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On the Air Speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow...

Guest Balthamel


If Demandred sent an army of Trollocs from, lets say Caemlyn to sack Tar Valon, and at the exact same time, let say, Rahvin, sent another army of Trollocs, but this time from like, Fal Dara to sack Tar Valon, which army would get there first?  Which army would succeed?  Who would get credit?






Demandred's army would get there first, of course. Rahvin would be too busy playing with the prettiest trollocs to pay attention to what direction they were heading in.


- Semi




None of the armies will get there. They'll meet up, no doubt, and play tea party all day. Until they get tired of using plastic tea cups and start using tinkers instead.






Wasn't this question on the Age of Legends version of the SAT?






Congratulations, MV, for posting the dumbest question in the history of ATC.


Rahvin's only concern in life is Compelling all the pretties he can find, and making them adore him. Not that anything actually happens once said Compelling has been made, the self-proclaimed Casanova-wannabee may talk a lot about his conquests, but in reality, he would not know where to start. Being alone with women intimidates him.


That said, Rahvin would be so focused on Compelling whatever skirt he can get his hands on, so if he even remembered to send an army out, they would most likely end up somewhere in the Aiel Waste. The guy is about as smart as Semirhage is compassionate and caring. I mean, last time he tried to beat me to something like this, he used a gateway to send his trollocs...






I have much better things to do with my time than answer a question like this.  If you must know, it would be futile for either one of them to try, as I will be Nae'blis once I have schemed my beautiful self to the top.






Balthamel, you never cease to amuse me. Except, of course, when you become boring.  In this case the idea of you as Nae'blis is down right humorous.  I really appreciate being the one to break it to you, but you can't sleep your way to the top of this food chain.



Although I'm astounded at the banality of your line of questioning, you have a better sense of realism than Balthamel, and for that I congratulate you.  Even if it isn't saying all that much.


Ultimately, who gets to Tar Valon first is irrelevant.  Namely because I've been their and done that.  As your Julius Caesar so eloquently put it, Veni Vidi Vici.  No other power in history has been able to recreate the feats I accomplished in the Trolloc Wars, and no other power will match my own feats until I decide to recreate them.  When such a day comes all you hold dear will burn before my gaze and you will assuredly be punished by having to answer an endless stream of inane questions such as this.  This punishment will ensue until you claw your eyes out and then you will have the questions read to you.


~Ishamael "Heart of the Dark" Ba'alzamon




I claim the credit by virtue of being the most intelligent of the Chosen.  Class dismissed.






Most intelligent, Asmodean? Really?  I always thought you were deranged for choosing immortality so you could compose music of all things (there are MUCH better ways to spend eternity), but this really shows that you have gone off the deep end.


~~ Aran'gar Balthamel




Asmodean, how in the Great Lord's name can you make such a false claim?  The last time I saw you, you were giggling at your toes.  I'm thinking that whatever drugs you've been on lately, they've taken you to a special little world all your own.  And trust me - I don't want to be there.






I think I just blew Coca-Cola through my nose. It burns. That truly was funny, Asmo, and I'm not just saying that. You should call those Blue Collar guys and see if they can get you set up with a gig or two. Who knows? They might even think you're funny with instruments to torture them with.


I'll say Dem gets his army there first, but Rahvin gets his to actually do something besides shopping. By "do something" I actually mean stopping for dinner at this neat little tavern about a block inside the West Gate. They roast White Cloaks every Thursday there and it's really a rousing good time.


Neither army would succeed, because these are trollocs we're talking about. All you have to do is toss a turkey leg the opposite direction and they'll run after it just like rabid dogs. Or Asmo if you toss his flute.


And anyone who accepts the blame for this debacle will totally deserve what they get. Personally, I will be the one on the gate tossing turkey legs. Mostly at Asmo, though.






Mmmm...turkey legs....


Hmm, where was I?  Oh yes... I never said "Sleep" my way to the top Ishy, I said "scheme" my way to the top.  I save my 'sleeping' for people I would enjoy it with (which definitely would not include any of you losers!)  One day, when you least expect it...there I will be, placed above you and ready to order you and the other Chosen to do my bidding in the most amusing ways.  Mesaana, have you ever considered becoming a contortionist?  You will.


~Aran'gar Balthamel




You couldn't scheme your way out of your dress, Balthy *rolls eyes*


- Semi




At least I know what I have under my dress and how to use it, Semirhage.  I wouldn't be surprised if a cloud of dust arose when you change your...well, I won't finish that sentence as it makes me slightly sick to think of it.






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