"I have been doing some hard thinking on the matter and have come to the conclusion that you are not a bitch."

"That makes one of us."

- Jordan Cavanaugh & Eric Brazil, Crossing Jordan "Wild Card"

Neither a single tapestry nor ornament had been moved in the last month.  The tiles remained the same brilliant shades of blue, brown, red, yellow, white, green, and grey, polished by the hands of the same miscreant Novices and Accepted – if the Tower was lucky, maybe one girl might have been entered into the Book of Novices, luckier still if an Accepted had been raised during Estel’s brief absence.  A new Amyrlin presided over the Hall but considering the year’s events, and the fall of four previous Amyrlins in so short a time, Tar Valon was getting rather bored with celebrating the rising of each new woman to take the Stole.  A month did not change the White Tower.

Had a month changed Estel?

Light, she hoped so.  Century-old habits were difficult to break at all let alone in thirty days, give or take.  Mind you, it had only taken two weeks to crush Estel’s belief that male channellers deserved the most out of their short lives; if a man with a black coat were to stand in front of her today, the Blue would not hesitate to kill him.  A month’s time had certainly not reformed her but did she at least have hold of that first rung on the ladder, finally poised to claw her way out of the pit she’d dug for herself?  Two days had passed since her return, fights had been picked, authority disrespected, and only Maegan’s timely arrival had stopped her leap into another bottle of brandy – the only vice missing was a temper tantrum.  At least it was something, not exactly a magnificent start but a start nonetheless.

Estel wandered the corners of her mind, physically making her way towards the dining hall.  She wasn’t hungry but if Elyssa or Maegan noticed her skipping meals they would probably start sending Novices to her room with food... again.  Her time in the Academy would mean nothing if she couldn’t at least take care of basic needs on her own.

A painfully familiar red-haired woman shook her out of rumination.  Light, she’d caught a glimpse of Lavinya when the Black Tower had released the Bonds but otherwise the woman had stayed away from the White Tower.  Few knew why, Estel did.  If not for their rivalry, some fifty years strong, she might have had some pity for the woman.  Better than anyone in the Tower, the Blue should have been able to empathise.  She’d gotten a taste of Linten’s prejudice against Aes Sedai but certainly not to the extent rumours claimed Lavinya had suffered at his hands.  This was only compiled by an affair having nothing to do with the Black Tower’s psycho; the Grey’s belly was still distended from the pregnancy.  Estel knew exactly what it was like trying to hide the unintended consequence of an “indiscretion”.  Knew how much it hurt to leave the child behind for the “greater good of the White Tower”.  Was it too much to ask, giving a simple warning like Sirayn had done – only with fewer strings attached.

Yes.

Pity was squashed by the half-century feud, empathy impossible.  So many new insults jumped to mind, even a few remarks about who was standing at which end of the proverbial table.  Temptation: too fall back into old habits, no matter how much they had hurt her in the past.  Maegan yelled, Sirayn mocked.  This was her conscience.

Estel bit her tongue and for once said nothing.

Returning Character Quiz - Complete

Resubmit Bio with Updated Character History - Complete

Estel bloody Liones

Character Development RP: Bridging the Gap - Complete

Leashed

Addison was sure her giggle sounded demonic, though truthfully it sounded like what it was: the giggle of a sixteen year-old girl with one too many boy issues.  “I once took my...”  What was she supposed to call Jake?  Her friend?  He was more than that.  Her beau?  They’d never actually been involved.  Whatever, it didn’t matter – or wasn’t supposed to.  “Well, there was this guy I knew, worked on my dad’s farm.  Anyways, he slept up in the hayloft of the barn so this one time I took the ladder, trapping him up there.  Only way down was to jump into the hay in the horse’s stall, I may have shovelled all the dung right into a pile for him to jump into.”  Addi thought about how she might use that here. No good.

“I’ve got nothing.  We can definitely start with nettles, should be easy considering Sandre, at least, is my roommate.  We need something really embarrassing though...  Any more ideas?”

ooc: sorry this took so long, couldn't seem to figure anything out for the life of me

hey Claire, how old's Gianna mainplotline?

According to many in the Tower, Nasty was a nickname to be taken literally – particularly if one was still in whites.  Natascia had embraced this long ago and simply found it amusing; those who knew not to take the nickname too seriously were those familiar with her sense of humour.  Novices and Accepted never understood this.  She took teaching seriously, the ability to channel saidar was a burden few had the privilege and burden to bear.  It was not enough to educate the next generation to the same level as their elders.  The task of an Aes Sedai was to use their gift to improve the world: this meant teaching Novices and Accepted to be smarter, harder, better than the current Aes Sedai.  It was for their own good that Nasty was so hard on them.  The same rang true for the raising tests.  An Aes Sedai unable to perform her duties did neither herself nor the Tower any good.  The Tower must not fail or else the world would be lost should Tarmon Gaidon loom on the horizon – it could not afford weaknesses.

This rational excused any guilt she might have felt for everything she had inflicted upon the poor girl tested tonight.  The girl, Nastascia thought her name might have been Gianna, had passed and would be stronger because of her hard hand.  Sleep came easily.

...until it was interrupted by a knock at the door.  She may not be the cold-hearted woman some thought her to be, but Nasty did not, in the slightest, appreciate being awoken.

Throwing a robe over her shift, she opened the door to find a rather nervous looking Novice.  The Blue Sitter scowled harder, wondering if she could make the girl cry – yes, this was in fact her sense of humour and yes, it just got worse when she was tired.  Apparently some Charise person required her presence in the kitchens.  This Charise had better be prepared to die via asphyxiation, waking her up in the middle of the night for Light knows what reason...

“I’m not inclined to forgive anyone who wakes me up at this hour of the night, Child.  Now get back to bed, before I decide your nocturnal tendencies should be put to work mucking out stalls.”

The passing of an hour found Nastascia on the warpath.  Charise did not, in fact, have any need of her presence and was only too happy to get rid of the snarling Blue Sister.  Obviously that idiot Accepted thought it amusing to attract the ire of Aes Sedai; Nasty would show her the meaning of... well, nasty!  In the morning, though, Light she was exhausted.  A brief once-over of the room showed the child hadn’t done anything stupider than disrupt her sleep.  She collapsed on the bed.

Something tickled her foot.  Assuming it was just a fly or maybe even a mosquito, she kicked it away.  Now it was crawling around her arm, she brushed it away again.  Persistent little bugger then went for her face.  Irritated, Nasty rolled over.

SQUEEEEEAAAAAAAAAK!

Nastascia Romanovni had faced many terrible things in her life: her Arches, the one hundred weaves, even a horde of Shadowspan or two.  Nonetheless, Nastascia Romanovni did not like mice – or any other rodent with that disgusting serpentine tail.  Her very “un-Aes Sedai-like” screech probably woke most of the Blue Ajah.

Warpath no longer described her.  Other Blue Sisters, around from their beauty sleep, poked their heads out into the hallway and watched amused as Nasty stalked through the Blue Quarters towards the Accepted galleries.  Someone was about to pay!

She didn’t bother to knock, simply bursting through the door so quickly it crashed into the wall and woke the room’s sleeping occupant.  “Mucking out stalls it is, child.  Up.  Now.”

*sprays Claire with blue bubbly*

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!

"Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us... what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time."

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy “Time After Time”

Everything was ready.

Bags were stuffed with dresses, books, and the few other possessions she had accumulated at the Academy.  An acolyte had come to replace the sheets on the bed and everything that had made the rooms “hers” for the last month was gone.  She had thrown herself into her practice sessions in the gardens with a fervour not seen since the days she’d spent learning saidar as an initiate.  Looking in the mirror, there was finally some meat on her bones again, no longer had trouble keeping her meals down; she was in the best shape since Kandor.  Physically, everything was ready.

Estel was not.

She sat at the desk that was no longer hers, hair neatly brushed and dress immaculate in preparation for her return to the White Tower.  Still as a statue she stared, steeling herself; face blank for once, not betraying the troubled waters beneath.  A bottle of brandy sat on the desk unopened.  Her concentration upon it would have made the Mistress of Novices proud that unfortunate first day in Tar Valon.  Against her minimal better judgement and a screaming voice in her head sounding frighteningly like Maegan, Estel had bought the bottle while shopping in the city yesterday.  The poor shopkeeper had been sceptical of the woman standing, staring at a bottle of his best brandy.

“Would you like another vintage, mistress?”

“What?”  The hood of her dust cloak had slipped while snapping around to face the man, and had revealed her identity.  She’d been trying to keep a low profile.

“I apologise Aes Sedai.”  People grovelling before her ageless face always made her uncomfortable, that day she had tried not to show it.  The sessions with Maegan were doing her a load of good.  “Would you like another vintage, Aes Sedai?”

“Oh, no.”

The poor man had seemed confused but added the bottle to her collection of odds and ends on his counter.  Estel had opened her mouth to refuse the bottle but closed it – the shopkeeper was already confused and she was trying to keep up appearances, fighting over trivialities in public was a step backwards.  Besides, she could give it to Maegan as a token of gratitude.

Instead she was staring at the bottle now sitting on the desk.

Considering her history in the White Tower, who could blame her for wanting to take the edge off?  She was returning on the heels of a failed mission and the snapping of her Bond to an Asha’man following torture, the loss of her political “mentor”, a public psychotic break and suicide attempt, her Warder’s death, another breakdown, and finally being kidnapped by Maegan apparently against the Amyrlin’s wishes.  These were just events of the past two months.  The rest of her “career” was barely less tragic.  Estel might be able to convince herself it took a will of steel to face her past in the Tower, that she deserved the brandy for a little more liquid courage.

Excuses.

A month ago she’d hidden in her room for a week: pathetic, drunk, starving herself.  Serena and Telcia had walked into her room, witnessed Estel balled up in a mess of untouched food, empty bottles, and her own vomit.  One would think watching her son destroy himself with booze was incentive enough to kick her habit but she’d told herself it wasn’t hampering her ability to function.  Days before going back into the Arches she’d promised never to touch the stuff again.

But she was weak and pathetic.  There had been a bottle of brandy with her at all times since in whites.  Addiction was part of her.  Like Maegan has said: “We are who we are and that is all we can ever hope to be or to ever achieve.”

Estel went in search of her corkscrew.

There was a tired, triumphant look upon Addi’s face as she stared at the packed bags on the floor.  It had taken her so long to pack that the boys were already all fast asleep and she tried to be as quiet as possible as she climbed the ladder to her bed; mind you, waking an irritated Sandre would be a bonus but...  Sleeping fully clothed was not exactly comfortable, but she wasn’t comfortable enough around the boys to strip down to her underclothes around them.  She still waited for all of them to be gone before she changed every morning – especially bloody Sandre.  With the boys all asleep, Addison practically sighed in relief as she stripped down to her undershirt and underwear, letting the rest of her clothes drop to the floor before snuggling under her blankets.

Unfortunately, her tiny binge for comfort provided a rather... uncomfortable morning.  Bloody hell, she was sure Sandre took his sweet time getting out of the room while she pretended to sleep, blankets safely hiding her body.  Addi was practically poised to leap out of her bed by the time the door clicked shut behind Sandre.  An incredibly ungraceful jump to the floor from her bunk may have twisted her ankle.  She threw herself at the lock on the door, fumbling with it for a moment in her rush.  Stripping as she walked, Addi practically dumped the water basin over herself.

As she towelled dry, Addi cursed herself for being late for the first outing beyond the walls of Tar Valon she’d been allowed to join – and with the Mistress of Trainees, whom she’d yet to meet, to boot!  Curse her bloody mother kissing luck!  Addison was still buckling on the belt holding her short sword, barely managing to hold all of her bags as she tried to shut the door behind her.  Dropping one of them, and a number of curses, she kicked the door so hard that the thing should have bounced off the wall behind it and closed.  It didn’t.  Whatever, it was now the boys’ problem.

Addi limped as quickly as she could across the yard while dragging her bags.  The others were already there, damn!  A woman with red hair didn’t seem very pleased with her dishevelled appearance.  Thera?  Totally flustered, Addison murmured an inaudible apology accompanied by the most sheepish smile she could manage and fell in beside Edana.

ooc: sorry I'm late, school's pretty much done now so I shold be on top of things...

will post tonight!

last major homework assignment of the year!!

I think I'd put money on Linten :P

ya, God smote Stel when she tried to put on the halo :P

heheh, DM's Angels anyone? :P

hehehe... Stel and Lav trying to work together, of their own volition, even! This should be good :D

mentee ma dear, I suggest you take a headstart ;)

Corin damage, Linten damage, I say it's about time Stel and Lav DID the damage instead of were the damaged ;)

heh, Lav and Stel should team up and try to murder Linten...

*begins shaking the bottle of blue bubbly*

oh no my dear, I live with the men in the white coats, they make me wear a special coat to school...

normally I'd agree Raeyn, but I have two tests, two assignments, three rehearsals, and a concert over the next four days...

Well, I've got a week and a half to go of classes, and of course EVERYTHING is due this Friday so I'll try to get replies up but I'll be a total flake 'til at least Monday (because apparently I have a choir concert this week, who knew?). 

Damn procrastination...

...

my early morning brain sucks at catching innuendo :P

awesome!

Eqwina's in charge, but all you need to do to "reactive" Corin is send in an updated bio for reapproval

why not, give me a poke when needed

heh, Addi's writer has no intention of Bonding her in the near future... Addi, on the other hand, thinks she'll have Aes Sedai lined up to Bond her after her raising ceremony :P  Considering her ego, I would love to RP her trying to catch Jade's eye even as a Trainee.  Mind you, considering Jade's a green Sitter, Addi would worship her but at this point would only see her a commodity "legendary green to Bond so I could be all awesome and cool" etc.

Blah, still here... End of term stress :P, give me another day and I'll get something up