Lost thoughts (attn.Dovan)

[Guest Faile1987]

The bright afternoon sun burning on his blonde head, Ged was somehow oblivious to whatever was happening around him. Sitting on the rooftop of one of the Asha´man´s houses, he didn´t know the name of, he occupied himself with his punishment, mending the roof a rather violent storm of the previous night had wrecked only by hand without the One Power. A punishment, Ged knew he hadn´t deserved at all. Well, somehow it was his first punishment that way...the first time he was punished for something he had done that didn´t affect any of the rules of the Black Tower, which he never had broken anyway. This was just arbitrary and random. So Asha´man Davram had seen him kissing Noy. So what? Was love a feeling that was forbidden to practise nowadays? There was nothing wrong to express your emotions even in the Black Tower. As long as you loved a girl. Yes, it really seemed that he had comittted the most evil crime some Asha´man could think of, looking at him with pure disgust contorting their faces as if he had just laid a murdered child in front of their feet.

 

So hetero love was all ok for the military drill they all were subordinate to, but showing off an equally natural feeling by one man for another was not? After all, what was the difference? Wasn´t it the same? Where was it written and who said that you weren´t allowed to love someone from the same sex? Ged shook his head sadly as he put another rooftile back into place. He had known before that what he was having with Noy would never be easy. They both new that, yet they had carried on, being together no matter what, just having each other and being as glad with it as two people who had found their real love could be. So why was the only thing everyone else could think of just anything that would keep them apart? Extra training lessons, the hardest vigils and patrols, the jobs no one else wanted? It was all too obvious that the stern military organisation of the Black Tower held no room for people like him and Noy. Everyone had to stand in line. No weaknesses or oddities and supposedly neither him nor Noy had never belonged to the strong ones. Good in the One Power they were no doubt, yet they were abnormalities who didn´t belong to the pattern and outline of the Black Tower to whose social standards they seemed in some way alien and inapt to fit in.

 

Yet to himself and thank the Light to Noy as well, their relationship had lost all that might be peculiar in the eyes of others who looked at them narrowly, seeing them hold or kiss each other openly. Both of them had given up hiding and staying away from showing what was really going on between the two former best friends openly no matter what reactions they earned for it. Ged smiled. Although it was far from easy to remain like they were under the harsh tutelage of the very anti-homosexual laws of the Black Tower and the vigilance of those being above them as Dedicated in rank, having to obey to whatever order you were given, more often arbitrary to the them lately than to anyone, neither of them would have wanted to give up just like that though. They loved each other so wholeheartedly and unconditionally that nothing and no one could keep them apart, no matter how everyone around them might try.

 

In Noy he had found his haven, his sanctuary, Ged knew. He wouldn´t have given him away, abandoned that feeling he had each time he looked at him or kissed him because of any kind of punishment. Noy had been the one who had taught him to live again, who had brought him back out of that empty, dark valley of loneliness and despair. Who had even made him forget about what he had done before he had come to the Black Tower occassionally. Noy was just the one always there for him whenever he needed someone to talk, to kiss or to cry on. Ged knew he would give the world for that man and as pathetic as it sounded, he was sure that he would always love Noy, no matter what happened. He would give his life for the man.

 

A deep sigh escaped him, as he got up, having to move his cramping muscles after having remained in an altogether unbearable and uncomfortable position for hours now. There still was a rather large whole over there in the roof, Ged knew and gritting his teeth, he blocked out the dizziness and exhaustion filling him, ignoring how long he had been working like that on this unbearably hot summer day, exposed to the sun burning down on him, making everything slightly waver and turn when he took his tools and set himself moving on staggering feet to get over to the hole that was still calling for his attention until he could consider this job and punishment done so far.

 

He didn´t even notice dripping over a loose tile as suddenly another attack of dizziness and nausea hit him. Something that wasn´t due to the sun, or only secondary to it at all. Ged didn´t know what kind of sickness it was that ailed him lately, making him unable to gather his senses as his body seemed to cramp and fall forward, without him even able to stretch out a hand to catch his fall. And falling he did. Crashing nearly headfirst through the very hole he had been intended to mend before making his was down from the two story-building, Ged somehow felt the sensation of falling, turning around helplessly before crashing backfirst through somethng massive, only vaguely feeling the blinding pain of his leg and most likely at least half a dozen ribs breake as the weight of his body increased by the speed of his drop smashed into the floor of the story below, just proofing another time how thin those were as splitters of wood cut him deeply, without letting him become aware of anything happening but the agony of flaming pain exploding everywhere in his body, fire in his back breaking through his semi-unconscious as with a dry, cracking sound reverberating throughout his entire body his spine snapped.

 

All of that seemingly happened without him really being aware of it though. Ged´s vision became a blur and the last thing he saw before darkness came over him and bloacked out everything, was Noy´s face above him and the touch of this kiss on his lips. “Noy…â€, Ged mouthed soundlessly though, unable to voice anything as he seemed to be drowned by his own blood, choking him as a thin line ran down from the corner of his mouth and his ears matting his blonde sweaty hair before his green eyes rolled back in his head and he knew nothing anymore as his senses eluded him.

[Dovan Panrael]

OOC: Sorry for taking so long... I've been having laptop problems... It wasn't connecting to networks so I brought it to a computer geek friend of mine who (after uploading and then running a spyware buster) hissed at how much junk I had on my PC! Lol... so, no more porn sites for me!! (jk) But anyways, I digress; on to what I'm really here for.

 

IC:

 

As the afternoon slowly turned to dusk, Dovan rubbed his weary hands which had been put to much use in the Black Tower's library and in the private homes and offices of the Asha'Man and a Storm Leader or two. Elrin was buzzing about the kitchen stopping only for seconds to inspect the contents of a lidded pot and perhaps stir it with the wooden spoon she held like a queenly sceptar before she would move on to check the roast and then on to make sure the bread had been leavened enough. It seemed to Dovan Panrael that his wife was in five places at once! He lowered his head and smiled at a passing thought: when a woman settles down and finds her domain, she quickly becomes master of it. He himself never knew that she had prepared most of the meals back when he still owned his family's ancient estate, but that was no fault of his own. She went through great lengths to keep that secret, and it worked!

 

Little Elayne and Jora were playing with cloth dolls in the corner of their family's den while sixteen-year-old Adem, not too far from his little sisters, was crouched over a large, leather-bound book hungrily reading the words. They had been rather scared by the storm that tore over the Black Tower grounds just nights before. Sections of the roof over Adem's room had been ripped off by the mighty winds, and Dedicated Ged had been assigned to repair the damages by himself. Why he was doing it without the One Power, the old man didn't know and wasn't likely to ask about it either. Dovan Panrael was many things, but careless was not high on the list, and until he learned what was and was not taboo in this madhouse he found himself in, he was determined to keep his head down and his nose clean and do whatever task he was assigned to the best of his ability. Maybe that way he would survive this fatal flip of fickle Fate.

 

"Dinner will be ready in--" Elrin was announcing loudly over the noise of hammering when suddenly the noise cut off. "Well, finally--!" she began again, but the large crash made her jump back into the kitchen, her flour-covered hands clenched together at her waist. The second crash, which sent her falling over backwards shrieking, was accompanied with a black blur, riddled with long, thin splinters, falling through the ceiling and landing upon the dining table. The force of the impact to its surface was much too much for the sparse collection of mismatching table legs and the house was filled with a third and final crash as the table collapsed and lie still. Dovan, who had a fortuitously clear path through the dirt and dust kicked up, saw Dedicated Ged lying on the ruined dinner table, blood trickling from his mouth and ears, which meant that he had seriously hurt his head--if he wasn't dead already, he told himself.

 

Elayne and Jora--once they had realized what had happened--began crying and wailing at the top of their lungs; Elrin was looking around wild- and wide-eyed. No one was moving to see if this young man was still alive, so it was up to him to take action. Carefully, he made his way over the bits and pieces of the ceiling and floor that had fallen and crouched down beside the man. When he put his ear to the boy's chest to listen for a heartbeat, the Dedicated coughed softly, blood splattering on his paling face.

 

"Adem!" he yelled in as commanding a tone as he could muster. "Come here and hold his head still. He's still alive!"

 

His son complied and ran over to hold the Dedicated's head.

 

"Noy..." the injured man whispered as though one last cry of mourning for a loved one to hear before he shed his mortal coil, and his son gave him a helpless look and then placed his head in his lap almost lovingly and sat there in his shock running his fingers through the fallen man's hair.

 

"Elrin!" he barked. "Quiet the girls or go find an Asha'Man healer." She visibly collected her wits and nodded before dashing out the door, crying out into the night for a healer.

 

Gently, Dovan sent his fingers running over the young man's torso feeling for broken bones. His leg was obviously broken if the crooked angle at which it rested and the unavoidable, jagged piece of bone sticking through the man's black pants were any indication. His hips were at an odd angle to his upper body that hinted at a broken spine, and he was bleeding from too many places to count. If something wasn't done then and there, this boy was going to die where he lie before an Asha'Man stepped foot inside their ruined home. Dedicated Ged needed help now or he would die horribly from internal bleeding. Dovan hated feeling helpless like this! There must have been something he could've done. Watching this young boy die before his eyes was killing him. He supposedly had this tremendous power within him, but what good was it now? When he wanted something more than anything and he hasn't even been trained to use it, forbidden to use it until training!

 

"Da?" Adem asked shakily. "Is he going to... die?"

 

But he had to do something! Instinctively, he reached up cupped the young man's chin in his hands when suddenly his senses exploded. Dovan could feel every broken bone, every bleeding vessel, every fading breath of Ged. Better--it all needed to be better--to be Healed! Then suddenly something changed: broken bones reset themselves, vessels melded back together, blood clots clearing themselves, his spinal cord reconnecting itself, and then when everything was right, Ged shuddered violently before lying still, sleeping deeply. His son was staring at him in horror or surprise; the old man couldn't discern which.

 

Dovan, on the other hand, immediately felt like he had just run around the tower grounds five times when he was sure he couldn't do it once in reality.

 

"In here, Asha'Man," commanded his wife's much calmer voice. "This way."

 

A black-coated figure strided into the room and ran to and crouched down by Ged, politely pushing his son out of the way. He placed his hands on Ged's forehead, but quickly pulled them away.

 

"Did you do this?" the Asha'Man demanded angrily. "Well? Did you? Answer me!"

 

"I... I didn't mean to," he admitted, half-heartedly raising a hand partly to plead, partly to defend himself. "It just sort of happened."

 

"Well, you could've killed this man--or worse! You could've Healed him wrongly and crippled him for life! The very fact that you did it right without training and managed no to kill him is purely luck. You will no try this again--blood and ashes--you will no attempt to even channel again until you are assigned a mentor. Do I be clear, Soldier?"

 

"So tired..." he said before collapsing from the sheer exhaustion of what he had just done. "So... tired...."

[Guest Faile1987]

Redness. The feeling of drowning in his own blood taking him, something pushing him under like an icy han packing him and dumping him into a river of blood, his own blood seemingly coming from everywhere to squeeze the last bit of breath out of him, the pressure somehow seeming to explode in his head, spilling red all over in blinding pain before everything seemed to go numb and fall back, before redness became blackness that shrouded everything, blocked out all that had been on his mind for a second time, making him lose all who he once had been, leaving nothing but emptiness.

 

"Ged? Ged!? Ged Maevere! Now look at you!" He nearly winced at hearing the voice calling for him, indignation suddenly outweighing worry as he came into view of the little stooping farmhouse he had grown up in.

 

Muddy pants slacking around his still wet legs, their squishy sound only supplied by the small squeaking noise of his sodden shoes, the rest of him wasn´t in a state that could really be considered better, rather deranged and wet and muddy all over, with a couple of rips and holes adorning his once clean shirt and breeches, he appeared in front of the voice whose urgency had summoned him.

 

The boy called Ged looked down on his shoes, his features drawn with guilt, yet there was a mischieveous glint in his eyes, more than hinting at his rather fun-loving boyish nature like any twelve-year old should still have, farmboy and used to work hard for what he had or not. "Mom...I...I was just...Sheep was...", he didn´t even get any further before his mother interrupted him again, raising a lecturing finger when he cast down his eyes again, one hand unconsciously patting the large dog he had called sheep for some odd reason that didn´t even reveeal itself to him anymore, even though he used Sheep to herd the dog´s very namesakes with. Still no one could overlook that the dog was following young Ged wherever he went with an utmost and unconditional devotion and loyalty only dogs were prone to.

 

The small smile that had blossomed on Ged´s lips slowly faded though as he had to endure his mother´s angry lecture about the work she would have with mending the damage in his clothes he had just caused by following this stupid dog into the Waterwood once more and that he should have grown up enough to look after himself and not stumble into any muddy hole in his way. Well, as usual she didn´t grasp what he had been after once again. That he just wanted to break free, wanted to leave the tightness of his little farm-life to visit big cities like his dad ...that...

 

Suddenly everything around him began to whirl and waver, the face of his mother swimming and becoming a blurr as he seemed to topple over, losing the grip on sheep´s think fur as he was pulled away, taken to somewhere else, but still not losing his grip to the world he was just being ripped out only to be thrown into another, after shivering and jerking like a mad rag doll once more, feeling like his heart was frozen by some kind of icy fist pressing tight, before he took his first raspy breath of the air in this new world, that seemed so alien to where he had come from. As something, some force he couldn´t discern forced him to open his eyes, heavy like leaden shutters, yet eventually fluttering open in seemingly everlasting slowness until they finally just popped open, floating his retinas with blinding sunlight whose origin he couldn´t tell at all. It had been a cloudy day where he had come from. Not at all like this place.

 

He was lying. Lying in a bed of some sort. That much he noticed. Where was he though? Who was he and what had brought him here, ripped him away from whereever he had been, where he had been happy and without any graver worry than how to make his mom stuff the holes in his pants without much more than a lecture.

 

Weakly he tried to raise his head, to see where he was and what was going on around him as he felt other people in the room with him. Yet the effort of raising his head to see a couple of blurry figures grouped around his bed, only made him shiver and tremble, only magnifying the dizziness and nausea and draining dizziness he felt. Light! What was going on here? What...

 

"Mom...? Mom...is...is Dad home already? I...I need to...", he heard himself mutter, his voice somehow sounding hoarse and distant, speaking costing him even more effort than he had ever thought possible and he didn´t even feel the hand on his forehead or hear the soothng words only scraping his conscious before his eyelids lowered again and the sleep of utter exaustion took him once more.

 

He was running. Running as fast as he could. Breaking free of the bondages holding him. Running, screaming for help. Running as fast as his feet were carrying him, Sheep at his side.

 

No. No, that was wrong. He wanted to run, to get away from here, to get help. To get out. Smoke biting in his nose. Fire heating the room he was trapped in, clutching Sheep to his chest who seemed but wanting to share his own fear, panic in those deep green eyes. A child´s eyes still, yet a child´s eyes that would never know innocence again. He had seem too much already.

 

Like a mouse, exposed and defenseless waiting for the cat to strike he was trapped, unable to do anything to escape the dreadful fate awaiting him. To his left side a wall already was toppling over, its fiery dust making him cough and gasp for breath where there was none. Light, he wanted to get out and if he had been able to move, maybe, just maybe he would have found a way out, some hole to escape through. Yet what he saw hold him in place, made him unable to move even a hair to do anything to prevent what was happening, to scream or yell let alone safe anybody from what was just happening, least of all himself.

 

Ged whimpered, once again feeling like a small boy, much younger than his twelve years, tears running down his cheeks as he sat there paralyzed, his dog being his only source of comfort as he whimpered and screamed at what was just happening right before his eyes.

 

He didn´t know how many he had killed already. Half a dozen maybe, maybe more. Ged couldn´t do anything but stare wide-eyed at the scenario before him, his wails feeling like choking him as his eyes stuck to the lifeless form of his father, the knife of his killer still protruding from his chest and panic, grief and despair drove him half-crazy if he wasn´t completely already, when he watched that black-coated figure burn a hole through his mother´s middle just in front of him sending her limb body right on top of the one of his father.

 

Ged couldn´t even scream anymore. Not cry anymore. Choking sobs were all that escaped his little body, curled up into a small ball, futilely trying to hide by making himself as small as possible, trying to blend into the burning chaos around him, the notion about just pretending to be one more of the dead briefly striking him, yet he couldn´t bring himself to move and lay down, let alone close his eyes. transfixed in his horror as he was.

 

His horror came close to actual collaps when the yet faceless black-clad figure slowly turned around though, the first thing striking Ged were the blond hair so closely resembling the tone of his own, but when the man turned around, Ged was struck with silence for a second that seemed endless as he looked into the face of the one that had just killed not only men he had known from his childhood but also his own parents, their bodies still emitting a faint smoke as they lay in front of him, blank eyes staring upwards in silent accusation.

 

But the only thing Ged say where those delicate, cold features looking at him, the green-eyed stare of a man maybe six or seven years his major burning itself into his mind. His own face. His own eyes. His very own self standing in front of him. Ged screamed, he couldn´t help himself. He screamed unlike ever before, madness overwhelming him.

 

Still yelling at the top of his lungs, Ged didn´t even notice himself jerking upright in his bed, eyes wide open, as his heart raced in panic, breath going in gasping pants as his body collapsed on the bed again, every notion of sleep beyond him now.

[Dovan Panrael]

Adem Panrael sat in his new home, in his new bedroom unsure of what to do or think anymore. Only hours ago, a handsome man came crashing through their ceiling ruining his mother's dinner, his father had touched his broken bleeding body then the next thing he knew the man, Ged, was no longer knocking on Death's door and his father had collapsed after an Asha'Man came in and yelled at him. Now, both Ged and his father, Dovan, were occupying beds in one of the Black Tower's sick-houses, "recovering," said one of the Asha'Man, and they couldn't visit until tomorrow afternoon. His feet dangled over the edge of his hastily found and sloppily-made bed and he just couldn't think what to do next. Truthfully, he didn't know what to think--or what to feel. How could he? Light, he was only eighteen. A boy of his age was still expected to be climbing trees and shirking work back in Andor, but now he had been forced into being the man of the house with his father out of commission for the Light only knows how long. And that man, Ged, he had… had… Adem didn’t even know how to begin comprehending any of his thoughts about the man. He felt strangely connected to the man, as though helping to save him had made them instant friends despite the fact that he had never even spoken to the channeler before, and Adem wanted to chastise himself at how silly an idea that that was, but still--he just couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had just made a new best friend. It was almost a sense of possession over Ged, but Adem knew that that couldn’t be true or possible. Could it have been that his first encounter with death had given him some false sense of companionship? When Ged’s head was resting in his lap, he had this overwhelming determination that he did not want this man to die. Perhaps by aiding in the man’s rescue, the young man hoped to find his first friend here at the Black Tower. Maybe that was it; he just saw a great potential for friendship.

 

“Ugh,†he groaned at the ceiling. Too many “maybe’s†and probabilities, and no actual basis of reason or logic! Adem, even since youth, had been considered very mature for his age--and maybe he had been--but he had always been able to see reason and logic in every situation he had ever been in. And now… and now… “Ugh!†He just wanted everything to aright itself by morning. His older brother had always told him that joy always comes with the morning sun and that if he ever had a problem that could wait for tomorrow, he should sleep on it, so Adem rolled over, shut his eyes, and tried breathing deeply until sleep finally overcame him.

 

-------------------

 

Dry… Dovan Panrael’s mouth was so dry and his stomach empty. His eyelids were so heavy, reluctant--almost refusing--to part and his limbs were so tired they would not even stir. Where… where was he? There was a bed underneath him. Was that… a good thing?

 

“Lie still, old man,†said a gentle voice beside him. “You need your rest.â€

 

“Water,†Dovan gasped, his throught dry and scratchy. “I-I need…â€

 

“Water, yes, I know,†replied the gentle voice. “Here you go.†Suddenly, cool, refreshing liquid filled his mouth. It tasted different. This wasn’t just water; there was a bitterness to it. “Don’t worry. I’ve added some herbs to help you regain your strength. It’s just fine.

 

“You have many people in the Tower flustered with the stunt you pulled last night,†the man said while Dovan gulped down the bitter fluid. “Overchanneling like that without proper instruction or supervision and with such a dangerous weave as Healing, no less.â€

 

Dovan began spitting up nasty water. “I-I never--†he protested, but the man cut him off and forced more of the liquid down his throat.

 

“I know you’ve never channeled before, and your quick action did save the life of Dedicated Ged. However, there are penalties for breaking as many statutes as you did, but your family--namely your wife--is petitioning against any disciplinary actions due to the severity of the situation. That woman is a force to be reckoned with.â€

 

Dovan only groaned in agreement. Elrin was as undeniable as a sea gale and five times as vicious.

 

“She actually cornered the M’Hael himself to demand that you be cleared of all charges against you.†The gentle voice gave a hearty chuckle, saying, “Rumor is she chased him from his office all the way to the outer barricades, demanding you be absolved of all charges. I just wish I could have been there to see it,†the man chuckled again before taking away the empty cup from Dovan’s lips.

 

“But now, you need to rest. Your family is going to come visit later this evening, and if you rest until then, you’ll probably be able to sit up and talk by then. Just rest.â€

 

-----------------

 

“How are my little girls?†Dovan asked, pinching the cheek of his youngest daughter, Elayne. The day had worn on, and he had just woken up an hour past, just in time to see his family walk in the door.

 

“We brought these for you, daddy,†Elayne said, handing him a handful of wildflowers, most of them wilting or crushed, but still the gesture warmed his soul. Maybe he hadn’t destroyed his family as badly as he had first thought.

 

“Thank you, my little Lily,†he said, patting her head lovingly.

 

“Father,†Adem began, “are you going to be… okay?â€

 

“Yes, Adem. I only need rest.â€

 

His son nodded slightly and his worried look melted away almost completely. Eyes downcast, Adem asked, “What about Dedicated Ged?â€

 

“Ged?†Dovan remarked, only a little confused by his son’s odd behavior. “He’s across the hallway. The Asha’Man have told me he’s doing fine; he’s just having bad dreams at night. So he’s been awake all morning.â€

 

“Can…can I go see him?†Adem asked.

 

“I’m sure he would like that, son, but be warned: he hit his head very hard when he fell. Despite my Healing him,†Dovan said, not able to keep the wonder from his voice, “he’s still not in his right mind. From what I’ve been told, he’s lost quite a bit of his memory, so if he says something… odd, don’t let it upset you. He probably doesn’t even know who you are. And last night he kept screaming, ‘Sheep!’ Could you see if you can’t pry an explanation out of him?â€

 

“Yes, father,†Adem said before standing up and tentatively walking out of the room, a confused expression on his face.

 

“‘Sheep’?†Dovan’s wife snorted. “Of course he would have sheep on his mind! What a wool-headed thing to do: falling through someone’s ceiling!â€

 

“Elrin!†Dovan scolded. “Not here.â€

 

“Well, I’m glad to see you’re feeling a little less squeamish,†she sniffed.

 

The older man let that remark go without paying much mind to it. Adem’s strange behavior had him a little worried.

 

Elrin must have seen the look on his face because she said, “He’s always been timid, you know. Maybe he’s just feeling a little shy about meeting Ged. The only thing he talked about on the way here was how he wanted to introduce himself to the poor fool.â€

 

There was a moment of silent contemplation shared between the two of them as their only remaining son left the room, then Dovan remembered something an Asha’Man had told him earlier.

 

“So I heard you chased down the M’Hael to clear my name,†he said wryly, giving his wife a secretive grin.

 

“You heard, huh?†she harrumphed, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Have you been doing nothing but gossiping all morning long?â€

 

“Presently,†he chuckled lightly, “all I can do is talk or listen to others talk.â€

 

“Well, if it pleases you to know, I did have a conversation with that pompous, odious man, and although it took me several hours to… convince him, he finally came to his senses and decided that you did what any good man of the Black Tower should have.â€

 

The bedridden man shook his head and chuckled mirthfully. “Thank you, Elrin.â€

 

“You had better be thankful,†she chided playfully. “Do you know how many men in black coats I had to beat away to even get to talk to that man? And on top of that, I had to convince him to hastily find us a new residence--one that was around families with younger children so Jora and Elayne would have someone to play with besides each other. They need children their age. And it’s even closer to the library, so Adem seems content with it.â€

 

“That’s nice, dear,†he said, hoping she would stop before she launched into her occasional mindless nattering, but she didn’t. In fact, she flew into it headlong!

 

------------------

 

Closing the door behind him, Adem slowly approached the vacant chair next to Ged’s bed. When he had first entered the room, he saw the blond-haired channeler dozing. It was probably better that he wasn’t awake, Adem thought. If nothing else, it made it much easier for the youth to get this close to him without feeling incredibly awkward. As he peacefully napped, Adem noticed the man’s cheeks didn’t seem nearly as gaunt or pale as they had the night before. There was slight coloring in his cheeks and his lips were no longer drawn and white, but crimson and full like a rosebud that was ready to explode to life. That was when Adem became aware of two emerald eyes regarding him, causing the boy to jump in surprise.

 

“Uh,†he said, trying to force himself to say something--anything! “My, uh, my name is A-adem. Y-you fell th-through my roof.â€

[Guest Faile1987]

He didn´t know how long he had been laying awake on his bed now, sleep occasionally taking him into its firm grip as his weakened body succumbed to the baiting promises of the rest he still needed so badly physically, yet mentally was already more afraid of than he could fathom.

 

He remembered waking up screaming. Out of his mind in panic as he jerked upright in his bed only to slump back weakly once again as he still wasn´t capable to holding himself up on his own. Darkness scraping at the edges of his awareness again, slowly clouding his mind and dragging it back into the abyss of never-ending nightmares, Ged had nearly used up all the strength and energy his recovering body had left him to try and stay awake, not to give in to those visions tormenting him again, incoherent and gruesome as they were. He just couldn´t stand it anymore. The maddening images of himself, his own emotionless face, cold, uncaring eyes killing those people without pity, without remorse.

 

But as it was, the worst thing was, that he might have done all that by himself. He might have killed all those people. Light, he didn´t even know who he was anymore, what he was doing here, what was happening to him! Light, who AM I? He had asked that himself now dozens of times. It just seemed to stick to his mind. That simple question. So simple it seemed, yet he hadn´t found any answer to it yet. He just didn´t know. It was as if something had been erased from his mind, his memory. Holes. That most likely described it best. He felt like having a lot of holes in what had once been complete. Not knowing anything for sure anymore. Light, he had even had to ask for his very own name, a couple of times until at least that tiny yet crucial detail had reappeared in his conscious.

 

Ged Maevere. 20 years of age. Born and grown up in Baerleon, Andor. Light, Baerleon! Something very essential of his life had happened there, just what? WHAT?? No matter how hard he tried, he couldn´t remember. Maybe…no. No, it just couldn´t be. No, he hadn´t killed all those people, his own MOTHER! No! No, this wasn´t true. There had to be another explanation for it. There had to…

 

Sleep reaching out for him again, dragging him away like a too big dog would a little child. The little child he once was, almost able to ride on Sheep´s back until he outgrew the big dog. No. No, this was just wrong. Meadows. Green fresh grass, inviting to let his sheep graze on. Then wolves howling somewhere far away. A howl in anger, fear. The smell of smoke biting him again, making his eyes water. The howl becoming a shriek. A shriek of panic. A pleading for mercy. Yet he had none. No, no mercy for those. Not after what they had done. No. He would kill them. Kill them all in his rage. Burn. Destroy. Kill. No mercy. No remorse. No forgetting. No! Faces contorting to twisted shadowy masks. Circling around him. Coming closer. Burning eyes. Fire shooting out of their screaming mouths, opened for a last mourning moan. Coming closer. Closer. Smoke. Fire. Heat. Those eyes! Light those eyes! No!

 

With a gasp Ged´s eyes snapped open, blinking shortly in confusion as he still felt disorientated, ripped away, out of place. Only after a moment of unmoving staring at the white ceiling above him, he suddenly became aware again of where he was. Of the little sterile room of the infirmary he was laying in. Only then he noticed the pair of startling blue eyes looking down on him. No fiery eyes. Nothing burning in them. No fire. Just smooth deep blue eyes like clear pools in spring. Eyes he would have felt like drowning in hadn´t he been in such a confused and dazzled state as he undoubtedly still was.

 

Surprised at his own calm breathing, Ged worked his mouth silently, wanting to say something, yet his throat was so tight, so incredibly tight that he felt like choking every second.

 

“My, uh, my name is A-adem. Y-you fell th-through my roofâ€, the boy to who this remarkable eyes that somehow still were holding his attention, in fact keeping his mind from more troubling thoughts for the first time in what seemed ages to him, said, lips quivering as though he was either very nervous, or very afraid of him, Ged thought dimly. Well, the boy had very good reason to be scared of him, Ged supposed, part of his mind still vividly envisioning that flaming inferno, he seemed to have caused.

 

Aloud though he said, somehow making his dry throat bring out a few croaking words with the faint hope that they would be audible and understandable: “Y-Yes…I…I guess that´s right…they…they told me…what…what happened…Light…â€, talking aloud feeling like being dragged over still glowing coals, Ged somehow tried to push himself up, attempting to prop up his weight on his elbows, yet he only succeeded in doing that for one trembling second. A tremor of uncoming dizziness and nausea taking over him again, he sagged back on his bed, his vision so blurry and the boy´s face suddenly spinning in wild turns around him, that he briefly had to close his eyes, groaning softly feeling sick and slightly annoyed about his own physical weakness, about his body betraying him like that and yet he could do nothing to stop this humiliation, but struggling to make the fog lift from his mind and trying to keep his anyway empty stomach from trying to empty itself on the spot.

 

It seemed to take ages until he had gathered up enough courage to open his eyes again, somehow feeling childish about his own fear, the dread he had felt, fearing what he would see as the clouds lifted from his vision, clearing his view once more only to find the boy who had just introduced himself as Adem still being there, looking at him somewhat worriedly. “I…Light…I´m sorryâ€, Ged stammered coarsely, still having to put way too much effort into making his voice work. “I…my name is…Ged. Ged Maevere. At least…at least that´s what they…what they told me…I…I´m sorry…but…â€,Light, he was stammering and rambling like an idiot! But Light, he was thirsty. “…but…could you give me a cup of water, please?â€

 

Clinging on his awareness with all that he had now, Ged clenched his teeth, determined not to let sleep win again. Not this time. He would not faint again. He would beat it, this time…

[Dovan Panrael]

Adem couldn't believe the man was awake after all that had happened. Yet there was a certain comfort the eighteen year old (OOC: Notice, Incarns and upper-ups, the change in age to a more "legal" and acceptable age! lol) felt with the Dedicated being awake. For a second their eyes locked and the man's mouth moved soundlessly until finally he said, “Y-Yes…I…I guess that´s right…they…they told me…what…what happened…Light…â€

 

In a movement which Adem guessed was an attempt to sit up, the man suddenly closed his eyes and remained silent and still for several minutes while his face changed several colors. Adem looked around wondering what to do. He felt helpless again, not being able to do anything while this man was suffering in front of him, but finally, Ged opened his eyes hesitantly and began blinking furiously, although from the look on his face, it looked as though he didn't realize he was doing it. There seemed to be a haze over his eyes, something clouding his vision and he was trying to clear it away naturally by blinking, but eventually, it seemed as though his sight returned as Ged's eyes fixed upon him once more with that intense, emerald gaze.

 

“I…Light…I´m sorryâ€, Ged stammered coarsely, sounding as though the man was putting more effort into simply speaking than what it first appeared. “I…my name is…Ged. Ged Maevere. At least…at least that´s what they…what they told me…I…I´m sorry…but…but…could you give me a cup of water, please?â€

 

Adem tried to summon forth the words, but they simply wouldn't come this time. All he could do was nod and pour him a small cup of water from a nearby pitcher that rested on a gold-gilded, silver, rope-worked tray. A fancy and expensive piece for the Black Tower, he thought idly. As he poured the water, the young man noticed a slightly greenish tint to the water, herbs probably, but it wasn't going to help Ged keep it down any easier if the man was half as nauseaous as the boy thought he was. Still, it was probably best he drink it.

 

"H-here you go," Adem said, returning with a cup filled to the brim. "J-just open your mouth, and I'll pour." The man obeyed and immediately swallowed the water down with the vigor of a man who had been trapped in the Aiel Waste for a week without water! The problem of the bitter taste apparently wasn't as bad as he had predicted of which he was thankful. "There you go." He brought the bedridden man three more cupfulls before he had had enough.

 

They sat in near silence as Ged had to catch his breath from exerting himself with such a menial chore such as swallowing, a near silence that had Adem chewing on the inside of his cheek--a nervous habit of his.

 

"I-I thought I'd just come in and say, 'hello,'" Adem said quietly, breaking the dreadful silence. "It seems that not many people have come to visit you. I just thought that you might want someone to talk to. I mean, I usually d-don't talk to strangers but you did... drop in for a visit last night," Adem said lowering his head to hide his rueful, embarrassed smirk. How could he say something so stupid? "Well, anyways, I don't know how w-well I'll be able to chat. I'm more of a 'young philosopher' as my mother calls me." He gave one last nervous chuckle while he let all he had said sink in to the recovering man on the bed before him.

[Guest Faile1987]

He almost wanted to die from shame at his own weakness. Light, he couldn´t even expose his body to gather up enough strength to pass the effort of merely sitting up or holding the cup of cool, greenish water by himself. It was just humiliating. Being in that state he curretnly was in, simple tasks becoming impossible to do, no matter how hard he tried. Frustrated, he didn´t even have the strength to let his frustration show, Ged tried to nod weakly when Adem held the cup to his lips, unable to even ask what this greenish tinge on the surface of the liquid was. Herbs, he thought, well, he hoped. As long as it wasn´t anything that made him even sleepier. More sleep was definitely the last thing that he needed as with sleep the dreams would return. No, he refused to give in to that. That little self-respect and willpower remained inside him to keep himself awake even though he couldn´t deny that it was becoming harder by every minute.

 

But Light, he didn´t mind the slightly bitter taste of the herbs in the water at all. Eager for the coolness of it flowing down his dry throat, longing for some moisture like seed about to grow in the midst of a hot summer´s drought. He didn´t even know how much he drank, only felt the sensation of wetness in his body once more, finally swallowing the last drop of what maybe was the third, maybe the fourth cup. Sighing contently, Ged had to find his breath again, as even drinking seemed to be an effort driving him to his limits. He would be fine, as long as he didn´t fall asleep again. He would be fine.

 

I-I thought I'd just come in and say, 'hello,'" Adem said quietly, breaking the dreadful silence. "It seems that not many people have come to visit you. I just thought that you might want someone to talk to. I mean, I usually d-don't talk to strangers but you did... drop in for a visit last night,"

 

On hearing that, all the insecurity clearly audible in the young man´s voice, nervousness prevailing over anything, Ged couldn´t help but smile at the comment about exactly how he had entered the life of this one. "Dropped in", he had indeed. Keeping up that smile, strained and rather week, he managed a faint nod, his eyes still being held by the blue-eyed gaze of the man who still appeared too boyish for his own good. Well, for that matter, Ged´s twenty years weren´t that much of a mature age either.

 

"It is alright", he said, attempting a reassuring tone as he noticed the shyly downcast stare and the inevitable embarrassed flush on the boy´s delicate face. Light, Ged thought, but he couldn´t help himself. He just couldn´t keep himself from staring at Adem, something about him...attracting him...Attraction? Was this really the right word though? Was it like that? Well...in that disadvantage of a situation, more than half of his memories lost, most of the other half still too vague or too blurry to make out anything, Ged faintly recalled a man playing a role in his life. An important role. Had he been his lover? Ged didn´t know. "Noy...", he murmured sofly as though to himself, yet the name was clearly understandable, so much longing and confusion laid into it.

 

Light! Who am I? WHO AM I?, the question spun in his miind, turning round and round and round again. A question Ged knew he wouldn´t be able to find an answer to just by himself though. He needed help. Every help he could get. And yet...and yet, he dreaded what this help could reveal to him, what he would find on his strife to retrieve his lost self.

 

"Light...I...I don´t know...", he whispered softly, as though unsure whether to voice his thoughts aloud. "I...I seem to have forgotten anything, after...after I fell and your father...they said he Healed me. That I would have died without him. I...I thank you...both of you. I´m owing you...both..."

 

But maybe they had better let me die, the thought shot through his mind full of self-reproach. But no. No,that was too easy. To easy for him. He had to find out. He just had to. No matter what. This was worse than anything. Worse than death maybe. Not knowing anything about yourself, about who you are, once were. About the people close to you. About the people you loved. No, he wouldn´t take this anymore. He would find out. Somehow.

 

"You...you don´t happen to know anything about me?", Ged asked, once more feeling as helpless as a babe in its cradle. Yet this had fairly less to do with his physical weakness. He felt helpless and weak as anyone could be, but this feeling would even last past his recovering, if he didn´t do anything. "Do you know everything about...about who I am...who I was...was there...was there anyone with me?" Light, he hoped to find some hints, anything, any clue to what of those dreams was true. But what if they were all true? What if no one would ever be able to tell him?

[Dovan Panrael]

Slowly, he leaned in and planted a kiss on those suddenly unsure lips. It seemed the right thing to do, anyways.

 

"Don't worry, Elrin," Dovan said, as he pulled away from his wife's beautiful lips. "I'll be out in... a couple of days, I believe. They say that I have to have rest now or I'll over exert myself, which at my ripe old age--or so they continuously remind this venerable antique--can cause heart problems."

 

"Well," she said, her facade suddenly back in place just as quickly as it had slipped, "then you had better listen to them or else! If you die, I'll follow you into death and kill you myself!"

 

The silver-haired man chuckled mirthfully as he patted his wife's cheek lovingly and wished her a good night.

 

Suddenly something shifted in the back of his mind. It wasn't incredibly noticeable, more like a small shadow shifting in a corner of his mind, but in the silence that ensued his family's departure, the odd sensation grabbed his attention like iron filings to a lodestone. What was it? It was something new, he knew for a fact, because it wasn't there until after he had woken up in the infirmary. Supposedly, he had touched the True Source when he Healed Ged, and--as he'd been told by the infirmary workers as he drifted in and out of consciousness--the Source was surrounded by the Taint, so was this the.. Taint he had in his head? If it was this strong already.... No, it couldn't be. Not yet, anyways. One of the Asha'Man had mentioned something in passing about an odd connection with some of the patients he had Healed. Was that shifting, that odd scuttle in his head, Dedicated Ged? Dovan had been trying to pick at this sensation all day long, and now he knew what it was... but it still didn't make him feel any more assured of it.

 

---------------

 

Ged began to mumble incoherently for several minutes, confusion sure and evident in his tone and looks, both of which made something inside of Adem twitch. And then that name again, "Noy..." Ged said it with such passion and confusion and still seemed as though he didn't know to whom he was calling. Suddenly, that piercing-yet-lost ,green-eyed gaze locked onto his eyes with a pleading tremor in them.

 

"You...you don´t happen to know anything about me? Do you know everything about...about who I am...who I was...was there...was there anyone with me?" the weakened channeler asked, almost begged.

 

"I-I-I'm sorry," he stammered struck by a complete lack of words. What do you say to something like that? "I-I don't--"

 

"Adem," his mother interjected, sticking her head into the room. "It's time to go home. Visiting hours are over, and I'm sure the roast is almost done."

 

With a torn look at Ged and then at his no-nonsense mother, he asked, "Can I stay the night? Ged doesn't want to go to sleep--and I know he enjoys the company," he added, almost in desperation.

 

But when she fixed him with that look and brought the tell-tale fist up to her hip, Adem knew that the matter was over once and for all, no if's, and's, or but's about it!

 

"I-I've..." he said looking back at the pale-faced man. Pausing to take a breath to gather his wits, Adem continued. "I've gotta go, Ged."

 

"No!" the man said, grabbing his forearm in a surprisingly strong grip.

 

Holding back the tears that were welling up out of nowhere, Adem could only fix his mother with a helpless look. "Mother..."

 

"Actually, ma'am," said a strong male voice somewhere out of sight, just beyond the door, "Ged hasn't been this responsive or calm all day, and he is prone to nightscares so I don't see why he can't spend the night here."

 

"You don't see why he can't," she growled in a dangerous tone, "but I do: because I said he couldn't, and that's final! Now, Adem, if you will mind your mother and be a good boy...?"

 

"Elrin!" came his father's voice, sounding faint as he was a couple of rooms away. "Let him stay the night. You won't miss him for that long." The shock at his father protesting her in such a public setting like this was evident on everyone's face except for Ged's and probably the Asha'Man's who was standing on the other side of the door. Her jaw worked furiously as she regained her composure before she once again opened her mouth to deliver a heated speech about what she says goes when once again Dovan stated, "And that's final!"

 

"You got off the hook this time, young man," his mother snipped, a muscle working in her jaw at her agitation. "But," she muttered as she turned to leave, "your father hasn't heard the last of this." And with a sniff and a furious toss of her hair, Elrin Panrael, a woman who even the Dragon Reborn would hate to meet in a dark alley, stormed down the hall and out of the infirmary without another word for anyone.

 

"It's all right, son," the Asha'Man said, moving into view. "She'll have forgotten all about it in the morning, I'm sure."

 

"No, she won't!" he said, more adamantly than he had intended. "You don't know that woman! She's a terror!"

 

"Dovan?" the man called, caught off-guard by the young man. "Did you find your wife in the Blight?"

 

"Don't even get me started," he heard his father sigh from the other room.

 

"Um..." Adem said, seeing an opportunity he probably wouldn't get again. "Ged, I need to use the jakes, but I promise, I'll return within minutes."

 

The channeler nodded absently and let go of his arm, letting Adem stand and leave the room. And after shutting the door closed behind him, Adem went from worker to worker asking after seeking information--any information--about Dedicated Ged that would be of help. Some of what he was told made his eyebrows try to rise right off his face--men did that?--but most of it was helpful. Thanking them all, the young man quietly slipped back into Ged's room and again closed the door.

 

After another few glasses of the herb-enhanced water, Adem began telling the man what he had just learned, excluding certain brutal details about the man's past. He prattled on about what Ged's full name was, when he first arrived at the Black Tower, his rank, where he had stayed, the name of his friends, his mentor. Ged, however, remained still throughout the entire speech, a somber, sober look on his face. When he had finished reporting all he had just recently learned, he looked at the sickly man and said, "Well?"

[Guest Faile1987]

"I-I-I'm sorry, I-I don't--", Ged supressed a sigh of frustration and somehow felt instantly sorry for poking the boy like that. Of course he wasn´t likely to know anything about his past. How could he anyway? No, he knew this was pointless, maybe he should just try and learn to live with his past gone, like it had never happened. Starting something new. Using this as a chance. But how could he make this curse he seemed to have to live with to a chance now? No, he had no idea and there was still the matter of this recurring dreams he couldn´t even shake off when being awake…

 

And that man. Noy…who was he…someone important, that was all he knew, but who? Another detail that woould just have to stay hidden as it was, Ged presumed.

 

Well, at least he wasn´t alone then, having to fight back those images, his personal demons on his own. As even the simple comfort of Adem´s presence was about to be withdrawn from him though, Ged couldn´t help a small wave of panic rushing through him as he reached for Adem´s arm, practically begging him not to go, not to let him alone like that.

 

Surprised at how tight and strong his own fear-increased grip was, the grip of a drowning man on the last remaining shipplank saving him from the raging waves dragging him down mercilessly, Ged held on, hoping against hope and feelin as foolish as a little child that he wouldn´t be left like that, even though the tone of Adem´s mother and what he could see of how she was standing, demanding her son to heed her words, let his heart sink.

 

But somehow, leaving him no clue how or why, not only the Asha´man who had been treating him with so much patience even through his worst fits of panic and paranoia as well as Dovan Panrael, the boy´s father himself, finally convinced the iron-willed woman to budge and let Adem stay. Ged couldn´t express how much relief he was feeling taking him over that very second she just granted Adem his wish to stay, not even knowing why he was so desperate for the boy´s company, had he been glad to be left alone by anyone since he had woken up, dealing with his demons on his own way.

 

And yet, simply knowing there was someone with him who cared, who talked to him about different things than those being on his mind, helped so much on its own, somehow making him feel better already. Ged knew he wouldn´t have missed this company for anything, even though the tone of the woman called Elrin Panrael indicated that Dovan and Adem wouldn´t be the only ones who would live to regret that later. Oh yes, they would.

 

Nodding in silence and blushing only a little when Adem told him he had to go for a little while and Ged realized that he was still holding, nearly clenching his arm as though keeping physical contact with him would also keep him in touch with his own sanity. Well, maybe it was as simple as that, maybe it wasn´t. Who knew?

 

Halfway closing his eyes, Ged was once again left alone with his own bleak thoughts, trying his very best not to try to let them build up on him, struggling to stay in his right might, refusing to surrender to what felt so close to uncoming madness again, that he didn´t think for the first time that he was mad already.

 

Still it seemed to take ages till the door creaked on its opening and Adem came back, telling him about what he found out. Ged listened intently, in a way excited about what the young man had found out, yet part of him just couldn´t stop from having his mind spin in a deperate attempt to recollect, to remember what Adem was telling him. It was like a story of someone else to him only makebelieve that this was about his very own life.

 

Ged nodded slowly, trying to make up his mind what to think about all this. It sounded reasonable, all of it and if he tried hard some bits and pieces of his fragmented memory eventually knitted together like parts of a puzzle that had gone astray. And yet…and yet there was something missing…something the boy wasn´t telling him…Ged´s face darkened when realization came to him.

 

“So…it´s true isn´t it?â€, his voice nearly broke, not being much more than a whisper when he uttered the words, the question whose answer he already knew. “The inn in …Baerleon…the fire…Light the screams…â€, he paused, a vexed expression pasing over his face as he squeezed his eyes shut for an instant as though that would enable him to drape a black curtain about what he had just come to realize again, to extinguish the memory, the guilt, everything about it from his mind. “All of it is true them…it wasn´t just a dream…â€, he sighed and closed his eyes sadly.

 

“Well…maybe…â€, he whispered faintly, his voice only gradually gaining strength again as he spoke what was on his mind with final determination. “Well, maybe, maybe you had better done how your mother told you. I don´t think…I don´t think she would want you exposed to…me and my…company. I guess no one would want that after…after what…â€, his voice broke again, as he let out a breath of despair, closing his eyes again.

 

“Maybe your father had better let me die…it´s just not been worth the effort and the pains he´s gone through for this…â€

[Dovan Panrael]

"NO!" Adem yelled reproachfully, leaping to his feet in a moment of forgotten manners, knocking his abandoned chair over backwards before realizing how scared Ged must be. "Never say that," the young man continued in a more subdued-yet-direct voice. "There is always a reason to live. Always. No-no matter what you've done in your past, there's always today, and there's no room for 'yesterdays' in your 'todays!' no matter what you've done. And the past is just that: past. Sure it can..." the boy paused to gather the right words for his speech, "haunt the dark recesses of your soul like a deep scar, but that is all. And even the nastiest of scars heal and fade over time; so will yours. And... and besides, wouldn't your family have wanted you to live happily? Isn't that why they kept their secrets from you: so you'd be happy? If they saw you now, talking like...this what would they think? They loved you, through and through. And you'd deny their most fervent, undying wish for you?

 

"And you... you didn't cause my father any trouble. If you could only see the look on his face every time he tells someone that he Healed you," Adem said, making sure to put enough emphasis on the word to imply the capital. "It's like you Healed him! He's a new man again. I mean... did you hear him stand up to my mother? That takes more of a man than most. You've put him through pain and undue effort? Ged, you've given him a reason to live again!"

 

The sickly man began to protest, but a voice came from behind them both, causing Adem to jump in place.

 

"What can I say?" Dovan said, smiling and spreading his hands to gesture as he leaned against the doorway for support. "When the boy is right, he's right," the older man chuckled. "Because of you, I've found my salvation for my past actions, and that's something I've just learned, sir. You can't be defined by the accidental happenings of your past but instead by your words and deeds of the present; otherwise, you'll only find yourself in a pit too deep to escape, and that pit has a very slippery slope, sir. Luckily, you have friends and family with ropes and ladders to help pull you out. But then again, it's up to you to take ahold and accept that fact.

 

"And that's why I'm opening my family's doors to you," Dovan said finally, with a satisfactory nod. "The Asha'Man say that you have very few friends here who are willing to watch after you while you recover what you've lost physically and mentally, so after I talked with my wife, we've decided that you should stay with us."

 

"That explains why she was in a bad mood," Adem muttered in a mock-worried tone.

 

"And, boy, was she!" Dovan chuckled. "She was spitting spears, she was so angry, but she saw the truth to it and the need for it. So," he said, carefully and slowly walking over to Ged's bed, and stuck out his hand. "How about it, sir?"

 

"My mother's a very good cook," Adem added as though that would seal the deal and then waited expectantly as Ged stared at his father's outthrust hand in surprise and bewilderment.

[Guest Faile1987]

OOC: Sorry, this will be a crappy post due to some crappy things but I didn´t want to leave that thread hanging loose like that...anyway...

 

IC: Ged blinked irritably. Had he really understood right what Dovan just said? Had asked him and Adem before? Somehow he couldn´t really believe it. They wanted him to stay with their family? No, he must have misheard that or his still muzzy mind was playing a cruel trick on him.

 

Not only had Adem, that young man he hadn´t even really known before he had entered the very room he was already beginning to feel confined in, strapped to his sickbed by his own weakened body, refusing to serve him, genuinely made him feel like someone still cared for him, but now not only him but his father as well were asking him to stay with them? To be a part of their family, if only temporarily? Telling him that he had given them something? Light, that was nearly more than Ged could take and for a while which seemed to be endless, he just kept staring at this wrinkled outstretched hand, inviting him to their house, to their company, a hand not trembling in fear of what they had heard about him or trying to gain some advantage. Genuine feelings, Light, how he missed that. That and company.

 

Ged sighed, a brief flicker of insecurity, almost shame to accept this offer passing over his face, before his eyes brightened up and for the first time in what seemed like forever for him, as he couldn´t remember anyway, his face was lit by a smile as genuine as that of Dovan and Adem when he raised his hand, still a bit wavery from the effort, yet his clasp was firm and determined.

 

"I would feel honoured, Dovan", he said, leaning back again as he let go of the old man´s hand. "And I guess you know what i´m talking about when I say that what they´re serving you as "food" here is beyond any description", he added jesting and nearly cheerful before sinking back into the realms of a light sleep once more.

 

OOC: Sorry for leaving the task to writing us out of the infirmary to you, but I´m not good at tightening things ;)

[Dovan Panrael]

Dovan couldn't help but smile as the young Dedicated before him slipped quietly and quickly into sleep even as he was shaking his old, unsteady hand. Carefully, he placed the dozing man's hand down by his side as Adem walked to other side of the bed to pull the moth-eaten quilt up to Dedicated Ged's chin and replaced the wet cloth on his forehead with a new one.

 

Placing a finger on his lips, Dovan nodded his head toward the door, and he and his son soundlessly retreated from the room.

 

"Adem," the old Soldier began, "we thought that he should share a room with you while he stays with us. I've already talked to some of the Asha'Man in the infirmary and they're going to be moving an extra bed into your room tomorrow at noon. It was slightly disconcerting how anxiously they replied with the request," Dovan said almost as an aside to himself, rubbing his chin in thought.

 

"I understand, father," Adem replied, keeping to himself what he knew of Ged's past. If what his father said was true, then Adem should not be judging the man according to his past but what he does in the present. "I'll go home first thing in the morning and get my bedroom clean and ready for Ged to move in."

 

Dovan, who was so used to addressing and thinking of his superiors with their formal or military title, paused slightly in soon-forgotten indignation before nodding, satisfied.

 

"Thank you, Adem, but for now you either need to go home and hope you don't wake your mother or spend the night by Dedicated Ged's bedside. From what I've heard, he tends to have nightscares and sometimes wakes up screaming. With people like that, I've found it's better to have someone close at hand to calm them and shush them back to sleep."

 

"But... Father," Adem said, very hesitantly and then stopped speaking completely, his face turning very red. He even lowered his head to look at his feet.

 

"Yes, Adem?" the antiquitous man asked patiently.

 

"Well, you always speak of... things as though you were right there doing them like... well, like the nightscares and medical matters and... well, so many other things, but... all you ever did was attend balls and court sessions and work all night at your desk...."

 

And now, it was Dovan's turn to lower his eyes in shame. Adem's notorious curiosity had finally led him to a naturally logical point, and the old man had always told himself that it would one day happen. But he had always told himself that it would not come until he was a bit older--a delusion, he now knew.

 

Raising his plain green eyes to meet his son's questioning look, he quickly sighed to get out some of his trepidation and fear, then explained, "I wasn't always a cold-hearted father, Adem. Long before you and your siblings were born, I was an adventurous young man--as my father saw it. Although it made my father rather upset," Dovan said, breezing through the understatement, "I joined the Queen's Guard to see some adventure. I later found that what I did see were many wounded men, long hours of walking, few hours of sleep, and much more than any man should see in his lifetime, but at the end I came out with great knowledge of battlefield medicine and a hardened heart.

 

"When I returned home, my father instructed me in running the household before he retired to his private estates in Amadicia. I met your mother at the Queen's Ball at Bel Tine and we fell in love and made a family. With children comes a whole flurry of information from every branch of the family on how to properly raise a family--usually, I should say, since by then both of your grandparents on my side had died, and your mother's parents had disowned her when she married me, so we were left to raise you by ourselves. When your older brother was still young and you were merely a babe, he would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, so most nights I would sit in his room with him until the early morning when his nanny would arrive before sunrise to relieve me. Sometimes Cris would wake up yelling and try to bolt out of the door or the window and I'd have to catch him, shush him, and put him back to bed after a glass of sweetened milk. Looking back, I guess he never really knew I had ever been there. Much like the rest of the family," he sighed, feeling the late hour's and his weakness' effects on his weary, old frame. "You had the same problem sporadically in your infancy too, Adem, but it was never as bad as Cris'." That's when the tears streamed forth from his eyes, and he cursed himself for his emotional weakness in front of his child.

 

"Father," Adem said, tears wavering in his eyes before they too gushed forward and then clasped Dovan in arms still strong with youth. "I never knew," his son softly sobbed into the old man's chest. "I never knew."

 

"I loved you all so much," was all Dovan could get out while they both stood there embracing each other for the Light knew how long, but the broken old man found he did not care to count the minutes because it only made the seconds seem insubstantial.

 

Finally, when they both had dried their tears and caught their breaths, Dovan said, "Go, now. I hear they have early hours here in the infirmary."

 

Adem nodded and returned to Dedicated Ged's sickroom.

 

The next day met them early and hit them hard, but both men felt a little stronger after the previous night's discussion. And they worked hard throughout the day until, as the sun set, Adem was helping Dedicated Ged up the stairs to his new bedroom and temporary residence, Jora and Elayne running around their feet screaming, "Welcome home, Uncle Ged!"

 

OOC: Okay, I've gotta run off to class now, so I'll leave it here!

 

Enjoy,

Dovan