Life goes on (attn: Lillian)

[Arette]

It was the morning after the battle and Arette's mood was seriously subdued despite the victory. Now the cost was truly rubbing in after comforting her husband who bore heavily the responsibility of leading his kinsmen to death. And not just men, women too and their deaths were even harder on him even if none of them on this mission had had too young children anymore. But they had still had children and now they were motherless and even worse, some doubly orphans. Her heart went out for them. Yet more funerals in the family and so soon after Philip's death. Con had left already to lead his men who were still alive and she would have to go and meet the widows soon. But not yet. Her own list of duties and most of them conflicting weighted on her and she wanted to just spend a few quiet moment with her daughters and a sister she had not met in quite some time. Lillian had been an answer to a prayer, a solution to a problem and she was determined that the White would see that she was needed. She had so many other things to do and all of them equally important: more negotiations with master Farath and the blackcoats about the sewer project and she felt guilty for abandoning Sofia on her first difficult day. But she would go see her later and take Lillian with her. Right then family took precedence.

 

Rana and Cina were quite taken with Lillian and they were babbling at her speaking all over each others. They looked so cute there on her lap that she wanted to badly snatch one of them and hug her. Rana poked Cina and they whispered for a while on their secret twin language that she still couldn't understand and after a moment Cina nodded. Rana regarded Lillian seriously and then touched her breast. "Yours be bigger than Mama's."

 

"Do you be having babies, Lili?", Cina piped in turn. "We be wanting a little brother but Mama says she no be able to lay eggs anymore." The thought made her giggle as always and she now associated baby making with cooking and omelettes despite Arette's best attempts to explain it in some way that did not make her blush too badly and wasn't too much information for a three year old.

 

Finally able to shake off from her stunned and abhored state at their behaviour, Arette shrieked. "Karana Constanzia and Telcina Electra! You just don't speak of that kind of things when we have guests. You are excused from the company. Go to your room now and think on what you did wrong."

 

The girls pouted but they didn't protest knowing that if they did, they would not get dessert. They hugged Lillian before sliding off and Rana whispered. "You be telling us later then, miss Lili."

 

Turning to her Sister positively red faced, Arette began to apologise. "I am really sorry about that, Lillian. They are just three so they still blurt out things like that."

 

Arette Stavros

Exiled Brown Sister

[Arette]

While it had only been two days of incarceration, they had been like a year for Lillian and the chance to simply sit down and be was like having drifted into some paradise.  Not that there work had been done, even after she'd channeled to the point of pushing all limits, she had only slept to then wake up and do the same again.  Then asleep again last night, this morning there was still more to be done but thankfully it didn't involve her, or Arette for that matter.  All the while, Andular had stuck with Con with her blessing, she was safe and the last thing they needed was for Arette to lose her husband, he'd gotten enough scars at Tammuz Square to match the ones on his face, poor man.

 

Breakfast had been good, more than good, it had been dreamy.  She'd been eating every few hours ever since she'd been freed, yet satisfying the voracious appetite had been rewarding in the form of her motor control slowly returning.  If it kept going at the pace it had been, she was certain that when she returned to the White Tower that she would be for the most part back to her normal self.  Well, except for the memories, unkind ones that returned on occasion.  She didn't know why but it was the black coats of the companions, or the Asha'man, that kept triggering her memories of Ja'varan and the treatment.  It was one of the reasons that Arette had brought her back to the home in the Perfumed Quarters.

 

Another good reason was the children who were sitting in her lap.  Daughters, beautiful children who had been named well.  Leaning back in her arms, the two had their own language or so Arette had informed her.  They looked so serious when they did it, she would have been lying to herself if she said she didn't feel something within her soften as she watched the two.  What they said when they decided to resume normal language completely threw her though, it must have Arette as well because it was a moment before she responded with a side to her that Lillian was quite certain that she'd never seen.

 

Hugging the children as they slipped off her lap, Lillian was forced to bite her lip as Rana whispered in her ear.  Watching them leave, Lillian's lips were quirking but it was Arette's apology that caused her to laugh outright as she reached over and grabbed her hand.  "Its alright, they're children.  Light if they'd said much more I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face though."

 

Her eyes twinkling mischievously, Lillian added.  "Did you do that as a girl?"  Hahaha  Laughing inwardly at the look that got, Lillian let her hand go and leaned back.  "And you haven't told me I was right yet."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

White Sister

[Arette]

Giving Lillian's hand a thankful squeeze, Arette smiled at her a bit weakly. The girls managed to wring her on knots but she loved every moment of it. "Good thing that you didn't laugh. They are bad enough as they are are even without encouragment", she admitted with a fond smile. She would miss the spontaneity when they were older and hopefully would learn to behave as was expected... for the most of the time.

 

A shadow crossed her face when Lillian asked about her childhood. If she would have behaved like this, her mother would have spanked her, three years old or not. Love hadn't been abound in the house where she had grown up and Annele had been quite determined to turn her into a woman who would become a desireable obedient daughter and wife. She smiled wryly when Lillian reminded her of yet another embarrassing incident. After she and Karana had tried to make Lillian to retake her Oaths and she had failed to hold her with the One Power, Lillian had confronted her about her difficulties with saidar and suggested that she might be pregnant. That had brought about a fine tiff as she had been raw over Con and going through a depression about aging. She had been convinced that she had reached a menopause and called Lillian an inconsiderate brute and worse for even touching such a delicate matter.

 

"I thought that the evidence was kind of overwhelming and I wouldn't have to state the obvious", she remarked. "I would like to apologize for my behaviour, though. It was quite unacceptable and even if we weren't heart friend's who confided to each others about everything, it was still a friend's gesture to worry. I was quite insufferable in my last months in the Tower so I don't know why you even bothered." It had been a huge relief to get out of the Tower finally but the situation she had been thrust into had felt even worse. And with what had happened to Karana...

 

She reached to touch Lillian's hand again. "Not that I am not glad of it now. And glad to have you here. But lets not think of old things anymore, the present is quite a handful enough."

 

"What are your plans now, Lillian? Will you accompany me to the palace later today? You really do need to meet Princess Sofia... well, Queen Sofia now."

 

Arette Stavros

Exiled Brown Sister

[Arette]

It seemed that her attempt to sidetrack Arette hadn’t worked, though Lillian had thought that her run of luck wouldn’t last forever.  She’d remembered what Arette had said to her in that cell, and the woman had hinted at it a couple of other times but Lillian had managed to adroitly avoid such talk by using her terrible state of health or alternately she was too busy doing something else.  Now that she was sitting there, doing nothing but being and generally enjoying the fact she was alive, Arette had managed to return to the subject.

 

One of the advantages of having worked with Arette for so many years, indeed helping her try and fathom different possibilities, was that she’d learned to somewhat read the woman.  One thing in particular stood out about her, she was doggedly determined to discuss something once she’d decided it was going to be discussed, and if she’d decided something was an excellent idea then she wasn’t going to let it go easily.

 

But then, there was a vast difference between their positions now.  Back then, Arette had been the Keeper of Chronicles and Lillian had been, and still was considered, a young sister of the Tower.  Now Arette was an exile, married and her ties to the Tower for all intents and purposes non-existent.  Well, there wasn’t really that much difference, if Lillian had wanted to she could have hidden behind her Ajah but she had always chosen not to.  She certainly wasn’t going to hide behind her title and her Tower now, especially since she had absolutely no intentions of following that thought.

 

“I would, but there is a possibility that a trip to the Palace might be overly taxing and you wouldn’t want to risk impeding my recovery would you?” The look Arette gave Lillian told her that her entreaty, paired with a wan smile, had fallen far short of the mark and that attempted guilt trips were going to go nowhere.  Sighing, Lillian leaned back in her chair as she looked to her sister.

 

“I really, really, really do not need to meet Princess Sofia.  I’m of the White Ajah, for all intents and purposes I should leave this matter to a sister of the Gray Ajah who is better trained to deal with royalty and politics.”  A snort from Arette informed Lillian that that wasn’t fooling her either.  Still, it was worth trying.  “The Hall would have to ratify my appointment and it might be seen as presumptuous to say the least if I were to simply assume the role.  Not to mention the possible pol-“

 

“Alright.”  Waving away the warning look that she was getting now, Lillian sighed again.  “I can’t.  Even if I were ratified to the post, and the Hall most certainly would not pick me due to my youth, I would be obliged to follow any instruction I was given because I would be directly answerable to the Hall as the Tower’s representative here.  You do not want me in that position, and I most certainly do not want me in that position.”

 

“Besides, you’re here and you’ve been advising her well enough, she’s got her throne back now after all.  You advise her.”

 

 

Lillian Tremina

White Sister

[Arette]

Lillian was getting much better physically, she just did not want to go to the Palace and resorted to lame excuses. Appealing to not being a Gray Sister approached silliness with the way she had always defied the set roles of Ajahs. Lillian had tried to learn a bit of everything from all the Ajahs and she was an experienced player of the Great Game by now. Much better than Arette in fact but mainly because she didn't like to play but rather sorted matters out more directly and faster. Cutting to the core of the issue usually resulted in better results if it was just done tactfully enough.

 

"The Tower will not accept me in the position. They will send someone else sooner or later. If you got to know the Queen and she wished you to become her advisor, it would be seen as taking the initiative and striking when the iron was hot. You happened to be here and you acted. And the Tower would not risk endangering relationships with a new Queen by drawing her chosen advisor from her side even though they might still send someone else also."

 

"I can see why you wouldn't want to do it, though. It is not good to be in the position where all the factions of the Hall demand different things from you. Light, I don't want to do it either. I am tired of politics and nobles who play their little games while they could be doing far more important things like taking care of their people. That is what I have been doing in the Perfumed Quarters and what I want to keep doing still."

 

"I am hardly going to abandon Sofia entirely but I am not going to be glued to her side. There are other important things I need to do and the Tower will never acknowledge me as their representative to her." She tapped her lip thoughtfully. "If it won't be you, then there is another candidate actually. Helena has lived in Illian for long enough to give her credence and she has the experience."

 

"But you didn't really answer my question. What is your plan now?", she asked piercing Lillian with a gaze. "I'm sure that avoiding becoming the Hall's puppet wasn't the only reason to refuse. You have always liked to do things your way so what's the goal at the end of this road?"

 

Arette Stavros

Exiled Brown Sister

[Arette]

“Me?” Lillian held up her hands in front of her as if she were pleading innocence.  One of the problems with having known Arette for so long was that even though she could usually outguess the woman, having been put to work on enough projects for the woman had allowed her to learn that Lillian tended to have her own thoughts and ideas going on in turn.  But, she didn’t want to stray to those thoughts, at least not for the moment because it was as much diversionary on Arette’s part as it was interest.

 

“And you aren’t distracting me from my point.  I’ve met Helena before and I don’t think she would be an appropriate choice, not in an advisory capacity and the Hall will want someone particularly savvy.  They will want someone that they can depend upon to get the best deal for the White Tower at all times.  Now that they don’t have their alliances to trade on, I don’t know how they will seek to make themselves indispensable now.”

 

“You are an exile, but you also sheltered Princess Sofia and you risked your life for her against Darkfriends.  If the Princess were to state that because of these reasons that you were her chosen advisor and would accept no other, the Hall might bend and accept you in the hopes that your inextricably close link to the Princess could be of use.  They don’t have time to play about and spend time developing relations with a new monarch.”

 

“Ah.”  Holding up a hand so Arette couldn’t cut in, Lillian continued.  “Don’t even think of saying you’re just a Brown Sister either.  You were the Keeper of Chronicles and while your Amyrlin might have been stilled and you exiled, they were the worst circumstances possible and you did what you could.  You have a wealth of experience, knowledge and more so I think you’ll share a great deal more of it with Sofia than anyone they will send.”

 

“Don’t pretend that it isn’t a possible solution.  Between you and Con you can keep Sofia steady and protected from as many external influences as possible.  Even if the Tower doesn’t accept you, they will have to discuss the matter and decide against you before they decide to pick a new ambassador of their own to send.  Something that will take more time because they’ll realise that sending someone the Queen doesn’t want could be problematic, in particular because she’s aligned with the Dragon.  Yes, that would take awhile even with traveling.” Lillian fell silent as she allowed Arette to mull over what she had said.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

White Sister

[Arette]

Lillian's evaluation of Helena might be correct, Arette had to admit with a purse of lips. She appreciated the slightly older Brown greatly but politics were not her strongest suite. "I doubt that they will see me as the candidate who always puts the best of the White Tower first. It is Illian now. But I could see why they might be forced to accept me if they don't want to loose prestige of having a ruler in the world who does not have an Aes Sedai advisor." Oh how satisfactory that would be. She now truly deserved the title of an Aes Sedai unlike most of the women sitting on their bottoms in the White Tower. She did not really care whether or not the Tower acknowledged her as a Sister, it was enough that she knew. But she would have been the perfect woman if she couldn't say that the thought didn't give her a sweet little sense of payback.

 

The reminder of Karana's fate made her grim. She believed that it had been inevitable but it still hurt. She didn't desire to have shared her fate anymore but she was unable to shake off the guilt entirely. And she had given alot of bad advice and been affected by her own biases which had made things even worse. They had been forced to create factions into the White Tower and play them against each others and that had served to make the Tower even less functional that it would have been otherwise. The effects were still getting mended. And even if she had lost almost all of her faith on the Tower, it had still been an important part of most of her life. If only there was a way to redeem it somehow... But she wouldn't get herself depressed with that dream.

 

"It is possible but to be a good advisor, I would have to be fully devoted to it. And I cannot be that. I have my family and the people of the Perfumed Quarters to teach and heal. I am about to get involved with two of the largest projects in the world done with the One Power since building of Stone of Tear and the White Tower. I can't be everything for everyone or I will burn myself out and I cannot take the bloody nobles on my plate too. I will help Sofia out as much as I can but you can see why I can't take that role, right?"

 

"And I don't mean to distract you from the topic but you are not going to leave Illian until we have cleaned the canals. I am not entirely comfortable with the blackcoats working on the sewers but they will at least starting from the end way first and not work among the people in the city until we can be certain that it is safe. And since they are better with the Earth, it is logical although I intend to do some of that too. But we should do the canals because Water is what we are better with. You, me, Telcia, Kit and Helena. Do you know any other Sisters who might be interested?"

 

Arette Stavros

Brown Sister

[Arette]

“Telcia is here?  And Kit?  I thought Kit was missing?  Wait.” Holding a hand up, Lillian realised she was slipping the conversation onto a different path.  And Arette had missed her point, but she could return to that.  “I will be here for awhile, I want to make sure I’m fine before returning to the Tower.”  No point in bemoaning why, Arette already knew and there was little to be done about it except deal with it and push through it or it would drag her down.  She’d suffered enough blows to know how to take ones like these, let them pass through until she was all that was left.

 

“While I’m here, I’ll be happy to help in any way that I can.  As to other sisters, I can’t think of any off the top of my head.  I can’t go back to the Tower and retrieve any either, I’d have to tell them that Illian is with the Dragon now and you can bet that they won’t commit any sisters at that point.  Unless there are some other sisters about that I don’t know of, then we’re going to be it pretty much.”

 

Leaning forward, Lillian’s elbows rested on the table as she rested her head chin in her hands.  “You would be perfectly fine acting as an advisor.  An Aes Sedai advisor is only one of many that a monarch has, there are plenty who don’t channel that are just as capable.  She’ll consult you whenever she needs you if your link is that close, and that still leaves you able to take care of other things like the family and projects like these canals.”

 

“In fa-“ Lillian looked down in alarm as her stomach growled audibly, making her blush as she looked up at Arette.  “This is ridiculous, I’m going to end up eating you out of house and home at this rate.  Could I trouble you for something?  Anything?  Just to keep it quiet.”

 

 

Lillian Tremina

White Sister

[Arette]

"Telcia is in her home in Ebou Dar but as you well know, she is just one Gateway away. Did you know that I can Travel also?", she asked non-chalantly. "And Kit was indeed out of the touch with the White Tower for a year as she was traveling... far away. But she is back safely now, thank the Light."

 

"And that is a good decision, to stay here and recuperate fully. I wouldn't let you go anyway until you are at full health. The project is not that urgent that I would risk you for it. We'll see when you will be able to channel more."

 

Her face fell when Lillian truthfully pointed out that the Tower would not help once Illian would be publicly allianced with the Dragon. "It is a wonder that the Sisters in the Tower dare to call themselves Aes Sedai and would still bar help to a nation that is not hopping in their leash." She sighed deeply. She was about to ask Lillian frankly about why she stayed in the Tower but she was already speaking on and the chance passed.

 

Lillian's words about being an advisor made her slightly reconsider but if the White thought that she would settle for helping just now and then, she did not know her very well. When she took a job, she devoted to it. Maybe it was overdoing it a bit but that was her way and she would have to reconcile the different parts of her life to be able to act as an advisor.

 

Her Sister's belly had a life of its own and Arette frowned when she pondered what she had in store. She had been taken by a surprise how frequently Lillian needed food which was every few hours. They had ran out of eggs and porridge oats this morning and there was no bread either. She could of course bake some but it would take too long. Fish was usually brought in the afternoon when it was freshly caught and she hadn't had time to do proper shopping for vegetables.

 

"Food would be no trouble really but we are out of things. We have to go to the market place or ask from relatives or..." she sneaked a sly look at Lillian "... we could go to the Palace and pay respects to the new Queen. I'm sure that she would serve us a dinner."

 

Arette Stavros

Exiled Brown Sister

 

[Arette]

Lillian’s jaw dropped at Arette as she fully took in what the woman had just done.  In all their time, she could never recall the ex-Keeper trying to blackmail her.  No more food unless she went to the Palace?  She was of a right mind to say something right there to restore the natural order of things.  She did not want to go to the Palace, she most certainly was not going, there was no good reason to go there except for the fact that they had food there.

 

Arette had done it deliberately too, she must have known that Lillian felt bad about plaguing her household with the insane hunger that had possessed her since she’d been freed.  She really, really disliked being dependent upon people because she felt like a burden, especially with Arette having her own children to take care of.  Which also meant that going to other Stavros, who struggled to get by themselves, or going to the marketplace with Arette were both out of the question.

 

She was going to push the point regardless except that even as she opened her mouth to speak, her stomach grumbled again, audibly.  Closing her mouth as she looked down again, there was a pained look on Lillian’s face as she realised that she’d been outmaneuvered.  The much more basic need of food was going to win out, though she hoped her stomach kept itself quiet while in the palace.  That would just be plain embarrassing, more so than this was now.

 

“You win.” Getting to her feet, Lillian swayed slightly, still a little unsteady though her legs were getting the hang of walking again.  “But I’m not going in this, and afterward we’re coming right back here.  If I had my way, I wouldn’t leave your home at all, not for at least a week.”

 

Arette looked entirely smug about it all, but Lillian waggled her finger at her.  “And I’m not becoming the advisor so don’t even think about it.  You might be getting me to the Palace but I’m not going to end up shadowing a royal when I have important things to do like sitting down.”  At that, Lillian turned around and went to go get herself bathed as she called over her shoulder.

 

“I mean it, not happening.”

 

 

Lillian Tremina

White Sister