Arbor Day - Attn: Arturus

[DarkHallow]

Arturus was surprised and confused when  Shaneevae slid back a couple inches.

 

“I am sorry.  I should not have let it go this far.”

 

Arturus grabbed her bottom and pulled her back towards him. He looked up, passion interrupted with clear logic. He was not sure if he saw fear in her eyes but it was enough for him to try to ease her. She tried to pull away for a moment until she realized he had her locked in place. He touched her cheek with his finger tips as he looked her in the eyes. "Shaneevae... I will not hurt you as you have been hurt in the past. I am not that man. I will not forget whatever is done if you choose to proceed or not. The time we have had already means too much to forget as so many others who are able to sleep with a woman and move on to another. I am not that man either. There is a chance for you here and now to be happy for awhile instead of lonely. To overcome your fears and enjoy what creator has given you."

 

He reached up and kissed her. Her eyes never left his until that kiss. He held her close in a hug and whispered. "Do not be afraid." He hoped that would be enough. If she pulled away again then he would know she was not ready and he would let her go. Calmly he kissed her and put both his hands under her shift pulling it off and laying her on her back on it, lifting her weight with ease.. He was gentle as he moved lower, fulfilling his promise.

 

 

[Shaneevae]

Shaneevae... I will not hurt you as you have been hurt in the past. I am not that man. I will not forget whatever is done if you choose to proceed or not.

 

There was sincerity in his voice, but she searched his eyes to see if they held the same sincere feelings. She still wasn’t sure. His eyes, to her were unreadable and she trembled with uncertainty as his words brought back memories. Was this the reason she wouldn’t indulge in her physical desires.  Was she afraid that the intimacy would reopen her hard earned and calloused heart? Shaneevae had worked so hard to build up walls of protection, a little fortress of her own keeping everyone out.  The man from her past had laid siege to her heart. He wouldn’t leave and no one else could get in, a prison she’d created for herself and her body was rattling the cage in protest, railing against its false imprisonment.

 

His kiss was soft, gentle and testing the waters before diving in again. His lips, so warm against her own, she sighed and parted her mouth inhaling his breath as her own. Strong arms wrapped around her tightly and he whispered encouragingly in her ear, “Do not be afraid.”  Oh but she was afraid, absolutely terrified of what succumbing to him would mean.  Would her heart lay naked before him? Would the release of her passion without love and commitment unleash a wanton woman chewing up men and spitting them out in her wake in order to satisfy a need left dormant too long?  Would they be opening Pandora’s box?

 

The cool air hit her flesh causing her to shiver as he laid her upon the soft ground. Her head falling to the side, she moaned with the intensity.  Arms outstretched she grabbed handfuls of earth to prevent her hands from threading into his hair.  “Arturus.”  Her voice a strangled, soft mewl, a strange mixture of pain and pleasure, “So……..so….sweet.”

 

Lightening cracked across the sky lighting up the entire glen, Shaneevae scooted back with a soft cry, startled by the sound of crushing thunder. She chuckled softly at her reaction and smiled at his face looking up at her, eyes dreamy, mouth parted and damp. Leaning forward, she ran her thumb across his mouth watching as his eyes fogged and his nostrils flared.  When she slipped her thumb into her mouth, the sky opened up and the rain came.

 

Finding her feet, she grabbed her shift, the bottle of brandy and shouted to Arturus over the downpour, “My tent. We need to talk."

 

 

Shaneevae

 

 

 

 

 

[DarkHallow]

Arturus knew the rain was coming, he was just hoping it would wait awhile. He got to his feet and faced the sky and laughed loudly as the rain poured down his face and bare chest. Shaneevae however scrambled and made a full run for her tent.

 

“My tent. We need to talk."

 

He nodded, but she had pulled away. He would be a gentleman the rest of the trip. He threw on his shirt and looked around to make sure everything was secure. He replaced the lid on the stew pot and grabbed his pack and walked... more like hunched into the tent. He removed his boots before setting foot inside. Shaneevae had already wrapped herself in a blanket and he smiled up at her. He used his shirt to wipe off any metal on the various parts and things on his pack and then wiped off his boots before brining them inside.

 

Shaneevae sat on her cot so Arturus took a spot in front of her on the ground, folding his legs under him. She seemed deep in thought and from the look in her eyes he wasnt sure it was good, so it was time to embarrass her to make her think good thoughts again. "You must eat a lot of fruits." Watching her blush he smiled knowing he had succeeded. "So you say we need to talk? Alright, you start."

 

Patiently and with a its-going-to-be-ok look on his face he waited for the flood of words.

[Shaneevae]

Cuddled up tightly in her blanket, Shaneevae watched grinning mischievously as Arturus put away his things.  It was important that she not let her giddiness overtake logic, so she attempted to replace the grin with a sterner look.

 

You must eat a lot of fruits.

 

With those words, she was incapable of holding onto her seriousness and grinned outrageously at the young man at her feet. “Lots of fruit.”  She winked and bent forward, her face a mere hairsbreadth from him. Snaking her tongue out, she licked at the corners of his mouth before delving deeper to savor the flavor left behind. Her heart thudded and the passion that lay smoldering in the pit of her stomach attempted to roar to life again, but she broke away grinning and covering her face with her own boldness.

 

“I’m going to be honest with you, Arturus.”  She reached out and caught a glistening spot on his chin with her forefinger and sucked on it playfully before continuing, “I’m terrified of letting my desires have free reign.  I’m terrified of people finding out what I’ve done with a trainee of the Yards and while its not against the rules, it is frowned upon.”

 

She set her toes upon his legs and watched as she wiggled them about, “I’ve had two lovers in my life and each one has been loved by me and that love has been returned.” Shaneevae shrugged nonchalantly, “I’ve tried to do casual. Honestly, I’d love to do casual, so much that it scares me to take that first step for mayhap I’ll lose what little control I have over my desires and become a wicked wanton in truth.”

 

Sliding to the floor, she sat cross-legged in front of him grabbing the bottle of brandy and taking a very unladylike gulp. Looking at him pointedly, she asked, “Does this make any sense? Do you understand that if I let you finish what was started outside I may lose myself and lock you in my rooms, chain you to my bed and never let you see the light of day again?” Shaneevae rubbed the back of her neck, the tension returning, “There is a beast lurking deep inside of me that longs to devour every finely cut man in sight and you my dear, Arturus would be my first meal.” Raising her eyebrows, she grinned. She didn’t want this conversation to be heavy.  She wanted it to be lighthearted yet still accomplishing its goal.

 

 

 

Shaneevae

[DarkHallow]

Arturus nodded. He understood in a way. "My father when he was a boy said he once found an abandoned Lion cub. It was sick and so the mother rejected it. But father took care of it and it grew healthy and tame. However it grew bigger than he was able to take care of, a wild lion can support its own meals but father's hunting was not bountiful enough. When the Lion became too hungry it finally ran away and gorged itself on the live stock of several farms, killing more than it needed and eating more than it needed. It was eventually hunted down and killed by my father's own hand. He said had he let the animal out to hunt for itself sooner, it would have been fine. But he kept it in and it became destructive."

 

Arturus had a serious look on his face as he spoke. "If you say that these desires are inside of you. Ask yourself if you are still the sick cub and ok to suppress your instincts until you are well, or are you the hungry lion whom if not fed soon will become destructive to itself and others."

 

Without realizing it Arturus started to massage Shaneevae's feet. "As for what you did with a trainee on the yard your secret is safe. As for locking me in your room and chaining me to your bed... dont threaten me with a good time."

 

Arturus began to pay more attention to the massage he was working on. The fire inside was not gone but he knew he would have to distract himself until it was. He was glad it so cold, that would help. But he had to do his best to hide the fact that the lion inside him was starving.

[Shaneevae]

Head tilted in amazement, she listened as Artrus told the story of his father and the lion. It was so accurately spot on that it brought tears to her eyes and a sadness for the majestic creature and the boy that had had to kill his pet.  It weighed heavily upon her heart. That Arturus had chosen that particular story to tell her told so much about him. It spoke of intelligence beyond his years and beyond his station, she sat awed by what he had revealed in that brief telling.

 

If you say that these desires are inside of you. Ask yourself if you are still the sick cub and ok to suppress your instincts until you are well, or are you the hungry lion whom if not fed soon will become destructive to itself and others.

 

For a few moments, she was speechless just considering the question that he had lain before her. Which was she? The sick cub or the hungry lion?  When he eased her fears of revealing her secret, she decided share what she had concluded.

 

“At one time I was the sick cub and I needed time to heal the shattered remains of my heart, of that there is no doubt. My former promised was more than just a Tower Guard and Warder to be.  He was my lover and my best friend.  He understood things about me that no one had ever been able to make heads or tails of in the past. He shared my passion for science and I’ve never considered that there could be a man to take his place. He is the only one I could ever imagine sharing my mind with, a bundle of him within the corner of my mind would have been just a further joining of who we were.”

 

She got quiet for a minute before shivering and wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders, “We’d fought, horribly the night before he left on a mission. It was a simple mission, but when he didn’t return I assumed he’d left me. Months went by and I nursed my broken heart all the while hoping the Guard would hear some news. They investigated and never came up with even the most trivial of clues.  They eventually declared him dead even if there was no body to prove it.”

 

Shaneevae’s eyes glazed over as she recalled the memories, “For three years I continued searching for him, not dogmatically, but there was never a town I visited that I did not inquire. Three years later I found him working a smithy in Camelyn.  His memory before the accident nonexistent…a wife that looked enough like me to be my sister…..a child….a new life.” A tear escaped the corner of her eye and she hastily brushed it away. “I couldn’t pull him away from a family. He had a child for Light’s sake.”  Her shoulders shook with suppressed sorrow, “I filled him in on who he had been, but I never told him who I had been to him….even when he asked, ‘and who are you to me, Aes Sedai?’”

 

Reaching out she grabbed for Arturus’ hands needing something solid to hold onto, “I was that sick cub for years, but it’s been ten years since I saw him working the smithy.  Ten years. I am no longer sick, but still holding onto something that will never be. I am now that hungry lion that has been caged for too long, not allowed hunting, a cage of my own making and I am frightened.  I’m scared senseless that I will destroy myself and everyone in my path if I’m set free.”

 

 

 

 

Shaneevae

[DarkHallow]

Arturus listened to Shaneevae intently. He realized that she had some soul searching to do before she would heal completely. There was plainly a stone on her shoulders she had carried so long that she did not know it was there. There would be no romance this night, and perhaps not ever. Arturus decided that at the moment, she needed an understanding ear more than a lover. They would not be allowed to have any sort of intimate relationship in Tar Valon and it would be him, not her that would be exiled if they did and were found out. He frowned to himself for a moment, obviously deep in thought.

 

He sat silent for a minute thinking out his words carefully before he spoke. "I am your friend if you will have me Shaneevae Sedai. The Tower will not allow much more when we get back. I will be yours to help you however way you want until then. It is up to you how much you take advantage of what is freely offered. It is up to you how much you set foot out of your cage."

 

He leaned in closer and embraced her. "But not tonight. Tonight is for healing." He picked her up and carried her to her cot. Wrapping the blanket around them both he held her tight from behind, both arms wrapped around her body. The rain pounded on the tent and they seemed in harmony with the storms embrace. He waited for her to nod off to sleep and before she did he whispered in her ear. "Sleep little lioness."

 

As she slept he got up and went to his bag. Inside he found what he was seeking. A lion's claw on a golden chain. She didnt awake when he placed it around her neck. He curled up behind her again, holding her tight, he had to make sure to wake up first to make her breakfast.

[Shaneevae]

Tonight is for healing.

 

Sinking down into the blankets, Shaneevae sighed with a contentment she had not known in so very long. His arms wrapped securely around her offered protection, an offer she had never accepted before, but tonight she would. Tonight his protective embrace was the only thing that kept her whole like shattered glass gathered in his arms; he kept the broken pieces as one. She had done everything on her own for so long and she was tired, so very tired of it all, tired of fighting each battle alone, tired of walking each path with no one to pick her up when she fell, tired of fending for herself.  She needed him whether she would feel the same tomorrow, she did not know, but tonight….tonight she knew no harm would come to her with him by her side and she needed that, needed him.

 

She leaned back, his breath against the top of her head, “I am honored to call you friend, Arturus until the day I can call you more.”  And she relaxed, her body giving way, the tension flooding out through the tips of her fingers and toes. In the middle of the woods, far away from the Tower she felt more safe wrapped in his arms than if she were surrounded by a dozen Grand Masters. He had given her what she needed, care without demand, care without consequence and care without motive. When he whispered, “Sleep little lioness.”  She knew the healing had begun.

 

*********************************************************************

 

 

Aquamarine eyes opened sleepily to the melodious chirping of sparrows. Stretching languorously, she smiled feeling rested and glad to be alive. Arturus. She thought and the smile grew wider as she sat up wondering where he’d gotten off to so early. It was then that she noticed the lion’s claw hanging between her breasts. Picking it up, she examined it running her fingers along the smooth claw. Had he?  It was then that she knew, knew what her struggling little tree would be named.

 

With renewed spirit, she climbed from the bed dressing hurriedly, and rushed out of the tent barefoot to find the man that had given her such a valuable gift.  Her eyes found him quickly, bent over the cook fire stirring something that smelled of cinnamon and cloves. The sparkle in her eyes evident when he raised his gaze to meet hers, “Good morning,” he greeted with a smile almost as bright as her own.

 

Shaneevae smiled and rushed to him with the lion’s claw in her hand, “I now know what I shall call my little tree, Arturus.”  He raised a quizzical brow at her. “I shall call it Lionheart in honor of the man that reminded me of who I am.” Rising on her toes, she kissed him softly, her hand cupping his face as her lips brushed his, “Thank you for such a precious gift.” She needed no further words to explain what she meant for he knew that the gift he’d given her was far more than just the lion’s claw that hung around her neck, but an even more precious gift, the gift of healing.

 

Shaneevae

 

 

 

[DarkHallow]

Arturus woke with the dawn and tended to the horses. He started breakfast and practiced forms while it cooked. He finished up and washed up in the cold and overly swollen river. The storm was long passed but he felt it was inside him. He felt that he was that storm. A force of nature bringing renewal through destruction, life by trial, strength by survival.

 

His senses were in overdrive today. He noticed details and took them all in. He saw the droplets of water on the leaves of the trees and bushes and glowing in the morning's light. He even managed to get his forms right this morning and found a tree with wild peaches growing to go with breakfast.

 

When he returned to camp to finish breakfast Shaneevae ran out barefoot on the cold wet ground excited about the new name for her tree. Lionheart she had said, and naming it after what she thought of him. It was a nice gesture to know that he would not be forgotten by someone long after he was gone. She was wearing the claw he had given her, a claw from the very lion that his father raised, taken as a painful reminder by his father of the very lesson he taught her the night before. A lesson he knew himself all to well.

 

The breakfast conversation consisted of planning for moving the rest of the trees. They would use the horse and wagon today saving time and Arturus's arms. He would drop the ashes of firewood around the roots after the planting to give them nutrients when the next rain fell, guaranteeing that they would be strong. Not a word was mentioned of the previous nights events. Not a word was said about it as they started working, all the while the conversation was casual. He didnt regret the loss of a night of love making one bit with the changes he saw in Shaneevae. He was only saddened that tomorrow they would return to their lives. She would be an Aes Sedai and he a trainee and contact would be risky and difficult without good reason. She noticed the one moment that the smile left his face as both were on their knees patting down soil around the roots of yet another tree. But just as quickly he smiled again.

 

When the work was finished they walked back to the camp. Debating between the two of them with good humor on the finer points of the sometimes interesting and unidentifiable food the novices make in the kitchens. When they returned to the camp and darkness began to settle memories flooded him of the last time they stood in the camp at sunset. He was tired and wanted nothing more at the moment than to be on his back in his bed roll. However he had to bathe and eat still.

 

"Well its time to bathe before it gets too dark." He said. He wasnt sure where his sudden shyness came back from but there it was. He stood silent as he reasoned out what it was that made him keep his distance.

 

(We are going home tomorrow. She will find other guys, I will be on the yards alone again. But I also feel like I took advantage of her last night. I didnt know I was at the time, but that doesnt make me any less guilty.)

 

"So I will see you here when you get back then?" as if he didnt know the answer...

[Shaneevae]

So I will see you here when you get back then?

 

Shaneevae placed her hands on her hips, “Actually, I have something in mind. Grab your bathing things and meet me back out here.”

 

At that order, she went into the tent and gathered up all she would need for bathing and ducked back out just as quickly. Surprisingly, she arrived back ready to go before Arturus did, but he showed up shortly with a small bag tucked under his arm. Picking up a lantern, she channeled Fire and watched the flame ignite.

 

Looking over her shoulder, her face illuminated by the glow of the lantern she spoke with a grin and a twinkle of mischief in her eyes, “Come along.  I have something to show you.”

 

They made their way through the darkness guided only by the light of the lantern and the moon high in the sky. Not a word was shared between them, but Shaneevae paid it little mind as she was giddy with the secret she was about to share with him. The night was not as cold as it had been the previous, but she knew that the hot springs would feel just as wonderful. She hoped Arturus would enjoy it half as much as she did for if he did it would still account for a great deal of enjoyment.

 

Stepping into the hidden copse of trees, Shaneevae held the lantern high letting it illume the springs, a proud smile upon her face as if she were a child demonstrating a new trick to a proud papa.

 

“It’s a hot springs.” She said casually as if it bore punctuating.  Sitting the lantern carefully upon a flat rock so that the light reached almost every corner of the water, she folded her clean clothes neatly upon the same rock.

 

“Now,” she said turning to him with a smile.  “You turn your back while I undress and slip in.”  Noting the perplexed look upon his face she shrugged, “I know…I know…just patronize me.” When Arturus turned his back silently, Shaneevae shed her clothing quickly and eased into the steaming water. With a quiet sigh and a little splash she said, “You can turn around now.  I’ll cover my eyes if you’d like.”

 

 

 

 

Shaneevae

[DarkHallow]

Arturus shook his head. His eyes were red in exhaustion since he did not sleep many hours the night before. His conscience heavy for the intimacy he shared with her before they went to sleep he knew he shouldnt have, and the burden of knowing that if he could do it again knowing what he knew now, he wouldnt change a thing. He felt wretched. When he returned to the yard tomorrow he would report to the Mistress of Trainees and say he committed a grave offense and ask for punishment. He didnt care if she saw his body.

 

Sliding into the water he sighed. He had not had a warm bath since he left home. He had always bathed in rivers and now a hot bath seemed... well... hot. He was tense and felt like a coiled spring. He took her insisting that he turn around as yet another sign that what he had done was wrong. Logic would have said otherwise but it was out the window at the moment with guilt and worse still, desire. He still wanted to feel the curves of her body, to taste her again and touch her and go further than they had before with reckless abandon.

 

(Healing starts with an apology in my case.) He was barely able to meet her gaze with the way he was feeling. His eyes were red. The storm inside had become destructive. "I am sorry Shaneevae... I had no idea your emotional state last night when I... did what I did to you. I should not have done it, and saying I didnt know is no excuse. I am only glad I realized when I did that you needed to heal before I took it farther."

 

Facing the water now he continued. "I dont think I am good for you. Because even knowing that you needed to heal now, if I had known it then I wouldnt have changed anything. Given the chance I dont think I could stop myself at this very moment, and where would it lead? Tomorrow we go home. I am a trainee and relationships of an emotional or sexual nature with an Aes Sedai is forbidden until we are raised to Tower Guards. You would be alone again and all I could be to you is a friend, and I want to be that friend, but I dont want to be like the others and have a casual one night stand and risk it becoming something more for one of us, in that path there is only pain, and pain would destroy the friendship. I am a horrible person I realize Shannevae."

[Shaneevae]

The myriad of emotions that ran across his face were too numerous to count and Shaneevae’s eyes widened when they spilled out like a tidal wave.  The guilt that he’d been carrying around with him that day was crushing in its heaviness. She’d never intended for him bear the burden of her own shortcomings, yet here he stood crumbling under the weight.  The young man had set her free and in turn she’d tied and bound him with guilt and dishonor or had he done that to himself?

 

I am a horrible person I realize Shaneevae.

 

Several feet away, Shaneevae shook her head vehemently, “First of all using the word horrible as a descriptor for you is like calling the Forsaken angelic. It is absurd, Arturus. What happened between us was a natural progression of two people who are attracted to each other.  What sets you above other men is that you  saw my need and rather than plow head long into getting what you wanted, what my body wanted or walking away you stayed, looked into my heart and gave me the comfort I needed with much difficulty to yourself. THAT is the mark of an honorable man, not a horrible man.”

 

Sinking down into the water until the surface touched her chin, she continued, “Secondly, any relationship you and I choose to have is our own business. While a sexual relationship would be frowned upon no one would dare breathe their disapproval to us.  Oh you would get a little good natured ribbing and I would get some nasty whispers behind my back, but it would be nothing more than that. I choose to keep my private life private because otherwise every trainee or Tower Guard in the Yard would see me as a potential good time.”

 

Leaning back, she dipped her head into the water letting her hair soak up the warmth, rising she laughed a harsh sound, “Aes Sedai are supposed to be satisfied with the sweetness of Saidar and yes, Saidar is sweet, and yes, Saidar is more pleasurable than sex, but Saidar cannot hold you, Saidar cannot love you and Saidar will only allow you to get so close.” Wringing the water from her hair, her frustration evident, “Saidar is a fickle lover.  He pulls you, charms you and gives you pleasure, but if you get too close he will burn you and leave you cold, empty and aching for his touch the rest of your life.”

 

Shaneevae moved closer and rose to meet him in the eyes, “While relationships are frowned upon, not questioning the comings and goings or actions of Aes Sedai is a custom stronger than law. We are our own women and I answer to no one save the Amyrlin and even she knows my personal life is not her business.” 

 

Grabbing his chin firmly between her thumb and forefinger she spoke with authority, “I am one of the most powerful women in the world, nay one of the most powerful people. I am Aes Sedai. I am woman and I feel no shame in desiring the touch of a man.  Do not forget that Arturus and do not forget that I desire your touch. It is a rare person that would stand between me and what I desire and at this time I desire you.”

 

 

 

Shaneevae

 

[DarkHallow]

The weight seemed to flow off at Shaneevae's words. If she didnt feel he had taken advantage of her then that was good enough for him. His muscles however did not relax. She was still right in front of him. (This woman confuses me more than any I have met in my life.) He was not entirely sure what to say or how to take it. She wanted his touch. (Didnt she just ask me to turn away as she undressed?) Deciding to ride the storm out this time lack of understanding or no he answered. "Then my touch you shall have Aes Sedai."

[Shaneevae]

Then my touch you shall have Aes Sedai.

 

A small smile curled her lips and desire filled her eyes with heat. Taking his hand in hers, she lifted it to her breast and whispered, “Free me from my cage, Arturus. I long to be free.”

 

The first kiss was gentle, sweet with the taste of him. Flesh slick their bodies brushed lightly against one another. With those barest of touches, passion began to churn in the pit of her stomach. Fine points of pleasure pebbled and sharpened with anticipation as their kisses deepened.

 

Steam rose from the springs as it touched the cool night air cloaking their bodies in a misty fog.  Contrasting flesh sweet in the distinct difference, hardness against softness was indeed sweeter than Saidar in that moment.  A bank of earth at her back, she smiled.

 

Pleasure spiraled within her belly coming to a sharp and fine apex. She cried out with the freedom of it, his name echoing through the trees. Freedom at long last.

 

Shaneevae