A glimmer of hope [attn. Aramina]

[TaeaDawn]

Another moment when Aramina wished some other Aes Sedai had been sent to deal with Kandor. While Rosheen dug graves, Aramina was stuck with grieiving women and children. She wasn't well adapted to such forms of comfort, though she could say things by rote that other's took as sincere.

 

Still, but the time dusk began to fall Aramina had fed the women and with the help of warm tea and a little alcohol, Aramina had seen them all settled into sleep. An occassional sniffle was all she heard as she sat by the fire, trying to relax but knowing that she couldn't really. When Rosheen came back in she'd feel better, she knew. Knowing that Rosheen was out there on her own bothered Aramina more than she wanted to admit. She poked at the fire irritably and the stirred the stew that she had going so that it woudn't burn before Rosheen came in. Digging had to make the woman hungry, especially as they hadn't eaten since before the attack.

 

She heard the sounds of approach outside and Aramina opened herself to Saidar just in case it wasn't the woman she expected. As the door opened she let out a deep breath. Rosheen was safe, though she wasn't exactly looking happy about what had just been done and Aramina didn't blame her.

 

There was a tub in a back room and Aramina though of it as Rosheen looked at her. "There is stew on the hearth and a tub in the back I can have filled with hot water before you could strip. Which would you prefer first?" She asked.

 

She gave the woman a small smile, hoping to let her know that she at least had an ally. The fact that Rosheen was Aran's friend was enough to make her take care of the woman, but there were some experiences you went through that bound you closer than others could understand. She'd never understood that until she'd done into her first battle. Watching Rosheen Tahn Sakhr, she wondered how this battle had changed her from the woman who had watched her promised fall through a gapping hole in the White Tower.

 

[silhouette]

The muscles in her arms seemed to burn as she dug the graves of the two men that had lost their lived to the trollocs. One young, one old. Both pointless losses. So much rage and hunger… what could be done against it? “They could have sent people who knew what they were doing, instead of some… Aes Sedai who thinks she can just go and charge off at a raiding party with a katana.” The mohawked tower guard muttered, before shaking her head and smiling. “And some Tower Guard who talks to the dead and expects them to answer. What a pair we are.” The graves were six foot deep, and wide enough to fin a well-built Kandori man. With some luck, they’d be too deep for trollocs to come and violate them.

 

She hoisted the bodies in, regretting the lack of ceremony. The lack of family there. Then again, everyone died alone, that much was clear to her. She regretted not having the time to grant the family a proper farewell though. Rosheen stared down on the two graves for a moment, before spreading her arms slightly, opening her hands, letting her palms point at the sky. “May the Light shine upon you, may the creator hold you in the palm of His hand, the last embrace of the Mother welcome you home.” It felt hollow. Just words, with little meaning coming from her. She hadn’t been there on time to save them, and she’d never known them. Still she hoped that they would be greeted by their ancestors and loved ones on the other side, where there was no war. With a sigh she went to work, covering the bodies with dirt until two small mounds were the only sign that two brave souls had lost their lives that day.

 

It was dark when she walked into the house. A few shifts and sighs betrayed the presence of the family, or what was left of it, sleeping in one of the rooms. Aramina Sedai was sitting by the kitchen table, looking at her as she walked into the house. At the mentioning of food, Rosheen’s stomach grumbled. “I guess that answers your question.” She said, smiling slightly. She settled with a bowl of stew in front of her, eating silently. The eyes of the Aes Sedai were on her, but that was something she was used to by now. She realised she’d spent more time on the graves than really necessary, mostly to avoid the talk that she and Aramina would have to have.

 

Finally she cleared her throat, and looked at Aramina. “I noticed that you charged off at those trollocs rather… rashly. If we are to travel together much longer, that will have to change.” Somehow she doubted that Aramina would feel obliged to listen to a common Tower Guard, but at least Rosheen could say she told her so if it happened again, and things went wrong. Eventually, things like these were bound to go wrong. “I cannot defend you if you charge of into battle like that. Aes Sedai are as vulnerable to swords and arrows as any other human being, and perhaps even more. It is my duty to protect all Aes Sedai, but I can’t do so if you won’t let me.”

 

~Rosheen Tahn Sakhr

Grand Master

[TaeaDawn]

"Rashly?" Aramina asked as she watched the Tower Guard before her. She had been called many things in her long life, but rash had never been one of them. Not even as a child had she been the sort to do rash things. That anyone saw of course. There were advantages to travelling alone and Aramina had always been very good at sneaking away from the Tower unnoticed. Of course going into enemy territory unguarded was stupid and she had taken a single Tower Guard with her on this trip, only supplemented with a guide as they had needed it. That was, perhaps, rash, but Aramina had been after speed and a quiet unnoticed travel through Kandor. A large guard contingency would have been noticed and been engaged.

 

At least, that was her rational and she was sticking to it. The Mother might not like it, nor the Tower, but it was really Aran she was rationalizing this all for. She could take her penance for disobedience to the Tower, but Aran would most definitely make her life hard if he chose to. Like following her around as a shadow as he had when they first met to make sure she wasn't meeting contacts alone anymore.

 

She sighed as she listened to the Tower Guard and had to concede a certain point. She had put the family and the Tower Guard in danger by dividing Rosheen's attention. Torn between defending a family and an Aes Sedai, the Tower Guard would be less effective. Perhaps this was a conversation they should have had before leaving the safety of the walls in the last Town, but Aramina had never thought it might be a problem. A Tower Guard's duty was to protect, but protect who? It was bad timing to ask that after the first battle, but Aramina tried to learn from her mistakes and she woudn't wait until after the second battle to clarify some things.

 

"I understand your training as a Tower Guard is to protect an Aes Sedai." That seemed a neutral enough beginning. "but you must understand that I am but a servant of these people and I must do what I can to defend them. A Trolloc's blade can take you as easily as me and yet I go into battle knowingly. I am not a new sister, and not some Brown who has no knowledge of such things. I am a Battle Sister and this is not the first I have seen. I regret that I was a distraction to you in this fight and it was something I should have foreseen, but I will never back down from a fight like that. I am, however, amendable to working with you and finding a means with which we will both be satisfied."

 

[silhouette]

The bowl she had just emptied made a little screeching sound on the table as Rosheen pushed it away rather harshly. Aes Sedai. The first sensible one still had to be born as far as she was concerned. They all seemed fine, until you got into a crisis situation. Another screech echoed through the kitchen as Rosheen pushed back her chair, and got up from the table. She walked to the window, keeping her back to Aramina. She might not be able to keep her emotions from her face, but at least she could keep Aramina from seeing her every thought displayed. She took a moment to calm herself, before returning to the Aes Sedai.

 

“Forgive my… rudeness, Aes Sedai, but you are useless when you’re dead.” That was a decent way to start a conversation like this, she supposed. “You couldn’t have healed that family if you had been killed by a trolloc, because you do not back down. You couldn’t have healed all those people in the village where we met, if you had been killed because you do not back down from a fight. Ages of training and ages of learning, and I have yet to meet the first Aes Sedai who will think before she endangers her own life.”

 

“If you are dead, Aes Sedai, then no one will report to the White Tower, and tell them what we have seen. For if you are dead, then I am dead as well. If you are dead, then that family is dead.” She pointed towards the room where the women were sleeping. “If you had died today, then you would have died a pointless death, and I will not let that happen. Tie me up and send me back to the Tower for all I care, but until you do that, you will not just be amendable in finding means for us to work together. You will let me fight for you. You will let me protect you, so that you can protect these people, and all people. You will let me die for you, if my death means that you live. Your life is worth the death of thousands, because your life is the kind that makes a difference in Tarmon Gaidon.”

 

She shook her head slightly, looking at the floor. “Lyanna never backed down from a fight either. You know what that got her? It got her torn in half by a deranged dreadlord. Thousands of Tower Guards were willing to die in her stead. Dozens of Aes Sedai. Instead she wasted her life, because she had to be at the front of that battle. Because she wouldn’t back down.” It hurt to speak of Lyanna that way, but it was the cold and bitter truth that Rosheen had carried with her from the very moment she had lost the person she had lived for all those years. Aes Sedai were the centre of the Light, and they were dying, and they were losing, because women like Aramina wouldn’t let people fight for them.

 

~Rosheen Than Sakhr

Grandmaster

[TaeaDawn]

The angry rebuttal died on Aramina's lips as Rosheen mentioned Lyanna. She hadn't expected the woman to bring up the former Keeper. There were so many emotions that this woman displayed in front of her and Aramina was having a hard time reading it all. Pain, loss, sorrow, anger... all these things and yet an underlining determination to make a difference.

 

She could forgive the woman for walking away to compose herself, could forgive angry words, but there was something else there that she couldn't.

 

"A thousand Guards might have been willing to die for her, anySister in the Tower that day, any sister who witnessed the attack would have been willing to die for her that day. But a thousand guards would have died without her sacrafice and every Sister that survived that attack owes a debt of gratitude to those women. Do not throw aside their sacrafice so easily. Aes Sedai do not fight battles they know they can win. An Aes Sedai fights the battles she has to. We all hope we can find a miracle at the end of an impossible task, but none of us would count our lives as wasted if we were asked to make such a sacrafice."

 

She stopped then, realizing that she was touching on issues too close to herself. She had been in the Hall when the Amyrlin and Keeper had fallen through the ground. She still felt the shame at having failed to defend them, at having failed the Green Ajah and it's former sisters. She took a deep breath before continuing on. "I have no concern sending you into Battle when I think a single sword will work. When I fear that one blade will not be enough, I will continue to walk into battle with whatever weapons I have at my disposal. And until we part, you are one of them." She said as she stood. "I regret your loss as I regret the loss of the entire Tower, and I will take that into consideration as I think on your words, but I am no child to be told what to do. I was walking into Battle before you were born. I will take your words into consideration, but before you berate me again for my behavior, I suggest you remember who you are dealing with Tower Guard."

 

[silhouette]

To her surprise, Rosheen found herself laughing. That seemed to be her way of dealing with things she could not change as of late. When there was a choice between laughter, tears or rage, she would choose laughter. She turned to Aramina, who looked stern. Unmoveable. Aes Sedai-like. It failed to impress Rosheen, but she supposed that any Tower Guard with the experience she had would feel the same way. “I know exactly who and what you are, Aes Sedai.” A title indeed. A curse, from the sound of it. “You are a woman who is willing to get herself killed because she thinks she can save a family of three, instead of preserving her life for the greater purpose that it was meant for.”

 

She walked closer to Aramina, staring down on her. Anyone but an Aes Sedai would probably be intimidated when someone like Rosheen got this close, and looked that way. “Don’t ever assume that you know how I think or feel about Lyanna’s demise, and don’t ever judge me for trying to keep others from rushing down that path. You can choose your battles all you want, Aes Sedai, but choose them wisely. You only live once, and when it comes to dodging blades and arrows, Tower Guards best you at every given moment.”

 

When she turned to walk past Aramina and out of the door, her shoulders were slumped slightly. If only she’d thought to speak her mind to Lyanna the way she had done with Aramina. She realised that her speech came close enough to insubordination as it was, but maybe, just maybe Aramina would think before making sacrifices that she didn’t have to make. Perhaps she would spare Rosheen from seeing another Green sister die pointlessly. She turned and glanced back when she was at the door. “Lanfir Leah Marithsen always tried to remind us of one thing, Aramina Sedai. Tarmon Gaidon is coming, and when the last battle rages, the Light will need every Aes Sedai. We’re balancing on delicate scales, and while one Tower Guard or one family of three might not make the difference, one Aes Sedai can tip the balance in our favour.”

 

~Rosheen Tahn Sakhr

 

ooc: Rosheen is a liiiitle bit more upset than I thought she’d be. I say we give her another moment to cool down ;)

[TaeaDawn]

Aramina couldn't argue with anything Rosheen had said. Her own belief that the White Tower was the only hope of saving the world from the Shadow at the Last Battle was so ingrained that not a word of argument could be uttered. But she knew that she would do the same again if she had the same choices before her. The true heart of the matter was how to deal with this Tower Guard that she still needed. Rosheen Tahn Sakhr might be a Blademaster but Aramina hadn't spent enough time with her to trust to that just yet. Good with a blade was one thing, but Aramina needed to know if she could trust her judgement. More than one Tower Guard had died due to overconfidence and Aramina was willing to have to face the young man back in Tar Valon with such news just yet.

 

She decided not to rush out and confront the other woman. She needed her own time to think about the confrontation and what she could or couldn't do differently. Could she send the Tower Guard to her death if need be? Regardless of the young man and knowing Aran's connection to her? She could and would, she knew, if the price was worth the cost. She might say that Tower Guards weren't as important as an Aes Sedai, but a BladeMaster was just as rare, in Aramina's mind and there would have to be a good cause.

 

Thinking of it made her realize that the life of this family hadn't been worth the cost. It was always easier to think in those terms after the fact, or far away from within the Tower Walls. Watching the Trollocs among humans though set her blood to boil in the way that few things could and she had let her emotions dictate her actions. Rosheen was right about that. She should have stayed at a safe distance and let her handle any hand to hand that was needed. She could safely use weaves while well away from the heat of the battle.

 

Light, but sometimes she felt like she didn't understand her own thoughts. She knew her goals and had never flinched in sacrificing someone for it, so why now did she falter and three lives? Because there was no reason to let them die and she had never just stood by when there was no reason.

 

Aramina took a deep breath and closed her eyes, working novice exercises in her mind to regain her sense of balance. Rosheen was a woman of passion who showed it clearly. Aramina hid her passions deeply so that people never understand what they saw when she acted this way. She could count on her one hand the number of people who understood it about her in her entire life. It was a depressing thought really, that over 150 years had brought her less than a handful of people she could feel joy over, but it had been the pain that had sealed her. She could understand that pain in Rosheen and could understand her need to be in control of what happened right now.

 

In fact, she deserved it. Aramina was here to learn about the state of Kandor and Rosheen was far more accustomed to it at this point. She needed to trust Rosheen in this. It was hard for her to trust anyone, but Rosheen had the trust of someone she trusted with her life. She would trust.

 

She realized that she had left Rosheen alone for quite some time. She looked back at the family, still asleep, and decided it was time to try to talk to her again. She walked out of the house and took a minute to find the woman. When she did she approached quietly, hoping to take things slowly this time.

 

"Thank you." She said lightly. "For your concern about myself and any Sister."

 

[silhouette]

Rosheen heard Aramina exit the house, but she didn’t turn. Truth was that she was a little ashamed of herself. Through her entire tirade she hadn’t forgotten that Aramina was an Aes Sedai. It just seemed to matter very little at that time. Of course, now that she had had a chance to cool down, it mattered very much. not once in all the years she had known Lyanna had she talked to her in that way. In fact, the only time she had ever crossed the line with an Aes Sedai was when Estel Lioness came into the yards, and lashed out at Rosheen. And then used the one power on her. Darkfriend. Even if the Tower was not so quick to convict her, Rosheen was sure of it.

 

She bowed her head when Aramina offered her gratitude. “If I weren’t concerned I wouldn’t be much of a Tower Guard, Aes Sedai. Someof us may not be as respectful as the White Tower would like us to be, but you won’t find a single one that won’t lay down his or her life in order to protect the Tower and it’s inhabitants.” Truth be told, Rosheen didn’t know how warders did it sometimes. She had heard rumours of Aes Sedai putting a weave on their bondmates to keep them meek. Perhaps she should ask Aramina about that at some point, and advise her against it. A meek warder was absolutely useless in her eyes. Why would anyone want to dull a fine blade? Only Aes Sedai could come up with a seemingly valid reason for it. She didn’t even want to hear about it.

 

“I’m sorry for my outburst earlier. Some things are still a little too close to my heart for comfort. Light, when your horse reared and fell I was so sure that I had failed the White Tower again.” What would Sirayn Sedai think of her, if she managed to bring home the lifeless body of Aramina Sedai, instead of Aramina Sedai herself. What would Brand think? He’d probably take her out of the duty roster for the tower, until he was sure that she was once again capable of taking care of others as well as herself. She pushed those thoughts aside, deciding that they were pointless. She was going to keep Aramina alive at all costs. “So why did Sirayn Sedai send you?” she asked, still staring into the night, looking for a hint of movement that would betray an attack.

 

~Rosheen Tahn Sakhr

[TaeaDawn]

Aramina took a deep breath as she watched Rosheen, still scanning the area for trouble. "I would that I knew that answer." Aramina said with a small smile. "I know that she wanted to know the true state of Kandor, wanted another set of eyes to witness it's destruction. Perhaps with the report or a Tower Guard and an Aes Sedai she will be able to set things in motion that she couldn't with just one of us." She said. "I am glad that she sent me though. I will never love battle like some of my sisters, but I do my best to prepare for it when it comes. But I have never fared well at staying out of trouble when the world was in upheaval."

 

Aramina took a deep breath as she quietly smoothed her skirts. "I hold hope for Kandor. If you don't mind my asking, how is it that you came to be here as well? Were you sent by Sirayn Sedai? Or simply on the way already?"

 

[silhouette]

Though she didn’t realise it, Rosheen had spent the past few minutes staring in the direction where the sun would first peek over the horizon. A moment she both longed for and dreaded at the same time. Light meant relative safety from the trollocs. If they stayed in the open, they would at least see them coming on time. Light also meant dealing with the grief of the family that now rested inside the farmstead, and dealing with all the other horrors caused by the trollocs while she and Aramina Sedai stayed with the family. She shook her head slightly, trying to get rid of the gloomy thoughts. There was no point in worrying now.

 

Instead she focussed on Aramina’s voice, admiring the way the other woman could sound calm and collected even though she had just been yelled at by an impertinent Tower Guard, and almost killed by a trolloc a few hours before that. “Sirayn Sedai needed someone to go to Kandor to see what the situation was like after the fall of Chachin. I needed to be away from the White Tower and Tar Valon for a while. I suppose her needs and mine matched at the right time.”

 

She shook her head, smiling slightly. “I miss it sometimes.” She said out of the blue. “Tar Valon, I mean. It’s funny, because I never stayed in one place when I was younger. Even as a Tower Guard I travelled a lot. Lyanna… the Keeper always had some place that she needed someone she could trust to go to, to handle matters for her there while she remained in Tar Valon. And yet despite all that travelling, it became home. How odd is that?”

 

~Rosheen Tahn Sakhr

[TaeaDawn]

Aramina smiled slightly and nodded in response. "Tar Valon seems to do that to people. I grew up in Cairhein but it was never home really. Even when I left it at 19 I wasn't at home there. Tar Valon was more like home as soon as I stepped onto it's crowded streets." She gave a small laugh. "I suppose even if I had remained a bar maid I would have continued to consider Tar Valon home, but I was destined for the Tower and it is within her walls I call home now."

 

She didn't mention the people that were as much a part of home as the place. The memories of Natalie and Michael, her Sisters, Sirayn and Aran, the people who had made their impression long and deep on her soul. She looked at the woman beside her and wondered what sort of impression she would leave. She felt close to her no matter their brief acquaintance. It had nothing to do with Aran or with the former Keeper. It was something of the time they had spent so far, the shared battles and the almost certain promise of future fights.

 

"We will make it back soon. We will see this thing done first though and we will see these people as safe from the shadow as we can make them." She said, hoping against the fears in her heart that she could make them so.

 

Aramina