The Princess and the Pig-Girl (Attn: Azalia)

[Quisalas Selene]

Katiana lay face down on her hard bed staring at the wall as if every ounce of her fury and anger could burn a hole through it.  She focused on the wall so hard it was as if she blamed that single, smooth white brick for all of her problems.  She'd come to the Tower angry and upset and disliking Aes Sedai and none of that had really changed, but now she had a real problem.  A big problem.

 

She liked holding the source.

 

It had only been a few seconds that she had channeled in Jerinia Accepted's class, surely not even as long as a minute, but it felt like a lifetime.  She found herself reaching for the source at random moments throughout the day and it shocked and scared her.  Not because she was afraid of burning herself out, in spite of everything Jerinia had said about that she was determined that it would be the answer to all her problems.  No, it was worse than that.  She realized that she wanted to hold the source not because she hoped to burn herself out, but because she was pretty much sure that she had liked it too much to risk burning herself out.  Each time she had reached towards the source and found it's comforting glow just behind her, she thought about how sweet it felt, how perfect and full.  And she was worried that if she managed to reach the source again she wouldn't dare pull too much.

 

She didn't want to lose the ability to touch Saidar.

 

She scrambled off her bed and raced to the privy to relieve herself of the tea she had drank after the last time she urgently visited the privy.  The beautiful large curls framed her face and hid her shame from the world as she emptied herself and then stayed there for a long moment, wishing she had more that she could vent.  After she threw up, she burst into tears again, wishing she had never touched the source and wishing she had never known what sweet seduction it was to use the One Power. 

 

Aes Sedai were meddlesome witches, using the One Power to their own whims when they should have known better.  It was the one power that had broken the world, and Katiana wanted no part with breaking the world again.  She didn't want to have any part of ruining the lives of unwilling girls like that Aes Sedai had done to her.  Katiana had thrown herself into working for the old witch with a will that would have amazed anyone who had come to know her in the short time she'd been in the Tower.  She didn't clean and organize and run errands because she had any love of the woman, it was because she wouldn't stand to be in her presence.  The Aes Sedai seemed to think she was settling in fine and just this morning had even asked her if she was happy - happy - that she'd been brought to the Tower.

 

Let her think what she wished.  Katiana wasn't visiting Larindhra Sedai every morning before breakfast to tell the woman how happy she was with life in the Tower.  She scrubbed her face with a cloth and went back to her room, marking by the light that the other novices should be finishing dinner soon.  Most of the novices would have classes and chores after dinner.  Katiana had been sent to her room after she had finished her chores.  One had a bit more free time when you didn't get to eat dinner for three days.  She flopped back down onto her bed, this time staring at a tiny hole in the wall that must lead to another Novice room.  For just a moment she lost herself in pretending that the hole was a path back to Tear, and all she had to do to escape this place was to make herself tiny and follow it to her freedom.

 

She had no freedom and it made her even sadder to think about it.  She hadn't held the source since that day in Jerinia Accepted's class.  But she had another class with the same Accepted coming up very soon, one in which she was sure she would have to touch the source again.  As much as Katiana wished she could be free of the source and free of having to deal with all of this, as much as she wished she could just leave the tower and go home, she was almost as sure of one thing.  She wanted to learn to channel not so she could burn herself out.  She wanted to learn to channel because she wanted to feel the source again.

 

She startled upright on her bed, kneeling, as the door opened.  With a dismissive scowl she greeted the girl with an imperious "You there, Pig Girl.  What are you doing back in the room so soon after dinner?  Don't you have chores to do?"

[Jay Solace]

Azalia wasn't really raised to suffer foolishness.  She had seven brothers, that would have amounted to a lot of sufferin'.  While her Dad had always tended to her and tried to make sure that his only daughter wasn't picked on overly so, there was a lot of time when Dad wasn't around and there was even more time when Azalia decided that if someone was going to stand up for herself, it may as well be herself.  While she'd never been quick to come to blows, she'd never been willing to take abuse neither.  But after a half-dozen words with the uppity Katiana, Azalia had come to realize that the other girl was just sort of built uppity from the inside out. You might even say Katiana was uppity all the way down. Bothering to get mad with her would be like wasting anger on a hog for being bristle-backed.

 

Besides Azalia had never really been around someone raised up so pampered and it was downright fascinating in it own way.  Still, she couldn't hardly let "Pig-Girl" go without a poke back. "It's amazing how fast you can get your chores done when you're used to doing them yourself,  Gorgeous."

 

Azalia folded her arms behind her head and flashed the other girl a grin. "What's wrong with you? You look even madder than usual."

 

[Quisalas Selene]

Katiana hated Azalia, but the thing she hated the most about the Andoran girl was that she couldn't hate her.  It drove her absolutely batty how the girl could just smile and let Kati's anger just roll off of her like she didn't mean it.  Katiana wanted to mean every bit of her anger but she just couldn't hold onto it anymore.  Guilt was stronger.

 

She swung her feet to the floor, put her elbows on her knees and dropped her chin into her hands.  In a voice that was scarcely above a whisper and lacking all of the venom that she had always shown to her roommate, she whispered.  "I'm afraid to channel."

[Jay Solace]

The whole thought of channeling was  pretty terrifying, Azalia would be lying to herself to deny that, but the excitement of it all took the edge off for her.  It looked like she'd had to file a few edges off Kati, too. "I can tell," she said as she strolled over to Kati's side. "You just sort of let your anger out all over the place."

 

"Oh! You mean the Source!" Azalia said, pretending that comprehension was just now dawning. Her grey eyes widened with mock surprise, but not enough to give the impression that she was making fun of her roommate.  Katiana was prickly alright, but that didn't mean there was any reasont o try to purposefully make things any worse between them.  Half the time when Azalia tried to fun with someone she got the most sincerely offended reactions!  Everyone needed a little fun once in a while.  She affectionately swung her hip and bumped into Kati's side. "Yes, I suppose that is a little intimidating."

 

"For the common-folk."

[Quisalas Selene]

"I am most certainly not common folk, Azalia Switt!  You should know that very well." Katiana huffed, letting herself use the opening Azalia gave her as a way to get her mind off of the miserable experience in Jerinia's class.  Not that thinking about her nobility, or technical lack of it, was much better.  But she hadn't gone into the details of the fact that she was supposed to marry into nobility with Azalia.  The fewer people who knew the truth about that, the less she would have to admit it to herself.  "I could understand you being worried about using the One Source, you're just a swineherd.  But I was a powerful noble well before I ever came to the Tower."

 

In a quieter voice she continued. "I don't need to become one of those meddlesome witches and give up my morality to gain power.  I had it all at my fingertips already."

[Jay Solace]

"You've got morals?  Burn it! Just when I was starting to like you, too." There weren't many people she couldn't grow to like eventually, and Katiana was just so... Katiana.  The girl was so high falutin' that she was almost a parody of what people expected a noble woman in training to be.  She'd decided days ago that most of it was just the way she was raised and there wasn't a whole lot a person could do about the way they were raised.  Azalia dropped onto the mattress to sit at Kati's side, offering an encouraging smile. A lifetime of attacking smudged faces, mussed hair, and torn seams wouldn't let Azalia keep her hands to herself and she began to fussily tuck back a few stray tresses of Kati's hair as she spoke, "I didn't know we were really here for power.  It's not why I'm here, at least."

[Quisalas Selene]

Katiana didn't move away from Azalia's ministrations, something that would strike her as odd when she thought back on it later.  She was surprised to find that as the girl helped make her more presentable, she felt a little bit better too.  She lifted her chin from her hands and turned to look directly to Azalia, a warming intensity in her eyes.  "Why are you here, Azalia?  No one forced you to come, like they did with me.  No one ruined your life at the only place you had ever called home.  Why did you decide to become an Aes Sedai?"

 

Katiana surprised herself at the painful twist her heart took when she asked the question.  She didn't probe the feeling, she didn't want to think about the fact that she might be so desperately searching for a reason to excuse using the one power, to make it okay.

[Jay Solace]

"I did it to meet girls." Azalia smiled an waggled her eyebrows, letting the words sink in for Kati, letting the rich girl notice their close proximity on the bed, as Azalia's hand slipped from the Terran's hair to rest gently on the nape of her neck.

 

Katiana's jaw dropped and she stared for a long moment.  Once Azalia had gotten the appropriate look of shock, she was seeking, Azalia's grinned turned into a laugh and she gave the other girl a playful shove. "All levity aside. That is a bit of the truth."  Katiana's skin prickled into goosebumps, especially where Azalia's hand was touching her neck and she looked like she was willing to kill the other girl when she laughed.

 

"My family's all boys and I - I had to take care of them after my mother died.  Especially my father.  I think I -  I think I lost a lot of being a girl.  I didn't have any real friends that weren't related to me or didn't want to take a break from friendship to sneak kisses." Azalia paused at that point to affectionately nudge her elbow into Kati's side. "Not that, that has to stop, Gorgeous."

 

"What better place to learn how to be a woman's woman than the White Tower?  And I want to learn a lot of other things too.  I barely know how to write.  And these Aes Sedai never seem to want for a meal..."  As she realized that she was prattling a bit, Azalia shrugged and smiled at Kati. "So, there you have me."

[Quisalas Selene]

Katiana laughed, a melodious and delightful noise that she hadn't made since she was shuffled onto the boat for the long trip to Tar Valon.  She laughed warmly and richly, enjoying Azalia's banter in a way she hadn't ever enjoyed the false but pretty friendship of the girls back home.  She lifted a hand and brushed the tears back from her eyes, a lot of the tension in her relaxing and easing away as the playful sniping of their acquaintance softened into something that might actually be friendship.  "I've kissed Anigo before.  He was to be my husband." She looked skyly at Azalia from beneath lowered lashes, but then continued.  "He was the noble.  I wasn't.  But I was going to be."  She fetched a loud sigh and leaned against Azalia's side, resting her cheek on the other girl's shoulder. 

 

She was silent for a long moment, but it was a silence pregnant with importance.  There was very clearly something Katiana wanted to say but that she had to work her way up to it.  When one has been unkind to someone for weeks now, it wasn't easy to try to make things better.  "I can... help you learn to write, Azalia.  And to become more ladylike.  You really do have lovely bone structure, if you highlighted it right, you could be gorgeous all on your own."

 

Katiana would never deny her own beauty.  Friendship was great and wonderful, but she had been brought up to be truthful, of course.

[Jay Solace]

Azalia slipped her arms around Kati and squeezed her into a gentle, first-class, swineherd's hug. "Thanks, Kati."  Azalia found herself wondering how a bone structure looked lovely but she wasn't going to own up to her ignorance.  These were the kinds of things she had come to the Tower partly to learn.  How to make bone structures look lovely, heck, how to tell if a bone structure could be lovely!  She knew using the gift the Creator had given her in being able to learn to channel  "I think I prefer being jaw-dropping tasty to gorgeous tho.' I've got the rump for it and it don't even need highlights."

 

She stood up, jut out a hip, and gave herself a pat on the behind. "And I'll try to help you be likable!" She smiled. "You've got the uh...You've got um... the room-mate for it!"

[Quisalas Selene]

Katiana felt something tight and uncomfortable in her heart and stood up to hug Azalia and held tight onto her for a moment.  Azalia wanted to become an Aes Sedai, and she wasn't a bad person.  Maybe it would be possible for Katiana to learn to channel without becoming a bad person too.  She almost whispered the words thank you but at the last moment her pride wouldn't let her give into it and she just gave her a tighter squeeze before letting her go again.

 

"Let's go wash up before Sarena gets here and we all have to turn in and go to bed.  I couldn't abide having her see me hugging you and think I'd decided that I liked this place."  Quietly in her heart she wondered if she could ever like this place.  But maybe if she couldn't like the place or like what she had to become, she could like the people she was with.

[Jay Solace]

Azalia agreed and the two of them left the room together to go to the baths.  They didn't really have enough time for a proper bath every day, usually washing up at a basin in the morning and evening was all a tired novice could spare the energy for, but because both of them had gotten to the baths while most girls were still finishing up dinner and seeing to their last chores or classes, they were afforded this small luxury today.  As they soaked in the cramped tubs, heated by fire they had to stoke themselves as channeling was forbidden to unsupervised novices, Azalia pondered the change she'd seen in her roommate tonight and wondered how she might change, too.  She closed her eyes and tried to imagine herself as an Aes Sedai, regal and serene and refined and beautiful.  She enjoyed the fantasy for a few moments until it was spoiled by the appearance of a stalk of grass between the lovely woman's lips.  She barked a laugh that had most Aes Sedai who heard it cringing at her lack of ladylike behavior and then gave a lopsided grin at it. 

 

She waved away Katiana's curious look and then relaxed back into the tub again, briefly reveling in one of the brief respites from the hard constant work of a Novice's day.  It was all too soon that they heard the generally quiet noises of Novices returning to their rooms and using the privies and as Azalia stood up out of the water and began to dry herself, she saw that she'd have to wake Katiana up in order to get her back to her room.  The pampered priss had fallen fast asleep in the tub.