The Chosen recently received a classic example of the "419" Scam (aka the Nigerian Advance Fee Fraud) in their email inbox. We decided we would reward this shining example of fraudulence with our own replies. After reading the original email and our replies, please comment here to vote on which reply directed to the email's author should be sent back to him/her/it. ~Balthamel

ATTN/PLS,

I am afraid This is my second massage to your organisation but no respond. As I told you on my last mail, I can not release this money without the confirmation of your full information's & passport for security purpose. It's just because I don't want to made a second mistake like i did last 2 years ago 2006 by donating a fund into a wrong organisation. So I have to be sure that this sum of $2.6 million US dollars will enter into a good organisation in order to use it to help orphans and poor churches in your community.

This offer was my promised to God after recovering my late husband wealth back from the Insurance company London , UK . Forward your full information's & phone number immediately so that I will send this fund through courier shipping to your address. Please dont reply to this box if you are not the organisation representatives.

Hebrews 11:1vs5 'Evidences of Faith.

Best Regard,

From Evangelist Madam loveth Elvis Roland.

181 White cross Street, Flat 2. London EC1Y 8QP.

United Kindom.

Dear whatever you are,

If this is the second massage you've given, then where's my first? After 3000 years being locked at the surface of this prison, I could use a massage. As for this fool idea of money, what use do you think we have for money? Strike that, Demi probably will want it. He's fool enough for it. Me, I don't do money. People give me what I want, or I give them what they deserve. This exchange has worked perfectly so far and I see no reason to change it. Now don't worry about those orphans and churches, they will be put to good use.

Little advise: stay off the pills.

Cheers,

Osi

Madam,

I refuse to communicate with someone who has been reduced to useless blathering because of too much Compulsion.

~Moghedian

Thinks you are irrelevant since today

Dear Madam,

Due to the nature of our evil organization and our plans for world domination and destruction, we will have to ask you to provide said funds in cash only, to be left in the bushes on the corner of 5th Street and Main, promptly at midnight this Saturday.

Failure on your part to deliver these funds will result in excruciating torture and humiliation.

Sincerely, your future ruler,

Be'lal

Dear I am afraid

You should have stopped there. You were doing quite well up to that point. Now I'm going to have to comply with Belly's implicit soliciting of my services. Even though I had something better planned for Saturday night.

Semi

Having words with Belly later

Hellow Frend,

I apreciate you mail to me regarding the money for churches. unfortanatitly, I will have to decline as I hat orphans and would rather let them burn a slow deth over a spit for the trollocs. I do hav another oportunities for you though if you are luckys and can take advantage of it. On 12 Chesaline you can earn 15.2 millon if you follows our insturctions to letter. Please to contact us futher about location, we will give directions to Shayol Ghul where the 15.2 mil will be waiting after your devoton to the Great Lord. If you know many orphans, hep them from misery by bringing them with you, we have large cookfiers waiting.

Shienar Prophecy 4th age:

"The hunt is now begun. The Shadow's hounds now course, and kill.

One did live, and one did die, but both are.

The Time of Change has come."

Bubonically Yours,

Aran'gar Balthamel

Dear compulsed nitwit,

I must say that your message was rather unexpected. Graendal usually hides her idiots better than this.

~Messy

Dear Graendal,

I think the Dragon is trying to get your attention by letting loose some of your lackeys. It's either that or you're slipping. Either way, this one has learned how to manipulate a computer and is threatening your security. Don't worry, I'm sure Moridin already knows. Best of luck hiding from them all.

Yours,

~Messy

Dear Graendal,

HAH! *stands beside Messy and nods*

~Moghedien

Dear Moghedien,

With that last response of yours, one would think that you are as compulsed as the person who sent the letter.

- Ishamael

Dear Evangelist Madam loveth Elvis Roland,

I regret that your previous message did not get through, though judging by your lack of spelling and grammar, it probably was for the best.

If you think that I shall divulge the information you request, you are woefully mistaken.

Besides, why waste money on orphans and the like when there are so much more out there to benefit from your generosity. I know of a simply divine Seamstress that could benefit from a windfall such as the one you're offering.

~ Graendal

Dear Messy

This seems a misguided attempt to find out where I am based, I'd thought you would have had more intelligence than to try something as pitiful as this.

Dear Money Giver,

Hi, one of my aliases is that of a Prince in Nigeria. I am having trouble getting my money back into the states. If you send me just a portion of that large sum (as well as your Social Security number) to cover transfer fees and taxes, I can send you much more money.

Thanks,

~Prince Sammael

Dear Money-Grubbing Spammer,

What in the Pit of Doom would make you think that we give a load of Trolloc dung about orphans and churches? Maybe you didn't read our manifesto, which includes the enslavement of mankind in preparation for the end of the world.

... actually, now that I think about it, I can see where you might confuse us with these churches of which you speak, but their professed goal also includes helping the poor and all that nonsense, while ours involves increasing the suffering of the lackwit mortals around us.

However, in the spirit of charity, I feel compelled to offer you this small gift.

*balefires the Evangelist*

-Asmodean

Dear Graendal,

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where you're hiding. If I wanted to know, I'd send Asmo to figure it out. You can't turn him into any more of a blathering idiot than he already is, after all.

~Messy

PS- Since when do you need a seamstress? Wouldn't the seams cover up too much skin for you?

Dear Messy,

Really dear, green so isn't your colour. Just because you can't carry a decent look with your physique is no reason to turn jealously on those who can.

I'm sure we can do something to help you look a little better than a Prancing she-goat.

~ Graendal

Ack, Graendal, everyone knows where you are hiding these days. Seriously, did you not think those ads inviting 'kings and beautiful people to a night of decadence' would not be painting a huge flashing arrow towards your lair?

Demandred, you're just bitter cause you weren't invited. Maybe next time, if I'm short on cleaning crew :P Because I'm a true believer in cleanliness *nods*

~Graendal

She-goat, really? Is that the best you have, oh gauzy one? At least people fear me for my mind and not the cute dimples in my backside.

~Messy