For what was, what is and what will be: Amadine's Arches

[Amadine]

“Now you mind your manners from now on, you hear!”

 

“Yes Mistress Laras” Amadine replied as meekly as she could manage.

 

“If I hear you growl under your breath again like that child, I’ll have Pia Sedai tanning your hide quicker than you can say ‘Yes Mistress Laras’!” the Mistress of the Kitchens glared at Amadine. “Now get out of my kitchen before I put you to work in the spit wheels like one of the dogs.”

 

Amadine made a hurried exit from the kitchens. Light, but that woman was in a bad mood today! She had gone down to the kitchens to beg a late supper after her last class for the day only to be shoved out of the way by Laras. Amadine had stubbed her toe through the slippers she wore and had cursed under her breath. So here she was, a stubbed toe, threatened with the Mistress of Novices, threatened to be turned into a spit dog and starving! *Oh well* she thought *At least I have that stash of cheese and bread in my room I guess.*

 

Amadine had learned early in her life as a Novice at the White Tower to always have a stash of food. Chores and classes ruled the lives of Novices and they seldom left time for much more than a hurried bite to eat between appointments.

 

Amadine walked slowly towards the Novice quarters, lost in her thoughts. She wondered how her family were doing. In the last letter her mother had sent she said that her older sister’s girl had just had her eighth name day and the twins were now nearing three. Gris and Brinly’s boys were now six and two. Her father was well and still working at the inn; she had had several High Ladies come to her for dresses after meeting Patira at a ball at the palace.

 

Ama was thinking about just how long it had been since she had seen her family. So long since the day she came to the White Tower full of hope that she would be able to train as Aes Sedai. The day she was tested successfully for the ability to channel was the proudest day of her life. She was looking forward to the day that she would be allowed to travel away from the Tower and see her family again. But that day was a long way off.

 

As Amadine entered to Novice Quarters she began to see some familiar faces. She smiled at the girls she had come to know during her time at the Tower and told them she was well when they enquired. She saw Regalia pop her head out of the doorway into her room and quickly check who was about. Amadine laughed to herself. That girl was always up to no good! Ray-ray gave Ama a wink and Amadine waved to her before continuing onto her room.

 

When Amadine reached her room it was empty. She idly wondered where Knytiri was. They had been roommates for years now and had become good friends. Probably stuck doing chores or in a late class Amadine guessed.

 

With a sigh Amadine set her books onto the small table beside her bed. She lit the lamp to ward off the darkness and filled the washbowl with fresh water. She rinsed her face and neck. Drying off she went to her closet and pull out a fresh shift for sleeping. Ama stuck her hand right to the back of the closet and felt around for her stash. Finding it, she broke off a piece each of the cheese and bread and replaced the rest in its hidey hole. As she ate she straightened the room, putting her things away. She straightened the coverlet on Kny’s bed too.

 

Not being ready for sleep Amadine sat in her chair, took out her sewing kit and began mending one of her Novice dresses where the hem had come unstitched. She was sitting there sewing and humming softly to herself when there was a sharp knock at the door.

 

The sound gave Amadine such a start that she stuck her finger with her needle. Carefully she set aside the dress and needle and rose to open the door sucking her finger. Amadine was not sure who to expect, it was much too late for visitors. She pulled the door open and the light from the lamp revealed Pia Sedai, the Mistress of Novices, and wearing the shawl that marked her as Aes Sedai with its long grey fringe denoting her Ajah.

 

Amadine bobbed a curtsey and stammered “Um, hello Pia Sedai.”

 

“Good evening Amadine” Pia Sedai smiled at her “Could you come with me please.”

 

Amadine frowned, wondering what could possibly be going on. “Of course Pia Sedai” she replied.

 

She stood and pulled her light cloak from its peg on the wall to wrap around herself. As soon as she had the cloak settled on her shoulders the Mistress of Novices motioned for her to follow and turned, leading the way. Amadine followed Pia Sedai, down corridors, through antechambers, down stairs, deeper and deeper into the depths of the Tower. Amadine thought that she would never find her way out of here alone! Amadine finally found her voice and asked, “Pia Sedai, if it pleases you, may I know what we are doing down here?”

 

“Why Child!” she exclaimed without turning or slowing, “You’ve not worked it out yet? You’re to be raised to Accepted this night.”

 

Amadine stared at the Aes Sedai’s back. Accepted! Oh! She felt butterflies take flight deep in her belly. The butterflies were instant excitement and nervousness all rolled into one. The continued on in silence until they reached a pair of large heavy wooden doors. Pia Sedai pushed them open easily and they went in.

 

Amadine gazed around in wonder. She was in a large chamber with a domed ceiling. In the centre of the room there was a large sculpture of three arches standing on a thick silver ring. The edges of each arch were touching each other, in the three places where the edges met, there sat an Aes Sedai. Each was wearing her shawl, a Red, a White and a Blue sister. Each had her legs crossed and were concentrating on the sculpture. It was not a sculpture she realised, it was the ter’angreal that she must pass through three times to become an Accepted. It looked very different to what she had imagined after being told about it in class. Off to the left of the ter’angreal there was a fourth Aes Sedai, a Yellow by her shawl, next to a table which held three large silver chalices filled with what looked to be water.

 

Amadine’s gaze returned to Pia Sedai. The Mistress of Novices looked at her and began to speak. “I will now tell you two things that no woman hears until she enters this room. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, no matter your potential and you will be very kindly put out of the Tower with enough silver to support you a year and you will never be allowed back.”

 

Amadine nodded her understanding and the Aes Sedai continued, “Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger here. Some women have entered, and never come out. When the ter’angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they – were – not – there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Faltering leads to a failure.”

 

“This is your last chance, child. You may turn back now, and you will have only mark against you. Twice more will you be allowed to come here, and only at the third refusal will you be put out of the Tower. It is no shame to refuse. Many cannot do it their first time here. Now you may speak.”

 

Amadine tried to process the words the Mistress of Novices had spoken. Girls didn’t come out?! Light! And she was to go in there? Could she go in there? Ama steadied herself and thought *if I want to be Aes Sedai, I have to do this, and I do want to be Aes Sedai!*

 

Once she had calmed herself Amadine looked into the Aes Sedai’s eyes and said “I am ready Pia Sedai.”

 

“If you are sure child, we will begin” Amadine nodded and watched as Pia Sedai turned to face the Yellow Sister standing at the table with the chalices. Ama knew by heart what was about to come.

 

The Yellow Sister began to speak in a clear, low voice, “Whom do you bring with you Sister?”

 

“One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister.” Pia Sedai replied in a clear voice.

 

“Is she ready?”

 

“She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.”

 

“Does she know her fears?”

 

“She has never faced them, but is now willing.”

 

“Then let her face what she fears.”

 

The Mistress of Novices turned to Amadine. “Now child, you must face your fears as you were born. Fold your things and place them here. They will still be here when you return for them.”

 

Amadine had known this was coming but she still felt uncomfortable. Bearing herself to her fears was okay, but naked? Did she have to be naked? She sighed and began undressing, carefully folding her things and placing them in a neat pile where Pia Sedai had indicated.

 

She stood and nodded to Pia Sedai. The Aes Sedai took her arm and guided her around to the first arch. She looked at Amadine and said, “The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

Amadine looked to the Mistress of Novices and she nodded encouragingly. Ama stepped forward and a bright white light engulfed her. As she stepped through she found herself standing in her mother’s dress shop. Glancing down Amadine found she was wearing a well made dress of cream silk. Silk! She’d never worn silk in her life. Ama ran her hands down the dress luxuriating in the silky feel of the fabric under her hands. She turned to admire the dress in the tall free standing mirror she knew was there. “The way back will come but once. Be steadfast” Amadine gave herself a shake, where had that voice come from?

 

Her mother entered to shop and smiled at Amadine. “Oh, Amadine honey! You look beautiful! More beautiful a bride there never was. I am so pleased with the way your dress came up! Fancy that, Patira gifting you a whole bolt of Sharan Silk for your dress!”

 

Amadine could remember the day her employer, her mother’s best friend had given her such a gift. She had thrown her arms around Patira and almost cried with happiness. “The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

Carinia took her daughter’s arm and turned her towards the back of the shop. “Come now Amadine. We mustn’t keep your handsome groom waiting.”

 

Amadine could remember the way Mathwyn had courted her. She smiled at a memory of the first time he worked up the courage to speak to her, though she had been secretly admiring him for months. Mathwyn was Patira’s youngest brother, just three years older than Amadine; he had come to Camelyn from Baerlon to help with Bren’s growing merchant trade. She was so excited to be getting married, and soon she hoped they could begin a family of their own.

 

“The way back will come back once. Be steadfast”

 

The voice caused Amadine to look around behind her as her mother drew her towards the back door, to the garden where Mathwyn waited. There, at the front door onto the street stood a silver arch, glowing. With a start she pulled back on her arm. That arch meant something, something important. It was going to be life changing. She looked to the back door where Mat and their families were waiting for her in the yard, then looked to the glowing arch. Important and life changing. Her mother pulled gently on her arm, “Ama honey, Mat’s waiting.” Carinia said warmly.

 

“I’m sorry Mother, I have to go.”

 

“Go? Go where?” Carinia was puzzled, and worried. “It’s your wedding day Amadine. Where else could you possibly have to go?”

 

“I’m sorry Mother, I have to.” She pulled her arm free of her mother’s hand and ran through the glowing arch.

 

Suddenly there was a cold gush of water over her head as the Yellow Sister poured the first chalice over her head and intoned, “You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul.”

 

Pia Sedai took hold of Amadine’s arm and began guiding her around to the second arch. Ama looked at her and said “Was it real? It felt real.” She remembered the joy she had felt at the thought of marrying Mathwyn, and then having his children in the years to come.

 

“No one knows child, if it is real or some creation of the ter’angreal on thoughts drawn from you. Come now child, it is time.”

 

They were standing before the second arch, the Aes Sedai again looked at her and this time she said “The second arch is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

Amadine took a long, deep breath and stepped forward to be engulfed by the bright shining light once again. She blinked in the bright light of day. She was walking towards the Warder’s Yard. She blinked again wondering why she was going towards the Warder’s Yard. She realised she was following a young man, he turned to check she was still coming and she remembered him finding her in the infirmary. Telling her there had been an accident, one of the warder aspirant’s had cracked another’s head, he was bleeding badly and unconscious, she must come quickly. “The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.” That voice... so familiar she thought.

 

As they drew closer to the sparring ring she could hear worried shouts and see people milling around. She lifted the skirt of her dress and began to cross the dirt of the yard. The crowd parted and she found one of the warders kneeling beside the unconscious form of the boy. He was pressing a cloth against the wound, he looked up as she approached, “Amadine Sedai, the lad here has his head cracked open he has” he said in an Illianer accent.

 

“The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

Amadine knelt beside the boy, and pulled the cloth back from his head. “Well now Gaidin,” she said, “He has certainly done a proper job of it hasn’t he.”

 

The lad’s scalp was laid open and bone was clearly visible, as was a long crack in that bone from which seeped a straw coloured liquid. The lad certainly was in a bad way, only Healing could save this lad’s life. And Healing now.  As Amadine drew on Saidar to begin the Healing weaves a glowing caught her eye. “The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

Just behind the growing crowd she glimpsed a bright silver archway. It pulled at her soul. Shaking her head Amadine tried to open herself to Saidar, but it was like the arch was singing to her now. She stood and the Warder looked up at her frowning, “What do it be Aes Sedai?”

 

“I... I must go” she stammered uncertainly. Uncertainty was not something an Aes Sedai displayed openly! She tried hard to keep her face neutral, she could Heal him she knew it, but there wasn’t time. There wasn’t time, the arch, the arch!

 

The Warder looked at her; he gave her a look which said he didn’t understand her thought processes at all! It asked why she did not just Heal the boy. “Amadine Sedai, the lad. He be dying if you not be Healing him.”

 

Amadine looked down and began to kneel again. As she did so the glowing arch wavered. She stopped, half kneeling, torn between the dying boy and the glowing arch that sang to her. If she didn’t go now, “I’m so sorry.” She cried and ran to the glowing arch and threw herself through it.

 

Cold water splashed over her and she stumbled into the arms of Pia Sedai. The Yellow Sister was beside her and intoned “You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul.”

 

“I could have Healed him, he didn’t have to die I could have stayed and Healed him” she sobbed into the shoulder of the Mistress of Novices.

 

“Shush child,” she murmured, stroking Amadine’s hair,“Just one more and you are done.”

 

Gently the Aes Sedai wiped away her tears and guided her to stand before the third arch way. Amadine drew herself up straight and scrubbed at her eyes with her hands. “The third time is for what will be. Be steadfast for the way back will come but once.”

 

Again Ama stepped forward into the glowing light of the arch. She stepped forward and into a fight. Amadine stood back to back with a man, a tall man, with an ethereal gracefulness to his movement. His sword whirled with deadly precision as he stepped through the practiced forms he knew so well. He almost danced as he whirled around again taking the last of the bandits across the throat. She could feel the burn of the single slice across his ribs. A mild irritation to a man such as he, “Are you well Amadine Sedai? Did any of them harm you?” he asked, though knowing she was unharmed.

 

“I am well my Gaidin.” She smiled fondly at Caedmon. Remembering the way they met, he had knocked her down while running through the streets of Caemlyn. He had been so apologetic, especially when he realised she was Aes Sedai. He had followed her back to Tar Valon trying to make amends he said, despite her protests. “Be steadfast. The way back will come but once.”

 

“But I feel that wound across your ribs, let me Heal you.”

 

“It is nothing Ama, we shall be back to Tar Valon before nightfall, I shall see to it then.” He smiled at her. He was her closest friend, her confidant, her lover, the only person in the world who knew her in truth. He rounded up the horses; it was the horses they had been after. A well-trained horse was worth a pretty penny in this day and age. And battle-trained stallion alone would fetch several gold crowns from the right buyer. “I don’t know what they were thinking,” he continued, “How could they possibly think they would get past an Aes Sedai and a Warder?”

 

“The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

“Perhaps they thought only of their empty stomachs my friend.”

 

They remounted and continued on their way. As they rounded the next bend they saw a woman laying in the trail. Amadine hurriedly dismounted and rushed to the woman’s side. She laid there her eyes closed. Ama knelt beside the woman and tried to rouse her. Caedmon approached warily – he felt, something. Amadine could feel his uneasiness through the bond. “The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

Caedmon touched Ama’s shoulder as she knelt over the woman “Careful Amadine, something here is not...”

 

Amadine felt the arrow tear through Caedmon’s left side and screamed, he spun and as he drew his sword another arrow took him in the chest, and Amadine felt it all through the bond. Her whole body tingled with rage. She prepared the weave to throw a fireball at their attackers and to her right an arch appeared. She hesitated and the weave dissipated. Again pain rippled through the bond, *they are going to kill him Amadine. DO SOMETHING* the voice in her head screamed.

 

The arch flickered, she drew on Saidar, and the arch flickered, “Caedmon! I am sorry my love!”

 

“AMADINE!” Caedmon screamed as they stabbed him again.

 

She fled to the arch; she threw herself through it, screaming with the pain flowing through the bond from Caedmon.

 

She was still screaming when she emerged from the arch and collapsed to the floor. “Oh Light! I left him I left him I left him dying and screaming my name! How could I leave him there, oh Caedmon!” she cried hysterically.

 

Cold water washed over her and Amadine glared up through rivulets of water and streaming tears to see the Amyrlin Seat. She was wearing a green silk dress and the seven-striped stole that marked her rank sat across her shoulders. “You are washed clean of Amadine al’Varine of Caemlyn. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean in heart and soul. You are Amadine al’Varine, Accepted of the White Tower.”

 

Amadine looked around the chamber, there were many more Aes Sedai now than there had been before, “You are sealed to us, now. Welcome, daughter.”

 

The Amyrlin offered her hand and Amadine took it. She handed the silver chalice to the Yellow Sister. From a pocket somewhere in her skirts the Amyrlin produced a golden ring. The Great Serpent ring. Still holding Amadine’s hand she slipped the ring onto the third finger of her left hand. She pulled a still sobbing Amadine to her feet and smiled at her “Welcome Daughter” The Amyrlin kissed Ama’s left cheek then the right, “Welcome.”

 

Pia Sedai came to stand by Amadine’s side, “I will care for her Mother” she said to the Amyrlin. She helped Ama into a white dress, not a novice dress she realised, but the banded dress of an Accepted. Pia Sedai turned Amadine towards the doorway to the chamber. Amadine’s eyes were red-rimmed and Pia was making comforting sounds as she led Ama back into the tower proper.

 

“With time the memories fade Amadine.”

 

“Thank you Pia Sedai” she replied. The test was over, she was now Accepted. She was on the way. She had proved herself. The next part of her journey lay ahead now; she would be an Aes Sedai. She would be a Healer.

 

 

[Amadine]

*bump*