Unclear the future is (Attn Lavinya)

[tismeb4u]

The slow curl of her lips pulled apart the few strands of control he had knitted back together; the warmth of her arm in his, her side against his, as she directed him deeper into the garden served to scatter them like a gentle breeze. The closeness of her soft scent washing away the controversy that waged inside him. He pressed close to her as they walked looking over with a soft smile her head tipped back to the sun’s kiss; red hair bouncing lightly over her shoulders as they walked. A twinge of duty passed across his mind as they passed the place in the stonewall where winter roses grew aloft. It was in that hidden garden on the other side of the wall that he had been introduced to the diversity and depths that was Sirayn Sedai.

 

As if she could read his thoughts her voice touched his ears in gentle tones about duty and it’s burden. He turned his gaze to her as they passed another path that trailed of to the right. The garden was like a maze to someone who did not know it well and he was one of those; taking his lead from her as he met her smile with one of his own. “I can even almost imagine I am just like any other woman, enjoying the company of a rather intriguing man." Indeed she had a similar effect on him; heightened by the soft caress of her fingertips on his forearm. “You are a most interesting woman I assure you Lavinya.†He glanced side long at her briefly to see if she would protest the lack of honorific she had granted him the right to use earlier. With no noticed exception he continued on as the concerns for duty like the Tower itself seemed slightly distant behind him.

 

“To be the simple man I may have become before the Towers influential training is a tempting and dangerous game to play at now. But I do find you set me to ease far more then I would normally allow.†His words played back to him from his own ears and lessons in the dark distant corners of his mind tried to return. A warning on things said and the power they carry when information was so easily offered up fought to gain clarity from the spell Lavinya tried to weave over him with her simple womanly charms. “You would love the forests around Bohanann I think. There are beautiful paths of tranquility that weave among meadows and rivers edge. Not as colourful and manicured as the gardens I admit. But the raw beauty of the area makes up for it in natures touch and sounds.†He turned to her as they paused on the path, his attention focused on her deep brown eyes, his reflection played back to him; the rose still rolling between fingers in his free hand. What was it about this creature that seemed to evade his defences; believe he needed her to slip past them. He brought the rose up to play across her check again, “nature’s raw beauty came be overwhelming.†The grin barely contained as a pale shade of rose touched the edge of notice on her cheeks. The color only seemed to accent the brilliance of her eyes. Eyes that held him captivated and motionless, he could get lost so easy in their clear depths, as they tried to pull him deeper. Memories of her lips; their soft warmth against his own. His head slowly began to dip toward her once more; reason obscured by the fog she created in his mind; banished control and will into its murky existence.

 

A sharp trill drew their attention as a blue crested yellow bird dipped low in flight causing them both to duck reactively. Instinct and training became clear as fine crystal; vision and meaning bold in his head. Corin watched as the bird disappeared over one of the garden walls and chuckled before turning back toward Lavinya. “Seems the little fellow thinks us a threat to something near here, I wonder if he works for Aleanda;†another chuckle seizing him at the thought. The sudden perceived threat had cleared his head of her and brought control back for the moment. “Perhaps we should move on;†he avoided her eyes; focused on the rose in his hand still raised between them. He pressed it to her opposite hand before turning back down the path she had been leading them toward. What am I doing? He struggled against the desires that tried once again to awaken at her presence. How could this woman pull him so far from reason and self-control? His now free hand came up to pat the back of her own still on his forearm as they continued down the path toward the tree line.

 

Her presence near him only heightened his bodies argument to return attention to her form; her softness. His heart belonged to another yet even now his mind reasoned out differences that shouldn’t make this right but with his present company in tow it seemed to. Grey eyes held his heart; had for a time. But how she held it; what he felt and expected in return was as different as she was to Lavinya. Sirayn drew deep respect and caring, a longing to be with just for being, to protect with out request or reason. Lavinya drew deep heated passion and control free emotions. Was it simply youthful lust trying to play back an age lost to training in the yard? To regain that loss with the soft curvy feminine form on his arm? Or was there something more; he had just met her but she confused him like no other. She was Aes Sedai not a common woman to be played with if she allowed. But she didn’t behave the part, in fact she made him forget his station and duty to the Tower; the pressures of service and Daes Dae’mar. She made him forget almost as easily as she did her own station in life; the glint from the great serpent ring on her finger catching the sun as affirmation of it’s existence.

 

Could friendship ever come out of this meeting or was he simply an object of fascination for the span of time he interested her? The tenderness of her hand under his beg his mind to release it’s suspicions and sink into her warmth but he held on to it with a white knuckle grasp. A degree of control had returned and he did not want to lose its presence so quickly again. His voice was light and carefree still, but he kept his eyes forward; resisting the urge to meet the depths of her own. “The Tower relations … That is a very big and broad subject to teach on. Indeed you must be wise beyond your years to know it’s vast tendrils. So many things seem to change and yet underneath it all the tie that binds still exists. In many cases stronger then before. So many nations, you have not traveled. Has this come from teaching before the Tower or after, in it’s careful and guiding walls?†He had not been able to draw his hand from her’s, but his mind was his own again and the game came back to it. Not in barbed and ferreting thoughts and words, but in plans and structures to keep him from falling so close to loss as he had been earlier. He had betrayed nothing and was sure he would never betray the one who taught him. But the ease at which she had pulled him so close to the abyss; he had stood at the edge and wanted to jump. That thought helped to keep the mesmerizing fog at bay once more though it surrounded him still.

 

 

Corin Danveer

Tower Guard

[Lavinya]

“You are a most interesting woman I assure you Lavinya.â€Lavinya smiled to herself faintly, pleased he had remembered her request in leaving off the honourific. It was strange, the more time she spent in Corin's company, the more relaxed and intrigued she became. Craziness really, considering this was her first acquaintance with him, yet something tugged at her, led her to know more, to not take her leave of him just yet. And it was more than a physical attraction, though that was there, indeed it was something she was finding she was unable and unwilling to ignore. It was almost as though they were connecting on another level, his conversation serving to ensnare her as surely as the glint in his emerald eyes. Still more than that, it was such a relief to find a man who saw beyond the shawl and ring, even if only momentarily. After all, she was Aes Sedai, and he was sworn to the guard, yet his words, his actions, spoke to a place inside Lavinya that no one had found, since before she became an initiate at the tower. He was actually willing, interested to see the woman she was beneath her gift, and that was resulting in a severe reluctance to break the spell she found herself in.

 

Again he spoke, the meaning behind his words revealing just how at ease he seemed to be. The shrewdness inside of her congratulated itself on her success, at managing to dodge around his defences, though she had no desire to take advantage of the position. She blinked, surprised at her silent admission. For once she was not being the scheming, power hungry Aes Sedai she had become, she was simply enjoying the moment. Disbelief at her own thoughts brought another twinge to her lips, as her eyes flicked to Corin, warm against her side. Would he believe her, if she shared what she thought? Doubtful, regardless of how relaxed he appeared. There were some stigma's she was likely never to escape, even momentarily.

 

They paused, and Lavinya found herself once more face to face with the man who was revealing the woman that had been well-hidden for years. How was he doing that? His gaze was warm, and Lavinya found she was unable to look away, his words lingering on the edge of her conscious as the softness of the rose in his hand caressed her cheek once more, her stomach clenching in anticipation, longing. “nature’s raw beauty came be overwhelming.â€A blush rose in her cheeks as she captured his meaning, delighted at the compliment, even as she mentally urged his mouth closer to her own, so she could pay him her own compliment. Her eyelids fluttered gently, her lips parting of their own accord as his head dipped towards hers, warmth already blooming across her skin in anticipation of the caress. Her heart pounded, she wanted him to kiss her, wanted to lose herself in his embrace, to think of nothing else but pleasure...

 

She ducked instinctively, though as her eyes once more caught Corin's she mentally cursed the bird for dispersing the spell once more. He laughed, a deep rumble that seemed to tingle along her spine, but the fog that had enshrouded them was gone, obvious in the way he avoided her gaze. Lowering her gaze, she veiled the disappointment she felt, even as she berated herself for it. She was a woman of the world, one who was accustomed to taking her own life and fate into her hands, so why was she hanging so much on the kiss of a man she barely knew? If it was mere physical closeness she desired, she knew she could find it elsewhere, or indeed, she could convince Corin easily, if she wanted to - she had knowledge enough on how to manipulate a man for her own ends - yet she couldn't bring herself to do so to Corin. She wanted his kiss, his touch, indeed she felt as though she craved it - yet she wanted it freely given, not drawn out through sly actions and depraved techniques. But the question was, why?

 

Nodding almost absently, Lavinya returned Corin's smile, deliberately avoiding the question in her mind as they continued down the path, the warmth of his hand on hers confusing her all the more. Clearly he fought with himself, for a reason she did not know, but why did it bother her? Why did she want his surrender? Why did she want to confess all of her secrets to him? Why did she not just reach out and take what she sought? She knew the answer, yet stubbornly refused to acknowledge it, scared of what it would be, of what it meant about her, about her vulnerabilities. The thought was almost ludicrous, her being vulnerable, yet she knew she was, and Corin was unwittingly showing her just how much.

 

Twirling the rose between her fingers, she lifted the bud to her nose, inhaling the pungent perfume as she tried to rein in her wayward thoughts, bringing them to the present, to more pleasant matters, as Corin continued to speak, his voice light, yet still he avoided her gaze. Hiding the fact that she had noticed anything out of the ordinary, Lavinya bounced the rosebud lightly against her lips as she contemplated how to answer. “Sometimes it feels to me as though I live, eat and breathe politics.†She replied with a small smile as she led him beneath the shade of a large oak, seating herself upon the bench beneath its expansive branches, and offering him a place beside her with a casual wave of her hand, suddenly cooler now it was no longer beneath his. “As a child I was taught much, and that education continued upon joining the tower. Even the most uneducated girl can enter the tower, and leave it practically a scholar.†Absently she eyed the stem between her fingers, spinning it gently, surpressing the urge to confess her darkest deeds and secrets. What was it about Corin that made her want to open herself? She knew it was the simple way in which he accepted her words, saw the hidden meanings behind her sentences, and simply asked for more. He wasn’t questioning, judging, at least for her ears, and the change from the usual baited and barbed conversations she was party to was most overwhelming. Was that what it was like to have a true friend? It was sad, thinking that she didn’t know. She had found no need for friends past her novice days, and it appeared at long last her soul was crying out for a companion.

 

“The class I teach is a broad subject, though I teach only the most basic details to the novices under my charge. To try and explain the full extent of the delicate relations the Tower holds would be a lengthy class indeed, and one that ever changed. As a Gray, I endeavour to keep a finger on the pulse, so to say, along with my sisters. The role of mediator is easier when one is as fully informed of the situation as possible.†Her eyes flicked sideways, taking in his profile from beneath her lashes. Whatever restraint he was holding himself with, she longed to tear it down, to make him simply feel, to let them both forget about the strictures of their reality and lose themselves in even the briefest moment of freedom and simplicity. Would that ever be possible? Would anyone ever see the woman behind the Great Serpent Ring, the Shawl? Or would glimpses be the only memory of what she once was?

 

She saw his eyes on the rose, watching as her fingers lightly stroked the soft velvet of the petals. Her skin pebbled at the memory of how he had brushed the flower against her earlier. They were secluded, deep in the gardens now; only the most determined of pursuers would be witness to their meeting now. Did he fear being seen? Or was he afraid of losing the control which he seemed to display now? Curiosity caused her to lift the rose, idly stroking the petals across the skin at the back of Corin’s hand, wondering if she could illicit the same response from him that she had given earlier. A soft smile curved her full lips as she saw the subtle reaction, glorying in it, revelling in it. Instinct told her he reacted to the woman beside him, not the Aes Sedai.

 

Lifting her head, Lavinya caught his gaze, searching, wanting…what? Unbidden, her hand lifted, brushing a stray lock of hair back from his brow as she lost herself in the tumultuous storm that was his gaze. Her breath caught and her pulse quickened. She wanted to be close, wanted his touch…wanted to forget. She did not notice the way her hand trembled slightly as it brushed his cheek, the shape of his jaw. Already she could taste him, feel the pressure of his lips on hers. Yet she did not want to steal, she did not want to manipulate. Not this time. She wanted what his eyes promised, yes, but she wanted it freely given. Almost abruptly she lowered her hand, her lashes lowering to veil her eyes, her thoughts.

 

She turned her head, studying the shadowy pattern on the grass as the leaves were gently swayed by the breeze. “Many Novices, and even Accepted, contemplated, and even attempted escaping the Tower.†She murmured, catching a glimpse of the shining white spire above the tree-tops. “I never once considered leaving all that I was, all that I am...until after I attained the shawl.†Lavinya’s voice was soft, as though she merely thought out loud, had forgotten Corin’s presence. His warmth beside her beckoned, and Lavinya longed to close her eyes and fall into his embrace, to forget, to escape. Would that ever be possible? Or did she dream with a fool’s hope?

 

~Lavinya

Losing her Mind...?

[tismeb4u]

From the corner of his vision the rose she taped lightly against his lips became an item of envy. He remembered the soft warm embrace of them and his yearned to join hers once more; ignoring the inner protests that tried to speak of reason and a following he was already to far into. Her voice tickled at his ear, soft musical tones designed to make a man weak in the knees wormed their way into his mind. A bench under a large oak came near to them in their travel and she slipped on to it’s surface; hand patting the seat next to her in invitation. Coolness crept over him with out the warmth of her pressed to his side. He had not noticed before their separation how much he was relishing the warm curves of her body next to his.

 

Looking back once more to the Tower rising high and white over them as if in judgement; many eyes that never ceased in their watching. Somewhere among those eyes was a grey pair he would lay his life down for. Stepping next to the bench the tree’s foliage obscured his view of the tower and his eyes once more flicked to the inviting deep brown pools of Lavinya’s. So simply the women wove a spell over him; flashes of the challenges he had faced in the past and succeeded with little fault. How was it this simple Grey sister, the grey fringe shawl once more looped laxly over her elbows, could melt his defences with a simple look.

 

It had only been a few hours now that he had know this intriguing and enticing women yet he felt a need to know more about her. No longer did the game control his need of information on her. Somewhere between hello and the joining of their lips she had changed all that. Something about her felt comfortable to him; a missing part that he needed to balance himself, make himself whole. But what was the reason behind this madness. How could he genuinely care about her past and her future? Question upon questions piled up in his mind as he listened to her reply; the sweetness of her voice dancing over his bones and making his skin want to pebble.

 

Corin watched as her fingers played over the rose’s delicate pedals; mind bringing vision to how they would feel playing over his skin softly. He watched in curiosity as her hands lifted the rose; focus so intent on it’s peddles that he did not notice her watching him. In a cascade of sensations his skin could no longer take. The path the rose played over the back of his hand left his skin tingled and pebbled; eyes slightly widening in shock at the ease in which his skin betrayed him and how much he wished for more. How quickly she had remembered the position he had put her in earlier. Pulse quickening, his eyes caught the movement of her hand and watched as it climbed toward his brow. Fought as a shiver took him slightly at the touch of fingertips as they brushed a crossed him. His vision lock to her eyes intent once more with promise as explosions of the illuminators trade blossomed along his check from her hand as it swept down; breath caught as if even the thought of breathing would dispel the moment they were sharing.

 

A confusing sense of loss crashed down on him like a cold north wind off Dragonmount as her eyes broke their embrace, hand returning to her lap. What had he done to offend her; had she not seen the intent he wanted to share with her in his eyes. The heat she had so easily stoked in him that wanted to meld with the same heat that had flashed in her eyes. What had drawn her so easily away from him, duty to the shawl, resistance to just be the women he saw next to him, afraid to give in to a simple guard. The soft almost remembering tone her voice took on as she talked about her conviction to remain through all to reach the shawl she now wore only furthered the confusion he tried to muddle through. Some how it appeared that perhaps she would never really forget that she was Aes Sedai and he a simple tool of the Tower; yet the edge in her tone spoke almost of remorse. A puzzle lay before him and for the first time since he had begun his training with Sirayn he was not sure he could face it. She was the first puzzle he was afraid to work as if it might tear his own heart out in the process. But why did he feel that, this was ludicrous, his emotions played games his mind could not sort out. How could someone be so devoted to one and yet yearn for another? They were still as different as night and day but even with that difference something drew him to both in different yet strong ways.

 

Watching her silhouette as she studied something he did not follow his hand rose and settled on his lap several times as if seeking to draw her back but afraid of the reaction. “My all I have given to the tower and it’s purpose, but even I wonder if anyone will ever see the man the boy could have been without the Red cloak.†The words floated up from deeply held thoughts he had tried to keep tucked in to the safety of those dark recesses in his mind. Yet here they found life from his tongue and floated softly to her ear. “Will we ever know a life free of duty? If even for the briefest of spells.†His words trailed of to a breathy existence as his eyes looked out over the garden path. He had worked to earn the cloak, worked to earn a place in her service, still worked to earn her trust. But somehow this shapely redhead had taken all of that and made it seem …. Made him feel as if he had missed out on life somewhere along the journey and now, as the warmth from her body next to his ebbed into him, made him cave life.

 

Gently he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward him again; green eyes drinking her in. Hope and surrender seemed to dance in her’s and his body screamed for him to join her in surrendering. “Would it be such a tragedy to want to know; to be just two simple people. Not titles or duties, but a man and a woman. Not a Tower, or a castle, or a city, but a forest isolated from everything and everyone.†He felt himself leaning forward, his head tilting down toward her as his hands slipped from her shoulders to her arms. “To know what others know, simple thoughts and desires, no games, no motives save that of two people alone.†His voice little more then a whisper as his face neared her’s; breath hot against his face.

 

 

Corin Danveer

Tower Guard

Searching for a meaning

[Lavinya]

Lavinya's words lingered on the air a moment, and she felt a moments remorse. Such a simple sentence she had uttered, yet within it she had revealed so much, creating further vulnerabilities, access to strike a most cutting blow. Yet at the same time came a sense of relief, of achievement. There was not a soul alive that Lavinya could be open to, could be her true self, the woman beneath the mask of Aes Sedai serenity. Mentally preparing herself for the blow, or at least the retreat of the one who was pointing out holes in her defences she never knew existed, she closed her eyes, her head lowered. She had opened herself unthinkingly, she deserved to suffer the consequences of her foolishness.

 

Hope, a tiny flicker she hardly dared give life to surged inside her as Corin spoke. He had not taken his leave, abandoning the foolish Aes Sedai to her girlish whims of escape, to an utterly isolated existance. Warmth from his body at her side called to her, urged her to reach out and take what she so badly needed, the mirror she had seen in his intense emerald gaze, yet she could not. For once, she was weary of the game, of the pretense. When had all her goals and dreams lost their meaning? When had she lost her true identity in the fruitless scrabble of her own ambition? An ache inside her demanded attention, a need for comfort, for acceptance, as she was, but also a need for closeness, a need to surrender. The ache bloomed and spread until Lavinya was certain it would consume her, such an extraordinary feeling of melancholy like she'd never experienced. She teetered on the edge, desperately stricing for self control as the softly spoken words registered in her mind, as warm, gentle hands touched her shoulders, turning her.

 

Lavinya lifted her head, eyes opening only to drown in the stormy sea in Corin's eyes, the tumult of want and stark need fanning the small flicker of hope until it was a flame, burning, demanding. Her lips parted, her heart pounding in her chest. Light, but she wanted those things so badly, wanted to be simply Lavinya Morganen, woman, wanted. Simple. Her breath caught as the warmth travelled to her bare arms, her skin reacting as though burnt from the touch.

 

“To know what others know, simple thoughts and desires, no games, no motives save that of two people alone.â€It was as if he read her thoughts, the words so beautiful to her ears she almost wanted to weep, or laugh...something! His mouth was so close to hers, his breath hot as it fanned her face. Her entire body screamed for the contact, her lips very nearly trembling with their need for his kiss, to taste, to indulge, to simply feel. No games, no calculating, nothing but a man and a woman, reaching out to one another the way people had since time immemorial.

 

Her palms lifted, framing the earnest, handsome face before her, and the last of her trifling defenses crumbled. Her whole life, it seemed, hung on the balance, her heart lay open for the trampling, slave to her weakness, her girlish desire for a true friend, a twin soul to share with. Had she found it? She hardly believed in love anymore, it had never spared her a second glance. Indeed, even on what should have been her happiest day, love had abandoned her and left her broken. But she knew she needed something more, that she could never face another day alone, completely and utterly alone. "You have no idea how much I want what you offer." She whispered, fingers lightly caressing the freshly shaven skin of his cheeks as she gazed at him earnestly. "No one has ever seen me as the woman I am, no one ever wanted to believe she existed." Lavinya swallowed, years and years of pent up emotion swirling uncontrollably through-out her being.

 

A tear she refused to allow free reign burned in her heart, somewhere in the back of her mind she recognised it as ludicrous, already she had given so much of herself to this man she hardly knew, whether he realised it or not. She should stop this madness, move away from the one who was proving so dangerous, yet she was powerless to stop it as her lips made their own way to his, the contact loosing the damn inside of her so that she was a potent blend of desire, need, and surrender given with a tiny sigh of resignation.

 

Never had a simple kiss meant so much, pleasure flooding her being where their lips caressed and tasted, while at the same time her heart leapt. She sought to gain nothing, but to give pleasure and receive pleasure mutually, to share a little piece of herself. To be just a woman, a woman who was wanted and appreciated, accepted, just by being who she was. Her hands slid into Corin's hair, holding him close, not wanting to lose the moment, the equisite sensation of being free. Passion was a raging inferno, threatening to over power her even as she gave it free reign. Not a hint of thought was given to the future, nothing else existed but this moment, this second, this breath. This one window of opportunity where she could leave her duty and the binds that would hold her behind - and she was taking hold of it with both hands and refusing to let it be taken from her.

 

The answering fire in Corin's embrace only fueled the fire that burned within, the sense of tearing down barriers and propriety heady in its appeal. Forever the kisses would be imprinted on her memory, Corin's taste and smell, his touch, forever burned in her soul, for she knew, for this shining moment, she was seen as the woman behind the shawl and the ring, the woman behind the gift of channelling.

 

The brief flicker of thought surrounding her duty instantly brought the reality of the situation crashing down on her head, a cold fist clenching around her heart. She was what she was - why did she fool herself? And why did she always seek to take someone into the abyss with her? Was she truly so selfish and callous? Light, she was making truth of every rumour ever containing her name. Why should anyone believe this was any different? Why should she be considered anything other than a filthy lightskirt? No one knew the truth, no one knew the secrets she buried inside. No one cared to know. Until Corin. How had he done it? How had his simple manner and delightful conversation managed to guide him past her outter shell, and introduce him to the pathetically lonely woman she was?

 

Searching one's soul is never pleasant, and for the first time in her entire life Lavinya felt something knew - self-loathing. She turned her head, breaking the delicious contact with the soft lips of her companion, her arms still about him and her breath coming in gasps, evidence of the intense arousal his touch had provoked. Her body fought with her mind, wanting to continue the surrender, to sink into the warmth offered, to forget, but her mind for once was focused on someone other than herself. Corin did not deserve to have his reputation dragged through the mud on her behalf. He was the only one who had ever showed any semblance of concern for her person, and she reacted by taking advantage, by playing her feminine wiles on him. Even as she thought it, she couldn't admit it as entirely true, he had matched her every step of the way, why it was proving impossible to remove her arms from about his shoulders. He had genuinely wanted her, not because she had played him as a toy to amuse herself with. "I'm sorry." She whispered, voice chocked with emotion, her lips at his ear as she tightened her embrace, barely holding back the tears that threatened once more. Light, but she did not cry, why start now? She avoided his gaze, ridden with guilt and hating herself more for being too weak to leave his embrace, her heart still yearning for more than what she had. "I'm sorry." She breathed again as she rested her brow on his shoulder, face turned into his neck. Hating herself for being so weak as to need someone.

 

Lavinya

Open for the killing strike

[tismeb4u]

Searing heat met his lips; twined in desire and need. He let himself fall into the embrace, pulled her arms closer with it’s initial touch before his hands broke their grip and slipped around her to hold her close. The welcome pressure of her warm body against his made the surrender in his mind complete. Fingers danced on his scalp, snaked through his hair; each movement setting his already heightened nerves on end. She had drawn him in and made him want to surrender to her; give himself to her with out strings, without the need for control. Yet even as passion in her arms took him; her scent filling his every breath with reminders of the woman that was intertwined with him. A distant part of his mind stood in the shadows and accused him of failure and cast remorse and guilt down on him. But the urging nature of the contact between Lavinya and himself held the distant though in the dark; a muted buzz.

 

The tree over them blended away with the garden and the Tower spires into a distant blend of colors and indistinct sounds as they shared their souls in a kiss who’s intensity could only be shared between lovers. He had know her less then a full morning and already he was lost in an embrace that should not have existed. Confusion tried to worm into his mind as her fingers continued their dance in his hair. He forced the though back venomously; intensity and surrender renewed in the pressure and wanton movement of their lips. He forced his mind to accept that they were simply man and woman, nothing else existed; needed to exist; just that single solitary thought.

 

Sudden coolness broke over his face; leeched the heat from his lips as she separated from their embrace. Puzzlement and shock raced through him which cast his eyes open with confusion. What had he done to offend her? He had been controlled, as best he could; remained properly resigned in their embrace. What had caused her to break something he had so deeply accepted? â€I’m sorry†the words washed over the heat they had shared like a dam let loose on a fire. Sorry, the words echoed in the confused quagmire that had become his once sharp and keen mind. Something had changed and he fought to find its source.

 

Could it be the Aes Sedai had returned and cast the woman I had finally met out from this magical place. Perhaps it was best, even this welcomed sweetness could not change the future he had tied to another. But was there a way the wheel could weave both? As if summoned from his own guilty conscience that had been so tightly tucked away in a dark corner of his mind Grey eyes flickered. He watched them accusingly as he felt Lavinya shuffle her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry;†the heat from her breath still setting his skin on edge at its touch along his neck. His arms remained wrapped around her not wanting to release the warmth of her closely pressed body. He needed no one except the one older sister he could not keep from his mind. Yet here he sat beneath the oak entwined in the youthful curves of Lavinya; a women he hardly knew. What was real and what was not?

 

For long moments he let the silence hang between them as he sought the words to comfort her. “Lavinya, you have nothing to be sorry for.†His mind turned the puzzle over and over, searching for a solution but in the end resignation won and he begrudgingly eased his hold on her. “We are what we have become. Try as we might, we will never truly know the life that may have been for any of us.†He wanted to curse himself as the words fell from his mouth. Why must he deny the simplest of life’s sweet offerings; duty and honor becoming a hated mirror reflecting what he refused to accept. He leaned back slightly, one arm remaining around her; longing to keep the contact. His free hand rose to lift her face gently from his shoulder and bring her eyes to his own. An ache took him involuntarily as he saw the tears making their passage over her smooth skin.

 

He was sworn to protect them at all cost and here he had cause the pain this one felt; Grey eyes flashed with intensity only emphasizing the accusations. Perhaps it would be better if he left; reality continued to crash over him though he fought to deny it. His fingers brushed at tears still fresh on her cheek, “I am sorry to have caused so much turmoil and hurt in you Lavinya. My intension was never to cause you distress; to place you in such a position as this.†His eyes continue to search hers, seeking a sign of understanding; acceptance. “You make me forget all of this; forget who I have become and for that short moment it brought happiness unfelt in years, if ever.†The last coming almost to soft for her to hear. “But reality can not be held back long; I see that now.†His other hand swept up her back to collect her head between both hands and gently tilt it down so he could place a soft kiss on her forehead. “I will always remember the women behind the Tower’s purpose. Thank you for letting me know her if ever so brief a time. I pray that she is never completely lost or forgotten behind the shawl and ring of the Towers purpose.â€

 

His hands slipped from her head as he began to rise; he needed to escape. Confusion and accusations lay siege to his mind; threatened to break emotional barriers best left whole. This Red-haired woman next to him had asked so little and he in turn caused her such pain. Is this what I have become? Has she placed the game so entwined in me that I no longer recognize when it takes me? Somehow he knew it must be his fault; he must have been the cause of her hurt though he could not see how. He fought against the urge to drawn in the void; to hide from his emotion and hurt in its safe, emotionless, cold walls. Light pressure stilled him in mid movement as her hand closed around his forearm. A touch he had hoped would be there but knew it would never be the same again.

[Lavinya]

Silence stretched between them, at odds with the continued closeness of the embrace. Was it wrong to relish the comfort of Corin's arms? More than the obvious pleasure, she felt safe, wanted. Mind battled heart as the first hot tears fell, Lavinya hoping against hope they would not be noticed. How had she not known she was so weak? How could the simple pleasure of being held, of being seen as the woman she was break her control to this extent? Lavinya had never been a woman prone to fainting spells or tears, in fact she could count on one hand the times she had cried...yet here she was, in the arms of a virtual stranger, balancing on a precipice, broken in a way she had never thought possible.

 

A wave of desolation washed over her as he slowly released her, not trusting herself to speak lest she completely break down and the tears that she fought spill free unheeded. But light, she did not like his words. Didn't he understand, that in all her years she had prided herself on her strength, her independence, and in a few short hours he had managed to storm the fortress she had erected around her heart and show her just what a gaping, empty mess she was inside? Didn't he know she craved his companionship, his security, his warmth - things she never knew she needed until now.

 

“We are what we have become. Try as we might, we will never truly know the life that may have been for any of us.†Lavinya wanted to scream, an indescribable ache forming in her chest at his words. For those few shining moments, she had thought he saw beyond the ring and shawl, to the woman she was beneath, and light knew she was desperate for that, desperate to at least try. Cool air washed over her face as Corin slowly detangled himself, the ache growing at the detachment. Why was she destined to be alone, and misunderstood? His gentle fingers lifted her face and she silently cursed her weakness, knowing he would see where her silent tears had stained her cheeks, embarassment coursing through her as she waited for his horrfied reaction, the blow to make her humiliation complete.

 

His gentle touch made her want to weep all the more for its sweetness, for the knowledge that it was manners and a sense of honour that guided them. Lavinya had never craved closeness like she did now, never wanted someone to understand her so much that she felt her life were falling apart around her, everything she had once thought secure and stable now surely crumbling about her ears. She shook her head slightly, to refute his words, though she still didn't trust herself to speak. He was not the cause of her pain, indeed he was the cure! “You make me forget all of this; forget who I have become and for that short moment it brought happiness unfelt in years, if ever.†She couldn't deny the small flicker of joy inside at the words. Clearly he had felt it too, somehow, together, they had been able to escape the ties that bound them, duty, propriety, and simply be who they were, no questions, no games. Simplicity in its most wondrous form. She too had never felt this way before, had never lost herself completely, wanted to lose herself. Had never before felt so truly free.

 

“But reality can not be held back long; I see that now.â€Again she shook her head, denying the words, forcing them away. No, she would not go back to being the same, could not. It didn't have to end, why did he want to end? How could he be so intune with her one moment, then suddenly get everything so terribly wrong? She frowned as he kissed her brow softly, knowing hurt in his eyes when she saw it. He was wrong, so terribly wrong...how could he just walk away? Light, she wouldn't let him. She would make him see the woman beneath the shawl. Tears threatened once more as he stood, her heart securely held in his hand. If he left, if she let him leave, she knew she would fall apart, that her life would lose whatever meaning she had just discovered. She would not let that happen!

 

Instinct caused Lavinya to reach out, her hand catching his forarm before he could walk away, away from what had been the most enlightening and wonderful encounter of her life, away from her life. "No." She breathed. Her mind raced almost as fast as her pounding heart as he stilled, his face averted from her. How did she put all of her whirling emotions into words? Light she didn't know, but she had to try. She just knew she couldn't let it end this way. "Please, you misunderstand." Urgency filled her soft voice as she stood, brushing impatiently at the tears that had moistened her skin, moving to stand in front of him, her dark eyes earnest as she sought out his gaze.

 

Sliding her hand down to his, she gripped it tightly, her eyes begging him to understand, to stay and listen as she tried to fumble through the jumble of emotions churning inside her, tried to give voice to her feelings. "You brought me no pain." She said clearly, accentuating each syllable. "But whether you intended to or not, you made me see things about myself I never knew...and it was startling." She swallowed, seeking courage as she began to pass the point of no return, opening herself up for hurt like she never had before, revealing the broken woman inside. "No one has ever made me feel the way you have today. No one ever cared about the woman I am, the person behind the Aes Sedai. I have never felt so free as I did in your embrace." Her voice trembled slightly, but she forced her spine to remain rigid, fought to find strength. She never imagined it could be so difficult.

 

She sighed softly, frusrated with herself as she sought the words she wanted, both her hands circling his larger one, taking what comfort she could in the solidness, the slight pressure he returned as she spoke. "I..." her mouth worked silently, a lump forming in her throat as her heart screamed at her to be silent, to protect herself. But she didn't want to. She didn't want to hide anymore, she wanted know what it felt like to share, to have someone else care about what was going on inside. Wanted the comfort she instinctively knew he could give, the ease to the ache of lonliness. "I had never...I realised...light." She breathed, taking a deep breath as the tears threatened once more. "I never knew how lonely my life has become, until you made me see." She whispered. "You made me forget, allowed me to just feel...and I saw how empty my life is, realised just how cold and empty I am inside..." she swallowed again, closing her eyes against the raw pain, the voice yelling at her to halt her foolishness and cease speaking. "I hate who I've become." She breathed, the words faint to her own ears as she lowered her head, her fingers idly toying with the hand in their grip. How did one admit that she had no true friends? That she was nothing but a cold and bitter woman? That she didn't want to be the woman she was. Light but she was a fool. She should have let Corin leave, rather than ensnare him in her own problems, her own frailty. She was not his concern, he was under no obligation to care...but if he didn't, who would?

 

Lavinya kept her head down, her eyes still closed as she continued. "I apologised because it is wrong of me to catch you up in my vulnerabilities, in problems that are my own creation. It is still wrong of me, so I apologise again now. But I wanted you to understand that you were the one that made me feel a happiness I didn't know was possible, if only for the brief time since I encountered you. I understand if you need to take your leave." At long last she lifted her head, her eyes bright with the barely contained tears as she waited for him to run and never look back, to join the myriad of others who didn't care, who had hurt her in the past, who cared nought for her future. Yet she feared if he did, she would shatter, and nothing would be able to put the pieces back together again. Perhaps that was what she deserved, all she could expect from this life. Silently she searched his gaze, heart in her throat as she sought a hint of reassurance, of understanding, of something to heal the ache inside.

 

Lavinya

Broken

[tismeb4u]

â€Noâ€, it was no more then a faint breathy whisper but it stilled every fiber in his being. His heart; a confusion mass of emotional tension and turmoil leaped with elation at the word. Two simple letters that brought life in full to part of that tangled mass and horror to the other. A small word that elicited a state of complete fervent turbulence in him. Frozen he held his eyes to the far wall; unable to face her. Control was a steep slippery slope and he feared if he met her eyes again he may not be able to walk away. Her words only added layers to the confusion that gripped him. He sensed her move from his side and fought to hold his eyes in place until her face filled his vision and her chestnut brown eyes pulled the last shreds of resolve from him. In a movement so simple she had completely crushed his ability to resist falling through those deep pools of emotion and offering; surrendering his gaze to her as she trapped his hand in warm pressure.

 

“No pain“, his mind played those sweet trembling words that she had spoken. Rolled them around in his head feeling an elated relief well from those wonderful words. She could not have chosen better words to bring relief to him; but that relief carried the high price of added questions and bewilderment. Why did he feel so much for her? Why did he need to hear those words; feel such relief from them? His path had already been set out before him. A path that tied his life to Sirayn Sedai and the greater purpose the Light and the Tower held. How was it another could have slipped into that safe wall built around him secure in the knowledge of where his life would end. He had sensed nothing of her method yet now felt great concern about her wellbeing.

 

The tremble in her voice, the long pauses; her mouth working silently. She held him on the edge of every word; eyes still fused to hers. “how cold and empty I am inside,“ his head shook involuntarily; he had felt the warmth, the raw heat she held and shared. It was impossible for her to be cold inside and so comfortingly warm outside. The picture just did not match the women he had met; been so enticingly entwined with. How could anyone hate this wonderfully sensitive woman? The whole thought seemed misplaced and disjointed when applied to the redhead before him. Who could have caused her so much pain that she would see herself in such a negative light; heap such invalidating beliefs upon herself.

 

His fingers interlaced with her’s; slight pressure to tell her she was safe even as she cast her eyes to the ground. Finally she continued but her words still seemed foreign when placed next to the woman he had met this morning. "I apologised because it is wrong of me to catch you up in my vulnerabilities“, the women he had met at the fountain was anything but vulnerable. She had been strong, confident and sure of her place and the path of the sun. There was a strength in her that had been bold and showed a future made of her own will not the will of others. With a hesitative meekness she raised her head to look into his eyes once more glassed with tears on the verge of release. She laid her soul before him and he was not sure how to build back up the shattered woman he now found in his presence. Even as the first tear finally freed itself from her lashes and began its slow procession down a smooth and tear streaked cheek his heart broke anew with her pain.

 

For a long moment he remained lost in her eyes; reading emotion and complete openness like he had never seen in eyes before. The sparkle of white glistening stone brilliant in full sun pulled at the corner of his eye. This was the type of position Sirayn would have grasped in a hard grip. Secured a complete and utter surrender from her victim. Yet he could not follow her teaching this time; not with Lavinya. Sirayn was in there somewhere amongst it’s rooms and corridors. Going about her business of preparing the world for The Great Battle. Soon if not already, she would hear of the garden and his indiscretion. By all accounts he should have left before; been at a mad run away from Lavinya now. But Lavinya’s exposed assailable condition held his feet rooted in place and his focus on her needs. Sirayn had made him wait often and now for the first time since meeting her Corin believed it was time she waited. The women before him need strength; to be uplifted and believed in. To leave now would only cause further hurt and possibly scar her further in life. It was the story he told himself in an attempt to ease the constant battle that still waged in him over the position he placed himself in. A lie unspoken to hide the truth of a heart that had begun to find a warmth it should not know in a women that was not dark haired and grey eyed.

 

If there was ever a time he needed counseling and guidance on the ways of women and emotions it was now. Alone and on ground unfamiliar he stepped out on a purpose still unperceived in his own mind. With soft strong tones he broke the silence between them, “Lavinya, I do not know this person you speak of. I have seen only a wonderful caring woman full of life and love. I can not change the past.†His free hand raised to brush the remnants of tears on her cheeks; whished he could dry the ones welling in her eyes. “You are not the only one with a past that has parts they would like to keep hidden in the dark. We all carry secrets, it is part of what we have become.†His hand slipped lightly down her back and he pulled her close; felt her heart beat against him and the scent of her hair fill his nostrils. He could not look into those eyes any longer with out risk of never returning. “I am glad you also found a feeling; a sense that had not been since before this place. It seems we have both found a benefit in our meeting.†Confusion still clouded reasonably clear thought. Silence stretched out between them as he held her close to him, felt the moisture of her tears soak though his shirt.

 

I have a life already offered several times to one who will not accept me; will hardly notice I exist beyond a mere boy to run her errands. Why can’t she be like this. Close and warm in arms meant to protect her. But here in her stead a woman who seems to need protection more then I can offer; in ways I can not offer. What am I to do, I am lost to myself more then ever before. The battle continued to rage inside of him as he held her close in silence. “I will not leave you to fall alone Lavinya. I can not.†His body betrayed the thought to life in a hushed whisper over her head. Inside a crushing sensation seemed to be determined to turn his heart into a liquid puddle; to ooze out onto the tender green grass. His being, his training, his respect for her would not allow his feet to move from this place until he had found away to restore her strength of will and brazen spirit. Only now a tremble of fear swept over all the emotions that waged inside. A fear of loosing himself to her; entering a path he could not afford to take. It had to be the creator’s own sense of irony that in his attempt to save her he needed her to save him from himself even more.

 

 

Corin Danveer

Tower Guard

Tied to the Flame

Lost to himself and the future

[Lavinya]

He hadn't left her. It took Lavinya a moment to realise, that where she had expected Corin to politely apologise and leave, he had not. He stayed, listening, his eyes pools of sympathy and understanding, a swirling torrent of other emotions she could not begin to understand. But he stayed, his fingers twined with hers, a silent offering of strength, of support. It was what Lavinya had longed for, what she had so desperately needed, yet it still surprised her. All her life men had been nothing but a fun toy to her, a tool to manipulate for her own pleasure and gain. Never had she allowed herself to imagine that there might be more on offer, a bond that she was missing out on.

 

Strong arms held her close, so she could feel the pounding of Corin's heart beneath her ear, relief pouring through her from his acceptance, his words that told her she was not the bitter, empty shell she believed she was. For a long time Corin held her silently, tears once again spilling down her cheeks, though now the reason had changed. Never before had she felt so comforted, never had anyone even bothered to try, let alone care. It was such a foreign feeling, one at odds with her independant nature. What had happened to the self-assured, confident Aes Sedai? When had she become so soft, so needy of another? It would be easy to lay the blame at the feet of the man who now held her, his warmth consuming her, but she knew it was not true. It was a realisation a long time in coming, only today Corin had managed to poke a hole in her crumbling defenses.

 

“I will not leave you to fall alone Lavinya. I can not.â€Was this what it was like to have someone genuinely care for you? She had never thought she needed that before. But now she felt treasured, special...as though she had a worth of her own, more than what the shawl and ring had afforded her. She was not just another ageless face in a sea of women who could channel. She was a woman in her own right, and here was someone who seemed to genuinely care about her wellbeing, whether she was happy or broken. It was disconcerting, yet amazingly pleasurable. How had she lived this long, alone?

 

Lavinya blinked. She was still alone. Soon Corin would go about his business, and she would be alone again. But he still cares!She lifted her head, sniffing and smiling tremulously as she brushed at her tears, somewhat sheepishly. He would leave, yes, but surely that was not the end. Not now that she had found someone who cared for her, someone so charming and witty, someone who's kiss was forever seared on her mind. No, she wouldn't let it. She brushed a hand over Corin's tunic, at the place where her tears had soaked the material, a faint blush tinging her cheeks. "I'm sorry." She mumbled, tilting her head so she could look up into Corin's face. His face was unreadable for the flurry of emotions crossing it, yet the one thing she could see and recognise brought a slight curve to her lips once more. He had spoken truth, the whispered sentence into her hair. He would not let her fall alone. Whether it was his sense of propriety or duty or something else she did not know, but she clung the knowledge like a someone caught in a flooded river clutched at a branch.

 

"Thankyou." She whispered as she sought out Corin's gaze. "You have no idea how much it means to me that you have not turned tail and run." She smiled, though the expression lacked much humour. Light but she did not know what to do anymore. Earlier that day she had been her usual confident, bubbly self, and now here she had been crying in the arms of a man who was a virtual stranger. A stranger who cares. It hadn't been so long ago that their embrace had been somewhat more heated, a situation she was much better equipped to handle. How had it changed? How had Corin managed to maneuver himself in such a manner that she no longer knew what to do, fearful of shattering this new found spirit of understanding.

 

Lavinya was reluctant to step back, to leave the closeness, yet guilt assailed her. Did he believe she was trying to manipulate her? Did he simply coddle her now, to mollify her, before escaping to never set eyes on her again. No, he was not so callous, she would not believe it. Even from this brief encounter, she could determine he was a man of honour, of integrity...even if he did become entangled with Aes Sedai in the middle of the gardens. The image made her smile, a small, but genuine smile, as she finally put a small amount of distance between herself and the alluring guard before her, though she retained hold on his hand, lifting it to place a kiss upon his knuckles, in parody of how a man would greet a lady.

 

As Lavinya looked up, her heart caught in her chest, her gaze falling upon Corin's face. Light, but she thought she could drown in the swarmy depths of those eyes, so deep, so intelligent. How did one walk away, after an awakening like this? How had he reached in and taken a hold of her heart, after so short a time, without her even knowing? She had thought herself in love once before, a time ago now, and that had brought her nothing but heart ache and misery, and established a hardness that had previously been unexistant. Yet now, now she felt adrift once more, on a sea she didn't know...yet somehow she knew she was safe. Safe, so long as she could hold onto Corin. But would he welcome her though? She had never felt so lost, and yet found at the same time. She thought she was incapable of feeling anything but disdain towards anyone any more, men nothing more than a ways to pass the time, albeit in a pleasant manner. But now her foolish heart was betraying her, tumbling after the man who had tenderly held her heart, when she had offered it to her, broken and bruised and vulnerable. Now what did she do?

 

"Light knows I wouldn't have blamed you for leaving. But I am so grateful you did not." Absently Lavinya toyed with the calloused fingers in her grasp, made so after many hours of training and hard work, in contrast to her own, soft hands. "I don't know what to say, what to do anymore." She confided softly, lowering her gaze to their hands. She trusted Corin, probably foolishly, yet she still could not hide the blush from her cheeks as she admitted her weakness. "Everything I thought I knew, about myself, about life...has suddenly been altered dramatically. I don't know how you managed it, but I thankyou for it." She smiled ruefully, eyes still down cast, not trusting herself to look into his eyes, still wary of what she may see. "The rug has deftly been pulled out from under my feet, and now I found myself on unsteady ground. What do I do now?" The last was a whisper, barely drifting on the breeze. What did she do now? Who was she? What did she feel? What happened now? All she knew was that she could not walk away and never see Corin again. She did not want to go back to what she had been.

 

"Though I wish I hadn't had to entangle you in this web of my own foolish making, Corin." She shrugged one delicate shoulder, and attempted to retain even a slight shred of her dignity, though she imagined it would be a fruitless task. "I doubt I shall ever forget this day." At long last she lifted her head, and found herself once more ensnared in his piercing gaze, eyes that seemed to see so much, read so far into her soul. And for once, she did not want to hide. She did not want to entice and ensnare. She simply was who she was, openly.

 

Lavinya

[tismeb4u]

Why is it that women and life must be such a complicated puzzle? The guard he had become and the lessons he had learned; still learned. None of them prepared him for this kind of meeting. To watch as you slowly fell in love with some one while still in love with another. It made no sense yet the feelings Lavinya continued to stir in him could only be attributed to love. Life was not suppose to be like this; one could have many fancies on this girl or that. But to feel so deeply about two women was insane; sheer madness. A man gave his heart to one women only save that of a family member. They were not even the same type of woman; different as night and day. Be that as it may he loved them both; cared for them both. How was he going to get himself out of this mess; did he even want to.

 

His pulse raced once more at the light brush of her fingers over his tunic; demanded his minds attention from it’s puzzle. The light stain of red in her tear streaked cheeks with that small smile created the portrait of an angels face before him. Light there has to be a way? Please let me find a way; the strength, he offered a silent pray to the creator. â€Thankyou.†the simple word in her soft voice sent a chill down his spine but he refused to acknowledge it’s presence. There has to be a way, but a new voice; dark voice now echoed his bodies thoughts. Sirayn holds no bond on you, she hardly notices your presence. How can you possibly find happiness there? Look before you; take it, clench happiness in your grasp and never loose it. Startlement at the bold and brazen words that floated there. A heated hatred of himself that they could even exist in his mind. He was a guard of the Tower and swore to protect all with his life. A proud member of the crimson cloak that stood in defiance against all that would harm the White glistening spires or it’s inhabitants. He had made a commitment to Sirayn whether she knew it yet or not; a commitment he could not simply discard as rubbish. So where does that leave me?

 

The smile this time that spread thinly over her face lacked heat or humor; distant from the passionate exchanges they had shared earlier. Something was different; had changed between them. She seemed hesitant, almost as if on unfamiliar ground. The point emphasized as she stepped back from his hold; coolness washing over his chest in remorse. Suddenly the smile was more suited to her face; more the curve of her lips he had remembers from the begin of their meeting. Lips that brought forth a phantom remembrance of their heat and softness which he had indulged in. Her hand remained wrapped around his and to his surprise she brought them up to place a light kiss to the back as he would normally. Like a new beginning … perhaps that is what they needed; he needed. A chance to start again, to be more weary about where he let her lead; where he allowed himself to go.

 

Foolishness! How could that ever happen, how could he even imagine his mind and heart would not remember what had happened here. No, there was no chance at beginning again; only finding a way to go from here. Grey eyes returned once more … only something was different. These where not the hard accusing eyes he had become accustom to in his mind; had faced so many times. They seemed almost soft; almost saddened. His mind had to be playing tricks on him. There was no way Sirayn could ever possible be soft; be frightened. It was preposterous to even think, but it pulled hard at his heart; he wanted to comfort them. More then ever now he needed to get her alone, to find a way to talk to her; show her how he felt, be like he was now with Lavinya.

 

Lavinya’s soft musical voice once more drew his attention back as she spoke up, fingers toying with his own. She seemed to almost take on a child like innocence before him as she opened herself further to him; voice similar feelings and questions. They were more alike then he wanted to willingly admit. Perhaps another place or a different time he might not have let her slip from his arms so easily; would not have. But he had to stay focused; fight to remain on solid footing. It would be so easy to fall back with the slippery slope that was Lavinya Sedai; she would make it so easy and welcoming. I have to get away from here …. Need distance and time alone to sort out what is happening. The whispered question about what to do now only added to his own perplexity with the future. He opened his mouth to answer not knowing what he would say; what he might give up. But was saved as she continued, her eyes still downcast; his weakness unnoticed.

 

The dark brown eyes that finally rose to meet his own where no longer the smoke surface of enticement and forbidden promise he had seen earlier. Neither was there an Aes Sedai emotionless state about them. What he found was open clear windows to her soul and he drank into those pools deeply. Confusion and timidness swirled there; contrasted against the title he knew was rightfully hers. Would Sirayn ever offer such openness to me; would I her? Before him stood a beautiful women offering open honesty in her emotions; in herself. In a deep recess of his mind was born a dark thought briefly; how well he could wrap her to his finger and have his way. But it lasted less then a heartbeat before chivalry crushed it ruthlessly sending it back to the abyss. She was a friend a very close friend now; like a sister. Yes of course that’s it, a sister to love and look after but nothing more.

 

His free hand was stroking the back of her hand he still held while he had studied her eyes; shared so much of themselves in that silent stare. He would never forget her, she had seen to that whether planed or not it was done. “If you did truly entangle me Lavinya then I was a willing participant. This day …†his hand squeezed her’s slightly; a small sigh escaping him in the quiet pause. “This time will live in my mind for eternity as well. I have never met another like you and I can not imagine finding another. I hope today I made a friend …. A friendship I would very much like to see grow in the future. I ..†how could he put it. The grey eyes now framed in the ageless face of Sirayn bloomed before his vision; his eyes glanced over her toward the tower hidden behind the tree. How would he explain this when she found out; she always found out that which he most wanted unknown. He was not even sure he could face her without blurting it all out and begging for forgiveness. Yet he had no reason to beg; they had done nothing wrong. They may have started on the wrong track but found their way back; gained a friendship he hoped.

 

“All I can offer is friendship right now. This is but a start on a new journey, one I am glad to have the honor to walk.†His voice seemed almost laced with resignation and remorse but slowly a calmness was coming to his eyes. His gaze once more lowered to meet her’s as he tried to tame some of the run away emotion from his face. “If you ever need anyone to talk to; to listen. I will always be here for you as much as duty allows. You are a wonderful women Lavinya and I hope that through a friendship I can get to know even more of you.†His voice had taken on a more serious edge. Yet it was not an edge of duty or lecture, more concern and admiration. “You have so much to offer this world, including that beautiful open smile. I know it is the nature and a requirement of survival for an Aes Sedai to be able to hold emotion at bay; keep everything close and guarded inside.†He collected her other hand now; pressed them together, his rougher one’s surrounding tender skin in light emphasizing pressure. “But know there is a freshness about you greatly lacking in this world when that hardened shell is removed. Let the real you… this you, out when you can. It would be a shame to never see her again as I have now.â€

 

He held her hands still in that firm grasp, eyes intent on her’s, using the pause to ensure his words sunk in. To give her time to see in his eyes all he had spoken was true. “I mean what I said, if you ever find yourself in need … I will be here for you, little sister It was how he would have to force himself to see her until it became natural to him. If not he was sure he would fall to her simple charms and be lost forever.

 

 

Corin Danveer

Tower Guard

Tied to the Flame

Finding Focus Once More

[Lavinya]

Hope surged anew inside Lavinya as Corin spoke, every word surely tying her heart firmly to him, the rumbling bass of his voice entrancing and ensnaring, assuring her with it's dark timbre that she was safe, protected, her vulnerable soul in the care of one who would cherish and care. It was an invigorating sensation, knowing that she was not alone on this journey, that Corin too had been swept along with her, a willing participant, as he had put it. With that simple phrase, he removed her guilt, assured her that she had not blinded him with her beauty, had not used her womanly charms to trick and cajole him into her bidding, into following her blindly down an unknown path.

 

She was smiling, her heart light, the hands that caressed her own were warm and rough, drawing her gaze to them as they grazed the contrasting softness of her own hands. Could this be what she had always looked for, unkowingly? Had she found someone who truly understood her, who could love her, as she was? Was it too much to ask for? A foolish hope? For once in her life, she didn't think so. Perhaps now was the time for her to be truly happy, a new beginning, as it were. The atmosphere had definitely changed between them, and Lavinya was charting unfamiliar waters, yet the prospect did not daunt her, not knowing who her companion was, knowing that he was with her every step of the way. A bright, happy future suddenly loomed before her, before she could crush the image. In it she was smiling, happy. Not a calculated expression, but a genuine showing of how she felt, Corin on her arm the source of the unaccustomed happiness. Surely it was time for one of her dreams to come true?

 

The speech changed, and it took a moment or two for Lavinya to understand the difference, shock holding her inanimate. All he could offer was friendship? Light, but she was a fool! Heat tinged her cheeks as her previous elation came crashing down, shame heating her skin, even as she berated herself. What had she been expecting? Proclamations of undying love? Vows of eternal devotion? Such things only existed in childish stories, and her own girlish fantasies. It was not real, not for her, never for her. Cold-hearted wretches like she did not deserve happiness, had never earnt it. Yet she had stupidly hoped, had even believed she had found it. She was no better than a wide-eyed novice, believing the world was a wonderful place, instead of the cold, unfeeling web cast by an indifferent creator.

 

Hurt squeezed her heart, made it almost difficult to breathe as Corin continued, her eyes unable to meet his, embarassment at her actions now overshadowing the tender emotions she had previously been nurturing, the love that had bloomed in her heart cruelly nipped in the bud. She had no true friends to call her own - she was alone in this world. For a few shining moments she had believed that perhaps she had found a kindred spirit, yet it had been a fool's hope, grounded in what would never be. Lavinya would have to resign herself to the fact that she was not the kind of woman who would ever receive the kind of love she sought, a mutual joining of souls and intellect. No, she was simply an object to be admired, toyed with for the daring, then placed firmly back on the shelf.

 

Corin sought her gaze, resignedly she gave it, her emotions once more shuttered lest he read her hurt, see her shame. His words barely registered over the storm of self-pity and abuse raging through her head, every last shred of her self-control required to prevent her from breaking completely, the tears of pain she longed to shed instead burning her throat. He sounded so genuine, she wanted to believe him, wanted to trust that he would always be there, yet deep down she could not. Her injured heart refused to allow her to see the truth in the words, the earnestness in his mesmerising gaze. She felt limp, lifeless, as though the sun had suddenly been removed from her world, though she tried desperately to hide it, letting Corin collect her other hand, trying to remain indifferent to his warmth, when every fibre of her being wanted to sink back into his arms, wanted to hear that he had been jesting, indeed he loved her and no other, he would always hold her safe in his arms.

 

“I mean what I said, if you ever find yourself in need … I will be here for you." Lavinya's brown eyes slid away from Corin's enigmatic gaze, lest she let herself drown in them and cast all caution to the wind, lay her heart entirely bare. Friendship. Light, even in that simple relationship, he offered her more than she'd ever had with anyone else. Someone to genuinely care for her, to be there when she needed him. She almost allowed herself to believe what he said about remaining open, yet she knew now that to do so would be emotional suicide. The one time she had revealed her inner self to someone, she had been gently yet firmly rejected. She was a wonderful person to be admired, just not by the man from whom she wanted it the most. Corin had set her free, now she should fly to someone else. No, the best thing for her to do would be to retreat, count her losses and try to save some face, and never be so foolish or trusting again.

 

A battle raged inside her at the prospect. She did not want to go back to who she had been! She wanted what she had seen in Corin's emerald gaze, wanted the love she'd never known, wanted to be held, appreciated, protected. How could she go back to being the same hardened, callous woman she was, uncaring about anyone or anything, but a moment's pleasure? She needed a drink, something strong, something to help her forget. Yet she knew she never would. She would never be the same, not now. It was like losing your innocence for the first time, it only took a moment, but it could never be retrieved, not for all the wishing in the world.

 

Uncertain again, Lavinya curved her lips in a rueful smile, a slight chuckle escaping before she drew it back, the sound hollow and cracked to her own ears. "Thankyou Corin, I appreciate it." She murmured softly. And she did. She just wished he would give what she wanted. But no one would, she should learn to accept it now. Making sure her features were again smooth and serene was a struggle, yet Lavinya did so, before raising her head, a tiny hint of a smile curving her full lips as she gazed on the face of the man she would have given everything to. "And I too will be here for you. I will treasure your friendship." She disgusted herself, the act at odds with what she wanted to become, of what Corin showed her she could be. Yet she did not want him to see her pain, did not want to guilt him into feeling what he did not. The first step on the road to recovery, she thought ruefully.

 

"But for now I should take my leave of you, no doubt runours are already flying." The smile she offered him was almost apologetic. She was accustomed to scandal in her own life, but she doubted Corin's past was nearly so marred and blackened as hers. It was a wonder her reputation had not spread further than it had, but the least she could do was belatedly try to save Corin from some of it at least. "It has been a most entertaining encounter, one I would like to have again." Light how could she stand so close and not reach out, wrap her arms around him? She wanted to surrender to him, give him all the love she had. She wanted to see him again, but not as a friend. How could she restrain herself that much? How did she know that his promise was not mere flowery words to mollify her? No, she would not send for him, not when he did not want her. She would instead try to take the time to heal her broken heart, try to forget that for that flicker of time, she was happy.

 

"Good day to you Corin." A slight incline of her head and she turned, her heart shattering into a thousand pieces when no words or touch stopped her. She drew her Gray fringed shawl back about her shoulders as though it were armour, crawling back into the shell she knew so well, that gave the impression of safety as she walked away from love and happiness that could never be hers, the first hot tears trickling down her smooth cheeks as she allowed the pain to ebb forth and crack her facade.

 

Lavinya

Heartbroken and Jaded

[tismeb4u]

Hurt radiated from her without true form; eyes glancing away, head lowered, body stiffened. He had caused her pain which was not what he had intended; it was what she wanted. A simple clean release of responsibility. How foolish he was, why were woman so complicated. He wanted to offer her so much more; to give her so much of himself. But there were strings that could not be broken, strings that bound his soul and his confused heart to another, colder woman. If she had only been more receptive, more open as Lavinya had been with him then he would be in a different place; would probably not even have met this tender vision in his hands. But now that he had he could not imagine not knowing her, deep down still wanting to know so much more of her. Duty and gentleman honor had kept certain dark thoughts and emotions at bay, those still wanted out. But now training and those ever vigilant gray eyes cooled the added heat that had been there and brought some clarity to the lustful fog he had been in. He could not defile Lavinya in such a dishonest way; would not. She was more then just a strumpet to be drawn in for pleasure and then tossed aside when the time was done. There was a tender fragile soul in there, she had let him glimpse it, and he wanted to nurture it to full bloom.

 

Outwardly she was Aes Sedai regality and composure; but that glimpse had afforded him great insight. Indeed she hide well behind that mask and shawl the hurt he dealt her; the opposite of his goal. Her curled smile and attempted chuckle let him know just how much he had effected her. The soft whispered words tearing at his confused heart; waged war with ropes and honor. Inside he still wanted what they had earlier shared, what might have come form their continued sharing. Blasted woman! Why do you haunt me so Sirayn? You own my every waking moment and rule my nights mind, everywhere I see and sense you but can not even simple touch your hand without you shedding away. Lavinya's voice lacked the heat it held earlier; replaced with a more controlled measured tone. He could so easily collect her into his arms, hold her tight and tell her his words had been for not. But deep down he knew his heart would cause his mouth to fail, for as much as he would welcome this beauty in his arms; this new life. He still would not give over from that which had been set in motion so long ago; could not. Sirayn still held his heart in a different way. Even in her own cold separated demeanor there was something about the Green that had captivated him early in their training and had only grow over the time they had spent together.

 

Lavinya's words slipped over him as if he watched at a distance someone else conversation. There has to be a way to make her see, to show her how she has me tied so to her finger and whim. coolness met his hands as she slipped hers free; shock beginning to touch his face as realization of her impending departure loomed before him; her subtle nod. His hands remained frozen in place before him as if they still held the soft warmth of her own. Watched unblinking as she turned her back to him and set the gay shawl firmly in place on her shoulders again. He could reach out, reaffirm his friendship for her, offer comfort from the pain. His tongue remained frozen in his mouth still searching for words that might create that comfort. But he had been the one to cause it, who could comfort another from pain they themselves had inflicted? Life's irony played out before him as he watched her begin to move away from him and back to the lives they had been entrenched in this morning before the garden meeting. Before he had drawn her into a wonderful possibility that just could not be. He cursed himself bitterly at leaping without thought. Sirayn had been right yet again, always right about keeping emotions out of business and work; out of life all together. If he had learned that lesson better from her he would not have been so cruel as to offer something he would not be able to follow through with. If he had only though clearly about things before letting his emotions sweep him away. But that was not him; would never be him.

 

In that lay the true problem; emotions. Unlike his teacher, Corin could not simply abandon all sense of feelings. To become devoid of life and in it's stay replace it with cold hard discipline and dedication to the cause. He was dedicated, few would dispute that, but he could not be void of life; of emotions. Those were what made a person human, even if they did destroy as he had just now with Lavinya. He could not simply watch her walk away knowing that he had caused her pain. But he also did not know what he could say to ease what he had brought on her.

 

The distance between them began to close before he realized his feet were carrying him toward her again. The protection from prying eyes no longer available as they moved down the pathway toward the open garden again. He knew Sirayn would receive reports; eyes and ears would see them here in the open once more but it dimmed in the need to ensure she would not hate him for eternity. Gentle his hand closed on her arm at the shoulder and stopped her steps; felt her tense slightly. “Lavinya,†his voice wavered slightly but he cared not. He had to know she would forgive him for what he had done, “I have said I will be here for you as a friend and I mean it with all that I am and hope to be. I hope you can forgive a foolish guard for boundaries he may have stepped over without forethought, I truly do hope I can call on you as a friend also. It is hard to find true friends in what we are; what is destined for us. For to lose what I can offer you would tear ...†his voice stalled on him. He was opening himself to further pain, offering her leverage that could undo him in the future if she decided it's need was worth the price one might ask. Every fiber in him screamed to stop, to retreat back to the safety of the yard and leave this behind him.

 

His hand slipped from her shoulder and returned to his side in resignation. “I would truly feel a lose if what I have done cut so deep as to isolate you from me in bitter resentment.†His voice was soft and low; a man prepared for the deep cut of lose and grasping tightly to a hair thin chance of avoidance. He had no right after what he had done to expect her to forgive him, it was simply a fools hope that perhaps she would understand his situation and believe that he had not intended harm. His eyes moved from the back of her head to the Brilliant White Tower above her seeking the holder of those ropes that would keep him separated from her. Is this what I am to expect in life? To know only bitter heart ache and loneliness?

 

 

Corin Danveer

Lost to the demons in his mind

[Lavinya]

Silent tears blazed a path down Lavinya’s cheeks as she resigned herself to the inevitable, an isolated existence. She was a dreamer to believe anything else was possible, that she, of all people, would ever find one person to give her heart to. She had only known Corin a moment, and already determined he was the one to whom she belonged? Utterly ludicrous! What was she, a foolish child, or an Aes Sedai, well educated and wise? Yet even as she tried to tell herself she had been simply enjoying a fantasy, her heart refused to accept the lie, admitting, if only to herself, that she would happily give her heart and more to Corin. Yet as always the Creator was looking down on her life and laughing, teasing her with finding Corin, only to snatch him away. Friends? He was too kind by far, but instinct and self-doubt told her he would never seek her out.

 

A warm, calloused hand halted Lavinya’s steps, her skin prickling in awareness of the tower guard standing behind her. She stiffened slightly, hardly daring to breathe. Did he not mean what he had said? Or was he meaning to strike home the fact that she would never be his? Her heart was pounding as he spoke, her hands itching to wipe at the tears which glistened on her cheeks, yet to do so would instantly give away the fact that she wept. She did not need his pity, and had surely disgraced herself enough in front of him for a lifetime.

 

Again Corin declared his friendship, yet there was something in his voice that betrayed a deeper emotion, but try as she may, Lavinya found it impossible to define. Overstepped his boundaries? Well perhaps that was true, in the essence that he was a guard and she an Aes Sedai, yet in the solace of the gardens, they had been so much more, and also so much simpler. A man and a woman, with an undeniable attraction. No it went beyond attraction. If she didn’t know better, she could almost imagine Corin had used a trick of the power on her, enticing and drawing out the woman inside, the woman who responded to the warm, attractive man in him. To deny it now hurt unbearably, after opening herself to him the way she had to no other. She should know by now that trusting any one was foolish, and yet she had let Corin into her secret world, to have him merely nod and smile and turn her away.

 

Perhaps Lavinya had imagined too much; believed emotion to be present where it was not. Yet even now, the warmth flowing from Corin’s hand to her soft skin beneath, her heart swayed, full of feelings she was fearful to study too close and define. The reality was that she barely knew the man, desperate as she may be to make it otherwise. That note in the timbre of his voice, the way his words faltered…could he be swept up as she was, and just unsure of how to continue? Never had a man confused her so much while simultaneously revealing her hidden self. He sounded…lost. As lost as she felt, as she had always been, if she was honest to herself. Could they be what each was looking for? Lavinya chewed her lip thoughtfully, an unsure movement, had she stopped to define it. She was far from the confident Aes Sedai she had been that morning, and it was all due to the tenderness of the most interesting man she had ever met.

 

Why was she turning tail and running? This was not her way. She was a fighter, and always got her way. Lavinya had no desire to manipulate Corin, but she was not about to let him go so easily. Pride was something that could be healed, her heart would take longer. But if she walked away now, she may only hurt herself further, and right now, that was not worth contemplation.

 

Bitter resentment? Lavinya blinked as she took in Corin’s words, her skin rapidly cooling where his touch no longer lingered, his voice resigned. Light, but she needed to fix the situation, lest she lose whatever it was she had found this day in his arms. She would have it again. She turned on her heel, facing Corin once more, uncaring if it was evident she had again shed tears. Pain or something else edged his features, his gaze looking past her to the spires of the tower beyond. Did someone already hold his heart? It was no matter, clearly there was something he sought, that he had found with her, if only for a moment. Lavinya wanted to give it to him, wanted to make him smile, cared about him. And she knew that he had the power to save her from the lonely, cold future that lay ahead of her.

 

“Corin…” Lavinya’s voice was gentle, soft, but it drew his piercing gaze back to hers. His features had hardened somewhat, and Lavinya lifted her hand to softly stroke his cheek, the strength of his jaw, as though to wipe away the tension with the touch. Her fingertips lingered a moment before Lavinya lowered her hand, there were too many eyes that could witness the intimate touch; enough had been put on show for one day. “I do not resent you. I’m far too thankful to have met you, to have shared…well myself with you.” A hint of a smile warmed her voice. “I will see you again, Corin Danveer.” It was a promise, to both of them, as Lavinya kissed her fingertips and pressed them softly against his lips in farewell. A final smile, and Lavinya turned once more, leaving the garden and taking her tumultous thoughts of a devilishly handsome tower guard and how he had reached into her soul. She would reach him again. Somehow.

 

Lavinya