One Last Stand - Before the Storm (Phase 2 - Closed)

[Lyanna]

Lyanna lazily turned around between the cool sheets, watching specks of dust drifting down the rays of light that slanted through the half closed drapes before the windows. This high up in the Tower, you could always hear the wind, no matter what time of year, and so she listened to the flutes and pipes the wind resembled, for a long time.

 

Lannie was still fast asleep beside her, the white-golden locks tumbled and her face innocent and dreamlike, a small smile gracing her lips. The long blonde lashes made her almost look like a child again, but Lyanna knew better. They were old. But life went on for Aes Sedai and stretched. Sometimes she felt stretched too thin.

 

It was very early yet and according to the color of the light that fell across the blankets, the sun had just risen. Lyanna smoothed her long black hair into a braid, donned her slippers and heavy velvet robe and went to the antechambre, where she ordered a quick breakfast and immersed herself in the papers of today. There were several stacks to go through today, one of them the stack of petitioners that invariably came around on this day. The other was a stack of reports from their Eyes and Ears network. They'd have to go over that one this afternoon, if only to see whether they'd survive another day before Tar'mon Gai'don broke loose.

 

In the other chamber she heard Lannie rise. As always the Amyrlin made ready for her round of excercises in the Yards. Most mornings Lyanna accompanied her, but this time, she'd chosen to do paperwork instead, simply because there was too much of it. Lanfir had such strenuous days already, let her enjoy a bit of fresh air and the joy of going through the motions. It was one of the things Lyanna still missed the most - being able to just don her armor, get out her quarterstaff and let the battlehaze seize her. In a way, she almost looked forward to the Last Battle, because then she felt she could be again what she was meant to, a Battle Sister, a General on the field, barking out orders, roughing it at the front and hacking shadowspawn to pieces. I stand ready ... right .. with what? My stamps, pencils and paper? Lyanna shook her head once more, as she had done so often.

 

Lyanna bowed her head and immersed herself in the papers again, waiting for Lanfir to return from her daily excercises.

 

Lyanna

[Lannie]

Did you ever feel like you're living in a time without a reason,

a year without a season,

another day cut by the killing joke

If I was on the outside looking at the inside

I would burn this place to the ground

Straight to the ground, now

Matthew Good Band - "Euphony"

 

Before the Storm

 

The day the world ended started out pretty much like every other day. Lately, many of Lanfir's days had been this way. It started out in the early morning, untangling herself from the sheets and to start her day with a jog through the Yards and some katana practice while the sun lazily peeked over the horizon and the sky was slowly changing from it's nightly indigo to a hazy blue. She had only slept for a few hours last night, but surprisingly enough she felt rested and ready to take on the world. Perhaps those nightly moonlit talks with Nyssa did give her some rest in her head after all.

 

Today, it was cold and slightly humid, but it made for a good workout. There weren't all that many people in the Yards yet, so it was mostly up to the birds to whistle and to produce the only sounds around apart from the breeze and her own breath.

She worked up her adrenaline and revelled in the rush it gave her; Light, why had she ever stopped her morning workouts? She must have been mad. By nature, she was not a morning person, but when she had to get up early for a long day, a workout was just what she needed. Her katana felt sure in her hands; strong, sleek, deadly. She wasn't an expert swordswoman like some of the gaidin, but what she did with it, she did bloody well. After all, she'd had centuries to practice her skill with the weapon. After all that years, wielding a katana was as familiar to her as wielding the One Power.

 

Lanfir worked worked through her forms in the russet sunlight of the morning and then had gone back upstairs for a quick bath and a breakfast before she and Lyanna had to face the world and attempt to keep it together until Tarmon Gai'don.

 

Walking the many stairs up to her quarters, Lanfir contemplated for a moment that she did have an unique position as Amyrlin at the moment; all her predecessors had just ruled and gone through their days while they were at the top of the Tower. It had been more of a day-to-day business as usual for them and while they had dealt with crises, it had always been passing. Her own term as Amyrlin was much more precarious. Her task was to keep the Tower and the world together until Tarmon Gai'don while around her the world was going crazy and pressure was in all she did. It was playing for keeps and she felt more like a crisis manager than an Amyrlin, most of the time.

 

She had heard people blaming her for the rift in the Hall, blaming her for Dumais Wells - but that was just shortsighted. The only thing she could be blamed for was the fact that she'd let Serashada get away... but Lanfir wondered if anyone else would have handled that situation any better. The easy times were over. It was improvise, patch up and move on and hope things would keep until the Last Battle. All she needed was determination to hold out until then. The problem was that nobody knew how long it would exactly take. Lanfir was guessing a year, but it could very easily be longer or shorter.

 

On one hand she felt herself thinking sometimes that the Last Battle should start, that the wait was wearing her thin and that the world as it was couldn't get any more prepared for the good fight... and then the next moment she felt panicky and thought that there was still so much that had to be done, still so much preparing to do... but then again, could you ever be done preparing for battle? Lanfir didn't think so. She had been a Green for so long; she was supposed to be as ready as she was. All she could do was go with the moment and give it what she'd got. And now, as Amyrlin, she was supposed to let the Tower give it what it'd got, as well.

 

After her bath and a bite from her scrambled eggs with peppers, Lanfir bound her hair back in a hasty loose knot and dressed in her representative garb. My work garb, she thought, looking in the silver full-sized mirror at the very feminine clothes. It's my style, my sort of taste, but it's still work garb. It was an ensemble of dark skirts, slashed with white and trimmed with white lace. Her top was equally black and trimmed with white lace and left most of her shoulders bare. Because of the fluffy lace, her hair looked as if it was meant to be this way: lacy and frizzy. She quickly powdered her lashes, put on her white slippers and decided that she looked good enough for the day.

 

When she entered her study she found Lyanna, fresh-looking and awake, sitting at her desk and ready to tackle another day. “Petition morning, isn't it?†Lanfir cheerfully greeted her friend. She laid her arm around Lyanna's shoulder and pressed a kiss in her dark hair. “What horrors must we face today?â€

 

A typical morning on a typical day. They worked through the petitioners, scheduled appointments with nobles, Aes Sedai and commoners alike, and then it was already lunchtime and petitioning was over for the day. Lyanna ordered a lunch and the two of them sat down together with news reports from all over the world. They had finally been able to create a reliable Eyes and Ears network that offered them a peek into how the rest of the world outside of Tar Valon was faring.

 

Most of it had been Lyanna's doing and Lannie took a moment to admire how far their network had come since they had taken over the tatters of Arette Nenatiar's network. They had eyes pretty much everywhere these days and although sometimes Lanfir wished that it was not so because it caused her to lose a lot of sleep sometimes, they were up to date on the happenings in the world.

 

Lanfir told her friend so. "You've done marvelously with this all, Lya," she spoke up suddenly, gesturing vaguely at the reports that were lying before them on Lanfir's coffeetable. "I know that sometimes the shawl of the Keeper is chafing you but I wouldn't know about anyone else more capable to stand next to me." Lanfir grinned. "Sometimes I think that I'd have burned this place to the ground in frustration if you wouldn't have been there to create some semblance of order in the chaos with me. Thank you for everything, Lya," she ended. She smiled at her love and felt grateful that at least she had Lyanna with her, in whatever would be there to come. "I wouldn't know what to do without you."

[Lyanna]

"You would go on, like you always have without me dear". It was true. While they had been inseperable since Fal Dara and the aftermath in which Lyanna's sister died - no you killed her, be honest - and in which they had tried to find Lanfir's lost warder Souvan, they had also spent many many years apart.

 

Lyanna had returned to the Tower to become one of the most vocal sisters of the Green Ajah, making it to Sitter even, while Lanfir had disappeared from the Tower completely. They had been in touch for a while through letters, but that dwindled and the former Green Ajah Head had disappeared from Lyanna's view for decades.

 

She had missed her old friend terribly, Lyanna had, but she also knew it was stupid to try and find her. Once Lanfir had left, she had not wanted to be found, and Lyanna did not want to breach her friends privacy by even trying. Lanfir had a lot of things to work out, and if the Tower thought her deceased and gone, so be it.

 

Of course they had gotten back together through a stupid mishap. While Lyanna was in turmoil over the death of her Warder in a skirmish right outside the Blight Border, she had resorted to the bottle, and that had proved to be a more dire mistake than she ever could have imagined. The pristine and conscientious Lyanna had found herself to be utterly hooked to the solace the bottle gave her, and in shame she had left the Tower to try and find her path to sobreness back. And had utterly failed. Lyanna didn't want to think back much on these years, but suffice to say she had done everything to get to money but sell her body. The places she'd seen, the spots she'd slept in .. it was horrendous. And it might have gotten worse if she had not stumbled upon this particular inn in Tanchico where Lannie happened to sway the scepter. Lanfir, once the hardened battle general, and now the Amyrlin Seat, had opened up an inn there and was living relatively happily without the Tower.

 

From there, both of them had worked their way back to the Tower. And here they were. It still was a dizzying thought that the insecure little Aes Sedai in Fal Dara and the failed Green Ajah Head would have risen so high.

 

Lyanna extended her hand and wound her fingers through Lanfir's white tresses. It was still beautiful, and because of the color it was difficult to see whether her lover was already showing signs of white hair. "But I must say that I could not imagine my life without you again. We work together like a well-oiled machine I think. And it is more than that of course."

 

A blush crept up her face. Lyanna still wasn't used to the fact that the two of them now not only shared an offic, but a bed as well.

[Lannie]

"...I must say that I could not imagine my life without you again. We work together like a well-oiled machine I think. And it is more than that of course."

 

Indeed, they had only been back together for the better part of two, nearly three years... but once they had found their ways back to one another it was as if those seventy years of living alone had melted away just like that. They had laughed and called it fate back then, and Lanfir still did... in the quiet depth of her heart. For her, it was fate that of all the people in the world, Lyanna had shown up on her doorstep. It was fate that they'd gotten over their hurts together to make that large step back to the Tower again. It was fate that the sun had been shining brilliantly on the day of their return. Fate that they had lived through Namandar, that they had become Sitters in the Hall once again. And it had been fate that the Hall had deigned Lanfir to be the best one to sit the Seat while the world was readying itself for the Last Battle.

 

Lanfir believed in coincedence, but she did not think that any of those happenings had been coincedence. There were things they had taken into their own hand: things like raising Lyanna to Keeper, things like politicking with the Gray Ajah to vote for Lanfir during the election - those things. But the rest had been up to the Light, and it had bound them together as surely as Lanfir was bonded to her warders.

 

Was it so strange then, that they had found love and comfort with one another after all those years? "It is more than that," Lanfir agreed, her heart full of warm thoughts. "You saw me when I was at my lowest and stood with me throughout my hardest storms. And I'd like to think that I picked you up when you were at the bottom of your own pit. We've sailed through heavy storms together. I wouldn't be where I am without you... I think I wouldn't be who I am without you, Lyanna." She laid her head on her Keeper's shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment, relishing in the feeling. "I just felt it had to be said, sweetling."

 

How often did they really sit down to reflect, these days? Never. Life was steaming on and often gave them a back seat while around them, things were exploding. It was all about reaction and damage control. They hardly ever had the time to look back and learn, or to look forward and anticipate. Time for one another was even rarer. Most of the things that were spilling over Lanfir's lips had gone unsaid for years. And why?

 

Perhaps her talk with Nyssa about the calm before the storm had stirred some feelings inside of her. She had felt the need to say these things, to get them out before indeed the storm would hit and they would not be prepared. Some things you just needed to have out of the way before the storm would sweep you away, after all.

 

Perhaps it was that. Perhaps it was just time to say these things, to show Lyanna that appreciation. She knew that Lyanna's Keeper stole chafed her often, and she was terribly sorry for putting her friend in a position that made her unhappy. Just bear with it, Lyanna... it will all be over soon. Because it was all ending. Just a little while longer and there might not even be a Tower left to rule over. Who knew what would happen, before the end?

[Lyanna]

This is my waking hour

This is my place,

I can hear it,

I feel the power in my heart,

And it's my moment,

It is right there,

And it's staring me in the face ...

Your Troubles are Over - The Gathering

 

"Are you afraid?" Lyanna asked Lanfir gently. "Of Tar'Mon Gaidon, I mean? I have been thinking about it a lot lately. When I was a novice, I was so interested in the prophecies, but only because it seemed an exciting tale, and something which was so far away that it seemed harmless indulging in it. I had never expected the hour to dawn upon us in our lifetime. And certainly not in the position we are in right now."

 

She stood up and pushed aside the plush curtains, staring out over the fields below, the stables, the premises of the Tower and the large square that lay beyond. The sun shone down warmly. It looked so peaceful and yet, the telltale signs were there in the papers behind her on the desk. The Dragon had been reborn, which meant the Last Battle was upon them.

 

"It is strange Lanfir. When I think of Tar'Mon Gaidon there is a mixture of feelings in my head. At one point I am horrified. Not for myself, or the thought that I might die. It is very likely we will die. But more because I am not certain the Light shall win. The prophecies are not clear on that. I've been trying to read more into them, but it simply seems to be undecided. And the thought that all this - " her gesture included not only Tar Valon that lay beyond, but also the Tower and everything in the room with them " will simply disappear or be so horribly twisted is almost more than I can stomach. And yet .."

 

She halted and let the stole of the Keeper slip down her shoulders. The green fabric was soft as she folded it into a neat little package and put it down on the window sill before her. Such a tiny little thing and at once so large and looming. How she longed to open the window and let it fly, so that the responsibility flew with it and she could be a Battle Sister again.

 

She turned and looked her long time friend in the eyes. "And yet I long for the last Battle, Lanfir. If only because I feel that at that point, I can finally show my worth and be what I was supposed to be. I can be a general again, one with a quarterstaff and sword, not one with a pencil. I know you meant well when you appointed me to the Keepers office, and I never dreamt of refusing you, but at the same time I wish you never had. I feel as if my wings are clipped. I know I am doing a fair enough job, but my heart is not into it. It is not my place I think. Or is it?"

[Lannie]

"And yet I long for the last Battle, Lanfir," Lyanna concluded her musings. Her green eyes had taken on a faraway look, lost in thoughts of more important things than this day, this hour. "If only because I feel that at that point, I can finally show my worth and be what I was supposed to be. I can be a general again, one with a quarterstaff and sword, not one with a pencil. I know you meant well when you appointed me to the Keepers office, and I never dreamt of refusing you, but at the same time I wish you never had. I feel as if my wings are clipped. I know I am doing a fair enough job, but my heart is not into it. It is not my place I think. Or is it?"

 

"It is as much your place as it is mine, Lyanna." Lanfir leaned back in her pillows and tried not to show the pent-up frustration that was balling up in the pit of her stomach. "You dried my tears when Chachin fell. You know how badly I wanted to go there and make a stand against the Shadow with saidar and steel, as I've done for so many years. But I couldn't, because of our duty here. I'm as caught up as you are. It was never my idea to go for the position of Amyrlin, either. It was you and Jaydena who came up with that, and I felt like I had to do my duty. If I forced you, it's because there is no one better around to do this job, even though you feel like you don't belong here. There is no one better suited at this very moment. It could change today or tomorrow, or not for another year... but bottomline is that we're in this together, sweetling. This is our waking hour."

[Lyanna]

The steps I take

will pave the road

ahead of me

 

She is right. If it hadn't been for me, and Jade of course, she never would have considered putting herself up for the office. And consequently, I never would have been here. In effect, it is my own doing that brought me here.

 

Lyanna nodded. "Strange isn't it, how the road you set your feet upon sometimes leads you somewhere you don't want to go at all? You wouldn't have become Amyrlin if I hadn't urged you, and I wouldn't have become Keeper if you hadn't been Amyrlin. In essence, I am my own undoing." Her bright laughter sounded through the halls and all of a sudden, the world seemed lighter. Lyanna couldn't really explain why, but somehow it felt better to blame herself than to blame her friend. She could handle it better somehow.

 

"I guess I am at the right place then. Because you certainly are, and I do not regret a single moment telling you you should run for Amyrlin. I do know you feel as hampered as I do - but somehow you seem to handle it better, do you not? I apologize if I have been a complaining old hag. We simply need to make the best of things I think. But Light, do I die for some excitement around here!"

 

She looked around the room, trying to find something with which to make the task ahead a little more lively. But there wasn't anything really. Just stacks of paper.

 

"Know what? Maybe we should just order some wine up and a nice meal, and then go through all of this at our leasure. It isn't as if the day is going to run away with us - we have plenty of time so why not make it a little more cozy?"

[Lannie]

Lanfir had not even know she would say these things before she suddenly did. Lyanna's green eyes widened for a second before she nodded slowly. "Strange isn't it, how the road you set your feet upon sometimes leads you somewhere you don't want to go at all? You wouldn't have become Amyrlin if I hadn't urged you, and I wouldn't have become Keeper if you hadn't been Amyrlin. In essence, I am my own undoing." And then she laughed. She laughed! It was a beautiful sound: bright and unburdened, and suddenly it felt as if some of the tension between them had lifted. There was a smile playing around Lyanna's lips when she continued: "I guess I am at the right place then. Because you certainly are, and I do not regret a single moment telling you you should run for Amyrlin. I do know you feel as hampered as I do - but somehow you seem to handle it better, do you not?"

 

Do I? Lanfir thought of nightmares and tears, of her own vulnerability to Ja'varans insults in the past, and thought differently. There was some truth to Lyanna's words, though. Lanfir had mostly gotten over most of her I can't do this, I don't want to be here feelings in the first two months after her raising to Amyrlin. From the moment that she had found comfort in Lyanna's arms, she had felt better, more secure and more grounded, even.

 

"I apologize if I have been a complaining old hag. We simply need to make the best of things I think. But Light, do I die for some excitement around here!" Lyanna said cheerfully. Her green eyes were sparkling with a mirth that Lanfir had not seen in a long, long time. "Know what? Maybe we should just order some wine up and a nice meal, and then go through all of this at our leasure. It isn't as if the day is going to run away with us - we have plenty of time so why not make it a little more cozy?"

 

Lanfir smiled back at her friend just as brilliantly and said: "That's the best idea I've heard in weeks. Let's make it so." She quickly ordered wine and snacks and opened the curtains, so more daylight filled her room. It was too cold outside to open the doors to her balcony, so they made do with lighting some scented candles and settled down comfortably in the pillows, together with some papers about Mayene and its internal politics. Lanfir explained a bit of what Nyssa had told her about Mayene and it's murky schemes, and they laughed together at the messy flowchart that Lannie put together to explain her point. It was a weight that was lifted of Lannie's shoulder, one that she had not even known was there, she thought, while she smiled at Lyanna over her glass of darkred wine.

 

For the first time in the better part of a year, she truly began to feel at peace.