Blind Love

[Arette]

Striding quietly in the hallway Mina made her way toward a familiar room not far away from her own quarters. She could remember a few times over the years when a nightmare had crept on her and it was Leon who had heard her screams and been there first holding her until her terror subsided. She hadn't had a dream like that in a long time though and she could thank her family for that. They had offered her a safe haven and a place to heal and even more importantly, love abundance. She returned it fiercely and thankfully the lenghts where she would go in their defence hadn't been yet tested as they lived peaceful life that was interrupted only by one or few of them going to a mission occasionally.

 

Challenging herself she opened Leon's door silently and found him sharpening and oiling his blade. He hadn't noticed her yet or at least pretended that he hadn't and it gave her a moment to look at him properly. He was handsome, combining the best traits of both Nyssa and Michael and she very much hoped that he would find someone just like Nyssa one day because she wanted every happiness in the world for him. But since the thought bothered her, she didn't dwell on it. It was just her being a protective big sister who didn't want him to potentially suffer from love. From what she had seen of women, Nyssa was a rare gem among them and nothing less would be good enough for him.

 

It had still given her an idea for one of his birthday present. He would be nineteen soon and the years seemed to have whisked past so fast. She could still remember what he had been like when he was fourteen and she had just come to the house. He had been a head shorter than her then. When had he grown taller than her? She could also still remember with horror and guilt what she had done to him and even though he had forgiven her, she could never forgive herself. The event had shaped her strongly and was the basis of her whole fighting style and mentality toward hurting others even on missions. But she had come here to deliver the early gift and not to wallow in the past.

 

"Hey you", she said softly and he turned to look at her. Brown and green eyes met and held. There had always been a special connection between them of all the Daemeau children and it wasn't just because they were the two oldest. They had alot in common and their views of life complemented each others. And they just plain out enjoyed each others' company.

 

"Good to see you too, Mini", he grinned as he added the teasing nick name.

 

She drew in breath through her nostrils and restrained herself. She wasn't sure why but the nickname had always rankled her. They had decided on it when they had agreed that she could start calling herself a Daemeau too. All the others had nick names already so she had needed one also. It had been Tula's idea, a little bitch even at tender age of thirteen, but Lee had thought it a nice joke after seeing her reaction. So she had ended up being the only one with a nick name she didn't like. She had often allowed Lee to provocate her into a wrestling match over it and in the first years she had almost always won punishing him with tickles in the end. The tables were quite turned by now and she almost never won anymore and she couldn't entirely shake off the feeling that when she did, it was because he had let her to.

 

Ignoring the attempt, she continued blithely. "I have an early birthday gift for you, Lee, but if you continue to be an ass, I might yet change my mind. So how is it going to be?"

 

Mina Daemeau

A loving sister

[Arette]

There was a certain peace to be found in working a blade to a keen edge.  A whetstone to remove the nicks and flaws that a sword picked up in its life, oil to make sure it would clear the scabbard with ease when the time came to use it.  It was one of the few chores that Leon actually liked to do because he found the work soothing.  There was only himself, the blade, the whetstone and the oil rag and everything outside of that world didn't exist.  There was tranquility within the simple work, and a tranquil mind was a mind that was not marred by the nicks and chips of use.

 

Therein would lay the other appeal of the task, though Leon himself was not aware of it or the metaphor. Different events had chipped at him, nicked the edges of his mind and had left their marks.  Mina turning on him, manifesting saidin, swearing to the Shadow in the presence of the Great Lord of the Dark, his first kill, becoming a Dreadlord in his own right.  He was aware that his father had always worried that he was young to take on the mantle, most his age were at most Adepts, but he'd pushed himself every day.

 

He'd pushed himself because like any sword, if the nick was left unattended or the chip exposed, it would weaken the blade until it couldn't hold up under the rigours of its use and it would shatter.  Because Leon hadn't wanted to risk becoming a broken sword, he'd just worked at it.  He was fairly sure that he had surprised nearly everyone around him as he did so.  In hindsight he knew he'd been a scamp, too much energy and not enough motivation to apply himself.  It was funny how Mina had changed that, and the one power.

 

It was odd that in the midst of that thought, it was Mina who addressed him.  Turning about and looking up at her, if he were of a mind to be nostalgic and reminisce further he would have said that she had changed a lot.  When she’d first come to the house she’d been a nervous wreck, not entirely in control of her emotions and hurt.  Years had changed that, she was a much happier person now and not filled with fear like she had been, she’d mastered it.

 

She was still susceptible to teasing though, as he proved with a jab and a grin.  It always got her without fail, even if she didn’t mean it to, the mention of ‘Mini’ always got her going.  Usually it was a guaranteed wrestling match though that had died down a little as they’d gotten older, Mina more often than not ended up losing those matches and as he’d discovered, she really did not like losing.  Something that made winning all the sweeter of course.

 

The mention of an early birthday present captured his attention though.  Putting the rag aside and grabbing the scabbard, he sheathed his blade as he spoke.  “Well, when you put it like that I most humbly beg and crave your pardon.  My boorish behaviour has been much like that of the braggart and buffoon, I can only hope that you will find it within your most generous and understanding heart to forgive me.  For you are a woman wise and gentle beyond her years, and I but a poor man trying to make his way in the world who may or may not be prone to mistakes that indubitably lead to a veritable variety of mis-“

 

Leon Daemeau

A devoted brother

[Arette]

Leon's shameless 'apology' made Mina shake her head. He managed to keep a straight face but if he really thought she would be fooled by something like that after all these years, he really didn't think much of her. "Save your breath for one of the ladies Mom drags you to court, Leon. They have trained you well, I see." Had they taught him something else too?, she wondered with unease. If not, the women she would take him to meet would.

 

She turned to close the door and fished a blind fold from a pouch on her waist. "Do you trust me, Lee?", she asked him quietly. "It would ruin the surprise if you peeked. If you'll come with me, I will take you to Cairhien and there you can have it."

 

The mention of the women that mother always got him to court made him wince.  Some of them had been quite beautiful, others would have been called ‘politically expedient’.  Either way, Leon had been pleasant with them but none of them had caught his eye much to the frustration of his mother.  But, father had told him to stay true to himself and never do anything that would disappoint them.  While he was sure he was disappointing his mother with his lack of enthusiasm, his father would be disappointed if he did so he decided to go the safer option.

 

The question that Mina asked made him glance at her as if she were one of those madmen who hadn’t pledged to the Great Lord.  That wasn’t a question she needed to ask, and as she withdrew the blindfold and mentioned Cairhien he got to his feet as he sat his weapon on the bed.  “Like you had to ask.”  A grin.  “Ah, sorry.”  Bending his knees and turning around, he made it easier for her to put the blindfold on.  Not that she was short, but she was ‘Mini’.

 

The look Leon gave her and his words made her beam. The bent of knees that continued the jest made her frown but couldn't entirely diminish the previous rush of joy. Her breath was warm on his cheek as she planted a swift kiss on it over his shoulder and her breasts pressed momentarily against his back with the quick squeeze she gave to him. Then his eyes were covered and she moved to stand beside him, taking his hand.

 

"Alright, I am making the Gateway now", she announced unnecessarily since he could feel the goosebumps caused by her channeling. She directed him carefully through to stand on a wide wooden platform that she set to motion through the strange darkness that existed between the places in the world. It was difficult to measure time but she held on tight to Leon, afraid that he might stumble and fall off the platform. Even Duram didn't know what happened to the people lost in that way. Finally the plate stopped and another Gateway opened to a small paved alley way in the better parts of the city. She helped him enter again and once they both stood safely in a solid ground again, she closed the silvery doorway behind them. The arriving place and the place itself nearby had been chosen carefully. She had spent weeks of unpleasent investigation work in the establishments to find the kind that would be good enough for Leon. This house was the most expensive and after speaking with the woman who ran it, she was convinced enough that she was now bringing him there.

 

She described generally what was around him and guiding him firmly at steady pace, they were soon at the entrance. "We're there now, Lee. I will take you in now and be with you as you make your decision... and wait for you." This was not a rowdy place unlike the others and the clients were directed into private lounges for dining and good company before what ever they wanted to do after making their choice so Leon started to hear female voices only when they entered one of the larger rooms where Mistress Tavolin waited with the girls. Mina quieted the discussion. "Mistress Tavolin, this is Leon." Removing the blind fold, she waited for him to blink and clear his vision to see the seven different looking women sitting on the sofas and armchairs smiling at him welcomingly. "Leon, someone in this room is your birthday present. You just have to choose who."

 

Mina & Leon

[Arette]

Smiling as he got a quick kiss from her, Leon preferred that over the slap on the shoulder that he could have just as easily earned.  The blindfold in place, they were soon on their way to Cairhien.  What she was up to, Leon couldn’t even begin to imagine but he trusted her enough to simply enjoy the suspense.  Having said that, there was the maddening aspect to it that he didn’t have any real idea where she was taking him.  What did she have in mind?

 

Entering some sort of building, as he judged from the step up and the wooden floorboards underneath, Leon was becoming more puzzled.  Gambling den perhaps?  No, things were far too subdued for that.  There were a lot of female voices, a lot of idle chatter and occasional laughter.  Some sort of shop?  He wouldn’t put it past her to have brought him to some seamstress to get fitted for a dress just for a laugh.  Though he didn’t think that was it, whatever it was he couldn’t think of it.

 

Mistress Tavolin?  Blinking as the blindfold was removed, Leon’s jaw dropped.  Seven different women were seated on different lounges and chairs, clad in silk and satin and each alluring in their own right.  It took a moment for what Mina said to sink in, that someone in the room was his birthday present and it was up to him.  Each woman was beautiful in her own way, tempting in her own right and each waiting for him to make his choice.

 

“You spoil me.” Muttered in a daze, Leon got a hold of himself as he stood straighter from his shocked slouch while he turned to Mina.  “I’m sorry, this is too much.”  There was shock in her face but Leon quickly turned away to the girls and bowed to them as he said. “All of you are so lovely I’m afraid I could never pick between you, I’m sorry.”

 

At that, Leon turned and made his way to the door and let himself out.  He needed a breath of fresh air, more than anything else he needed that.

 

Mina managed a smile when Leon muttered that she spoiled him but she was even more uncomfortable with the idea than she had thought she would be. She had been trying to prepare herself for it but... And then Leon didn't want to do it, said he couldn't choose. She just stared after him with a sinking feel in the pit of her stomach before she was able to mobilize herself. She waved her hand apologetically at the mistress of the place, she had paid in advance at least and she signaled that she wanted nothing back as she rushed after him.

 

He was walking away from the house and disappeared among the bushes in the small garden surrounding the establishment. An expensive place indeed and patroned by many of the highest ranking nobles in Cairhien. Mina ran after Leon and almost bumped into him as he had stopped in middle of the path. She reached out a hand hesitantly to lay it on his shoulder and it gave her reassurance that he didn't shake it away. "I am sorry, Lee", she said miserably. "I thought that you would have liked it. I just wanted to please you but clearly I got it wrong. Are you angry at me?"

 

“No.  The present was…  Just, that was not what I expected.”  Looking to Mina, Leon had a smile on his face but it was strained.  It had definitely caught him out, definitely not the sort of present you expected from a woman.  Turning to her, he shook his head.  “You didn’t do anything wrong, you weren’t to know.  Its just that, well, its hard to explain.  That and you’ll laugh at me.”

 

"I'm not laughing", she assured him severely and seeked his gaze to assure him of her sincerity. "I would never laugh at you about something like this, Lee. You don't owe me any explanations, just the contrary, but I would really like to know. I... I am not good with this kind of things. Would you at least try to put it into words? I don't want this or anything between us."

 

Sighing at Mina’s words, his shoulders sagged a bit but Leon answered.  “Look…  A couple of years ago when I was with father, after we’d finished up a mission we were staying in an inn.  We both went to bed early but with all the music down in the common room so I decided to go down and get a night cap.  Something with enough kick to just knock me out, that was what I was after.”

 

”I don’t know how it happened but I ended up dancing then a couple of hours later very drunk and with some woman in my bed.  Woke up that morning and she was gone, I don’t even remember what her name was or if I knew it to begin with.  Wasn’t a great experience, over the past couple of years I’ve been with a couple of other women.  It isn’t bad, but it just feels really strange.  I don’t really know them so it doesn’t feel right having them that close, no real connection.  So I don’t anymore.” Leon shrugged.  “Not very ‘manly’ I know, but there it is.”

 

Leon's confessions made Mina blink in shock. She had been wondering if he had kissed his noble ladies but she had never even imagined that he had gone even further with someone. She had thought that she would give him something special but judging from his words it wouldn't have meant anything. She should have realised that herself and it shamed her. "It is very honourable, Lee", she stated with certainty. "What you are looking for is what mom and dad have and I know that they would be disappointed with you if you settled for anything less. I would be disappointed with you too", she added with a sigh.

 

"This was such a bad idea. I have no clue why I thought that it would be so great. Most men would have liked it but you're not like most men, Lee. You're something special and the one you will choose would better appreciate you. I will be so envious though", she admitted forlornly. That kind of things were for normal people like him. She was far too spoiled for it. She couldn't trust people and she didn't even want to get to know anyone enough so that she might be able to form some confidence with them.

 

It felt good to have Mina say that, but as far as Leon was concerned she had nothing to apologise for.  Good intentions, she just hadn’t known about it was all.  And most other men would have liked it, most of the men he knew anyway, just wasn’t him was all.  Now of course she was retreating into whatever memories she had, Leon knew her well enough to see it when it happened.  Except for the one time they had spoken about it when he was fourteen, it had never been raised again.  As he’d gotten older though, he’d gotten a better understanding of it, or rather, broader suspicions.

 

Reaching over, Leon pulled her into a hug as he spoke.  “Its alright, I didn’t tell you so how were you to know?  Don’t beat yourself up over it, if anything I should thank you.  I’ve never told anyone about... it.  Just don’t tell anyone else, they don’t need to know.” Getting assent from Mina, Leon squeezed her slightly before letting her go, a smile on his face. “And don’t start on that whole you never finding happiness nonsense.  There’ll be someone you trust, sooner or later.”

 

The embrace was more than welcome, she had needed it and Mina clung on to him eagerly. They were of almost equal height so she rested her chin on his shoulder with a satisfied sigh. It felt good to be close to him and to be in his confidence. She was glad that he had spoken to her about something he hadn't told to any of the others and that it had made him to feel better too. She assured him almost angrily that of course she wouldn't tell anyone. Tula was the blackmailer and telltale if she felt like it, not her, she thought. With a final squeeze that she returned with a kind, she was parted from his warmth.

 

She tried to respond to his smile and regain the light mood but it was difficult. She was utterly convinced that she would never have anyone and even though she had occasionally felt a pang of sorrow when she thought about it, today it seemed especially heavy to bear. But this had been all about Leon's birthday and since her gift hadn't had been to his mind, she would give him something else. That determination gave her the needed something else to cling on to and she was able to grin at him genuinely.

 

"I don't feel like going home yet. How about you, birthday boy?" If he wanted to return, he could arrange it himself and if he didn't care for her her company anymore, she would go to see the street urchins. "The first party idea kind of fizzled but I know other places in Cairhien that might be more to your taste. What would you like? Food, dancing, gambling, drinking or maybe a bit of everything?"

 

Leon could see she was struggling with it, but she was trying and he didn’t want to dwell on it and make it worse for her.  Then, in a rather mercurial mood swing, she seemed fine again as she suggested they try something else.  Cairhien was a place of many entertainments, Mina knew what she was doing.  “You know Cairhien better than I do, you take me where you think we should go.”

 

Mina & Leon

[Arette]

Glad that Leon didn't want to end the evening to that, she offered him her arm grandiously. "Grace has truly favoured me in form of you today. No partying can be done with an empty belly so 'Herb Garden' is the direction. Their food can almost rival with Mary's cooking", she said loyally. She lead the way and they strolled on with their arms entwined. It was yet another higher class place and many of the tables were filled with poshy looking nobles who didn't deem them worth their attention after noticing their less than best quality clothes. They did get a table however if from the worst possible location that was in the shadow and didn't have a good view to the other tables. But to them it was the best possible location as it left them to peace.

 

The orders were taken promptly and Mina knew Lee's taste so she could decide for the both of them. Classy red wine was poured for them before the waiters retreated and they touched their glasses. She dedicated the toast to him and regarded him for a moment in silence before she decided to ask something that had titillated her curiousity for years since her discussion with Nyssa.

 

"What was it like?"

 

"What was what like?", he asked confused.

 

Light, this was the tricky part. She was getting flustered already and regretted ever even asking anything. "Well, you know... what you could have done today. You said that it was not bad but strange but could you be a bit more... specific?"

 

There was nothing quite like a fine red, if there was a vice that Leon occasionally indulged it was a good bottle of wine.  Especially after a mission, it was good for taking the edge off.  Savouring his mouthful, Leon was about to help himself to a second when Mina asked her question.  Prompting her brought a surprise that Leon hadn’t expected, he didn’t recall her ever asking such questions about him before.  Then again, she hadn’t known about that aspect of him either.

 

Thinking about the question, Leon shrugged.  “Its hard to explain.  The first time I was so drunk I didn’t really feel much of anything, or remember it.  The couple of times after, it was…  This isn’t a really good example but I’ll try.  You know you feel how you embrace your gift?  That’s how it should be, but instead its more like when you have it just out of reach.  A hint of what it should be which makes what you do have seem shallow.”

 

Releasing a breath she had held, Mina was glad that Leon had answered. She thought that it was a very good example even if she found it impossible to relate it in any way to her own bad experiences in the bed room. "But how can you be sure that there is anything more to it? I am sure that it would be better with someone you loved but really that much better?" She grimaced to express that she didn't think that any of it was much good. "Do you think that the women felt the same?"

 

The colour of her face began to resemble slowly that of a piony and she averted his eyes firmly. "Mom told me about something men can do for women to give them more... pleasure", she whispered. "Did you do any of that?"

 

Leon blushed at the last, he might have only known a few women but he’d picked up a bit in the process.  “Yes, but its…  So hard to talk about.”  Grinning in embarrassment, he drank from his glass before continuing while his grin faded.  “The women I was with enjoyed it, more than I did I think.  And other people say there is more to it, and I feel like there should be something more to it, therefore there must be.  Sounds womanish, but there it is.”

 

Mina nodded vigorously in agreement that the topic was awkward. She looked around hurriedly to make sure that no one was close to hear what they were talking about, she would die of embarresment if she found a servant standing in vicinity. But no one was there and the closest tables were empty too. She followed Leon's example and gulped down her wine. It left a trail of warmth to her belly and she knew that she would have to moderate her drinking or she would feel light-headed soon. Other people said... so he had spoken of these things with someone. She doubted that that someone was Michael so it had to be...

 

"You've been speaking with Duram, haven't you?" She finally looked at him and got her confirmation. "What kind of advice did he give to you?" They should really stop as this wasn't just proper and they were in a public place of all things. But that kind of made it even more evil and exciting. Great Lord's beard, she wondered if she could ever see Leon quite the same way than before. This was very strange.

 

How had she guessed that?  Leon was vaguely annoyed that Mina had been able to pick it, but it had been true.  He hadn’t been comfortable going to father about it because listening to him talking about it would have been sickening.  Talking to his mother likewise was as bad if not worse a prospect so he’d most certainly not talked to them.  Mary probably would have told mother and he didn’t trust anyone else enough so Duram had been it.

 

He’d even been kind about it, between cracking jokes and making Leon feel a fool.  But, his advice had been simple and sensible, as well as a few other pointers but he wasn’t going to tell Mina about that.  “He just said if I was going to be with a woman, make sure it was one I liked.  Women who are meaningless mean nothing, women who mean something make all the difference in the world.  How is your wine?”

 

Leon's question made her notice that her glass was empty again. How had that happened? As she reached for the bottle again, her hand was unsteady. "Very good wine. We should get more of this and take it home too. And that sounds like a sensible advice." She was certain that it hadn't been all Duram had said but if Leon didn't want to tell, she would just have to wait a bit longer. Wine would loosen his tongue. "So is Duram following it himself with someone? And were they pretty? Prettier than me?"

 

The questions that were coming his way were not what he had expected at all.  All of a sudden Mina had gone from shy about feelings like these and mentioning little about them to a barrage of questions that were not easy for him to deal with at all.  And about Uncle Duram?  Why didn’t she talk to Uncle Duram about these things?  He was the one that had found her after all to begin with, well, technically his father first, but still. “Whoa, you mean you’ve never spoken to Uncle Duram about these things?  I would have thought since he found you, you two would have talked about things?”

 

Now it was Mina's turn to stare at Leon like he was insane. "Of course I haven't, he's a man and essentially he is my leader. I can't ask him about things like this and I wouldn't. We've talked about my training and his plans and that kind of things but I wouldn't speak about this with anyone but mom. And the way she is pestering me to meet some bloody noble men who I couldn't care less about, I can't talk with her either. And Tula is black... Umm... nothing. We have just never really been that good friends. Anyway, do you know what mom has also gotten into her head?" She grinned at Leon. "She thinks that you had a crush on me when you were fourteen. Have you ever heard anything as silly?"

 

“She said what?”  Leon had never spoken about that with his mother, she’d been no ones fool though.  In hindsight, it was so easy to see why he’d acted the way he had and why he’d been so quick to forgive her after everything that had happened.  It wasn’t that the reasons he’d given her at the time weren’t true, but there’d been more to it that had helped him stick to it, even if he hadn’t realised it himself then.  “And I don’t see why you wouldn’t talk to Uncle Duram.  He’s a man, but he knows a lot and well, he knows a lot.”  Leon quickly lifted his glass to his lips at that.

 

Ha, she had known that that would unsettle him. "I don't have to talk to Duram because I can talk to you", she grinned. "And since he told you alot of stuff, you could pass it on because you are nice like that. And be glad that mom has given up that kind of ideas. Otherwise she might be thinking that you and me could make a fine couple and that would be just plain weird, wouldn't it?"

 

“Yeah.” Finishing the rest of his glass, Leon began pouring himself a second.  She’d seized onto the topic and now for some reason wasn’t letting it go.  It was unsettling for Leon and, worse, Mina knew it and that would only be more incentive for her to follow it up because usually it was him that had her off-balance.  He did not like where it was headed, but maybe there was a chance to divert it.  “And I’m not the one to talk to.  You want a refill?”  Leon let the bottle hover over her glass.

 

"Sure, I really like this wi..." There was only half a glass left in the bottle. "Hey, how did it run out that fast? No matter, we'll get another bottle. Maybe taste their white wine too?" She just loved to watch Leon squirm and she was glad to give him the impression for a moment that he was off the hook. Finally she had found a topic that got at him and she wasn't going to let it go just yet.

 

"Leon, would you mind pulling a bit of a leg on mom? What if we let her to think that we had finally found each others just like she has always dreamed? And then when she is already seeing wedding bells and grandchildren and what have you, we'll tell her that it was all scam." She laughed. "That would be the best joke ever. Can you imagine her face?"

 

“Yes, which is exactly why it is the worst idea ever.” Nursing his glass in his hand, Leon frowned at Mina.  That was definitely a bad idea on her part, or maybe he was just failing to see the amusing side of it.  In fact, the day had definitely soured and more than anything he was beginning to wish he’d just stayed at home and worked on his sword.  “That wouldn’t upset her at all.”

 

There was a tumor in Leon's humor and that leeched all the fun out of the plan. "She would be disappointed in the end when she found out it had been just a joke", she said with a shrug. But then did she really want to disappoint Nyssa? Just the contrary, she just couldn't give Nyssa what she wanted and that was finding someone. She doubted that anyone would want her when they could have perfectly normal nice girls who they didn't have to see so much effort for to have them caring the man back. That was likely why Leon didn't like the plan either, he didn't want to pretend having tender feelings for her. A night of bad ideas from her, it seemed.

 

But this was an early birthday celebration for him and even if she was miffed at him, she would have to try and restore his good mood. She was desperately trying to find a new safe topic when the food was brought. White wine didn't really go well with the strong flavoured meat so she ordered another bottle of red wine. The good food made her feel slightly better and he seemed to be enjoying his dish too. She couldn't think of anything reasonable to say but the silence was getting awkward even though they were focusing on the dinner. "I'm sorry, Lee. I didn't mean to tease you so."

 

“Well, you did.”  Leon knew that wasn’t particularly wise, or fair for that matter, but as the minutes had rolled by his mood had become blacker even as his outward appearance had become more pleasant.  The fact that he couldn’t temper his anger only served to irritate him further, making it barely possible to hold it all together.  If there was ever a need for tact, now was the moment but it was proving to be incredibly difficult to find.

 

Taking a deep breath and exhaling, a second deep breath helped before he spoke.  “I’m sorry, but if I stay any longer I’m going to say something I shouldn’t.”  Sitting his cutlery on his plate, his serviette followed as he stood.  “I’ll see you back at home later.”  At that, Leon turned and made his way out, walking away from Mina for the second time that day.  This time he didn’t stop, he kept going until he found a safe place to channel and left her and Cairhien behind altogether.

 

Mina & Leon

[Arette]

Stepping onto the road, Leon sighed as he looked up at the manor.  He wasn’t looking forward to this at all, but he had been away for several months now.  If he waited longer then it was going to be worse, especially since Uncle Duram had refused to cover for him.  He would have to deal with it all himself, but then he had dug that hole for himself so he would climb back out himself.  And like all journeys, it began with a single step forward.

 

Rubbing his chin absentmindedly, he had to admit that it did feel good to be shaven again.  A few months up in the mountains might have done him some good with the air, but physically that’s as far as it went.  Several months spent with a major component of his diet being wine had left him a little too thin, though he hadn’t let up on his sword training.  If anything, he’d spent about as much time on that as he had done fishing.

 

It felt strange walking into the manor grounds after so long.  He was used to seeing changes minutely, a little at a time.  With an entire season passed, things felt oddly foreign, alien.  It was an unsettling feeling, one of not feeling entirely at home in the place he had always called home, but it was there nevertheless.  It troubled him a little, but like any sword that picked up nicks and chips, he’d smoothed those away with a whetstone until they were gone.

 

Standing before the door, Leon laid a hand on the door and stopped.  He’d thought about this a few times, he knew he’d be fine now.  One of the good things about his retreat was that there were only a very limited set of things he could do there.  Fish, train, drink, eat and sleep.  That was it, and sooner or later he had to work things out.

 

Pushing the door open, Leon stepped inside and closed it behind him quietly.  It was afternoon, with any luck someone would be in the kitchen.

 

Leon Daemeau

Home again

[Arette]

Approaching the kitchen, Mina frowned at the clatter she heard from there. She had promised to start the dinner preparations for Mary and the kitchen should have been empty. Gabriel at fifteen was going through a growth spurt but he had eaten so much at the lunch that even he shouldn't be hungry yet. Opening the door, she witnessed Leon butchering a perfectly good toast under a sea of mustard. He had inherited the disgusting habit from Michael but at least Leon's father had the courtesy to let the family know when he was going away for longer times. Everyone had been worried to death for Leon for months and here he was back, blithely looting the kitchen like he had never been gone. He looked thin but otherwise alright and would get a good earful from his mother. And first her. She had been the last person to see him and Nyssa had inquisitioned her about the details of his departure many times.

 

"Well, well, the prodigal son is back. When did you loose the last of your thinking capability, Leon Daemeau? Not a word in months! Mom has been worried sick for you. Where have you been? No, never mind, I don't care. I'm going summon her now and she can deal with you."

 

Wincing at the comment, Leon set down the butterknife and put the two slices of toast together before looking up at Mina.  Even if the season had changed, she at least had remained the same.  Well, except for the attitude, but after having been gone for so long with no word, Leon had been expecting it.  That being the main reason he seemed unruffled as he spoke.  “I am well, thank you for asking.  How are you?  You look well.  Is my family well?”

 

Fuming at his attitude, she gave him a glare. Nyssa would want to know as much as possible when she went to get her so she might as well as a few questions. And she did want to know even if he was an uncaring prick. He seemed to be excluding her from the family, likely a deliberate insult. "Everyone is fine but worried for you", she relented to say. "What was this bright idea, Leon? Duram did not send you anywhere so where were you?"

 

Well, at least he was able to get that much out of her.  Knowing how Mina could be when she was fired up, Leon was grateful for that much.  Never mind that he might, and indeed did, have a perfectly valid reason for going off by himself for a time.  “I needed some months alone to think.  Now that I’m fine, I thought I would come back and see that everyone was alright and see whether I was still welcome here.  Or should I leave?”

 

"Mom and dad want to see you so you won't be going anywhere until that. And you could have told us why you were leaving and how long you would be gone. And if you took longer than you thought, you could have sent a word." Useless hindsight now but it might stop him from doing the same in the future. "What was so important to ponder that it took so long?" She doubted that he would tell her but it had to be tried at least.

 

“Everything.”  That much was true, they had been a very long few months for Leon as he tried to figure out his place in the order of things.  The drinking had definitely helped there when it had come to reconciling himself with how things had to be.  “Do you happen to know where mother is?  I don’t want to keep her waiting any longer.”

 

Burn it, she wanted things back the way they had been. All this strangeness had started from her hare-brained birthday gift and she would have to sort it out somehow. "Lee... are you really alright? If you won't tell me, please please tell mom at least. She is in her office." He just nodded and took his mockeries of toast with him. When the door was closed behind him, Mina covered her mouth with her hand and stared at emptiness for a long time. She wanted him to stay home and if he did, she would have to make the peace gesture. She had been too angry at him to get the real answers but... no, the first move was to tell him she wanted him to stay. But he would see Michael and Nyssa first and while she thought what to say to him, she might as well employ her hands with the dinner preparations.

 

Mina Daemeau

Worried

[Arette]

Standing outside the office that his mother had developed for herself, Leon slowly sneaked a look around the doorframe to see that she was working away at something.  Taking a deep breath, Leon walked in quietly and swung the door on noiseless hinges behind him.  He was tempted to believe that she was so wrapped in her work that she hadn’t noticed him.

 

“Gabriel, what is it?” Walking over to his mother, Leon was finding that what he’d prepared to say wasn’t cutting it.  It had sounded really good in his mind, up until the point he’d entered the room and seen her.  She hadn’t even realised it was him, that was how long he’d been gone and that cut deeply.  Then again, that was his own fault, he’d done that to himself.

 

Another deep breath.  “Mother.” Leon didn’t think he’d ever seen her move that fast in his entire life, one didn’t even see the whirl.  One second she was looking at the paper in her hands and the next moment she was looking towards him with a variety of emotions all playing over her face at once.  “I’m sorry I didn’t keep in contact.  But I’ve come home, if you’ll still have me.”  Looking down at his feet, Leon couldn’t hold her gaze without getting shaky.

 

 

There was always something going on that demanded her attention. Michael joked at times that she was just working so hard to keep her mind of the fact that her children were almost grown up now, no longer in need of her attention. She wondered at times if he was right. She had always found working for Duram as well as raising her children and being a decent wife a bit of a hard thing to juggle at the same time, but now that Toulan was out training, and Gabriel was often out studying with Thom, she found that she missed something to keep her mind occupied. Of course Mina was still a source of worry at times, being as unpredictable as a cat even at the best of times. And Leon…

 

With a frown she stared at her paper again, pushing back the overwhelming urge to walk through the mansion again, to see if he hadn’t returned while she was working. It was pointless. About as pointless as going over the same report twice, but at least it kept her mind occupied. The names of the paper were starting to blend in with each other. Lord whoever. Lady what’s her name again? Sir I don’t care. She straightened her back, pulling her eyes away from the paper. Enough for now. She could continue tomorrow. The slightest sound of a footstep caught her attention. Too heavy to be a woman. Gabriel. She called out to him, only to hear a different yet familiar voice answer her.

 

Leon, the son who had occupied her mind so often during the past months, stood in the doorway to her office. Stood there, and stared at his feet like he had done when he was a boy, knowing he had done something wrong. Nyssa closed her eyes briefly, pushing back the anger she felt. Four months and some change. She had been worried sick when Michael had allowed him to go camping by himself when he was fourteen. She felt no different now. When she opened her eyes he was still standing there, staring at his feet. “Leon? Look at me.” Her tone was a little more clipped than she intended, but her touch on his cheek was gentle. He looked well enough. A little too thin, a little too tired and a little too worried for a boy his age. “Welcome home…”

 

 

Those were the only words he needed.  Reaching forward, Leon wrapped his arms around his mother as she did the same and felt himself pulled into her embrace.  He’d missed home, despite everything that had kept him where he was.  His family was important, his mother in particular.  While father was the one that gave him the extra freedom when he needed it, it had always been mother who had been there.

 

He’d been so worried that his mother would turn him away for not having kept in touch, for letting them worry.  But she didn’t, at least not now and Leon was just glad that he had his mother there to hold him.  Nineteen or not, it still felt good to have his mother there with him.

 

It was awhile before they parted but when they did, Leon was at least able to look at his mother’s face. “I’m sorry.  I just…  Too much going on, needed to sort it out on my own without distraction.  I’m better now, is everyone here alright?  Apart from the worry.”

 

It was impossible to let Leon go, now that he had finally returned to them. Nyssa held on to him with as much fervour as she had when he was still a boy, clinging to her after having a bad dream. “Oh, we’re fine.” She said, imagining for a moment that she could feel his ribs through his shirt. “Toulan is still off for her training, and Gabriel just manifested, so he’s keeping your father and Thom busy enough as it is. Mina was almost frantic with worry, even though she tried to hide it.” She chuckled softly. As if any of her children could hide things like that from her. Leon had picked the only way to effectively shut her out of his life for a while, and she hoped that he would never do it again.

 

She pulled back slightly so she could take a good look at him. “You’ve grown.” She said, a wistful smile curving her lips. “You all grow up so fast.” Four months could change a lot of things in someone as young as Leon. Time had seemed to slow to a crawl before she married Michael, but now it seemed to be slipping through her fingers faster than she had ever wanted. One moment Leon was five, without a care in the world, and the next he was nineteen, and he would never be that carefree again. “Will you at least tell me why you left without a word?”

 

The mention of Toulan’s ‘training’ almost had Leon twitching but at that moment he was just so glad to be welcomed back that he barely cared.  That Gabriel manifested was big, he would have to catch up with his younger brother and congratulate him.  The mention of Mina was likewise welcome, yet not.  Yet the conversation steered its course to the reason he had left in the first place, an unfortunate but inevitable turn.

 

Taking his mother’s hands into his own, Leon shook his head at her.  “It doesn’t matter anymore.  I just had to leave in order to come back was all.  Too many things to deal with, needed to be able to go somewhere and just think.  I thought it through, and what was troubling me is dealt with.  I know its asking a lot, but could we let it lie?  Dredging it up won’t do any good now.”

 

Nyssa sighed at that. So many secrets, so many mysteries. Could she ever blame her eldest son for keeping them? Of course not. While she had always tried to be as open as possible with her family, Nyssa knew that she was secretive by nature. She kept her feelings inside, only to have them pried out by Michael from time to time. You just couldn’t change one’s nature just because it was inconvenient at the time. Michael had obviously learned to live with it. So would she.

 

“So be it then.” She muttered, letting go of Leon and taking a step back so she could take a good look at him. “Next time you run off you should take better care of yourself. Mary will pitch a fit when she sees you so thin. Your father is out in the woods with your brother. You should see them as well. I think they’d like knowing you’re back before seeing you appear at dinner. And if you see Mina, tell her I wish to speak with her about something one of my contacts reported. It should interest her, I think.”

 

“I will, I just need to get some air first and pull myself together.  Last thing I need is Gabby pointing out I’m a little teary.” Smiling, Leon squeezed his mother’s hands before stepping back, slipping his hands from hers.  Making his way to the door, he looked back briefly at his mother who was watching him with a small smile on her face, much like the one he wore as he stepped outside.

 

He was home.

 

Nyssa & Leon Daemeau

Mother and son

[Arette]

After she had cut her fingers the third time while peeling the potatoes, a simple basic task, Mina decided that it was the best to let the dinner wait. She was worried that Leon would see Nyssa and and leave before she had a chance to speak with him again and make amends. She carried the bucket of vegetables and the chopping block to Leon's room because she suspected that he might come there but she couldn't work. She paced around the room nervously and wondered what she should say to him. She knew what she wanted to say but she hadn't decided whether it would be the best thing to say. At least it would come from the heart.

 

She wasn't certain how long she had waited in vain when she saw a dark figure on the path that lead to the beach, their beach where they had fought for the first time, where he had taught her to swim and to accept Spring. She would have recognised him from any distance. Bouncing to her feet she decided that she would take the training lathes with her just for the old time's sakes. She didn't bother even with a cloak but hurried after him with the wooden practice blades.

 

Leon was just standing there and staring at the sea and he didn't turn to look at her or acknowledge her presence in any way. Dropping her bundle to the sand, Mina walked to embrace him from behind. "Lee...", her voice was husky with emotion. "I'm glad that you're home again. Don't ever leave like that again, please don't."

 

"You're the most important person in my life and I feel like I'm loosing you. I can't take it. We were so close and then all the sudden... what happened to us?"

 

After speaking to his mother, Leon had really needed some air more than anything else, and a chance alone again to think.  Nowhere in the house suited the purpose so he’d left the manor in search of somewhere better.  It was the call of the ocean that captured him, the rhythmic breaking of the waves upon the shore that had been one of his earliest childhood companions before he could even walk.

 

Standing upon the beach, the wind coming strongly off the water thankfully didn’t possess the icy chill of the winter months.  His hair whipping in its wake, he was unbothered by it as he simply allowed himself to be.  When he had gotten to that point, he could then think without distraction.  Without distractions he could ensure that he’d made the right choices and that he was doing the right things.

 

Nice theory, difficult reality to assert when he felt familiar arms wrapping themselves around him from behind as Mina drew herself close.  Closing his eyes as she spoke didn’t help because that simply made him more aware of how close she was, of the pain in her voice.  Made him more aware of the choices he’d made and how he had to stick to them, and there was no helping it.  If there was anything to be learned, it was that the right decisions were the hardest ones.

 

“I needed to make some decisions, and they were ones that only I could make.  I shouldn’t need to do it again, so I shouldn’t need to leave again.”  Not like how he did that had created the mess to begin with.  Reaching up and taking one of her hands in his own, Leon sighed. “Are we really that distant now?  Or is this something that will disappear with a bit of time?”

 

Squeezing his hand reassuringly, Mina sat on the sand and pulled him down beside her as she wrapped her arm around his shoulder. She run her knucle on his cheek and smiled at him. "No, no we're not distant now, Lee. I really hope that it will all disappear but it takes more than time, it takes effort. I thought that you could have spoken to me of anything, even if the decisions would still ultimately be yours. I am glad that they are done and won't be taking you away anymore but wouldn't you speak of them? Please. If you can't... you might not want to make a distance but won't there be one then unavoidably?"

 

“Its done, and I had to do it alone not only so I made the choice, but also because I didn’t want to burden anyone with it.”  Taking the hand that was stroking his cheek into one of his own, Leon thought over his words before he spoke them.  “Its not worth getting into.  Have you been alright?  Mother says that you kept it hidden but you were worried all the same.  I’m sorry I did things the way I did but…  It was unavoidable.”

 

So he wasn't going to tell. But Mina would press it a bit longer because if it was something so important and something that heavy, he should be able to share it with someone. "Burdens become lighter when you share them with someone and I can see why you wanted to carry it alone but you don't have to, Lee. I want to help. Please let me and share it with me. And what ever it was, it took you away for four months so don't try to fool me and say it was worth nothing. It was an important decision that is going to affect your life. Why can't you tell how? Does it have to do with Duram? It can't have since he denied having anything to do with this."

 

"I am alright now when you are back. I would be even better if I knew what was going on with you. And of course I was worried. I just expressed it badly today, in wrong order. Your mother welcomed you home right away without any accusations, didn't she? That's what I should have done too but I am not ready yet. I still set my own hurts and fears first even if large part of it was on mom's behalf. But you didn't need that, not after your four months away. I'm sorry for that, for burdening you with it unbidden. I should have waited for this, until you asked to share it."

 

“Its alright.”  It wasn’t, but it was to be expected and it was done with now.  Leon hadn’t spent four months getting himself in order just to start quibbling over things that were better left in the past.  “And some burdens don’t get lighter when they’re shared.  Just trust me, its best left alone now.  Oh, and while I remember, mother wants to see you when you’re ready.  Something about some report she received or some such.  She hasn’t been keeping you too busy has she?”

 

"Alright", she said neutrally to hide the hurt that he wouldn't trust her. It wasn't alright, she wanted to cry but it wouldn't change anything. She would never find out, no one would except maybe Duram. It was good that Leon had at least someone he could confide to even if it wasn't her anymore. She would just have to live with it. If she let it rub her, she would start closing to him and he would start closing to her. She would take what he could give because even that was better than nothing even if it would be painful.

 

"Thank you for letting me to know about the summons. I need to go soon then... a new mission, I think." No, she didn't want to go and be apart from him so soon again. But they had their duties and even though he had been gone for months to sort out something personal, she wouldn't dally home just because she wanted to spend time with him and try to mend rifts. "I have had things to do to keep my mind off things and it's been good kind of busy. Missions always are. Honour and pleasure to serve and all that", she smiled sincerely. "Will you miss me, even a bit?"

 

Leon chuckled at the last question as he squeezed her hand.  “You shouldn’t have had to even ask.”  Releasing her hand, Leon had a smile on his face.  “At anyrate, I won’t hold you up.  The sooner the mission is started, sooner its finished and sooner you’re back.  I’ll hopefully be here when you get back.” Hopefully, but maybe bridges would have to be mended another time.  He just had to hope his choices didn’t drive a wedge.

 

Willpower kept the slight quiver from Mina's lips. She had seen it necessary to ask and that should have told him something. She hadn't really expected him to say that he wouldn't miss her but she had had to hear it. In told times such things wouldn't have been necessary between them. "You are right about the time. I too hope that you'll be here. It has been some time since we did any mischief together." She winked as she rose to stand and brushed the sand off her bottom. "I think that Mary is growing far too complacent." And Mary reminded her of... "Blood and ashes, the dinner! I was supposed to help her. I'll see you at the table if there is going to be any food available." With a last ruffle to Leon's hair she was dashing back to the house.

 

Mina & Leon Daemeau

[Arette]

The wide hems of Mina's forest green silk dress swished on the polished floors of the hallway as she made her way to Leon's room. He was barely ever home anymore when she was not on a mission and even when he was, they didn't really talk to each others. It had been gradually getting worse over the year she had finally caved in to what she knew her mother had wished for some years, starting to see some proper men. She was certain that Leon despised her for it, she just couldn't understand why. She wanted to find someone she could share everything with like Nyssa and Michael did. She wanted what she and Leon had had before he had went away for months and wouldn't tell her why. Things just hadn't been the same after that no matter how she tried. She wanted that and more. Even though Lee avoided the women their mother tried to have him go meet at the parties and kept himself busy, he could have at least tried to understand what she yearned for.

 

She had spoken with her now suddenly reluctant mother about the ideal candidate. Her requirements were simple really, a dark haired man who was at least a bit taller than she and somewhat handsome. More important was the nature, though. She wanted someone kind but strong, someone she could absolutely trust. A lightfool was absolutely out and since she prefered someone who was allied with Duram, who did not act openly yet in the world yet, it narrowed down the choices quite a bit. She would have prefered a channeler but there were no such Dreadlords available at that time who met the requirements so she had settled to look among those without the gift.

 

Gleeman Inveig she had encountered on a mission and at hindsight it was easy to say that she should have decided to never meet him again since he had reminded her of Pander Wilkes. She had finally complied to his persistence that they meet again and outside work now. He had turned out to be a sweet natured man whose stories made her laugh and he had been respectful of her physical integrity. He hadn't even looked like the man really and there definately was no a hint of the madness and sadism. But something in the demeanour, some gestures.... it gave her the creeps. But this was the first man she had ever agreed to go out with and since she enjoyed his company save those eye blink of moments, she never told anyone. She might have told Lee but he had made it clear that he did not want to hear anything of her dates.

 

It had ended badly of course. After months she was comfortable with him touching her and he was always careful to not do so unexpectedly. They had been dancing and having a fine night and they both knew that he was going to kiss her. She had never been more nervous in her life but she was looking forward to it. It had made her snap. Inveig was no stranger to brawl but he had not expected anything like this. Nyssa who had been at the inn in supervisory role had brought her home a wreck and the whole family had gone out of their way to restore her feeling of safety and belief in herself, even Tula and Leon. It had taken her months to recover and Nyssa had almost forbidden her from doing anything like this again when she had confessed that she would like to try her luck again despite everything. Lee had been livid and the quarrel they had had wasn't something she wanted to reminesc.

 

This time Mina had ended up on a Tairen noble man whose whole family was sworn to the dark. She had met him a few times at the parties where she had went thinking that Nyssa wanted it. Mother always lamented how she didn't meet people. She had been slightly attracted to this Alatriste as they had danced. He had been charming and made her feel awesome in the beginning but he was not used to wooing something for as long time as she would have needed. And he could not shake entirely free of the bias his countrymen had against channelers and she doubted that he could have in the end accepted being together with a woman who was more powerful than him. He lost his patience with her and it had been an effort to not end their last horrible date early. The dinner discussion could have been used as a manual for veiled scathing insults and even though he was a bastard, his demeaning words took root. She learned painfully that verbal abuse could be even worse than physical one. She had thought that she had hid her hurt well from the family but Alatriste's sudden death the day after cured her from the notion. The matter was never discussed but she was quite certain that Nyssa had paid him a visit in the World of Dreams.

 

She had sworn herself out of dating when Tomas Carver had jumped into Duram's ranks from Lanfear's service. They had been sent on a mission together by Duram and she had gotten along with him very well. Well enough, that they met occasionally afterwards until he finally asked her out officially. She reluctantly accepted but this time it turned out well. Tomas had built her self-confidence back slowly and patiently and had almost convinced her that she really was something special and she would be forever greatful to him for that. Nyssa clearly liked Tomas and they had known each others for six months when he had gotten an invitation to the house to have a dinner with the family. Mina had been neglecting the poor guest a bit since Leon had been home after a battle of wills with Nyssa that he had lost. She hadn't essentially seen him in months and she had been crushed when he left almost immediately after the dinner.

 

She had been absent minded and wanted to escape the family and Tomas too. Finally she had ended up taking Tomas to her and Leon's beach. She did not want to even think of the rediculous claims he had made there. They had kissed and it had been nice but far from the bliss Nyssa had described to her. Tomas had noticed and she was still sorry for the hurt she had caused for him. His feelings for her had been stronger and she was certain that it was just that horrible disappointment that had made him sprout the drivel about her and Leon based on his 'observations'. What did some outsider know about them? She hadn't seen Lee in a long time, that was all. He was her best friend... or had been and she was just missing him. There was nothing more to it except that Lee was now avoiding her and had stopped caring.

 

She was certain that she had disappointed Nyssa again by this third failure and her inability to fall in love depressed her. Her mother wanted to see her happy and she had seemed to like Tomas so likely she had been holding her fingers crossed for them. Nyssa thought that she should give up on the idea of meeting anyone on purpose and just let it happen if it was meant to be. But finally she had been desperate enough to ask if their father knew any nice Dreadlords she might get along with.

 

Now she was going to the Fortress to meet someone Michael had vouched for. Noel was not one of Duram's but an Aurani and a lot older and more experienced than any of the men she had met before. She was certain that he would think that she was an immature pup and she was worried about what all Michael had told of her. This was someone from her father's Order which made it somehow more serious and even more important than any previous date she had had. If it went wrong, it could affect on Michael and she would rather slash her wrists than bring him any kind of shame.

 

She didn't know why she even bothered to go to meet Leon. He would manage to kill her mood with his indifference again. But the 'observations' Tomas had made still disturbed her and the encounter would proof once again that there was absolutely nothing of the kind between them. There wasn't much of anything between them anymore and her heart bled when she remembered how close they had been before his nineteenth birthday. How things could change in just little over a year. She tugged up the neckline of the dress. She never wore low cut dresses except on dates and the amount of chest displayed was uncomfortable. The whole dress hugged her form far too tightly and she didn't like the belt Tula had chosen exactly because it did what she claimed, it accentuated her waist. She knocked the door, something that would have been unnecessary once and entered at the call. What did she even have to say to him?

 

"It has been a while, Lee." I have missed you, she wanted to say but since he didn't return the feeling, it would make her look like a fool. "Is everything alright with you? You keep yourself busy but I hope that it is good busy."

 

Mina Daemeau

Just wanting to find someone

[Arette]

Fifty.  Fifty one.  Fifty two.

 

The count continued in Leon’s head as he pushed himself up then lowered himself back down.  Idle hands often resulted in an idle mind, and he had learned a long time ago that an idle mind was one that wandered off the beaten track.  Therefore, whenever he had energy he found himself to do and kept himself busy until he was ready for sleep.  Besides, he needed to be in the best condition possible and he couldn’t let himself become lax between assignments.

 

Those assignments came more and more frequently now, even when Uncle Duram recommended he take time away Leon managed to convince him to let him take on another piece of work.  There was no end to the work that needed to be done, he couldn’t let it slip just because he hadn’t taken time for himself since a little over a year ago when he’d retuned to Uncle Duram’s service properly.  He owed the man so much yet he had done so little for his Master, being out in the world and carrying out Be`lal’s will was something that helped him maintain a steady ease of mind.

 

Especially with how rocky the year had been.  Toulan had been…  Well, she was Toulan, she’d chosen what she’d wanted to do and even though Leon despised it, mother wouldn’t do anything about it so it continued.  Gabriel at least was better, but he was still in his young years, too young yet to enter service.  It was something Leon was glad for, he was certain that of all of them, losing Gabriel would hurt them the most, being the youngest.  He might not have been the tallest, the bravest or even in possession of a sense of devotion or duty.  But he was family, and moreover he was the youngest.

 

That was why Leon was pretty sure that when Gabriel was ready, he would be able to convince Uncle Duram to assign Gabriel to him.  Leon would better be able to keep an eye on him at least and keep him safe, as much as he trusted his fellow Order members he preferred to look over his brother himself.  But, that time would come in its own right and in the meantime Gabriel would have the chance to enjoy what innocence he had.

 

Unlike Mina.  The thought still killed him, of how things had gone with all the men she had met.  Leon couldn’t remember their names, but he remembered disapproving of every single one of them.  Not one of them had been worth the time invested in them, especially that Tairen who had ended up very dead very quickly around the time that it had been broken off badly with Mina.

 

Now this one.  Noel Arvidge, never mind that he was at least five times Mina’s age, had been put forward by father and they’d decided to take it up.  The very idea of the two of them being together caused him to push himself at twice the pace, attempting to jolt his thoughts away from it and maybe burn his arms out while he was at it.  It didn’t bear thinking about, it wasn’t Leon’s to deal with, he wouldn’t have anything to do with it and that was the best way it could go.

 

Stopping, Leon rolled onto his back as he attempted to get his breath.  All the while, the idea of Noel sitting down with Mina to share a meal ran through his head.  It shouldn’t have bothered him, she was her own person and moreover she had mother and father to watch over her.  She had family, and that was what she needed more than anything else.  As long as she had that, she would be fine and he was sure of it.  Then she would find someone she liked enough, loved enough and she would be settled down and happy.

 

Everyone would be happy.

 

Rolling back onto his chest, Leon began a new series of push ups.  It would only be a day or two until new orders came, he could manage a day or two.  Afterwards he could go back to his retreat and take a week for himself.  A good opportunity to go and sort things out, quieten himself, calm his feelings and allow him to focus again on what was important.  Uncle Duram understood the importance of the time Leon took so he wouldn’t begrudge it, he needed it to function.

 

Hearing a knock at the door, Leon quickly got to his feet and snagged his shirt off his bed.  Slipping it on, he called for whoever it was to enter, only to be surprised when he saw Mina.  Green silk, a dress unlike the ones she normally wore but then tonight wasn’t a normal night.  She’d be going to see Noel, but that was a thought that didn’t register on his face as he smiled slightly.

 

It had been awhile, and he had indeed been busy.  Everything was fine.  “Everything is fine, Uncle Duram just has many things that need to be done.  You know how the work is, no rest for the wicked and such.  I think I’ve been to every single country in the Westlands and a couple of the dead ones now.  Speaking of which, you’re travelling up north tonight aren’t you?  The dress looks good on you, are you ready?”

 

Leon Daemeau

[Arette]

Somewhere there's speaking, it's already coming in

Oh and it's rising in the back of your mind

You never could get it unless you were fed it

Now you're here, and you don't know why

 

You're waiting for someone to put you together

You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another wound to discover

There's always something more you wish he'd say

 

I am everything you want, I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be

I say all the right things at exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you, and I don't know why

 

- Vertical Horizon: Everything You Want

 

 

So light and easy. Leon had gotten over them much better than Mina had. "Duram has many plans indeed and I haven't done as much as I could have. A state of matters that will change." She grimaced when she thought of the way she had spent her year. Such frivolity. This would be the last attempt and if it didn't work, it wasn't meant to be. She had a wonderful family and a job she loved. They were enough sources of pleasure for any two people and she should just learn to be glad with what she had and not reach for the moon from the sky. How she wished that they could go to missions together. She missed his company, someone's company. Tomas had been good for that but she hadn't been able to be to him what he wanted and the last time she had asked Leon, she had been rebuffed. She wouldn't ask again.

 

"No, I am not ready", she breathed honestly before she remembered that things weren't confidential between them anymore. She plastered a smile on her face. "Just nerves. It will be good. Dad speaks good things of him." She nodded her head in acknowledgment. "And thank you for the compliment. You look very fit yourself. Judging from the slight sweat, you were training when I came in. Am I interrupting?"

 

“Yes.”  He remembered a time when his straight face would have made her smile, but now she looked uneasy.  It made him regret having done it altogether, but then this was how it had come to be and no doubt how it would remain.  That was the problem with choices, once they were made you were stuck with them.  “But I’m glad for it, I needed a break.  Whenever there’s an idle moment, try to keep myself busy with something and talking is better.”

 

”Come, sit down.”  Gesturing to his bed, Leon went around the other side of it and laid down.  He smelt a little from the exercise, but he wasn’t particularly worried.  A bath once she was gone and he’d be good as new and ready to go to sleep.  “Noel is a nice man, otherwise father wouldn’t have said anything.  He’s bit old, but age isn’t everything.” It wasn’t a lie, strictly, but it didn’t feel right saying it.  “When is father stealing you away?”

 

She sucked breath in before she realised that he had been joking. Horrible that she couldn't tell even that anymore. His words about idleness made her shake her head with genuine puzzlement and amusement. "When did that change come about? You were never lazy but you could wind up and just enjoy being. Is that why you go away, to relax with good conscience?"

 

She sat on the edge of the bed at his urging feeling slightly uneasy. It was a large piece, though. Big enough for two and he laid at the other edge so there was no worry of any awkward physical contact. Gone were the years of easy wrestling. "He is not that old. Not for a channeler at least", she amended since to a twenty tree year old Noel was of quite advanced age even if he looked like he was still thirty or so. "It is still a thought that takes some time to get used to, that we'll live centuries." She grinned. "When we're hundred, you might have grown past the brattiness. Three years make a wealth of difference and you are a man after all." For a moment it was easy to pretend that things were like they had been.

 

Why did she do that?  Thoughts of why instantly came to mind, he understood exactly why she did it.  Didn’t mean it hurt any less though, she might be able to take her flights of fancy into what once was but he was firmly rooted in reality.  Brattiness.  He felt like yawning but he managed to keep it in.  Instead he spoke up, trying to push through the drowsiness.  “Its good to take a break once in awhile, from everything.  Not much time these days though.  And Noel is alright, it will be a good dinner at least.  Always good fare at the Fortress.”

 

It would have been to much to hope that Leon would play along even for a moment. It was indeed good to keep a break but to her the place to take it was always with the family or in Cairhien looking after the street children. It was a shame that he didn't feel like home was the place for him anymore. She was flattering herself thinking that she mattered even enough that he would bother avoiding her. He was simply busy and his schedules were a coincidence. He wouldn't seem to cease to speak about Noel and maybe it was care and he would like her to find someone. At least he hadn't pitched a fight now like with Alatriste. He had been right then so his instinct about this time meant might good luck.

 

"The Fortress is impressive in all ways." She smiled sweetly. "I will keep my eyes open for the pretty Dreadladies for you. What do you want in that special woman?" Though the last time she had tried to meddle in his women relationships, it had started the rift. But could it get any worse anymore?

 

“One that can cook, but you won’t find one of those in the Fortress.”  Smiling, Leon slipped his hands underneath his head while he looked up at Mina.  She was going to dazzle Noel in the dress no doubt, but maybe she’d find some happiness.  As old as he was, he was a nice person, even if the thought still irked him.  “She’d need to be able to make sense as well.  At that point I’m just being fanciful.”

 

He had managed to get under her skin and she would pay him back in the kind. She wanted to see him off the balance as much as she was. She could still remember what had gotten him irked in Cairhien. "There would be one woman in the Fortress who can cook", she said softly. "Unfortunately I don't fulfill the other requirement, making much sense. Just a word from you, Leon, and you would spare me the trip. Think how happy mom would be."

 

Blood and bloody ashes, what if he really took her for it. Impossible with the things were and he would never think of her that way anyway. She was entirely wrong for him and she doubted that Nyssa and Michael would actually be very pleased either. She and Lee just did not fit together anymore and it was a tragedy since they once had been inseparable.

 

Silence.  That was what dominated the room as Leon's face went blank.  Underneath was a different matter, but his face at least was under control as were his eyes.  He had his voice as well, but...  No, this was her paying him back for the comment.  He'd thought that she'd forgotten after all this time, but clearly she hadn't.  No, it was very easy to say what came next, it was all that was left to say.  "I think you should go.  I hope your dinner goes well." And while it was all that was left to say, there was no pleasure to be had in saying it.

 

There was no pleasure in his reaction. She didn't understand why she had wanted to hurt him and why it could hurt him anyway. So what if she joked about them? He didn't want her, not as a friend and not in that way. And behaving like this didn't help. She was a total goose-head. "Lee... I'm sorry. I will go. And thank you. You... you be well." With that she stood and rushed out of the room in her silk fineries. She needed to compose herself and badly if there was any chance of the dinner succeeding. And it had to since she had decided that it was her last chance to avoid being alone for the rest of her life.

 

Mina & Leon Daemeau

Leaving things unsaid

[Arette]

The beach.

 

It was ironic that of all places that Duram was standing there as he waited for a certain girl to make an appearance.  He’d heard how the episode with Mina had gone with Noel, early promise and then completely failing.  Of course, a bit over a month later Leon had then made the move that he’d been thinking of making for a very long time.  That had been a long time coming as far as Duram was concerned, though it seemed to take most by surprise.

 

Now, six months later after Mina’s last courting, things were truly dismal.  They had to be absolutely rock bottom if Mina had seen fit to approach him before he’d gone to see Nyssa and asked him to meet her out at the beach.  She’d never really confided in him at all, Nyssa had been her preferred choice over the years as had Michael.  Had things really come that point?  He’d thought it was a bottomless pit to which there was no end, but then perhaps he was wrong.

 

He also realised he was being very harsh.  They were young, very young, and young people made a habit of making mistakes.  Usually ones that were easily avoided if they simply slowed down long enough to talk or think about things.  And by thinking about things, Duram meant in a way that wasn’t full of self pity and loathing along with the other dozens of emotions that were characteristic of distressed youths.

 

But, it was also how they learned and that was the important thing.  That and seeing the choices they made and why they made them, it tended to give him a much better understanding of the people who served him.  He just wished that this particular drama didn’t belong to his adopted nephew and his adopted sister.  But, if wishes were fishes, everyone would cast nets.  Little point worrying about that now, especially as he could hear Mina’s footsteps in the sand behind him.

 

“You wanted to see me?”

 

Being surrounded by the people you loved the most and still feeling utterly alone was the paradox that summarised Mina's existence. The most important person of all had exited her life exactly nine months, two weeks and three days ago and she had barely even noticed because she had been too intoxicated by the first man in her life who had ever truly kissed her. When she had heard that Leon had moved out, it was like a spell had broken on her and things she had been willing to watch through her fingers in Noel, things that she had even found cute before, became issues.

 

He tried to limit her. Because no one knew about Duram yet, he thought that she was a freelancer and tried to recruit her. He thought that she had no master and therefore her missions and duties weren't as important as his. He wanted her to move to the Fortress and cook him dinners when they weren't working together. He didn't leave her space and independence and they didn't have as much in common as she had thought. He didn't understand her like Leon had and their temperaments were far too similarly volatile. By the time he seduced her, they were fighting like cats and dogs. She had wanted it to be just like with Leon only more and she had gotten everything but.

 

She couldn't talk to her mother who was so glad to see her girl finally settled down happily so she turned to her best friend who wasn't actually there and who really was avoiding her now. That had been the beginning of the end. She had done Noel the worst thing a woman can do to a man in the bed and they hadn't had anything to say to each others after that. She had moved back to home confused, afraid and very much in denial. She had buried herself in work with fervor that mirrored that of Leon's but even missions couldn't have helped time to chip away the self delusion and leave only pain and accusations. She had been blind to what had been in front of her all the time and now it was too late.

 

"Thank you for coming, Duram. I wanted to see you to express my gratitude and apologies. It has been an honour to serve and always will be and I am ashamed that the mess of my private life has prevented me from being as useful as I could have been. But that is going to end now. I just need do one last thing first. For that I would ask a day of leave and your assistance with finding someone."

 

"Do you know where Leon is?"

 

“Yes, and you don’t owe me an apology.” Falling silent at that, Duram shook his head as he realised that hadn’t been his most tactful comment as he saw the look on her face.  It hadn’t quite meant it that she owed Leon an apology as if it were solely her fault.  As far as he was concerned, they were both to blame for their well intentioned choices that had led to their mutual misery.  But, that was neither here nor there. “Why do you want to see him?”

 

But she owed Leon one, she could read from the silent implication with a cringe. Leon had always confided in Duram and he had likely told him of their latest fall out before she had went to Noel. And that had been the last one because he hadn't wanted to see her since. It was very true that she should be begging his forgiveness but even that was too late now. The best they could go back to was a shadow of what she wanted so it was less agonizing to be without him at all.

 

"We haven't met in months so I just need to see him, that's all", she said quietly. "I need to see that he is... alright despite everything. And he is alright, right?", she turned to him with alarm. "Anything else is beyond mending but it would give me... I just need it. I promise that I won't do anything to cause him further pain. I only need to see him."

 

Duram shook his head at Mina.  “You know I can’t tell you where he is.  He’s hidden his home quite deliberately so no one can find him, and the only reason I know is because he lives there permanently now.  I can’t break that confidence, if I do then he has no reason to trust me again, nor would anyone else.  It would be the same as if I told others what you told to me in private.”

 

He wouldn't tell her, she realised with a sinking feeling. "I understand", she said desperately and the mask covering her pain begun to slip. "But I must still see him, I swear that he won't know I am even there... if you can't send me there... tell me when and where he is going for his next mission. Please, I beg you." She couldn't help it anymore but averted her face from him covering it with her hands as she cried silently, able to at least muffle the sobs.

 

“I can’t do that…” The shudder that run through Mina made Duram bite his lip.  He knew that interfering was rarely a good idea when it came to people’s personal lives, but she was an absolute mess.  He needed her functioning, and Leon as well.  If things continued much further, Mina was going to be of absolutely no use to anyone and furthermore he hadn’t found her in Cairhien those years ago just to watch her suffer uselessly now.  Reaching over and putting a hand on her shoulder, he asked.  “Haven’t you tried finding him before?”

 

The hand on her shoulder helped Mina to force some semblance of control over herself and she wiped her eyes to her sleeves with last sniffles. She took a moment to breath deeply in and out until she felt able to speak again. "No, I haven't tried to find him. I thought that he would come visit home... but he never does when I am there. He doesn't want to see me and comes only when I am on a mission." She had even tried to leave false trails and claim that she was going away when it had been a long time since his last stop by but it had never worked. "He Skims so following him would be impossible even if I got that glimpse of him." She knew that she was missing some likely option but since Leon didn't want to be found, she doubted that she could find the trail.

 

“You are a mess, you know that?” It wasn’t an unkind statement, if anything there was sympathy in Duram’s voice.  So help him, they should have done something much sooner but the pair of them…  No, his thoughts were repeating themselves and that was a wasted effort.  Besides, he had been told where Leon stayed in confidence.  At the same time…  “You know, living off in his private place by himself, he has to do everything himself.  He is also too busy to grow his own food, make his own wine, make his clothes if you think about it.”

 

Duram's words gave her a startle but since they were true and his voice was kind, she just nodded and looked to the ground ashamed again. Buying supplies was the best way to find Leon but nothing stopped him from buying them while traveling. But while he was not on a mission... she had noticed that the family tended to purchase things from the village closest to them even if anywhere in the world would have been as close. Leon was likely of the same habit so all she had to find was to find that village. With some things he had a very particular taste so she could have a word with few shop keepers to see if he had dropped any hints or even better, had things delivered to him.

 

"Any hope for a starting point, narrowing it down to an even a wide region?", she asked hopefully. This was definately much better way to do it than just telling her which he couldn't have done anyway. It was a challenge.

 

“I was told where he lived in confidence.  Where he shops on the other hand, that I learned for myself.”  Duram had been worried about Leon so had checked up on him, Nyssa had been quite pointed about Duram at least doing that if he wasn’t going to directly intervene.  “He can be found on occasion in Jehannah.  You know Leon well enough to know the sorts of things he would buy and you’ve got a head on your shoulders.”

 

"Awesome. Jehannah it is then." Mina directed Duram a look filled with fierce greatfulness and affection and after a moment of hesitation stepped closer to give him a tight hug. "Thank you, Duram. I will stop being a disappointment and you don't have to worry about my... stability anymore, I promise. I believe that I need two days. By your leave?"

 

“Not yet, I need something from you.”  Frowning, Duram still wasn’t sure of this but he needed to make a provision.  “You’ll have longer than two days because I need a favour.  Your mother has been worried to death about Leon, both of you actually, but Leon in particular because she hasn’t been able to keep an eye on him.  I couldn’t tell her where he was and I was hoping the pair of you would try and sort out your problems sooner, and you can imagine how well that went…  I want you to find where he lives before speaking to him, and if things aren’t resolved you’ll at least be able to come back and let Nyssa know where he is.”

 

Halting to listen, Mina nodded to signal that she would do anything. She winced with guilt since the last thing in the world she wanted was to worry Nyssa but this was something that could assail mom's worry at least about one child. And she would be fine after seeing him. Not perfectly happy, she could never be that but at least she would know that he was alright. There would be no resolution for them, not now, not ever but he would at least have mom again. "I will do that, of course. Mom will appreciate the gesture, Duram. You are a truly great leader. Now, can I go please?" She was bristling visibly to go and find Leon and at his nod, she turned and spun the weave that would take her to Ghealdan right there. She was already gliding in the darkness when she realized that she hadn't even said goodbye to Duram. But he would understand.

 

Duram Laddel Cham & Mina Daemeau

Chosen & Troublesome follower

[Arette]

After hours of wandering in the stores of the capital city of Ghealdan and asking questions, Mina found the store where Leon bought his food from. The owner recognised him from the picture in a locket that she always had with her. Master Stonebridge wasn't eager to speak about his best customer at first but when she told him that his mother was looking for him because she was worried about him, he relented. Obviously he agreed that there was some cause to concern but she didn't have time to question him further about that. A cart stopped in front of the store and as the merchant looked out, he swore in surprise.

 

"Well little mistress, it is your lucky day. That's him coming to buy his monthly bulk."

 

Mina had already ducked behind the counter and crawled toward the back room as fast as she could. "Don't tell him that I was here", she yelped.

 

When she was safe, she pressed her back to the wall and she slid down to sit massaging her racing heart. She heard his voice for the first time in almost a year and it has rediculous how exhilarated such a small thing made her. He sounded gruff like a bear with a sore tooth and he was short to the point with the merchant. The first thing he ordered was fifty kegs of wine. Mina gaped. Was that whole amount for him for just one month or was he inviting some people over? She hadn't known that he had drinking buddies like that, she thought with fresh hurt. And what was the idea anyway with buying by the kegs instead of bottles?

 

He bought only basic food. Stuff that was easy to make. Very strange considering that he was at least as cook as a Michael and he had enjoyed spending time in the kitchen. He and Leon had even had little contests about that, like which one of them prepared some food faster. And at other times they had had the family judge their end results to see which one of them was the better chef.

 

The urge to see him was growing irresistible and she carefully peeked out from the floor level. She had to stiffle a gasp. Leon did not look alright at all. He was too thin, even thinner than the last time she had seen him. His rolled up sleeves revealed the well-formed muscles that stood out clearly as there wasn't much flesh to cover them. He looked like he hadn't shaved in weeks, his hair was unkempt and his eyes were bloodshot like he had been on a long drinking bout and on too little sleep. Her keen sight picked up the puffiness of her face and she believed with anger that all the kegs might very well be for him. Bloody burning fool. What was wrong with him?

 

When his shopping was done and everything was packed into the cart, she prepared to follow him out of the town but instead he headed deeper into the city stopping in front of an inn. Admittedly it was getting a bit late so maybe he would stay over in Jehannah if his house was some distance away. She made her way in from the back door and bribed the cook to allow her to stay in the kitchen until he would leave. The woman tried to strike up conversation with her but she focused on watching Leon try to drink down all alcoholic liquid in the house. Disappointment and worry welled in her. Why was he doing this to himself?

 

It was night when he finally took the reigns of the cart and headed out of the city toward the mountains. She sneaked carefully along behind the cart keeping her distance but he was drunk enough to not pay much notice. Wouldn't have noticed a herd of cows, burn him. Then he suddenly stopped and a silvery opening lightened the night a bit. He would get away and she had no way of following him. She made a desperate spurt after him and made it through the doorway before he closed it without even loosing a limb at the razor edged slash in the air. His Skimming platform was large enough that she could easily hide behind the cart and when he drove the carriage out, she could make the dark shape of the mountains behind them. They were definately not in Ghealdan anymore and not even on the same side of the mountain range.

 

He didn't go a long way before he stopped in front of a large mound. The night was dark enough that she couldn't see very far and she didn't dare to get too close anyway in fear that he would catch her. He seemed to be carrying things inside the mound so that had to be his house. It wasn't what she had expected but then it was oddly suitable for him. He must have made it himself with the One Power, earth mainly. She wished that she could see it from the inside.

 

Finally he realised that light might be handy and she could make out some windows. After a while he vanished in to the house and didn't come out even after she waited for some time. She dared to creep closer and finally peek inside from one of the windows. She could see a combined kitchen and living space and it was a pigstry. Did he never wash dishes? The amount of empty kegs piled against the wall made her bury her fingernails into her palms as she fisted her hands. And he was trying to empty yet another one, gulping down his glass like he hadn't gotten anything to drink in years. He was clearly trying to drink himself into stupor. How was she supposed to tell this to mom? And if she didn't and Nyssa came here without a warning... She would have to speak with Leon and try to dig out what was wrong.

 

She could just watch miserably how he downed the keg and how the glass finally dropped from his limp fingers as he passed out in the arm chair. She waited for what seemed like an eternity but he didn't stir. She had to go inside and see if she couldn't find some answers. Placing every step carefully, she entered the mound wondering why there was no door. Inside in the space where Leon was sleeping there were three doorways leading to other rooms and she sneaked to take a quick peek. A bedroom, bathroom and a storage room with shelves. And at the end of the hall there were stairs leading down to darkness. She took a candle and ventured down finding a massive cellar that was at least three times bigger than the house. Now it was a stroage for wine kegs and she wondered if that was its original purpose.

 

Her curiousity satisfied she returned to Leon and brushed his hair with her fingers and kissed his forehead and cheeks, wincing at the stale wine breath. She couldn't get enough from watching him and couldn't keep her hands away. She would have to help him to the bed eventually with the One Power and hope that he wouldn't wake and see her. But she could just put him back to sleep and the next morning it would be a dream if he'd even remember. She sat on the dirty floor leaning her head on his thighs and hugging his legs. She wished that time would stop and the moment would never end but he needed his bed.

 

She wrapped him gently on weaves of Air and floated him to the bed room. The bed clothes hadn't been changed in ages and even if he stank of booze, she refused to put him down there. Leaving him afloat, she rummaged through the cupboard to find clean linens. The air in the room got slightly better when she dumped the reeking bed clothes outside the house and she tucked him in the with care. She was greatly tempted to remove the glass panels in the windows to let in some fresh air but she didn't want to leave too clear signs of her presence. With a last kiss and smooch she reluctantly left to search for some explanation why he had been lowered into this state.

 

There was a messy desk in the living space and it was the logical first place to start. She bumped a pile of papers with her elbow and they fell to the ground spreading out. Drawings... Mina grinned when she saw the stick figures. No one could accuse Lee of huge artistic talents but the grin faded when she saw her name in one of the papers. She picked up the drawing and just stared at it before pressing it to her lips. It was the sweetest thing she had ever seen. Her arms were around Leon and they were sitting down, laughing. Her eyes were misty when she finally could let go of the drawing and look at the others. It was always them together and there seemed to be some kind of a chronological order. Leon had wanted to stab Alatriste! The protective sentiment was heart warming. She had had no idea that he had thought her so much over the years.

 

The drawings were dated and her hands began to shake when she realised that the distance between the figures had begun to grow and the colours and lines had gotten darker. Why had he kept drawing them? If only she had known that the lost closeness had bothered him as much as her. He had drawn down every tense moment they had ever had and the figures just got darker and sadder. Why hadn't he done anything?

 

She couldn't know if the drawings were in the same order anymore. He might notice that someone had been touching them but then he might think it had been him himself as drunk as he was. There was a note book open under the papers and the page was filled with his scribbling. She read the last lines and realised with excitement that it was a diary. She hadn't been aware that Leon had a diary! It would be worse kind of a break of confidence if she read it but he wouldn't have to find out. Maybe she could find some hope from the pages and hints to what she shoud do with him.

 

Mina Daemeau

Looking for answers

[Arette]

When I reported to Uncle, he told me the news.  She left Noel.  No reason why, no harm done to her that much I knew because otherwise Noel would be dead the moment he left the Fortress.  She wouldn't even tell anyone what it was, she won't even tell mother.  That worries me more than anything, though Uncle says he'll be going to visit soon.  That he'll go talk to Mina after he's seen mother and make sure she's alright.

 

I don't think I can go near her again.  She must think I've betrayed her now, and I have.  I was so wrong.  I can't be her brother, I'm no use to her.  Better that she simply remember what was rather than know the truth of it.  How could she ever trust anyone again if she knew how I failed her all this time?  That I couldn't be what I was supposed to.

 

I think Uncle knows.  I have been reduced to a messenger boy, because he knows what I do.  It would be simpler if I ceased to be.  Not by my own hand, I could not do that to my family, to my friends, those that I know.  But if I were to fall out there, doing what I was meant to...  They would hurt, but that pain would pass eventually.  Everyone could remember what I was, she could remember what she liked best of me.  She'd never know, none of them would, and I could be free of this pain.

 

Not that easy.  I deserve worse for failing her, failing everyone.  I must wait until Uncle requires me again, the wheel might weave me a chance yet.

 

Leon had written this a week ago. He hadn't known that she and Noel were parted until then. It made her glad that he still worried for her and cared but she couldn't help but feel a stab of disappointment. He didn't have the kind of feelings for her that she had hoped for. This was a brother worried about his sister and nothing more. She read on defeated and didn't understand what failing he was rambling about that kept him away from her. The depressed tone worried her and she feared that he would do something stupid to himself, something even more dangerous than getting drunk enough to pass out. She thanked Duram from her heart for not letting him to go to any dangerous missions. He was thinking it, the bloody burning fool was considering committing an assisted suicide in a mission. But why? She could not understand.

 

She had to read more. Chronological order might shed some light on what had happened to Lee. Opening the first page, her eyes skimmed the text.

 

Uncle Duram understood.  I don't think anyone else quite would have, well, maybe they would but Uncle Duram was good enough to give me a few days before going home, covering for me.  Killing was...  I've been training to do it for years and it wasn't what I expected.  Burn me if I didn't throw my guts up afterward, but Uncle Duram said it was a good thing.  It wasn't something to be done lightly, and I think I understand that now.

 

These past few days spent camping out in the Mountains of Mist have been helping me think about it.  Even found a place I think I want to make a home someday, the sound of water coming from the nearby spring that runs off the nearby waterfall into the Paerish Swar Lake reminds me of home, yet different.  I think I might head back after another day or two, feeling a lot better.

 

Poor Leon. She could still remember how distraught he had been when he had told of the incident. He had asked her if you ever got used to it and she had answered that she at least never would. She could justify it and make every as clean and quick as possible but it was a sign of humanity that every kill left a mark. She would never become a callous monster like some of the Dreadlords she had met and Duram would not accept it in his followers. It was good that Lee had found this place, though. A wonder that he hadn't mentioned it to her. The surroundings sounded beautiful and maybe she would get to see them sometime in the daylight.

 

It was a lot more difficult than I thought it'd be.  It had seemed like such a good idea, simply making the house with the one power.  Carving the door frame alone took an hour!  Burn me for an idiot, but its done at least.  Stocking it was easy enough and keeping weaves would ensure that the food would, well, keep.  Took so long, and my birthday's only a week away.  Glad I got it done beforehand, I think everyone's going to get a nice surprise when I bring them to come and see.  Wonder what Mina will think, it'd be nice to have her come around and visit.  Maybe I should make an extra couple of rooms for people to stay, father would help me with it.  I'm not woolheaded enough to try doing it by myself again, I'd probably rip the house in half.

 

It was so wonderful to read how happy he had been. Where had this light-heartedness vanished? Was the killing weighting on him so badly? And why hadn't he brought anyone here? She would have loved this place and Michael would have loved to help him with the changes. The answer lay in the pages ahead and she read on.

 

Burn the wheel and burn it all.  Her too.  Today would have to certainly rank up there as one of the worst days ever.  Its all my fault is the worst part, for not being the brother I should be.  All these years and I still can't fix it, but at least she doesn't know.  An early birthday present, taking me to a whorehouse and telling me I could have any woman in the room.  It might have been just a tad inappropriate if I'd told her right there and then that it would have been her.

 

Nevermind that she's not interested in such a thing, she has me for a brother and that is how it should be.  How it will be.  I'll go back for my birthday and everything will be fine, I'll make it if I have to.

 

A diary entry written the day she had taken him to Cairhien, three days before his actual birthday. She was dying to find out what he had really made of it all. She hadn't expected this! She felt feint and the book dropped off her hands. Great Lord, he had thought of her that way! She wouldn't have been ready for a comment like that then but it would have gotten her thinking it. Two years wasted believing that he thought of her simply as his sister. She was on verge of tears. He should have told her. Had he gotten over it? She had to know and stopping reading was not an option.

 

Uncle Duram proved to be no help, and a lot at the same time.  I think he knows, he could if he wanted to.  Maybe he decided not to pry, he didn't push me.  Whenever making hard decisions, you had to do what you felt was right.  That was what he'd said, and then gave me the lecture about everyone's choice being their own.  Nevermind that it didn't help.

 

Well, it sort of did.

 

Mina...  She's meant to be my sister, why do I want more?  I should be there for her as a brother and nothing more, she's been through so much hurt...  She showed me her scars but I know she suffered more than those, the way she acts, talks of men.  She was so hurt when mother took her in, she wanted us all to be there for her and we have.  Now this stupid feeling won't go away and if I ever let it out then everything would be destroyed.

 

How would she feel being in our family and knowing that I felt about her this way?  She doesn't want me, if the whorehouse didn't make that clear then the joke she suggested we play on mother sure did.  Our family is the one place she feels secure, knows that she need never fear anyone.  I can't wreck that for her, I love her too much.  If I have to bury my own feelings, well, burn me and burn the pattern thrice, I'll do it.

 

This piece had been written during the four horrible months he had been gone and she realised with horror that she had driven him away. How stupid could one be. She hadn't had the slightest clue. Or maybe she had if she had just thought on it a bit. She would have been shocked but the idea and the possibility would have been planted there. Why had she even joked like that to him? Maybe she had unconsciously wanted it already. She was angry at Leon. Burn him, he had no right to make decisions like that for her. His reasons had been noble but she hadn't given her the choice. If only he would have encouraged her a bit.

 

He had loved her. The book fell again from limp hands and she could barely see it to pick it up through her crying. Two years wasted. She was deathly afraid that she had killed any feelings that might have been left with her behaviour. Her stupid joke right before going to see Noel. It must have hurt but... he should have said something. She blamed herself bitterly for her blindness for his feelings and her own. And for her cowardice since even if she would have realised that he was interested of her, she might have balked. She feared to read on but she had to know if there was any hope.

 

Going home was difficult, but I'm glad I went through with it.  Mina was the first person I saw and she was angry with me of course.  So was everyone and I don't blame them.  Mother was glad to have me back, I think she was angry but she was so relieved it didn't matter.  Toulan was good about it, as was father though he didn't really say much.  I can't believe Gabriel manifested!  Mary yelled at me but she was hugging me while she did so.

 

I think I was fine until Mina caught me at the beach.  Plan was just all well and perfect until she threw her arms around me and told me I was the most important person in her life.  It was like the irony of the whorehouse all over again, and the moment she said it just-  Ah!  Everything I buried, all of my effort, all of it felt like nothing.  Every single bit of it is unfair but its not about me, its about her.  She needs me, needs me to be there to protect her, to be the brother she deserves.  If burying those feelings won't work, then I'll just have to grit my teeth and take what comes.  Can't leave her and hurt her again, can't tell her what I feel and hurt her even more.  Burn it all.

 

She was crying again but her sorrow was small when compared to what he had gone through. She had needed him to love her just the way he had. If only she would have known. She read on and knew that worse was coming. He could have spared them from it all by three simple words.

 

I knew it was a bad idea.  Inveig was too old for her, would never understand her.  Not even close.  I think mother is still consoling her, I wish I'd said more but she needs to learn to trust again.  She'll find someone who will make her happy that way, someone I know I will despise for being what I cannot.  Its ju-

 

I don't think I've ever been so angry in my entire life.  That bastard Alatriste, what he did to her, I don't think I've ever seen Mina so badly hurt.  Not a single blow was struck, but he successfully managed to poke, needle and stab every single sore spot in her entire life one way or another.  My own misery is nothing compared to how she was, incapacitated with tears.  And we can't do anything!  He's a member of the order, why I don't know because I don't think I've ever known any member of our order to do something like that to another.  Self centred, egotistica-  If I knew it'd make Mina happy I'd do it anyway.

 

Alatriste is dead.  Everyone seemed so shocked, everyone except one.  Alatriste was found dead in his bed, passing away in his sleep due to some unknown reason.  If they're searching the World of Dreams for the culprit, they'll have no such luck.  Mother didn't do it, though I'm sure she wanted to as much as everyone else.  But it was father who crept back into the house early in the morning.  He was quiet when Mina had been returned home, not unusual but I think he knew that mother was going to do something.  He got there first before her so she didn't break her Order vow, and for Mina.  Doing what the rest of us could not.

 

I think Uncle Duram might know.  If he does, he's said nothing about it.

 

She could read about Inveig and Alatriste stoically bleeding only for Leon's pain but fresh tears flooded when she read what Michael had done for her. How she loved her family that moment.

 

Tomas is a good man, why can't I keep these feelings under control?  He treats Mina well, the others often mention how he takes the greatest of care with her.  I should be thankful for that, but as much as I try I resent him.  I wish I was him, I wish I was the one that Mina could look upon as something more than a brother.  I don't even think she remembers the distinction of being adopted anymore, and she shouldn't because she is as much a daughter to mother and father as Toulan.

 

Had a fight with mother, I tried to beg off having to go to this dinner but she even got Duram to give me another mission so that I can make it.  I wish I could tell her why, but then she'd never look at me the same way again.  Or she'd never look at Mina the same way, and I won't do that.  Can't.  I love her.

 

When had she started seeing him as something else than a brother? Likely after their discussion in Cairhien but she had just realised it so late. If he had said something before, she would have been forced to open her eyes way earlier. If only he could have told Nyssa. Mom would have banged some sense in their heads, she was good at that. He had still loved her. She read the words again and again and finally reluctantly turned page.

 

Tomas was one thing, but Noel?!  What is father thinking?  I understand that Noel is a nice man, I've met him a few times myself and father vouches for him.  But he is too old!  Far too old, but at the same time maybe thats what Mina needs.  Someone old enough not to rush her, someone who will be patient with her.  The only one who was was Tomas and he just left Mina for some inexplicable reason.  He wouldn't even tell me about it.

 

She came to me, in her dress.  She looked beautiful, she looked nervous.  She wasn't sure about Noel, she had doubts and all I could do was assure her that it would be alright.  Then she asked about finding me someone, much like mother has been.  I think she did it to distract herself.  Then she asked me.

 

I've done terrible things.  I've killed people, I've played the great game and twisted people against one another, I've done things that I could never be proud of but I've done them because they needed to, and if I didn't then somebody else would have had to.  None of those things match telling her to leave, telling her I hoped she would be happy.  It was all I could say, she still needs me as her brother because that is all she see's in the end.  All she ever should see, I can't betray her now and I never will, to know that I desired her would break her trust in me forever, ruin the family for her forever, taint all her memories with me an-

 

She wailed in despair and cast the book away. It was too much. How he had hurt and she had refused to see it. Oh Leon, it couldn't be too late yet. Her eyes stung from the weeping and she hugged herself hoping that it was him instead. She had driven him to drink and mom would never forgive her if she found out. And Duram... he had to have known since Leon confided in him. She wanted to fall under the ground from shame. Maybe mom knew too or at least suspected. She could never face them again if she and Lee couldn't work this out. But this had been a year ago and he could have gotten over her since. His behaviour gave her some hope but she also wanted to kick him for it. He was hurting himself and all he would have had to do was speak to her. If only it was so easy.

 

She reached for the book again and read on.

 

I hate him.  There is no other way to put it, and knowing that she is happy with him is a poor balm at best.  Knowing that they are together, that she is with him.  I can't go near them, I can't go anywhere near them for fear that I let something slip.  I almost killed someone yesterday, drinking on my own and the man only wanted the table that I was hogging to myself.  I can't even feel the bruises and cuts, all I feel is this icy burning.  Uncle Duram has another mission for me, after that I'll see if I can't crawl down a bottle and stay there yet.

 

So the drinking had started because of Noel and her. Duram should have told him sooner! They had been apart for six months already, burn him. Lee might have come back earlier if he had known that. Poor him, he would have been so guilty for attacking someone. She had been sick at heart for doing what she had to Leon and Inveig and Leon hadn't had anyone to tell about it.

 

She read the last entry again and she knew that she couldn't leave Leon even if he didn't want her anymore. He needed someone to look after him and she would take him home even if she had to drag him from the collar. It would have been easier to do it tonight when he was unconscious but they needed to have a private chat and mom couldn't see him like this.

 

From her limited experience, men were on better mood when they had good food on their bellies, especially when they had been drinking the previous night. She inspected the kitchen and found that the only things Lee had bought was ham, bread and cheese. Wouldn't make much of a breakfast or dinner so she would have make a provision trip to home quickly before she could go asleep beside him.

 

Mina Daemeau

Finally getting it

[Arette]

The house was filled with early morning sunshine if a bit faintly as the windows were dirty. Mina stood in front of the stove and cooked Leon breakfast from the foodstuffs that she had Skimmed to loot from Mary's kitchen last night. She had left a note that she would be gone for a week and had taken the skillet and some other things but she would get a lecture nonetheless. But nothing could dim her happiness now, a cold bucket of water wouldn't have done the trick. Lee had loved her! And from his doltish behaviour yesterday, he still wasn't entirely over her. He could be won back and the breakfast was part of it.

 

The delicious aromas of sizzling bacon and eggs wafted in the air and Mina sang gaily off the note. "Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Remember me to one who lives there. He was once a true looOoove of mine." The song didn't pertain to the current situation but it was the first one that had come to her mind. She was bursting and she had to channel the feelings somehow and even though she didn't have much voice, she enjoyed singing. Lee was her true love now and forever and things would brighten up. They would have to. He was depressed and thought he had failed her for some hare brained reason but she knew now. They would work it out between them.

 

She went to check on Leon. The man in the bed groaned and rolled on his stomach covering his head with the pillow. She doubted that he had awakened yet but she couldn't wait anymore. Walking to the bed, the smell made her wrinkle her nose with disgust; he reeked of rank of old wine and badly. How had she been able to sleep beside him last night was beyond her but then she hadn't really noticed anything but him being so close to her. Still, this was Lee and she loved him even though he looked like a sorry drunk.

 

She removed the pillow mercilessly and turned him to lay on his back. She shook him calling his name intently until he opened his beautiful brown eyes rimmed with red and closed them again with a whimper. He recognized her and the eyes opened again and blinked in shock. She leaned over him and smiled tremulously. "I really am here. Oh Lee..." Grabbing his cheeks, she bent to give him a passionate kiss that changed into a cough and she pulled back hastily. Pit of Doom but his morning breath was lethal. This was definately not how she had seen this to happen. She sat on the edge of the bed and regarded him seriously making sure that she took air through her mouth. "You stink", she scolded. "But it doesn't matter. I love you, Leon."

 

There were few pleasures in life for Leon these days.  One of the most bizarre of these pleasures, of all things, was the feeling of a full blooded hangover.  Not in itself, the throbbing headache and the groggy feeling of tiredness where he wanted to go back to sleep but couldn’t.  It was one of his few pleasures because it was one of the few things that could make him forget everything else for awhile.  It was hard to be aware of things beyond one’s immediate vicinity when your brain felt like it was oozing through your nose and you couldn’t feel your feet because all your blood was in your head and pounding away, most likely responsible for the brain ooze.

 

Of course, that did tend to interfere in things like understanding where his pillow had gone.  One moment it was there to comfort him and next it had magicked itself away and he was on his back.  Why he couldn’t quite perceive because he didn’t want to, busy as he was blocking everything out.  Something persisted though, he kept hearing his name which was definitely puzzling.

 

Opening his eyes, Leon felt like something had died inside of him as he saw Mina.  What was left of his pleasant shield of alcohol departed as full sobriety hit him, the confusion of which was punctuated when she declared she was really there and proceeded to kiss him.  Then coughed, and told him he stank, then proceeded to tell him that she loved him.

 

It was a touch surreal.

 

Sitting up in his bed slowly as he looked at Mina, there was a good deal of confusion on his face.  She couldn’t be here, no one knew where his retreat was except Duram and he wouldn’t have told anyone.  He hadn’t even told mother and Leon knew that would have cost Duram a lot to do that.  Mina was definitely not here, but usually when he saw hallucinations they didn’t touch him and they certainly didn’t sober him up.  A dream?

 

Blinking at her, Leon looked down at his left arm and pinched it with his right hand.  That hurt.  He didn’t trust it, there was no way that she was there.  If it wasn’t a dream, then he was hallucinating and he had a very easy cure for that.  One which required him to slough off the bed while shielding his eyes with a hand.

 

Stumbling into the bathroom, it was a skill honed from months of practice that allowed Leon to find saidin and force it to the task.  Filling his tub with icy water, indeed there were quite a few ice cubes to be found in it, Leon released the power and grabbed the edges of the tub.  He only did this when he needed to sober quickly because he had a task and if he was seeing things then he needed to make sure he was definitely sober.

 

Taking a deep breath, he plunged his head directly under the water and proceeded to yell underwater as the cold penetrated his skull within moments.  Swishing his head back and forth in a vain attempt to try and make it less painful, he held it for at least ten seconds before whipping his head back out.  Wiping the water from his face, Leon turned around.

 

Mina was there.

 

“You’re really here?”  It wasn’t really much of a question.  The question of how wasn’t even on his mind now, nothing was.  She was here, she’d seen his home, she was in it.  This wasn’t who he was outside.  She’d kissed him and told him she loved him.  He didn’t even love him, not anymore.  Nothing made sense, and as he leaned against the back of the tub, he couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

 

Leon's behaviour was downright peculiar but then it could be explained by the hangover or just the shock of seeing her. He was at least proper when he got up since she had left him his pants and she didn't follow him to the bathroom since he seemed to be in a hurry. The muffled cry made her stir but she could rush to his rescue if he didn't come out on his own. The water seemed to have done its task since he looked considerably more sane and aware when he looked at her. He didn't look quite like the Leon she remembered with his wild beard and the still dirty wet hair and knowing that he had loved her made her feel shy. But she couldn't afford that if she wanted to make any kind of progress.

 

"Yes, I am really here, Lee. What would you like first, Healing or real breakfast that includes bacon, eggs and sausage or finish your much needed bath?" A blush crept on her cheeks. "If you washed your teeth, I would kiss you again. Unless you have changed your mind about me."

 

Shaking his head at her, Leon was struggling to make sense of any of this.  She wasn’t meant to be here, no one was ever meant to be here but she was.  Making sense of how was all of a sudden a very important thing.  Nothing was making sense.  “What are you doing here?  You shouldn’t even know where this is!  Why are you kissing me and what is going on?”

 

"I am here because I followed you from Jehannah, Lee. I hadn't seen you in ten months, two weeks and three days and I was dying of longing. I am kissing you because you are not my bloody brother and I should have realised that I have wanted to do that since Cairhien. I love you, Lee." He was just confused, he had to be. But she couldn't help to feel alarmed by the fact that he hadn't responded to her in any way. But then he had a hangover. And her cookings were burning in the kitchen, she realised with misery. "The food", she cried and ran to see if any of it could be saved. Good thing that she had brought plenty of foodstuffs.

 

Watching Mina run out of the room, Leon was left standing there still trying to grapple with what had just been said.  She loved him?  Not like a brother?  Kissing him?  Since Cairhien?  All that time?  He wasn’t sure whether he was upset or he was happy, in fact he was both at once as he bound his way out of the room and towards the kitchen where Mina was trying to salvage what was left of some bacon.  Where did the bacon come from?  Putting a hand on her shoulder, the most familiar gesture he'd given her in months, he turned her towards him.  “Wait, you love me?”

 

The bacon was just slightly crisp and Leon wasn't luckily that picky. She was just setting food on the plates when Leon's hand on her shoulder startled her. She let go of the skillet and allowed herself to be turned. He asked for a confirmation of her love and she wondered how many times would she have to repeat it before he would believe it. Was he even glad? She didn't really mind saying it and considering that she had never before encouraged him in any way, it was her turn to do just that. She had the advantage of knowing about his diary after all. She doubted that he would appreciate learning about the breach of confidence so therefore it would have to come later, much later.

 

"I love you, Leon Daemeau", she said softly. "Do you love me more than as a sister?"

 

Maybe he was hallucinating, Leon couldn’t be entirely sure even now.  Everything had gone from rock bottom to everything he’d ever dreamed in secret for no apparent reason.  She’d never said anything like this before, never hinted, and he was waking up to her telling him she loved him and she was cooking him breakfast.  Whats goin-  What the hell!  Wrapping his arms around her waist, Leon decided as the tears flowed that if it was a hallucination he would just run with it and if not then he wasn’t going to let her go. “I always have.”

 

Leon's tears threatened to bring Mina to the verge too and she sighed happily when he wrapped his arms around her. It was so romantic and they had two years of touches to catch up with. Only when he got closer, his odor strenghtened and she wheezed feeling dizzy and stepped back. "Leon, I love you but you do stink. And you need to shave. I will keep the breakfast warm for you." She did feel very bad about it so she plugged her nose shut and kissed him again and how he responded. It was definately not the smell or lack of breath that made her swoon.

 

Setting her down gently as he backed away from Mina, there was something to be found that Leon had thought he’d forgotten and would never do again.  A smile, simple and genuine.  “I’ll hurry.”  Racing into the bathroom, he checked that everything was there that he needed even as he shucked off his breeches and his underclothes.  Putting his hands on the rim, he leaped over the side and landed feet first only to let out a shriek.

 

Ice cubes.

 

Mina & Leon Daemeau

Madly in love

[Arette]

Was it possible to die of happiness? Mina's heart could have burst during their breakfast.  With only one chair, she'd sat in his lap and with only one plate they'd had to eat from the same one, occasionally taking turns to feed one another.  Leon still seemed a little hesitant about it all, his free arm staying firmly wrapped about Mina's waist as if she might fly off as randomly as she had just reappeared in his life.  With breakfast finished, there was simply silence as they sat with one another, one of those soulful silences that could only be broken by a man.

 

"My hair is too long", he finally growled and she had just stared at him as it was so random.

 

"It actually kind of suits you, Lee", she said tilting her head judgementally as she reached to touch his dark hair.

 

"It's too long." He took a hold of her other hand too and kissed her knuckles.

 

The kiss brought a bright happy smile. "Well cut it then."

 

"No, you should cut it." Which was entirely true since they didn't want him to end up looking like a scarecrow.

 

"Mmm.... Where are your scissors?"

 

"I don't like that grin. What are you planning?"

 

Innocent look. "Why would I be planning something?"

 

"Mini", came with a warning tone. "Don't call me that", she snarled.

 

After a reconciliatory snuggle, he was sitting on the floor between her legs as she ran her hands through his hair, looking for the best place to start. She fished one of the pretty ribbons their mother used for her hair from her pocket and began to braid it in. Which had lead into a wrestling match. In the end he had found a mirror and cheated with the One Power. The end result had made her shake her head in exasperation and after she had tidied it... well, it was much shorter than it had been supposed to be. But it looked intentional which hopefully would suit their mother.

 

"Have you noticed that the ventilation here isn't the best? It wasn't very practical to make the windows so that they couldn't be opened. And we need to clean."

 

"When did you start nagging like that? You sound just like Mary", Leon remarked with ballsy grin which was responded with a thwap .

 

In the end he had avoided the horrible threat of cleaning by suggesting a nice walk outside that also solved the problem of fresh air.

 

"Lovely idea, Lee. I want to see the Paerish Swar Lake."

 

Narrowed eyes. "Wait, how do you...?"

 

Burn it, her and her big mouth. But it could be put to other uses, very pleasent uses. Very distracting uses. "Move that pretty bottom, Lee", she said huskily much later when she could finally breathe and think again. It was just as beautiful outside in the daylight as she had imagined. He did have a good taste. Except with windows. But what could you expect from an eighteen year old boy building a house on his own. It was quite a feat actually.

 

Mina & Leon Daemeau

Not feeling least bit siblingly

[Arette]

Leading Mina by the hand, there was a new appreciation for what lay beyond the walls of his sanctuary.  For months, for over two years, it had become increasingly tainted by the fact that he came here not to enjoy it for what it was, but to escape from the woman whose hand he held now.  Something he’d needed to do until she’d said three very important words that he’d been wanting to know, even if he hadn’t realised at first, ever since they first met.

 

But, even as they walked, Leon still had so many questions he wanted to ask.  He’d been happy to simply enjoy the moment in his home but he needed to understand what was going on.  So much didn’t add up, the pendulum had swung from one extreme to the other and it was so lacking in sense that he still didn’t completely trust what was happening was indeed happening.  Two years, not one word of love beyond that one would give a sibling, albeit an adopted one, then all of a sudden this?

 

“Mina?”  Stopping, Leon looked to her as she turned to him.  He was wary, as if his questions could unravel everything that was being enjoyed in the moment.  But the moment wouldn’t last unless there were reasons for why it had happened to begin with.  “How did you find me?  What made you decide all of a sudden that you, well, loved me?  You never said anything before.”

 

The landscape was beautiful but what made the day and the vistas perfect was the man whose hand she held now. She knew that they would need to eventually discuss about what had lead to this and she was afraid that it would all come undone then. It was difficult to suddenly fill a widening chasm that had been growing between for the past two years and if the reasons for that weren't examined, they would be standing on uneven ground that could collapse any day. She just wanted to enjoy it a bit longer, until Leon would have to have his answers. It was much sooner than she had thought but then he didn't seem to be able to believe it, didn't dare to and the conversation would help it. It had to.

 

"I already told you yesterday how I found you. I followed you from Jehannah where you do your shopping." She would not reveal Duram's part in that unless she absolutely had to. He hadn't broken confidence but Leon might not appreciate him being involved at all. "You really were quite careless or you would have noticed me." She wouldn't voice her disapproval for his drinking because it had been a desperate measure and hopefully it would end.

 

"And it wasn't at all sudden realisation, Lee. I have just denied and suppressed it all this time because you never gave any kind of signals that you cared for me in that way. Then you left for four months and things started going really wrong. I wanted things to be so badly like they had been and everytime we talked, it was like rubbing salt to the wounds and I ended up hurting you which only made it worse."

 

"I am so sorry for that. I was so lonely without you and when things were really bad... I imagined you to be there which just made the disrepancy between reality worse." She sighed. "I wanted you only with more all along. That's why nothing worked. But I didn't realise it until maybe... seven months ago... umm... well, I just couldn't lie to myself anymore and then everything made sense suddenly. And then it was too late because you wouldn't see me anymore. That's why I came here. I didn't even mean to let you know that I was here but..." She blushed. "You needed someone to keep an eye on you. I put you to bed and I had to find some kind of an explanation for what you were doing to yourself. I found it." She whispered. "On your desk."

 

"That is what I would have needed much earlier, Leon. Some kind of encouragement. Did you really expect me to make the initiative when you were so... so awfully brotherly? I would have just made a fool of myself and made things awkward for everyone."

 

“You read my journal?”  Shame was what filled Leon more than anything else, all of his thoughts he had scribbled away in the thing simply because it was the only way to let them out.  He couldn’t talk about them to anyone, not without doing harm and now she had read them all?  Every single thought and desire laid out in ink, undeniable, unrefutable, the only piece of evidence he’d left to his thoughts.

 

But she had read them, and she accepted him.  That made his shame worse, because knowing that she accepted him meant that everything he had done, all of it, it was all unnecessary.  Not just his suffering, but hers for everything she had been through and knowing that he could have done something about it.  Instead of doing what he had done, making it impossible for her to approach him.

 

It must have showed on his face because Mina asked him if he was alright.  Shaking his head, Leon’s hand slipped from hers as he spoke.  “I only did it because…  Remember when you lost control?  It was because you were afraid.  I never wanted to make you feel like that again, and when I got older I understood it had been more than burns and scars.  I hoped that one day you might ask, and then when you didn’t I was sure that there was nothing there.”

 

“And if that was wrong…  Then I messed it all up.  I could have done something and I didn’t.”

 

Leon & Mina Daemeau

Discussing

[Arette]

His reaction was expected. If Mina had kept a journal over the years and Leon had read it and seen her most intimate thoughts, she would have been aflame with shame too. But he was blaming himself now and it was her fault. She shouldn't have laid it on his shouders, accused him. But she knew him and he would have done it anyway. Any fault was hers too. When he removed his hand from hers, she was certain that she had lost him. And if she didn't do anything about it now, she would be the same kind of a coward than before and only make things worse instead of facing them bravely. It was better to suffer for something that you had done than because of something you had left undone.

 

"I was afraid. That's why I didn't see it, refused to see. I thought that I was looking for love so badly but what I really did was running away from it. If I had dared to examine what I really wanted and what made me happy, I would have realised that it was you all along. I just didn't dare to make the final leap and risk things going for worse if I was wrong. I messed it too. I could have done something, said something and I didn't. And I could have come to you much sooner."

 

"But none of that really matters anymore if we don't let it to. What is important is what we will do from now on. I do love you, Leon, and you said that you love me. How do we go on from here?" She reached out with her hand toward him and held out her palm offering it for him to take.

 

Leon didn’t want it to be her fault, at best he could compromise and say it was both their faults.  She was still offering her hand to him, and that was what mattered to Leon more than anything else.  He’d spent two years focusing on everything that was wrong and not taking any chances, any leaps of faith, and here Mina was taking a big leap now and hoping that everything would go well.

 

Everything could go well if they simply trusted each other, instead of being so afraid of hurting each other.  It was that fear that had hurt them to begin with, and noble intentions had done far more damage than anything else could have.  If that was something he had learned from this, it was that they had to trust each other to understand, trust what was best in them rather than what was worst.

 

Taking her hand, Leon looked up and smiled at her.  He still felt ashamed, everything he had done had made things worse.  But she was right, they had this chance now to move forward and they would take it.  They’d already wasted enough chances, they weren’t going to waste this one.  “I love you.”  Then the smile split into a grin as he pointed towards the end of the small vale.  “And we’re going in that direction.”

 

Leon waited for a moment that seemed like an eternity before accepting her hand and Mina gave it an iron squeeze even as she responded his smile brightly. She would never tire of hearing those three words and she would make sure they remembered to speak them often enough. The road of suffering was paved with good intentions but so was the road of bliss. They would be picking the right crossroad from now on. She would have maybe wanted him to say something more concrete, to plan a bit further but right then she was happy to just sieze the moment and enjoy it. Duram had given her extra days and Leon needed to recover a bit before he would be presentable to mom. And she wanted him all for herself before the rest of the family would learn. She had the horrible doubt that everyone had guessed something over the years and if they had, the teasing would be... but she would have Leon and the making light of was just one of the ways how the family showed their love.

 

"And what is in that direction? No, I want to be surprised. Tell you what, we'll race there and the winner gets a kiss." She turned to grin at him over her shoulder as she took a headstart.

 

Laughing, Leon quickly sprinted after her, just always staying one step behind.  It was a good few minutes, but they reached the steady stream that came from a spring higher up in the mountains and followed it towards a roar that was becoming steadily louder.  Followed it until it ended suddenly.

 

Stopping at the edge, Leon grinned as he saw Mina gape at the sight.  The lake stretched a goodly number of miles to melt into the forest that one could only see due to their position high in the mountains.  To their side, the waterfall that fed the lake crashed below in a fine spray of mist, the sound filling their ears.  Turning to her, he had to speak up so she could hear.  “What do you think?”

 

Mina kept a good pace, not running herself to exhaustment but definately not just lazily jogging either. She had a sneaking suspicion that Leon could have passed her if he had wanted since despite having enjoyed his liquids during the past months, he was still extremely fit. Not that she didn't train but men had the unfair advantage of larger muscle mass. And if he wanted to be the one taking the lead in the kiss, she definately wouldn't mind.

 

The growing roar gave her an idea of what was ahead but she wasn't prepared for the breath taking sight. This was the most beautiful place she had ever seen. "The views are magnificent, Lee", she announced loudly and her appreciative look revealed that she wasn't talking simply of their surroundings. "How did you find this place at all with it being so remote? And I believe that I won. You owe me something."

 

“I needed time after a mission to pull myself together, decided to explore the mountains.  I got curious about this lake and after awhile I found this.” Discarding that memory quickly, Leon smiled as he added.  “And you’re right.”  Taking her right cheek in his hand gently, his other arm snaked around her waist and pulled her close and kissed her with the passion of a newly found love.  Every other woman he had ever known paled in comparison to this.  She’d ruined any other woman for him long before he’d met others and despite the suffering they’d been through, it was worth it for this one moment alone as love, desire, well being and happiness amongst other emotions filled him.

 

The kiss was sweet but became so much more in mere seconds. Passion, intensity and love... a flood of it. It was the best kiss of her life and she knew that it was just the beginning. She had never been happier and wanted the moment to last forever even though there would be others. This would still be special and a treasure she could rely on to carry her through anything. They stood there entwined in an embrace until the pounding of blood subsided and the waterfall became louder. There was only thing to say after that. "Ah Lee, how I love you." She left his hand around her waist and wrapped her other hand around his lower back as she lead him a bit further away so they could speak in normal voice again. She didn't really want to bring the rest of the world into their day but the rest of the family was in her mind still. Especially mother eternally worried about Leon and now likely about her going away too.

 

"What direction now? Do you see us here together?"

 

Allowing Mina to lead him away from the edge of the waterfall, they followed the cliff for awhile before turning inward.  After a few minutes, they came to a stop as Mina asked him the question that needed to be contemplated.  Their future.  That was a very important point, because no matter what it was going to be theirs together, that much Leon knew.  He’d not gone through all of that misery for someone that could easily be tossed aside, and now that they had finally revealed their true feelings and he knew her love for him to be what he had always hoped, he could not let it go now, more than ever.

 

“Yes.” Sitting down, Mina sat next to him as he gestured to it all.  “It’s a safe place, a beautiful place, somewhere we could settle down and be.  We’ve lost time, but here we could make up for it.  We could bury that old home, and with it a lot of painful memories.  Together we could raise a new house in its place and there make new memories, happy ones.  If you would stay here with me, or is there somewhere else you would rather be?”

 

She didn't want to end the physical closeness between them and sat gladly snuggled to his side listening to his view on their future. "I agree with all you say about this place. It is safe and wonderful and there is no fear of unwanted visitors. If you wish to see the house to... well, it is your house and it is a tad unpractical. I am sorry for the painful memories, Lee." They could have been avoided so easily. She would happily dedicate the rest of life to making it up to him. "But we will drown them with good ones. Today has been a great start."

 

"And a new house... Aww, our very own home." Her whole face became dreamy as she visioned the place in her mind's eye. "Maybe something that really resembles a house this time. Mom will be disappointed, though. She has really been hoping that you will move back home one day. But we will visit. And most children do move out sooner or later."

 

"Do you think that you might want to go to missions with me again if Duram has tasks where we would be more useful together? How many days have you gotten off this time?"

 

Mother.  Leon had missed her sorely as the weeks had turned into months but he couldn’t let her see what he had become as much as he’d stayed away from Mina.  The same with all of his family, but now he would be able to go back.  Whether they would accept he and Mina together he wasn’t sure, but he hoped they would.  And that they would forgive him, again.  Small things to ask for.

 

Those thoughts which made him frown disappeared as she mentioned Uncle Duram.  Missions had been fewer and fewer over the weeks, Leon was quite sure of why for that matter.  Uncle Duram must have known, him and his cleverness and managing to read people.  Why he probably knew a-  Looking at Mina with a frown, the question that came to mind was a simple one, mainly because he was already certain of the answer.  “He gave you a way here, didn’t he?”

 

She shouldn't have mentioned anything about mother. Leon would have a heavy conscience about her even without that and he hadn't needed the reminder. She smoothed his forehead to wipe away the frown and the unpleasent thoughts when he suddenly asked about Duram. She eyed him with apprehension. He could not think that Duram had broken the confidence. "He did no such thing. I asked him though. No, I begged him but he refused to tell me because that was confidental. He might given me a small hint about the city where you buy your food from but after that it was all my doing. You will not doubt him like that." She fixed him with a firm stare.

 

Laughing, Leon shook his head.  “He did give you a way here.  Gave you the clue that brought you here and us together, I think I’ll somehow be able to not hold a grudge.  You know that means he anticipated this would happen.”  Lying back on the grass, Leon stretched as he grinned up at her.  “If he knew, then I think we’re not going to hear from him for awhile.  If he does, well, it had better be for a good reason or I’m staying right here or you’re coming with me.”

 

Leon's laughter relaxed Mina and she smiled with him until he mentioned believing that Duram had predicted this. With an inner sigh she had to admit that he likely had. The Netweaver was an astute judge of human nature and with what Leon had told him over the years, he had likely been able to put it all together. He must have wanted to smash their heads together at points. It was very embarrassing. She lowered herself on the grass to curl to his side and the closeness enabled her to smile at him.

 

"A honeymoon of a kind then. I like the sound of it. And you know that it would be important if he sent a word." She was drawing patterns on his chest, hearts and her initials mainly if he paid attention, as she thought how to word her question. "Lee... how fast do you want to move with this? I am comfortable with anything with you and we have waited for long enough so it is just about preference. And did you have dreams about how this could have happened? Has it been at all like that?"

 

“Dreams?” Leon frowned as he reached for Mina’s hand that was tracing his chest and took it in his own.  “I used to often, and over the years it became harder and harder to hold onto them.  I don’t think even in my wildest dreams, the feeling compared to this.”  Pulling up her hand to his lips, he kissed her fingers one at a time as he mulled over her other question.  “And move with this?  I have no idea, I’ve just been winging it since this morning, haven’t actually got around to making a plan as such but I’m sure if you could give me five minutes with my executive council and associated auxiliary staff I’m sure that we cou-“

 

Poor Leon. Her heart ached for him for the lost and painful dreams. She would make it up to him and now she actually had some ideas about how. She closed her eyes and savoured the feel of his lips on her fingers but her eyelids snapped open when he began to ramble. This was not the moment. Rolling up to her haunches, she straddled his belly. "Shut up, Leon", she laughed before she silenced him with a kiss.

 

Mina & Leon Daemeau

Finally together