In need of a Pep Talk, atn. Rasheta

[Visar Falmaien]

(ooc: take your time to reply hun I know you're busy; hope you like it!)

 

Visar came into Rasheta's quarters early that day, feeling exhausted and discouraged. He had pushed himself today, but still felt in the same plateau in training at the sword. It had been some time since he had failed Rasheta and Dante in Arad Doman, and also some time since he had seriously contemplated running away. But he still did not feel completely happy. Something was still missing in his life, he knew, something that his bond with Rasheta didn't seem to satisfy.

 

He slowed as he entered her quarters. He could feel through the bond that she was nearby, but not in her quarters as he had expected. Perhaps she was talking with another Green Sister down the hall. Or perhaps Dante was with her having fun. She seemed to be in a pleasant enough mood now, and that was good. However depressed Visar could get these days, it still somehow brought a smile to his face to know that Rasheta was happy sometimes. He decided he'd wait for her to get back, whenever that was.

 

He stared at the wall, at the sword there. He knew this had been one of the swords of her old warder, Adrien, who had died years ago. Whenever Rasheta would tell a story about Adrien, Visar felt a sort of awe and wonder at what he knew of the man. A valiant warrior, probably better than he would ever be to hear the stories. Yet the man always knew how to laugh and have a good time. Even though he was dead now, Visar could not help but be envious. What was it that kept Adrien happy all the time, even when far worse things happened during his time with Rasheta than had happened to Visar so far. What was his secret?

 

Visar sat down and stared at the sword for an unmeasured amount of time, wishing that he could be someone else. Someone who was confident and joyful, and loved without fear of loss. Someone like Adrien. His mind drifted, his feelings melancholic but strangely peaceful. There had been no threat against Rasheta's life for some time, now, and Visar could almost relax in his vigilance. Almost. He was a Warder, and even in times of peace and quiet they had to keep their guard up. He knew the world outside of the Tower was a much more turbulent place, and one day they would go out into it again.

 

Looking at the sword, Visar wondered why it didn't have a heron-mark on it. Wasn't Adrien a blademaster? He didn't remember Rasheta ever saying. Or perhaps the other sword had the heron mark; he remembered that Adrien used two in the Arafellin style. But where the other one had gone, he didn't know. Maybe the other one was in the Vault, but Visar had never dared to go in, and he did not wish to ask Rasheta about it. That was a level of Ajah privacy that he would not intrude on willingly. Rasheta had given the sword on the wall to him once (ooc: I think?...memory is foggy), but it was not Visar's weapon and he never felt all too comfortable using it himself. So here it was, back on the wall. It was a shorter weapon than the one Visar preferred to use, yet somehow just knowing it was Adrien's made Visar feel like he had a very long shadow to fill. Surely the other weapon had the heron-mark. Like his own sword did not yet, even though by now he had fought with and studied for years with some of the best.

 

He heard her footsteps before he turned his head, and Visar stood, startled knocking over the chair by accident. He had been so engrossed in staring at the wall that he had not felt Rasheta Sedai come closer. Biting his lip in embarrassment, Visar gently set the chair back up, thankful that it wasn't broken. He had already broken a fair number of Rasheta's chairs, and he didn't want to make a habit of it.

 

"Good evening, Rasheta," he said with a slight smile. "I'm sorry I was just... just lost in thought I guess. They don't keep me busy enough down in the yards these days. How has your day been? Would you like me to fix you something?"

[Rasheta Ardashir]

Rasheta had been returning to her rooms after teaching a Novice class. Normally she didn't teach classes, but the sister who had been doing it had been called away for some reason. So Rasheta was the stand in, it wasn't too challenging to teach Novices how to do the excerses that would eventually ensure they could hold the power on there own. It was just tedious and Rasheta hated tedious work. She was looking forward to relaxing in her rooms and just staying there and hopefully locking the door for awhile. She smiled briefly remembering the last time the door had been locked. Dante was good about not letting her leave. Sometimes she complained but that never lasted too long. She paused to check in with one of her sister greens before returning to her quarters.

 

"How goes the training of the newest Accepted?" She asked. The other sister shrugged. "it seems she's progressing." When woman was raised and chose the Green Ajah there were a series of tasks the girl had to go through. Rasheta smiled. "yes I am sure she is. I knew she was determined. She'll make it through." The other sister shook her head with a rueful look on her face before asking "Where are you going in a hurry?" Rasheta laughed and answered "I have a warder who needs to be taught a lesson." She paused and added "A long lesson." The other Aes Sedai shook her head again and went off laughing.

 

Rasheta went on to her rooms still smiling. She opened the door and stopped dead. Visar was sitting on the other side of the room from her holding Adrien's remaining sword. She remembered giving it to him back when they first bonded but he had never seemed to want to use it. She shut the door behind her and walked into the room her footsteps seemed to penetrate the fog of thought Visar was in and he stood up quickly knocking over the chair he had been sitting on. He spoke quickly and a little nervously. Even after they had been to Arad Doman and back and even after she had saved his life in the Blight he was still nervous around her. She hadn't paid him as much attention as she should have she knew, Dante had swallowed up most of her time.

 

"Good evening, Rasheta," he said with a slight smile. "I'm sorry I was just... just lost in thought I guess. They don't keep me busy enough down in the yards these days. How has your day been? Would you like me to fix you something?"

 

Rasheta shook her head. "I require nothing right now." She sat down and simply looked at him for a moment. She should have paid him more attention he had been depressed on there trip to Arad Doman and now he was even more so. She should have seen it, she had asked Dante to take care of it last time and now, well she would find a way. She took a deep breath and said "The sword you hold, I gave to you sometime ago. It was my long dead Warders. I think he would have been happy to know another used it in defense of my life. Yet you only stare at it." She asked in her kindest voice. "What is wrong Visar? Tell me so I can help you if I can."

[Visar Falmaien]

(ooc: ack, I wonder why I put this in East and not the White Tower...weird)

 

Visar knew he probably had some strange sort of pained expression, but didn't know what to do about it. There was no point in hiding the fact that he was not happy, but how could he explain it? How, when he barely understood it himself? Here he was, a Warder, protector of an amazing Aes Sedai who genuinely cared about him more than just a bodyguard, accepted him as if he were her family! This was the life he dreamed of, wasn't it? Why did it seem so often to him to be hollow somehow?

 

"The sword you hold, I gave to you sometime ago. It was my long dead Warders. I think he would have been happy to know another used it in defense of my life. Yet you only stare at it."

 

Visar bit his lip, not really knowing what to say, and set the sword down, not wanting to have anything to do with violence in his hand right now. She had given it to him, and it was just a sword. But it wasn't a sword he had earned, he felt. It was not a sword he deserved, and whether it suited him or not he felt unworthy to use it.

 

"What is wrong Visar? Tell me so I can help you if I can."

 

Visar stared at the wall, glanced back at Rasheta, and stared at the wall again for a while, feeling like an idiot. Stalling for ideas and changing the topic, he decided to ask a normally forbidden question regarding Adrien.

 

"I was wondering... Did your old warder Adrien ever become a blademaster? I know he had another sword somewhere but I've never seen it; I always thought the heron-mark would have been on that one."

[Rasheta Ardashir]

"I was wondering... Did your old warder Adrien ever become a blademaster? I know he had another sword somewhere but I've never seen it; I always thought the heron-mark would have been on that one."

 

Rasheta jerked as though someone had smacked her. She hadn't expected Visar to actually ask her about Adrian. Although she found she could speak of him easier these days then previously. She took a deep breath and answered, "No he wasn't a blademaster. He always said it wasn't worth it to him to train that hard." She shook her head. "He was forever teasing me about anything he could. He used two swords in the Arafellin style. He said he could have become a blade master with one but not both. Since he preferred to use both he didn't." She paused and shook her head. "I'm rambling, it isn't something I do a lot. I"m sorry no he wasn't a Blademaster." She tilted her head and eyed Visar for a moment then she said.

 

"Are you wanting to become a Blademaster? If so you should try to do it. Adrian would probably be thrileed to know one of his blades was being used by a master." She paused smiling "Although he would probably say he was a master himself without the test." She laughed. Visar still didn't speak and only stared at the sword he had rather quickly put down. Rasheta sighed maybe the blademaster test wasn't the problem maybe it was something else. She stood up and walked toward him.

 

She picked up the weapon Visar discarded, she wrapped her hand around the hilt and laid the blade over her other hand staring at it and seeing Adrian use it in her minds eye. She smiled.

 

"Adrian was generally smiling but he did give his life for me." She looked up at Visar and said softly. "Visar does your bond to me chafe? Is there someone else you would rather be with. I know I have not given you the attention I should have." She almost never did this, well besides to Adrian he had always been able to get her to apologize but she continued. "I"m sorry Visar, if you wish to leave you can tell me."

[Visar Falmaien]

Visar listened to Rasheta talk about Adrien with great interest. So he had not been a blademaster? Somehow that made the shadow of the man's sword seem just a little less epic. Adrien had been a mere human being not a ta'veren or Hero of the Age or anything. It was pointless for Visar to try to follow in his footsteps. Yet the thought of becoming the first of Rasheta's warders, alive or dead, to earn the heron mark appealed to him.

 

How strange, that while Visar had never met Adrien, something about him seemed familiar. It was the gleam in Rasheta's eyes when she talked about him holding the man's sword, full of sorrow at his loss, yes, but full of unfiltered joy of life. Visar had felt that way about things once. Starting over at the White Tower had been the making of a new man.

 

Maybe there's hope for me yet. I remember those days. I thought the Creator had almost given me a new life, a new purpose. Maybe I have forgotten about that purpose, determined to be miserable because I could never have the time to love someone else with the bond.

"Visar does your bond to me chafe? Is there someone else you would rather be with. I know I have not given you the attention I should have."

 

Visar shook his head quickly to deny it, yet the thought was there, itching in the back of his head. Maybe the bond really wasn't working out. True, there wasn't really someone else he wished to go back to, but the desire for such a person existed, an empty hole in his heart. But he could not just ask to be released from their bond! He had a duty to protect her and be there for her. He had sworn an oath to her and to the Tower, and he could not possibly abandon that now! Yet the problem remained, and he still needed to figure out what was wrong and how he would fix it, if it was indeed something that could be fixed.

 

"I"m sorry Visar, if you wish to leave you can tell me."

 

"No, I will not ask to leave. At least not leave the bond. I... I need time to think about that, I think. Then I will tell you for certain."

He sighed, wishing he could have given a clear answer. That would have to do for now, though, as he was just not sure. He took the sword again from Rasheta's hands.

 

"You gave me this sword, and although I may not use it much, I will honor that gift and keep it with me. To be reminded of such a good man, and inspired by his example. I was a fool to try not to accept it and hang it on a wall. I ask your forgiveness." He bowed then, suddenly formal, which he knew she didn't like much but he did it anyway. A new light of determination was in his eyes though. He had so much to prove now, he felt. He would become a blademaster and surely that would start to change things.

 

"And I ask for your patience as well. I will train harder, and seek the heron mark as soon as I can find a gathering of men to serve as a Council. I will become worthy, in my own way, of this gift."

[Rasheta Ardashir]

"You gave me this sword, and although I may not use it much, I will honor that gift and keep it with me. To be reminded of such a good man, and inspired by his example. I was a fool to try not to accept it and hang it on a wall. I ask your forgiveness."

 

Visar bowed after his speech. Rasheta inwardly sighed and rolled her eyes, she really didn't like formality and avoided it at all costs. She wasn't sure where that particular quark came from but it was just one of her funny ways. Rasheta wondered why Visar was so curious about Adrain all of a sudden, he had never shown interest before they had taken the various trips out of the tower. Maybe he was more interested because he had seen what a Warders life could be like. While traveling wasn't particularly harsh, when they weren't in battle, Visar had always seemed the more serious one who was always on the lookout for trouble. At least he had been recently, Rasheta had told Dante he could relax Visar was taking care of it. Dante hadn't been amused by that statement but it had been true, at least on the most recent trip. She opened her mouth to speak and Visar continued on.

 

"And I ask for your patience as well. I will train harder, and seek the heron mark as soon as I can find a gathering of men to serve as a Council. I will become worthy, in my own way, of this gift."

 

He seemed to be done speaking now and waiting for something from her so she went and sat back down. "Thank you Visar for your service." She knew a way to pass the bond on to another but she wouldn't do it willingly. She'd have to find a way to keep the man happy and at her side. She didn't tell him all this she did add. "An Aes Sedai's life or death could depend on her warders. It is good you are improving yourself." She smiled after that and then asked

 

"Shouldn't you be out training now if you wish to better yourself. I'm sure Dante or one of the other warders will be happy to train you."