So, ADR has left the building. Gone. Fled back to that mythical land called real life wherein the rest of us only deign to visit on our way to much grander adventures here in SG. Actually no, that's not true. I pushed him down a flight of stairs because I wanted to write May's blog. He's in a body cast somewhere coming up with catchier one-liners than I could ever dream of, but with all his limbs entombed in that chalky white plaster his one-liners will never again grace the interweb!!!Â Well... no. I can't say that's true either, although that sure would have been diabolical wouldn't it?Â The truth is, he's gone and he'll be missed, just like all the great ones are. I didn't know ADR well, butÂ he left an undeniable impact on every member of SG.
Yes, ADR is gone, after reviving the Shayol Ghul Blog with sublime style. Left some other poor fool to try vainly to follow in his footsteps this month. I wonder what sucker will agree to try to do that! Moron! Haha! Pity the fool! Witless ninny!
All right all right, yes, it's me. I'm the witless ninny for May (I'll appear in a pin-up calendar later this year). And although none of us will probably ever match ADR's easy eloquence, we can continue with the course he has charted for us. And that is to rat out each and every one of you publicly â€“ dredge up every deep dark secret â€“ betray you â€“ debase you â€“ defame you and frame you â€“ and of course *stab* you in the back â€“ and then come tell everyone all about it here on this blog.Â Because that is what we do. That is what SG is all about. We are the slickest, smarmiest, and quintessentially the coolest 'Social Group' on the block. If you don't already know about us - read on and you'll find out just what I mean. And if you're lucky (or you lick cosmicpandy's furry toes) we'll even let you join us.
And so....I bring you the happenings of SG in the month of May!
They say April showers bring may flowers. Well, we must have had some bloody acid rain this past April, because the Mayflower we got is thorny, deadly, and deceptive. A little smelly too.Â Our May seduction campaign was to seduce the legendary Dread Pirate Roberts, aka DPR, aka Wes, into joining our ranks! He fell for it (was there any doubt??) â€“ and has joined Naeann's faction - the Black Ajah. I'm sorry but anyone who has that many names/acronyms/aliases is just way too high maintenance. That's probably why he joined the Black Ajah, so they can all sit around feeling misunderstood and unappreciated. Either that or he likes to win the faction competition each month? In either case, DPR chose the BA despite Lily's best effort's to entice him into the Shadow Spawn. I hear she used all her 'toys' too, and this just could be my imagination but I swear DPR has been walking a little funny ever since... Oh, Ed tried to seduce him as well, but ever since the Dreadies had him fixed he's just not the solid performer he used to be. Anyhow, for those of you who haven't heard, DPR is mafia Royalty,. (with a capital italicized R!). Meaning he'll spin you on your head, convince you that you're hallucinating, and then get you to lynch your dear old grannie just before he tears you apart limb by limb. Charming fellow, he's fit right in with the BA so far! Welcome aboard, Wes! We had a number of other people join us in May, but mostly we were just excited about Wes. Oh, all right we were excited about Wolfie, Limi, Pankhuri, and Al Jenn too (just not as excited as we were for Wes...)
Also this May, we were invaded by an army of giant, hairy, angry Aiel maidens. Have you ever wondered what happens to angry women living in barren plains without access to something so mundane as a razor? They get really hairy!! They came to SG hoping to plunder and pillage, and rumor has it that a few of them were gearing up to lay some bridal wreaths at the feet of some prospective suitors (Hai Red my Schookums!). In the end Moggy, Amadine, Adella and Limi captured a few of these hirsute maidens and tried to teach the savages the ways of feminine hygiene... I last saw them sitting around beading each others' armpit hair over in the Blight in some sisterly bonding, and so the Aiel Invasion ended with a celebration of crazy women making honking-noises with their beaded underarms.
Amadine was heard saying, "*gasp* Adella those green beads look so pretty hanging from your armpit! They really accent the clumps of deodorant! I'm so glad we made peace with those barbarian Aiel, killed them and took all their beads!"
Speaking of bonding, we've had more bondage this month than Madame Nynaeve's House of Domination! Given the antics we've seen as these zany couples consecrated their undying devotion to one another, I anticipate a ripe environment for ambitious relationship counselors. Ultimately everyone was successful in securing their bonds, so congratulations to the happy couples Verbal and Naeann, Lily and Pete, and Moggy and Jelly. May you all live happier ever after. (get it? â€œMayâ€ you all live happier ever after?? Tough crowd...). Wait â€“ what? Are you sure? Those weren't the actual pairings? Seriously?? They seem like matches made in heaven! Oooh well it seems Nyn and Jelly, Verbal and Nae, and Lily and Pete are the happy couples!! Next week see sign ups for the support group: Bonds With Dysfunctional Boundaries!
The final noteworthy event in May was of course Census 2010. The hard-working folks in charge of SG actually wanted some feedback on how we all are enjoying things. I'm sure they got a ton of meaningful data, and I just can't wait to see how they implement our recommendations. To give you a sense of how hard our Executive Team worked on putting together this census, I set up a little spy-cam in one of their brainstorming sessions. Behold, the meeting of the minds:
Really, it's a marvel anything gets done.
Well, one can only hope that June holds as many excitements for us! Cheers to another month of murder and mayhem!