What sort of foolishness is this? A legal court of the White Tower behaving like a pack of Novices on apron strings, and fresh-off-the-cart farmboys? The question is not ownership, for that would hardly excuse misdoings, nor personal favor, for that would not sway justice. I will show that the defendant, the left boob of Nynaeve, is not only innocent of all charges, but above reproach in all things!
There is no need, I am sure, to remind the court of the highly relevant decision in Westley v. Humperdinck which holds that whenever possible, boobs deserve the right to be judged as a pair, and accorded the full protection of the law. At no time has any complaint been leveled against the right boob, which by all accounts has been a model citizen. Thus, the charge must surely be considered as to whether, as a pair, some impropriety has been committed by Nynaeve’s boobs. I know I have no need to lecture this court on its proper conduct. As everyone knows, truth is widely held to be an absolute defense against slander, libel, and other public mischief – as the White Tower well upholds, pursuant to its own First Oath. To convict, censure, or otherwise punish a defendant for an act of truth is an offense against justice which this court will surely not permit.
I then only need remind this court of the Honorable John Keats’ decision on Urn v. Time; “Beauty is truth, truth beauty, --that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.” I submit that these boobs are indeed beautiful – no such charge otherwise has been alleged, nor could it be done so by even a viewer of the meanest character – and the defendant no less so than the right boob. By virtue of their obvious and impressive truth, then, there is no question that all charges against Nynaeve’s left boob must be immediately dropped. Whatever small-minded accusations may be brought, the majesty of the law can admit of no other course of action in this matter.