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Wheel Funny: Breaking News


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Is there Hope for "Hopper"?

 

Breaking News: Five Year Old Wolf Accused of Murder

by Yondaime

Animal Rights Supporters Rally, Family and Friends of Victim Mourn

 

In a dramatic turn of events, a young wolf from the forests north of Whitebrige was accused of murder today. According to witnesses, it was approximately 12:00 p.m. when the wolf, refered to as "Hopper" attacked two Whitecloaks, Biggs and Wedge, without provocation. Officials refused to comment, but we did get a word in with several friends and family members of the alleged victims.

 

Witness: "It just came out of nowhere. Like a freakin' ghost. Biggs and Wedge didn't even have time to defend themselves. They were just minding their own business. I looked over, and all of the sudden they were both bleeding on the ground. I ran for help as fast as I could, but it was too late... Those damn shadowspawn"

 

While statutes and strictures regarding animal misconduct are vague, relatives and friends promised to do "all they could" to make sure that Hopper faces justice.

 

At the same time, friends and family of Hopper come together to show their support to the wolf as he waits in captivity. Here are a few of their comments:

 

Perrin Aybara: "What the hell is a 'hopper'? I don't know what your talking about so leave me alone. And my eyes are perfectly brown. Not yellow. That's for sure."

 

We were also able to get a comment from a co-worker of Hopper who knew the wolf for years.

 

Dapple: "Grrrr. Raarar. Roar. Garrarrrrrr."

 

Despite the strong testimonies of friends and aquiantances of Hopper proclaiming his innocence, the prosecution remains strong, claiming that this murder was the work of a sociopathic animal that needs to be put down.

 

Animal Rights activists however, remain sceptical of the story, adamantly claiming that "God's creatures would never to something like that". Animal Rights President Egwene al'vere firmly stated "What sort of a pathetic story is that?

Wolves don't attack people. People attack people. I was practically a shepherd growing up, so I know." Records, however, indicate that President al'Vere spent her childhood as the daughter of a rural, middle class innkeeper. When questioned about the inconsistency, she declined to comment.

 

Other difficult issues are raised by this occurence as well. How exactly does law apply to our mammalian cousins? According to Caemyln Amendment XVIII, "All men must submit equally before the law". Does this exclude all non humans from the law? This case brings to mind the famous "Skywalker vs. Wompa" case of 1980. This occurence will indeed be ground breaking, making headway into a unique and rare moral quagmire.

 

(source)



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