Talking it Out - Part 2 (Attn: Lillian)

[Taei]

Taei didn't sleep after failing at her second shot at making Accepted. Pacing back and forth in her room she was amazed that she didn't wake up her roomate. She kept going over it in her mind. What is wrong with me? It's simple, just walk through the arch and take it as it comes. Still the fear if more nightmares like she had before kept her pacing the floor nervously.

 

Finally, the sky started to lighten with the first rays of daylight. There was a thick mist still and it looked like it might rain. A dreary day to fit my dreary mood. Thinking about the last time she had been called for the test she thought about Lillian.

 

"That's it!" quickly quiting as her roomate finally groaned and rolled over Taei got herself ready to meet a day that she was dreading.

 

---

 

Finally she managed to get herself out of her room and put on a semi-composed face. Stopping at Lillian's door she knocked. By the light, I hope she's there! Trying not to fidget she waited.

[Wayfarer]

Looking out the window, the light drizzle that was falling was relaxing... And a distraction. Frowning, Lillian tried to focus on her work, something that was proving more and more difficult. Even on the farm she had had free days, well, relatively free, when most of the work was done save for those things which were done daily. Light, but if she di-

 

"Thank the Creator." The knock on the door meant she had no choice but to answer it, and if she had to answer it she couldn't do her work. Quickly putting her books in a neat stack, Lillian rushed over to the door. Opening it, Lillian smiled broadly as she saw who it was. "Come in, come in."

 

Stepping out of the way, Lillian was glad to have Taei visit. While they mainly saw each other at meals, there were times they managed to get a chance to visit each other and talk privately. Taei was quickly proving to be someone who could keep things to herself, and that was something that Lillian appreciated. That wasn't to say she had found a person to spill her every thought to, she doubted she'd ever be able to do that. But being able to speak without having to worry that it may be taken badly was a welcome thing.

 

Sitting in the middle of the bed as Taei took the foot of the bed for herself, Lillian grinned. "So, usually you come by in the evenings, what is the special occasion?"

 

 

Lillian Tremina

[Taei]

Taei relayed the story of what happened to her the night before. About being called again for her arches and just.... freezing. "I couldn't sleep and now.... I'm here." Taei just looked out the window still frozen for the most part. Wanting to pace, wanting to scream, but her body wasn't allowing her to do anything. It was like she was wrapped up inside a bubble in her mind with all the emotions and feelings flowing through her mind, but not touching her.

 

Twice... No wonder Taei was worried, missing the first chance was one thing, many people did, but passing the second time, you only had one last chance left. Furthermore she was highly strung, and Lillian only knew so many ways to help with that. Thankfully, one of those means was available. "Before I say anything else, how much of today do you have to work by yourself Taei?"

 

Startled back to the here and now, Taei had to think for a moment before responding. "I was supposed to be researching today." Curiousity was even beyond her at that moment.

 

Nodding, Lillian grinned. "Trust me? Then close your eyes for me and count to ten."

 

Looking at Lillian crossways for a minute Taei finally conceded. Closing her eyes she started counting. "One.... two..." At that point she felt Lillian get up from the bed and move across the room. "Three... four... five..." Something in the room was opened. "Six... seven... eight..." Hearing a box or chest or someting shut Taei started to wonder what Lillian had up her sleeves. "Nine.. ten. Can I open them now?"

 

"Wait." Jumping back on the bed, Lillian grinned as she sat a bit closer to Taei and put what she'd recovered down. "Ok. Open your eyes and look down."

 

Opening her eyes she looked down and saw a bottle of wine and two cups. "I'm not one to drink..." She couldn't raise the curiosity to even ask where the bottle came from.

 

Raising an eyebrow, Lillian took up the bottle and began working at the cork with her thumbs as she spoke with a steel she rarely showed. "Thats a shame, because today you don't get a choice. We are going to talk about what happened, and we're going to have a drink while we do so." Freeing the cork, Lillian sat the cork with its top down on her bedstand so as not to leave a mark. "Now pick a cup and hold it while I pour."

 

Still floating outside herself she automattically followed the orders she was given. Picking up a cup she sat and watched Lillian pour the wine into it.

 

Pouring herself a cup in turn, Lillian leaned over the side of the bed and put the bottle on the ground. Lifting her cup, she touched hers with Taei's as she spoke. "Now drink."

 

Taei looked at the wine in the cup for a second, then took a mouthful. The wine had a seasoned taste to it. She had only had wine like that once or twice in her life. Always on a very special occasion.

 

Downing a rather unladylike amount in one go, Lillian looked to Taei as she spoke without the earlier steel. "You've told me what happened last night, but you haven't told me the why yet. Why did you choose not to go through? The same as before?"

 

Looking down at her cup for a moment she started talking, still no emotion, just the facts. She couldn't seem to get 'her' back together again. It was like she was two people, both there, both aware, but only one able to move or speak. "You can disappear and never come back." With that simple answer she downed the rest of her cup and put it back down in her lap. Looking at the cup again and lost in her own weird world of fellinglessness.

 

Finishing off her own cup, Lillian leaned over the bed and reclaimed the bottle. Returning the bottle after refilling the cups, Lillian broke the silence. "It is only a few who go through the arches that never return. A very few, most who fail do so because they cannot complete all three arches. If the chance were so great of novices being lost, they would not use the arches as their test."

 

Taei let her cup be refilled. She listened to Lillian and then thought over what she had just said. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense." Taei took her cup and downed the whole thing in one gulp. Starting to feel the effects a little bit she could feel the bubble that she was in start to waiver like the feelings were starting to leek back through. Suddenly she felt a single tear roll down her cheek, she had no idea when she had started crying, or even why.

 

Finishing her drink a bit quicker than she would have liked, Lillian put the cup aside and moved closer to Taei. Pulling her to one shoulder, she let Taei lean on her as the tears came. Wine had been the way to do it when she was younger, and some things never changed. Usually it took longer, but as Taei had said, she wasn't a drinker. It was awhile before Taei's shuddering began to subside, which was Lillian's cue as she pulled away slightly with a mischevious grin as she caught Taei's eye. "I feel like a handkerchief." Laughing at the look she got, Lillian patted Taei's arm as she spoke. "You feeling a bit better now that you've let it out?"

 

She did feel better, but at the same time ashamed a bit. "Yes." It was all that she was able to muster as she tried to dry her eyes. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and knew that she must be blushing. She looked back down at the cup in her hand. It must be the wine that did it. Must be...

 

"Good." Reaching for the bottle again, Lillian poured as she spoke. "You didn't do this the first time you came to me, or any of the subsequent times we saw each other. First way to face fear is to accept it, you've done that." Words her parents had spoken to her, they were painful to use, but at the same time it was her way of remembering them.

 

Taei listened as she watched the glasses refill. "I know that's it's stupid, the whole thing has been stupid. Fear is irrational and well, for some reason that ter'angreal brings it out everytime." Taei sighed as she took a more moderate sip of the wine handed to her. "I know it's simple, that all I have to do is get it overwith and deal with things as they come. But knowing and doing are two different things." Taking another sip she kept her eyes fixated on her cup.

 

Shaking her head, Lillian disagreed altogether. "No, no, no. Fear is rarely irrational, and you're scared for a good reason. Creator knows, I'm scared of those arches as well, there is that chance that you might not make it through. But it is the only way forward, and after all these years of work would you want to give up now? They don't just throw us at those arches, they prepare us beforehand. We just have to trust that they know when we are ready."

 

Again, what Lillian said made sense. "I know, the only choices are to go through or be put out next time. And I would hope that they made sure we were prepaired enought to make it through." Thinking about it a little more her mood started to lighten a tad. "I know that there's some that have been known to spend a lot longer before being called. I guess I should be flattered." With that she let a small smile come to her face. "I guess third time's the charm, hum?"

 

Taei Mirel

 

Lillian Tremina

[Wayfarer]

Lillian smiled in return. "Yes it is. And you should be flattered, I'm still wearing my whites and haven't even been offered my first arches yet. Obviously you're doing something right that I'm not." In truth, Lillian had her own suspicions as to why she hadn't been asked to take her arches, but that was another matter altogether. Besides, now was the time for encouraging Taei, not a moment for self pity and frustration.

 

Feeling her friend's frustration, Taei thought she needed a little encouragement of her own. "I'm sure that you'll get your turn soon." She grinned at Lillian and continued. "After all, they can only keep us waiting so long." Pausing for a moment Taei couldn't help but worry a little about her next turn to do her arches. "I just hope that I can actually complete it next time." With that she took another sip from her cup. She knew that she was getting drunk, but she didn't really care at that point in time.

 

"You will." Reaching out and giving Taei's closest hand a squeeze, Lillian smiled. They had been kind words on Taei's part, but they brought her arches closer no quicker. But, when they happened, they happened. "See? I told you the wine was a good idea."

 

"I guess so." Starting to feel a little tingly Taei didn't know what to say other than that. The wine added to the crying and the numbness made her a tad sleepy, but she knew she couldn't sleep. It was a weird feeling, but not exactly an unpleasant one. Looking out the window she noticed that awhile had came by since she had left her room, but it didn't seem to really matter, either.

 

There's something I'm forgetting... The voice of her conscience seemed to be bugging her all of a sudden. Unable to shake the feeling that she was supposed to be somewhere else. Trying to figure out what it was she tried to figure out what time it was. It was getting close to the noon meal. "I guess we had better get ready for lunch. They should be calling us shortly." What she was missing still bugged her, but she couldn't figure it out. Putting the cup down she tried to stand up and almost fell over on the floor. "Well, maybe that's not such a good idea after all..."

 

Giggling, Lillian reached over the bed and held her hand out. "Take my hand and I'll help you up. And yes, I don't think we will be making the noon meal today. We must have been working so hard that we forgot the time."

 

Glad to have the support Taei took the hand extended and got up. When she could finally balance herself she let go. "I just hope that no Yellows see me and decide that I must be sick and need to be healed." Her lips twisted into a wry smirk as she thought about the troubles that would cause.

 

The thought gave Lillian another burst of giggles. "We would be a little hard pressed to explain it. You know, we do have a problem. There is still at least two cups each for us there, and we really need to have them, otherwise we can't get rid of the bottle. What if an Aes Sedai comes and finds it?" The thought that they could dispose of the bottle as it was, that was not a thought that occured to Lillian now.

 

Thinking for a second Taei managed to make one rational observation, but not even realize it. "Well, it will be hard to dispose of either way, but might as well not let it go to waste." With that Taei gave up on trying to balance and sat back down on the bed. It took too much effort to stand anyways.

 

Laughing, Lillian took up the cups and poured. It was a good hour later when she poured the last of the bottle. Another half hour later those cups were done, and she was able to secret away the signs of the plonk where she had hidden them to begin with, with Taei's eyes closed once more of course.

 

Lying on the bed, Lillian had to admit she was feeling a little sleepy, one of the risks that came with beginning one's drinking in the morning. Still, it had been worth it, and Taei was alot happier now than when she'd started. "Can open your eyes now. Light but I feel tired, how are you holding up?"

 

Taei felt good. Almost giddy. She was sleepy, but was even more relieved. Nothing could have went wrong at that moment and time, no matter what happened. With a dopey grin Taei managed to say, "Good. I feel good. I think I'm okay, but I don't think I could get up right now." The thought of her trying to weave her way to her room brought on a bout of giggles.

 

Giggling with Taei as Lillian imagined her trying to sneak by an Aes Sedai, it seemed they were going nowhere. "Oh dear, last time this happened, I had to sleep overnight in my friend's room so I would not be caught. That was after a few bottles though, we should be fine after an hour or so."

 

The thought of an Aes Sedai walking in on that slumber party left Taei breathless with laugter for a moment. Seeing the confused look on Lillian's face she explained and both of them collapsed in laughter. After they had control of themselves again, other than a snicker here or there, she spoke up. "We better find a way to get ourselves under control or else we'll have a dozen Aes Sedai coming in trying to figure out what's going on." Restraining the thought of a dozen Aes Sedai walking in she tried to keep a straight face.

 

The thought almost made her laugh, but there was a serious problem to it. If they kept making noise, someone would eventually come and look in, and they didn't need the attention. "We should probably sleep it off, I don't think I'm going to be able to stop laughing otherwise."

 

Getting a nod from Taei, Lillian grinned. At least there was no roommate, Taei could use her bed while she slept on the other one. "Stay here on this bed, I'll use that one." Getting to her feet, Lillian was rather ashamed of herself. There was a time she would never have felt unsteady after half a bottle. Slipping onto the bed, she was going to say something when sleep overtook her, Taei following a moment later.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

 

Taei Mirel