American Idol Sucks!

[Myndrunner]

Yeah, that fake smile of hers has slowly eroded away to the deep seething bitterness that I suspect had always been there.  I mean, she was really upset last night and rightfully so.  She had the best performance of the night and yet she was in the bottom two, while the two that should have been there made it to safety. 

 

The whole Whitney clone thing has got to be eating her up.  She's a very talented singer and beautiful, but because there have been sooooooo many just liker her on the show, she's suffering from it.  Yeah, the whole Broadway thing was suspect, even though it was ALW week and he's pimpin out his Phantom show as much as he was helping the contestants, it did kinda feel like they were nodding their heads at Syesha.  "Uhhh, look we all know you ain't gonna make it......so, why not try Broadway?"  Kinda like when you ask your High School guidance counselor about which college you should apply for and he/she says "Have you ever considered working in a sewer?" 

 

Carly will be fine and I think she knows it.  She went out like a pro last night. I suspect her fans will vote for anyone but Clifford.  You are right about Cook, he could beat Archuleta but it will be one of them.  Next week, Brooke melts down or Sye goes Bye......or maybe FINALLY we get to see the Muppet go home!

 

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

It's almost crazy, but I'm beginning to think that they are encouraging Clifford because it just guarantees David Cook and the lad the spots in the final two. While Clifford is popular, I think that the other two's fan base is even bigger. And since we've lost Carly, I'm really thinking they(the Carly fans) are going to throw their votes between the two of them, since at this point they are going to be dead set on making sure Cliff goes down. We already know that Syesha and Brooke have no chance, so why not keep three useless contestants? Carly was the big competition, and now she's gone. 

 

It seems so silly, but who is really going to make them the most money? The creative Rocker when his kind of rock is so big right now, or the cutesy crooner who will have his face plastered on every teeny bopper magazine from here to Japan? The rocker appeals to the largest demographic, but the kid is more malleable, and will do whatever people tell him to. Oy....

[Myndrunner]

The creative Rocker when his kind of rock is so big right now, or the cutesy crooner who will have his face plastered on every teeny bopper magazine from here to Japan?

 

LOL, both will find huge success post Idol.....the question remains, which one do the Idol producers want to hitch their wagons to and take 40% of the gross from? 

 

I think they also both have longevity that the the other contestants do not.  Cook will probably go through a couple different bands, like Eric Clapton, but he will always be a star.  Idol was able to showcase his creativity, but I think that may clash with the desires of corporate ideals.

 

Squeaky clean Archuleta is the dream Idol winner.  You are right about Tiger Beat covers all the way to Japan, he's like Zac Efron meets Eddie Munster.  Twenty years from now, those same girls will be dragging their husbands to Vegas to catch his latest show. 

[reyler]

He's attractive to thirteen year old girls, I guess. Apparently somebody somewhere thinks Clay Aiken is attractive too, given how many girls (and women!) refuse to believe that he's gay  :o

[Myndrunner]

Yeah, and some NAMBLA members probably voted for Clay too.  I read that Brooke still broke down on the couch of safety, but the camera's didn't show it.  It's from a guy who was in the audience...I'll see if I can dig it up. 

[Myndrunner]

Who is going home next week?

 

Brooke White: You Must Love Me.....scared viewers into voting her safety!!

[Myndrunner]

Ok, today I was faced with a challenge: Post an American Idol Sucks update or go catch Harold & Kumar matinee?

 

I chose the latter, so please forgive me for the brevity of this weeks predictions.  In keeping with the very rushed and pressed for time show from last night, here are my rushed and pressed for time predictions. The contestants performed two Neil Diamond songs, and in some cases BUTCHERED THEM!

 

BUT I WILL MAKE PLENTY OF TIME for PAULA-GATE!!!! AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!

Jason Castro (aka. Clifford the Muppet): Singing two very lame covers of Neil Diamonds songs that should have been right up his alley, we could be saying goodbye to him....especially since Paula critiqued his second performance before he performed it. 

Prediction: FINALLY! JUSTICE WILL BE DONE! CLIFFORD GOES BACK TO PLANET ZWEEBOB!

 

David Cook: First song lame.  Second song great.  AC stands for his ill brother and very touching on his jacket.  AC/DC....very nice. 

Prediction: Totally safe, man!

 

Brooke White: Butchered the Munkees I'm a Believer, as in she is a believer in her lame self surviving another week. Second song was great and actually quite sympathetic to her. It must have been the drugs she was clearly on with her gazed eyes and painted on smile.

Prediction: Surprisingly safe.

 

David Archuleta: The Car'a'Carn is getting lazy and turned in two mediocre performances that were still better than most others.

Prediction: Are you kidding? Safe!

Syesha Mercado: The only contestant to turn in not just one but two excellent performances, and clearly showing herself to be bound for Broadway with her facial emotes and audience participation.  The injustice of the evening is that she will be in the bottom two tonight.

Prediction: Bottom two but safe.

 

 

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

Well Brooke went down in a blaze of crying glory. *snickers*

 

All I have to say, is that it is about time, and that Clifford is never going home because of those stupid girls with Cell phones, and it annoys me. /end rant.

[Myndrunner]

I almost thought we were going to be robbed of our meltdown, but it happened just before cameras shut off at the very end.  You can actually see the EMTs offstage ready to go with O² and stretchers.

 

Nice cover by Ryan on Paula's big screw up last night.

 

I think Castro may win this whole bloody thing.  I mean, Archuleta lost some major performance points last  night; but if David Cook loses to Clifford the Muppet?  I just don't get it.....

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

I have a feeling Simon and Randy are going to have the "Vote on Talent, not popularity" talk soon. They always do that when a real crapper makes it this far and puts their Golden Children at risk.

[Emperor]

Ok so I admit I don't watch the show but will support anything that brings it to an end.  Does this Paula thing smell of the show being rigged?

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

Possibly. Or it's entirely possible she was on some hefty drugs and completely hallucinated the second song. Either way, I'd be unsurprised.

 

 

[Myndrunner]

The judges should have a lot more of a final say on weather one should truly stay or go.  Votes on a phone don't equal album sales, look at Taylor Hicks. Maybe going forward they should incorporate the judges rating with the fan votes.  That way, the true talent have more of a chance.  Still, I think David Cook is going to bring it home, with Archuleta in second place.

 

They really did some major ARSE COVERING work last night, but I am sure that at least Paula's stuff was scripted.  My guess?  I think she has an assistant watch the dress rehearsals and take notes for her, or at least did this night.  She was just doped up dancing with herself while Clifford the Muppet sung the bloody Rainbow Connection.  So, when they switched it up and were asked to quickly comment on the first round, unlike what they were told earlier, Paula....naturally....spaced out. 

 

There has to be some level of control on this show.  They must get the vote results first thing in the morning and the producers meet with Seacrest on how to make the show the most dramatic.  Now, assuming that they don't mess with or ignore the actual vote tallies, which we never hear the exact totals of, they probably hear "Ok, Brooke is going home tonight.  Let's get the EMT staff ready and notify LA Hospital.  Call Dr. Phil and give him a free ticket.  Also, we may need a young priest and an old priest." 

 

I am really getting sick of doucher Ryan.  He was patronizing Niel Diamond who was selling platinum records when Seacrest was in huggies.  He was talking to him like he had a hearing aide in both ears.  Wait, he did...but still, that was no reason to patronize him like he did. 

 

Well, we put old yeller down.  Now if we can just END Castro next week.  Too bad Syesha is prolly going home......no justice. 

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

Though I can see Castro going home, and then Seacrest doing the whole, "See how your votes matter? Miss even a day and your favorite can go home...", to cement Archuleta and Cook in the final two. There is no way Syesha can compete with their votes, and it's a reality show--there has to be some kind of drama here or it's bad television for the fans. Otherwise it is so easily predictable right now there isn't much more point in watching it any further--other than to hope and pray they shave Clifford's head.

 

 

[Myndrunner]

That guy doesn't even know where he is half the time.  He must go home, or the forsaken have truly taken over the world.  He thought Neil Diamond was some professional wrestler. 

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

Big Wig's reflections on the show, and Paula's flub: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080502/ap_en_tv/tv_american_idol

[Myndrunner]

Yeah, their "damage control" actually makes me more suspicious.  Although I think that Paula's flub was just Paula being Paula, I think that the Big Wigs panic over the situation revealed some smoke where there could be fire. 

 

I heard that at around 10:30am EST this morning, Brooke White finally stopped crying.

[Myndrunner]

Also, I didn't realize how many of the top 6 already had albums out.  Besides Carly and Kristy Lee, mentioned earlier, Brooke also had a failed CD launch that she has re-released on her website. (ScaryNanny.com?)  Of course, in this day and age, it's probably a lot easier to self-produce a CD, but still.....

 

I just want Castro to go!

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

I knew about Carly's, I didn't know about the others. Not that it bothers me, I'd rather have some entertainment with good voices than well....what SOME of the singers have shown. And the only person whose failed record I feel bad for is Carly, because I do believe she has huge amounts of talent--I just don't think she is cut out for the pop icon role they are trying to squeeze her in. I see her as the next Amy Lee from Evanescence, or something along those lines.

[Myndrunner]

Yeah, she definitely has that Amy Lee vibe....I saw her channeling Grace Slick a little.  She needs a good band behind her.  She would make a great frontwoman for a good rock band or Cranberries type band.  Apparently, Carly's CD was one of the biggest failures in music industry history though.  She had over 2 million dollars from a major recording label backing her debut and the whole campaign collapsed.

 

I see Brooke churning out some Christian Folk Music CD's in between babies and Archie making it big in Vegas.  Syesha is Broadway bound and will win a Tony, or maybe even an Oscar someday.  Cook will have one successful CD and then he will become even bigger as a behind the scenes player.  He will become the rock equivalent of Timbaland or Randy Jackson.

 

And Clifford, I see him asking me if I want hot or mild taco sauce with my chalupa. 

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

Oh God, a Chalupa sounds so effing good right now! *craves*

 

Yeah, Carly's record was a HUGE failure...but did you hear the songs? They weren't good, and I believe it was during the time when Britney ruled the pop scene. The girl does not belong in Pop, which is where they had her.

 

I'm gonna go and see if I can drum up the clip of one of her songs...it's a bit disappointing.

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

Go Youtube!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xEvNlF42I

[Myndrunner]

You know, I wonder if Simon was harder on the contestants he knew had already produced albums.  Dunno.... But wow, the pop thing definitely doesn't work for her. She needs to rock out like Heart.....maybe she can rock out with Velvet Revolver or Chris Cornell.

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

I think Clifford may have finally sealed his doom! Thank you Simon! :D *dances*

[Myndrunner]

(To Jason) "Pack your bags!" - Simon Cowell

Nothing would stir up the teenies more than to hear those ill fated words from Simon Cowell.  And let's not forget the kiss of death to Syesha, saying how fantastic she was. People may not vote for Sye simply because Simon liked her performance.

 

huh huh huh, I did it again, didn't I?

 

David Cook

What he sung: Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran & Baba O'Riely - The Who

What he should have sung:  Pride - U2 & Baba O'Riely - The Who

I think he only got it half right with the Who but his risk with Hungry Like the Wolf felt a little flat for me.  At this point, I expect nothing but genius from the baby-headed rocker.  Baba O'Riely allowed him to rock out with his guitar, but there were countless better suited artists to match his vocals to than Simon Lebon's unmistakable nasal croon.  Pride would have allowed him to build up to his rock voice, yet still sound very different from Bono's version.  With the competition so tight, this might be his first trip into jeopardy, but he has enough chips to cash in to keep himself safe.

Prediction: Less than D.C. performances might put him in trouble, but he's safe this week for sure.

 

 

Syesha Mercado

What she sung: Proud Mary - Tina Turner & A Change is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

What she should have sung: Proud Mary - Tina Turner & A Change is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

For me, Sye hit it right on the money with both performances and gave one of the best performances ever with Proud Mary.  She looked like a star that belonged on that stage, jiving and gyrating with the band like classic Tina Turner before Love had anything to do with it.  Her second song was, although slower and more formal, seemed very heartfelt.  If there is no justice in this world, she may be singing that song again tonight. Her endless weeping and interrupting of the judges commentary made me look closer at her.  Somehow, I felt like the body of the real Syesha Mercado lay in a ditch somewhere in East LA while Brooke White sucked in her soul and took her form. In the unlikely event that Syesha does win Idol, expect Brooke to burst through her chest like Alien and steal the glory.

Prediction: Despite out performing the Davids, she may go home due to a smaller fan base.

 

Jason Castro

What he sung: I Shot the Sheriff - Bob Marley & Mr. Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan

What he should have sung: Layla - Eric Clapton & Against the Wind - Bob Seger

Wow, what a train wreck! With Brooke White gone, it was Jason who embraced the art of the disaster performance.  Singing the only two songs he recognized from the bloody Rock & Roll hall of fame, he chose songs from a pot-smoking voice of political uprising and Bob Marley.  Eric Clapton did a version of I Shot the Sheriff, but it it was the wrong Clapton cover for him to do. Even Planet Paula made the first negative comment about his performance, even if she drenched it with praise.  Paula says she gets him but I certainly don't....and I come to suspect that neither does he.  He chose two songs that exposed his meagerness rather than hid it. He even forgot some of the lines to Tambourine Man, but instead of the Brooke White start n stop, he just grinned like the doofus he is and kept singing. Of course, as bad as his performance was, he might survive tonight because of the desperate battalion of teenage girls and gay middle-aged men who are attracted to this Muppet.

Prediction: He cannot avoid the bottom two, but I say he survives because there truly is no justice in this world.

 

David Archuleta

What he sang: Stand By Me - Ben E. King & Love Me Tender - Elvis

What he should have sung: Stand By Me - Ben E. King & Love Me Tender - Elvis

Fitting that the Chosen One would choose two songs by Kings.  He was the only other contestant, in my opinion, who hit it right on the money!!!  The Car-a-Carn of crooning even sounded a bit like Ben E. King and found his next single with Stand By Me; however, it was his Robbie Williams take on Love Me Tender that impressed me the most.  Still, taking the unanimous praise from the judges with a gosh-golly, albeit genuine, meekness, David Archuleta clinched his final round chances. Now, most are expecting a Cook vs Archuleta final battle....but I would rather see Syesha take on either of them in the final round.  Too bad we will never see that.

Prediction: He will be the first sent to safety tonight.