The Base of Reason

[tismeb4u]

Pale crimson shades of light bathed the western horizon in the starting caress of dusk and a closing to another tour on the wall. Subconsciously Corin's fingers traced the seams in the stone abutments of the wall's walk as he gazed out over the city and the glistening river beyond. The dancing light on the water normally brought such calming sereneness on him; allowed him a brief reprieve from the life he now lived. But it's effect did not take; hadn't for many a time now since the separation. Now worry and need dominated his thoughts over the out come of that visit in the country. It's drive occupying his every moment and bringing forth steps he had taken that would not otherwise have been considered. The least being the changing of shifts and responsibilities on a now constant basis with others of his order.

 

The parchment in his opposite hand tapped lightly on the rock wall, his mind still calculating why the, invitation, as it had been put was sent to him. He was sure it was more of an order then a true invitation to be declined. Any request from the Commander would be considered an order less the individual wanted to see the darker side of the man. But why him? Why now? Had he left to many flags up and aroused the eye of his superiors? If so how could he hope to wiggle free of this without further damage to her? He had brought enough pain and disgrace to the one who had taught him so much of this world he had never been privy to before. She had been kind, if extremely strict, to offer him a chance at a wealth of knowledge not afforded to those of his up bringing and he had repaid her kindness in cruel bitter pain and disrepute.

 

A lark floated across his view swooping down between the roof tops on it's way back to it's mate most likely. The thought sent a sharp pain through his heart, accusations redoubling in his mind. No longer was there a simple trust broken by his hand, but a second circle worked it's influence. Again, brought to life through his own foolish weakness and false belief in a skill he thought himself stronger then it appeared. A knitters knotted pile of yarn was what he had succeeded in turning his once promising career into. With all the knowledge and cunning she had nurtured in him and prune to strength he was not sure how to pick himself free of the tangled thorn bush he now found himself in.

 

But the Creator was not finished with his convoluted life there; no that would be too easy a price. There was still the matter of his trainees. They also could be the reason for this invitation. Three he held or had held influence over during their time in the yard. His newest who had scarcely been here long enough to know the location of the barracks little own have trouble find him was the least likely cause. The other two had been through various levels of problems, one more so then the other. Shawn at least had gained the red cloak of the guard and made a way for himself. This even after Corin was foolish enough in his personal desire to drag him in above his head against a Heron marked blade. He had been under the impression that the issue had been settled in the resulting meetings with the Mistress of trainees. Who as it turns out has more backbone and bite then any woman in control of steel he had met. She was one he did try to stay in favor with after that and still failed miserably. Shawn had been such a dream to train compared to the middle disaster.

 

Dorian almost held true to the middle child syndrome of a family. Corin was quickly learning that if there was trouble anywhere in the vicinity then Dorian was sure to be a part of it. The boy was trying on almost every level and stretched Corin's patience and calmness to it's breaking point far to often for his liking. Dorian had ensured Corin gained added respect for the Mistress of Trainees and the Mistress of Novices through the gracious invitations that had been extended on several occasions. Indeed it would not surprise Corin to find that this meeting with the Commander would be a lesson in responsibility for those charges placed in his care. Frustration and anger swirled like an impending thunderstorm inside him; the urge to punch something almost overwhelming as his foot kicked the abutment. The resulting dull twinge of pain aiding to clear his mind and bring focus back to the parchment gripped tightly in his hand.

 

It was all her fault; she had caused all of this to happen. Sent him away to watch and protect from the shadows; to require a greater deal of focus and work in his life at the expense of all. She had given a great gift to him, his mind able to work and twist things in logic to support his case. To lay the ruin of his life and his career at her feet. But what she had not been able to remove was his heart. It stilled the thoughts and softened the logic. Through his weak and tender heart he knew the blame was not hers; he was not a mindless robot and in the end it was his actions he needed to take responsibility for. She had the unnatural ability to remove emotion, every single scrap of it, be complete devoid of any feeling but cold calculating logic. How nice that trait would be in so many situations, but it was no way to live life. Silently he pitied her to a degree, the belief that emotion could never been shown; never felt. What had happened in her past to create such cold and isolated walls in her?

 

Startlement raced though him though he kept it nearly unnoticeable on the outside as the voice of the relieving guard spoke a welcome. “Indeed a calm and quiet watch it has been, though I fear my evening will not be so.†He looked back to the parchment once more before turning to face the other guard, “Seems I have a missive and audience with the Commander. Want to trade?†A sarcastic smile sat smugly on his face as he waved the letter in his hand. But the other was quick to deny the change and after the usual exchange of watch information Corin wished her well and departed for his meeting.

 

Time seem to accelerate as Corin made his way down from the wall and across the yard to the Commanders office. Trepidation and worry hedged his thoughts as he glanced from the door before him to the letter in his hand once more. There were so many possible reasons for his requested presence and he was no closer now then when he first received it at mid watch. Which reason had brought him to the man's office and for what purpose? Guilt offered many solutions but several of those should not be know, even some of the ones that were should only be know to a select few. Concentrating Corin steeled his mind and sought a calmness for the visit; adjusted the cloak on his shoulders to ensure the clasp sat correctly and his presence was picture perfect. There was only one true way to know what this meeting would hold and that was on the other side of the door. Firmly he knocked and waited for the man's call.

 

 

edited to change from MaA to Commander

[silhouette]

Ah, the end of another day. Pushing the stack of paperwork away, Brand sighed contently. His days as Commander were long, and he’d say they were harder than his days had been when he was just a captain. If there was such a thing as ‘just a captain’. He doubted it. Every raise in rank brought a raise in responsibility as well, and as a captain he’d felt responsible for a score of Tower Guards. Now that he was Commander, he felt the same responsibility towards every single Tower Guard, even the captains he had worked with as equals before. It was a part of his strength as a Commander. Bryon was not as good with people as he was, but the man was a lot better at devising strategies that weren’t from the book. Brand had always been more of a motivator than a tactician. Then again, a good motivator always made sure he had people to strategise for him.

 

There was enough talent in that area amongst the younger Tower Guards as well. One particularly talented young fellow had been on Brand’s mind from time to time. Not because he was causing trouble… no, nothing like that. Very little trouble from this one. It just seemed as though Corin Danveer was not as dedicated to his job as he used to be. And dedication was a must, in Brand’s eyes. Any man or woman with the smallest issue about giving their all for the White Tower was potentially a disaster waiting the happen. Usually Ginae weeded out those disasters before they attained the red cloak, or they were sorted out by their captains and lieutenants. Only the rare and complicated case found it’s way into Brand’s attention. He opened the file in front of him, looking over Corin’s records one more time. A near flawless time as a trainee. Some missions when he was promoted. A good trainer, if Ginae’s notes were anything to go by. And yet there was something off. It wasn’t written anywhere in the file, but Brand still felt it, staring at him from between the lines.

 

Ginae had added some notes about the trainees that were under Corin’s wing. Anwashawn was turning out to be a dedicated Tower Guard himself. Dorian was a trouble maker. Brand smiled at that. He’d had a lot of siblings back in Kandor, and he always saw character traits of his siblings in the reports about trainees. There was nothing but a name on his latest trainee yet, but Brand had faith in Corin’s skills as a trainer. That weren’t the things that worried him. To Brand there were only a few types of Tower Guards and Warders. The ones that perpetually caused trouble, and the ones that didn’t. The ones that didn’t got into trouble every now and then, but it wasn’t something structural. Corin was one of those. Rarely got into trouble. Was always kind and civil to people. Liked a drink with his fellow Tower Guards, but didn’t get wasted every night. Was hardly ever late on his post, and rarely shirked his duty.

 

In every other file, the small incidents would have gone by unnoticed. In this file they stood out like an apple in a basket of pears. Corin had arrived late on several occasions. Corin requested shift changes at the last moment. Corin just didn’t seem as motivated as he had been in the past. And that worried Brand. A man of Corin’s age and talent shouldn’t show such signs. There could be several explanations for such behaviour, of course, but Brand wasn’t one to guess. No, he would rather hear the full story from Corin himself. He closed the file when he heard a knock on his door. “Enter.†He said. Not friendly, but not stern either. “Take a seat, Corin.†He said, pointing at the seat on the other side of his desk. He folded his hands on the desk in front of him. “Do you know why you’re here?†that was always the best place to start. If he did know, the conversation would probably be short.

 

~Brand Ryota

Commander of the Guard

 

Ooc: bio hasn’t been posted anywhere yet… Brand is tall, athletic, and has short dark hair. He’s a friendly looking guy in general ;)

[tismeb4u]

A deep voice sanctioned his entrance from the other side, no heat a good sign to start. Stepping into the room Corin quickly offered Brand a salute before taking the chair indicated by the older man. Even sitting he was taller then Corin but unlike many others he had seen, mainly when he was young and tagged along with his father at the army barracks, he did not hold that distant, heavy authoritative look about him. Oh there was little doubt that Brand held command and the authority due his position. But the man also had an approachable aura about him that tend to put people at ease in his presence. At ease when one was not being dressed down or otherwise found himself facing a corrective action of certain magnitude. However even as approachable as the Commander was, it was Corin's own conscience that was setting his nerves on edge.

 

“No Commander Ryota. You have me at a loss, I'm afraid I do not know the reason behind your request of my presence.†Good, level and calm, no stray inflection or unwanted crack in his voice to deny his words. The silence that hung between them as Brand and Corin sat opposite each other in quiet contemplation lasted only a short moment before Corin could take it no more and filled the silence. “I mean ... well I perhaps have been late on a couple of occasions. But I did correct that action with the guards I was releaving on other shifts to ensure I made back the time. It was minor really, and it's not like it's a habit or anything†Stop it you fool, he bit down on his tongue to silence it once more. But the silence had already enacted it's goal. Corin was still learning the finer subtitles of how to use strategic silences to tip an already nervous mind over the edge and loosen the tongue. Proof positive in it's power as he sorted out what had cascaded from his mouth before he could silence himself.

 

At least the outburst held only a small portion of his internal fears, best not to offer up what is not known. He had gotten fairly good at holding his words around certain women, but he still needed work in the game when superiors of rank were involved. Part of his past he mused briefly, having grown up in a command structure, certain ideologies and trained responses were as much him as the flesh that covered his bones. It was a small but thankful miracle that neither of the two held a true position of command over him beyond situational or things may have become quite different already. Shifting slightly in the seat he continued to meet the man's gaze while his mind worked on methods and options for damage control. “If that is the reason behind the visit I assure you it has only been off chances and I have corrected the issues,†for the most part. His mind completing the unfinished sentence; displayed how unsure he was that it would not still be in his future.

[silhouette]

Brand pressed his fingers together, watching Corin as Corin tried to name the reason why he’d been called to this office. This was the part of his job he thought was the hardest. Tower Guards and Warders were only human, after all, despite their often near divine abilities in the discipline they fought and trained in. They were human, with human issues. Human emotions. And yet that was the problem here. Sure, none of the instances that had been reported to Corin had been lethal. On their own. Combined, they could very well have lead to disasters. What if he’d been late on the morning Tar Valon was attacked? What if… what if… No, these weren’t the situations Brand enjoyed at all.

 

“I’m not talking about those small incidents, Corin, and I think you know that.†Brand cleared his throat. Time for a serious heart to heart. “And I’m not saying that the big picture is all that bad either. Over the years you’ve proven yourself to be a very valuable asset to the White Tower, and to the Tower Guard. Whether you decide to bond or not, you will be able to make yourself very useful. We need sharp minds like yours. People with an eye for detail are rare. But the thing is…†he paused for a moment, thinking of ways to put what he wanted to say.

 

How did one say something like this? You’re slacking off? You have your head in the clouds half of the time, and the other half of the time you’re staring at the ground, moping. You’re distracted. Brand rather liked that last one. “You seem distracted. Not just on guard duty, but also during your training. It’s as if your mind isn’t on it all the time. And that won’t do. I won’t allow you to slack off. Unless you have some pressing reason as to why you’ve been distracted lately…†he allowed a silence to fall between them. Now was the time for Corin to talk about what had been bothering. Or to tell Brand that he could shove his guard duty some place dark. He wouldn’t be the first one to do so either.

 

~Brand Ryota

Commander

[tismeb4u]

Silence, emptiness with the weight of the world it's self sat brazen between them as the eyes of the two men lock in silent reasoning. Offers floated in Corin's mind, reasons for his present preoccupation. Some know, some unknown; several that could never be known. Quick with training he had received in the art of deception at her hand several viable and in a way truthful answers came bubbling up from those offers that floated. How easy it would be to lay the distraction at the feet of Dorian his most troublesome mentee. How a mentor's concern for the charge in his care way laid his thoughts at times. Concern could easily be bought as a reason for absentmindedness; the assassination attempt only added viable weight to the argument. But his father, the way he had been brought up; his very existence up to now.

 

Brilliant green eyes turned down slightly, glanced away from Brand's almost in shame. From a very young age he had been taught to respect command. All through his youth while at home his father had taught him of the sacrifices men made in the name of command; good command. Not every man was cut out to take such a position; responsibility was a steep hill and a slippery slope. Good men with a solid foundation of their job in a command position were rare and worthy of honesty and respect. His new found passion for Daes Dae'mar struggled inside with the strong sense to acquiesce to the position Brand held by right both through appointment and what Corin had learned and observed of the man.

 

Still other factors played here that were as deep as heritage including loyalty. When it came to her secrets and the agreements they had made he had to be irreprehensible to the letter; even should it mean disgrace to his family. But perhaps there was a way that he could manage both, she had taught him much, and not all was from her actual lessons. The way she carried and conducted herself had made an impact on him as well. What was not said was not a lie, it was simply an omission. What another's mind does with that omission or because of it had no bearing on the truth of the matter. The recollection almost caused the edge of his mouth to curl; she was a master at her game and a wonder to watch. So why was he so isolated and disesteemed in her eyes. It was a misunderstanding she had to see from his history, from the mess he had become that he had intended no harm; why did she not see that.

 

The sound of Brand clearing his throat again brought Corin back from his reverie, eyes snapping back up to meet the man. “I beg your pardon Commander Ryota, it's seems I can not deny the account you lay before me as we have just witnessed.†He shifted on his seat as he looked for the words to convey his wanting to belong, his need to remain in service but not reveal her secrets. “You are familiar with my mentee Dorian yes? The situation that came to light a little while back? I .... I am not sure I am doing right by him, he has potential I can see it in him. But ... but he does not take things as serious as I believe he should. The man was almost killed and still I struggle to ensure he knows the forms without hesitation,†his voice had been growing but now it dropped barely above a whisper. “Perhaps I am to hard on him, I just worry, I know I should not. Death is what awaits us all in the end, it is the partner we train to dance with. But I still worry about his while he remains in my care. I don't know why I can not be distant and hard like others who train the young ones.â€

 

It was not the whole picture, it was not even the part that took the majority of his mind. But it was truthful and accurate. Brand deserved that at least, he deserved more but somethings had to remain unspoken. The emotion and the worry were a great part of his present delema, but it's key holder in that regard was not a trainee or even a member of the guard, she was so much more and yet so much more fragile at the same time. Heritage teaching's still prodded his mind; feed the guilty feeling in his core. “That of course is not the whole reason, there is more but ...†how could he put it. Full disclosure was not an option, but neither was a lie. “I have a bit of a personal matter I am dealing with. I know that is no excuse and personal issues should never effect a soldier, or guards performance. Too many lives are at risk. All I can ask is that you give me a little more time to sort this out. My history speaks for itself, I am dedicated to the protection of the lives in this tower and would not willingly do anything to jeopardize that.†His head tipped down as eyes dropped to the table, his voice soft once more. “I can understand if you feel that is not enough, you are charged with the protection of all who call his place home. I am simple a tool in your array to accomplish that end. But I ask that you take a second look at the tool, it maybe slightly tarnished and scratched. But it is still strong and useful,†his eyes came up with a sparkling fire in them. “I am still useful.â€

 

How had a simple request of why he was distracted turn into all that his tongue had given life to? Why did he feel the need to justify himself to the man. He hadn't threatened to re leave him of duty and title, yet he had just defended himself as if he had.

[silhouette]

For a while Corin went on about his mentee. Brand was familiar with his story, of course, after hearing from it from Ginae. It was tragic, and most of all a waste of good trainee material. So naturally the other boy, Dorian, was still upset. Naturally he sought to distract himself. But that was a matter for Ginae to deal with, and Brand doubted she’d contact Corin about it. There was only so much a mentor could do, after all. Brand understood why Corin cared as much though. To have such a young man under your wing, and to see him get hurt, while there was nothing you could do about it… that was harsh. Brand understood that, he had a lot of younger, and older brothers after all.

 

Yet he also knew that that wasn’t the only reason why Corin was out of shape. It seemed like something had damaged the man in front of him. Something had made him feel unworthy of the title he held, and the job he did. What was that? Corin called it a personal matter, and while Brand really wanted to know more, he also felt that prying would only cause the man to close up even more. Perhaps if he got him very drunk… or maybe he should just hire the man some company for an evening. Some of his charges had found that experience therapeutic, back when Brand was still a Captain. But if it was love that had Corin down, then such a suggestion would only damage him further.

 

It was a tricky situation, only enhanced by the fact that Corin knew very well that he had been slacking off, but he seemed to be incapable of pulling himself back together again. A knock on the door distracted him from what he was about to say. “Enter.†He said, glancing at the door. Whoever it was, they should have a good reason for interrupting him, or they should bring a good peace offering. Brand could use some ale right about now.

 

There was a certain jauntiness Aran's gait as he made his way to Brand's office with a bottle in each hand and merriment in his eyes. A party was being thrown for, well, the sake of throwing a party and Brand was invited. Unlike previous Commanders of the Tower Guard, Brand was sociable and even capable of holding his liquor. The combination of which when a sense of humour was added resulted in fun every night Brand was there.

 

And of course, there was the fact that Brand had keys to every Tower Guard's room. Not that he made use of this power often, but on the odd occasion a door was opened with with a key instead of Aran's picks. The shenanigans that followed were usually in good taste. Those that weren't were quickly sorted out, but then, Brand had a good sense of humour as did Aran, so it always tended to work out.

 

Arriving before the office, Aran knocked on the big man's door and hearing a call to enter he helped himself inside to a surprise. Corin, Corin Danveer of all people was sitting with the Commander of the Tower Guard, Brand Ryota. Nudging the door closed behind him with one heel, Aran continued his jaunty little walk over to the desk with a grin on his face as wide as Ginae's arse.

 

"Hope I'm not interrupting, Commander." Aran nodded at him then turned to Corin. "Sexy." Winking at him, Aran then turned back to Brand and handed over one of the bottles. "We're drinking in the common room and your presence is required as always. You can come too Corin if you want." Grinning at the man, Aran turned and headed to the door. "And hurry up, half an hour at most."

 

Brand grinned at Aran as he walked in, and offered him a bottle of wine. Just what he needed. He also grinned at the exchange between Aran and Corin, which mostly involved Aran making fun of Corin, and Corin either ignoring it or taking it. That was the best way to deal with men like Aran. Or you had to give back as good as you got. “I’ll be there in a bit.†he said, sniggering as Aran sauntered out. “And stop shaking your butt at me, I’m not interested.†He took the cork of the bottle of wine between his teeth and wrenched, pulling it out and taking a swig right after.

 

Laughing, Aran opened the door before turning about. If Brand thought he was going to get one over him that easily he was sorely mistaken and it was then that Aran treated them to his more smokey accent as he batted his eyelashes at them. "Your lips say no no, but your eyes say yes yes. Don't disappoint, half an hour." And with that, Aran closed the door behind him in search of the common room.

 

Brand almost choked on the swig he’d taken when Aran made his comment. “Damn him.†He said, laughing at the man. “Sorry, Corin, I’m sure Aran didn’t mean to interrupt our conversation.†Brand said, trying to get serious again. The subject matter hadn’t been light, after all. “Very well.†He started, putting the bottle down in front of him. “I’m going to give you more time to sort this thing of yours out. But you’re going to sort this out, and you’re going to do so soon. You’re a good Tower Guard, and a role model, and I would like to see that stays that way.†He glanced at the bottle again. “Feel like joining us in the common room?â€

 

~Brand Ryota

Commander of the Guard

 

Guest starring: Aran

[tismeb4u]

He was braced and ready for how he might have to create the right words and structure to answer the impending question about the personality of the issue. How to spin a truthful reply while not revealing the truth behind it all. The longer he spent in service to her the more he understood how Aes Sedai could speak truth without giving a true and proper answer. But that fate was ironically saved by the man Corin would least have expected. Aran's voice froze his mind at it's touch for a moment as visions of their conversation and ensuing disagreement played back to him. His hands tensed slightly as he worked to ignore the man's comments and general presence. He had conveniently been able to knock Corin over the edge and lose proper control of his emotions, something he had vowed later would not happen again.

 

Even after the man had left Corin held his emotions in an iron tight grip, a slight fear that even a little easing may cause him to let on to deeper issues. Bad enough the whole incident with Aran had happened, but now was not the time to be dwelling on damage control. He would have to work out the consequences of that at another time. Knowing what he did of Aran, the man would probably not make a big deal of it outright. But he doubted he would leave it completely either, he would find some way to make a lever out of it. What that would be he did not know; for now at least.

 

“Thank-you Commander Ryota, I will not disappoint you and will ensure my head is firmly on duty. But I think I will pass on your offer; a drink would probably not do me any benefit right now. I have things to sort out.†He rose from the chair offering the Commander a crisp salute before turning to the door. Halfway through the opening he looked back once more, “perhaps another time when things are sorted out we can have that drink.†After a nod from Brand he closed the door and stepped out away from the building into the growing shadows. Sort out .... duty. Where are the lines of duty? I though I had known at one time, but now I am not so sure.

 

Quietly he made his way through the yard's patterned field of twilight and shadow. A full moon promised a bright night and the earth still radiated it's warmth back to the air from the sun's earlier heating. It was a very good night to ponder a future that may be in doubt if he did not find a focus for it. Normally he would spend his time of though in the garden or the Ogier grove; but the garden had become a bit of a dangerous place at times. Dangerous in the terms of who he might run into, a run in with of either of them there could result in unfortunate circumstances. The armory loomed in the near horizon and pulled at him; feet changing to carry him to it's heavy door. Where it all began ... the night is much quieter, more hospitable then that fateful night when I met her here. His hand moved slowly over the wooden door's surface as if it held the memory of their meeting; that he might draw it out. Emotions pulled him to enter, to see the table where they had made there little bargain; to feel her presence if only in his mind. No she is not there and will not be there. Will not be anywhere I am.

 

Softly he made his way down the building's side to a small stack of creates and scampered up onto the buildings roof. No one will be looking for me until daybreak and those that come here will be to interested in it's contents to notice a misplaced shadow. Reserved to the fact that life would never be the simple adventure he had foolishly envisioned as a youth. He leaned back against the roof and stared up at the stars; his foot dangled over the edge swinging slowly in the air. Where was his future now, he had thought it lay in the adventure of traveling with an Aes Sedai. Then he had thought it was in the protection and company of a wise older sister, for a spell even believed that it could be to the tower in purpose and two sisters in specific. How foolish he had been, how could she not have reacted in that way? He had kidnapped her, what in the name of all that was good was he thinking? But that was the problem, he wasn't thinking; not clearly, not of late.

[Lavinya]

Restlessness. Lavinya could not shake the feeling, cloistered in her private chambers deep in the Gray Ajah quaters. What had once been her place of solace had begun to feel like an oppressive prison, trapping her with the endless tumult of her mind. This had never before been a problem for her, indeed Lavinya had always enjoyed her own company, believing in her own arrogance that at least she was guaranteed intelligent conversation. But things had changed, and she knew where to lay the blame. "Blood and ashes!" She hissed under her breath, pushing aside the stack of essays from one of her novice classes. She could not concentrate on something so...menial. She had felt so alive, even if it was for such a short time. The very why of it all still left her confused and more than a little nervous.

 

Lavinya's eye came to rest on the clay pipe sitting on her desk, at odds to the rest of the elegant pieces adorning the furniture. A tiny smile curved her full lips. She had confiscated it from Janine, a girl whom she mentored. A girl who reminded Lavinya far too much of herself at times, though she had always had more refinement. But there was a spark in Janine that both infuriated and fascinated her. What caught her interest now however was purely the pipe. Perhaps a walk in the moonlight and some good Two Rivers tabac would ease her restlessness and order her thoughts, hopefully steering them away from the man she longed to see yet had become too timid to approach.

 

It was almost laughable, Lavinya being timid. With a slight smirk Lavinya swept a deep green cloak about her shoulders, before pocketing the pipe and some tabac. Without a second thought she swept out of the room, warding her apartments out of long established habit. There were plenty of people about in the halls at this hour, sisters returning from their day's business, novices scuttling from classes and chores to the dining hall, servants bustling about as the daylight hurriedly faded to night. It was a relief to step out into the deeply shadowed gardens, the quiet a stark contrast to the interior of the tower at that hour.

 

Ever since the fateful meeting with Corin, the gardens had lost their tranquility for Lavinya. Everywhere she looked she saw herself, lost in the heat of his kiss, smiling and battling with her wits, but most often she saw what she truly was - a broken mess, opening herself to ridicule and pain, a terrible lonliness aching inside of her. How had she lived so long with that inside? She hadn't even known herself how deep her vulnerability ran, how every choice she had ever made had led her to this point, this isolation. She had no friends to call her own, no love to hold her hand; nothing. And yet it had never concerned her before that day. Light, she'd never bothered witholding her charms before either! But with that one particular guard she had felt...different. Younger, freer. And she wanted to know how, why. How had he eluded the defenses that had guarded her most secret places for so many years?

 

Lavinya stepped away from the tower and into the deepening night, lighting the pipe with a brief thread of fire and lifting it to her lips. She had not cared much for smoking before confiscating Janine's pipe; now she found she rather enjoyed it, both for the relaxation and the thwarting of the fiesty girl. The blue-grey smoke curled about and drifted on the soft breeze into the dark depths of the garden, and Lavinya sighed. Without even realising, her feet had led her to the fountain where she first met the man that would bring forth the true Lavinya. She would not be able to clear her head here. Turning, she followed the paths that led towards the warder's yards. She had only encountered Corin once since that day, partly because she had been forbidden to associate with him, but largely because she no longer knew how to act, what to say. Authority figures did not daunt Lavinya; her own uncertainty did. The chances of finding him were slim though, so why did her pace lift slightly?

 

Foolish woman!she berated herself silently. Corin had made his feelings clear, and they were not mirrors of her own. Yet she longed to learn more about this hidden self, explore the woman that went beyond the Gray fringed shawl. But she was terrified to do it alone. In fact if she was honest, she no longer wanted to be alone. She wanted the warmth that Corin could give, wanted it to help the small flower in her heart bloom and grow. For the first time in her existance, Lavinya wanted more than her shallow ambitions. She wanted to love, and be loved. And her heart told her Corin was the key.

 

Love? Lavinya halted her steps abruptly at the thought. She had never allowed herself to acknowledge the emotion before, how had she given life to it now? She needed to sit down, to think, to work through these terrifying thoughts. She had never wanted, nay needed to rely on anyone else before, had always been more than confident in her own abilities. But now she saw the gaping hole in herself for what it was, saw how empty and bitter her life truly was. This was not the life she had dreamed of for herself. She wanted to curse Corin for shattering the facade that had even fooled herself, yet she could not. Not while ever her heart was silently pining for him. Pining? Bah, she was turning into a simpering fool, and the blame lay at his feet. No she couldn't blame him, she had willingly offered him herself, and he had politely declined. What to do?

 

Lavinya's steps faltered as she realised she had wandered into the yards, by the armoury, if she was correct. By now the moon was high overhead, and everything that was not in shadow was bathed in its silvery glow. Some old crates stood by the wall, and Lavinya moved to sit there, to hide in the shadows and work through this...well whatever it was she felt. She stopped mid-step though as a movement on the roof caught her eye. A foot, swinging over the edge casually. Her gaze roamed higher, trying to make out the silhouette, and her breath caught in her throat. "Corin." She breathed, her heart leaping at the utterance of that name. Her face remained smooth, though a smile lit her features. He had seen her, she had no doubt. If he had not, she would have quickly turned to leave. Even now uncertainty flamed anew, but her feet stayed stubbornly still.

 

She didn't know if he even recognised her beneath the hood of her cloak, though a few stray red curls peeked out. If he hadn't recognised her on site, surely he knew her voice, just as she had commited every inflection of his voice to memory. Even now, the memory of his arms about her came to the fore, her lips tingled, wanting his kiss...no! He had made himself clear. He wanted her friendship, nothing more. And Lavinya would be damned if she was going to try any of her tricks on him; they both deserved better. She would just attempt to be herself, this new self, and hope and pray that he would take her hand and lead her on in this journey.

 

"I did not expect to see you Corin, you or anyone." Lavinya's voice drifted up to where he sat, unable to see his features clearly as the moon cast its light over her own face. "But I am pleased to see you." Lavinya bit her lip, a movement that was fast becoming an outward sign of her inward uncertainty. Hurriedly she smoothed her features again, all but for the playful smiling teasing the corners of her mouth. It really was wonderful torment seeing him there, so close yet so far. His profile was as enchanting as ever, the casual way he sat only increasing his appeal. "Would you care for some company? Do not be obliged to accept." She added hurriedly. "I do not wish to interrupt your private thoughts." Lavinya smiled broadly. "But someone offered to walk with me, and the moonlight is too stunning to enjoy alone." What was she doing? He had clearly only made the offer out of politeness the last time she had seen him, not out of a genuine desire to be in her company. Fool that she was, she could not help herself, though deep down she knew she was setting her fragile heart up for another fall. But she had to know.

 

Lavinya

Searching

[tismeb4u]

Corin lay back against the roof welcoming it's support; willing it to give him what he needed. But answers would come from it no more then it would from the infinite stars above. A multitude of pinpricks, light on the creator's black canvas, filled the sky above him twinkling in there merriment. A visual representation of the opportunities and problems that faced him. He had made an agreement with Sirayn in the dark seclusion of the room beneath him. It seemed almost a distant memory now with all that had transpired since those words. There had been an opportunity then; dangled before him like a piece of cheese to a mouse before the trap. He had not known it as such; the mouse rarely knew it's fate. Only the incessant need for the cheese; for the knowledge and opportunity that might just some how lay in a game he was unprepared for. Had no fathom in regards to it's depths and nuances. A smile twitched the corners of his mouth as he thought of how easily she had laid out the bait. Simple words and gestures, common, nothing to draw the eye or prick attention from it's flow. She had lead him with ease into a commitment for which he still had not reasoned it's true meaning.

 

Corin admired her skills for what they where and how easily and smoothly she had applied them. But it galled him that even after so long a time he still did not truly know her intent. He had guesses and thoughts, neither of which bore fruit as yet. Worst of all some where in the game between them, her leading as he sought to find the mark, Corin had lost a part of him to her in a way he would not believe possible. How was it a woman of such greater age, with little shown compassion, and a great repulsion for human contact could wrap such a hold on his heart? Sirayn Sedai could be described in many ways, but gorgeous, even beautiful was not one of them. In fact frumpy or demure would probably be words closer suited for the average eye. Yet he saw something different in the shape of her cheek bones, the way she held her head, the stark contrast of her grey eyes and dark hair. He found a charm in that ageless face that he could only associate pretty to, though her cold preference for distance and lack of closeness fuzzed the edges. Why was it he would die for her if she asked it; offered it in the cabin though thank the light she refused him. Frustration over her had long since come and gone, he could not find a word to describe accurately how mixed up she had made him.

 

That of course was only one side of a very complex coin. The soft snap of a twig herald the arrival of a shadow to his isolation. Siting up slightly he watched as a figure appeared from the shadow of a path connecting the garden to the yard. The soft shimmer of moonlight raced along the green cloak and pulled at it's subtle color variations. At first his heart twitched, hope beginning anew that she might have come to discuss an end to this nightmare she had put him into. To finally allow him to kneel at her feet and offer life eternal to her protection and cause. How she had know he was here did not matter; just that she had come. But as the woman below turned toward the stack of crates red curls like wisps of soft cotton slipped into view from around the edges of the cloak's hood. Red the thought instantly brought only one picture to mind, Lavinya. A brief review of her stature and shape strengthened the thought, height alone dismissing Sirayn as the cloaks secreted prize. Disappointment and loss bit softly in but it's full measure was not felt; as if the blade was wrapped in a warm felt cloth to ease it's sting.

 

You seem to always find routes back to my most inner hiding places my friend. But can I still resist and hold you as a friend? I pray that I can for both of our sakes. The moon sat high in the sky at his back and bathed the new arrival in it's soft and subtle silvery glow when she resumed her steps. Moon rays swept over her upturned face; raced along soft smooth skin. The image below instantly put an itch in his hands to remember such warmth again. Visions of their first meeting played back in his head as her words floated up to him. Imagination continuing where remembrance left off as how much pleasure it could be to see her again. Heat blazed across his face; cheeks stained a deep red as the pictures of rapture played out in his head. It was indeed a great benefit that shadow held his face and kept the blush of thought from her sight; kept the heat that took hold of his eyes before control returned to an iron grasp and he forced the soft face of Sirayn back to the forefront.

 

What was the matter with him, he had better control of his mind then this. The soft sweet appearance as she lay asleep at the cabin, no separation, no judgment, no facade. Focused on the image and the remembrance of touching her face softly to cool the heat in his cheeks and ensure there was no indication of the previous thoughts left to twinge his voice. “Indeed Lavinya Sedai it is a beautiful evening and one certainly worth entertaining close friends who's beauty it matches.” The image faltered slightly in his mind as realization of his tongue's betrayal played back to him. Matched beauty ... are you insane. Is this the course of a man who wants to help? Help loose his head perhaps. Finger tips pressed hard into his thigh as he worked out the tension of his slip. This was just a meeting between two friends, nothing more. He could do this; keep their friendship alive without sacrificing what he knew to be destiny.

 

Softly he slipped from the roof to the ground before her and fought intensely with himself to resist the urge to collect her up in his arms right there. “It is good to see you under better circumstances. The last meeting was unfortunately tainted by the actions of my mentee.” He held his hands folded lightly behind his back allowing him to work the continued tension out in wiggled fingers. “I see you have taken up a new hobby”; he indicated toward the pipe, fingers brushing lightly across her hand. “I would not have guessed you a pipe person. But then you continue to surprise me,” a broad smile lite his face; his eyes captivated to hers for several long moments of silence before his mind shook him to action once more. It was not safe to stand here lost in her eyes, he could hold certain emotions at bay for only so long if left to her. Collecting her free hand he slipped it around his arm and stepped out with her on the path again, it's angle toward the Ogier grove. “Come let us not stand here waisting the light when we can walk through the wonder the creator has painted for us this night.” Be firm Corin, two friends out for a walk, nothing more.

 

Corin

Torn between two lives

[Lavinya]

Pleasure illuminated the smile playing about Lavinya's lips as Corin's flowery words drifted to her. Not aloof words of rejection; on the contrary he flattered, and deemed her a close friend. Surely this was a positive sign. If he was going to pursue the 'simply friends' point, surely he wouldn't call her beautiful? But then again, Corin was a gentleman. It would not be like him to be rude; no doubt he was being polite. Lavinya squashed the glimmer of hope along with the memory of just how unlike a gentleman he could be. The return of the honorific should be sign enough, but she could not help but remember his hands moving over her frame with feverish passion, his lips searing her own. She straightened her spine. It was not best to relive such moments, when one was uncertain on just how the other party was positioned on the matter.

 

It seemed to Lavinya that sparks flew through the air as Corin's fingers barely brushed over her own. Could he feel it to? No, she was allowing her imagination too much free reign, letting girlish fantasies fill her head. But when Corin's deep gaze lingered on her own, she was spellbound, and the glimmer of hope she had tried valiantly to crush once again shone through. Did he feel the tension? Did he have the same yearning she had? To surrender, to give and to share; to love?

 

“Come let us not stand here waisting the light when we can walk through the wonder the creator has painted for us this night.” Lavinya let Corin lead her, the warmth from his arm as her own intertwined with it was setting her pulse racing, but she did her best not to reveal its effects. Her face was smooth and serene as they meandered along the path, the milky moonlight guiding their steps and entrancing Lavinya. It was as though the creator had made this beauty just for them, at least Lavinya was beginning to see it that way. Nighttime sounds were serenading them, the rich aromas of the lush trees teasing her senses as the Ogier Grove drew ever nearer, mingling with the sharper scent of the smoke gently curling from the pipe in her free hand. "This is only a recent pastime of mine; but I have found it to be surprisingly relaxing. A rather pleasant diversion." Lavinya lifted the pipe to her lips once more as she spoke, inhaling the woody tobacco, before expelling it in a soft hiss of air.

 

She offered the pipe to Corin in a silent gesture, smiling as he reached out strong fingers to grasp the smooth wood. He did not lift the pipe to his lips, making Lavinya wonder if he had accepted to merely be polite, as she leaned slightly against the arm she held. Warmth radiated from where they touched, Lavinya's thoughts turning unbidden to the time she had experienced bliss at his hands, losing herself to the pleasurable fog created by his kiss. No! Corin was merely being friendly and polite. Why should she even entertain such fantasies? Who was she, to believe anyone would want to pursue a deeper relationship with her? No one had before, why would they start now? Such a fool's hope.

 

A mental shake pushed aside her thoughts, her mouth twisting in irony. Lavinya had sought to clear her head, thinking that solitude in the dark gardens would bring some relief to the raging storm in her mind. Instead she had encountered the very reason for her inner turmoil. It was happenings like this that made Lavinya believe the creator had a cruel sense of humour. Unless of course it was destiny, that Corin was the key to her finding her true self. Did that happen? She had certainly never felt the way she did now, and the blame could be layed solely at his feet. Never had anyone confused her so much, while also making her see. She had been forced to face hidden aspects of her character that she would have preferred to not know about, but now there was no going back. She could never be the same woman again. Like it or not, her future was now resting in Corin's hands, and she was longing to discover what it held.

 

"It is certainly a beautiful night." Lavinya breathed deeply of the night air as they continued their slow wander. Soon the buildings would be out of sight, the two of them enveloped by the lush foliage of the trees flourishing in the Ogier Grove. The two of them, alone, no other distractions but the enchantment of their surroundings. Her dark eyes peeked a sideways glance at Corin's profile. "A night made for lovers." Her voice was soft, a caress. Was she trying to seduce Corin? She knew that her heart had made it's choice, that none other would do but him. It was a longing of her soul, not a calculated seduction. Corin was not a trophy, nor a mere moment's pleasure. He was the key to her true self. Never mind the fact that the handsome lines of his face increased the pace of her heart and raised her temperature.

 

Lavinya's free hand lifted, slipping the dark hood back from her head and allowing her red curls to tumble freely down her back. It felt symbolic, an outward show of how she wanted to hide nothing from Corin. She was vulnerable to him; yet she trusted him as she did no other. He may have told her he wished to be friends, but Lavinya knew she would not settle for that. Not now. It was like being held in a dark, cold prison, watching the world outside - so full of life and light, and happiness. And Corin held the key. Oh how she longed to be free! To feel, to laugh, to love. Not alone anymore. Not ever again.

 

The pipe that had been lingering in Corin's hand lifted to his lips; a cough shaking his frame as the acrid smoke tickled his throat. He freed his arm, his hand lifting to cover his mouth as he tried to splutter discreetly. Amusement twinkled in Lavinya's eyes. Was it only the pipe making him react so, or had her words caused him some awkwardness? She took the pipe from his outstretched hand, weaving a small thread of air to douse the flame before pocketing it once more in her dark cape. "Wasting my Tabac, Corin?" Her voice was filled with humour, a soft laugh escaping her lips. When was the last time she had felt free enough to joke with someone? Corin really did bring out the best in her, it seemed.

 

"Come, there is a wonderful place in the grove where one can sit and contemplate life." She awarded the now somewhat composed Tower Guard with a winning smile as she again took his arm, leading him deeper into the grove, to where the trees sheltered a small clearing, away from the main path. Away from prying eyes, away from the world. A place where you could truly forget about duty, and propriety; a place to simply feel. A large, smooth rock became a makeshift seat as Lavinya sat, patting the space beside her for Corin to fill. She lifted her dark eyed gaze to the night sky, admiring the stars twinkling silently above them as she waited for Corin to obey the silent command, her eyes seeking out his when he did not. Why did he struggle against what Lavinya saw as evidently inevitable?

 

"I have to admit I am contemplating something." Lavinya said with a small playful smile, her head tilting to the side slightly as she considered Corin on his feet before her. "I am wondering why my close friend felt the need to honour me with the title of Aes Sedai after I have given my permission for him to address me by my given name. Could it be that he believes the instance was a unique one? Or perhaps the idea of disrespecting me distresses him. Then again he might have forgotten, or believe I had forgotten." Lavinya tapped her chin with her finger, as though pondering the issue deeply. "Whatever the reason, I would remind him that my name is Lavinya, and that I am a woman first and foremost." Her voice was warm as she alluded to their first meeting, the game they had played where they both ignored their duties, simply being a man and woman, nothing more, nothing less. She would do all in her power to have that again.

 

Once more Lavinya patted the space beside her. "Come sit by me Corin. I promise I will not bite." A wicked grin curved her lips as she deliberately teased him. "Not unless you ask me to." She chuckled throatily, enjoying being herself immensely, the warm, fun loving girl she had once been again seeping to the surface, seeking the same relaxed attitude in Corin. She knew it existed; she had seen it, loved it. And she would have it again. No, more than that; she would have him as her own.

 

 

Lavinya

On the Hunt

 

 

The heat from such a simple and basic contact ebbed through his body like a fine brandy. Heat redoubling in strength as it slipped around nerve and muscle; worked to elevate the rate of his pulse. He had never experienced this level of effect from the basic proximity of another in all his years to date. What kind of weave or spell did this women have on him that he could be in such a battle with himself. So content in his ignorance while he sought the approval of Sirayn. Life had seemed so simple looking back at those times, at the times of youth when he enjoyed the kisses stolen in the night from girls he had dandled so easily on his knee.

 

Like a hunter his eyes picked the small movement out in the dark and followed her hand as the pipe raised to her lips again. The cherry red glow from the pipes bowl as she drew back on it's stem bathed her face in a new warm light; an image of those soft red curls framing her tender face beneath the dark safety of her cloaks cowl and reflected back a new glow in dark eyes . The light lasted only moments before the pipe dipped again and the soft hiss of her exhaled breath touched his ear; the sharp sweet scent of Tabac smoke wrapping around them. He had always liked the smell of a pipe with good Tabac though he had never really been able to bring himself to take up the habit personally. He had tried it once or twice in the past but after a fit of coughing and the ill feeling it had left him with he had decided to avoid it, instead enjoying the scent when he came upon it as he had now with this treasure on his arm.

 

Corin collected the pipe with out thought when she offered it to him; enjoyed the brief contact of her fingers against his hand while the warmth of the pipe redoubled the spell of his friend. Would it be so bad to just surrender to the desires welling up from within? To give over to the unbridled passion he knew they would both enjoy with the release of inhibition. She was a soft and graceful women here with a man on a quiet and enchanting night. What harm could come for the mutual desires to delve into each others arms and be lost in the moment. No! No this was not the way. He would not disrespect her so easily as others had. He was here for her, to help a friend find the person he knew existed. Not to use for his own selfish desires without care and forethought of the effect it may have on their future. He valued that friendship, the comfort of having someone who he could almost completely confide in.

 

An argument made mute in point by the caress of her voice and the subtle note of almost longing in the word lovers. He was not even sure if it had been there or if his mind had added it in aid of the bodies desire. He had to keep control of his thoughts or he was certainly doomed, did she seem closer now; the warmth from her body stronger? His eyes cut to the side as her dark cowl slipped from her head to reveal the cascade of red soft curls; breath catching in his throat and lips going dry. He had though he had the strength for this, but he had forgotten so easily how beautiful she was. Forgotten how firm a grip on his heart she had. Gray eyes floated into his mind again; stern and stormy. As if accusing him already of defiling the girl. Of being the a treacherous letch and banishing him from her existence all over again. He battled with the eyes in silent justification on the purity of his intension's, the pipe stem slipping into his mouth. Thought challenged need and desire sent forth to do battle for the heart as reaction took over and he drew the sharp smoke into his lungs. The burning sensation was instant, pulling his mind back to the present as a series of coughing fits racked his body. All thoughts of a controlled presence faded with each cough, her chiding meant in good humor only adding to the embarrassed heat flushing his cheeks and the glee that lite gray eyes.

 

Another brilliant stroke of composure Corin, keep this up and she will be finding you a nurse maid. For Pete sakes man get a hold of your self. You are not a foolish boy anymore. The mental berating gave him the time he needed to recollect himself from the smoke while he blindly followed her invitation into the secluded grove. His heart longed to be here with her lost in what they had shared before in the garden. But it also held a deep and close connection to Sirayn and what he hoped they could share. Why was nothing easy when it came to heart and love. Here wrapped around his arm was a women offering freely to love him if he but asked. He was sure that was the way she felt about it. The more he had thought of her reaction on mentioning being friends the more he was sure that she had expected so much more from him. A mistake he would have to live with now,but the present meeting was not helping his plight in that regard. Sirayn I need your counsel and wisdom. But how do I ask one who is part of this complex mess to give guidance.

 

He watched as she gracefully slipped down on to the rock and motioned for him to sit at her side. How was he to explain to her that this had to remain as a friendship and no more. The tilt of her head setting a twinkle of moonlight in her eyes to mix with an emotion he was afraid to dwell on least he falter entirely. Could he in fact tell her that he was bound through an oath of his own to another without faltering. He knew if he sat to her side he would most likely loose the battle and be lost to the emotions crashing against control with a feverish pitch. He needed to resist this temptation and be strong like Sirayn had trained him, if only I had met you sooner Lavinya. Perhaps then this would not be so hard for me and I could be utterly lost in your arms forever. Silently his eyes beheld her, watched the way the soft red curls bounced with the motion of her head, while mind and body battled for an answer, a decision he could offer her.

 

He smiled at her promise though he did not doubt the offer was genuine and a part of him deep down wanted to take her up on the offer but he was able to quickly crush it back down. This was part of the steps Brand had mentioned. He would have to find a way to come to terms with Lavinya or he would never be able to draw out the inner voice of Sirayn. But he did not want to lose the friendship with Lavinya and see the sweet girl that had emerged once more be crushed back into the cold shell of an Aes Sedai. Bracing his resolve he slipped on to the rock next to her keeping a slight distance. “I do remember well our conversation and meeting you refer to Lavinya. He shuffled his shoulders slightly to ease the tension building from the visions that swept in of their meeting. A warmth building once more in his chest. “I have been, shall we say lectured and reminded on several occasions that the title is there fore a purpose and in public at least it is not to be forgotten. I did not mean to offend you, I was just not sure who's ears might hear.” He offered her a warm smile with his apology, the heat from within adding more warmth then he had planed. His eyes touched hers and glanced away again, unable to hold them for fear of falling.

 

“I am glad you happened by tonight, I was hoping to get a chance to talk with you alone. It has been so long since the garden,” his eyes darted to her's again briefly as if to gauge her reaction and then slipped away. How was he to tell her she was precious to him but not so much that he could hold her the way she wanted to be held, the way he needed to hold her at this very moment. Light grant me the strength to not falter in this. Turning his eyes took in the sight before him and his breath caught; strangled by the sudden emotion that took him as her eyes met his, her face tilting slightly as she turned toward him equally.

 

The moonlight raced highlights down her red hair, the curls bouncing slightly with the turn of her head. It was the creator's own blessing that bestowed such radiant beauty on her. Emotion fought against purpose; the reason for this meeting. Words that the Commander had offered; lessons and wisdom failed him and fell to the murky mist that filled his head and clouded judgment. His hand had rose to brush lightly against her face following the line of her jaw; swept back across supple smooth high cheeks that accentuated the dark welcoming pools to her soul. The entrance to the woman he remembered in the garden; the entrance to a future filled with love. A love that would be reciprocated, a warm touch that would be returned and not shunned from; the opportunity to just love and be loved fully without games. Lavinya offered him so much; his fingers twined in her hair as his hand moved to the back of her head. This was what the patterned had woven for him, this was the destiny the creator had laid before him. All he had to do was accept the love she offered to him freely and forget. He leaned closer his eyes still locked to hers; the mask gone now, love and desire flooding the space behind the emerald windows to his soul. Her breath was hot on his face and he could almost feel the intense heat her lips would bring when they finally met.

 

But the Creator was not done with the ironic humor he inflicted Corin's life with. A pain stabbed his side drawing him up short of their joining, eyes in puzzlement dropping to his side. How could so much confusion and torment lay in wait for one man. The nights silvery light glinted sharply off the crossing of his sword. The hilt wedged firmly under a rib, the source of the discomfort. His hand dropped from her head without looking back as it moved the hilt from it's awkward position. Leaning back slightly he lifted the scabbard to angle the sword away from his body and drew it's length. The soft hiss of steel sliding over steel and leather filled his ears and cut the fog created by her enchanting presence. Moonlight played off the blade's edge; a mesmerized dance of death and life wrapped in emotionless focus. It was the emblem of the Tower engraved in to the blade near the crossing that his eye focused on. A wave of memories flooded back over him with each beat of his heart. Memories of his arrival, his training and instruction, the grove where he sealed his life to the Towers. He could feel the cold firm rock from his ceremonies like the one they now sat on, could see her standing above him. The green fringe of her shawl perfectly placed and still as he knelt before the three present and dedicated his life to the guard; dedicated his life to her and the protection of her life's thread.

 

“Even when we are alone and hidden from all, duty always has us in it's grip. Our lives but pawns in the game between light and dark.” His voice was soft and distant, memories speaking from the dark. Duty was a binding he had committed to and could not break even if he wanted to. The Commander had been right, he needed to face his choices and his fears if he was to find the future he sought. “Lavinya, you are so dear and precious to me,” the sword moved to lay across open palms, the heat in his voice lost. He needed to find the words that would explain everything without hurting her or breaking promises given to the one he knew he must regain favor with.

 

 

Corin Danveer

Searching for a way

 

 

Lavinya had wanted many things in her life. Power and prestige, wealth. She had wanted to have authority, to receive the status she believed she deserved. Not once had she ever cared about who she stepped on along the way, the friends she may have lost, the opportunities for happiness she may have missed. She had indulged herself with several illicit affairs, all purely for physical pleasure, nothing more. The only time she had ever fancied herself in love had led to heartbreak, and she had continued her life, confident that she did not need anyone else to complete her, to reach her selfish goals. But she was so very, very wrong.

 

Corin had reached a place inside her that she had not even known existed. A place where she craved acceptance for who she was; to be loved wholly. Sitting here in the stillness of night, her entire being was crying out for what she needed, what they both wanted. Lavinya had always been a terribly selfish creature, yet here she was, filled with warmth and love and longing. Corin made her become the woman she truly wanted to be, rather than the bitter, cold, selfish husk she had become. All that she had aspired to meant nothing, not in the light of what could be, with this man by her side.

 

The slight distance placed between them was not lost on Lavinya. She ached to reach out to him, to touch him, but she sensed that he waged a war inside himself, one she was not privy to. Why didn't he just let her in, let her touch wash away the strain that tinged his eyes, her love warm his heart. For the first time in her life, Lavinya wanted to give. These were treacherous grounds, one false step could lead to disaster. Lavinya didn't think she could bear losing him, but something told her Corin was teetering on the brink. With considerable effort she kept her hands in her lap, keeping her face smooth so as not to betray just how desperately she wanted to touch him, to feel the warmth of his skin beneath her fingertips, the hard contours that promised safety and protection.

 

Shadows bathed Corin's profile, playing tricks with the angles and plains of his face; yet it could have been the dead of night with no light at all and she would have been able to describe every little detail, so much had she seen his face in her thoughts, in her dreams. It was as though their kiss in the gardens had awaken her from a deep slumber, and now she wanted to live in the waking world. Dreams were for the young; she wanted to live it.

 

He smiled, and Lavinya's breath caught in her chest. Was her mind playing tricks? She had seen a glimpse of emotion in his eyes, a warmth in his smile that told so much, yet may mean little. Light but she wanted him so, like none other before him. Was it so wrong, to want to surrender to a man you hardly knew? Yet even in their short acquaintance, Lavinya had allowed him closer than anyone, and she felt that she too had seen the man behind the sword and cloak. Surely that meant more than any hundred, even thousand polite meetings?

 

“I am glad you happened by tonight, I was hoping to get a chance to talk with you alone. It has been so long since the garden.”Lavinya sought Corin's gaze, her eyes burning into his profile as though by will alone he would turn her head and reveal his thoughts. He was confusing, each encounter with him had left her mind reeling, and this one it seemed would be no different. There was warmth in his tone; unspoken promise, or so she thought. Was she reading too much into his words? What else could he mean! Lavinya could think of no other reason to bring up the events in the gardens except to have them happen once more. Hope surged anew in her heart as it thudded in her chest; his emerald gaze finally met her own and she was drowning in the stormy depths. He wanted her, she knew it, his eyes revealed his soul, even if his lips had yet to form the words.

 

Lavinya was caught in Corin's enticing spell, lost in the intesity of his gaze as the air about them crackled. His hand was warm and gentle, belying the callouses that spoke of hours of sword work. Hands such as these could never harm her - indeed they seemed to instead offer such pleasure. I would give you the world...Heat radiated from the gentle touch, tremors of anticipation trailing down her spine. Corin was so close, his eyes catching the moonlight which seemed to dance amongst the passion within them. He was all that was beautiful, the promise of happiness and pleasure. He would not turn her away after finding his own satisfaction, nor would he use her. She had truly found a kindred spirit, and her heart was beating the rhythm of love as he inched nearer.

 

Parting her lips, Lavinya could already feel the soft pressure of his own upon hers, could once again taste his kiss. Mere inches and she could finally surrender, drown in the bliss that only Corin could bring; finally give all of herself to someone and not have it return void. Blinking, Lavinya was thrown off guard as Corin moved away, shifting the offending sword and lifting it so that the moonlight glinted from the smooth edges. Need was pounding through her veins, everthing inside of her demanding she seek satisfaction, but the web of enchantment had unravelled, leaving her once more free from it's confinement. I do not want to free! Not if it means being alone! Why did he now not move to finish what he started, the source of discomfort removed.

 

Duty? Duty!? Lavinya stifled the urge to groan in frustration. The Tower, it seemed, was to be her greatest hinderance, yet at the same time she could not deny it; it would be easier to deny herself. It was true, her duty to the White Tower was part of who she was, an Aes Sedai. No, not who she was, but what she was. Doubts slowly creeped into Lavinya's mind, but she thrust them aside. Corin was an honourable man, one who took his duties seriously, even while they stifled him. He had been able to look past them once before, to see the woman beneath the shawl. Lavinya's feelings for him did not stem from his status as Tower Guard, but for the warm, kind man she saw inside, the man that had touched her heart.

 

“Lavinya, you are so dear and precious to me,”Dread suddenly filled Lavinya, along with a hint of panic. Oh how she had wanted to hear those words, wanted to hear more; but the way he kept his eyes from hers once more, his voice soft and aloof, did not bode well. There was to be more, no doubt a giant 'but' and a thousand reasons why he could never see her again. No! Lavinya would not let it rest. She had seen the passion, the love in his eyes. She would not let him refute it! But how did she prevent it?

 

"Corin," Lavinya hesitated, moistening her lower lip before she continued. Laying one's heart and happiness on the line was proving to be difficult, but anything less was not enough. She did not want to wonder about what may have been, she wanted to live her life, to dwell in the here and now, with Corin. Just a man and a woman, lost in love and desire. "I cannot hide myself from you, even should I want to try." Slowly her hands reached, lifting the weight of the sword from Corin's hands. She studied it for a moment as she gathered her nerve, before gently tossing it so it landed with a soft thud on the grass by the rock. Lifting her eyes to his, she silently slid the great serpent ring from her finger, tossing it after the sword, paying no heed as the metals clinked together.

 

Suddenly Lavinya felt exposed like never before. She had not removed that ring for more than a moment in many, many years. For the moment she was not Aes Sedai; she held no honourific title. She was simply Lavinya. "My life has never been the same, not since the day I met you." Her dark eyes held Corin's, willing him to not look away, to listen as she bared her heart. "I do not ever want to go back to the way I used to be. You have shown me what it means to live, Corin Danveer. To smile and laugh, to be free. To love." Her eyes searched his, desperately seeking the answering emotion in his soul, the way to become whole.

 

"And oh, I love you so." The words were soft, a bare whisper, yet with them Lavinya surrendered her heart and soul to Corin. She was exposed and vulnerable, open to his ridicule and rejection; yet she also gave herself. Her lips curved into a somewhat shy smile as she reached for his hand once more, lifting it to her lips and softly kissing the warm skin of his palm. "I am a woman, you but a man...won't you let me give to you the happiness you have given me?" Her fingertips lifted to Corin's jaw, much in the manner he had before touched her, feeling the slight rasp beneath her fingertips as they trailed over his cheek to trace his lip tenderly. "Won't you let me love you?" The words were a soft caress as she moved ever nearer, seeking out the kiss that she had been denied.

 

 

Lavinya

Surrendered

(Sirayn you are a Queen among women...err...an Amyrlin among minions! :D)

[tismeb4u]

Her words in soft and vulnerable tones raced a fever though his spine and smashed the resolve that had been trying to build. He watched in first confusion and then disbelief as she lifted the blade from his open hands and tossed it aside; eyes following it's path to rest. This was not the way it was suppose to be, duty was everything if he was to remain in control and explain to her why they could not be as it appeared they both wanted. His eyes finally moving to meet her gaze, the open and barren windows to the woman he knew existed. The woman he had wanted to nurture and draw out that now made him afraid to meet her again. Afraid that should she come before him now he may not be able to resist her and fail to straighten out the mess he had cause at the garden. To hurt her in a way no man had the right to do.

 

The glint of her ring as it transversed the black space between them and his sword caught his attention from the corner of his eye but he could not break the lock between them. His ear noted the faint click of metal against metal as it bounced off the blade and nestled into the soft lush grass. Like a knife that action had carved deep into his strength to end this here and now. Sliced back the hardened cover he had tried to stitch over his heart with the false stories that they would be just friends. That he could be with her and keep her safe as a friend or a sister and not look at her in the way only a husband should; with desire and passion for a joined heart.

 

Inside he wanted to scream; to drag himself out by the collar and beat sense into an empty head. This could not work, it could not be destined. He had found the one he was to tie his life to; had know it since there meeting so very long ago. Why could he not stand firm on that knowledge, why must his heart work to betray him and bring turmoil to those he cared about. Sirayn was the woman he should, no, would be tied to. He would see her thread continue in the pattern and find a place at her side before Tarmon Gai'don, there was no option. Gray eyes bloomed once more fierce and bright in his mind and he latched on to them mentally as they were the lifeline to a drowning man. He was drowning in the love and warmth of this beautiful women next to him; knew he would never be able to resist her request on his own if he did not find a source of strength. Please Sirayn, give me guidance and strength to do what must be... His thought broke off; recoiled back like a hand touching a hot coal as Lavinya's admittance of love caressed his ear and brought his heart back to control; the part that held deep seeded feeling for her.

 

She had said it, all their games and mysteries were washed asunder as her admittance soaked deep into him. There was no turning back, no way out that did not bring bitterness and sorrow. He had ruined another life here in the tower and for what? His own selfish thoughts and plans, his belief that he knew what was best for those around him. He falsely believed that he controlled the events around him; that he could set right what he imagined to be wrong. Fool!! You are a brainless goat! You do not deserve happiness. Wickedness is repaid in wickedness, she seen through you. Gave you what you deserved.

 

Heat of intense magnitude snapped him back from the internal berating as eyes dropped to witness the contact of her lips against the palm of his hand. No, I do not deserve your love. Her face seemed to fill his vision as every fiber of his being focused on the smooth skin of her face. The tender texture of her heart shaped lips. He felt her hand brush lightly along his cheek and he shamelessly tilted his head into the caress; his own hand catching hers and holding it pressed in place. He was here and now, with a woman that accepted him for all his faults and weaknesses. A woman that had seen his soul and still wanted to share her life with him. Perhaps he was not completely lost; perhaps there was hope that his life was not meant simply to be a warning to others.

 

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it's back softly, relishing the warmth of the soft skin. Tender hands that would offer him no violence or harsh treatment. “Only a woman ... here with an man ...” his voice replayed her words back as if trying to convince his mind. Soft light words; whispers between them that his heart tried to seize. His other hand collect some of her soft red curls; swept them up tenderly to his nose and inhaled deeply; his eyes closed. Freedom flooded him with in a mix of light scents. He could be loved here, could be the man that might exist deep down and know that he belonged. That he was needed and accepted by someone. No .... no this is wrong. This is not why you are here. His head shook slowly, eyes still closed, as a vision of Sirayn's soft relaxed features bloomed anew in his mind. Visions of her peaceful slumber at the cabin tried to overwhelm the smell from Lavinya's hair, the softness of her hands, the texture of her curls. The image faded as his eyes opened once more fixed to her's.

 

“You have touched a part of me I never knew existed Lavinya, brought focus to a part I was scared to know. But now ...” his voice faltered as he searched for himself in her eyes. “You offer so much, are so open here with me ...” No ... no please you must stop his mind pleaded with his heart, tried to touch the spot still tender from Sirayn's banishment. He was teetering on the edge of loss and could not find the will to fall one way or the other. He held so many reasons to be with Sirayn, even if all he was to become was a trusted slave. But he also wanted the warmth and returned love that Lavinya now openly offered. A chance to be loved for who he was deep inside regardless of the skill he may or may not posses. Why could lightening not reach down from the sky and remove him from this age. The bubbles and the roses, had their poison been a little more potent he would not have to make this decision.

 

Hurt and panic filled his eyes as the battle raged internally; his hand slipped free from her hair and patted lightly the hand that remained in his. There had to be a way, some way to make all this right, which will you hurt? The thought left him cold and hollow inside, the heat falling from his eyes and replaced with bitter sorrow. “If I stay I will dishonor you, and yet even knowing that I can not find the strength to leave this place.” His voice was low, an anguish tinged it's edges as he fought what must be done. “I can not provide the happiness you deserve Lavinya. You are so precious and deserver so much more then this foolish shallow man can return.” His hands released her's gently as they fell back to his lap; back straightening. “All I do is cause hardships on those I care about and disgrace the Tower for which I serve. No one will question it, she will understand, your hatred for me and the hurt I have caused. What ever you deem necessary for punishment in return for your honor I accept from your hand. How foolish I was to believe that I would be worthy of service to an Aes Sedai, that I could be worthy of a confidence so complete as a bond.” His hand patted her thigh lightly as if reassuring her, his mind on the opportunity lost with Sirayn, “I would have been honored to have been chosen, but the hurt I bring will never allow that now.” The admittance in a whispered breath; eyes downcast while his tongue betrayed his inner thoughts. Coward!!! Where is your backbone when they are not in trouble. So willing to give up everything rather then hurt either of them. Willing to take the easy way out rather then face the choice between them like a man. You disgust me. He shed from the harsh words internally, knew how bitterly they spoke truth. A true guard would be able to make the decision easily. His old room mate would never make such a ridiculous mistake, even his troublesome Dorian didn't mess up this bad.

 

 

Corin

Broken and Vulnerable

[Lavinya]

Upon reflection, Lavinya would realise that she should have listened more carefully, seen what she could not in the fog of love and lust. Corin spoke not a word of love; yet Lavinya paid no heed to the words left unspoken, rather focusing on what she believed were hidden yearnings for herself, the heart within a man so filled with honour and duty he could scarcely reveal his true thoughts. Sweet, noble Corin. Was it not part of why she had fallen for him so completely? This was not a man seek a moment's pleasure without a second thought, this was one who would treasure her, nurture the woman he had revealed that hid behind shawl and serpentine ring. Yet those things were gone, and in their place was left a woman. Beautiful yes, but open, fragile, and filled with love for the man who would berate himself for his passion.

 

The voice of her love was wrought with emotion, serving to only further warm her heart. He is cautious because he would not see me hurt. The thought made her smile. Dishonour her? Never, he never could. It was part of why she had come to love him so. He was so inherently good, noble and dutiful. Even now, after she offered herself to him, he was afraid he would but hurt her, believed himself not good enough. “I would have been honored to have been chosen, but the hurt I bring will never allow that now.”To be chosen? There was no denying that physical relationships were frowned upon between Aes Sedai and her warder, but that did not mean that love could not exist, that they could not share that most intimate of bonds. The thought warmed her heart. There was none other Lavinya would rather have by her side, emotions and heart twined with hers. Indeed, she could not have another. She would have to straighten him out, let him know that she could never refuse him. But for now, now she would show Corin her love, would have him feel the depths of her emotion.

 

"Corin, my sweet Corin, look at me." Gentle fingers caressed his jaw, tilting his head so she could again drown in the emerald pools of his eyes. So pure of heart. He was as lost as she on the sea of emotion. There was no other hope but to help each other find their way back to the shores, to ride out the storm together, as one. Lavinya smiled gently at the man, just a man; fingertips splayed on either side of the face she had forever burned in her memory. "I have never known a man like you, so selfless, so noble. Even to the end, you put your duty before yourself, your desires." A soft kiss rested on his brow, her lips a feather light caress over his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, an attempt to wash away the doubt written across his features, the self loathing.

 

"You only dishonour me by denying me what we both long for, what we need in this cruel world of duty. You are a warm hearted man Corin, blood and life are in your veins," Soft lips brushed lightly over Corin's, her warm breath fanning over his face. "For once in your life, you are allowed to turn off your thoughts," Lavinya's fingers speared through Corin's hair as her lips found his ear, caressing softly as she spoke, "For just this once, don't think. Just feel..." The last was a breathy whisper as Lavinya's teeth nipped lightly on the sensitive flesh. Her head was awash with sensation, the heady masculine scent that filled her senses, teased and further incited her passion. "For what is a life without warmth?" Lavinya's voice was a gentle purr, humming the tune of her pounding heart. "And what is life without love?" Lips nuzzled at the warm flesh at Corin's throat, the slight rasp of stubble setting her flesh to tingling. She could feel the rapid pulse in his neck, hear the shallowness of his breathing. He was not unaffected, she knew; he was as ensnared in the wonder of desire as she.

 

"Let us leave behind cold duty and find the warmth we both yearn for...please...let me love you..."

 

 

Lavinya

Moving in for the loving kill.

[tismeb4u]

A plan so simple in purpose at it's hatching had twisted to reveal it's true weakness when he had sought to ensnare Sirayn that night in the armory. His first great failure and the start of a continued slide of failures. Even false hope had given way to resignation that she would remain the one to pull the string and he would dance to them, not the other way around. Through that acceptance had bloomed the respect and love for the cold and distant woman he had begun to seek after; strive to please and found a wealth of satisfaction and self worth in her praises, or what she offered for praise. But Lavinya, that had been a quandary that he had never imagined would find it's way into his life. So soft and warm; never had anyone so physically beautiful with such abundant love in her heart been interested in him. Other men yes, stronger men, better looking men, rich and powerful men. But not a simple man like himself, destined to a life of servitude to others. They only paid him heed when he was at Sirayn's side, a method in which to access her or information on her. It made no sense that she would seek him out, that she would find any interest in sharing with such a plain man.

 

Her fingers, soft as a rose pedal set points of fire on his flesh as they gently collected his face. Once more he found himself lost in the deep brown pools that made her eyes. A depth so complete a man could be lost forever and never wonder why or if reality would ever return again. He could not help but lock eyes with her as her hands brought his face to hers. A radiant angel showing pity on a wretched fool. Her breath an inferno against his skin with her soft words of encouragement. How could she not see how weak he was, how pathetically weak he became to the desires of the flesh. A proper and good guard would be able to resist this test, to maintain control over himself and keep her honor intact. So weak, his mind raced with the stories of desires and the warmth of a woman. He had never more then laid eyes on a naked woman; even that was from a great distance in his youth as he spied from the depths of the brush out toward the pond where they had bathed. His cheeks flushed deep with heat at the combination of his memories and the soft light caress of her lips on his forehead. Tension and resolve slipping away with each kiss.

 

Each set of words she sealed with her lips to him. ”dishonor me ... warm hearted .... your thoughts ... just feel ... without warmth ... without love ... please ... love you.” His mind was a wash of heat and demanding need. She had spoken her consent, asked him, needed him. How could he possible refuse her? Had he not brought this on himself? Lead her down a path to the doorway of hurt? He had to leave, to rise from this place and run to his room, run and lock himself away before he could hurt her further. She saw a man he could never be, selfless, noble. These were not words to describe him. Sirayn had it right, he was a scoundrel, evil and vile. He must be to bring as much hurt to her as he had, as he knew he would when he fell to her. Like watching a battle rage before you from the sidelines, he knew he would not resist her; knew he would remain here and be what ever it was she needed; what he needed now. Somewhere deep within hatred and disgust for himself coiled in waiting. It would lash out and strike him once the heat that filled his veins cooled. Even that knowledge could not save him now. A vision of Sirayn started to form and he pushed it away at first, then grasped it tightly. She would watch what she had done to him, watch as he lost himself to another. She had to watch, she was the one who had pushed him away. Turned her back on hi at the cabin and let him broken; easy prey for the one that now created this uncontrollable heat within.

 

His mouth was dry, could not seem to find the moisture it needed on it's own. A voice once strong and filled with control and decisiveness now cracked and wavered with heat and fear. He had never been this close, never knew a woman in the way she wanted them to be. “Lavinya, I fear I,” he swallowed hard. The dryness of his mouth causing his tongue to stick to the roof for a moment. “I am no longer able to resist you. I don't want to hurt you, please know I do not wish that.” Her fingers running through his hair lit every nerve ending in their path as he leaned in and joined her lips once more like they had before. His final resolve broken, resistance completely shattered. He was hers now. What ever Lavinya requested, he would fulfill for her. Breaking the kiss; his trembling hands collected her face as if touching a delicate and fragile flower. “Duty is lost to me now, I know only you; am here for only you. Please,” unshed tears shown in his eyes as they sought hers, stared with shame at his own reflection; his voice broken. “I ... I have never ...” His throat tightened, choking off the words momentarily. She looked so open and loving at him, a look he had sought so long to find. “I know not how to please you,” his head dropped in surrendered and humiliated resolution; “I have never lain with a woman”. Now she knew he was not the man she had thought him to be. She would laugh, laugh and leave him to his own self pity. Life proved once more it's cruel desire to stretch him to breaking and then toss him aside like so much rubbish on the street. His hands releasing her face and folded dejectedly in his lap prepared to receive her scorn.

 

 

Corin

Surrendered

[Lavinya]

She had been given a new start. How or why, Lavinya didn't know, but here, she had been granted a fresh start. To have love, and a man so sweet and as yet untouched. Corin was a gift, one she had so long craved for and needed. There was no hiding the shock at the revealing of Corin's virginity, she had not imagined it to be so. He was enough to make any young woman's heart flutter; strong and handsome, intelligent and good. How was it that he had not succumbed to another's wiles? He was meant for Lavinya. Surely, he was her new beginning.

 

Love overwhelmed her as she gazed at Corin's downcast face, the shadows dancing across his profile. Smiling gently, she tilted his face up with her fingertips, and sought out his gaze. His eyes smouldered as they met hers, an alluring mix of desire and passion, mingled with caution and shame. "You bring me such pleasure Corin, without ever needing to try." Her thumbs brushed gently over the sultry curve of his lower lip, begging to be kissed, promising such pleasure.

 

"I don't care about your past, or lack there of. I care about you. Here, and now." Lavinya's voice was filled with emotion as she sought to put the beatings of her heart into words, the sound soft and fragile. And she leaned closer, arms sliding about Corin's neck as her lips found his once more, so hot and welcoming beneath her own, striking sparks that promised to consume her with their passionate heat. She felt his arms close about her smaller frame, so strong, so warm, enveloping her in his embrace and holding her close. It was so right, so very right. Desire thundered in her ears as she lost herself to the moment; all her attention focused on the love they were sharing, the giving and taking of physical pleasure speaking more acutely than words alone could ever possibly define.

 

How long they stayed that way, Lavinya couldn't tell. Time had stopped, or at least mattered nought, as the pair simply indulged in the physical union of their mouth, their bodies pressed close so that Lavinya could feel the thump of Corin's heart against her chest, beating in time with her own. Memory matched present and was exceeded, as the at once familiar yet excitingly new taste and scent of Corin invaded her senses, overwhelming her and setting her to a fever pitch. Her own fingers were shaking, so strong was her need. To be one with the man she loved, to start fresh, with no past, no hurt, no manipulative wiles - a pure and sweet union of souls, intertwined in love's embrace.

 

Breathless, Lavinya freed her lips, trailing them over the strong column of Corin's throat, tasting and savouring. "Never have I wanted - no needed someone so much as I need you." She whispered against his skin, as her small, deft fingers set about unfastening his jacket, allowing them free reign to caress the taut skin of his chest, pushing aside clothing to bear him to her gaze. "You are so beautiful..." She murmured, awe stricken as the moonlight danced over the toned contours of her tower guard, the muscles sculpted from so many hours of training, power trapped in such an enticing package. Lavinya had known many a man intimately, many handsome men, but nothing compared to what the image of Corin was doing to her heart, to her body.

 

And all at once she was caught up once again, fire raging anew as Corin's mouth descended to hers once more, consuming her with the heat and passion he conveyed. She was close, yet not close enough, hands roaming over the smooth plains of his back, seeking and yearning for what only he could give - the kindred spirit that would make her whole at last.

 

"I love you Corin..."

 

 

Lavinya

Consumed

[Lavinya]

It was only a matter of time before his heart would lay ripped open and trod on. Even Sirayn would cast him out after hearing of the pathetic man lacking knowledge and worth of anyone’s love. He was a tool. Designed and built by the Creator, spun out from the wheel at just such a time as the Creator’s need. He was here to defend the Tower, to defend the Aes Sedai, to give his life in place of the Mothers. Yet here he was, lost like a child to his mind’s dark desires. Some how, though he followed the light, the Father of Lies had found a way to slip in this dark seed. Watched as it germinated into thoughts and desires that he should not have for one he was sworn to protect. He was to place his life before her’s to ensure she continued. Not use her life for his own wrenched warmth and lust. Perhaps if he had approached Sirayn sooner with the truth …

 

Silky soft fingertips slipped down the line of his jaw. Lightly lifting his chin to bring his eyes, still alight with the unnatural heat she filled him with, to lock with her own. His minds betrayal complete and openly apparent for her to see. Her voice was soft, filled with a smokey heat he had not noticed before. The words seemed to touch thoughts and emotions deep inside that he had never known exsited. It was as if she was taking him on a journey to unknown places in his own mind. Drawing up and displaying to him emotions he had never imagine possible.

 

The sudden contact of her lips to his own feed the fire within even more as his arms circled her of their own intent. His mind could no longer keep up logical thinking. He could feel her profile pressed against him as his arms pulled her in tight. This was what she wanted, it had to be. Is it what I want? Do I know any more? Fleeting thoughts of rational logic rose like delicate bubbles only to pop in the hurricane of emotions Lavinya drew from him.

 

Air sucked deeply into lungs burning from the length of their union. His breath was beginning to be raged as shivers raced through his spine, his neck pimpling at the touch of her heated breath. She spoke to him, but only mummers reached his mind; broken words, ”needed” and ”beautiful” the only two to register against the fever consuming his mind. His fingers trembled in his lap, laced and unlaced in nervous tension. Not knowing what they were suppose to do.

 

Her eyes seemed to consume his entire being as they traveled over his body, a blush over powering the heat he felt as he squirmed slightly under her gaze. This was foreign, unfamiliar ground and no one had been close in their description as to how he would feel when he found it. The words they used could not even come within Dragonmount’s size to the actual chaos that held him in this place. He sought his mind for a solution, for what she would expect of him and found empty awe in its place. Even his hands seemed afraid to touch her again; afraid the dream would end and he would find himself alone and scorned.

 

She look at him once more, eyes so penetrating and openly wanton. This was not the look of an Aes Sedai. The cool and controlled expression of one who offered logic and wisdom to kings and queens. This was not the look of any women he had seen before. The urge to flee, hide from her roving gaze, welled up inside. He still could not find an answer in the smoke that filled his thoughts. Leaning in his lips sealed to hers once more, a desperate move for a man lost. Welcomingly he drown under the firm contact of their lips new dance.

 

Trembling fingers found the delicate buttons at the back of her dress and retreated only to find them again. He knew he wanted to gaze on her now, needed to, she had built such a desire to see her true shape. But unsure, his fingers refused to complete the task of separating button from loop. Breaking their embrace once more, his eyes glanced hungrily over the prize sitting next to him before he could force them to her own. “I want … I want you.” His voice trembled in a mix of heat and fear. “I do not believe I can resist the need you have created in me Lavinya.” His fingers rose to touch her arm, slid over the cloth at her waist. “From the moment we met you have stirred an emotion in me I could not place. I still do not understand, but I know right here and now I want you.” His hands grasped her’s firmly, a childish plea slipping into the heat of his eyes, “ please, show me how to love you.”

 

 

Corin

Scared and Wanton

 

[Lavinya]

Lavinya smiled slowly, a curving of her full, kiss-swollen lips, filled with warmth and barely veiled desire. An urge to laugh struck her, but she fought against it; now was no such time, absurd a situation as it may be. Lavinya Morganen, Aes Sedai, woman, stricken with love and lust alike, all for what must be the most innocent man in the guard. Truly, he was a gift. And more truly, did Lavinya burn with wanting, with her need of him. All her experience, all the other men, they meant nothing. This was what mattered. This was her heart's desire, embodied in the sculpted contours and planes of the most beautiful man she had ever known.

 

Leaning forward, Lavinya brushed her lips against Corin's, a soft caress which teased them both with its inadequacy. "I will teach you all you wish to know..." and with that, she stood. Her eyes remained fixed to his, though she was aware of the way the moonlight illuminated his partially unclothed torso, the way his chest heaved under his unsteady breath; it matched her own. Already Lavinya missed the intimate contact, and wanted nothing more than to throw aside finesse and launch herself into Corin's awaiting arms once more, but Corin deserved for this to be a most memorable evening, not just a quick tumble in the ogier grove. Not like anything Lavinya had known before either, quickly drawing her mind back from the past to the present, to the future.

 

The grass was cool beneath Lavinya's feet after she stepped out of her satin slippers, leaving them along with her cloak on the rock as she moved to stand in front of Corin. A slight smile played about her lips as she felt the full hunger of his gaze as it roved over her frame, matched the hunger surging inside of her. It was by sheer force of will that Lavinya's movements were slow and deliberate, continuing what Corin had started, her bodice loosening and dipping as she finished with the delicate buttons at her back. Hands shaking, belying her controlled facade, pushed the delicate material so it was pooling about her feet, undergarments following so that she stood bare to his gaze, skin pebbling in the coolness of the night air.

 

"Corin." Lavinya breathed her lover's name, savoured in on her lips, as she took his hands and drew them to her. And thus his education in love began.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Satisfaction radiated from Lavinya, her smile full and genuine as it pressed against the naked skin of Corin's chest, his heart beat gradually slowing beneath her ear. Still the night was dark, yet Lavinya had no idea how long it would stay so, time had left her and she didn't know how long they had been enamoured with one another. Indeed, Corin had proved a quick and eager student, the warmth and satiated haze that fogged Lavinya's mind evidence to the fact. They lay resting now, entangled upon the soft velvet of her cloak, surrounded by the hushed tranquility of the grove, nature lulling them now, even as it had helped to entice them before.

 

Lavinya's heart swelled anew in her chest as she lifted her head to gaze at Corin's face, the gentle fall of his lashes against his cheek giving him a softer appearance, a slight smile of what could be wonder touching his lips. His eyes flickered open to meet hers, the deep green pools causing Lavinya to lose herself in happiness once more, happiness that he and he alone could bring. How had she been so fortunate, to find a love such as this? And to think, life would always be like this, once they bonded.

 

Smiling fondly, Lavinya sat up on her elbow, her other hand softly stroking the slight stubble on the chin of her lover as she leant to kiss him softly, sweetly, tenderly; all her love poured out in the simple touching of lips and brush of tongue. "How you ever imagined you could be less than most pleasing is beyond my comprehension, Corin." Lavinya laughed softly, a sultry sound laced with intimate knowledge of what pleasures they had shared. Indeed, this was a night Lavinya would not soon forget, already images and remembered sensation were stirring her blood anew. This was a passionate man, her love. Ahh, if only the night could continue for an eternity; then life would be truly perfect.

 

 

Lavinya

Satiated.

 

[tismeb4u]

Her lips were soft heat, yet they barely contacted his before fleeing, her promise thick with desire. Now, now he would find the truth to all the stories he had heard in the barracks and taverns. Now he would know the warmth of a woman and understand why men sought it so lustfully. Here he would begin his education in a foreign art. His body trembled with anticipation; the strange need still gripping his blood with an unnatural fever. But her hands slipped from his, soft delicate warmth gone, the cool night air replacing their touch. Eyes searched her’s as she stood afraid this was the moment he dreaded. This is where she would laugh at his inadequacy and leave him alone in the dark with the shame.

 

But she did not leave him. Her slippers came free of her feet and were placed delicately next to the cloak. How she could remain so calm, so decisively slow in her movements bewildered him. Even as she moved in front of him, his eyes devoured her body. His hands burned to tear away the cloth covering her and let his eyes fest on her true form. His mind was a chaos of confusion, was it right to feel this way? How could he have such thoughts about one he was to protect? Did all men feel the need to rip the cloth from their desire or was he especially touched by the Dark One’s own thoughts? It raced a shiver down his spine that stopped suddenly as Sirayn’s soft unconscious face bloomed in his mind. Did he want that from her, could he feel such need from her?

 

The thought was brief; his eyes demanded his minds attention, the soft fabric of the dress slipping slowly from her true form. Indeed, he no longer cared what the world thought, what other men thought. His whole focus, beyond beat of heart and draw of breath, solidified on Lavinya before him. His mouth was dry and his hands trembled but he could not take his eyes from her. His name; how sweet a sound his name from her lips. Corin let himself be drawn to her and lost his identity in her teachings, reason, for the moment lapsed from conscious thought.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Slowly the world around him returned to focus. Dark shadows of the trees who had witnessed the carnal act began to take shape. The silver ray’s of the moon registering in the fog of his mind. Never before had he know such sensations; the burst of an illuminator’s night flower behind tightly shut eyes. It had all been over powering, and yet he could not deny that he enjoyed it, wanted it still. The sound of his own blood still surging in his veins still cut most of night’s creature’s sounds. He had been taught a lesson; whether he passed or failed at the moment he could care not.

 

He could feel the beat of Lavinya’s heart through the soft contact of her neck against his side. It still beat with excursion but no longer raced. He would have to try and remember to ask about that later, that and the strange relaxed warmth that held him. He closed his eyes once more and drew again the warmth from their entwined contact. Perhaps the pattern would find grace in allowing the night to play on for eternity. Never have to face the dawn and the duties it held. He felt her head leave his chest, his eyes opening to meet her’s. The look that filled them pulled at him though he could not describe it. Something beyond peace and happiness.

 

He resented the separation until her lips met his once more. He followed her lead as he had done all night; tried to drown once more but the contact was short before again separation met him. Confusion touched his eyes briefly, had he done something wrong. But her words eased his mind and renewed the smile on his face. So openly uplifting and supportive, something at great odds to the woman he was to swear his life to. The suddenness of the intrusive thought brought with it remembered images. How would he explain this to her? Did he want to? This was the place he should be, the feelings he should feel. She loved him; had stated it with her own mouth, with her actions. She had taken the time to understand him, to open up to him and share a deeper part of herself. The smile returned again, had taught him about a heat so intense by right he should be burned to a crisp. That was what he wanted, to hold her in his arms and never leave this place, this feeling.

 

But the images would not leave him, the grey eyes watching again his every thought. “Oh Lavinya …” the words a slight whisper from betraying lips. “How can you cause such an incredible and over powering force in me.” Yet I cannot keep you like this. Not while I still repair damage to another. Another I must serve in a way that will likely be even closer then this. Thankfully his mind had the sense to still his tongue before it could further betray his internal turmoil. “I am lost and I don’t know if I ever want to be found.”

 

He would have to face her. How would he justify this to her? How could he possible expect her to understand his weakness to the woman that now rested beside him; could feel her eyes still on him. His glace moved to the cooling deep brown pools of Lavinya’s eyes. She regarded him so openly, so welcomingly. How was he to tell her, to explain how he was tied to another. A bond is a bond, why not Lavinya. Her life is precious to you, She holds a part no other woman will ever be able to touch now that she has shown you such intimacy. But the Tower and the world, they need Sirayn. The woman that has taught you so much; the woman that you have already pledged to if not verbally. How can you go back on that? Tormenting chaos began to ebb back into his mind as the sweet heat of their joining continued to cool. “Can be as one …” bonded she will know my thoughts and emotions and I hers. I may even finally know her heart.

 

Lavinya’s fingers moved lightly over his chest and drew his eyes and mind back to the present and the intensity of the time they had just shared. He offered her a warm smile, his hand gently stroking her beautiful red locks. Somehow he had to tell her. “Thank you for the most amazing of lessons. I only hope I have returned half of what you have given me this night.”

 

Linten

Lost again

 

 

 

 

 

[Lavinya]

Lavinya regarded Corin with a smile, her heart swelling at his soft words. His eyes were deep pools of wonder and contentment, and something else she could not pin-point. It had never been this way before, such intense happiness mingling with the satiation she felt. She had never felt so close to someone before, and she knew the reason was she had never shared her heart and her body with anyone before. It sounded as though Corin was as enraptured as she, the beat of his heart steady and comforting beneath her fingertips.

 

Beaming at his words, Lavinya nuzzled Corin's neck, caressing the warm skin with her lips as she snuggled against his hard frame. "I was lost, before," Lavinya murmured, her lips kissing playfully up to the sensitive skin of his ear, nipping the lobe gently with her teeth. "But now I have been found." She purred the words softly, teasing him with her warm breath. "I have never experienced anything so wonderful as your inspiring touch, or the heat of your kiss..." Mischief dancing in her eyes, Lavinya sought out his lips once more, pressing her smaller body close to his as she lost herself to swiftly renewed desire and the intimate dance of lips and tongue.

 

She had indeed been found, caught up from the surging storm of her isolation and loneliness; even now she clung to Corin like the life line that he was. No one else had been able to penetrate her barriers, the arrogance she wrapped about her like a cloak. Truth be told, no one else had cared to try, save to find their way into her bed. And many had been there, she was now ashamed to admit, but none had saved her along the way, shown her the real woman she was inside. And more, Corin seemed to like what he saw, appreciated the girl she had kept hidden. How she would ever thank him fully she did not know, but perhaps she could make a start.

 

It was sometime before Lavinya managed to speak again, and when she did her breathing was ragged once more, desire singing through her veins as she gazed on her lover with hungry eyes, the matching need in his emerald gaze fanning the flames all the more. "If you think your lessons are complete, you are sadly mistaken, my love." Laughing huskily, Lavinya gave in to the insistent tugging of Corin's hands and willingly went once more into his arms, using what gifts she possessed to profess her love without words.

 

 

                                                                ~ ~*^*~ ~    ~ ~*^*~ ~    ~ ~*^*~ ~    ~ ~*^*~ ~

 

 

The night was ending. Lavinya could have wept, as she gazed up at the sky, her mass of red curls spread out beneath her head like wildfire. It had been so perfect, all she could have dreamed of, and yet so much more. Indeed perhaps she would have wept, if she thought this were the end. But it was just a beginning. The last of the stars was only just visible, soon the sky would lighten and they would part. But there would be other nights, an eternity of moments to cherish. Lavinya prayed a silent prayer of thanks to the Creator, for blessing her with such a love as this.

 

Lavinya doubted she would ever cease smiling, as she turned her eyes and met the studying gaze of the man she loved so completely, who in turn had also loved her so thoroughly this night. "I wish this moment never had to end." She murmured honestly, lifting a callused palm to her face so she could kiss it gently; skilled, tender hands indeed. In reality all things must eventually come to an end, good and bad alike. But she could hold on to what she had found. She could bond him, if he would have her, of course. He had been the one to mention it earlier, did he have the same thoughts? As soon as the idea returned to her, she itched to ask him, to bond him here and now, to let him feel the love she held in her heart flowing through their bond, more intimate than even husband and wife could boast. But she did not want to botch it, ruining this moment would forever haunt her.

 

"I love you." The words were so simple, yet managed to convey the beating of her heart. Lavinya smiled and kissed him once, a sweet, tender embrace, different from the passionate kisses from before. Lifting her head, she smiled, her eyes conveying the truth of her words. "It will be light soon." Reluctantly she rose, quelling the tiny voice that questioned why Corin had not yet professed any such sentiment for her; but she would not hear it now. She would not ruin this moment, this night, with any silly fears.

 

Gathering Corin's shirt from where she had carelessly thrown it earlier, she tossed it to him with a playful grin, completely unashamed in her own nakedness as she stepped into her dress once more. Tilting her head to one side, she watched as Corin redressed also, a light blush on his cheeks as she openly admired his physique before it was again hidden by cloth and leather. "Can you help with my buttons?" She asked innocently, presenting her bare back to the handsomely rumpled guard. He obliged her, the light brush of his fingers on her skin a pleasurable torment. Still she smiled, the simple act of helping her dress pleasing in it's intimacy. Of course she could have easily done the task herself, but she preferred it this way. Having been so close, she was loathe to part from him.

 

When it was done she stepped into her shoes, and carefully placed her cloak about her shoulders. Corin held out his hand to her and she accepted it's contents, slipping the great serpent ring back onto her finger. Funny, in all the years of wearing it, she had not missed it this night. It had been a symbol of who she was for so long, but Corin had helped changed that. It was not who she was, any more than his sword defined him. They were man and woman first; two who just happened to be Aes Sedai and Oath sworn Guard. Lavinya... Stepping close, she silenced Corin with a finger on his parted lips. "Shhh..." Rising on her toes, she replaced her fingers with the soft brush of her lips. "Please say you will meet me tomorrow." And so her eyes pleaded with him. Let the night stay as it was, tomorrow they would talk, and she would ask if he would be hers. "Please?"

 

 

Lavinya

In Love

 

[tismeb4u]

Corin had heard it said that the touch of a nobles silk against the skin was like the fluttery softness of butterfly wings upon the skin. As Lavinya lightly kissed her way up his neck he was sure that nobles silk would feel like burlap compared to the soft sensuous texture that fluttered over his skin. It was as if the wheel itself had stopped time and granted him this one gift in life. To know a free and willing love without gain or game to shadow it's transference between them. What he had done to receive this gift he no longer cared. His only thought was that of the contact between them. The contrasting sudden pain that flamed in his earlobe briefly from her teeth only seemed to shoot a raw edge of exhilaration through him. How was it she knew his body so well though this was the first time they had shared such intimacy? In fact it was the first time he had ever been this intimate with any woman, how was it she could be so satisfied with him. He felt like he was trying to tie the laces of a ball gown with the heavy mitts of winter duty. So awkward it must be for her. But the warmth and outpouring in her eyes for him eased the thought to the back ground and away as his hand lightly pulled at her elbow.

 

She was a vision of beauty even with the mass of red curls matted to her cheek and brow. His free hand brushed them lightly from her face, emerald gaze watching each one move to reveal more of the soft high cheek bones that made up the Creator's masterpiece. The delicate dance their lips accomplished made even the steps of a grandmaster sluggish and awkward. He had never imagine that such complete satiation could be reached through a passion filled kiss as that which Lavinya engaged him in. He could loose his entire being in that meeting alone and never miss the day that passed. Like a flower opening tender peddles to the radiant sun. Corin had opened himself to Lavinya and the lessons of life and love. Had anyone voiced it before he had met her in the garden that he would be secreted away in a small clearing like this he would have laughed. Even after that first shaky meeting he still would not have believed the path would lead to this. The strictures of the Aes Sedai that she held as an honored title was long gone. For a time now he had not seen her as such. Only the woman, the sweet child looking to be found. That was what Corin knew her as, envisioned each time he saw her. It was the same sweet girl he had been willing to protect against the hormone infested men that chased after her skirt with thoughts of their own pleasure in mind. Now it was his mind that was lost.

 

His arms encircled her and pulled her tighter to him involuntarily. That was not what her purpose was. The creator had not placed her here for other men's pleasure; a toy to be used and tossed aside. She had far to much love to offer if they would only slow down enough to take the time to see that. See the child that lurked behind the facade and wanted desperately to be loved. He loved her, but he loved another as well. How much of this was really love and not the searing heat she created in his blood. He had know he loved her before she had begun these lessons. He just seemed to feel closer with her now. But even that closeness, the oneness they had shared, that he wanted to share again, could not break the fact he could not give over his heart entirely to her. Even in the passion filled haze that was his mind Sirayn lurked. Slate gray eyes disapproving and harsh watched and recored his every weakness to use against him when the time was right.

 

When their lips finally separated and eyes found equaled need in the other the small twinge of reason that had been building fluttered away like ash on a wind. There was only two lovers under the Creator's night canopy sharing the precious gift oneness bestrode on them for the time span that existed as long as the suns rays did not kiss the horizon. He trailed kisses over her bare shoulder to the nape of her neck and relished the pimpling of her skin under the contact of his breath. The sigh from lips barely parted, full from their dance with his own, encouraged him further. Rolling them both over, Lavinya in his arms, he looked down into the deep brown pools for a moment with awe; “I would not trade this night for anything this age or any other could offer. Thank you Lavinya Morganen. You are a very precious woman.” Sealing his words to her with a kiss he let her lead him again in the art of love and entwinment.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The cool air of a pending dawn chilled the droplets of sweat still lingering on his body from the exertion of their sharing. She had taught him well and loved him even better. Her hair matted and damp spread out like a crowning fan around her head, his finger once more sweeping stray stands from her forehead. He was propped up on an elbow studying the soft feature of her face and the intricate lines that gave it such exquisite shape. She looked so peaceful laying there, her breath still slightly rapid as she recovered. Pride filled Corin that he could return such wondrous pleasure to her in kind and the smile of her face lit her eyes with such happiness. The light press of lips to his hand surging contentment through him a new. If only the night could stay with them longer, hold her near him for a spell more. But the wheel waited on no one in it's turning and the pattern flowed forth in a continuous river of lives twined and un-twined with out beginning or end.

 

From somewhere unseen he could feel the thread of fear growing in the pit of his stomach. A thread that was continuing to grow in their after glow. A fear that he may not be able to refuse her should she request anything of him, including his very life. Ice shot through him at the reality of the moment and the promise he still held to another. Her words should have been honey to his ears. She loved him, more then words her true emotions flowed heavy through those three little words. But all he could offer her was a warm rich smile to try and cover the treachery that lurked in his mind. His tongue itched to betray his love for her as well. But ironically it was the steal cold training of the one he had promised himself to that allowed him to still it.

 

The instant she separated from him and began to dress he craved her return and felt relief in their separation at the same time. The hurricane of emotions that had plagued him before this journey began from the armory were beginning to return and gaining power as they did. As he stood to dress he felt her eyes roaming his body again and could not stop the flush that heated his cheeks while he stole glances at her silhouette in the soft moonlight. Once more he had to figure out how to explain to her his true life's path; would he ever be able to explain this to Sirayn? The thought sent a shiver through him he tried to hid as a reaction of his cooling skin. With his clothes loosely in place, she requested his services once more. The request strangely had him nervous and fumbling like a new child with the small buttons, her skin feeling warm and tender to his finger tips. How she so simple enraptured him this night was mind boggling.

 

Collecting the sword from where Lavinya had tossed it at the beginning when he had tried to explain how he had a future different then what she envisioned, brought his eyes upon the great serpent ring. The ring she had haphazardly tossed at the same time; the symbols of what they had become. Regardless of the people they were deep down and the dream they were living now. Duty and reality awaited them both with the sun's rising. Once they left this grove they would return to what they were, an honored and wise Aes Sedai accompanied by a guard of the Tower sworn to the protection of all that called the Tower home. All included the one woman who despised his touch almost to the extent Lavinya seemed to cherish it. He handed the ring back to Lavinya and took her hand. It could wait no longer. He had to tell her the trouble and torment that she had brought on herself by loving him. “Lavinya ..” Her finger quickly sealed his lips and a moment later were replaced with her own. But only a brush in comparison to the exchanges they had already shared, a brush that still left him wanting the contact to continue.

 

Her plea to him tugged deeply at his core, still she wanted to know him. She of such hight and wealth of knowledge still wanted to see the lowly guard; a human shield, life sacrificed for another. As much as it should not be, as much as he could not meet her. Corin could equally not refuse her and so in silence he nodded acceptance and turned back toward the path they had entered on; her arms wrapped around one of his own as she lent close to his frame. The walk back to the yard was decisively short, The regal Aes Sedai appearing from the path; slipping from his arm to walk in perfect normalcy at his side. He accompanied her to the steps of the Tower before stopping to gaze in her eyes once more and let them share a last exchange of tonights closeness. Part of him longed to reach out and draw her back in but instead he offered her a formal bow. “Lavinya Sedai, it has been an honor and an extreme pleasure to have accompanied you this evening. I look forward to our discussions later in the day with trepidation.” He did not lie,but the nervousness was in how he would explain everything to her. He had allowed himself to slip. An error that would gravely change the relationship between them and most likely cost them both great heart ache.

 

With one last long look he turned on heel and slipped back into the waining night. Dawn would be arriving on the horizon soon and with it the return of life to the yard and the Tower. He had much to think about and by right. Much self punishment for what he had done to a wonderful innocent woman.

 

 

Corin,

Troubled mind returns