Dear Asmodean,

Now that Valentine's Day is coming up and all, I couldn't help wondering how you spent it? I'm especially curious about how Lanfear felt about having to spend Valentine's without her pookie. Considering all kinds of fun he could have had with all of his other girlfriends...

And Sammael, I've heard that you are a real ladies man (I'll pretend I didn't hear about that "Old Tongue" episode). Any tips for the rest of us not as lucky with the fairer sex?

-Mareina

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'Dear' Mareina,

Just what makes you think that the word 'dear' can be safely applied to us?  Prudence, Lightfool.  Anyway, now that Valentine's has passed, and we've disposed of the bodies, I'll deign to respond to your petty query.  I personally spent Valentine's Day in front of a piano, playing many of the classics of this Age and my own.  That evening, I went to a martini lounge, listened to a live band play some light jazz, and returned to my lair.  I do not see the point of spending Valentine's Day getting 'hot and sweaty' with a mortal whose lifespan is insignificant in comparison to mine.  Instead of wasting the emotion on them, why not put it into something that will last: my music?

As for Lanfear, she spent Valentine's Day in bed with the blankets pulled up over her head, sobbing rather loudly over her pictures of Lews Therin, or 'Lewsie-Poo', as she calls him.

And for the Sammael comment... *balefires Mareina*  That's for bringing that bloody awful image to mind!

-Asmodean

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Mareina,

What an excellent question, especially the part when you pointed out how the women swoon when they are near me.   Let's see if we can get you a date.

1.  You gotta be confident.  I mean ooze confidence.  Ladies love a man with a big ego.

2.  Good pick up lines.  It is all about the first impression.  If you are opening well, you will 'close' if you get my drift.  Personally I reference my scar which is always a great ice breaker.

3.  Being famous.  I can't help you there, because you are a lowly mortal that has zero chance of being as awesome as me.  You best bet is to know someone famous.  So telling the ladies you wrote into the Ask the Chosen column and that I responded to you will not hurt.  I mean, they may start going on and on about me, but if they are thinking about how good looking I am that may distract from the way you look.

4. Lastly, talk about yourself in the third person.  Tel Janin has never met a woman that did not respond to that.

--Sammael

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I spent Valentine's Day turning people red and sending them to my fellow (lesser) Chosen. Wrapping them up in ice took care of the white part (and incidentally prevented the blood from messing all over the place). If you want, you can be one of my presents next year. Who would you like to be sent to?

- Semi

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And Tel Janin is also a fan of platform shoes.  It brings him to the level of any female companions he may be attempting to seduce.  He had a hard time for awhile; all he ever did was stare at women's breasts.  Granted, it's not his fault that they were at eye-level.

-Asmo

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WHY is it that Sammael has the ladies' man rep, despite all of the obvious evidence to the contrary?

As for myself, I spent part of Valentine's Day with Lews Therin, not because he is particularly attractive in this Age, but because I like to see Lanfear squirm.  And after that, I had a very good time with your mother. (Or was it your father....?)  *shrugs*

~~Balty'gar

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Yes, you do get around, don't you?  And why you seem to think styling yourself after an Indian curry is clever is beyond me.  But then, I think you must have lost some wits when you found your tits...

As for myself?  Valentine's Day is just another day.  Granted, the fools are distracted either moping about their poor wretched fates, or too busy blowing all their money trying to get a bit of loving, so I took advantage of it.  I had minions selling beer, flowers, and chocolates.  Of course, I'm sure that none of them appreciated the special ingredient really.  Not that I'm going to tell you what that was - you'll just have to follow them into the bathroom to find out!

-Moghedien

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Valentine's Day is a strange thing this Age has concocted to make people feel bad for a) not having someone to spend it with or b) totally screwing up the presents. Have you ever stopped to think about what the holiday actually is?

A man feels responsible for taking his significant other out for dinner (or stay in for dinner, whatever). He gets dressed up, combs his hair for the first time all week, actually takes a bath, and washes his car. Then he appears at her doorstep, offers her flowers and/or chocolate (let's not even discuss what these two things actually ARE...) and takes her to eat somewhere that he really can't afford. And to make matters worse, by the time they get home, whether dinner was good or not, the woman feels responsible for reciprocating amorous feelings in the form of a kiss (and since this isn't the Howard Stern show, I'll stop there).

Then, they blame the whole thing on cheap wine and a little kid running around in a diaper and shooting people with a bow and arrow.

There really has to be a better way to celebrate love than by faking it. Seriously.

~Messy

PS- I spent mine with a few Warders I borrowed from the Greens. Do you think they'll notice?

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Considering that your idea of foreplay is to strap them to a wall and channel at their brains, I'm willing to bet even the retarded children they've bonded noticed the oddity in their head.  That is, of course, unless they were too deep in their cups romancing their other Warders.  But that is neither here nor there - flowers, anyone?  Guaranteed to surprise your choice of date this year!

-Moghedien

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I spent the day dressing up a couple of trollocs as warders. Incidently, as warders belonging to a couple of Greens...

Oh, Messy? You might want to let Semi examine your girly parts. Just saying...

/Dem

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You sure you don't rather want me to examine YOUR girly parts, Dem-dem? *smiles ... Semi style*

Semi

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I would laugh, but that might give you the impression that I find either of you entertaining.

However, props to the Torture Queen! I think his girly parts are definitely at issue and he's in denial. Perhaps Arangar has someone he can talk to about these issues now?

~Messy

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I don't need a shrinker of heads for my problems, I simply pick out a few people who annoy me and shrink their heads for them when I need to blow off some steam.  It is not disconcerting at all to be a virile man living in a beautiful woman's body.  I have the best of both worlds.  A gorgeous figure to look at in the mirror, and my keen male intelligence is untroubled by "PMS".  I think THAT is the reason none of my female counterparts have ever managed to succeed in their bids for the Great Lord's favor-- He KNOWS you can't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

~Balty'gar

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I can make you bleed for much longer than 5 days. And I can guarantee you won't die ... *smiles nastily*

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