Dulcinea's Arches

[Muirenn]

It had been six weeks since Dulcinea's refusal to take the test for Accepted. And though she had been promised that there was no shame for it, there had been consequences. She had spent the past six weeks in an escalating tide of the hardest, dirtiest, chores that were available to novices. And some that normally weren't. Usually, the servants emptied the chamber pots. Making things worse, none of the other girls knew why she was having to go through all of this. But some had seen her with the Mistress of Novices a few weeks earlier, and so their guesses all centered around some sort of punishment for...something. The speculation ranged from the idea that she had somehow pranked the Amyrlin Seat, to thinking that she had tried to cause another feud. Well, her punishment for the last feud she had caused had not been nearly this bad. Six weeks. Sixty days. A long time to be cleaning out chamber pots.

 

And to make things worse, the four other Aes Sedai who had been in there kept having extra tasks for her. And with every one they managed to deliver a lecture, sometimes gently, sometimes scathing, sometimes both at once. The lectures were about the responsibilities of power, about courage in the face of adversity, about any number of things. There was supposed to be no shame, but the Aes Sedai had not let her forget. Red, Yellow, Blue, and White. She never wanted to so much as speak to a sister of the Red, Yellow, Blue, or White again. That was unfair, she knew. But up to her elbows in scrubbing out the chamber pots she had just finished emptying, she felt like being petty. And the Mistress of Novices, a Gray. "Mustn't forget the Gray."

 

"Mustn't forget the Gray what?"

 

Dulcinea whipped around to see the Faerzyne Sedai in her Gray-fringed shawl looking down at her. She thought quickly, and came up with, "The gray one, over there," she pointed to the row of chamber pots, one of them a dull pewter. The Mistress of Novices raised an eyebrow, but let it pass. "Follow me," was all she said.

 

Dulcinea scrambled to do so, wiping her hands on a length of toweling. They followed nearly the same route as before, descending into the Tower basements. Only this time, Dulcinea wasn't afraid, she was furious. Faerzyne Sedai led her into the room, and the ritual began again.

 

“Two things that no woman hears until she enters this room. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, no matter your potential and you will be very kindly put out of the Tower with enough silver to support you a year, and you will never be allowed back. Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger here. Some women have entered, and never come out. When the ter’angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they – were – not – there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Faltering leads to a failure.”

 

Dulcinea nodded angrily. She knew. In the past six weeks she had looked up the name of every woman who had not come back from her Arches. Fortunately, it was a short list. She would do this thing. If she did not, she would spend the remainder of her life scrubbing chamber pots, it seemed. And death might be preferable.

 

“This is your last chance, child. You may turn back now, and you will have two marks against you. Once more will you be allowed to come here, and only at the third refusal will you be put out of the Tower. It is no shame to refuse. Some cannot do it even their second time here. Now you may speak.”

 

"I will take your test, Aes Sedai," Dulcinea said bitterly. Faerzyne Sedai only nodded and the Red sister beside the table spoke.

 

The sister beside the table intones: “Whom do you bring with you, Sister?”

 

“One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister.”

 

“Is she ready?”

 

“She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.”

 

“Does she know her fears?”

 

“She has never faced them, but now is willing.”

 

“Then let her face what she fears.”

 

The Mistress of Novices asked her to undress, and she did so, never having been so happy to remove a dress in her life. She simply didn't want to smell the thing a moment longer. The stone floor was cool against the soles of her feet. It felt wonderful after so many days of hard labor.

 

Faerzyne Sedai spoke quietly, "The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

 

Dulcinea nodded, and glided through the first arch, the Light welcomed her.

[Muirenn]

"...And High Lord Sisnera has sent regrets for the hunting party this weekend, but hopes that you will accept the presence of his eldest son instead. Sisnera is an ally, though a shakey one, and the prospects for the House are low. I'd advise accepting the replacement, so as not to be rude, but a marriage proposal from that direction would be most disastrous to the long term plans of Velasques...Lady Dulcinea, are you listening to me?"

 

Dulcinea looked up with surprise. It was Alain, the House Steward, who had been a close advisor to her family for years. Often they had held conversations just like this one, with him advising her, as she would be taking over the family estates when her Father passed. And she must be ready. Steadfast... Steadfast? Where had that come from? This was wrong somehow. She wasn't the eldest, Adanza was. It was Adanza who always had these conversations. This...she put a hand to her head.

 

"Why don't you speak with my sister about the planning," she murmurred.

 

"Lady Mariah? But she won't even be accompanying you. Or do you wish that I add her to the guest list?"

 

"No, not Mariah, Adanza," she was beginning to become irritated. Of course not Mariah. Mariah was only fourteen. Much too young to be involved in a mixed hunting party.

 

"Is that some sort of poor joke, my Lady?" Alain asked in a very dry voice. "Adanza cannot give counsel on anything, she ran off to Tar Valon to be trained by those witches. She abandoned her responsibilities to this House for a whim. Adanza will not be High Seat, much less a Lady of Tear, and it is you who must continue to learn the rules of power. Now, do you wish for young Lord Sisnera to join your party three days hence?"

 

Adanza in Tar Valon? That was madness! Adanza, like most Tairens, held no love for Aes Sedai. This was wrong. The way back will come but once, be steadfast. Where had that thought come from? The way back? The way back where? But it was important for some reason. She tried to remember.

 

Alain finally looked up from his papers at her, and his voice took on an edge of concern. "Are you well, Lady Dulcinea?"

 

She waved him away, "I am fine, Alain, go on."

 

Alain nodded, "As I was saying, my Lady, the time to accept a proposal grows short. Saniago is still upset about the broken engagement between his second son and your sister. Three years and he still does not think our efforts at recociliation enough. It may go well for the House if you were to entertain at least one of his sons. The third son is still unwed. A good deal younger than you, yes, but the situation is most unusual."

 

"Marrying myself to a third son would be an insult to the family. You know that Alain," Dulcinea snapped. It was true. As heir, a serious proposal would be from an heir of a minor House, or at least the second son from a major House like Saniago.

 

"Yes, my Lady. But as your family has so recently produced..." He coughed slightly, "There is some concern about any children of the match, and if they would also need to be sent to Tar Valon. And if it were a son..."

 

A son who could do what her sister could, what an awful thought. She knew what awaited men like that. But as heir, she had to produce heirs of her own. At least two children. An heir and a spare she thought bitterly. She had been the 'spare'. And no wonder the High Lords and Ladies of Tear were reluctant to bind themselves to such a recently disgraced House. They would be able to rebuild, but it would take time. Time she simply did not have in choosing which proposal to accept.

 

The way back will come but once, be steadfast. The thought was not her own, but it seemed...right, somehow. She looked up and saw Alain frowning down at her. And behind him...Behind was a silver arch, the interior filled with white light.

 

"Lady Dulcinea," Alain was saying, "You must choose. Your father grows impatient with your indecision and..." He nattered on, but Dulcinea didn't hear him, she could see only the arch, only the arch mattered.

 

The way back will come but once, be steadfast.

 

Yes, she must choose. She stood abruptly and took a step toward the arch.

 

"Where are you going, my Lady?" Alain asked. "You cannot abandon your responsiblities! Sit down this instant and we will finish going over the proposals."

 

Dulcinea almost turned back. If she left, it would be little Mariah as heir. How could she leave that poor girl in charge of all this? Surely there must be another choice?

 

Be steadfast.

 

She had to go. She didn't know why, but she had to go. She took another step toward the arch. And another. Tears began to flow from her eyes. Two daughters leaving. Abandoning the House. Her family would never understand. And the House would likely not recover from this crushing blow for another sixty years. If then. She stepped up to the arch and through and the light consumed her.

[Muirenn]

Dulcinea stumbled as she stepped out onto the bare stone floor and a gentle hand reached out to steady her.  Cool water poured over her.  A clear voice rang out, “You are washed clean of what sin you may have done and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul.”

 

 

Where...Who...  She looked into the eyes of the Mistress of Novices and memory flooded back to her.  She straightened, pulling her arm away.  "I am fine," she said briskly.  It could not have been real.  It could not.  Adanza had never left Tear, much less to go to Tar Valon.  Adanza could not channel.  No, she thought in a wave of embarrassment and shame, you can.  They were not true and that was that.  But it had seemed so real...It was not.  It was not and that was all.  It was not and she had to finish this test.  Two more passes through the rings and it was over.  She steeled herself and stepped into the glow.  The light pulled at her, caressed her, welcomed her.

 

[Muirenn]

She reached out to steady herself and fell headlong, her hands finding nothing to catch herself.  She sat up shakily and examined her elbows, both were raw and bleeding.  The wool around them was torn to shreds.  Wool?  I have never worn wool in my life!  Except...  She could not think of the exception.  It seemed important, though.  But then, the whole thought was nonsense.  Of course she wore wool.  It wasn't as though she could afford silk on a courier's wages.  She stood up and brushed herself off, looking for what had caused her fall.  She found the culprit soon enough, a rather large exposed tree root.  She frowned down at it, and squeaked when it burst into flame.  She wasn't supposed to do that.  Do what?  She put a hand to her head, this all seemed wrong somehow.  The Rule said that it was fine to channel when no one else was around, just that she couldn't seek to learn anything further.  But she also wasn't supposed to be using it for anything unnecessary.  And burning up a tree root just because it had given her a tumble was certainly unnecessary.  The Rule?  What was...The way back will come but once, be steadfast, A voice murmured in her head.  It wasn't her thought.  But it was.  But...

 

Dulcinea raised a hand to her temple, all this time out alone was getting to her.  She only had to put in three more years in this life before she could transition again.  Next time she wanted to do a stint in Ebou Dar, and wear the red sash.  Perhaps they would think her ready this time.  They?  This was madness, she was Dulcinea Velasques, a High Lady of Tear, she didn't need anyone's permission for anything  But then, that wasn't true either, was it?  She had been a High Lady, or rather, a daughter of one.  She hadn't made it so far as to speak the words inside the Stone.  Before that had happened, she'd...well, she'd channelled, that was the long and short of it.  And before she could say fish guts she was bundled onto a boat headed for Tar Valon.  But she couldn't make her peace with her new life.  Always getting into trouble and causing it among the other girls.  The Aes Sedai had taught her what discipline and control they could and dumped her unceremoniously outside the gates of the city.  It had been her own fault, really.  She never should have let that boy with the brown eyes tempt her so.  That certainly was never tolerated in the White Tower.  She hated Aes Sedai, with their cold morality and lies that weren't.  But you'd go back in a moment if they'd have you, wouldn't you? a mocking voice whispered.  No, she answered it firmly, Never again.

 

The White Tower had told her they'd given her enough silver for a year, and even offered her a place until her time, but she'd refused, and bought passage to Tear the same day.  She'd expected to be welcomed back home, excited to see all her friends again.  But it hadn't happened.  They knew, everyone knew.  Her father had refused even to see her.  Even little Mariah hadn't come to the gate.  She was able to channel, and in Tear, that meant she was outcast.  If she had actually been Aes Sedai she would have been tolerated, as it was, she was just feared.  She had left the city only a step away from the noose.  The noose!  To even threaten such a thing to the daughter of a High Lord!

 

She made her way West then, travelling through Illian as quickly as was possible, and into Altara.  She had given birth just a few days after entering the city, assisted by a Wise Woman.  She had named the boy Aran, after his father.  He was her world now.  She had done everything she could to give him a good life.  But she also feared for him, for what he could become.  The way back will come but once...  Dulcinea frowned, that voice again.  She shook her head slightly to clear it.  Three more years of travel and she could be with him again.  Maybe she could find a job in the harbor.  It would be dirty work, but close to home.  Aran would be almost thirteen then, he would need his mother during those years.  Surely they could be made to see that.  She didn't want him to have to be fostered again.

 

Her horse nickered softly and Dulcinea turned to see what was the matter.  She was not surprised to see a silver arch in the middle of the clearing glowing softly.  It seemed right somehow.  The way back will come but once, be steadfast.  Back?  She didn't want to go back.  Not ever.  But the thought came to her that if she went through that arch she might just have another chance.  Another chance at what?  But she couldn't shake the thought that it was important, the she should go.  She didn't want to.  In three years she would be able to be home with Aran again, she needed that, needed to see his small face.  Though, it wouldn't be so small then.  She must have been away too long already, she couldn't quite remember what he looked like now.  The thought made her eyes sting.  She stepped toward the arch.  Another chance.  Another step.  She met the light and was torn apart.

[Muirenn]

She stepped out of the arch and shivered as the cold water was poured over her head, mingling with her tears.  “You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul.”  She shivered, and it wasn't from being nude and wet.  She had aspired to be a fishmonger?  Faerzyne Sedai pulled her gently by the elbow, guiding her to the next arch.  Dulcinea flinched and pulled away.  The Mistress of Novices' hand came away bloody. 

 

"Oh, child!  What did you do to hurt yourself so!"  She laid a hand on each of the deep scrapes and another shiver ran through Dulcinea as she was Healed.  Faerzyne Sedai frowned as she examined the unbroken skin.  "It shouldn't have scarred like that."  Dulcinea looked as best she could to see a fine network of white scars criss-crossing each elbow.  She was dumbfounded.

 

"Is...Is it real then, Aes Sedai?  I hadn't thought it was.  It's too..." She shook her head, unable to find the words for what she wanted to say.

 

Faerzyne Sedai gently put an arm around Dulcinea, moving her gently toward the final arch.  "Most women who come through the test ask that question, or some version of it."  She thought a moment, "No, I do not believe it is real.  But the danger inside is.  You have already seen that.  However, just because it is not real does not mean that it is easy.  There is a price for the ring, as you have already seen."  They arrived at the final arch, "The third arch is for what will be," Faerzyne Sedai intoned, "The way back will come but once, be steadfast."

 

Dulcinea stepped into that mocking white glow and she thought she could hear laughter as she was engulfed in the light.

 

 

[Muirenn]

The children's laughter brought a smile to her face as Dulcinea sat inside enjoying her cup of cool mint tea.  Eli was outside with them, and that mean that all was well.  Likely they were tormenting him again in their impish way.  She shared a look with Elsie, the girls' mother, and both broke into a fit of giggles.  Dulcinea could feel that Eli, despite the screeching from outside was deliriously happy, so there could be nothing amiss.  The thought sobered her at once.  Feel.  How did she know what Eli was feeling?  That wasn't possible.  But...The way back will come but once.  Be steadfast.  It was not her thought.

 

Dulcinea set the teacup down carefully.  It must be the heat getting to her.  Of course she could tell what Eli felt, hadn't he been her Warder for well over a year now?  Perhaps she would never get used to it.  He was a fine warrior, and an even finer specimen of a man, even if she was a touch biased herself.  They were here visiting his sister, whose husband had passed several seasons ago.  And her daughters, of course, who were the light of their uncle's life.  He had commissioned sketches of the girls last year, and they were prominently displayed in his rooms back in Tar Valon.  The girls had loved it, even though Anya--only six at the time--had been a bit too young to keep still for so long.  Warder.  But that would mean she was Aes Sedai.  She chided herself, of course she was Aes Sedai.  What Ajah?  Somehow she couldn't seem to remember.  Slender fingers reached up to caress a temple that was beginning to throb.

 

"Is something the matter, Dulcinea Sedai?" asked Elsie with a worried frown.  But...

 

Something in her eyes?  Did I imagine it?  Like a bird.  A falcon.  No.

 

Dulcinea lowered her hand and picked up the teacup laughing softly, "No, no of course not, Elsie.  Just concerned about my own petty troubles.  And do call me Dulcinea, we've known one another for how long now?"  She smiled mischievously, "I will break you of the habit one of these days.  Why, have I ever told you of how they broke me of my wayward tendencies when I was a novice?  I'll do the same to you as Faerzyne Sedai dished out to me if you won't just call me Dulcinea, mark my words!"

 

Elsie a laugh, pretending to look scandalized, "By the Light, Dulcinea!  I have enough dishes of my own to handle without you sending me to the kitchens in the White Tower too!"

 

Dulcinea gave a snort and took another sip of tea, her head was beginning to feel...thick, "Enough lip out of you.  How have the girls been?  They sound happy enough."

 

Elsie smiled.  Had her gaze sharpened just a bit?  She couldn't tell.  She felt Eli in the back of her head, his concern for her growing.  And something...else.  He head felt filled with wool.  And then a scream that didn't sound at all in jest.  Panic.  She tried to sit up, to straighten, but her arms and legs wouldn't work right.  She reached for saidar but she might as well have tried to grab a handful of mist.  "What?"  She looked at Elsie, who had stood calmly.  She called to someone further back in the house, and Dulcinea saw soldiers.  She thought they were soldiers.  Well disciplined, at the least.  Her eyes pleaded with Elsie.  Why?  She couldn't form the word.

 

"Well done, Mistress Anwen,"  the soldier said, and motioned to the others, "You two go get the children.  I'm sure Loran and Jem have already taken care of the Warder, they're good marksmen."

 

Elsie rounded on him, "You said the girls wouldn't be harmed!  Or Eli!  You said if I helped you to catch the witch that they wouldn't be harmed!"

 

Dulcinea couldn't make out the soldier's reply.  All her attention was taken up by the gleaming silver arch that had appeared just beside her chair.  It was her fault.  All her fault.  She should have known.  How could you have known?  She should have known something was wrong.  She should have protected them.  Kept the family safe.

 

The soldier backhanded Elsie and she went sprawling.

 

The way back will come but once.  Be steadfast.

 

Dulcinea moved.  Crumpled.  She slid unceremoniously from the chair to the floor.  That got their attention.  The soldier yelled and pointed in her direction, but his goons had already been sent away.  She pulled herself toward the light.  Only a few inches more.  The man took a step toward her. 

 

Inch. 

 

Step. 

 

Inch. 

 

Step. 

 

Inch.

 

She used the last ounce of her strength to throw herself sideways into the light and tried to scream as she was pulled apart.

[Muirenn]

Her scream echoed across the stone chamber.  A chill ran through her, and Dulcinea sat up quickly, watching as Faerzyne Sedai examined her.  "There is nothing wrong with you, child.  Not physically at least."  She pulled Dulcinea to her feet, "Come girl, take what you have paid for.

 

Dulcinea looked around finally and saw with a jolt of surprise that there were many more Aes Sedai in the room now.  They were all standing by a dais that she hadn't noticed before.  In the center stood Karana Sedai, the Amyrlin Seat. 

 

Dulcinea walked forward haltingly, unsure if her legs would support her.  After a tentative step she was glad, and a bit surprised, to find that they did.  Still, it was a relief to fall to her knees in front of the Amyrlin, who poured the final chalice over her head. 

 

“You are washed clean of Dulcinea Velasques of Tear. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean in heart and soul. You are Dulcinea Velasques, Accepted of the White Tower.”

 

The Amyrlin's eyes seemed to see inside her soul. 

 

"You are sealed to us now."

 

-Dulcinea Velasques

Accepted