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ATC: Christmas Cage Match w/Cthulhu

Guest Mesaana


Dearest Future Overlords (but specifically Mesaana)


As I was pondering a quaint volume of forgotten lore, an idea occurred to me. Surely you in your studies have come across the Necronomicon and its associated works, so you've heard of Cthulhu and his associates. How would the Great Lord's Chosen go about doing battle with the Eldritch Abominations? Let us presume it's a cage match, and you can tag in and out.


Respectfully, from a nice library somewhere,


Kyra Reinhilde, Brown Ajah




Well, It would be a cage of time and space, which the members of the Cthulhu mythos are mostly beyond... Caging them in such a way greatly reduces their powers, so all we would need to do is rush in and balefire before madness grips us in its icy hands. And if the Great Lord can shelter us from his own corruption, surely he can shelter us from Dagon. Balefire ends the fight before it's even begun. Literally.




Dearest Kyra,


I am in agreement with Sammael on this point.


A little bit of Baelfire makes everything better!


However, lets us assume for the purpose of this cage match, that we are without the One Power, and that we shall instead commence in an all-out battle of wits and brawn! In such case, as the Chosen of the Great Lord of the Dark, we are not above eye gouging and kicking an Abomination in the family jewels before breaking some neck!



Fighting dirty since the beginning of his existence

I think grabbing Sammael by his heels, and use him to beat the creature to a bloody pulp would be practical, as well as amusing for the viewers.



Did someone say cage match? If it involves The Rock and The Undertaker, I'm there like a bear. Nothing like watching two hunks of manflesh writhing together and inflicting pain on each other.



Going to take a cold shower now

I want to know how it could even be possible for us to NOT win in this situation. After all, nobody writes silly holiday jingles about us:

"I saw mommy kissing Yog-Sothoth"


We're just too scary for that kind of crap.


When the Great Old Ones and their priest, Loathly Lord Cthulhu, break free of their aeons-long imprisonment... well, it will all be a moot point, really. By the time they've downed their coffee and taken a shower, the Great Lord- who will be free by then- will have them gibbering in terror before him. Let's face it: our boss has cornered the market on creepy.





None of this interests me in any way.




Dear Wise Ass,


I have a job for you. Seriously. Come to open audition day at the slopes of Shayol Ghul on the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month at midnight. Wear something black.



Dear Fool,


None can stand against the Great Lord, except Lews Therin and I with the Chodean Kal.




Dear whoever you are,


The fact that you have time to "ponder a quaint volume of forgotten lore" makes me really glad you're not fighting on our side of this little skirmish. The fact that you consider Lovecraft "quaint" makes me really glad you're fighting on the other side. Makes you easier to throttle.


Since I'm feeling hormonal right now, I'm not going to bother answering your silly question, either. The Lord of the Dark will never lose to a bit of insanity from a "quaint volume of forgotten lore." He's forgotten more than any of those twits would remember, anyway.






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