Don´t be afraid - Chore for Lily

[Guest Faile1987]

~Faile~

 

She still remembered the day she had first done this chore, as Leona Sedai had called it by herself and now she should be the one to pick a Novice to help her with something most Novices would be too feeble and scared of to be trusted with and yet she had been told just the right Novice to give a this a try with.

 

Looking for the girl, Faile coudln´t help herself musing about how radically her path in the White Tower had changed. Having once stood up fiercely against gentling, she now felt nothing as much as a responsibility for those poor creatures that the Reds brought into the White Tower to help them. Gentle them, condemning them to death, howeever you ´d put it, each version was truth and lie at once and Faile had eventually come to realize and acknowledge that.

 

It was amazing how much influence the White Tower had on a single person, the mind and personality of a child that didn´t feel like one at all, only to realize how chldishly innocent they had been once as soon as they grow older. Grow into their roles. Being formed according to the Path of the Tower, being made faithful servants of the cause. It felt inhuman and uncaring to think of the white-clad Novices as mere instruments, yet whenever she one of her bleaker moods struck her, Faile couldn´t help but realize the truth or what seemed to be the truth so often. The all were formed, willing or not, just as the White Tower needed them to be and who didn´t bend would be sorted out eventually.

 

It was more than cynical to think about their "chosen path" like that and yet it was true as much as it was not. Walking through the corridor, finally spotting the novice she had been looking for just coming out of one of the high-ceilinged classrooms, Faile coudln´t help but ponder about the influence she herself might have on the might of this particualar novice. Could a simple chore affect her the same as it had her when she was her age? How would she react and would it change anything about her perception of the White Tower or attitudes to the One Power in general? There was no help but to find out and calling out for the Novice and gesturing her to follow, Faile was excited how this would turn out.

 

OOC: I hope you´ll have fun with that one, Lily ;)

[Lih-Lyh]

Saline snorted. Request for her? When do the Accepted request Novices to help them. Usually, it's grabbing the nearest lass who was free and clad in white. Once there is a Here you! one Novice was no different from another. Would you take a woman who cannot refuse?

 

She gathered her bags and left the lecture, feeling odd as she waited for the Accepted. When a coloured hem approached, Saline looked up from her silent contemplation. The slippers were quite lovely to look at, she admitted grudgingly.

 

Which part of I have to obey do you not understand? Saline was a nice lass, but not when there were obligations she did not like. Another chore on top of the cat-tapult. That was different. It was unthinking, and fun with Miss Lillian and Syara. How she wished Syara would be more free to spend more time with, but meh - the Tower was demanding on Aes Sedai and Novices alike.

 

Sometimes she thought that the Accepted had the most fun. Why was she not summoned for her Arches yet? Dear Aeveryn had been promoted ages ago.

 

Finally, it occurred to her to wonder at the nature of the chore.

 

Saline the Novice

~ Going in blind. ~

[Guest Faile1987]

~Faile~

 

It took her but a glimpse at Saline to see that the girl was less than happy to follow her and yet she did follow, if very disgruntled and obviously even less concerned about the proper ways of behavior in front of an Accepted than Faile had been herself when she had still been wearing the white. Without showing any apparent reproval besides arching a judging eyebrow at the girl, Faile took her downward walking further and further under the earth in the heart of the White Tower to see one of these poor creatures whose fate it was to end up here in the custody of the White Tower. Custody that was neccessary as she always did discover again and again and the stench that drafted from the semi-dark cells were silent confirmation of what she already knew.

 

"Don´t be scared", she told the Novice standing behind her when she opened the door of one of the narrow cells. "I don´t think you´ve ever encountered one of our charges yet",she said when they entered the cell, keeping her voice low as she handed a bucket of hot water, a couple of linnen cloths as well as a small bottle of iodine to the girl, keeping another one by herself. "There is no reason to be afraid, he can´t harm you. Just stay close to me and don´t move or speak abruptly, they get scared easily. Just take care of his wounds."

 

Gesturing her inside, she knelt down by David´s side, immediately remembering how she had encountered him for the first time, following Vivianna Sedai down here. It had been years ago and no one had believed David would last that long, but Faile had kept visiting him regularly until now and the investered wounds covering his body looked worse than before. Self-inflicted, she thought They are rotting alive, even gentled they do... She already knew what to expect and still each time she went here it took her a lot of self-control not to falter and break out in tears with all that misery and hopelessness alround her. She wished there was another way to help them, but as it was now, there was nothing but to care for his wounds.

 

"Hello David", she said softly, although she knew the man had been delirious for days now. His time drew near, but it wasn´t done yet. Not yet. "I´ve brought you a visitor. Saline will help me take care of you. Hold still, it´ll be over soon." She talked to him like a child and so much like a child they all were, helpless and in need of protection. And yet she felt, she knew that David was beyond all help already. Not long anymore

[Lih-Lyh]

From experience if somebody told her not to be scared it was time to start running as fast as legs could carry. Past time, really. But Saline only slumped as she walked after the Accepted.

 

Faile... Falcon. How appropriate that she had grabbed hold of such a prey. They had startled two Tower servants behind a statue.

 

This must be where she stabs me, she joked as they descended, the livery disappearing. Huh. She wondered if the servants have their own rooms to go to. Did they sleep in cupboards sequestered in the Tower or was it only a day-job?

 

The Accepted whispered to her, her face grave. Armed with her bottles she watched the other approach the ... man. The gravity of the situation hit her; she gulped.

 

"Why is he... can he...?" She struggled to get the question out.

 

Raising his head the man looked at her, to remind her of her rudeness. As if she could have forgotten his presence. Cotton scratched her throat.

 

"Hold still," Faile snapped, nerves on edge "help me child come closer."

 

Cold pale eyes - too bright - froze her.

 

Snap out of it, lass. She stepped closer, all too conscious of how her dress rustled. Swoosch. Swoosch. Great scots, he's bleeding! Then another baby step.

 

Shivering, Saline took his hand. He was warm. Too warm... Clammy.

[Guest Faile1987]

~Faile~

 

Something was wrong. She noticed it immediately, even before she actually touched David´s flesh. He was warm. Hot. Radiating heat she had been able to feel him burn when she had merely bent down close to him to examine the damage that his madness and the loss of Saidin had done to him again. His sanity had been gone long since. Some had though him mentally dead a while ago. His sanity was lost, only a dim aftermath of it still glowin inside him as too weak fingers, burning fingers grasped hers almost hesitantly, tenderly.

 

He´s dying,she realized and heaved a deep sigh. Thank the Light for finally ending his ordeal. It has been long enough.

 

"Aeris...", his dry lips split as he was talking, but Faile knew better than to make him stop. Aeris. she had heard that name many times before. He used to call her by it in his lost moments and only recently she had found out that it had been the girl he had once been married to. The very girl he had killed in his mad rage, before he had tried to kill himself and the Tower had got hold of him. "...she always used to dance for me...will you...will you dance for me again? Over there? ...Faile?"

 

"He´s delirious",she whispered to the Novice, sure that David wouldn´t be able to hear her. He had already gone too far away in a word that was far away from this dark, moist prison cell. "Don´t be afraid. He won´t harm you. His tale is a gruesome one and unfortunately it didn´t end with his gentling, nearly none of them does."

 

"It´ll be over soon, David. You´ll be fine", she told him, trying to make him drink, telling Saline to help her keep him upright as he nearly fell on the girl. "Careful, he´s heavy. Here, take that", she said, taking the place of the Novice as she handed her the bottle, indicating her to help him get some liquid though his eyes had shut down in some bottomless emptiness again. "Lean against me. It´s all well. All well." His heartbeat slowed down until his breathing suddenly stopped. It was an almost peaceful sight. So peaceful that it made a tear roll down Faile´s cheek as she gently laid him down, whispering: "The last embrace of the Mother welcome you home. The Light be with you, David De´Moran."

[Lih-Lyh]

In the despot she barely supressed any screams. Bootless cries in those dungeons. It was not easy to stop the surmounting terror, but the Accepted gave her hope. She could not afford to hope though Faile was working quicker, perhaps ((was it self-comfort?)) more serenely.

 

She wished David would stop talking. His hand clenched hers, but her other went to the pouch where she kept the handkerchief.

 

"will you...will you dance for me again? Over there?"

 

Oh lord, her breath caught. How he loved to dance; it had been in his blood. Then he could not. Not being able to move his feet was more painful than the disease. Oh lord oh lord oh lord oh lord -

 

Faile was speaking but she could not make out what she was saying. Another voice: Do not cry. I will die if you do, love.

 

She thought she had put it all behind her, the Caravan, and his voice.

 

Voices in my mind. Focus, focus on David.

 

He stopped talking. The Accepted bent her head over him in blessings, murmurring the rite. Oppression proved too much for her.

 

"I... cannot!" She wailed, and her legs carried her.

 

Tears fall as she ran, dotting the handkerchief he made her. Home! She barged in on Rosetta and Syara working together, she was sorry to have wreaked the study-space, even sorrier that they had to witness her composure shattered, but she could not be bothered to explain. Saline was too busy going mad. Syara's startled face. The chattering stopped, as her bosom friend turned. Locking herself in the bedroom, Saline grieved, rejecting Syara's hug.

 

The wheel weaves on, apathetic.

 

Voices reached her in the dark. Tense. Bickering. "Ah no, she was just shocked." What could have pervaded this sanctuary? Blinking, her eyes adjusted. Faile's sharp eyes noted her ((was it judging?)) but Syara had her back to Saline, and did not hear the creak.

 

Syara was Furious, truly enraged that somebody dared hurt her mate; Rosetta was nowhere to be seen, and little wonder, for the other Novice looked the bringer of storms himself. "If you bullied her, Accepted or no..."

 

"I'm alright, dear." Her voice cracked, but it could not be helped. "Sorry you had to see that. I must have been fright."

 

Tear-trekked, but not broken. Not yet. Squaring her shoulders she said to the Accepted, "It was just the stress on top of everything else. I'm fine."

 

I'm fine.

[Guest Faile1987]

~Faile~

 

"I used to be a good dancer once."

 

Muffle words, uttered in one of these moments of complete loss of any kind of sanity followed her steps that carried her away from the cell where she had left David behind lying alone once more, only surrounded by the cold grip of death. She could only hope for him to find something better than what he had suffered when still alive beyond there. Whereever he had gone. Her time to help and comfort him was up. She hoped he´d find Aeris again. Souls didn´t grudge nor kill or go mad. Somehow that thought comforted her.

 

Tell my Danian that I´m well and keep an eye on him, she thought idly, almost laughing about herself. Well, it was a comforting thought. And if it was true...

 

She shook her head, concentrating on matters ahead. Following Saline who had run away so rapidly, she nearly crashed into two other Novices who looked at her furiously, apparently having seen Saline run past. Reassuring them with a few quick words she didn´t even pause to reprimand the one who had spoken to her rather disrespectfully and tell her how to behave in front of an Accepted. The bonds of friendship...Well whatever grief the girl might suffer that had reemerged with David´s death, Faile hoped her friends were as good in comforting the girl as Aithne and Tiegan had been in comforting her on losing Danian.

 

Finally having reached the girl, her shame and effort to keep her away and deal with her grief alone was apparent. "I´m sorry that it had to end this way, Saline. He´s at some better place now. It was a relief." She paused. It had been a relief indeed and yet she did grief for him, for the loss of a protegé that had followed her through the years, her visits having become regular as she had attached herself more and more to the care for him and his poor fellows.

 

Something told her that David´s death wasn´t the actual cause of this one´s grief and she knew what it meant to mourn and not to talk about. It killed you inside. "If you want to talk about what moved you so much, I´m here", she said, looking at the Novice warmly, sitting next to her as she took a glimpse out of the window and a shadow passed across her face when she spotted Trainees practising in the Yard.

 

Danian...

[Lih-Lyh]

After summoning the words to comfort Syara, Saline was left alone with the Accepted. She stared out the window, this time hearing the words that came.

 

No quirky smile. No witty repartee. At the last he was bones. It was bones.

 

"I swear there was a person inside him." She stammered, "he could not be destroyed, though it was eating him away."

 

Bones. All that was left were eyes. The kindness in his eyes, the truth, peaceful reproach at her anger. Suddenly she needed to talk, and nothing was stopping her.

 

((Pity?!))

 

This time her anger was directed at herself. "I apologise for running away. You had not given me leave." She bowed her head. "I will accept my penance."

 

OOC: Congratulations O Magistra!