Memories of a Mother: A Choice Thread.

[Grimmlocke]

Nanna sat in her room in the Novice quarters, idly running a brush through the yellow locks of one of the other Novices. The girl was one of a handful of children for whom Nanna had become a sort of surrogate mother. This particular one was one of the younger girls, a young woman from Andor named Elzibet. She had the most beautiful blond hair, and the poor girl rarely took care of it the way it needed to be, so Nanna had taken it upon herself to make sure the girl was looked after properly. Well, that and it reminded her of an earlier time, when her daughters had still been young enough to need their mother's help getting ready for the day.

 

It was surprising, even to her, how much time Nanna spent in her own memories. As she tilted the girl's head to the side and resumed brushing, Nanna thought back to the day she had sent her own girls off to the White Tower.

 

Miri had been ready to go as soon as she had been told she could learn to Channel. The girl had gone to pack her bags as soon as the rest of her chores were done. The Aes Sedai had told her to pack light, so she had only taken a few of her favorite hair clips and a small ring made out of string. Nanna had had to help the 15 year old girl choose a new traveling dress for the trip. They had settled on a sensible dark blue dress and a nice, wide-brimmed hat to keep the sun from her eyes.

 

Moura, on the other hand, had always been hesitant about traveling to the White Tower. She only went because Miri promised to watch out for her when they got there. Moura was her Father's daughter. Nanna had always wondered if Moura would have even gone to the Tower if it hadn't been for that fool man's silly stories about Aes Sedai Queens and Princesses. The child had wanted to bring almost every dress she had. It had taken Nanna and Miri hours to convince her to pack light, telling her that she wouldn't be allowed to keep much of her belongings anyway. Then they had gone shopping for her new dress, which Moura somehow managed to turn into another over-complicated production. She had set her eyes on a pure-white dress and had promptly declared that that was the one she wanted to wear to the Tower, so she wouldn't have to be given a new Novice Dress. Thankfully, it hadn't taken nearly as long to convince the girl to change her mind. She wasn't stupid after all. It had only taken a mention of the dust and wear of travel, and Moura had realized that the dress wouldn't look nearly as nice when they got to Tar Valon.

 

Sam had been so proud that both of his girl children had been taken by the Aes Sedai. It was easy for him to be proud. He had still had all his sons. It had been harder for Nanna, with only the undercooks for company. Fool man was probably running the inn into the ground by now. Hopefully one of her boys had gotten her message and come home to help keep the old, drunk, Light-blinded, bloody fool of a man from drowning himself in the cups.

 

Nanna parted Elzibet's hair and began to braid the loose hair on the right side, humming softly to herself as she worked. She tied a ribbon around the end as soon as the braid was complete, and she began to work on the other side. When she was done with that side she pulled the ribbon away from the other braid and pulled them both up behind the girl's head, where she clipped them in place with the hair clip that Elzibet had brought to her to use. She patted the girl on the back of the head.

 

“Off with you, girl. I'm sure there are Aes Sedai and Accepted with plenty of work for you to do.”

 

Her normally rough voice was rougher for some reason. Elzibet noticed the difference as well and turned around. Her eyes widened as she looked up at Nanna's face. “Is something wrong, Nanna?” She produced a handkerchief from somewhere and handed it to her.

 

“What's this for?” Nanna raised a hand to her face, only to feel wetness running down her cheeks. She grunted in surprise. She hadn't even noticed the tears start, let alone realized she was crying. “Oh, these. No, I'll be fine, girl. Get to class now, wouldn't want to be late.” Nanna said, rising and shooing the girl away and out of the room.

 

When she had finally chased the girl away, Nanna walked back to her seat and sat down, suddenly feeling very tired. Her memories had obviously started her crying, and now that she had started she didn't much feel like stopping. The memories of Sam hurt the worst, as she was the one person she knew she had wronged the most in coming to the Tower.

 

“Oh, Sam.” She breathed, fearing that to say it any louder would reduce her to sobbing. “I'm sorry, Dear Heart. You may just be a stupid, fool man, you're my stupid, fool man, and I love you.” Even though he couldn't hear her from across the country, it still made her feel better to say the words. Maybe when this was all done, when she was a full Sister, she would be able to go home and tell him in person.

 

With a deep, shuddering sigh, Nanna finally used the handkerchief to dab at her eyes, a curiously gentle motion for the large, boisterous woman. Wouldn't do to have one of the other girls to walk in and see Nanna, the tough old Novice crying. The last thing she wanted was a room full of girls all sobbing their eyes out and laying their heads on her lap.

 

With a soft “Harrumph!”, Nanna took hold of herself and stood, rubbing her aching chest. They didn't call it heartache without reason, after all. She folded up the handkerchief and made a mental note to find Elzibet so she could return it after she washed it.