A return, attn Rashi

[Visar Falmaien]

Tar Valon seemed dizzingly familiar as Visar trod its streets once again. After being in the Tairen countryside to visit and settle things with his family, Visar decided his absence had gone on long enough.

 

Still, he had been able to think and have plenty of alone time, riding in the countryside and enjoying some peace and quiet. There was something to be said for that, even as he felt his breath quicken at all the hustle and bustle of the big city that was his true home now.

 

He could feel the emotions through the bond much more clearly than he had in a long time, too. Rasheta Sedai was excited and nervous at the same time. Visar felt a slight pang of guilt for being gone so long. They had not left under the best of circumstances, there being much in Visar's heart that he had needed to heal before he could serve her and the Tower as a warder.

 

He wouldn't have returned, however, if he did not feel fully ready in his heart. There were difficult things he had to meditate on, but he had done so during his travels and his time with his old family. Now it was time to let them go, to fully heal from leaving them as he had done so long ago, and return to his family here. He had written much about his feelings in his journals, which he carried with him in his pack, four out of five already fully written, and a fifth half-way completed.

 

He thought about the Tower and of being a Warder again. Not that he hadn't been a Warder during his absense, but he had taken a temporary leave. But how much would change on his return? Would he be welcome by his friends and newcomers? Visar was uncertain and nervous and excited himself, all at the same time. And yet, his heart felt a rare gladness and joy. This was his home, he knew with certainty as he felt the positive energy of the city race through him from everyone around.

 

Wouldn't have it any other way, he thought.

 

He quickened his pace as he made his way on foot to the Tower, and to his Aes Sedai. He had already sold the horse he used in his travels, and he had given his mount at the Tower in the care of someone else long ago. He had even returned the short sword he had borrowed, having left his sword of war at the Tower in Rasheta's keeping. Wouldn't be proper to leave her without some sort of token promising that he would return.

 

As he passed the gates of the White Tower, he felt her presence moving closer, and his heart quickened in excitement despite his visibly stoic, calm exterior. She was meeting him in the main hall, it looked like from judging how long it would take for them to meet.

[Rasheta Ardashir]

Rasheta had spent her morning dealing with a new Green Accepted, the new girl was promising it looked like even Taia would not mind the new girl. Which was promising, Taia hated most of the young girls which made Rasheta's patience wear thin with her. The lessons were going well now though so both girl and Ajah seemed to be handling things well. After this full morning Rasheta was tired she returned to her room in order to go down to the communal baths and soak her tired bones for awhile. She gathered her things and went down to the baths and upbraided her hair and settled into a pool. She settled back staring up at the ceiling thinking.

 

Her life had changed some time ago her warder had requested to leave the White Tower for awhile he needed to see his family, she had allowed him to go because she would never stop someone from doing what was needed. Still she missed him, he had saved her from the deep depression she had been in after losing her other warder. She loved Visar, maybe not in the same way she had loved Adrian. She paused in her thoughts and laughed to herself. No not like Adrian at all. Still though she did care what happened to Visar and if he was killed while traversing the Tairen countryside she would be most unhappy. This time she might never leave her room she certainly wouldn't bond again. She noticed another sister was in the bath now and Rasheta noticed she was getting wrinkled she got out and dressed again and returned to her quarters.

 

Rasheta needed something else to do to finish her afternoon and evening. She opened and closed a few of her books and then felt Visar's presence very close. Startled she looked toward her door, then shook her head he wasn't in the White Tower yet but he was in Tar Valon. She grabbed her shawl and started down toward the gates. She would meet him there, he moved quicker then she did as she came upon him in the greeting hall for the Tower. She stopped and just looked at him for awhile as he assessed her. She hadn't re braided her hair so she self consciously pushed a strand back behind her ear. She noticed that he looked older maybe harder, he had finally been named a Blademaster shortly before he had left, she remembered that ceremony she'd healed him after that as well as the warder he had fought against. He looked as though he might have put his sword mastery to work. He needed to clean up some she held off hugging him or doing anything else till they were back in her rooms. She waved him to follow her without speaking.

 

Once they got behind closed doors she turned to him and hugged him to her. "I missed you" she said softly she pulled back a little and asked seriously. "have you done whatever you needed to do? Are you back by my side for good?"

 

Rasheta Sedai

Green Sitter

Edited September 26, 2012 by Rasheta Ardashir

[Visar Falmaien]

Visar stopped as he saw her in the greeting hall. He smiled inwardly, though outwardly he was worried he might appear a little stiff and formal. This was an Aes Sedai, after all, and being around his family, who were a rare exception of Tairens that venerated them (thanks in large part to the White Tower's generosity in purchasing them land away from the turbulent city politics). And yet here she was, and hadn't aged at all, though she did look different to him. Even though they had not seen each other for a while, he knew that she was familiar and could almost read her expressions from the emotions coming strongly from the bond.

 

He wanted to run up and embrace her, to pick her up and twirl her around to show that he was glad to see her, to say that he loved her, but hesitated. It wouldn't be appropriate to do that in public, he knew, and he didn't know exactly how she felt about his return. Best follow her lead for now.

 

She led him up to her rooms with a wave, and he followed, unsure of what to say. He didn't think anything he could say would be the right words. Burn it, was he still so conscious about his words? Visar crinkled his face up briefly in frustration at himself, and then reminded himself that he didn't need to be angry.

 

The doors closed, and with them the cool stone and chilly halls. Finally, the tension that he could sense emanating from both of them released in their warm embrace.

 

"I missed you," she whispered, and he nodded, biting back tears in his eyes as he felt the same. His voice was a little choked, but he held her to him fiercely, as someone who's fallen into the Erinen clings to a lifeline. She had saved him time and time again, especially from his own self-hatred. They parted a little and she asked a question that she had probably wanted to ask for a long time,

 

"have you done whatever you needed to do? Are you back by my side for good?"

 

Visar kept his hands on her shoulders and collected his thoughts and mind.

 

"I have done much thinking and healing these last few months. Writing my thoughts and feelings down have helped, and spending some time helping my family with their new farm has as well. Did you know, that my older brother, wife, and their children have fifteen cats??" Visar laughed, and was glad that Rasheta at least smiled. He remembered he had not quite answered her question, and grew more serious.

 

"Before, I have done you and myself a disservice in my actions and thoughts. I am not perfect and I'm sure I will make plenty of mistakes and failures. But I love myself, and you, and have come to appreciate almost everything the Wheel weaves. And I love my work here at the Tower, and being your Warder is a thrill and an honor."

 

Visar stepped back and bowed. "It would be my pleasure to commit myself to your service as your Warder, for as long as I live. My mind, my heart, and my sword are yours, Rasheta Sedai."

[Rasheta Ardashir]

Visar released her and stepped back from her to bow and say, "It would be my pleasure to commit myself to your service as your Warder, for as long as I live. My mind, my heart, and my sword are yours, Rasheta Sedai." Rasheta smiled slowly, it was good to have him back she had missed him very much. She touched his chin and tilted his face up to her's.

 

"Good, I will protect you as well. As long as I can keep you alive." She smiled and then looked him over again and wrinkled her nose. "First before you tell me your story go and clean up. I'll get a fire going and will be waiting for you when you return." He smiled at her, and she pushed him toward his room. "Go on. I'll still be here I promise." He went and she shook her head smiling, he was always making her smile in odd ways. She lit the fire with little problem she'd already had wood in the grate she'd been hoping on a fire tonight anyway. While she waited she moved the longer couch closer to the fire, it would be big enough for two and she could sit and wait for Visar to return. He had better tell her all she wanted to know about his adventures. Had he had to use the skills he'd learned while he was travling with her, and then again when he had become a blademaster? He'd tell her soon enough.

 

 

She settled down in the couch closest to the fire and stared at the flames, she was thinking about what she had to tell him about life in the White Tower while he was away. He'd be sure to know she'd missed him, but what else was there to tell? She wasn't going to bond again. She had been turned into a one warder Aes Sedai. She smiled to herself, this was rare in a Green some of her sisters had three warders. She wasn't sure how they were able to do it. One person in her head was enough more then that would probably scramble her brain. She started when she realized that Visar was standing at the couch side just watching her. She smiled at him and nodded "sit down." She waited till he was seated next to her and she leaned her head on him and tucked her feet up under her on the couch. He seemed surprised by her movements but she asked "Tell me what you have done while you were away."

[Visar Falmaien]

Visar went to clean up, which he sorely needed to do anyway. How long had it been since he had a proper cleaning? Thankfully it was not too hard to find a tub and some heated water to bathe in and wash the road off him. He shivered as he left and put on some clean clothes, making sure to get some woolen socks, as the stone floor was uncomfortably cold this time of year.

 

He made his way back into Rasheta's living room, and a nice fire was crackling in the hearth. She had pulled a couch close and was sitting on it. He crept up but she seemed deep in thought staring at the flames. What was she thinking about? he wondered. He felt like he had done so much and so little at the same time for his whole journey. He had gone somewhere within himself, that was undeniable. But seeing her there was so familiar and warm.

 

He blinked as he and she both realized he was just standing there. They sat together on the couch, and he was a little surprised that she was comfortable enough with him to put her head on his shoulder. He felt both a little nervous that she was that close, and a deep longing for being so close to someone he cared about. He had missed that, and many more small but important ways in which they interacted. It had been such a long time.

 

"Tell me what you have done while you were away."

 

Visar breathed in and thought about his journey. He stared into the fire, and a small smile came to his face without him even realizing it.

 

"Well," he said as he drew his arm around her shoulder to keep her close, "I wish I could say I went on an exciting and perilous adventure, but honestly I can't say too much about the journey to Tear and back other than the horrible price of food in some places..."

 

As the night went by, Visar went into more detail about the journeys, which were by Warder standards very uneventful. No bandits or Aiel or shadowspawn or nobleman intrigue or anything like that. Just riding in a boat cabin down and back up the river, and riding a horse in the countryside. He had kept a journal of his traveling and his sojourn in the countryside.

 

He talked about how his family was doing in more detail. He still had a kind of pained nostalgia when he talked about them, but for the most part he had made his peace with them as much as any man could. He made sure they were well looked after and happy, and they seemed happy that he had a good life up here, even if they couldn't understand what it was like to live in Tar Valon or serve as a Warder. They were merchants and farmers, and theirs was a simple but peaceful life. Visar envied them, sometimes, and yet there were so many things he knew that they didn't.

 

He also started to talk about what he was going through in his mind, and that he had decided not to feel like a victim of his own emotions and self-destructive doubts anymore. He wasn't wrong to feel how he did sometimes, he reasoned, as he did not have the most healthy upbringing. And yet he had some measure of control and knew that he was on the mend, however long it took.

 

"And so it was while sitting by a fire much more modest than this one, over a month ago, that I realized I was ready to come back. That I was ready to be here at your side again. And so I came back up, and can't say anything about the return journey that particularly stands out."

 

Visar let Rasheta take all of that in, before adding,

 

"And what have you been doing at the Tower in my absence? Is there anything going on here that I need to know about to help you with your job? I feel almost a stranger coming back here, and a lot can change here in just a few months. What have I missed?" he asked, although already knowing that he had missed her. Missed her more than he felt he knew how to say.

[Rasheta Ardashir]

Rasheta ended up with her head in Visar's lap he was running his finger through her hair which was strangely soothing to her. She could have stayed listening to him for a long time, but after he was done telling her about his adventures, or lack thereof, he asked,

 

"And what have you been doing at the Tower in my absence? Is there anything going on here that I need to know about to help you with your job? I feel almost a stranger coming back here, and a lot can change here in just a few months. What have I missed?"

 

She rolled on her back so she was looking up at him rather then staring at the fire and he continued playing with her hair, as she thought about her own adventures. She answered, "My time in the tower since you've been gone has been mostly mundane." She smiled as he snorted amused. She laughed "Is it so far fetched that time in the tower can be mundane?" He shook his head at her and went back to playing with her hair and she continued. We had a few new Accepted join the Ajah one of them may never join us fully she isn't hardened enough for it. To the rest of the Tower she is a Green to us she is not. We don't think she could stand being in battle, not really. The first time you see a Trolloc is hard on anyone but you have to be able to push fear aside and do what must be done." She petted Visar's arm when speaking, she remembered going to save him from a battle in the Blight when he was still training.

 

"One of the sisters returned to the tower I do not like her very much, her name is Taia Misna and she bonded Rekinu recently. Taia is frivolous and seems to only care for making jokes. Although I suppose her warder has recently toned her down some. You should meet Rekinu" She added "I think you would like him at least. Although" she smiled "Most of the warders tell me Taia is beautiful so you may like to stare at her as well." She was smiling but she wasn't thrilled with the prospect of Visar eying Taia in appreciation. She changed the subject.

 

"How long would you be willing to stay in the tower before going away again?" She asked curious. She had some ideas to travel again soon, although she didn't want to leave right away when he had just gotten back. He was one of the blade masters currently residing in the tower he could be useful to the warders. She added "Would you be willing to return to the Blight, I remember the last time you were there it was not a nice experience for you."

[Visar Falmaien]

Mundane? Visar could hardly believe it but he knew she was telling the truth. He was almost disappointed nothing particularly crazy had happened up here. He was just glad to be back, and had missed the rare moments of intimacy like this, just cuddling by fire on the couch.

 

He listened with minimal interest about the new Aes Sedai in the Green Ajah. Chances were he'd need to know these people and be on friendly terms, but right now he didn't care that much. He shuddered slightly, as if a cool breeze came in through the closed window, at the mention of Trollocs. He had no real desire to fight them again if he could help it.

 

He listened with a little more interest at Rasheta's dislike for another Aes Sedai. This might just be his new job: trying to make sure Rasheta didn't blow anybody up out of frustration. At least the other woman had taken a warder. Rekinu... that name sounded familiar but Visar could not for the life of him place a face to the name. Visar smiled back at the mention of Taia's beauty. He doubted it would matter but there was nothing wrong with looking. Still, he noticed the abrupt change of subject. Was Rasheta jealous of this newcomer Aes Sedai? Or was there something else going on between the two women? Well, he could at least be on good terms with the new Warder and help indirectly.

 

"How long would you be willing to stay in the tower before going away again?"

 

Visar frowned. He had only just returned and already Rasheta was talking about leaving? Or was she trying to test him for something?

"I am at your service, here at the Tower or away if that is your mission," he answered cautiously, though he knew he could not conceal his uncertain emotions.

 

"Would you be willing to return to the Blight, I remember the last time you were there it was not a nice experience for you."

 

Visar sat up and disengaged slightly physically from Rasheta. Inwardly his sense of content curdled and was replaced with a triggered fear and anxiety. Was Rasheta really planning on traveling to the Blight? Even under ideal circumstances that was considered close to suicide!

 

He could feel the oppressive heat and yet the hazy, red sun seemed as distant as the morning star. Visar stood in his unit, bracing himself for the coming storm. And they came, a great, shadowy horde of destruction that seemed to have no end...

 

Visar found himself standing and clutching his chest with his arms, as if it was freezing. He blinked and realized Rasheta was looking at him and obviously concerned.

 

"I'm sorry," he said, forcing himself to try to calm his trembling. "I don't know what just happened. I... Rasheta, I will follow you wherever you lead, but I feel that returning to the Blight would be..."

 

The sickening smell of the air. The bestial grunts and screams of near-human Trolloc monsters rushing in with no end. The Myrdraal, singularly silent as death, closing in with no particular hurry with its serpentine gait. Closing in, and no escape. He and his companions would die. Fire, pain.

 

"not a good idea," he managed to finish as he rubbed at his head furiously. Why couldn't he think clearly? What was wrong with him?

[Rasheta Ardashir]

Rasheta was worried about Visar, he was hugging himself and shivering.

 

"I don't know what just happened. I... Rasheta, I will follow you wherever you lead, but I feel that returning to the Blight would be...not a good idea," he managed to finish as he rubbed at his head furiously

 

Rasheta stood up and hugged him. He was stiff and he shivered like he was cold. "Shhh" she said as though speaking to a very small child. "It will be okay." She simply hugged him till he came back to himself. It took awhile but when he was playing with her hair again she knew he would be alright, at least for the moment. "Come, sit down." She sat in his lap and laid her head on his shoulder. He was in more need of comfort then she was. "I'm sorry my talk of the blight upset you. I know it holds bad memories for you. Eventually we will have to go there, either because my head demands I do or because we go to face the last battle." She felt him tense up under her and she hugged him again. "That won't be for some time yet, it will be alright."

 

Rasheta knew he was probably reliving his last time there, she had bonded him shortly after they had all returned to the tower. He had decided he wanted to be released from her after that, and she had let him go for awhile. He had come back become a blademaster, and then left again to return to his family for a time. Somewhere along the way they had stopped being angry with each other all the time, and now they both had respect for one another, and if her current position on his lap was any indication, they felt something a little more then friendly with each other. It had taken years and years to get to respect though, it had not happened overnight. Rasheta wondered how Taia could think that relationships were for sex only, as she was sure the other woman did. Many of the Greens simply bedded there warders and left it at that. Rasheta liked to think it took more then that. She realized she was lost in her own thoughts and should be working on helping Visar.

 

"You know my mother always sang to me when I was feeling scared or lonely. I would offer to sing you something but my voice is not worth listening too." She laughed and he smiled at her. She could feel him relax a little. "But I might just sing anyway." So she did it was awful her voice was not exactly soothing, but she tried. Visar tried to not smile at her bad attempt but he couldn't help it. He laughed at her and she smiled back. "I'm glad my humiliation is funny for you. I won't help you next time." She did something very novice like then and stuck her tongue out at him. She turned serious

 

"I do want to leave the tower when your ready. Don't worry" she added "we won't go to the borderlands. Where would you like to go?" She thought of something else to take his mind off things. "And what did you do as a child that would get you into trouble?" She was smiling when she asked.

 

Rasheta Ardashir

Green Ajah Sitter

Trying to make her warder smile.

[Visar Falmaien]

(ooc: hey, many apologies for a very long wait!)

 

Visar felt like a child laying by Rasheta and letting her comfort him.  Light, but it had been a long time since he had felt any real comfort.  His family was friendly enough but they had ceased being close a long time ago.  And he had never allowed himself to be very close to his comrades after a few had drifted away from his life.  Why get close to someone that you could lose the next day?

 

He relaxed as she comforted him, sang to him.  His panic attack had subsided and while in the past this would immediately be replaced by crippling levels of shame, he just let himself be weak and feel the comfort of someone who cared.  Feeling a little better, he responded more to her touch and her voice.

He thought about where to journey.

 

"Well, the borderlands are a mess right now.  But there are some places worth traveling to I think.  I don't think I've ever been to Cairhien before.  And Ebou Dar has always been an interesting place as well."

 

"And what did you do as a child that would get you into trouble?"

 

Visar thought about that for a while, smiling at the nostalgia.

 

"What didn't I do to get in trouble?" he said with a grin.  "I would have to make up new ways to be a nuisance to everyone around me.  I wasn't happy in Tear, and I responded by doing things I'd be ashamed of doing now.  At least I learned the hard way that that lifestyle was a path I don't have to choose anymore."

 

Visar thought about thieving, and gambling.  Feeling the thrill as he ran with a gang of children through the muddy streets of Tear.  Feeling the sweat and ache of his muscles as he worked with the channel dredgers in punishment for his delinquincy.  And then everything had changed going to the Tower.  It was so different here it had been almost unreal.  People treating him for his own merit.  Being justly punished for being dishonest or doing wrong.  And for a while, he had thought he needed to leave.  Like he had felt unfree here.  How could he have been so wrong?

 

He told Rasheta Sedai as much, as he slowly went through the many events leading him back here.  Back home.

 

"All I know is, I'm back for good," he said.  "No more running off on you.  No more wishing I was elsewhere.  This is my home," he said, and held Rasheta closer to him on the couch with a firm but gently squeeze.  He smiled, and closed his eyes, content with how the evening was going.

 

 

 

 

[Rasheta Ardashir]

Rasheta listened as Visar talked, it was good to hear him chat about his childhood. He hadn't told her too much back when she first bonded him, then he had left her to go and find himself, or whatever it was that he had needed to do. He was back now though and he was telling her amusing stories about his young life. She could see him annoying the adults, she smiled and could tell he was amused telling her about it. Then he paused and told her about his adventures leading up to him returning to her. It was a long chat and while he was talking he seemed to be reliving the adventures. She let him talk until finally he refocused on her and hugged her.

 

"All I know is, I'm back for good," he said.  "No more running off on you.  No more wishing I was elsewhere.  This is my home," he said

 

Rasheta nodded and hugged him back, "Good, its good to have you back." She stood up and she could tell he was tired and worn out from telling her everything as well as traveling. she nodded back toward his room. "You should go and rest up, i'm sure the Master of Arms will want you down in the Yards tomorrow to train the young trainiees." She smiled at that and added "Also I left the room the way it was when you left, so you should find everything where you left it. If you need anything you have but to come back out here and find me. You know the late hours I keep." She hugged him again before sending him to bed.

 

Rasheta waited till Visar had gone to his rest and then picked up a book about the Trolloc Wars again, and tried to get back to reading it. She was happy that her warder was back, now she had someone to watch her back and she could leave the tower again. She had an idea of where to go next, but she needed to make sure Visar was ready. After thinking about it for awhile she got up and turned the lights out and went to bed herself. The talk was ready for another day.

 

Rasheta Ardashir

Green Sitter

Sleeping