Healing the Impossible - Oops :p

[Nynaeve]

"I've been hunted, captured and neutered. What could you possibly want from me?". Nynaeve considered the man for a moment. Sympathy surfaced, yet she knew that what was done to him had to be done. There was no way around it. Channeling men couldn't be allowed to roam around free. They couldn't be trusted with the power they possessed, whether they had high potential or not. The faintest use of the power could be lethal in the hands of a lunatic. They had to be denied of Saidin at any cost or otherwise they'd spread destruction every way they turned.

 

"I want to study you, Joseph. For that, I need your consent. I wouldn't be able to do it properly if you fight me." Joseph's bitter laugh rang in Nynaeve's ears. His face was hollow and his eyes were emotionless. The combination sent chills down her spine. Joseph was condemned by the White Tower to a life without Saidin. It was a well known fact that most men didn't survive long after a gentling. Taking away their access to the source seemed to take away their will to live as well. Nynaeve hoped to find a way to prevent that through her study. She refused to believe that doing the right thing had to result in death. Even if it was not immediate, gentling and stilling seemed to be a death sentence.

 

"What could you possibly learn from me? I'm nothing but a shell of the person I once was. Thanks to you and your kind." Nynaeve wrinkled her brows. He was resentful. But it was a defeated hate. She had no doubt that the man that was standing in front of her was only a speck of what he used to be. With his spirit broken and what he cherished the most taken away, he didn't seem to want to carry on. Could she blame him?

 

"You will not cooperate, then?", Nynaeve inquired. She didn't usually beat around the bush and liked to go straight to the point. If the man refused to help, pressure would have to be applied. It was in everyone's best interest for him to be persuaded. And even if Joseph would never have believed it, she did not wish to put him through more grief. He went through enough as it was.

 

Joseph never responded. Was that a reply in itself? "Your family came looking for you earlier." An emotion passed over Joseph's expression like a shadow. "Tell them I'm gone. Dead and buried." His eyes burned of remorse, yet they were determined. Nynaeve smiled. "No." His empty eyes locked with hers as fury washed over them. "If you meet me on a daily basis for sessions, I will arrange for them to leave, ignorant of your presence here. If you refuse, you will have to face your wife and children and tell them that they're simply not important enough for you to want to carry on living.  Your wife's name is Jusie, correct? She's a stunning woman. And little Toby has the biggest crystal blue eyes I've ever seen. The way they shine up when you….". Nynaeve's words were cut off as the man hurled himself at her, his hands going to her throat.

 

Weaving some air threads hastily, she stopped Joseph, who was now only inches away. She knew his family would be a risky card to use. But he left her no choice by refusing to help her. She could not stand aside and see so many men die when their only crime was to be cursed by two things. Being able to channel and being male. There had to be a solution and Nynaeve had to find it. It was time for everyone to realize that Yellows could heal more then just wounds. They could heal lives as well.

 

"No need to get agitated, Joseph. I was simply complimenting your lovely family, that is all." Nynaeve eyed him for a moment and then released the weaves that surrounded him. "I'm trusting you here, Joseph. Care to return the favor?" Joseph's expression seemed pained. He was thinking of his family, no doubt. Tears started to slide down his cheeks. He leaned against the wall and slid slowly down, his knees giving away. "You will tell them…the shame….I love them but….I can't….". Nynaeve rested her hand on his shoulder. "It will be taken care of. Rest now. We'll speak again tomorrow." Nynaeve left the room, pleased at her progress. If Joseph only knew that their session really started when she first stepped into the room.

 

 

Nyn

Yellow

 

[Nynaeve]

"Where do you want to start?", Joseph asked, obviously having second thoughts. He didn't seem keen on digging through the painful memories. Everything was too recent. But time was of the essence and waiting wasn't an option. Nynaeve sat down opposite to him, a look of sympathy on her face. "From the beginning. Tell me about the first day you realized you could channel." While she was more interested in the happenings after his gentling, she wanted to gather all the information she could about Joseph. But with him not being so forthcoming with details, she had to ask very specific questions if she wanted to get clear answers.

 

"I set our barn on fire. Accidentally. And I just knew that I had the ability. After that I passed out. My wife told me I had high fever and convulsions the whole night. She said that she almost lost me. The next day I woke up with no fever, healthy as a bull." Nynaeve nodded. It was common to discover the inherited gift in such a fashion. Unawareness of one's power combined with a lack of understanding of how to use it usually resulted in some sort of accidental eruption of it. Luckily, in Joseph's case, no one got hurt in the process. The fact that he himself survived was outstanding. Most wilders perished. "It must have been quite a day. Suddenly your life revolves around that moment and splits into two lives. Your life before that moment and after it." Joseph nodded. Nynaeve knew all too well how it felt, because that was how she felt when she first learned she could channel. Only there was an added sadness to Joseph's discovery. A sad reality and a certainty that could not be waved away.

 

"Did it feel like a gift or a curse?". Joseph's eyes seemed lost in a certain spot on the wall. "Joseph?", she asked, assuming he just got distracted. There was no response. Raising her voice, she called out his name again. His eyes snapped back to her, surprised to find her in the room. "Are you well, Joseph?". The man nodded and reassured her that they could go on. Nynaeve repeated the question and his eyes sank. "It felt like a gift. A dream. Turned into a nightmare by circumstances and time. But a gift, none of the less." Nynaeve blinked. "How long have you known before your capture?". Joseph shrugged. "Years." Nynaeve winced at the thought. Years of being exposed to Saidin, its taint slowly sipping into his soul. She suddenly questioned Joseph's sanity. Though she didn't believe it was what drove gentled men to death. The time every channeler male was exposed to Saidin was different in every case, and yet the result was similar, ergo their sanity didn't play the important part in this mystery.

 

"Did you tell your wife?". Joseph frowned. "No. I couldn't." Nynaeve nodded. "Whenever she looked at me, I'd see love in her eyes. I couldn't bear see it transformed into fear. I couldn't put her through that. Especially since we just learned she was with child. It wasn't... I thought about leaving but how could I leave her? She was carrying my child. And I loved her." Nynaeve nodded. "So you chose to stay and risk her and your child, just because you could not bear tearing yourself away." Joepsh's expression grew stony, yet he didn't say a word. "Everyone knows what the fate holds for channeling men, Joseph. Weren't you even slightly concerned that you might lose control and hurt the ones who are most dear to you?"

 

Joseph eyes moved frantically as he searched for an answer. Nynaeve realized he was sweating. "I thought I could just leave when I was starting to lose control." Nynaeve shook her head. "Insanity doesn't knock on the door and waits to be invited in. It sneaks through the back door when you're not paying attention and takes over. And when you discover the intruder it is just too late. To be completely honest, you're lucky that you've been captured and gentled. That very thing might have saved your family. Even you."

 

Joseph stood up, his face twisted with anger. Nynaeve embraced Saidar, a precaution after his prior attempt to attack her. "Lucky? Look at me! I am nothing. The favor you so kindly forced on me has finished with everything I was. You severed the bond I had with Saidin. You've violated me in a way you couldn't possibly conceive, Aes Sedai. And after all of that, you punished me further by keeping me alive. Cowards. You should all pay for what you've done. And now? You study me like an animal, being manipulated like a puppet in your hands. You disgust me."

 

Nynaeve looked up into his eyes, her expression untouched by his words. "You have your view on things. I have mine. Let us leave it at that. Sit down." The man shook his head and sat down, muttering to himself. Now that she learned that he's been channeling for so long, she had to be more careful around him. There was no indication on how far the madness has spread. She hoped not too far, otherwise studying him was a waste of both her time and his.

 

 

 

Nyn

Yellow

 

[Nynaeve]

Nynaeve wrote down some notes before continuing. She wanted to give Joseph some time to relax before questioning him further. But more importantly, she wanted to keep their meetings recorded on paper as best as possible. There were little things she overlooked at times. Perhaps reading her notes later would give her insight to some matters she was currently ignorant of. She was planning on consulting another yellow at some point as well, to shed some light on aspects she wasn't so certain of. But she decided to refrain from that for the time being. The longer her research remained unknown, the better she would be able to advance towards some sort of break through.

 

"What made you finally decide to leave your home, though? What happened?". Joseph looked the other way, trying to hide his guilt. But it was impossible not to notice it. It was portrayed not only in his eyes, but in his expression and body language as well. He was ashamed. "You tried hurting your wife, didn't you?". Joseph trembled. "I stopped before... I didn't harm her. I got away before it went that far." Nynaeve nodded. Well, at least he had some common sense in him.

 

"How did you get captured, Joseph?". Joseph sighed, pained by the memories. "I refused to believe that certain ties I had with the world snapped instantly the second I realized what I was. I put my trust in a life long friend. I placed it humbly in his hands, seeking support and understanding. But friendship ties are ever so fickle. He turned me in for a sack of gold and a pet on the back from your kind." Joseph's words were poisoned with bitterness. Nynaeve suddenly felt exposed, drawing on Saidar for comfort.

 

Nynaeve thought about inquiring Joseph concerning the specifics of his capture, but decided against it. She knew the procedure all too well. Being brought to the tower. Undergoing a gentling. She suspected touching those memories will result in nothing but an ill mannered blow out. And that did not give her anything she could work with. No, that information was close to useless. But she made a mental note to ask around and find out who were the thirteen that took part in his gentling. Casually, of course. So as not to rise any suspicion.

 

"We are done for today. Rest. Tomorrow we're going to try something different. You're not going to like it, I'm afraid." Joseph snorted contemptuously. "Because I've been loving this so far." Nynaeve ignored him. If he didn't see the importance in what they were doing, she wasn't going to try make him see reason. Every person had his own way of dealing with things. She wasn't going to deny him that. "I'm going to delve you tomorrow. I thought I will let you know now to give you time to adjust to it. Sleep well." With that Nynave left the room, locking the door behind her. She turned around and strode off, scribbling in her little notebook.

 

 

 

Nyn

Yellow

[Nynaeve]

Joseph tried to stop the trembling. It's been getting harder to manage that, he noted. He felt that he was slowly losing control over his body functions. He was so tired. Disillusioned, crushed, resigned. He could see the blurry images of his family in his mind. They turned back and forth to nothing but strangers. Always distorted with anger and shame, staring him down with those accusing eyes. But soon later, they would turn to stone. Falling apart, leaving behind nothing but ash and false memories.

 

Joseph yearned for his last breath, almost frantically. He pushed himself closer to the edge with every passing day, taking just a little longer to open his eyes in the morning and convince himself to sit up. Joseph came to terms with how things were going to proceed. It was the only path left to follow. But even that was robbed of him when the witch crossed his path.

 

His dislike towards Nynaeve was more than the usual contempt he had towards her kind. In a way, she was worse than the rest. She displayed false concern towards him and his fate and the fate of other gentled man. No, she was just toying with him. She was most likely assigned to clean up the mess and she was simply passing the time by punishing him a fraction more and destroying the little that remained of his spirit. He played the part, though. Bitterly.

 

Break her down. Joseph shook his head. "She's too careful around me. She's... strong", he half mumbled to himself. He wasn't keen on admitting it but she was more powerful than him. Even the wariest of all slip. Joseph let a tremble escape. She was too suspicious of him to be at ease. A relatively sane reaction after his attempt to attack her. Slit her throat, fill a chalice. Drown your sorrows. Let them wash away. A chill ran down Joseph's back, his thoughts taking a hold of him again, as they've done so frequently lately, compelling him to walk silently into the night.

 

Joseph remained seated by his bed, holding his knees as close to him as he could master. He was rocking back and forth, ever so lightly, repeating his wife's name until his eyes gave away to exhaustion. His parched lips finally at rest.

 

 

 

 

Joseph

Loony

 

[Nynaeve]

"It isn't safe." Nynaeve frowned at her Warder. He could be daunting at times. "Don't be ridiculous, Damian, he's harmless now." He wasn't going to let it go, though. His eyes shone of determination. "Safe? The man is insane. You've said so yourself. He tried to strangle you. If you would only let me be present in your sessions I could..." Nynaeve waved off his comments. "And of course, you leave out the part of where I stopped him. I'm no simpleton, Damian. In case you forgot, I am an Aes Sedai." Damian frowned. He stepped forward and took Nynaeve's head in his hands. "That doesn't mean you're indestructible, dearest. Especially in your... condition."

 

Nynaeve couldn't widen her eyes further because her eyelids didn't permit it. Her eyes moved in all directions to verify that no one overheard their conversation. "Are you completely out of your wits? Don't you dare say another word. We will talk in private in the evening. Leave me." Damian opened his mouth to say something but then thought better of it. He touched her stomach ever so lightly and left without a word.

 

Nynaeve took a deep breath to still herself. To think that the man was thick enough to speak of her condition out of the privacy of their room was frustrating. He didn't seem to understand completely the precautions that had to be taken to keep this baby a secret. For now, Nynaeve could stay in the White Tower and continue with her every day tasks. However, she would have to leave soon for an important business trip, that would no doubt involve months of traveling.

 

Taking her time in making it to Joseph's room, Nynaeve regained her composure and was able to push aside her concerns momentarily. For the session with Joseph to go well, she needed to be focused and appear calm and collected to the gentled man. She believed in never giving someone else weapons to use against you and any distractions served for that.

 

"Good morning, Joseph." The man was sitting next to his bed, on the cold floor. The bed was made. He clearly didn't go to sleep at any point in the night. She thought about leaving the session for another day, but decided against it. She didn't know when would be the time for her to leave the Tower, so she didn't have any time to waste. Joseph's condition was liable to get worse with every passing day. She had to seize the moment.

 

Sitting on the bed next to him, Nynaeve wove a few air threads and wrapped them around Joseph's wrists,legs and head. She couldn't risk him trying to harm her through the process. She took his head in her hands and wove threads of air, water and spirit into him. She had delved countless people in the past. The purpose of this trial was to see if she could find something. Anything. Joseph was healthy as a bull. At least physically. However, his connection to Saidin was severed and Nynaeve insisted that such an act would leave a mark, the equivalence of a scar left behind after an injury.

 

Joseph trembled in Nynaeve's hands but never spoke a word. It was easiest that way, but it frightened her all the more. She pulled away, dissatisfied with her findings. She was doing something wrong. It had to be there. Breaking a bridge left wreckage behind, it didn't just disappear. Taking a hold of Joseph's head once again, she repeated the process. Suddenly, a memory came to her mind. One of the speeches her mentor, Zanthia Sedai, would frequently use. "Do not be quick to abandon Fire and Earth, my child. It might not be a direct component of healing, but remember that all are the elements of life. All can be made useful."

 

Nynaeve bit her lip. Perhaps. She weaved fire and earth into Joseph, along with the rest of the elements. The first thing she noticed was that the man stopped shaking. He seemed suddenly unaware of the delving, aside for her hands still rested on his head. Suddenly, his entire body revealed itself to her. Every organ, every blood vessel, every bone. He broke a leg once. The bone mended, but it left a mark. He also broke his nose, the tiniest marks of all, yet Nynaeve could sense it. She could recite his entire medical history, had she wished. However, she was interested in something else.

 

She kept probing until she felt a discontinuity of a sort. Almost like a hole but not quite. No matter how Nynaeve were to put it, there was one thing she was sure of. There was something missing there. That sent a chill down her spine. No matter how passionate she was about pursuing the matter of stilling and gentling, it wasn't easy to get rid of the queasiness sensation that came with it... or was that her pregnancy talking?

 

She could feel Joseph's eyes on her. She could almost taste his bitterness. But there was no time for that nonsense. She was finally getting somewhere. She kept weaving intricately, not quite sure what she was doing half the time, but still pushing on. The sharpness of the delving threatened to sweep her away, but she hanged on and focused harder. She directed a flow of Saidar into the area she found, then increased the flow. She found nothing but hollowness. She kept at it none of the less, keeping a steady flow, feeding it. It went deeper, which made Nynaeve hesitate. She pushed on to find that the tiny hollowness started to feel bigger. Endless, even.

 

Stopping for a moment, Nynaeve blinked. It's faint, but there is something there. "Can you let me go already? I'm not your bloody puppet, Witch." Nynaeve ignored Joseph. It's a cut. There's a gap. Almost indistinguishable, but it's there. Nynaeve couldn't believe how much progress she was making. She could now prove her theory, not to mention her new discovery in healing. She was excited but she realized that this would require more study.

 

Trying to hold on to the gap she found was difficult, but she used every scrape of energy she had left for that. She examined it, keeping herself from shivering. She alternated between weaving the different elements unto the gap, looking for any sort of reaction. Fire and water, water and spirit, air and earth. She decided to try one last combination before quitting for the day, so she weaved fire and spirit into the gap.

 

Nynaeve's eyes widened in horror as Joseph started laughing hysterically. "What have I done?".

 

 

 

 

Nynaeve

Oopsie

[Nynaeve]

Nynaeve's eyes widened further as the man blocked her. She gasped, still in disbelief of what was happening. How? She couldn't grasp it. Gentling could be... healed. Why? Gentling and stilling were as final as death in the life of a Channeler. It is why none survived long after that. The Source was life. Once you had a taste of it, there was no living without it. Despite Nynaeve's desire to help these people live longer, she knew deep inside that it was close to impossible. It didn't keep her from trying. No. And consequentially leading to this disastrous outcome.

 

Joseph was smiling, his dead eyes regaining a glint of excitement. “You foolish witch.” Joseph started laughing again. Distress surfaced through the bond and Nynaeve could feel Damian closing in on their location. But he was no match for Joseph. She tried smoothing out the fear but it didn't keep Damian for coming closer and closer. She had to do something.

 

“I know you're probably relishing this, Joseph, but you're not thinking ahead.” Joseph eyed her curiously. It was remarkable how much he changed in a space of moments. His reactions, his expressions. He was a new man. A man that was most likely going to kill her and her baby if she didn't manage to reason with him. Assuming one could reason with a mad man.

 

“You are surrounded by hundreds of Aes Sedai. Do you honestly think you could leave the premisses without being recaptured and gentled again? If you release me, this discovery will keep you safe. I will make sure you remain untouched and...” Nynaeve's words were cut off as an invisible force started to suffocate her. She grasped her throat, making strangled sounds as Joseph spoke calmly. “I am tired of being your puppet, witch. Your promises, your words, they mean nothing to me. Though, I thank you for healing me, however unintentional it was.”

 

The door snapped open. Nynaeve didn't have to divert her eyes to know who was standing there. Damian only took two steps before he was flung against the wall over and over until he was dropped to the ground. He tried to get up but he was held down by air weaves, no doubt. Nynave's eyes were frantic and all she could think about was her baby.

 

Suddenly, the weave that was strangling her was released. “I think I'm going to enjoy killing you.” Nynaeve collapsed back, gasping for air, trying to steady her breathing. The block was still in place. She was... helpless. “She's with child!”, Damian shouted. His voice was soon stifled as Joseph gagged him with yet another air weave.

 

“Well, isn't that precious.” Joseph crouched down next to Nynaeve and smiled. Everything went dark as something hit her upside the head.

 

 

 

Nyn

[Amadine]

*bump*