Making up (attn: Mac)

[Arette]

Time really flew when you were absorbed in studies but Arette's belly was starting to remind her that it was food time. She had missed the official serving of lunch already but Aes Sedai could dine any time they wanted to. She could of course grab a novice and have a tray delivered to her room but she was minded to enjoy her meal in company today. A quick look on the mirror had assured that her hair didn't look like a magpie's nest and there were no ink stains on her face. The green wool she always wore was perfectly suitable for showing in public so she was ready to go. When she tried to open her door however, she hit an obstacle. Puzzled, she tried again and the door bumped into something soft. Someone it seemed as she got an response. "Sorry, I'm moving now. Didn't realise I was in a way."

 

She nearly groaned when she recognized the voice. It was Tower Guard Mal Macarda, better known as Big Mac which was a most suitable moniker, and for some reason he had developed a strange fascination with her. A week ago he and some fellows of his had stolen the book Karana had given her and after some retarded reactions from her part, she had gotten the book back in perfect condition. That had been the end of the story for her and she had been glad to be rid of him. But the Wheel had woven differently. He had come back every day since bearing gifts like chocolate, flowers and what have you. But even worse was him sitting outside her door.

 

Lunch would just have to wait until she had sorted this one out. "Uhh... umm... come in then." She gave a furtive glance to both directions of the hallway to make sure that no one noticed. Brown Sisters didn't tend to wander the corridors too much but his behaviour was becoming far too recurrent for even them to ignore much longer. The only seat sturdy enough to fit him was the sofa and she took an arm chair opposite to him.

 

"I have to say that I am genuinely perplexed. Why are you doing this, Mac? The gifts and all... it is charming but I just don't understand your motive." She chuckled nervously, not even daring to say out loud the completely wrong conclusion her Sisters might draw. "Ah well, but I was impolite now. Starting from the wrong end and all. How are you faring today? Care for tea or cookies?"

 

Arette Nenatiar

Brown Sister

[Wayfarer]

A week.

 

That was how long Big Mac had been trying to get Arette Sedai's attention so he could placate her and hopefully get the chance to talk to her.  But every day, even after he brought her chocolates, flowers, even a couple of new books, she simply took the gifts but tried to get rid of him as quickly as she could.  After the first couple of days he'd begun sitting outside her door, hoping that would communicate the fact that he would like the chance to apologise but even that didn't seem to work.  It worked with most women, why didn't it work with Arette Sedai?

 

The week had grown increasingly depressing for Big Mac, he wasn't having any luck at all and the guilt weighed on him.  He hadn't thought it was such a big thing, a bit of fun during the scavenger hunt was all and nothing was damaged.  But she'd been so wild about it, and not the funny sort of stirring of an Aes Sedai either, she'd been really upset and that wasn't what was meant to happen at all.  The idea that he couldn't seem to make it right wasn't one he could accept, yet at the same time it was a thought weighed upon him increasingly.  He didn't like that feeling, he didn't like hurting people to begin with and to leave them that way without being able to fix it, well, he couldn't handle just leaving it be.

 

Feeling the door push against him, Big Mac gave his apology as he got out of the way.  Yet something strange happened, he was invited into Arette Sedai's quarters!  Taking the seat that he was offered, now that he was in the room with the Aes Sedai, Big Mac wasn't really sure of what to do or say.  He had to admit, with him waiting day after day, he'd sort of stopped thinking about what he would say.  But, Arette Sedai was speaking even as she ensconced herself in an armchair opposite the sofa he was sitting upon.

 

She didn't understand his motive?  Big Mac was confused, he would have thought that his motives were quite obvious.  He just wanted to apologise, but more to the point for his apology to be accepted and for any resentment she might have for him to be cleared up.  Shaking his head at the offer of tea and cookies, he didn't waste time as he spoke, though he averted his eyes a bit as he rumbled softly.  "I just wanted to apologise, and to show I was sorry.  I didn't think you'd be so hurt over your book, if I had we would never have taken yours and I just want to make it right is all.  I really want to make up for my mistake, if there is anything I can do, please tell me and I'll do it."

[Arette]

Ah, now she understood. Mac thought that Arette was still angry at him. If she really thought about the matter and fanned the feelings of annoyance, she might muster some resemblance of the upset she had felt a week ago. She could hold grudges, she knew that and she often mulled old things in her mind. This event had made her loose some of her peace of mind and she had woke up a few times at night and went to made sure that both her front door and the room to her bed room were really locked and that the book was there. But the book was Warded now and safe behind tied off barriers of Air and it eased her mind. Now only another channeler could steal it and she would know at least that much.

 

"Well, thank you for the sentiment. I am glad to hear that you would have reconsidered if you had known my reaction." Heat suffused her cheeks. "But then I wouldn't have predicted acting like that myself so it is just better to leave what iffing at that. The book is important, yes, but even I didn't know that it was that valuable to me. It was given to me by my mentor when I was Raised to the Shawl and she is someone I respect and like more than anyone else. I suppose that you could say that it is the symbol of our friendship to me." Bah, she was getting far too mushy. "Anyway, I believe that all is well now. I did get the book back in good condition and it is secured now and my lock is fixed too."

 

"I think that we have been just sending the wrong messages to each others. I am not at all used to dealing with the Tower Guards. And you... you see, the way you tried to make amends... it resembles... ah well, it resembles what little I know about courting and it made me very... well, ill at ease." No, she hadn't mean to say that out loud. Light, now she had embarrased them both.

 

Clearing her throat, she continued hastily. "But there is actually something you could do for me. The novice who was here the day the book was stolen, Tirzah, she has a problem and I need to help her fix it. I believe that I need a manly perspective to find a best way to solve it. She has this strange fixation that it would be better if she was a young man instead of a young woman. She also would rather become a Tower Guard than an Aes Sedai and these two things are preventing her from learning how to use the One Power. Basically I need to somehow convince her that firstly, being a woman is not that bad and secondly, that serving the Tower as a channeler is the way for her."

 

"What I would require from you is thoughts on how to concretely do it. I have some ideas myself but like I said, a male perspective on especially the first issue might be helpful."

 

Arette Nenatiar

Brown sister

[Wayfarer]

It felt good to know he was forgiven as such, but courting?  Big Mac was a bit surprised by that, as well as the blush that filled Arette Sedai's cheeks.  But the topic quickly shifted to the girl that Arette Sedai had been dealing with before, Tirzah.  The problem was not something that he had expected to hear of, but it certainly made him smile to think that the girl wanted to be a Tower Guard much more than an Aes Sedai.  Did the girl even know what she was thinking of?  "Does Tirzah even know what it is like to be a Tower Guard?  Maybe the simplest way would be to let her find out what its like for herself.  Does she know that some Aes Sedai train with weapons anyway?"

 

"I don't know if Tirzah has ever trained as hard as you do but she has some experience with the blade and she quite enjoys it. I assume that she knows that Aes Sedai can use weapons too and I told her that Accepted are allowed to train in the Yards. Of course to a novice and a young woman there seems to be an aeons of time until that. I am not certain that she would give up the idea of wanting to become a Guard just at the hardship of training and if we give in on this matter, she might just become more stubborn and give an unwanted example. I could let her train alone on her free days even as a novice but she needs to focus on her real studies."

 

"Do you think that driving her hard on the Yards would make her budge?"

 

"No."  Big Mac frowned.  "If it were a flight of fancy then yes, but if she's causing you difficulty then it sounds like her heart is set on it.  But it will put her around people that are more likely to change her mind.  No offence Arette Sedai, but she doesn't think the way you do and she doesn't want to be like you.  She wants to be a Tower Guard, so she's more likely to listen to Tower Guards.  You'd be better off leaving her with Tower Guards every day, remove her entirely from the rest of the Novices.  She isn't going to learn in her classes anyway until this is dealt with, true?"

 

"Just Arette, please. And you are right that teaching Tirzah anything is currently a waste of time as she resists learning anything from us", she admitted with a sigh. "There is one person who she listens to and who she doesn't see as part of the Aes Sedai 'conspiracy' to destroy her dream, though. She has a twin sister, Lucretia, who is quite happy to be an initiate of the White Tower. They are room mates currently so I am not certain about separating them. Also, do you believe that time in the Yards would also cure her of her desire to be a male instead? I'm sure that her perceptions could be aided in all kind of ways..."

 

"Well, if she wants to be a Tower Guard, she's going to have to be seperated.  Novices aren't allowed to be around trainees and vice versa."  Thoughtful, a question came to Big Mac that he quickly vocalised.  "What does that mean?  Being male.  Whats wrong with that?"

 

Mac's words made Arette frown with disapproval. He seemed to be suggesting a far more profound caving in than she had in mind. If Tirzah was allowed to become a Trainee in reality, she would really become one and the potential of channeling in her would be lost. And besides she would be dangerous to herself and everyone around her with her unmastered control. "Tirzah IS a novice and will remain one even if she was allowed to train in the Yards for some time following your rules. If I agreed with this, I would need some kind of a time limit. Breaking through a block can take even as long as a year but I need to be assured that the fault is not in the method. She could learn and we cannot let any girl go who can be taught."

 

"And there is nothing wrong in being a male itself. It is a problem only in this case because it is hindering the child from using her gift." She sighed. "It would be a precarious balance, giving her the idea that she does want to be a man but without... well, I don't want to turn her against everything male. Do you think that you could manage that somehow?"

 

Frowning at the words spoken, Big Mac wasn't so sure about this at all.  It seemed like the challenge wasn't only to tackle a difficult problem, but to do so disarmed.  That was like telling a painter that they couldn't use a brush, it could be done but it would be a shabby job and take a lot longer.  "I don't know.  I don't know her, I don't know what makes her tick beyond what you've told me, and ontop of that you're saying that I'd only be able to do something whenever she is given some free time."

 

Pausing in thought over his words, Big Mac shook his head suddenly.  "I can't.  With any student you need time to build trust, to give them opportunities and reasons for them to talk to you, to allow them to become comfortable with you and their surroundings.  There's no time for that if she's going to be running around between Novice classes all the time that she isn't even paying attention to in the first place.  She sounds like she has more important issues to deal with than her classes if she's ever going to work in those classes in the first place.  You can't fix a problem half heartedly because if it isn't ever resolved then it will always hold her back.  Its the same with any trainee, if they don't want to be there then they won't learn until whatever is holding them back is fixed.  If it isn't ever seen through properly, then they carry the baggage even if they are able to function."

[Arette]

Yet another frown creased Arette's forehead as listened to Mac. They seemed to be speaking past each others all the time but she let him to finish so she could clear any and all things she hadn't been able to communicate before. "When I spoke of training only on Tirzah's free time, I refered to the days when she has gotten past her block and is attending normal novice schedule. Until then is a different thing. I agree with you that it is useless waste of time for her to attend novice classes until her block is gone. But if I allow her to train full time in the Yards, it will be on few conditions."

 

"Everyone, including her, need to understand that it is not a permanent arrangement. She will not be enrolled to the book of Trainees because she is already in the book of Novices and her name will not come off it even if she has gray hair by the time her block is broken. Yes, I am aware of the risk that she opposes this and does everything in her power that she can stay in the Yards. If the Aes Sedai try to persuade her during the time she is in the Yards, it will just hinder the effort. Good trainer, bad trainer trick will not work in this case; it needs to be just one trainer who is both. But if I leave the work for the Tower Guards, you need to make sure that everyone who comes to contact with her knows of what is going on, all the Guards at least. Trainees likely couldn't keep it under wraps."

 

"Can you see why I would like a timelimit on her staying in the Yards training as if she were a real Trainee even if she wouldn't be? If this method fails, she will be even more bent on staying in the Yards and the lesser time she is there, the better. How long do you think that it might need to change her mind? And do you have some qualms about her being treated more harshly or otherwise in different way than the other Trainees, what ever seems necessary taking into account that you don't actually want her to stay in the Yards?"

 

Arette Nenatiar

Brown Sister suspecting she is making a really bad decision

[Wayfarer]

"I really do not know."

 

Big Mac had no intentions of spinning off some lies to hook himself some extra work.  Sure, he was pretty sure he could do it with time, but he didn't know the girl at all.  The first thing you learned as an instructor was the same thing you knew as a student.  You were different, each student was different, each one needed a unique approach when it came to untangling whatever it was that was troubling them.  Some people always tended to say they had foolproof methods that could fix anyone, but those people tended to trumpet whatever they got right and tended to forget when it didn't work.

 

"Like I said, I don't know this girl.  She could take only a couple of weeks, she could take months.  In the end, she'll have to be ready to choose for herself what she wants to do and if she's stubborn then pushing her will only make her heels dig deeper.  And she won't be treated any differently from any other trainee, I don't know what you mean by handling her more harshly or such, but if she's treated any different she'll realise she's not being given her chance at all.  If she's treated different she won't feel she's a trainee at all, just that you're trying to break her a different way."

 

Standing, Big Mac frowned as he added.  "If you want, I can take her for a week.  I might be able to give you an idea then, but any guessing now is guessing.  No point in me telling you it'll take a month then in a month's time telling you it'll take six."  Maybe it wasn't just an issue of work, Big Mac had to admit he was a bit intrigued by the girl, as well as feeling a bit sorry for her.  She hadn't had much choice in where she'd ended up, he could relate to that a little.  Even though he'd made his own choices, his choices had been shaped with how he'd been born and grown up.

[Arette]

Mac's confession of ignorance made Arette arch her eyebrows in surprise. Usually people, especially men didn't admit it when they didn't know. She wasn't quite sure should it have increased her trust or make her worry but she tilted more toward the first option. She listened as he spoke and occasionally nodded between pursing her lips together in thought.

 

"She will react to pushing only if she realises that she is being pushed but I hope that we won't even have to do much of that. It really is quite difficult if she won't choose to go to the direction where we carrot her to. And if you say that she shouldn't be treated differently, then so it will be. You are the expert in training related matters and that is why I asked you in the first place."

 

"And yes please, a week long test period sounds good to me. I won't interfere at all and we will review the situation at the end of the week. Is it alright if I bring her to you tomorrow morning?" He nodded and she smiled at him pleased at how well everything had worked out. Now if only Tirzah would be agreeable too and bend as they tried to make her to. Her stomach rumbled again and she rubbed it to quiet it.

 

"I was heading out to eat when I bumped into you. If there is nothing else, I will go to have my lunch and see you tomorrow morning. Thank you in advance for your help, Mac." He didn't speak up so she stood. They walked together to a floor below before parting with goodbyes. She picked expertly one of the many corridors and headed toward the dining room. She would have to explain this all to the Mistress of Novices too but she doubted that there would be problems with the first week. She was a patient woman and understood that results with novices were not miracles that came with a snap of fingers. Maybe she would even have a word of advice or two.

 

Arette Nenatiar

Both glad and worried that the package is taken off her hands