Double Time (Attn: Nyanna)

[Leala]

((OOC: Hope you don't mind, Nya, but I have to get six posts out of this. :P))

 

IC:

 

Ay'Lira had never tried to break someone's block before. And yet, here she was, sitting in the garden, waiting on her student. She hadn't been an Accepted for very long, but one of her students, a girl she had been a novice with no less, apparently had a block that she couldn't break. Ay'Lira couldn't spend the whole class time making sure that she got the lesson. And no Aes Sedai seemed to want to do the work. A Blue had almost snubbed her and very pointedly told her to do the work herself without saying it outright. She hoped she didn't end up like that when she gained the shawl. She knew Aes Sedai had their secrets, but they constantly made things more complicated than they should be.

 

She sighed as she waited for Nyanna. She hoped she didn't let the girl down. Some girls didn't break their block until they were on the very edge. Some thought some blocks couldn't be broken until the girl was in mortal danger. Ay'Lira had nothing against wilders, but she was glad that she had been discovered before she stumbled onto the Power. She wondered for a moment how her family was doing. Unlike many of the Malkieri, they held it in their hearts that the White Tower had tried to reach them in time. But she couldn't let her mind wander for too long. She had to remember techniques.

 

For a moment, she wondered if she should have brought supplies, but from what she had seen and heard, words and the One Power worked well enough. Before she could leave to find some supplies, though, she saw a girl walking toward her in a white dress. "Good day, Nyanna," she said with a smile.

[Nyanna al'Meara]

((OOC: That’s perfect! We can really flesh this story out then ))

 

 

 

IC:

 

Nyanna padded silently through the vast Great Library. She liked this place. The stillness and presence of so much towering wood – though shelves instead of trees – was comforting. Much like the times she succeeded in stealing away to the stables, only this was a place she was actually allowed to be. It gave her a refuge from all the daily public commotion in the busy tower. Here, she could lose herself, pretend she was far away from the loud inquisitive crowds, all on her own again. Safe, and alone with her memories and thoughts…

 

And with the fact she felt so out of place in her classes. She didn’t really understand what the Aes Sedai and Accepted were trying to get her to do. It wasn’t as if she didn’t try – she did reach into herself to search for that light they described. Granted, she was hesitant about it, and in the end she was glad there was no power to be felt… Nyanna swallowed. That terrible power that had caused her so much anguish. Maybe this was a sign that she wasn’t meant to use it. There was awful proof what hurt it could cause if she did…

 

Her eyes fell on a red leather book bound with gold, with a shimmering, elaborate title too. Reading, as with other scholarly skills, was not her strong point. Nyanna tilted her head and started deciphering the intertwined letters. A-R- …She’d even just been learning to write properly since she arrived at the tower recently. T-U-R…Hawkwing was an interesting subject, his stories were mysterious and full of adventure…

Yet another jolt of guilt came up, this one for a more recent blunder. She hadn’t known the two novices well, but they’d been assigned to work on a project together. Feeling awkward and not knowing how to contribute to the research, Nyanna had wandered off to wallow in self pity again. She had been sent to the Mistress of Novices for that, but a small nagging feeling still gnawed at her conscience.

 

She felt weary of distancing herself from people so much all the time, now that she lived in a close environment with so many others. It was for the best though. Nyanna’s thoughts wandered back to the project, which the other two had handed in, and she’d made no effort to contribute. She knew she’d also have to apologize to Liana and Ay’Lira, herself.

 

The Blue who taught Letters had taken her aside after class that afternoon, to tell her she should report to the latter about something anyway. The other girl was Accepted now, so she supposed it was some errand. Nyanna sighed and pulled her unseeing gaze from the book to go and find Ay’Lira.

 

Wandering down the passageway towards the Accepted quarters, she passed an archway to the gardens, glancing out as she went by. Wait…Nyanna doubled back, and stopped behind a pillar to peek out along the path again. There she was! Nyanna plucked up her nerves, squared her shoulders and marched out to where the Accepted sat by a pond.

 

“Good day, Nyanna”

 

Nyanna bobbed an awkward curtsey and greeted the other girl. “Good day, uh…Ay’- Accepted?” Then she took a deep breath and before Ay’Lira could speak more, carefully said, “I want to apologize for the other day. In the library, for the Hawkwing project. I’m sorry I went away like that, there’s no excuse really for my actions.” She blushed and then went on right to ask, “I’ve been told to come to you, Accepted…you had an errand for me?”

[Leala]

Ay'Lira blinked when Nyanna insisted on calling her Accepted. Then she apologized for leaving during their project about Artur Hawkwing, and asked if she had an errand for her. All this formality was strange, coming from one who had once been in the same history class. But Nyanna seemed fidgety and unwilling to socialize. Could that be what was causing the block? It was a possibility that being around so many people who went beyond her capabilities were making her uncomfortable. She'd try to make things more casual, then.

 

She shook her head and gave the girl a smile. It was strange, thinking of a woman who had been on the same level as she had been just a few weeks ago as a girl, but there it was. "That's all in the past, Nyanna, no worries. And, I don't have an errand for you, no. But the reason I wanted to meet with you is so that you can move on. We need to break your block. I think if we do that, you may gain the confidence you need to further your studies and move forward in your training." She patted the soft grass in front of her for the girl to sit down. "Sit next to me, and we can get started. Oh, and you don't have to call me Accepted during these classes. It's just you and me here."

 

As Nyanna sat facing her, Ay'Lira wondered what her story was. She was very quiet and seemed to worry about someone no one could see. She almost seemed tormented by something. But Ay'Lira knew that she wouldn't open up immediately. "I'm going to create a ward against eavesdropping because it makes sounds outside muffled. It might be difficult because I'm here, but I want you to close your eyes and imagine a world with just you. When you've found that place, go through the rosebud exercise and try to embrace Saidar."

 

With that, Ay'Lira embraced Saidar and wove the ward a little slowly, but not clumsily. She had just learned this recently, but she could still weave it. When it was complete, she smiled at the novice across from her and said, "When you're ready."

[Nyanna al'Meara]

Nyanna breathed in relief as Ay’Lira brushed off the apologies and smiled at her. So she wasn’t in trouble either. Grateful for the more easy manner the Accepted spoke to her, she focused back on what Ay’Lira was saying.

 

“…so that you can move on. We need to break your block. I think if we do that, you may gain the confidence you need to further your studies and move forward in your training.”

 

Nyanna sat down cross legged in front of her teacher and adjusted her white skirts as Ay’Lira wove the ward…a block? Her heart sank. So the power was there, kept in by a natural barricade…part of her was grateful for the fact that the One Power wasn’t so close, so accessible to her…

 

Nyanna closed her eyes and breathed deeply, as in her classes acutely aware that what Ay’Lira was asking of her was so completely against her attitude towards saidar. Imagining a world with only herself in it wasn’t hard, she’d lived in that solitude long enough to be used to it. She didn’t yearn for it like the others, to embrace it. What if she harmed Ay’Lira? Like she had k-…no… Quivering, Nyanna distracted herself by picturing her world more closely…the pretty white flower she had seen often growing on mossy treetrunks in the Mountains of Mist, bright white light gleaming among lichen like a beacon of hope…

 

Nothing.

 

She tried again, hesitantly reaching out, searching in herself for the glowing feeling that had been described to her, looking for the power that wasn’t there…the block - Oh Light, wasn’t it also dangerous if it burst out at a time no one could foresee?? Panicking, Nyanna’s eyes snapped open and she blurted out her fears “I cannot! I don’t WANT saidar, only hurt will come from it, please don’t make me use it…”

 

Nyanna stopped short as she realised what she was saying and how the Ay’Lira must be shocked by her words. Her life was aspiring to become an Aes Sedai, learning to live with this power, desiring to draw on it. Nyanna clapped her mouth shut again and went on in a quieter voice “I’m sorry. Not to hurt you feelings or anything but…I only do not see it as a good thing. I just- just want to learn to control it, make sure it’s not there to break out and- is there not a way to contain it? Hold it back?”

 

She swallowed and realised how little sense what she was saying made. Desperately, she whispered, “There must be a way I don’t harm anyone with it.”

[Leala]

Ay'Lira watched as her pupil closed her eyes and tried to embrace Saidar. There was a long moment, then she saw a flash of emotion, something that looked like frustration, then fear, and Nyanna said something that Ay'Lira had never expected from a novice.

 

“I cannot! I don’t WANT saidar, only hurt will come from it, please don’t make me use it…”

 

The Andoran girl seemed to have realized what she said and tried to explain her words.

 

“I’m sorry. Not to hurt you feelings or anything but…I only do not see it as a good thing. I just- just want to learn to control it, make sure it’s not there to break out and- is there not a way to contain it? Hold it back?”

 

Then she said something that revealed what must have been part of her fear.

 

“There must be a way I don’t harm anyone with it.”

 

Again, Ay'Lira found herself wanting to know her student's story, but she kept her questions back. Nyanna's problems were her own. She would tell if she was ready. She could remember not wanting to talk about the fall of her nation or the death of her father for a long time. Even a year after all of it when she had come to the Tower, she was hesitant to talk about it for fear of breaking down. So, she respected Nyanna's privacy and hoped that she would reveal what she needed to know in good time.

 

"Nyanna, Saidar can do wonderful things. When the group that came with Terinne Sedai stopped by in Shienar, I saw them Heal. And it's amazing, you couldn't see scars on old wounds any more, people regained movement, they regained their life. When you embrace Saidar, you can keep in good check how much to hold onto. But first we must surrender to it to be able to serve all." She paused, realizing she had glazed over the more important part of Nyanna's fears. "But for containing it, that's more dangerous than you think. If you hold it back and consume too much of it, you could hurt yourself or..." She stopped herself before she could finish that thought. Nyanna already seemed too fearful of hurting others. "To be able to control it, we have to surrender to it."

 

Ay'Lira knew she was repeating herself, but she hadn't run across this quite yet...

[Nyanna al'Meara]

Wrestling with herself, Nyanna mulled over Ay’Lira’s words. It made sense, in a way. It would be wonderful to help someone, heal someone who was awfully injured… She still felt terrified over what might happen if she wielded saidar, but the One Power didn’t seem evil any longer. It had been only her fault…drawing on the power yet not knowing how to use it…

 

Nyanna pulled on a few blades of grass and looked up at the Accepted. “So…we need to break this block lest it release the One Power and cause horrible things to happen?” She squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath to calm herself before she went on, voice shaking a little. “And…and I will be able to control it, if I become Aes Sedai one day? Help people?” They’d told her this in classes, but she hadn’t believed them, hadn’t thought about the good that could be done from coping with the power, til now. What if I could have saved my parents with the power?

Some of her doubt turned to hope, and full of questions she went on, “All right... but how do we break the block? Don’t we need to know what causes it first?”

 

Suddenly afraid, Nyanna looked away. Would she have to tell Ay’Lira about her dreadful secret now? …Sooner or later the Aes Sedai would find out about it the way things were going, but she dreaded what would happen if they did – would they throw her out and leave her to the risk of hurting people she passed, or lock her up somewhere!?

 

Maybe Ay’Lira asked her, then she’s have to reveal everything – but by herself, there was no way she would tell anyone what her sparking had done. Even thinking about it hurt. She would have given anything to go back and change it…but not even that was possible.

 

Nyanna resolved to keep her mouth shut for now. She threw up a mental wall to try and jam out the grief flooding into her and focused, unseeingly, on her fingertips and the tiny dandelion, waiting what the Accepted said about her block. There was time to weep later.

[Leala]

Ay'Lira watched as Nyanna struggled with the question of her block. But she could tell that she was holding something back. Likely, she knew the cause of her block. She'd have to pry it out of her, it seemed. She certainly didn't want to make her reveal something she didn't want to, but she had no other choice. They had to get to the root of the problem before it got out of control. Sometimes she wondered if some Aes Sedai had made a mistake. She hadn't seen her channel once. Not even the glow of Saidar had been around the novice in her view. But she could feel her ability as sure as she could feel it in every other woman in white, stripes, and shawl. She steeled herself and told herself that what she was doing was difficult, but no more difficult than having to explain her father's death too her little brother. She hoped.

 

"Well, your case is different frommost blocks, I think. I know you have channeled before. I can feel the ability in you. But from what your other teachers have said, and from what I've seen, you haven't been able to channel since, not even in special circumstances," she explained as she dropped the weaves that made the ward and let go of Saidar. Ay'Lira allowed herself a moment to get used to the now dulled world. "I thought perhaps that it was your being uncomfortable in class that was causing the block, but I don't think that's it."

 

The next small pause she allowed seemed to stretch on for an hour even thought it was perhaps a second or two. She was about to do something that she wouldn't have wanted done to her. She always treated others as she wanted to be treated. Yet here, she was about to ask a very personal question that she knew did not want to be answered. She hoped to the Light that Nyanna would understand.

 

"Nyanna, I want you to think back to the first time that you knew you channeled. What happened? Was there an emergency? Were you afraid? Did something happen around you that made you think Saidar was not to be trusted?"

[Nyanna al'Meara]

Nyanna held her breath and looked up worriedly as Ay’Lira spoke…

 

"Well, your case is different from most blocks, I think. I know you have channeled before. I can feel the ability in you. But from what your other teachers have said, and from what I've seen, you haven't been able to channel since, not even in special circumstances. I thought perhaps that it was your being uncomfortable in class that was causing the block, but I don't think that's it."

 

She curled her fingers rigidly around the flower in apprehension as the Accepted looked at her with searching eyes. Yes she’d channelled before, and that had ended in tragedy. No way did she want to cause a disaster like this to happen again – but that was precisely why she needed to learn to live with saidar now, learn what was causing the block and overcome it!

 

And yes, deep down, she knew exactly what her block was. Desperately, she tried to quell the feeling of panic that rose inside her, constricting her throat as the final mental walls crumbled an the horrible events flashed by her once more, and Ay’Lira’s questions rained down on her-

 

"Nyanna, I want you to think back to the first time that you knew you channeled. What happened? Was there an emergency? Were you afraid? Did something happen around you that made you think Saidar was not to be trusted?"

 

Unable to stop herself, Nyanna sobbed in anguish. Tears finally broke forth and went sheeting down her face. Completely forgetting herself, she leapt to her feet and screamed her grief at the Accepted,“I KILLED THEM! I made a landslide happen! I channelled and the rocks smashed down my mother and father!! I tried to help them but the boulders were falling, and then I couldn’t see them anymore and I tried digging but-”

 

In horror Nyanna choked on her tearful confession and stared at her hand. Something was moving and a glow came radiating from it. Unclenching her fist convulsively, she saw the dandelion she’d been crushing the whole time, rising from her palm, its leaves mending and straightening where they’d been bent… A moment passed, and then she jerked and flung it as far as she could away from her- it hung in the air, suspended.

 

Nyanna stood frozen in terror. She was channelling.

 

And didn’t know how to direct it.

 

No. Nononono. Not here. Not where there was someone else she might hurt. Nyanna wrenched her eyes from the dandelion stuck in the air, turned on her heel and fled. Somewhere she would be alone, safe from murdering someone else.

 

Feet flying, she ran in the direction before the thought even came to her – the Great Library. Past the study books, further and further into the shelves, back where the shelves were dusty and no one ever seemed to go. She tripped to a halt and turned wildly in all directions to check if there was indeed no one else around, in the danger of her vicinity. None, thank the Light… but what about behind that corne-

 

Nyanna collided with something soft, a living being, and despite her small frame sent the other person crashing to the floor with her, in a cloud of dust and ripped scrolls.

[Leala]

Ay'Lira tried to keep her Aes Sedai mask as Nyanna started to cry. But this was her student. She needed to be there for her and try to understand. Then she started talking, confessing to killing her mother and father accidentally with the Power. At least, that's what it sounded like. But that didn't sound right. If something as traumatic as that had happened, it would have been dealt with. Or an Aes Sedai would have told her. she opened her mouth to say something, and the glow of Saidar suddenly enveloped the novice, but she didn't seem to notice. She kept quiet, though, waiting to see what would happen. It wasn't a weave she had seen before. But then, Nyanna was a wilder. The novice caught a glimpse of the glow coming from her hand and released the flower she had been squeezing. She stared in horror as the petals righted themselves. She tried to throw it away, but she had it in a grip of a weave of Air. Horrified, the girl ran off.

 

Hesitating only half a moment, Ay'Lira sprinted off after her. Nyanna's fear was making her faster than Ay'Lira could run. But the Accepted could still run fast...despite not exercising as much as she'd like. She saw her charge running toward the Library and wove around the bustling novices and servants walking around. The novices seemed startled. Well, of course they would be. They had just seen another girl in a white dress like theirs run off scared, and now they were seeing a pursuing Accepted with a look of grim determination on her face. There was no way she could handle this with the grace of an Aes Sedai. She had only been Accepted a few weeks, and...what else were you supposed to do with someone who couldn't control her power?! Light, it was an impossible situation. If Nyanna was sent to Valeri, there wouldn't be much trouble. She was a novice after all. Ay'Lira should know better, according to the rules. She would just have to grin and bear it.

 

As Ay'Lira pursued into the Library, she nimbly dodged Browns and followed Nyanna with a little more difficulty. There was so much here. Through the shelves and the tables, she chased, and...couldn't help but let her jaw slack just a bit when she saw Nyanna crash into a woman in a white dress. But that wasn't a novice dress. She had run into a sister. Wonderful. Just flaming wonderful. Rushing in, she gently pried Nyanna from the White, trying to give her reassuring words, which was becoming more and more difficult.

 

Before Leala, the Aes Sedai now lying on the floor, righted herself, she gathered the scrolls that had fallen from her grasp. She calmly looked around and finally stood. "Child, not only is it for logic's sake that you look where you're going..." she began to say to Nyanna. "It's also for one's safety as well as that of others." Ay'Lira waited for the inevitable. She was sure Nyanna was scared, too. Well, about this as well as the other. The White scanned the both of them with calm silver eyes, and nodded. "I see why they have paired you two. The survivor of the fall of Malkier would tutor the novice whose parents were tragically killed by Darkfriends. You two should be able to relate to each other well, I would assume."

 

Ay'Lira stood stock still for a moment. "They were killed by Darkfriends, Aes Sedai?"

 

Leala nodded, channeling for a moment as the floating dust sank from the air again. The glow winked from her before she went on. "Yes, child. I have lands in Andor. You called this child Nyanna. I assume she is Nyanna al'Dynn as there was a novice of that name after the attack, and she also looks like a family of that name on my lands. And there was a married couple of that name and look murdered by Darkfriends." She said all of this very matter-of-factly with no anger or sadness, no petulance. It just was. "Now. I will not report either of you if you promise not to run about Tower grounds as though you were trying to win a race," she said to Nyanna, locking eyes with her.

[Nyanna al'Meara]

Nyanna regained her senses as she was lifted away from whatever she’d run into. She focused her eyes and gaped in dismay seeing it was another person – and what’s more, a full Aes Sedai. Then what had come before came back to mind, and Nyanna froze, undecided what to do – Ay’Lira had caught up and was trying to reassure her with calm words. She didn’t register them. The feeling of saidar coursing through her was wholly gone again, probably banished by the unexpected crash.

 

Too overwhelmed by what had happened, Nyanna limply hung there supported by the Accepted, slumped in no little relief – and weighed down by what she’d done. Well, it was out now and no doubt the Aes Sedai would know of it…then they would lock her up, or throw her out again to the isolation where she wouldn’t hurt anyone. It was for the best anyway…She raised her head and looked at the Aes Sedai who was studying them both with serene grey eyes.

 

In no way was Nyanna prepared for what came next.

 

"...The survivor of the fall of Malkier would tutor the novice whose parents were tragically killed by Darkfriends."

 

Nyanna breath hitched. What? Her head jerked up, wide-eyed, as Ay’Lira echoed the Aes Sedai

 

"They were killed by Darkfriends, Aes Sedai?"

 

Scarcely believing her ears, she put two and two together as the Aes Sedai continued to explain. With a hiss, a gasp expelled all air from Nyanna’s lungs, and she almost collapsed against the Accepted before catching herself. Everything she knew…had believed…wasn’t true. Everything she’d agonized about, all this time, hadn’t been her fault. She hadn’t slain her parents.

 

Nyanna didn’t know how to react, she felt buoyant with relief at the vanish of guilt, and a rising rage at those who would murder her mother and father. But in spite of herself, a slow grin spread across her face as a clear tear trickled down her face. It was to be the last for a long time.

[Leala]

Ay'Lira looked at Nyanna when she said nothing to the Aes Sedai. She was obviously blown away from the new information. Maybe knowing she hadn't killed her parents...maybe that would help with her blocked. She hoped to the Light it did. "I'll make sure she doesn't, Aes Sedai," the Accepted said in a serious voice. Leala nodded and left the pair, satisfied with Ay'Lira's promise. After the Aes Sedai left, she stood there with her student for a while. Nyanna had a small smile on her face, but she was crying. The guilt must have been building up for so long. She couldn't imagine having to deal with all that guilt. Despite the novice's obvious conflicting emotions, she seemed calmer, now. Ay'Lira probably would be calmer after something like that, too.

 

Smiling, she gently led Nyanna from the Library. She said nothing about the lesson, just wanting to get her out of the place where she had made such a scene. Some of the Browns lifted their noses in the air when they saw Nyanna's tears. Troublesome novices should be dealt with quickly. Likely they thought she was escorting her to the Mistress of Novices. Well, likely they would think an Accepted who had run like she had would deserve discipline, too, but what else was she to do? The girl had already held the Power, how was anyone supposed to shield her? Grabbing her with weaves of Air would have made the situation worse... She put the thoughts from her mind. Neither of them had been told to see Valeri, and that was the important bit.

 

Walking calmly, she led the novice to the gardens again and stopped at a different secluded spot. "Now. I know that was difficult to take in and think about," she said, calmly, giving Nyanna a smile. "But are you ready to try again? Sometimes, keeping things like that bottled up and thinking you were guilty of that for so long could be what is making the block. Maybe it's broken now."

[Nyanna al'Meara]

As the Aes Sedai nodded and turned away, Nyanna half-raised her hand but lowered it, mouth not uttering the words she wanted to ask...the details she wanted to hear, and yet not listen to the story yet.
One thing was overwhelming enough - she had not killed her parents. Aes Sedai did not lie. It hadn't been her. Oh how much lighter she felt, even though she couldn't really grasp it fully yet.

Escorted out by Ay'Lira, Nyanna let her tears display her mixed emotions for only a little while longer before she made them dry, as they arrived back amongst the busy Tower corridors.

They walked in friendly silence back to the gardens, and Nyanna slowly returned to the present. They settled at another quiet spot amongst some oak trees, and Ay'Lira addressed her again with a calm smile.

"Now. I know that was difficult to take in and think about. But are you ready to try again? Sometimes, keeping things like that bottled up and thinking you were guilty of that for so long could be what is making the block. Maybe it's broken now."

Nyanna returned her small smile this time. The pain was still there - and a new, keen rage at those who had murdered her parents - but right now, she felt bouyant too. And ready to brave saidar again. And learn. That was, if the block was gone now, something she'd have to find out. Quietly, she nodded and said "True, I don't feel the guilt any longer...nor the anger at myself, or grief at a deed that is not my fault anymore..."

Nyanna murmured to a stop. Hesitantly, she pictured the flower again, and reached through it... something was different. She could feel something, feel the tantalising sweetness that-

Wide-eyed, Nyanna looked up at Ay'Lira. She could see the stitches where her banded dress became different colours, count every separate eyelash on the other woman. The air was much crisper, clearer, searingly pure... she took a crystalline breath, and gasped.

"I'm....I've DONE IT!!!!!" she whispered. What now?? Nyanna felt she was holding it, drawing it in but also checking herself. She'd learnt that much in classes that she knew not to keep pulling on it, despite the desire of flooding herself with its magic. She was holding saidar, and in control of it, nothing was going to happen. She grinned proudly up at her tutor, eyes shining.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Nyanna al'Meara

[Leala]

Ay'Lira watched intently as Nyanna attempted to embrace Saidar again.  All that grief and guilt for all those years, she could barely imagine it.  True, Ay'Lira felt guilty at some point for having survived the fall of Malkier where her father hadn't, and so many of the people she loved hadn't.  But it couldn't be anything compared to thinking she had killed her own parents.  And now Nyanna was free of the guilt.  She was free now to mourn without hating herself.  She was free to move on and deal with all those negative emotions she felt.

 

And as the glow of Saidar surrounded her pupil, Ay'Lira felt like everything would be just fine.  "I'm...I've DONE IT!!"  She saw the glow of Saidar around her grow, almost too much, but Nyanna took control of it easily and found a safe amount again.  She looked up at Ay'Lira, waiting for further instructions.  "Good, you remembered your lessons about pushing and pulling, too!" she said, her smile still plasterd all over her face.  She knew she hadn't been directly responsible for her achievement, but she still felt proud anyway.  "I'm so proud of you!  Now, let's go tell the Mistress of Novices, so she knows to put you in regular classes."  She turned to take her to Valeri's office, probably the first time she would have visitors in her office for a good reason, then stopped.  "Ah, but first, you might want to release Saidar," she said with a wink.

[Nyanna al'Meara]

Awed, Nyanna savoured the power again, then let go of it in a sudden, jerky inner movement of her awareness. She also felt excitement about holding it, being able to hold it, for it was for the first time...that it was joy to channel. And an amazing experience. Ay’Lira was beaming at her, and there was an incredulous grin on her own face, Nyanna was sure. It was a lot to take in, everything felt jumbled inside as the remnants of letting go of the grief were washed over with a wave of wonderment. She followed wordlessly therefore, as Ay’Lira proposed telling the Mistress of Novices all about it – but wait!

 

A sudden thought popped into Nyanna’s else wise muddled mind, and she begged Ay’Lira to wait for a moment. Whirling around, Nyanna tore back through the flowerbeds and bushes, trying to keep to the paths, until she arrived at the patch of lawn they had first tried with the block…where was it…. She fell to her knees and combed her fingers through the grass hopefully- there! Carefully scooping up her prize, Nyanna scrambled up and hurried back to the Accepted, hand curled tight.

Nyanna followed Leala along the corridors to the Mistress of Novices' office, not at all too upset to not be holding saidar any longer, because suddenly, unbelievably, it was there. Always. It did beckon her again, there was a deep longing to grasp it again, but.. not now. Ay’Lira  knocked on the heavy oaken door and as soon as the answer came they burst in, the exhilaration palpable as Valeri Sedai only raised a questioning eyebrow at the Accepted and slightly out of breath Novice.

 

Rather rudely, not waiting for Ay’Lira to introduce their coming here, Nyanna sucked in a breath and looked wide eyed at the Aes Sedai, then spoke “My block is gone! Leala helped me see it and then I ran into Ay’Lira – not, other way around. And I did NOT kill my parents, and I can channel!” Nyanna ended on rather a high note, and muffled her agitated squeak at the same moment as all her blood rushed to her head. She realised that nothing she had just uttered would make any sense to the Aes Sedai, and that she had probably gone against all sort of protocol behaving this way. There was a short, silent pause, and Nyanna winced. Almost like an added afterthought, she dipped a deep curtsey, or what might pass as one, and straightened, glancing apolegetically up at Ay’Lira for help.

 

She still wore a small, but radiant, relieved smile. Looking down at what was cradled safely in one hand, Nyanna held a tiny, whole yellow flower.