Rules for the Evil Overlord

[Aiel Heart]

21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

[Aiel Heart]

22. I will never utter the sentence "but before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

[Aiel Heart]

23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

[Aiel Heart]

24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

[Aiel Heart]

25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own mother.

[Aiel Heart]

26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter (if I ever become an Overlord, it would indeed stop). When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

[Aiel Heart]

27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some chap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

[Aiel Heart]

28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

[Aiel Heart]

29. I wil keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way, even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless, my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

[Aiel Heart]

30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be!!! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!! (After that, death is usually instantaneous)

[Aiel Heart]

31. No matter how well it will perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable weak spot.

[Aiel Heart]

32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him.

[Aiel Heart]

33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner to be sent to my bedchamber.

[Aiel Heart]

34. I will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons on me at all times.

[Aiel Heart]

35. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will nto wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

[Aiel Heart]

36. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

[Aiel Heart]

37. Even though I really don't care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.

[Aiel Heart]

38. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

[Aiel Heart]

39. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

[Aiel Heart]

40 .All naive, busty tavern women in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

[Aiel Heart]

41. Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.

[Aiel Heart]

42. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

[Aiel Heart]

43. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall regularly climb onto some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret source of my power, rally the masses into rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thin ever comes along.

[Aiel Heart]

44. I will have a casual dress code for high ranking members of my organization. Moral is better this way. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for more formal occasions.

[Aiel Heart]

45. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.