The Hardest Thing to Do is Apologize (Carnhain) *repost*

[Kael]

Kedyn paused, trying to make another exuse for himself to delay, before pushing open the door from the barracks. He stepped out into the midday sun and smiled weekly at a passing Fox who had waved at him. Though he was slightly ashamed that he had had to pause to bite back a retort before doing so. He was trying to draw himself out quickly, reassert himself back in the good graces of those he knew. Miria had begun and other Fox's, encouraged by his brief show of happiness and emotion over the pass few days, has helped her try and break the walls he had built up to protect himself.

 

But the one preson he had yet to apologize for was his closest friend in the Citadel, Carnhain. He was afraid that his cold shoulder attitude may have damaged their friendship past the point Kedyn could repair and that was why he was trying to procrastinate in doing this.

 

Taking a deep breath Kedyn took the first step and followed, his feet took that path towards the Cavalry barracks nearby. All the while Kedyn was steeling his resolve in what he was doing. His delay had much to deal with the memories that came along with his friend. So many of his memories of Lavena had Carnhain in them. The first time he kissed Lavena Carnhain was there, both the first jokingly kiss and the first real kiss. Carnhain had been there when Lavena had first told him she loved him. It made seeing Carnhain all that much harder because of the memories seeing the man brought with it.

 

Kedyn slowly arrived at the Carhain's barracks. He stopped a passing Cavalry man, Corporal by the rank on his shoulder. "Do you know if Lieutenant Carnhain is in his room." The corporal nodded. "As far as I know. I just came from there."

 

"Thank you." Kedyn nodded and turned forcing himself to continuing walking until he was standing in front of the door. Reaching out he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath he knocked on his friend's door.

 

 

Kedyn

_________________

Orion Manteir- Tower Gaurd, Promised to Estel

Kedyn Alastair -Band Scout Sergeant Band DL

Davian- Aiel Seia Doon SL

Rion Anglemar- BT Dedicated

 

Estel

DM Member

 

 

Joined: 01 Jan 1970

Posts: 1225

Location: Canada

Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:47 pm Post subject:

"Come in." Carnhain sighed. He was currently working on the mountain of paperwork littering his desk. Rowul was out with Iron Heart and Carnhain would have joined him, but like a diciplining father, Rowul had told Carnhain to catch up on his paperwork.

 

Now that Carnhain could read, Rowul was forcing him to practice, and that meant keeping most of it for himself instead of shoving it to the Sergaents and Corporals under him.

 

Turning around, his blonde, barely visible eyebrows shot up. It was Kedyn. It had been a long while since Carnhain had seen his friend, and he was now thouroughly fed up with the man.

 

"Well, out of the tavern now are we? Now more drinks tonight? Wondered when you'd be sober again." the cavalryman scowled. He had doen everything he could to try and help this man but it never had been enough. Carnhain had given up on him for good.

_________________

Asha'man Isha Talcontar

Tallest, Ugliest Asha'man

Estel Sedai of the Blue Ajah

Promised to Orion, Bonded to Matthias

Lieutenant Carnhain Stromblade

Rowul's Nephew

ADL of the Band

Alianna Karalev, Former Thiefcatcher

The woman who lost everything

 

Kael

DM Member

 

 

Joined: 01 Jan 1970

Posts: 1024

 

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 2:22 am Post subject:

A small smile had started to form on Kedyn's lips but Carnhain's disdainful look had killed it before it could fully form. "Well, out of the tavern now are we? Now more drinks tonight? Wondered when you'd be sober again."

 

The words cut deeper than Kedyn would have thought possible for this encounter, through the small amount of self- esteem that Kedyn had managed to build up, threatening to smash Kedyn's few hopes of regaining his old life and happiness. But Kedyn was determined to fix what he had started, begining with repairing this seemingly hopeless relationship.

 

Kedyn shook his head and took a moment to collect his thoughts before he dared open his mouth to speak once more. "I deserve that. I have done nothing to deserve any type of friendship with you. My attitude and actions over the past few weeks have been nothing but horrible. I just...I just wanted to say I'm sorry. If you want me to go, I will. I didn't know how much Lavena meant to me, or how much losing her would kill me inside. So go ahead, yell, vent, slam this door in my face. But I want to change, go back to how I was before Lavena died."

 

Kedyn took a deep breath, and tightened his eyes blinking back a tear that was threatening to roll down his cheek. It was still painful to think of, and this situation was not helping in making him feel better about himself or his future. "Even if I can't repair the relationship that I seem to have killed."

 

 

Kedyn

_________________

Orion Manteir- Tower Gaurd, Promised to Estel

Kedyn Alastair -Band Scout Sergeant Band DL

Davian- Aiel Seia Doon SL

Rion Anglemar- BT Dedicated

 

Estel

DM Member

 

 

Joined: 01 Jan 1970

Posts: 1225

Location: Canada

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 4:45 am Post subject:

"Killed it you did." Carnhain's words were no longer meant to bite, but neither were they warm. "For someone who had something that many people never experience, you were incredibly ungrateful. You should thank the Creator for that."

 

The Cavalryman turned back to face his friend again, his face serious. The glint of mischief that usually lit the greyish blue eyes was gone. "I wasn't the only one to have given up on you, you know that. Most people did, long before I did. But whatever I did was never enough. I tried to help and you ignored me. By the end, I had given you up for dead, because either you'd drink youself there, or would commit the act yourself and if you had done that yesterday, I wouldn't have cared."

 

Finally, Carnhain was finding someone to vent on. Someone to talk to about the trouble he had been going through for months. He had so few people he could call 'close friends', and when one of them turned their back on him, he turned his back on them.

[Kael]

"I wasn't the only one to have given up on you, you know that. Most people did, long before I did. But whatever I did was never enough. I tried to help and you ignored me. By the end, I had given you up for dead, because either you'd drink youself there, or would commit the act yourself and if you had done that yesterday, I wouldn't have cared."

 

Inside Kedyn felt terrible knowing how much it was hurting him to try and reconstruct this doomed friendship, how much it must have felt like for one of your friends to scorn you no matter how much you did to try and help them. When all your efforts to heal were met by a stone wall or scalding comments.

 

But Kedyn was also determined to try and fix this, no matter what it took in the end. He would keep trying, as much as Carnhain had tried to help him.

 

"Everyday I thought about taking my life, and what scares me the most is just how close I got to doing the deed. The only reason I didn't was because I had some foolish notion that if I stayed and trained the Fox's well, no one else would have to suffer Lavena's fate. The drink, depression, was very close to overcomming in the end. I didn't think I would last long either, and I did not care either."

 

Kedyn took a deep breath, taking a few seconds to recompose himself before continuing. This was not easy talking about his problems, confessing what he had felt. "And I should be grateful. I am now. The few people who kept trying for the longest, yourself, Miria, even the commander I am indebted foreever. So many people turned their backs on me only after a few days, that I know who my friends are truly. I always thought of you as a kind of brother Carnhain. I just want you to know that. And if you want me to go, I'll go. At least you listned to me for this long."

 

 

Kedyn

[Guest Estel]

A brother. More than anything else that word hit Carnhain and pierced his heart. For the orphan, never knowing a family, a feeling of kinship was a precious gift that he could no simply discard.

 

When Rowul had become his 'uncle', Carnhain had found for the first time a new emotion. A caring for a human being unlike he had ever experience before. It was a blind trust and he knew he would follow wherever Rowul led.

 

Rowul was his only family, and though Carnhain sometimes wondered whether his biological sister was still alive he had never really had anyone who would call him brother.

 

And now, Kedyn, his best friend in the world, comes back asking for forgiveness calling him 'brother'. What should he do? After all this time did he just forgive the man who had shunned his every effort to help? Did he just turn his back on a member of his 'family'? For the first time in his life he was finally learning what it was to love. He too loved Kedyn as a brother, just as he loved Rowul like he would a father. There was no way he could deny a member of his few close friends.

 

Breaking the silence that had fallen between the two, the cavalry man spoke. "I have too few friends to give up them too quickly, and I have no call to refuse forgiveness to a man who forgave me for almost ending his life one certain bloody night a long time ago." A smile cracked the once angry face, Kedyn was back to his old self now, and all would be right with the world again.