Death in Winter (attn Corwin and others)

[Eqwina]

The creak of the saddle and the sound of branches snapping from the cold were the only sounds. From under the brim of plumed hat Eqwina glanced at Corwin.

 

He was..solid and often grim; a very far cry from the men she usually choose to spend time with. In the months since she had acquired Corwin’s company Eqwina had learned what a true trial men could be.

 

Only two other men had been so long by her side, and both had been far more pleasurable than this. Her plump lips curved into a smile just thinking about those two men. First it had been her sweet innocent Nevin whose heart had hung around her neck. Sub consciously her handed drifted to the necklace that still resided and in fact never left her neck. Some times at night Eqwina would lay there tracing her fingers across the small shield, thinking about what could have been.

 

Then there had been Drak…

 

Eqwina’s cheeks heated and she gently tugged her hat forward hoping Corwin would take her red cheeks as just an effect of the bitter cold.

 

Not so many men for one woman, especially in a lifetime as long as hers would be. Eqwina shook her head. The nature of the relationship she and Corwin were forming was nothing like those had been.

Their relationship was based on tolerance not love or lust. Light! Never those. Eqwina thought. Still Corwin was a formidable man, and he had been handy more than once with that sword of his. Still Eqwina liked a man who knew when to defer and there was no sign of that in him. There was far too much the feeling of equals between them, not Aes Sedai and Warder, it would never due.

 

In the distance the smoke from a chimney drifted over a snow covered hill. Eqwina reined Nightlily to a stop gently and turned to Corwin. His cold eyes searched the horizon for any signs of danger.

 

Eqwina opened her mouth to speak and Corwin put up a hand, motioning her to silence. “Oh yes FAR to much the feeling of equals”

 

“Listen Corwin, I don’t care what you think I am going to get out of this blasted cold.” It grated her that she spoke at barely above a whisper. “We are going to stay out of sight until we are sure the house is abandoned, if it is not we ride on. If it is we finally have a place out of the weather.”[/i] she fixed him with a level stare, refusing to blink until Corwin nodded his assent. Light every decision made with him was like pulling teeth

 

[Corwin]

Corwin stared at the woman.  She may be Aes Sedai, but she knew nothing about some things and insisted to plunge in. More than once she had caused unnecessary trouble.  One thing Corwin could not stand is when someone's incompetence brought unnecessary trouble.  It was a trial of his patience to not completely loose his temper with her.

 

Eqwina was a mystery to him still.  He saw a freedom in her that he desired to a point, but he didn't know if it was worth the price to pay.  He had give up on the Light long ago, but he considered himself more in a neutral position than anything else.  As the journey continued he noticed that she wasn't one for the outdoors.  He didn't like the cold any more than her, but she needed to know that it wasn't as simple as walk up and see.  In these parts people didn't like being scared, especially with times being as hard as they are lately.  But it seemed Eqwina didn't care, she knew what she wanted and didn't mind what damage it would cause.  It frustrated him to no end.

 

Life was never the best with her.  She tried to make the decisions too much.  She said she wanted his help, yet she never seemed to realize that he had his job, and he was going to do it.  color=green]Fine, if you want it that much we can stay there, but I wont drive the family away from their home just so we can be warm.[/color]  Eqwina gave him a rueful look, she wanted to think of nothing but warming up.  As they plodded through the snow, Corwin watched for signs of life, but as they came to the farm, no one was home.  It was as if they had suddenly disappeared.  Everything was there as if they had left in a hurry.  As they walked through the house, Eqwina gave a look to Corwin as if to tell him 'and you though I was wrong.'  Warming up, Corwin had no qualms with spending a few hours resting.  He didn't need her getting any leverage on him anyway.  She always seemed to think she was perfectly right, and if he questioned her he was an idiot.  But the time would come when she would have to realize he did what he did for a reason.

 

Winter had been particularly hard, and it didn't look like it was going to let up.  No one knew how long they would be delayed from traveling down South.  There was too much snow on the roads, and the rivers were all frozen solid.  Taking a seat, Corwin spent his time contemplating their journey.  It wasn't going to be the greatest, but he didn't mind the company.  As frustrating as she was, some company was much better than none.

 

Corwin

[Eqwina]

Learning to pick your battles could be the saving grace of any relationship; so Eqwina simply gave Corwin a wry smile and kept her mouth shut.

 

The house did indeed appear to have been abandoned in mid-meal, seeing the house empty Eqwina did allow herself a smug smile.  If only the man would learn to listen we could get along famously she thought, but not wanting to waste too much energy on far fetched dreams Eqwina quickly began opening doors searching for a proper place for the horses. Most people would say the barn, but Boarderland winter was far to harsh for Nightlily. Much to her surprise it only took a few words to get the bloody man to agree that a small back bedroom with a fireplace, was far superior to traipsing back and forth to the barn.

 

Once the fire was lit and the horses hobbled Eqwina began to take a good look around. The wooden walls in the room were bare, except for a few hooks obviously meant for cloaks. The rough floors, also wood had been well maintained, if cheaply cut. Only a few pieces of furniture dotted the small front room, all arranged close around the rooms only source of heat. The black stove was battered and old, but when lit, it filled the space with warmth.

 

Still wrapped in the fox lined cloak Eqwina settled into the rocking chair nearest the flames. Ignoring the cold was not the same as being warm, and she intended to make sure the heat sank into her bones.

 

For a time she was content to sit in silence, enjoying the heat. Warm nights had been few and far between in the last weeks. “I think we should stay here, until at least the harshest of the winter breaks, it cannot last forever, even here.”

 

Standing she finally shed her cloak, revealing luminous golden silk only slightly wrinkled from travel. A faint whisk followed her passage through the room. Channeling a flow of air Eqwina floated her cloak and Corwin’s to the abandoned hooks along the wall.

 

“ I can not picture the family returning before we are well on our way, only a fool travels in this weather.” Looking over her shoulder at Corwin her lips twitched with an effort not to smile.

 

Harmony and picking your battled was all well and good, but a little sport would not hurt.

 

[Corwin]

Corwin watched the woman move, he could see a freedom in her that is stunning.  But it was something that Corwin just couldn't accept.  She didn't care what had to be done, at least no Dark Friend he had ever met before did, and he suspected she was the same.  The day progressed the same as most others, and it was nightfall before Corwin made supper.  Corwin knew waiting would simply agitate her, but he wasn't hungry until nightfall.  The whole day Corwin continued to ponder about the freedom Eqwina seemed to have.  And what it was she wanted of him, there had to be some reason why she wanted someone with his skill.  Last he was in the Yard, there were plenty of options.

 

And then there was Eleanor.  Would Corwin see her now?  Would he finally find the woman that had tamed him?  He didn't know what he would do if he found her again.  She had murdered Calliste.  She had murdered his first child....  But that wasn't for him to worry about right now.  As Corwin came back to the house to prepare a meal, Corwin could see the loving look Eqwina gave him.  She must be livid over his absence.  But if she wanted him, she had to learn to cope with him leaving to check things and while doing so clear his mind.

 

Corwin went about his preparations for food.  It looked like all of the cooking items were well used and worked in.  That would help that things didn't taste so terrible.  After heating up a kettle, Corwin went to change out of his bloody clothes.  He smelled of death, and he enjoyed the smell, but he didn't want to cook in those clothes.  Coming into the room, he could see Eqwina following him with her intense eyes.  Going back outside, Corwin used his knife to slice off some of the deer he had just killed hours before.  Luckily the weather was so cold that he didn't have to do much to preserve it beyond using the snow for freezing it.  Walking back into the house, Corwin cut the meat into chunks, enough for two if Eqwina wanted to eat as well, but judging by the look on her face, that might be something she wasn't exactly thinking about at the moment.

 

Corwin

[Eqwina]

Her delicate nose wrinkled in disgust at the sight of Corwin in bloodied clothes. Killing was a necessary and sometimes enjoyable part of life, but the mess it created often left Eqwina writhing.

 

Turning her back on the sight she paced the room gently running her hand across the spine of a dusty old book. Adventures and pointless romances, typical of the lower class. Eqwina mussed. Would they never understand that going out and living life was better than any book. At one time in her life she had been that way, caught up in the stories of other peoples lives, but not now; not since she found a new thrill. Idly her fingers stroked her belt knife, there was always a certain thrill to doing a task with your hands.

The sounds of ripping flesh as the sharp knife hacked through the meat made Eqwina turn back to face Corwin. It was about time he started their meal

 

Her emerald eyes bore into his back as he stood at the kitchen counter. The set of his strong shoulders said that he knew, and did not care. Gathering her skirts in her hands Eqwina picked her way carefully across the floor until she was standing at Corwin’s shoulder. Reaching up on tip toes she gently brushed his hair away from his face, he recoiled like a frightened snake. Eqwina clicked her tongue in vexation. “Really Corwin, you should know by now my intentions towards you! Eqwina trailed her nails down his arm as she walked away to take a seat at the table. It was always best to begin gently with men, and of course a little flirting could never hurt.

“My intentions or shall I say..plans are what I wanted to speak with you about.” She lifted her eyebrows slightly making the gem dangling down her forehead glimmer as it caught the light. “Look at me Corwin” Her voice was ice. “Mothers milk in a cup I said look at me you great ox” Her passionate words were at odds with the chill in her voice. Still Corwin made no move to turn around and Eqwina’s hand drifted towards her belt knife.

Not allowing herself to sigh Eqwina dropped her hand, the knife wouldn’t do her any good anyway; not with a man Corwin’s size. “Fine, if you don’t care to talk about what the future holds then I will leave it alone.” Gathering her skirts she headed towards the back room to check on Nightlily. “Call me when you have the dinner prepared”

 

For the life of her Eqwina could not figure out why she continued to tolerate this man. She decided right then that the first town they passed is where she would see the last of Corwin. A woman could only tolerate so much after all!

 

[Corwin]

Corwin wasn't going to look at the woman.  He didn't want to know what she wanted from him.  The woman was nothing but trouble.  He didn't know what it was, but something had her trying to tame him.  He had only felt that touch from two women before... and both of them are dead now.  Her patience quickly left though.  Corwin wondered if she could tell he knew she was trying to tame him for something... but for what Corwin could only think of two things, and he didn't think she wanted him to be by her side for protection.  So that left only one thing....

 

Corwin had missed the companionship of a woman for a long time, but he didn't know if even he could bring himself to that with her.  It wasn't a thing of the Power... he had slept with too many Aes Sedai to have that disturb him, but Eqwina was different....  But now wasn't the time to bother himself with those thoughts Corwin decided after sticking himself in the palm.  Luckily it wasn't too bad.  Taking a used table sheet, Corwin ripped off some to wrap his hand.  It was always an event tying something one handed, Luckily Corwin used both of his hands regularly.  He had mostly made himself 100% ambidextrous.  He wasn't going to call her to help him though, so he used his teeth to help tighten the cloth.

 

Within the hour the stew was ready.  Unfortunately the family only had a few potatoes and a couple vegetables.  But it was enough for the two of them.  Now for the part he dreaded...  But Corwin was going to be a man about it all.  There were something that were just harder in life, and there was no reason for this to be one of them.  Corwin took the Void on and eliminated all of his emotion toward Eqwina.  She was only a person now.  Releasing the Void, Corwin felt no emotion begin to well up again.

 

Opening the door Corwin watched her take her time.  She wasn't going to hurry and finish anything for him with the mood she was in.  But that was fine, he could eat without her, and knowing her, her pride would stop her from eating for a while.  Food is ready.  With that Corwin turned around and left to eat his supper.  Tonight was going to be a long night.  She had pushed a topic she never should have went into.  Companionship was nice, but he just couldn't see himself with her... not with someone who had sold her soul.

 

Corwin

[Eqwina]

Eqwina gently stroked Nightlily’s nose and tried not to think of the torment that waited for her just on the other side of a rough wooden door. She was Head of the Black Ajah and stood very high among the Yellows; in the last several years Eqwina had become Aes Sedai to her bones and she was not about to let another man muddle her wits. Corwin was a sword and an annoyance, nothing more. Still something about his manner grated her last nerve…. She was still trying to pin point his greatest flaw when he called her for dinner.

 

Giving her beloved horse one last pat Eqwina gathered her skirts and followed his retreating form. She was serenity to her toes as she took her seat across from him.

 

The meal was consumed in silence as was the cleaning done after. Both were too stubborn to be the first to bend. Once the plates were cleared and Corwin had settled into the chair she relinquished her seat at the table and walked over to stand at his side. With out a word her tiny hands gripped his head and she quickly spun the weaves for healing. Without another word she turned and walked away, only slightly miffed that he offered no words of thanks.

 

Taking her blankets from where they had been discarded by the door Eqwina began to lay out her pallet very near the fire. The night was already cold and it would only grow worse. Not bothering to leave the room Eqwina changed out of her silk dress, stripping to her shift, before redressing in stout wool. She unfastened the clips holding the emerald above her forehead, brushed her long black hair 100 strokes and laid down with her back to him.

 

As she drifted off to sleep the faces of Nevin and Drak floated through her mind. Not an unusual occurrence, but tonight they were accompanied by more.

 

A few hours into the night Eqwina woke with her shift sweaty and clinging to her everywhere. Her usual pristine hair was in disarray and blanket lines marred her pretty face. She lay under the covers, in the dark, panting trying to forget the horror that had woken her so suddenly. Clutching the blankets to her chest Eqwina sat up quietly and glance around the room. The fire had burned down to embers and the only other sounds in the night were the snapping of trees as they burst from the cold and the quiet steady breaths of Corwin. She saw that he had made his pallet as far from her own as he could and still be in the same room.

 

Why after all this time did he still not trust? Eqwina was still mulling over that question as she fell back to sleep.

 

[Corwin]

As the night went on, Corwin was roused by Eqwina's restlessness.  But it was something that happened regularly.  She woke up many nights in the middle of the night.  Corwin had gotten used to her.  But tonight was different.  She was worse than usual.  But it didn't matter, Corwin got all the rest he needed.  One thing that helped was keeping his body constant, when you woke up your heart beat sped up usually and your breathing was quicker, but Corwin through some hard experiences had to learn to keep himself as constant as possible.  Every couple of hours he made a round outside, but had to use a window in a distant room with the door closed to not let Eqwina know he was gone.  The woman would freak out if she thought he had left permanently.

 

It was in the early light of dawn he saw a group of people coming toward the home.  Corwin didn't know if they were the owners, but he didn't want to find out.  Unfortunately in their day's stay they hadn't been the cleanest since Eqwina insisted they would be staying till the storm broke.  It wasn't that they were dirty, but horses were never very clean.  Thinking it was going to be best to wait and hope they pass, Corwin went back into the house and caught a couple more hours of sleep.  It wasn't going to be a fun start to Eqwina's day.

 

Corwin's eyes popped open when he first head the creaking of the door.  Eqwina had already dozed off a bit deeper than the rest of the night, but Corwin didn't know what would wake the woman.  These people were good.  Corwin could hear the snow and ice  below the people though.  It wasn't very often, but when a creek did come, he knew they were circling the house.  It must have been the owners, else who would go to the back to enter?  Corwin eased his blades and kept everything properly distanced to not scare anyone, but to be able to use it at a moment's notice.

 

The men came in whispering.  Obviously they must have been the only residents of the house, else they wouldn't have been suspicious seeing smoke from the chimney roof.  With a slight peek, Corwin saw what looked like a weathered father and sons.  There weren't many, only three total, but they all had some powerful bows.  At the moment, only the older boy had his knocked and ready.  It seemed they wanted to find out what was happening more than kill their visitors.  Too bad Eqwina would kill them.

 

Once all three were in the room, Corwin sprang into action, grabbing his dagger he threw it at the oldest boy's throat to eliminate the most immediate threat.  The younger boy would have yelled if his throat wasn't pierced by a second dagger moments later.  Corwin could see the tears start to well up in the father's eyes before he had a couple daggers sailing his way.  None had a chance to yell, but all made loud noises as they fell.  It wasn't until they feel that Eqwina sprang awake and found herself surrounded by three dead men.  Corwin had already laid back down and slowed his breathing to relax once again.

 

Corwin

[Eqwina]

The noon day sun shone bright over Tar Valon casting fewer shadows as it climbed towards its height. A few rays of light twinkled across white floor tiles as they filtered through lace curtains, finally falling on an unmade bed. Golden silk sheets were twined around the milky white limbs of a slender Aes Sedai, her raven waves still mussed from the night before…the most shocking of all was a muscular young man entwined around the tiny sister.  His dark curls buried in her hair.

 

Eqwina twitched in her sleep and a slow smile spread across her face.

 

The tiny Aes Sedai and her warder stayed in that bed all day, but as the manner of things in dreams; one moment they were wrapped in each others arms and the next dressed in their finest on the way out the door. The polished wood door opened outward into the yellow tiled hallway and as they stepped through arm in arm the tiles fell away and became fire. Into the fiery pits they plunged, the raven haired Aes Sedai screaming as the first flames licked her at her ankles.”

 

Sitting bolt upright Eqwina let out a scream of her own and flung her arms out trying desperately to catch Nevin before he fell. Blinking as her scream echoed in her own ears Eqwina finally saw what lay around her. Six unblinking eyes already glazed with death staring at her as if pleading for their lives. Kicking her blankets off Eqwina lunged by instinct at the man lying closest and delved searching for some sign of life. It was no surprise when she found none, she did not bother with the others knowing it would be the same.

 

Standing Eqwina glared down at the bodies and at the blood soaking her skirts. Discarding the wool dress she didn’t even bother to don another as the stalked over and kicked Corwin firmly in the ribs. In the same breath she wrapped him tight in flows of air only just stopping his hand from gripping her ankle. For the period of several minutes she waylaid him with kicks and punches hoping to make some effect; but he only stared up at her with cold unblinking eyes.

 

Slowly her anger melted and her blows began to slow. Leaving Corwin wrapped up like a baby in swaddling Eqwina stalked through the room gathering her blankets and clothes. She muttered while she paced the room and tried not to let Corwin see her rubbing her hands. They were already turning pink and would no doubt bruise right along with her toes. He had no right to hurt her when she was trying to do the same to him.

 

An hour went by with Eqwina fuming and Corwin trapped by the door. Finally once she was redressed, in green silk of a Domani cut, Eqwina finally released the flows. Her anger had been cut to a simmer enabling her to speak calmly. “Kill whomever you deem necessary but next time don’t leave the mess for me! I am an Aes Sedai not your bloody wet nurse!

 

Eqwina bent over the bodies and retrieved Corwin’s knives tucking them behind her belt before stalking to the back room and slamming the door. Shouting to make sure she was heard through the door Eqwina said “Oh and clean the blood out of my dress while your about it!! And...I want to eat in an hour!”

[Corwin]

It was useless to cry out.  All it would do is harm, merely drive her into even more of an angry frenzy.  Shoar had hurt him worse physically then she ever could.  She was too mad to think of using one of the blades on him, unfortunately Shoar kept his head straight when he was mad.  As Corwin laid there wrapped in the Power, he noticed her kicks lessening in strength.  Obviously she wasn't used to having to do things herself.  He was still in a tantrum yelling from the other room.  The woman let her anger get to her too much.

 

He wasn't going to do her laundry though, he wasn't her slave.  She had taken his knives as well, that wouldn't bode over well.  Corwin wasn't one to be pushed around.  Taking the three bodies out side Corwin disposed of them.  It wasn't too difficult with all the snow around, the main thing was they needed to be far away whenever the snows fully melted.  When he went into the house he threw out a couple vegetables then yelled to Eqwina, make your own damn breakfast.  I'm out of here.

 

As he left he could hear her screams at him then he felt the wall of Air he walked into.  Turning around he walked back overpowering her yells, What do you want?  I come around here to protect you, do my job and you get mad.  Last night you try wooing me into your bed.  I'm not some animal for you to cage.  You're cages will never work, and I will not be just another person in you're life to use up.  Unless you have something for me to actually do, I am leaving.  It wasn't the smartest thing to say to her, but Corwin didn't care.  He had long since lost most everything he loved in life.  If she killed him, which she probably would, he didn't care.  His life was fulfilled.

 

Corwin

[Eqwina]

Outrage and indignation painted her face as Eqwina stared at Corwin’s retreating form. The urge to lash out with the power had never been greater, and her hands shook from clinging to restraint. Instead she formed a wall of air, harder than any stone or mortar could hope to be.

 

As he turned back his shouts drowning her own the fury within her boiled over and she did lash out with the power; striking him first across the face hard enough that immediately a bruise began to form. Then she struck again, making a matching mark on the other cheek. Strong as Corwin was he could not stand up to the One Power and his head shook as he tried to clear away the fog left by the blows.

 

Eqwina choose that moment to fling her small frame at him, toppling them both to the ground in a heap. As they hit the floor she lost Saidar and lay on his chest panting from effort. Clearly he expected her tirade to continue, as well as her blows, but Eqwina stood up slowly her emerald eyes narrowing in disgust. This man had reduced her brawling like a lowly tavern wench, it simply would not do. Not for a woman, no an Aes Sedai of her strength and station. Her anger still boiled but her voice was calm.

 

“Let me tell you this Corwin Narhsoba, not now nor have I ever wanted you in my bed. That privilege is reserved for men far better than the likes of you.” He opened his mouth to speak but Eqwina stuffed it with air. “But if I did want you, you’d have already been wrapped in my bed sheets begging me for my charms.   Eqwina leaned down and cupped his chin in her hands, digging her nails into his cheeks, just short of drawing blood. “You see Corwin, I ALWAYS get what I want.” She laughed bitterly and released his face wiping her hands off on her silk shift.

 

Turning her back on his indignant eyes Eqwina walked over to the over sized arm chair and settled herself in. Corwin had still not moved from the floor..Eqwina smirked. On the floor was where he belonged anyway.

 

“I think I have let you misunderstand our relationship for far too long. And today is the perfect day for rectifying that. Now please take a seat, a warrior of your status looks positively ridicules in a heap on the floor.” Surprisingly he obeyed her, but not without a few grunts she was sure would have been curses had he been able to speak. “The truth of our relationship is this….I am a powerful woman Corwin, high up in my own Ajah and very high indeed in the Ajah that is, shall we say, not known to all. Powerful as I may be... I am still an outcast, much like yourself; which is why I chose you Corwin. Those of us on the outside must stick together. Don’t you think?”

 

This was the moment of truth, she was confirming his suspicions. Eqwina watched his eyes as she spoke, looking for any sign; because if this exchange went poorly she would very much regret having to kill him. The next words would be the hardest for her to say; just thinking about them tied her stomach in knots and stoked her anger.

 

“While I admit I want you to stay” Oh how those words chaffed. Eqwina's voice fairly dripped with venom. “ Things cannot continue on as they began. I am the sister and you the tower guard sworn to protect me, I must see more of that in our relationship or..there is the door.” Raising her slim arm she pointed at the rough wood.

 

Preparing a few nasty weaves in case he lashed out Eqwina released his gag and sat back waiting for the tirade that would surely come.

 

[Corwin]

Corwin sat there for a moment, this wasn't a time to let him get ahead of himself.  She had already shown she was willing to use the Power for violence.  He stood up and saw her watching him intently.  Corwin had no doubt if he lashed out he would be blocked by a wall of Air.  She wasn't a complete fool.  You think I'm sworn to you?  No, I'm not sworn to protect you.  I am sworn to protect Sisters, the moment you joined you "ajah" you left that Sisterhood.  I left that life anyway, you're "ajah" killed my Aes Sedai, and the Tower does nothing for it, I wont be at their beck and call.  You see similarities, yet there are none.  I am an outcast because of loosing my Aes Sedai, you?  You are an outcast out of choice.  I may have chosen to relish in being an outcast, but I didn't choose to embark down the path.  I may have given up on the Light, but I haven't sold my soul.  With a breath, Corwin turned his back to walk out.

 

This was all possibly the stupidest thing he had done, but he wasn't going to have her walking over him.  If he was going to stay with her, she was going to have to bend... if it wasn't to watch as his tongue was cut out.

 

Corwin

[Eqwina]

Eqwina raised her voice at Corwin’s retreating back. Furious with him for speaking with her that way and furious that another man thought they could walk out of her life without even a proper goodbye.

 

“You think I am an outcast by choice? My whole life has been riddled with one heartache after another, one tragedy on top of the next. Even my sisters turned their backs on me in my time of need, because I could not live up to the standards that they’d set. And then..” Her voice lost some of it’s anger, but none of its passion. “ And then I killed the one person whom I had been able to call friend. Constrained as I was by my oaths I had to use my hands…for me there was no going back. My family had forsaken me, my home had cast me out, the light abandoned me..what was left for me Corwin!?! What?! I made the choice I did out of necessity. I wanted some place to belong!”

 

Using all the strength in her tiny arms Eqwina slammed the door and fell against it panting. Her heart was beating in her ears and her forehead glistened with sweat. Running to the nearest window she saw Corwin standing at the edge of the property, his solid form oblivious to the wind and to the cold. Part of her ached to call to him again, to bring him back, but her pride held her in place.

 

She may be weak, she may be an outcast, but she would not cry like a child at being left alone. If he left her she would manage...but even as she tried to convince herself of this her hands gripped her skirts with the effort of not shaking.