Letter from Eli

[Sherper]

The oil in the lamps burned low and the tiny white room that had been her quarters for the past eight years held an oppressive air tonight. Ellisha Falwein dipped her feather quilted pen into the ink bottle and paused, as it hovered over the blank piece of parchment set out in front on her writing desk.  How was she going to do this?

 

Dear Father, she began then stopped, again contemplating on how she was going to approach doing this. There was so much she wanted to put down on paper – yet at the same time – so much she wanted left unspoken.

 

 Much has happened to me here in the Tower since I last wrote to you. That had been what.. Six months ago? Indeed much has happened in the past six months, least of all what happened last night. Yesterday, the Mistress of Novices came down and informed me I will be tested to become Accepted.

 

Valeri Sedai strode into the Tower library, where upon seeing Ellisha; who was lost in an aged tome of Tower history, came over and ordered the brown haired Novice to accompany her somewhere. When Ellisha pressed what the purpose of this trip was, the woman’s reply had sent her into a fit of shock and surprise. “It is time you are tested.” The woman had said, not a twist of emotion on that smooth ageless face. “To become Accepted.”

 

I refused the testing, though this may only happen twice more before I am forever turned away from the Tower.

 

The Mistress of Novices led her deeper down the level of the Tower – deeper than the actual White Tower itself she estimated.  Through a forever spiralling stand of staircases, that led far beneath where she had dared go before. Occasional stand lamps and torches were placed along the side of the wall, but if anything, it only highlighted the shadows and the impending gloom that hung in the air. Ellisha had not expected to be tested so soon. She had stayed in the Tower for eight years – true, but most Novices were only tested for Accepted after they reached their tenth year. There have been instances in the past where women of immense strength and talent were raised sooner, but Ellisha had never considered herself to be one of those in that category. On and on that staircase stretched, until she felt that the length of the basements could rival that of the Tower above.  

 

The two came to a stop in front of a large doorway. Ellisha had stopped counting the number of stairs when she reached seven hundred and fifty.  The gigantic double wooden doors were swung open as she stepped inside. The large dome-like room she entered was large and spacious, yet it was dominated by a single object of immense grandeur and power at its centre. Three rings faced the doorway, one towards each skyward direction – yet all were connected at the base to create a shape like a wing shaped fan. The silvery white Ter’angreal hummed softly as three sisters, all wearing the shawls of their Ajahs, sat at the base of each ring.

 

“Two things that no woman hears until she enters this room. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, no matter your potential and you will be very kindly put out of the Tower.” Valeri’s voice had floated across to her as she stared into those three magnificent rings. “To seek, to strive, is to know danger.”

 

She dipped her pen back into the ink jar as she realised it had dried up in the moment it had taken her to think.  
In truth, I wish this letter to never reach you. If you are reading this, it would probably mean I can no longer return.

 

The Ter’angreal was made to test all initiates of the White Tower who wished to continue and become Aes Sedai.  The three rings were in fact portals to another world. A world – or three worlds – that represented a woman’s past, present and some even boldly stated – the future. “You will know danger here. Some women have entered, and never came out.” Valeri had said. “When the Ter’angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they were not there, and were never seen again.”

 

People died in there – or something close to dying. The test to become Accepted was unlike anything she had done before in the Tower. For however difficult her life had been, she had never been in any real danger. What was even more unsettling was the fact that even the Aes Sedai knew very little about what really goes on inside those portals – evident, from the books written on this specific topic alone. Were they mere illusions, designed to bring out the personal fear of each woman that steps inside them? Or were they really real?

 

Could it be that the women that stepped inside those rings and never came out – were still trapped inside the nightmare the Ter’angreal had created for them? Such thoughts ran wildly through her head as she continued to stare at both the room, the Aes Sedai sitting down on the floor, and of course – The triple arch ways that loomed across her.

 

“This is your last chance, child. You may turn back now, and you will have only one mark against you. Twice more will you be allowed to come here, and only at the third refusal will you be put out of the Tower.”

 

She had stared at the arches, stared until she was beginning to feel impatience seeping from the woman beside her. She had made her decision however; there were things that needed to be attended to first.

 

“I refuse to enter this day, Valeri Sedai. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologise, child.” The woman said as she carried Ellisha out of the room. “It is no shame to refuse. Many cannot do it their first time.” The Ter’angreal behind her, slowly whirling to a halt as the women beneath each arch released their weaves of spirit which held the portals open. Ellisha wasn’t afraid – not really. It was something she had to do sooner or later. She just needed time to sort through a few things first.

 

I do not have long to do this as I will soon embark on a journey where there might be no return. Even if I do come back in the flesh, I fear father – that I might not be the same woman that entered it. She paused, dipping the pen in the ink before continuing. The candle beside her was growing faint, having been left burning for the majority of the night, but she thought it would last her until the end of the letter. Yet I wanted to write this, even if this may never reach you, perhaps both as a goodbye, and – for the last time – as your ship daughter. You have been so good to me over the years and as a daughter, I could not have wished more from a man to shown the degree of compassion and love you bestowed upon me. I am proud to be called your daughter and know this, for whatever happens – your little Eli will continue to live on. Give my condolences to mother, and say I’m sorry I never got the hang of doing the needlework she wanted.
I hope everyone is doing well.

 

-Eli.

 

She signed it with those three simple letters; her nicknames from when she had still been still a little girl trying to run away from mother to try jump aboard her father’s trading vessel. She used to hate her father and brothers calling her that, as it made her feel so small and childish.  Yet now it left a glow of affection and warmth as she sanded the paper and smiled. Sometimes, she longed to be that sweet innocent girl again.

 

Rolling the parchment up, she poured hot white wax onto it and used the end of the candle stand to seal it. “Three days.” That was what she had said to Valeri as they had made their way back up to the Tower. Three days to sort out whatever it is she needed sorting out. Of course, the Mistress of Novices could refuse to comply with her request; instead making Ellisha wait a week, a month, or even an entire year before she was called to be tested again. Yet for some reason she trusted the dark haired woman who called herself the Mistress of Novices. It was her, who over the past eight years had seen her beaten, strapped and punished for her insubordination, rudeness and the long line of mischief she had caused in the Tower. Ellisha chuckled at the memory. So foolish and so simple.  

 

She would entrust the letter to the care of Venca, with instructions that in the event she did not return, then the letter was to be sent out to her parents. She had also written a will that was also to be opened in the event of that Ter’Angreals were allowed to grow silent. It stated that her coins were to be evenly split between her two friends, with pieces of her personal possession given to each of them specifically. Ellisha had seen Venca eyeing her comb more than once in their time together, so the woman was to get that. Aril had always complimented the simple set of silver ear rings Ellisha had kept in her jewellery box and hardly ever wore, so the girl was to get that. She thought the ear rings would suit the fiery red hair. Yes, it would fit her nicely.

 

Ellisha quietly opened the door to the hallway outside and crept towards Venca’s door which was directly next to hers. She gently placed the rolled up letter beside the bed stand of Venca’s room, the woman herself was sleeping as peacefully as a child. Ellisha smiled.
“Good bye, my old friend. Hopefully not for the last time.”
She softly closed the door behind her. Valeri would likely fetch her, first thing in the morning, if Ellisha had guessed correctly.  For now, all she had to do was wait.  

 

It was probably too much to be expecting her to sleep however, so instead she took out another stick of candle from the desk drawers and lit it with a small weave of fire. Her box of strikers lay pitifully empty, so she made the small exemption for herself this time. From her leather satchel, she produced a book which she had borrowed – be it reluctantly – from one of the brown sisters in the Tower library. Reading always helped calm her nerves, and she sure needed it tonight.

 

 

~Ellisha Falwein
Novice of the White Tower.