Approved Band Bio- CC please

[Guest Estel]

Name: Jason Trekoli

Age:26

Hair Color: brown

Eye Color:green

Height:6'2"

Birth Place: carhein

Primary Weapon:long bow

Secondary: claw class weapons

History: Jason grew up in ebou dar. his parents shyla and will had never liked the place but after the aiel war they vowed never to return to carhien. they talked bout going to caemlyn but they didn't have the money.

like most teens about Jasons age he had gotten into several "little skirmishes" and he had no way about a sword (he learned that after tryin to duel a merchants guard) he didn't know what he should do. he had been thinking of leaving his parents and going to see the world. but he had no means of talking his parents into it because they always said

you can go when you get a weapon that will protect you

one day he paused by an inn not one he usely went in but one that he just felt like going in , he didn't know why.once in he saw a women he couln't quite put an age to she was with a man who just reminded him of a wolf not tense but ready for duel. he new he should stay away from them but he couln't stay away. he up and asked there names the man seemed a little hostile when he said it ws none of his bussiness but the lady tall and plump said that he may call her trasy and he was called gin.

after a long talk with the two travelers he asked if he could jion them in a journey the man said no and the women said yes.so he told his parents and went off with to they traveled to getheer for 3 months after that the women said they were going to tr valon and the boy left in the night .

and now is here

[Wayfarer]

Not a chance at the moment, unless someone else wants to put their name on the CC. I'd suggest the following changes.

 

 

Height - Unless he is a few years younger around say 22-23 and was fathered by an Aiel (which is possible), that height is going to have to drop dramatically. Cairhienin are renown for being amongst some of the shortest people in Randland.

 

Weaponry - No. There is no way I am going to approve claw class weapons as an option. And if anyone else does I will stab them myself. These weapons are primarily Seanchan territory as exotic and even there aren't common. Use parrying daggers or somesuch if there must absolutely be something that resembles claws.

 

History - It needs to have its flow improved, the end in particular is rushed and is inexplicable. If need be I'll sit down with the writer and walk him through smoothing it out, but smoothing it does need.

 

 

Having said that, I'd like to point out the good things in the bio so I'm not completely trolling it.

 

 

Cairhien - Best nation in Randland, need more Cairhienin people. :)

 

Immigration - That the parents moved from Cairhien because of the Aiel War is a good detail.

 

Dueling - Its awesome that this is a character who loses bouts instead of winning every single one.

 

Aes Sedai/Warder - Travelling with them is a nice touch, something that could be expanded on more. Did the Warder perhaps teach him some tricks while travelling? The posibility is there.

 

 

Sorry if its come out a bit harsh, but not at my most politic today.

[Taei]

*bumping back into order*