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The Lighter Side of the Taint: Just Don't Ask What They Barbecue


Alright, folks, I'd like to thank you for coming to the Friends of the Dark Local 328 Annual Picnic. If I could have your attention, I've got some quick announcements to pass on and then we can get back to the barbecue and games.


First off, I'd like to remind you that while it's a lot of fun to mess with each other, I must ask you to stop with the pranks. Hiding a corpse in the houses of fellow cell members is well and good, but once you start drawing the Dragon's Fang on each other's doors, people are going to start asking questions, and to be honest, that's counterproductive. If you're going to have a laugh, either have it at the expense of someone who isn't a contributing member or make it subtle.


Next up, on the topic of officially sanctioned masks...


Our identities are important to each of us as a way to make sure that we, as a family, are not compromised. To that end, we've long had the practice of wearing masks to these gatherings to protect ourselves. I feel I must point out once more that the list of approved materials for construction of these masks as listed under subsection 12, paragraph 7 does not include items such as lacy underwear, must consist of more than just fake spectacles and a moustache, and should not be made to look like any other person. Remember, folks, it's been 48 days since the last hanging of someone who was actually a Friend of the Dark, so let us please keep those villagers guessing.


Also on the agenda are a few notes about our dear friends, the Trollocs.


Please keep in mind while visiting Shayol Ghul on vacation to NOT, I repeat NOT taunt the Trollocs. Only Aginor knows what he bred them with to get their sense of humor, but I feel that after last month's massacre of the holiday tour group, this point cannot be stressed enough. Also, if invited over for a feast, here are two things to remember. First, make sure you know exactly what is in the bowl they are offering you for dinner and, in my opinion, it may be wise to just stick with the salad. Second, make sure you are not intended to be the main course.


Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I'd like to mention that we're undergoing a change in management. Recently the Chosen have come out of where they were locked away and have stepped up to take charge in the fight against the Light once more. Now, as of right now, they're allowing us to generally carry on as we have been, but remember your oaths. If one of them approaches you for assistance with a plot, show them the selfless pride and intelligence we're known for.


I'd also like to point out at this time that the one change they have made is to the punishment bylaws. Whereas previously, it went from a verbal warning for a first failure to a written warning for the second and so on, the bylaws now read: "First Failure: Death. Second Failure: Permanent Death." Although, of course, in their wisdom and mercy the Chosen may simply change the sentence to a lifetime of insufferable pain and then death, as they see fit. Our motto has therefore been changed as well, from "Death Before Failure" to simply "Death For Failure." Do, uh, keep that in mind.


That concludes my announcements. The barbecue is in the back. We'll be playing "Pin the murders on the Aes Sedai" a little later, and don't forget to grab a favor bag on the way home. Have a wonderful time, everybody.

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