I wish life were that way sometimes. I wish everything could be as easily fixed with just one click. It is not though. It hurts like hell. Like a bleeding wound that will not heal. It drains me. It eats me up inside. The memories do not help. They remind me of the happy times. Of the jokes, the love messages, the voices. Oh! That voice that filled me with so much joy should bring me so much sorrow.
I have lost myself. Maybe in him, maybe in who, he made me be. I have so much pain that I wonder if I scream…will I ever be able to stop. I want to disappear and hide under a rock, or just curl up and whimper every single moment of every single day.
Instead, I pretend. I pretend I do not care. I pretend I do not hurt. I pretend it does not matter. I smile, but my heart is breaking inside. I joke, but I have lost laughter. I try to make others smile, because I have nothing to smile for myself.
My heart bleeds. But does anyone care I wonder? Am I alone in this? They say time is a healer, how can it heal a wound that is so deep? I must be strong. I must resist. I must survive. All I think is why me?
Love me! Want me! Choose me… No one else but me, as you said you would. As the person you showed yourself to me said, he would. No,…it was all a lie. I see you with others… it eats me up inside. I want to pick you up and shake you. I want to scream at you so I can get this all out. Silence is better. I must not break the peace…