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[Master of the Blades]

This is the most entertaining post i have ever read on any of the Wheel of Time Boards.

 

Unfortunately Stonedogs Board is being discontinued.

 

I am psoting it here so it will survive a little longer.

 

 

Author Comment

rhuarc1976

Moderator

Posts: 796

(8/11/01 9:30 pm)

 

ezSupporter

 

TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan (psst...WH Spoilers)

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Hi! I'm Troy McClure.

 

You may remember me from such Forsaken Funeral eulogies like "Aginor and Balthamel, The First to Go" and "Bel'al, We Hardly Knew Ya!" You may also remember me from such unsolved mystery shows like "Asmodean's Killer: It's Intuitively Obvious who did it, or is it?" and "Shaidar Haran: Superfade or Myrddraal in Disguise?"

 

Tonight we bring you the combined efforts of Rhuarc1976 and Narishma Reborn! Behold, "TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan--Taimandred Revealed!" Brought to you by Duff Beer and Laramie Cigarettes!

Asmodean's barked laugh was utterly acid. "The Shadow take me, you must be beginning to think you really are the bloody Creator! We are dead. Both of us. Dead! Are you too blind with pride to see it? Or just too thick-witted, you hopeless shepherd?"

 

Edited by: rhuarc1976 at: 6/21/02 6:07:54 pm

 

rhuarc1976

Moderator

Posts: 797

(8/11/01 9:31 pm)

 

ezSupporter

 

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, and Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose in the Quartier latin. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.

 

South it blew over the frozen lands of the Great White north. It was autumn in this land, but the Fall already felt like Winter as snow began to cover the forests. Some trees were left bare, still others held onto their precious few leaves. South and west the wind continued out of Québec and into Ontario through the great city of Toronto, blowing on either side of the CN Tower and on southward. It blew straight over the lake that bears its name; a lake so large it deserved to be called a Great Lake by some. Onward it crossed the border to the land Canada so much wanted to be like; and was like in so many ways. After crossing Lake Ontario, it settled into a crowded parking lot in Buffalo, New York.

 

The line at the Barnes and Noble was long and winding. TelJanin had made the long drive from his home in Montreal to upstate New York to get to this signing. Book Ten of the Wheel of Time series had just been released and Tel was waiting patiently in line. Truth be told, he was nervous, but he didn't let it show. He wasn't like the others, shaking, stamping their feet, probably waiting to ask something stupid like, "is Bela the Creator?" "Who killed Asmodean anyway? Was it Slayer? My friend says it's Graendal, but I think she's full of it." "If person A balefires person B and person C balefires person A, will person B come back to life?" Of course, all RJ would say to those questions was RAFO, or he would give a quick answer and get on with it. But not to his. TelJanin would not accept a common RAFO or any sidestepping for that matter. He knew Taim was Demandred in disguise, and he was going to wrestle the truth out of Robert Jordan one way or another. He was on a mission. He would prove all those anti-Taimandredists wrong on Stonedog's board; people like ogre82, Narishma Reborn, Blackstone, Jain Charin.... Just three more people to go and the truth would be revealed.

 

"...no, I can't teach you to channel the One Power, much less how to Balefire your teacher for giving you a bad grade because you spent all your time reading the Wheel of Time in class." The hatchet-faced teenager's eyes started to well up. Before he let anyone stare, he turned away clutching Book Ten to his chest and ran off yelling, "It's true, it has to be!"

 

"Has there ever been a Purple Ajah?", asked the zit cheeked young man; his fingers fidgeting and holding close to him his newly signed book. "My friend says there was in the Age of Legends, but I can't find anything in the Guide."

 

"I'm afraid there weren't any Ajahs in the Age of Legends. Ajahs are a making only of the Third Age. Even the FAQ has that right. Next?"

 

"Hi Mr. Jordan. My name's Johnny. I've read the series 3 dozen times already. It's all I ever do. I read nothing else. I think you're the best. Will you sign my book?"

 

Tel couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing. The guy talked like he was fifteen, but looked to be twenty-five. He shook his head. For a fleeting moment he thought of the agelessness that comes after working with the power for so long. I have to remember that this is the Real World, not Randland, er... Westlands. Three dozen times?! That's even more than I've read it!

 

"Well, I'm impressed Johnny, but I must tell you, there is a real world you know. This all comes from my imagination. There is no One Power Johnny, and no Myrddraal's will come out of the shadows for you and you don't have to worry about Lanfear or any of the Forsaken coming to get you if you're bad. Here's your book. Next."

 

This was it, the moment Tel was waiting for. Time to be composed. This was his only shot. He couldn't appear stupid now. He set the book down on the table in front of RJ. RJ looked up and smiled at Tel.

 

"Something you want to ask?", Jordan said.

 

Forming the Void, Tel prepared himself.

 

"It's time for a major 180. For a long time, many of us thought that Demandred was in Shaara."

 

RJ nodded; already the words were forming on his lips, those dreaded words.

 

Quickly, Tel preempted him. "The more I thought about it, the less sure I was that Demandred is in Shaara. The fighting in Shaara could easily be explained by the fact Graendal kidnapped the Sho'ban and Sho'btay. This probably upset their entire society."

 

"Yes, well...," Robert tried jumping in. Tel barreled on.

 

"The fact that the Dark One chose to give the 'Let the Lord of Chaos Rule' instructions to Demandred seems to suggest that Demandred has a more central role to play than just going off to some remote corner of the world."

 

"You see..."

 

"Demandred has to keep an eye on Rand. I had originally thought that he could have employed a spy, Taim perhaps. But all of the Forsaken have spies on Rand, especially Graendal. Why is Demandred singled out along with Osan'gar, who we know was there in person? It seems to me that a spy would not be sufficient to the task. Demandred would have to be there in person. And if Demandred is there in person, then he has to be in disguise --- I mean the guy has to live somewhere, he's human. The question is, who is he impersonating? No one really fits the bill."

 

Jordan began nodding. Tel hoped that he was taking all this in. He continued.

 

"At the end of WH, Demandred gripes about having to fight for himself and not being able to lead --- I doubt that a guy like this could be impersonating someone in a minor position. There is no possible way that Demandred could be impersonating a person close to Rand and never have seen an Aes Sedai before. So, maybe he didn't get a clear look at their faces. And if he didn't see the faces of the Aes Sedai... maybe he didn't get a clear look at Flinn's face either. The only other clue we are given is the Kisman point of view. Think about it this way. When the renegade Asha'man screwed up the first time, they ran back to Taim. That is risky because it exposes Taim's part in the whole thing so Taim tells them that if they fail they shouldn't come back to him again. Demandred later orders them not to allow themselves to be discovered even by the M'Hael, which justs happens to be exactly what Taim wants. This "double order" ends up looking a lot like a single order told two times."

 

"I think you can see where I'm going here..." Tel got it all out, a smile of satisfaction on his face.

 

RJ frowned. The man was of average height, and he had a commanding presence. He could see that this one was going to be harder than most; a simple RAFO wouldn't be enough. He had to engage him.

 

"Alright then, the Seal; why give Rand the Seal if he were a Forsaken?"

 

"Why not?" Tel responded. "They're just going to break anyway, no matter where they are."

 

Hmm, RJ thought, this one is stubborn. "Ok, back to the Choden Kal scene. Demandred gave descriptions of the people he saw. He saw Flinn's limp, and his balding head, with the fringe of white hair."

 

"So?" said Tel. "That doesn't mean that he recognized him. There are lots of limping people with balding heads."

 

The line behind TelJanin was building up. Some people began showing signs of irritation. Others, the true fans, listened to the debate with interest. RJ finally responded.

 

"But he was surprised to find that the tottering old man was an Asha'man. If he were Taim, then he would have known that old guys could be Asha'man too."

 

"Yes," Tel was ready with this one, "but he wasn't expecting anyone to be there. His spies had only told him about Rand and one woman traveling together. He's surprised that there is an Asha'man there, not that an old man can be an Asha'man. It's intuitively obvious."

 

RJ flinched at that phrase. "So he does see Flinn. Explain again why he doesn't expect him to be there?"

 

"He thinks Flinn went rogue. He couldn't expect Flinn to show up, so when he sees him, he doesn't think about it."

 

"But Flinn was his first student. Surely even an approximate description would bring him to mind."

 

"Why would Taimandred care about who a particular student is? He's not the kind of person to be caring about limps or hair or things. Besides, Demandred was too far off to recognize Flinn in the first place, even with saidin enhancing his vision. The whole area was wooded, and who knows exactly how far off Flinn's circle was. Here, let me show you this diagram." Tel proceeded to pull out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and spread it out on the table.

 

RJ, coming out of his stunned stupor, placed his hand on Tel's arm and gave a deep sigh.

 

"Instead of looking at the map, let's get back to the other two Aes Sedai. He got good enough looks to call them "beautiful in a wild way" and "stunning." How do you explain that?"

 

Tel grinned, “Well, I've always kinda pictured Demandred as kinda shallow, so…”

 

RJ raised his hand to stop him. “No need. I see where you're going. Now, let's take a look at Dumai's Wells. In Winter's Heart, Demandred thinks of his alliance with Mesaana as unbroken. How can that be true if Tam is Demandred? Taim rescued Rand from Mesaana's kidnapping attempt." Looking smug, RJ leaned back in his chair, hands clasped behind his head.

 

"Well, you see, Taimandred only stepped in when the Shaido were about to seize Rand, and take him beyond his control. So, Taimandred hears word about this, and gets together a really quick rescue, to prevent Rand from falling into the hands of the Shaido."

 

Hmm, interesting, RJ thought. But there was one problem. “Alas, though, Taim had to search to find Rand and the army. He wouldn't have done that if he had been receiving reports. He should have known exactly where they were.”

 

Tel looked confused. “But Taim didn’t have to search. He knew where to go.”

 

RJ said, “What do you mean he didn’t have to search? I specifically said he did in another interview, I’m sure of it!”

 

A look of understanding came over Tel “Ah, yes, I remember now. Well, I’ve chosen to ignore that interview.”

 

Shock came over RJ, he was at a loss for words. This guy is crazy! Ignoring an interview?!? Who does he think he is?

 

The people in line behind Tel looked at the man, speechless, reviled by the blasphemy spewing from his lips. Finally, RJ got his tongue back. “May I ask why?”

 

“Yes,” Tel responded, “It’s because you were obviously misquoted.”

 

RJ stared at him, shock painted his face, then said slowly, “I see.”

 

All were silent for awhile.

 

RJ considered his next words carefully. “Why are you so persistent in this? Can’t you just realize that I meant for Taim to be a red herring? Taim and Demandred are not the same guy!”

 

Tel’s eyes widened with shock, then suspicion. “Then who is Demandred?”

 

Looking around at all the fans gathered, RJ paused, then motioned for Tel to come closer. Leaning down over the old man, Tel jittered in expectation. The whispered words came to his ear, and then they stopped, the blood draining from his face.

 

“Him? NOOOoo!” The word still hung in the air when security took him....

Asmodean's barked laugh was utterly acid. "The Shadow take me, you must be beginning to think you really are the bloody Creator! We are dead. Both of us. Dead! Are you too blind with pride to see it? Or just too thick-witted, you hopeless shepherd?"

 

Smurf Stomper

Registered User

Posts: 58

(8/11/01 9:37 pm)

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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Ten bucks says RJ whispered "RAFO" in his ear.

 

I think this post proves a valid point, even RJ couldn't win an argument against Tel......It just isn't possible. I bet if there was more posted, Tel would convince RJ that Dem=Taim.

"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. " - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

 

Morkhon

Moderator

Posts: 1817

(8/11/01 9:46 pm)

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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This is exactly what I said, I believe it was to Mash, over AIM on Tuesday night. Tel could convince RJ of Taimendred, even if it wasn't really RJ's plan to have them be the same.

"The Nae'blis has spoken."

 

JasinBashar01

Registered User

Posts: 541

(8/11/01 9:47 pm)

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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LOL! that was priceless

She was divinity's creature that kissed in cold mirrors. A Queen of Snows. Far beyond compare, lips attuned to symmetry sought Her everywhere. Dark liqoured eyes, an Arabian nightmare...She was Ersulie possessed of a milky white skin. My porcelain Yin, A graceful Angel of Sin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TelJanin

Moderator

Posts: 1314

(8/11/01 9:59 pm)

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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For the first time in my life, I am utterly at a loss for words...

"The Dragon Reborn," Dashiva's voice sounded loud, magnified slightly by the Power, "the King of Illian, the Lord of the Morning, comes to see the woman, Cadsuane Melaidhrin."

 

Narishma Reborn

Registered User

Posts: 884

(8/11/01 10:31 pm)

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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Alright!

 

Narishma Reborn--Official DireGeek

I am the storm before the calm The Hole in Ian's Mind

RAFO killed Asmodean.

 

Ogre82

Moderator

Posts: 2092

(9/11/01 12:12 am)

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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That was great, Rhuarc.

 

And Narishma, of course.

"The first part of the Great Lord's message was simple. 'Let the Lord of Chaos rule.' His words, exact." The corners of his mouth twitched, as close to a smile as Mesaana had ever seen him. Then he told them the rest.

 

Edited by: Ogre82 at: 11/8/01 11:40:10 pm

 

rhuarc1976

Moderator

Posts: 799

(9/11/01 2:59 am)

 

ezSupporter

 

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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Thanks Ogre! However, Narishma Reborn deserves just as much credit. He wrote all of the dialogue between Tel and RJ. I loved it when he had Tel get the map out. When I read the first draft, I was literally laughing out loud for at least a few minutes. Great job Narishma!

Asmodean's barked laugh was utterly acid. "The Shadow take me, you must be beginning to think you really are the bloody Creator! We are dead. Both of us. Dead! Are you too blind with pride to see it? Or just too thick-witted, you hopeless shepherd?"

 

Narishma Reborn

Registered User

Posts: 888

(9/11/01 4:52 am)

 

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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*blushes*

 

aww, shucks. twas nothing

 

Narishma Reborn--Official DireGeek

I am the storm before the calm The Hole in Ian's Mind

RAFO killed Asmodean.

 

UV20

Registered User

Posts: 247

(9/11/01 8:42 pm)

 

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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that was great!!!!

 

 

 

 

The scary thing is I can imagine it perfectly in my eyes, it's bloody possible!!!!!

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain"- Frank_Herbert

 

Roqu

Registered User

Posts: 146

(9/11/01 9:27 pm)

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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Wow!

 

 

 

 

 

WiCked triBE49

Registered User

Posts: 770

(9/11/01 9:52 pm)

 

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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Great job you two.

So Pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games So Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.

 

Narishma Reborn

Registered User

Posts: 953

(13/11/01 4:48 am)

 

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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thank you all. Twas Rhuarc's brilliant idea, along with my technical expertise of the arguments... well... sorta expertise

 

And by the way, this is what is called a

 

BUMP!

 

Narishma Reborn--Official DireGeek

I am the storm before the calm The Hole in Ian's Mind

RAFO killed Asmodean.

 

rhuarc1976

Moderator

Posts: 885

(14/11/01 12:24 am)

 

ezSupporter

 

Re: TelJanin vs. Robert Jordan

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Aw shucks, Narishma.

 

Looks like I'm gonna bump this again for everyone's reading pleasure...

Asmodean's barked laugh was utterly acid. "The Shadow take me, you must be beginning to think you really are the bloody Creator! We are dead. Both of us. Dead! Are you too blind with pride to see it? Or just too thick-witted, you hopeless shepherd?"