it to be broken- but her fear numbed the pain. So much death! And she was about to join the two already gory corpses lying near her.

 

Finally the author of this gruesome tale came into her sight. Nothing seemed significant about the short, pale, red-haired woman save the glow around her announcing the woman's ability to hold onto saidar. This woman approached and simutaneously, so did Estel's death. They were one, death and this woman.

 

Any pity for Matthias' end was soon replaced by pity for her own. At least his had been a surprise. She lay, struggling on the ground knowing her end approached. It tore her up inside. Fear gripped her mind, bitterness stung her heart and hate scourged her soul.

 

Tears ran down her cheeks. They were concieved of the frustration for the futility of her struggle. She could not get out! She wept, she cursed and se prayed.

 

'Light! Don't let me die! Please lift the burden from my leg! Let me escape! Let me at least die on my feet rather than kneeling in the dust!' Memories of her encounter with Rosheen played through her mind. One moment her face lay in the dust of the Warder's Yard, the next in the filth of the Blight. One moment it was Rosheen with her lathe and the next this woman with her knife.

 

The Power had fled her grasp after she had killed Braenem and now when her plight was most serious she reached towards it- only to find her fingers groping at something which slid from them like some slippery fish. In a panic she tried harder and harder but to no avail. She was abandoned. Left to die. Even saidar was gone. Would any even mourn her passing? Surely Orion wouldn't.

 

Suddenly, something delayed what had seeme her inexorable death. The woman turned and before Estel could react, had thrown her dagger. Reflexively, Estel threw her hands up to block herself.

 

Defying reality, the pain shooting through her increased. She let out another scream, unconcious of the possible danger it put her in. Her right arm was afire! It dropped uselessly to her side.

 

Unwillingly, her head turned to look. She nearly fainted at the sight of the dagger sticking through her forearm. Truly the Light had abandoned her. Still she waited for inescapable death to come. Could she not een be spared the quick death the knife offered.

 

In despair, she tried with her right hand to pull the dagger from her arm. But the wave of pain, turning to nausea, forced her to stop. Truly life could not be more cruel.

[perine]

ooc. Let me know if you want something changed. Was not sure how M'bela escapes and all but decided to post so not to keep this rp waiting.

 

ic.A message had come to the Red Ajah about a male channeler wrecking havoc near the Blight Border. Volunteers were quickly picked to take this long hourney. Perine had been one of the first to volunteer along with four other Red Sisters. One of them her friend Maegan. The group had set out immediately for the Blight. The journey would be long and tiresome and they had to get there fast before the man had time to loose all of his control to Saidin and destroy everyone aside him. The reports they had received gave little hope that the man would be able to live a normal life after the gentling that had to come. The taint had gotten a far greater grasp on him for him to survive this.

 

The party rode out in a dense silence, everyone mulling in their own thoughts. They had all read the reports and the ones they heard on the road only confirmed the suspicions. The man was already lost. Perine shook her head at herself. She would not let herself thik so, not before she had seen the man himself. She could not give up yet. She stared into the horizon stubbornly.

 

"We should reach him this evening the latest." Perine said to Maegan who was riding next to her. She had been repeating that same line since morning. Hoping that speaking those words aloud would make them so. The could not waste time. Time had never been their friend.

 

Suddenly they all felt it. Channeling. Someone was channeling Saidar just past the ridges that lay ahead of them. Perine lifted her hand to those riding behind her calling everyone to halt. Yes, someone was channeling. And a lot. No words were needed. The women took one glance at their already tired horses and pushed them to a gallop. They would need to make this gallop. Whatever waited for them would not wait long. They could not spare the horses.

 

"Somethings very wrong!" She shouted at Maegan. "I was not aware that there were any Aes Sedai around here." They rode the horses mouths foaming. Perine saw the other Reds embracing Saidar and quickly followed suit. The channeling got weaker until it ceased completely as they rode over the hill. There on the ground were three bodies, one an Aes Sedai. Estel of the Blue Ajah, Perine recognized. A woman was standing by her waiting to cast her killing strike. But at the sight of the five Aes Sedai she dissapeared. What was Estel doing here? Perine leaped off her horse and and with a quick glance at the Blue Sister to see that she was alive, ran to the body of the male channeler. She kneeled by him and felt for a pulse of life inside him. There was none. Perine sighed deeply and closed the mans eyes that were staring at the sky with a mad glee in them. From her distance she looked at the Blue Sister, her blue eyes icy cold. She could not help but blame the Blue in her mind for the death of the man. The Blue had made their work worthless.

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

OOc: sorry so late.. me had to kick a few RL issues before i was sane enough to post..

Per - You beat me.. *growls and kicks DM for making her lose her brillian post*

 

Ic:

 

 

Maegan cursed under her breath at her own failure. She had felt the channeling, but it was too weak to pinpoint it or even note it's existance. But as they rode closer, she knew better than to have dismissed the feeling.

 

"Somethings very wrong!" Perine shouted. "I was not aware that there were any Aes Sedai around here." Kneeing her horse out of the canter and into a full on gallop, she tucked away her spectacles and embraced the power, weaving it through her own vision to catch a clearer sight as, although they were rapidly gaining on the channeler, it was obvious that Mae had been partially right. it was very weak, and for a very very serious reason.

 

Upon the scene, her first reaction was to protect. A Shielding weave was already halfway in place along with a dagger of air and earth to 'throw' at the attacker. To attack an Aes Sedai was enough to save her from denying her oaths. If in defense.. But before she could even attempt to place a weave the attacker disappeared.

 

Jumping very nimbly off her horse, only second to Perine, she went straight to Estel's side, Delving into her body, frowning at her own findings. Doing what little she knew in forms of healing, she looked to Perine.

 

"We need to her her to a proper bed and quick. And a wisdom. Without a yellow, we can not hope to help her any more than what I've done."

 

She surveyed the mess, and looked to Perine with a soft look. "What has been done has already been woven by the wheel, Sister. Let us save what we can. You and I to the nearest town, and we will leave the rest of our sisters to bury the dead. And if that woman comes back, we can link and fend her off. She could not be much stronger than us to if Estel Sedai is still alive after Shielding the male and protecting herself after such a journey then we are in good shape, but only if we hurry."

 

 

Mae

Sister ?? or Sitter.. not that it matters.. :P

[Guest Estel]

The world around her was fuzzy. She couldn’t summon the concentration to focus her eyes. She was in too much pain. Estel lay on the ground, helpless should any beast of the Blight choose to make her their next victim. Low groaning and weeping noises echoed through the dead forest. Her leg was trapped beneath her dead mount and her arm had a knife through it.

 

She slowly lost strength as blood seeped from the wound in her arm. Silent tears ran down her cheeks for she did not have the strength to cry out. There in the middle of the Blight, lay an Aes Sedai- undeserving of that name- a piteous wretch and shell of her former self.

 

To die now would be a blessing. It would be a release from the pain that swept over her body in nauseating waves and the searing pain that tore her soul. In what were her final moments, she laid on the ground, a thing of self pity and loathing. Guilt made her long to rip the knife from her arm and plunge it into her heart. She had betrayed everything; the Tower, Orion, Matthias, Carise, herself, her Cause… Now she was repaying those sins. Blood required blood- her blood.

 

The need to end her torment was so strong had the strength not been sapped from her body, she would have pulled the knife free of her arm, heedless of whatever pain that caused- after all, she deserved it didn’t she?- and cut her own throat. Was she allowed that little relief? Or were her sins so great she deserved this slow, agonizing end?

 

The dull thudding of hooves, vibrating the ground upon which she lay and ringing in her ears were barely registered by her troubled mind. It no longer mattered whether the newcomers were friend or foe, so long as the torture would stop. Had she been able to call out, she would have begged for death.

 

What had happened to Estel? Where had the young woman, so full of life and passion gone? Had she fled this being, so devoid of everything but hate, in fear? Or had that abhorring thing killed her?

 

Sudden pain shot through her arm, piercing her mind like an arrow. Impossibly, her ragged voice let forth another terrible cry. She stood in her pyre of agony, writhing, trying to escape. Limbs that had before hung limp flailed, trying to protect her wound from whatever had caused the pain. Almost like a release though, the pain quickly began to ebb. It was like sitting on a mossy rock after the rain. She slowly began to slide down it, down into the dark hole below. Finally death came to swallow her…

 

And then…Then she opened her eyes. They fluttered open for a moment, but enough to catch a glimpse of one face- Maegan. They had known each other during their initiate years, but she had chosen Red. Reds… The group of Red Sisters had caught up? That must be it… She slid into unconsciousness, troubled by fevered nightmares.

 

’The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.’

 

Where had that come from? It was like some disembodied voice, warning her, reminding her, of something she had forgotten.

 

“Did you hear that?†Matthias hissed.

 

He had heard something- that was never good. His hearing was better than hers, and he often knew if someone- or something- was close. His instincts had saved them many times from certain death.

 

They crept forwards hesitantly, until she too could hear something, like the sound of a struggle. Was it another fist of Trollocs? Would they have to run to save their hides again? Or was it the man they had been looking for? She didn’t think it was Shadowspan, after all, being Aes Sedai, she could usually sense their foulness, as could Matthias. If it were Shadowspan, he wouldn’t be sneaking up on them, he would be hurrying her away, hoping to fight them himself without endangering her. As if she would let him.

 

As they crept forwards, guttural shrieks filled the air, along with deep curses. The curses came from no Trolloc, and no Myrdraal either. Was this the mysterious man who could channel?

 

Matthias motioned for her to stay back as he went closer. Grim determination and sternness meant for her flooded through the bond. She ignored his warning and crept forward with him. They were in this together.

 

As their heads broke through the trees, she saw a man, battling against an entire fist of Trollocs. His blade was out, and black blood dripped off the end of the flashing sword, but that wasn’t what held the Shadowspan at bay. An enormous tornado of fire spun ahead of the man as he charged again and again into the beasts’ ranks. The scent of burning flesh joined the already putrid smell of the decaying vegetation around them. The carnage of the man’s fight, and the fetid trees was sickening.

 

They watched as the man pulled his sword from the last Trolloc, and wiped his sword on its pant leg before sheathing the weapon. By the way he moved, and the way he handled his blade, she could tell he knew how to use the weapon. He moved and used the sword like Matthias.

 

When the inferno, and other fires had dissipated, she made a spilt-second decision, that had been half-made up in her mind already. She thought the man had released saidin, so she quickly embraced the Source and slammed a shield between him and the male-half of the One Power.

 

With a roar, the man sprang up and drew his blade. Scanning the trees with a vengeance, he searched wildly for them.

 

“Where are you Aes Sedai? Don’t make me hurt you, I do not like to hurt women, but I will kill you if I have to. Let me go and I won’t hurt you, but I’ll still have to take you to the Tower.â€

 

The Tower? Why would he take her to the White Tower? Would he not wan to avoid the place because of what he was? Who he was? What he could do?

 

Suddenly, his eyes stopped on the place where she and Matthias knelt in the trees. For a split second, she got her first good look at him.

 

He was an incredibly tall man, nearly as tall as an Ogeir, she guessed him to be about seven feet tall. He was not only the tallest man she had ever seen, but one of the ugliest. He had a scar that turned the right side of his mouth in a sneer, and ran along his cheekbone, until it nearly clipped the edge of his eye. His left eye was gone, likely taken by the cut that left a great rent in his forehead. He was a Sheineran, judging by the warrior’s topknot which covered the end of another hideous scar. He wore a black coat, with two pins on the collar, he was too far away for her to make out the pins, but they sparkled like gold and silver. He was a muscular man, and he moved like a Warder. He moved like the scabbard on his hip was part of him, and his hand never wavered as he pointed his heavy broad sword at them.

 

Then, he charged. Matthias ran to meet The Thistledown Floats on the Wind with The Boar Rushes Down the Mountain. The tow men danced through the forms, and Estel remembered her lessons with Matthias when they had first met. That had been a long time ago.

 

“Are you going to bind him or not?â€

 

Matthias’s voice was strained as he locked blades with the man in the black coat. It was obvious that her Warder was outmatched, the man was an excellent swordsman. She was not a Blademaster, but she thought the Sheineran’s sword should be heron-marked.

 

“I must gain his trust. Please, we will not hurt you if you do not threaten us. We are here to help. There is a group of Red Sisters coming after you, and…â€

 

“And you’re with them no doubt!†His voice was filled with deep hatred, much of the same hatred she herself had when she spoke of the Reds.

 

“I cannot hold him much longer, if you do not bind him, I will die.â€

 

Matthias was really sounding strained, what was she to do?

 

’The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.’

 

As the voice startled her while she wove the threads of Air, the Sheineran’s sword exploded through Matthias’s middle, as the Kingfisher Takes the Silverback found its mark. Matthias’s face was twisted in surprise as he fell. She had done this. She had failed him.

 

“Nooooooo!â€

 

Her voice was filled with fury and bone-deep loss, as the Warder bond disappeared as Matthias took his last breath. Lightning fell from the sky as she drew deeply into saidar, letting the sweet bliss of it fill her with the pain of taking in her capacity. If she took in more, she would die.

 

Bonds of Air wrapped themselves wrathfully around the tall Borderlander. She saw his face twist in pain as she twisted the bonds tighter and tighter. She was going to squeeze the very life out of him. She would kill him as she had killed her beloved Matthias.

 

’I bloody killed him. Not this man. I could have prevented it, but I… couldn’t. I failed.’ Her thoughts struck home and she fell to the ground weeping, as her bonds loosened a little around the man. How could she have let her Matthias die? But, she still had her cause. She could not kill this man. She still had her cause.

 

’The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.’

 

She saw behind the man, a stone arch. She knew the voice came from there, and told her to go through.

 

The man, began to struggle against his shield. In her distress, she was having trouble embracing saidar, and she could not hold both shield and bonds in her condition. She didn’t have the strength to move him, and if he broke through the shield, she would meet her end, just like Matthias. She needed to continue her cause, or the Red Ajah won. There was only one thing to do. As much as it hurt her, and as much as it seemed like a contradiction to her cause, she let loose his bonds, and let loose a fireball that enveloped his body in flames. Distraught, she threw herself at the arch. Light burned her to ash.

 

Sometimes that vision- the memory of her third Arch- was clearer, and other times jumbled with the events of that day in the Blight. It kept repeating over and over again in Estel’s fevered mind. Would the torment never end? She knew what she had done? Could she not die and be released from this cruel world? Or was she already dead? Was this her eternal punishment?

 

Momentarily, she flickered back into consciousness. “Where am I? What’s happened? Light, Matthias! Why?†Again she fell to the blackness of her nightmares.

[perine]

At Maegan's words Perine snapped out of her angry thoughts towards the Blue Sister. She had never been one to hold venegance to the Blue Ajah. No, She had lost a few mentees to that Ajah. And she was proud to say that the girls had turned into fine women. No doubt they would have made great Reds, but now as the time had passed she knew that they had only followed their heart. Like they should.

 

Perine took one last glance at the dead Male Channeler. "May you find peace from Saidin." she whispered to the man and pushed herself up from the groud and joined Maegan by the Blue Sister.

 

She kneeled to Estel's broken hand and reached for the pouch she held on her waist. She had carried one like it for so many years now. She searched her pouch until she found the dried leaves of Lionheart and Foxtail. Moving with a knowledge she was sure to have forgotten, Perine heated water and added the herbs to it. She wet a cloth in the mixture and placed it firmly over Estel's arm. "That should give her a time without pain and more restful sleep." Perine said and glanced quickly at Maegan. She was not sure if the other Reds knew of her passion to herbs. "I used to study with a Wisdom, before coming to the Tower."

 

"But you are right, Maegan. We need to get her to a solid bed and a well trained Wisdom. I dont have the herbs needed to heal her completely. The yellows can do the rest, but she needs a wisdom, now." Perine looked at the unconcious Blue Sister.

 

"It's a days ride to the town we passed last. We best leave immediately." she said and looked back at the way they had come. The horses were in no shape for another quick gallop, but neither was Estel. They could keep her on the horse with air on a slow treck. The ride would not do her good.

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

As much as she wanted to answer the woman's questions, they were not a priority when she was unconsious. Looking up she frowned. Maegan saw the same plight as Perine.

 

They had no time to waste, but no way of getting to town before nightfall. Tacking her cloak off her back, she worked with Perine to help Estel onto the horses. Maegan kept the fact that Perine was frowning over who they found and what had happened. Mae was one of the few rumoured Aes Sedai that treated each Ajah the same. Well, kept outward Hostilities to other colours to a bare minimum. She had only so much respect for those that wasted thier time with the shawl. They were sisters, after all.

 

"I have an idea. It will tire us out, but we can rest after. I can heal the Fatigue from teh horses if you hold up Estel. We can gallop to town faster that way without jepordizing the horses." Climbing up onto her horse with Estel in front of her, Maegan pulled ont he reigns.

 

"When we reach the town, i will take her to the first inn i see. You search for a Wisdom. I wouldn't know the first place to look for one so i would not be of much use searching." Embracing the one power. "Will that work for you?"

 

 

Mae

[perine]

Perine nodded. "Of course Maegan." she said and mounted her horse. She embraced Saidar again and channeled thick strands of air around Estel to keep her sitting steady on the horse. "Find us when you are finished here." Perine shouted to her Sisters left behind, and the two horses started off towards the nearest town.

 

They finally reached the town as night had fallen upon them. Perine turned to Maegan. "I'll let go of the weaves now and search for the Wisdom. I'll come to the inn as fast as I can manage. Will you be alright?" The red asked and when Maegan confirmed that she would manage, Perine pushed her horse forward once more to search for a familiar looking house.

 

It did not take her long to find a store. Even on a windless night like this she could smell the faint scent of herbs having being used. And the window to the store was another give away. Various herbs hung on the window. Perine jumped off her horse and knocked heavily on the door. No answer greeted her. She banged again and started to think if she should channel the door open. Just as she was about to embrace Saidar a woman came to the door, holding a dagger visible in her hands. "What dod you want at this time of night, Lady?" She asked with sleep in her eyes. Perine did not waste time to explain Estel's wounds. The wisdom nodded and then retreated inside. Perine could hear her going through her cupboards and boxes for the remedies she would need.

 

The two women kept a quick pace without running to the inn. The innkeeper showed them upstairs to a room he had given to Estel. Perine followed the Wisdom to the room and then stood to the side. She would know what to do and surely did not need untrained women, be them Aes Sedai, confusing her work. Perine gavve Maegan a weak smile and kept her concerned look on the bed and the Wisdom at work.

[Guest Estel]

Drifting in and out of consciousness, Estel forced her fevered mind to piece things together. She groaned softly as arms lifted her down from a horse. Pain that had begun to dull flared again as her maimed arm fell uselessly, sending pain shooting through her body. Tears fell and she slipped back into unconsciousness, overwhelmed by pain.

 

Her next bout of awareness came as hands passed over her. Her vision was blurred and with consciousness came pain. She seemed to have no control over her voice and low moaning and weeping seemed to permeate the otherwise deathly silent room. Two shapes stood at the door but her eyes blurred them beyond recognition. Barely audible muttering was whispered above her head and hands searched her body. Suddenly those hands found her arm and with a cry she fell back into black.

 

Some time later, she awoke. Her vision seemed to be back and the pain was no longer unbearable. Weakly she tried to push herself up, but her right arm collapsed beneath her weight. She did her best to scan her surroundings from her lying position and eventually came upon something that shouldn’t have been there- or rather two things.

 

“Why are you two here?†she asked the two women who were watching her closely. Anger and hate burned through her.

[perine]

ooc. I'll be gone til Tuesday. Going to a rock-festival this weekend. So wont be posting until then.

 

ic. The wisdom did her macig on Estel's arm and soon it was tied up and stitched together. The woman left ingredients for a poultice that was to be changed every three hours and instructions for Perine on how to mix it. Estel was unconcious. Her moanings and pain filled weeping had rid Perine of all the anger she had felt over the days happening. She could not blame Estel for what happened. Whatever it was.

 

The two Reds stood by the side of the room, making sure to converse in silence so not to wake the Blue. Perine could not understand how Estel had managed to come here alone, accompanied by only a Tower Guard. Or was the man perhaps her Warder? Be as it may, it was an answer Perine hoped to get out of Estel sometime when she would have recovered enough.

 

“Why are you two here?â€a voice from the bed came. A voice not full of relief at being alive or indoors. But one filled with almost anger. Perine looked at the Blue slowly.

 

"We came after the reports of the Male Channeler. I'm sure you know that." Perine said trying to sound calm and understanding. But Estel's words stung her. "You were injured and we brought you to this inn. A wisdom has helped fix your arm. But you should treat it with care. It is far from mended." She added. "How are you feeling?" Perine finally asked her face full of concern. The wound was healed as well as the Wisdom could manage but it could fester still and cause a lot of trouble.

[Guest Estel]

Estel glared across the room at the woman. 'Blood and bloody ashes! Why is it always the Reds?' She bit back the urge to scream "Why should you care?" and instead lifted up her arm. Gently she ran her finger down the stitches. 'This is what I get in exchange for two men's lives?'

 

Male channeler... She wanted to blame him for everything that had fallen out. But something prevented her, perhaps she was finally maturing- taking blame when the fault was hers. Unfortunatly the thoughts were not comforting in the least.

 

Suddenly, a horrifying notion hit her. Immediately her good hand flew to her belly. A look of concern passed through Perrine's eyes as Estel's face became a mask of horror and worry. "My child..." she whispered faintly.

 

A moment later, she wished she hadn't. Now they knew. She winced for what was to come.

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

Maegan watched from the opposite side of the bed as Perine worked. She made a note to herself to study a bit more outside of the Libaries for it seemd that not all knowledge can come from a book, although the womans choice of herbs made sense. Maegan was familiar witht he herbs, but would not have thought of them in that combination. Maybe some study with the yellows would help this.

 

But her concern broke through as Estel woke up, inevitably releasing a secret that should have been left unspoken. "..My Child."

 

Looking to Perine's face, Maegan only kept her face calm as she spoke. "Is fine. Small for what i will guess it should be, but the child is healthy and lives. Although, that is purely dependant on your willingness to allow two Red sisters help you." She did not smile softly, but her face nor eyes judged the woman. Pushing a strand of her hair away from her specticlesand face, she looked to Perine. "We have no reason to spout this knowledge to the rest of the Tower. The child is yours, not thiers."

 

 

Maegan Ryanne

Reddie

[Guest Estel]

Slowly she sank back into her bed, completely limp. As ever, emotions ran through her, chaotic in their need to be addressed by her consciousness. Light, she hated these women for who they were, what they did, but they had saved her! 'Light, why can't something in my life be simple just once! Anyone else would have been better!' But she could not deny that she owed them at least a little gratitude. 'A little, they're keeping your secret too! Damn you woman can't you breal your stubborness just once!'

 

Quietly, almost on the edge of audibility she muttered something her mother would have been scandalized to hear her say. "Thank you both. For-" she swallowed, damn her but she hated this "-saving me and-" another pause as she forced herself to say it "keeping my secret."

 

Moments of silence ensued as the apology- quiet as it was- reverberated in her ears. Memories of the day of horror washed over her anew, adding a new concern. "What did you do with his body?"

[perine]

ooc. *cough* ummm... This took me alot longer than I had thought possible... sorry.

 

"..My Child." the Blue had whispered. Those soft words left and impact on Perine even though she had suspected something. But the softness in them triggered something. She could see Leona, still a novice smiling at the Red and pointing out that the extra weight she had gained and the nausia was caused by the fact that she was pregnant. She could hear her happy voice saying that it was most likely a boy by the way Perine carried it. Somewhere in the back of her mind Perine heard Maegan respond to the Blue Sisters words, but before her she saw the desperation in her own actions so long ago at hearing Leona's words. She felt the fear and hopelessness all over again. And she could see the staircase coming close to greet her when she lounged herself to a death that would not take her.

 

"What did you do with his body?"The words spoken from the bed brought Perine back to the room in the inn. She blinked to get her vision back to normal and had to fight to gather her thoughts, push her past behind to stop her heart from beating out of her chest and a scream of terror from escaping her lips. She still managed to answer the question.

 

"We left three of our sisters behind to bury both the men." she said and looked to Estel wondering. Had the man been his Warder? If so she seemed to manage the breaking of the bond well. Not that Perine would know how something like it felt. All she could reflect to was what she had heard others say of such a thing.

 

"You need rest," Perine said to the Blue Sister. There were tons of questions going through her mind, questions she wanted to ask Estel, but knew that this was neither the time or the place. She had barely survived with her life, it was no time to start pointing the blame. "We should retreat back to the Tower as soon you are fit to ride." she added and wondered if they should leave the blue alone with her thoughts. There was a report that needed to be written on the accounts of this mission, but Perine was not looking forward to making one.

[Guest Estel]

At Perine’s words, Estel sank back into her pillow, loosening the muscles she had not realized were tensed. ‘The Last Embrace of the Mother welcome you home, Matthias Gaidin.’ But how did that make her feel? How should she feel? Light, the man had brought her nothing but more misery; not of his doing but of hers. She had created this mess. It wasn’t Matthias’ fault he ended up with an Aes Sedai who wanted nothing to do with him. ‘He deserved better than me. Burn me, he was a true gaidin until the end, but I...’ Her mind didn’t need to finish the thought, her heart wept.

 

“You need rest.â€

 

A bitter laugh formed in her mouth, but she bit it back. Rest? Rest! How in the Pit of Doom was she supposed to rest! Sleep meant slipping back into that sea of dreams she had been drowning in since Matthias... Already tears began to well. Damn the man! Damn that bloody man! If only he hadn’t...- even her mind would not admit he was dead, that she had killed him; she had always found it easier to live a lie than face the truth. ‘If only... If only... Light, let them stop! I don’t want to wish for things to change anymore. I want them to actually change!’ But it couldn’t. No one could raise the dead. She couldn’t change what she’d already done. But she could change herself. She could change so this wouldn’t happen again.

 

‘You were already given that chance and you couldn’t. What makes you think this will?’

 

‘This is different! I don’t want to feel this pain! I don’t want this to happen again.’

 

‘How much less painful is facing yourself? Do you want to face your fears again? Blood and ashes, your Arches tore you apart! That just showed you your fear. What about your lies? In inabilities? Are you ready to admit you are corrupt? Are you ready to admit you’re afraid of everyone...’

 

‘I’m not paranoid!’

 

Her conscience laughed. It knew it had won. Even now, after al this, she couldn’t let her shields down. ‘Would you even let Orion scratch the surface? You never let Carise in.’

It was hard to imagine that so much could have run through her mind in such a short time. She hard hardly time to breath more than a few times before Perine’s next comment was too much. "We should retreat back to the Tower as soon you are fit to ride.†Estel let out a bitter laugh. Retreat? She would much rather stay here than face what lay in Tar Valon’s tower. But then, she had never been strong enough to face anything with any semblance of courage.

 

Her last thought as Perine and Meghan abandoned her to her misery was whether she didn’t hate the Reds, but rather envied their courage.

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Pain threatened to overcome her as she screamed with all her might. It was like nothing she had ever known. Every breath was a gasp and with it came the pain. She would often find herself holding her breath so that the pain would dull. Every time, though, as she was on the verge of losing consciousness, she would gasp for air. It felt as if she was being stabbed. The knife tore at her belly.

 

She struggled down the path. Pebbles dug into her feet, hurting the cuts made by sharper rocks. Compared to the pain in her womb, though, it was like a flybite to being tortured. Practically delirious in pain, she stumbled down the rocky slope, grabbing onto the sheer, slippery stone walls on either side. Only luck had helped her keep her feet but she knew it wouldn’t last much longer. Soon she would fall and not be able to get up. As to where this mysterious slope led, she had no idea. Why was she following it? Where was she? How did she get here? Was she alone? The questions plagued her mind but they were a trifling matter compared to the pain she was experiencing.

 

Finally, it happened. Gasping for breath, pain gripped her body in such a fierce grip that she lost her balance. She slid down the path; the scrapes from the rocky ground insignificant as she now rolled in a ball and clutched her belly. To curl up into foetal position seemed an instinct engraved in everything- to make yourself as small a target as possible. Not that her new position did anything to lessen the pain.

 

Skidding to a stop, she sprawled out as suddenly the pain reached a sort of pinnacle. It began to pulse and she knew she could delay no longer. Instinct took over. Wild animals had no one to teach or help them in this process, so why should humans? Even humans have this instinct. But where did it come from? Was it a miracle?

 

Whether or not the instinct was a miracle didn’t matter when it was finally over. But rather than holding some beautiful baby, with ten fingers and toes, two eyes, a nose and mouth, Estel looked upon the thing she had just given birth to in horror and revulsion. A trolloc? But how could this be? The thing squirmed in her arms. Like any other baby, it made use of its new lungs and screams rent the air around mother and... child? As if joining the babe in some sort of infernal choir, Estel’s screams joined it.

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Hands shook her awake. During the course of her nightmares, she had thrown all her sheets from the bed and had even managed to throw herself from it. Suddenly sitting up, the place where she had lain, thrashing about, was clearly marked in a residue of sweat. Estel’s body shook, quivering in terror. Was that what she carried? Her hand again went to her belly. Would she give birth to some sort of Shadowspan? Would that finally atone for her sins?

 

She must have been screaming, for both Meghan and Perine looked upon her with concern. Hatred returning, she glared at them, her face nearly contorted into a snarl. Practically flinging herself away from them, she slowly recovered from her terror.

 

When she was at a point where she had a least a little control over herself, she broke the silence that had fallen upon the room. It was a question, sounding almost sheepish, though it still held a hint of hatred which kept it from being apologetic. “Is it time to go already?â€

 

Ooc: Meg, Perine, Ata, thank you all SOOO much for helping me with this. My Reddies, we can continue this if Meg and Perine want to get some answers from Estel or anything. It’s up to you.