The Hornsounder - Volume 2, Edition 7

[Lanette]

[Lanette]

 

 

A Difference in Armies

By Footman (Lieutenant-Captain, Infantry Regiment)

 

 

As I re-read the WoT series, I noticed the part where Mat is marching The Band of the Red Hand from Cairhien down to Tear for Rand’s mad plan to take Illian. In that chapter, Mat talks about wanting to get an outrageous distance done for the day. Afterwards the army would have to build a palisade. This got me thinking about modern armies (and my own experiences) and ancient armies. I did a quick search of ancient armies, and just how fast they could move. Back before automobiles, plains, trains, and helicopters the troops walked. Sure the cavalry and officers had horses, but by-and-large they walked. Doing a tiny bit of research, I found the typical ancient army could cover 12 miles (19.3 km) in a day, depending on terrain. Roman soldiers were expected to cover 25 miles (40.2 km) a day with about 50 (22.7 kg) pounds of gear. Now, reading this is something completely different than doing it.

 

While I was serving in the U.S. Army, I was stationed at Ft. Campbell, KY and assigned to Delta Company, 3/327th Infantry Regiment. I was at the peak of my physical abilities at this time. Every Friday we would road march 6 miles (9.7 km) in about an hour and 20 minutes. Then twice a month we would do a 15 mile (24.1 km) road march. That’s about 54 miles (87 km) a month. We walked a lot (it’s what the Infantry does besides digging latrines and foxholes). Now on these road marches we carried our full combat load: ruck sack, an M-4 with M203 grenade launcher, ammo vest and helmet which all weighs about 70-80 pounds (31.8-36.3 kg). I was rather lucky, and didn’t have extra gear, such as a radio or mortar base plate.

 

All that leads up to the 25 mile road march we did one summer. Our pace was to be a grueling 3 miles an hour with a 10 minute break every hour. I say grueling because normal road march pace should be 4 miles an hour with maybe one or two breaks. Instead of doing 25 miles in just under 7 hours it is now just under 10 hours of carrying 70 plus pounds. In road marching, the faster you go the better off you are. Also, you should never drop your pack unless you have to. At each break, we were required to drop packs and at the half way point we had to remove our boots for foot inspection. Whoever thought that up should be shot.

 

Now, the ancients did it every day when on the move. Wake up, tear down camp, walk 25 miles, set up camp, go to sleep, repeat. Once in a while fight at the end of the march. These guys wore sandals and had uneven terrain to march across while in formation! My regiment did it one time, with solid, broken-in boots, and had smooth, paved roads to march on. Of the 852 troops that started, 525 finished. Only 400 finished in the position they started (didn’t fall back at all, but kept the intended pace). I fell back at 21 miles, but finished 20 minutes later than my unit. After the road march, only about one quarter of the regiment were considered “fit to fightâ€! Now, I know that if we did it everyday we wouldn’t have these problems, but for a modern army unit to be that way compared to soldiers from a few thousand years ago astounds me! I finished that ordeal and had blood coming out of the small vent holes in my boots from the blisters that had formed, broken, and reformed into blood blisters, just to be broken again. I couldn’t walk for three days afterwards. I am truly amazed and awed by the ancient armies that were able to walk those distances, and pity those poor troops. I am also amazed at how soft humans have become over all.

 

If it came to a knock down, drag out fight between the typical military unit of today and an equal number of Roman troops from back in the day after a forced march, I’d say the Romans would win hands down even with the advanced weapons we have at our disposal.

 

P.02

[Lanette]

 

 

August's JotS Contest topic was "Corki as Morgase", a comparison that's beed discussed and accepted in the Band as...well, correct! And the winner this month was Option 04, submitted by Jimmith, which bagged 11 out of 17 votes! See for yourselves the reason why:

 

 

The Queen of Andor fair and tall

A closer look though might appal

For if you peep beneath her shawl

You'll scream for Jak o' the Shadows

 

But wait! It's not an ugly hag

It's MG Corki dresses in drag

You shouldn't laugh or you might snag

A dance with Jak o' the Shadows

 

 

 

Now, what did I tell ya?? Great job, Jimi!

 

The others who submitted verses for the Contest were: Sheli – Option 01; Spacey – Option 02 and Shauna – Option 03. Thank you guys and good work, all of you!

 

 

p.03

[Lanette]

 

 

Dancing With Jak o' the Shadows

by Froix (Captain, Cavalry Regiment)

 

 

Struck with dreams of honor and glory

I signed with the Band of the Red Hand army

All I've cared for, I've left behind me

Waiting for my dance with Jak o' the Shadows

 

Time passed slowly, a month has passed

My training's done, the dye is cast

I've made my choice, It won't be the last

Waiting for my dance with Jak o' the Shadows

 

Talks of battle then caught my ear

The Shadow's beasts are somewhere near

Half man, half beast they say, I fear

Waiting for my dance with Jak o' the Shadows

 

Just as I thought my dreams would rot

We marched to where most men dare not

Staying clear of the Trolloc's cookpot

We danced with Jak o' the Shadows

 

Running on hooves and bearing tusks

Led by horsemen with sightless masks

The battle raged from dawn till dusk

We danced with Jak o' the Shadows

 

Strength for strength, steel for steel

We met the beasts with boundless zeal

Into the dance we made our kill

We danced with Jak o' the shadows

 

As we were outnumbered ten to one

We fought as though we would lose none

My dreams of glory I fear were gone

As we danced with Jak o' the Shadows

 

And as I fought like a madman crazed

A dark cloud formed from a mystic haze

A man came forth with an eyeless gaze

As dark as Jak o' the Shadows

 

With sword in hand, I stood my ground

The Shadowspawn made not a sound

I moved to meet the shadow's hound

As I danced with Jak o' the Shadows

 

I hacked and slashed as I forced him back

I seemed to have the Dark one's luck

As I crossed blades with the man in black

In my dance with Jak o' the Shadows

 

As our dance ended, I was left standing

Tired and weary but glad to be breathing

I looked around me, The battle was ending

As we dance with Jak o' the Shadows

 

Darkness came as the last beast fell

The men seemed freed from a gripping spell

Cheers must've been heard from here to hell

As the men started singing Jak o' the Shadows

 

"A song and a dance for me tonight,

And a good strong drink while there's no light,

But give me a holler if there's a fight,

I'll dance with Jak o' the Shadows"

 

 

P.04

[Lanette]

 

 

Manriva Meets The Grand Wazoo

By Auld Manriva (Lieutenant, Cavalry Regiment)

 

 

Many years ago while wandering the deserted island I had washed up on I stumbled across a man. Literally stumbled on as he had his boney old legs stretched out across the small animal trail I was using to wander.This startled both of us nearly out of our minds as he was napping and I was tracking lunch and wasn't expecting a guest.

 

He called himself the Grand Wazoo and over the next minutes we struck up a lifelong friendship. He told me of his life as a used ship salesman and I told him of mine as, wonder of wonders, a used ship sailor. We had a Grand time and as the sun started to set he said to me... "Dude! You wanna see my crib?" This sounded like a plan, so off we went trudging across the tundra mile after mile right up to the mouth of a small cave, which we entered. Not liking caves much since in my experience you generally took a step down the food chain I was expecting the worst and not at all what I got.

 

We entered to a small well appointed room with mirrored stand lamps and Tiren rugs, beautifully tie dyed Tarabonner slip covers,draped ever so carefully over a circular couch with a backrest of sorts sticking up in the middle."Amazing what washes up on the beach ain't it son" he said proudly. Two shiny metal doors slid open into the nearest wall as he pushed a button next to them and a small bell rung like an idea light going off above my head. "Bet you never saw one a' these" he said with a half face smile. He said it was called a' lift' and was from the Age of Legends.We began to plummet downwards and my stomach began a clumsy gymnastics floor routine. "It is 99 and 99/100ths percent pure trouble tryin' to keep this thing running" he said and grumbled about there being no lift mechanics anymore. Whatever those were. As we kept falling he asked "You ever think about a career change, I could use a bright Lad like you"? I said I hadn't, and white knuckled the brass rail at my side thanking the Light I hadn't actually caught and eaten lunch.

 

After what seemed like days we lurched to a stop and stepped out of the lift into a place I had never imagined. "Here we are my boy, the Nether Regions of the Nether World by the shores of Flaming Lake GicheeGoomee. Indeed, there was a lake on fire right before my eyes. Seeing the bewilderment on my mugg, The Grand Wazoo said "My Boy, the ethereal beings can hurl their lightnings, level the occasional mountain, fling raging storms about and such but it would all come to naught were it not for me. You see this is the worlds septic field and I Am The Plumber. Those fires consume the gaseous emissions that would tear this globe apart were they allowed to build up. My purpose in the universe is to keep those fires going. But enough of that, let's go to the crib". With that he turned and walked away from the lake and I followed.

 

We soon arrived at a nice split level ranch, beautifully landscaped and well kept. Stepping inside I saw tastefully decorated rooms, nothing being too overdone nor too stark. I thought to myself, I'll bet there is a Womans' hand in this. The instant I thought it, she walked into the room. The most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Raven black hair to her waist, eyes like clear blue skies, gracefully arched brows, a complexion smooth as silk, slender and as tall as The Grand Wazoo and I. "Muffy, this is...Son I've not asked your name" the old man said with a grin. Making as graceful a leg as I knew how I said "M'lady I am R..Ri..Riva", I stuttered,"and I am blessed to be in your presence". "Indeed you are blessed R..Ri..Riva" she laughed softly back to me. Her laugh sounded like crystal bells."Gran...have you told the young man why he is here?" Sheepishly the old man said,"No ma Chere not exactly".

 

I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that. "Riva lad I told you of my purpose, but not the whole story. You see, there are thousands of Plumbers like me all around the Universe, on every world and every time. And we have a Union and I've brought you here to join" he said. I didn't like his grin."Do I have a Choice?" " Not really" he went on,"there are great benefits my boy and only two small drawbacks. When I retire, You'll have to stay here eternally or until you're able to retire and you must suffer the loss of something of yourself which you can do without. " Hhmmm, how bout' my pride I suggested". Chuckling The Wazoo said " I've not seen much of that in you lad, I was thinking something more ... tangible. "How about my left second TOE! It is the longest". Laughing heartily Muffy said "That will do just fine Riva, now Gran go and draw up the paperwork you old thief and I'll mark the young man".

 

"YOU"LL WHAT".

 

"Mark you Riva now relax" she said as she gazed into my eyes. "I must see the inner you. Each mark is the same yet different as each man is... There I have it!" she exclaimed..."Now stop your grinnin' and drop your linen, this goes on your backside," she said with a smirk.

 

Not having a choice I did as told and she proceeded to tatoo my hind end. I clenched my jaws as I was not going to embarrass myself anymore than I had already. It seemed an eternity but The Grand Wazoo returned shortly with a parchment document and she was done at the same time. "Riva thats a grand tatoo" said The Grand Wazoo.I looked down at my right flank and saw a silver monkeys head with one eye winking. "What's he winking at" I asked. "He only appears to be winking, thats your personal cosmic spirit sign in his left eye". Muffy explained and held a mirror to my right flank. "See, not a wink but The Three Stooges. And look, they point to the three directions of Time, forward, backward and sideways. This is your contract" she said handing me the parchment. "Tell Riva the rest Gran", she said.

 

"My Boy", said the Grand Wazoo. "Today you have a new purpose and a new name. From this day forward your name is....Auld Manriva. You just keep rollin along...I like that.That on your rear end is the Monkey Head Tatoo of the Brotherhood of Plumbers. It is a ter angreal done in silver cuendillar ink and can never be removed. With it you will continue to age but slowly and stop aging when you come here and replace me when I retire. You'll know when the time comes. Also with that mark you are invulnerable,impenetrable,impervious,inscrutable, to sticks,stones, One Power,True Power,falling volcanoes, meteorites,ska-tellites and all manner of cosmic debris including but not limited to dorks,forks,storks and sporks,jingle sticks,jingle bells,tinker bells and hells bells. You cannot be harmed with that mark, nor can you do harm with it activated. Here is the part I like the best. To turn it on or off you simply have to scratch your hind end. Nice huh?It can do all that because Muffy is not just my mate and the most beautiful tatooist in the universe she is The Kosmik Muffin. One a' those ethereal beings I was talkin' about. The Creator and the Patroness of the Brotherhood of Plumbers. One day lad you will be the Grand Wazoo here and maybe she will take a liking to you". He finished with a wink and a grin.

 

I was hornswaggled.......Then, I woke up ...and my hind end hurt.

 

 

 

THE MONKEY HEAD TATTOO

 

 

P.05

[Lanette]

 

 

 

 

How to Shoe a Horse

By Aiotanga (Raw Recruit)

 

 

First step: procure a horse. Preferable a live horse and not a sawhorse, seahorse, rocking horse or a horse voice from far too much drunken singing. If unable to legally get a horse, one should then buy a brew for someone who is able to 'borrow' a horse. Like the famous Band member Vanin who was able to actually steal (I mean borrow) a horse without the noble riding it noticing the horse was gone. It would also help if the horse had four legs, although if it only had three it would cut down on the shoeing time.

 

Second step: Get drunk. Get the horse drunk. The bonding experience of drinking together will help if one should accidentally miss a hoof and impale somewhere much more sensitive. Remember to get the horse to cover its fair share of rounds. Don't let those flaming horse tricks hit you in the pocket!

 

Third step: Because one is far too drunk to actually do any shoeing oneself, pull out the dice and challenge a farrier to a match. Now, if one should accidentally lose the horse to the farrier, it can actually be a positive. 'Cause the farrier will probably shoe the horse anyway. And then all one has to do is 'borrow' the horse back.

 

Voila! the A'iotanga method of horse shoeing in 3 easy steps, well quick steps, actually running steps because there are probably a few angry farriers, noblemen, and a hungover horse chasing you.

 

Alternative method: Pay someone who actually knows what they are doing to shoe the horse.

 

 

 

P.06

[Lanette]

 

 

 

Hairy Leg Contest Ends in a Clean Brush!

By Spacey (Lieutenant-Captain, Infantry Regiment)

 

 

Earlier this month a discussion began about who in the band might have the hairiest legs. After much debate, cat calling, and personal horn tooting a contest was initiated. Five contestants entered into this hairy contest, their legs standing by the ready.

 

Cumadrin, Ranger in the Archers, former Under Commander, and fur covered favorite was the first to enter this follicle debacle. Flexing his overdeveloped leg hair, Cuma strutted around the contest with an air of royalty confident there were no contestants that could even hold a comb to his shaggy thighs.

 

Jimmith, Sharpshooter in the Archers, and recent addition to the band was a strong contender with his forcibly strandy legs. All said and done, would the graphic designer be able to topple the other contenders chances to win?

 

Colmana, Longbowman in the Archers, and another recent addition to the band entered the competition obviously out of training. His legs had hair on them, but nothing more than an infant trolloc could muster.

 

Lord Horn, our beloved Executive Officer, and Ozzie, another Ranger in the Archers and current Red Arm, rounded out the field in this contest with lackluster, almost baby smooth, legs. It is the opinion of this reporter that they were there simply to quell their exhibitionist tendencies.

 

In the end, the results were not surprising as Cumadrin swept the field with a commanding 7 of the 11 votes. Jimmith finished trailing badly with only 3 votes. Colmana managed a paltry 1 vote. While Lord Horn and Ozzie danced around shaking their shiny legs receiving no votes at all.

 

 

 

 

 

P.07

[Lanette]

 

 

 

Horseshoes - a Game of Luck?

By Colmana (Sergeant, Archer Regiment)

 

 

Well, horseshoes may be associated and known as signs of good fortune and luck, but in the game of fortune there is nothing of such. The game itself is a game of skill, where the better player shall be the winner.

 

The basics of the game are that it is a two player game. It may also be played with two teams of two players each. The field consists of (usually) two stakes and four horseshoes, where each player alternately tosses their two horseshoes.

 

The game usually starts with a coin toss, and the winner throws his/her two horseshoes, then the other player takes their turn. It continues alternating until a player reaches a certain amount of points, commonly 21.

 

The way to score points can happen one of two ways. The first is to score what is known as a ringer, which is getting the horseshoe onto the stake. The second and more common way is to get it within the closest proximity to the stake.

 

Points are given as follows:

- The horseshoe nearest to the stake within 6 inches counts one point

- If both of one player's horseshoes are closer than the opponent's, two points

- A ringer scores three points

- A leaner, which is the horseshoe leaning on the stake, counts as one point.

 

But these rules are the most common. There may be modified versions, the players can choose when they play for fun. In tournament play, the common rules are used.

 

Now, whether ye are standing around the stables doing nothing (which you shouldn’t be!!) or in the mood for some tense competition, the one game for you to play is this…Horseshoes!

 

 

 

 

P.08

[Lanette]

 

 

 

Infant’s Row – August

By Woolhead (Captain, Infantry Regiment)

 

 

So here we are then; another month has come and gone and as usual new members have joined the fray. Actually, this month I believe we welcomed only a single new member to the regiment and as such, I would like to extend my personal welcome to Taymist. I am sure you will fit right in and have a great time with the good ol’ boys… and girls…I guess… but mostly boys!

 

Oh right! I guess I should also welcome Footman back eh? Well alright, it’s awesome to have you back, Footy, and now it looks like we can once again let the good times roll!

 

Naturally, several promotions have also taken place this month… atleast… I assume so!

I don’t really care enough to actually look; it isn’t anything against those of us that DID get promoted, it is just that in terms of this article I do not think anyone actually cares to know who did, or did not, get points!

 

Well, that is really pretty much the end of news out of the Infantry this month. Of course, we had a tonne of recruits rolling into town (and then out again and straight to the Cavalry), so that brought about the regular excitement and energy that goes with the system. Also, I am glad to say that there has been considerably less “anger†within the regiment this month and things are running much more smoothly (the upper-ups have NOT had to step in again! ).

 

Okay. Now I realize that those of you who read my article last month may be expecting some material of some comedic value once again this month; however, I actually have a serious topic I would like to discuss, so it looks like I will have to forgo the jokes this time around. Sorry for the disappointment!

 

So now you must REALLY wonder what the hell I’m talking about…

I am warning you that the following is entirely my personal opinion; I do not expect you to agree or like what I say, it is simply just it as I see it. I could say that I don’t care what anybody thinks, but that would be a lie. As it is, I don’t know whether to go on or just delete the last two paragraphs and move on in simplicity. However, now you can see that I, with the assistance of others, have clearly made my decision.

 

Why would anyone choose to switch their regiment? Oh and to deflect criticism number one, let me tell you that I am well aware that switching regiments is a fairly rare occurrence and in the end that is not the real point of my discussion…so we’ll just leave it at that for now! Ok, the obvious, and most simple, response is that the person who switched simply decided that they had more fun some place else. I roll my eyes at that answer merely because that should not be a reason for changing regiments at all! I mean, only a few short months ago we saw all sorts of mingling across regiments and quite frankly, it didn’t matter what regiment you were a part of or where you posted because EVERYONE was EVERYWHERE (Yeah I know some less-involved members have always only posted within their regiment, but you get my point.)!

 

As it is now, when members go to post in foreign regiments (and that is what they have become), they feel like they are out of place and intruding on others’ territory! WTF, how the hell did THAT happen?! Oh, wait a second… I know exactly how it happened. What was once an environment in full bloom, filled with interaction between regiments and fun for all, has become a centralized corporation that resembles a business atmosphere far more than it does a social community!

 

Let’s face it; with the current “barriers†in place the Band has turned into something like three completely different countries. Oh however temporary they might be, these countries even have free-trade agreements in which two different regiments might in fact have some sort of event going on that involves more than just THEMSELVES!

Of course there are the general boards…let me see here…let’s call that the annual G8 meeting between countries; even though members from ALL regiments post there, the interaction that actually takes place in the general boards between regiments is lacking to say the least!

 

So why is this the case and how did it happen? Well, I’m sure what has become an arms race for raw recruits doesn’t help! That, in addition to recent regimental competitions and a lack of involved and active leadership has gone a long way in creating the separation we now see between regiments.

 

First let me tell you what I mean when I say the regimental competitions have contributed to the problem…

Simply put, some people just take the whole thing WAY too seriously!!! Honestly, losing the competition is not a good excuse to be bitter and hold resentment towards the other regiments…what are we here, little 6 year olds?!?! I mean, WOW!! That is just ridiculous! Grow up!

 

Now…as for leadership, if there is one thing I have come to realize while thinking out and writing this article over the last couple days it is that being a “leader†in the Band is NOT just about the mod powers! I honestly did not fully realize this until just now…but being one of these “leaders†of the Band actually carries some seriously heavy responsibility, which most people these days seem to ignore. Despite how this sounds, I am not trying to point fingers; it is just the simple truth. Through no single person’s fault, these barriers have been built and whether we like to admit it or not, serious animosity exists between regiments. To fix this problem, it needs to come from the top of the chain and the last that I checked, that’s where the leaders sit. Therefore, the responsibility rests with you to get on top of this and FIX things; I am just here to open some eyes! Enough of the political nonsense, let’s just get back to having fun and being a single (key word there being “singleâ€) community!

 

You can bash and disregard me all you want, but I can guarantee you that I am not alone in this and ignoring me will do nothing to change the status quo. If you haven’t yet noticed, this whole thing has pissed me the hell off! When I joined the Infantry I did so because at that time it didn’t matter where your friends were or where you “felt comfortableâ€; I joined because in the Infantry I felt I could help them out and make a difference. But now, because of the lack of freedom I feel I have in entering other regiments I am beginning to regret that decision, and believe me, I’m not the only one considering some sort of switch!

 

So… I have done what I thought I could and now it rests with you.

Sadly, and I DO mean sadly, this may indeed be the last time you see me writing for the good ol’ boys. In fact, by this time next month it is quite possible that I will be the one sitting on the other side of the fence looking back in on you guys. It has truly been a privilege and I am sorry that it had to come to this.

 

Hey Guys…wake up…

 

This is all supposed to be fun, right?

 

Thanks for your time,

Wooly

 

 

 

P.09

[Lanette]

 

 

Never Dance with an Ogre

By Vorkia (Lieutenant-Captain, Archer Regiment)

 

 

Kieran caught in the act of destruction

I attempted my art of seduction

Just to be targeted for abduction

Tricked by Jak O’ the Shadows

 

With the amulet he did wear

He changed into an ogre unaware

Scooping me up without a care

To chain me like Jak O’ the Shadows

 

He carried me off to his Ogre’s glen

With spells and enchantments to keep me in

And like an animal he kept me penned

As bait for Jak O’ the Shadows

 

The archers minion came at last

To save me from the ogres grasps

They sat and talked about the past

As I waited to be stew for Jak O’ the Shadows

 

Suddenly without much adieu

The ogres became a set of two

Arguing how to prepare Vork stew

Caught by Jak O’ the Shadows

 

Plan after plan of my escape had failed

When thought I was free, the ogres prevailed

Being recaptured, I could have wailed

To sup with Jak O’ the Shadows

 

When at last I thought I was free

I destroyed the jewel that belonged to Kie

Together we decided to flee

Saving me from Jak O’ the Shadows

 

Our freedom was only short lived

As we were captured and tossed like a kid

Back into the stewpot with a tight lid

Cursing Jak O’ the Shadows

 

The Red Ogre decided to nap

On the cork I decided to tap

And freed myself from his vicious trap

Evading Jak O’ the Shadows

 

Untying Kie from the spit

We saw the Red Ogre take a sit

The amulet we had to get

Before facing Jak O’ the Shadows

 

Stealing the amulet we had returned

With a lesson we had both learned

Never should an Ogre should we spurned

Learning from Jak O’ the Shadows

 

 

P.10

[Lanette]

 

 

 

How I Was Lost To Darkness - The Story of A Lost Comrade

By Stormy Rayne (Raw Recruit)

 

 

It was a day like most, after a hard day of working the forge i went into the nearby forest to gather wild mushrooms and onions to go with the Pheasant i had hanging in the kitchen, i found a patch of mushrooms as big as would fill the forge, i stooped to pick them when out of the corner of my eye i saw a shadow, turning to get a better look i was hit hard by something fluid yet as hard as the rock i mined, as i blacked out i heard a high pitched voice laugh in triumph, then everything went dark.

 

I awoke what felt like several hours later to pitch blackness, as i try to move i realize that i am chained to what felt like a stone chair, as i struggled to free myself i found it to be know use, the chains wouldn't budge, who ever made the chains did good work, in my case too good, as i sat chained to the chair i heard a door open and then footsteps come towards me, and as if i was opening my eyes for the first time bright light flooded the room to show bright red and gold tapestries hung on the wall and shelf upon shelf of jars and other sorts of containers with powders and floating things in liquid, the room was filled with a smell, the same smell one would find after a war, the very smell of blood, rotting flesh, and death.

 

I finished scanning the room and looked upon the face of my hooded captor, he was in a cloak of deepest crimson, the very shade that mimiced the blood in my veins, he took down his hood and to my surprise he was a she, has her hood fell to her shoulders i saw her raven black hair lick her snow white pale cheek, she came closer and looked me in the eye, i shivered as i stared into then and within seconds my body started to go numb and i felt sleepy, as i fell asleep i started to dream, a dream of death and darkness, being chased by monster and creatures of the night, i ran but they seemed to always get closer and closer.

 

And so was my life until one day when four months pasted, a woman carrying a shield with the Band crest was rumored to have been seen in a tavern only two towns away, i still being in my dark dream never heard this, days pasted now and the rumors of her whereabouts were getting closer, she was now just the next town over, new rumors had arisen that she was looking for her friend, a tall man of stocky build with hair the color of the copper they mine.

 

Another day pasted when there was a knock at the door, in walked Sheli our faithful nurse of the Band, she withdrew her sword and continued to search the seemingly empty castle, when out of nowhere Sheli is surrounded by a pillar of flames and my captor appears.

 

"Who are you to come here uninvited?" she said with anger in her voice'

 

"I am Sheliara of the Band of the Red Hand, here to take back my friend!" Sheli exclaimed.

 

"And who may i ask are you" Sheli looked at her with a look of puzzlement on her face.

 

"I am Stouvial Moonshadow of Shayol Ghul and you can never have him back, he will remain here forever as my slave!" Stouvial said with an evil laugh.

 

With a glint of anger in her eyes Sheli jumped through the fire and lunged at Stouvial, the blood coursing through her veins at that very moment could have melted the armor she was wearing had her blood been spilled upon it, a mighty battle cry could be heard throughout the castle as the two of them began to brawl, Sheli slashing at Stouvial with everything she's got realizing that if she can't get her friend back from this cheap channeler that all is lots, as the battle ensues Sheli turns around after hearing a noise behind her hoping to catch her new attacker before they had a chance to get her, she turned as quick as a wink to see nothing but shadows created by the torches on the walls, just she started to turn back and finish this fight once and for all Stouvial conjured a mighty energy bolt and threw it in Sheli's direction, Sheli dodged just in time but was hit a paralyzing blow as the edge of the energy bolt nicked her arm, falling to her knees in agony she looked up to see Stouvial walking over to stand atop her.

 

"You Red Hand weakling, you will never be able to defeat me, I'm all powerful" Stouvial cackled in triumph

 

"I'm not as weak as you my think" Sheli said through gritted teeth

 

With her last bit of strength she plunged her sword deep into the stone floor at Stouvial's feet, with a loud groan the floor beneath her feet began to open as if the earth wanted to swallow her whole, as Stouvial fell she grabbed for Sheli only to grab her sword, Sheli sacrificing her sword for her friend watch as her beloved sword sank to the depths of hell, then almost as sudden as it opened the earth closed up leaving not sign that it had ever opened in the first place.

 

Staggering to get up Sheli got to her feet and raced to the second floor of the castle and searching every door she could find found me in the last one, rushing to my side she attempted to remove the chains, not being able to remove them she decided to try and wake me from my dark dreams, as she slapped my face i started to come to, happy to see her i attempted to throw my arms around her but found myself unable to.

 

"Where is the key?" she asked in a hurried manner

 

"I....I...don't know, look around the room, I'm sure it's here somewhere" he said with a groggy tone

 

She dashed over the the table and started searching among the papers.

 

"Aha i found it" she said in glee

 

running back over to the chains and removes them, grabbing stormy by the hand leads him down the stairs and out the huge oak front doors, I grab a horse from out front as Sheli hops on Syringe, joining Sheli we ride towards the rising moon and the Band Encampment.

 

 

 

P.11

[Lanette]

 

 

 

From the Horse’s Mouth….August in the Cavalry

By Twinflower (Lieutenant, Cavalry Regiment)

 

 

August was like riding a run away horse in the Cav this month!! Wow, did we have fun and stay busy!!!! The Rider’s of the Storm helped a raw recruit out of a bean stalk and walked away with the Wolphie’s chili, saved our herd from a fire in the paddocks and went for a joyful ride in the Pasture!!! And of course the occaisional bar brawl, jousts and general fun and mayhem we call family!!!!

 

The cavalry is enjoying a good increase in activity in our members. Our August roll call in the Cav had nineteen active members sign in!! That is just amazing! Of course some are more active than others, but all in all we have touched base with each other. We also welcomed five new members in August! Joining the cav were: Shauna, Manny, Shadowhelm, Bridmorgan and Son of Battles!! Congratulations to all of them on finishing their raw recruit training, and becoming members of the Band!!!! It has been wonderful to welcome these new folks home to the ranks of the Cavalry.

 

Whew!!! Raw Recruit training was wild this month! Ten raw recruits reported to the Cav, nine of who finished their training. Each of them successfully bested one of the Knight’s in the lists to win the Joust, although unfortunately none have yet won the Jousting Cup. New this month was Rogue Knight, Steel Axe, stepping up to be the Jousting Master and co ordinate the matches. If you haven’t yet been to one…you should! They are fun and we encourage you cheer on your favorite Knight or recruit!!!

 

Our raw recruits also submitted articles to the Hornsounder this month. Lots of good writing and imagination going on. It is amazing the talented people we have in the band.!!! Most of the RR’s also completed some type of scavenger hunt..either for information or hunting people! All in all a very busy time..but really fun time! We also had a great group of recruits and wish them all well in their regiment choices and life as a member of the band.

 

The Cavalry offers a unique opportunity to its member’s of being made a Knight at the promotion to cavalier. I was excited and honored to be Knighted in August and claim the official title of Lady Twinnieflower. I chose to join the Templar Order of Knights. There was another wonderful honor given to me this month. I was presented with the Cavalrys Pin of Merit. This was the first time it was presented and I was and am amazed and overwhelmed by this recognition and honor from my peers. Then..High Lord Rayden also presented me with The Templar Cross. It was and is a wonderful thing.

 

Finally, we have three new Warhorses in the Meadow! Sir Froix chose his steed, an appaloosa mare naming her Fluffles. Steel Axe chose a red quarterhorse, a rather mean gelding who is named Rusted Alloy..Rusty for short, and I chose my mount…a black Freesian stallion and named him Shadow Lover

 

That about sum’s it up for this month....stop by the Warhorse and have a bandy and some jello….we love company!!!

 

 

 

P.12

[Lanette]

 

 

Things To Do When You Are Bored

By Spacey (Lieutenant-Captain, Infantry Regiment)

 

 

I was sitting around doing nothing...ok, I was writing album reviews...talking...writing some homework...listening to music...smoking...procrastinating instead of doing laundry that is piling up...and some other things...but other than that I was really not doing much...bored really. I remembered something I used to do on the old BBS's for fun...yep...you guessed it...write stories.

 

But, I have always gotten bored writing plain old stories in plain old ways. So I cam up with something that was a little like writing a story, and a little like a puzzle. I would flip to the back of the TV Guide and take movie titles and start writing a story using as many titles as I could. It was fun, I smiled, sometimes even laughed.

 

But I realized that would be a bit taboo here since we are the "music" ORG and using movie titles would be wrong. I thought about it and decided to do it some more, but this time I would use song titles instead. I am a little rusty at it now, as I am sure you will see, but it was again fun. If you are bored and feel like doing something a little different...go ahead and try. The worst thing that will happen is you will be humiliated as people point fingers at you and giggle at your complete and utter lack of ability....

 

Here is what I came up with on try one...not much plot but fun anyway.

 

 

I knew a girl named Lola, she told me to Come Sail Away with her to Spain. I told her I had Never Been To Spain and asked if it was Urgent? She said she was a Green Eyed Lady and she would Shout At The Devil if she were Marooned there by herself. I felt like I was Livin’ on the Edge, Lost For Words, and had a Monkey On My Back but I managed to let out a Primal Scream while Smoking In The Boy’s Room; High Hopes returning to me as I thought about Girls, Girls, Girls.

 

I went to the Hoodoo Voodoo Medicine Man to try and Get A Grip, he told me to Hold On because he was playing Head Games with a Juke Box Hero right now. I picked up a copy of Holy Diver and had thoughts going through my head like Dust In The Wind.

 

I didn’t know what to do because it was taking so long. I started seeing in Double Vision so I left and looked back Cold As Ice, making my way to the office of Dr. Feelgood. I heard from a friend that had Cat Scratch Fever he was no Fly By Night doctor. Entering the waiting room one girl was Cryin, a Dirty White Boy had a Fever, and a Prisoner Of Love was mumbling something about it Feels Like The First Time. I was no Fool For The City and saw that everyone in here looked Crazy. As I went to leave, the Boogie Man in the corner jumped up and exclaimed “What Do You Want From Me!†My heart was about to Rev On The Red Line as I was Fallin’.

 

My eyes opened as Doctor Jones, Doctor Feelgood’s old girlfriend, was saying she had a Bad Day while Callin’ Baton Rouge. Apparently she had been talking to her Father Lucifer when he said he wanted to Crucify her for being such a Cornflake Girl. But she was a Survivor, she said wishing a Cowboy Would Take Me Away since she had Caught A Light Sneeze and didn’t want to give me the Orinoco Flow from treating something as simple as MMMBop.

 

I told her it was ok, I would do it My Way and Meet Virginia, she had a Crush on me, and a Man From Milwaukee just Past The Mission. They had No Strings Attached to their deal, I asked if someone would Pinch Me to make sure I wasn’t California Dreaming.

 

They were professionals though, setting me on Fire as I tried to Escape. I thought it was a Pretty Good Year up till then. I said, “I Am A Believer!†But they, Standing Outside The Fire said, “The Two Of Us don’t know What A Girl Wants.†They got in their Yellow Submarine and started to Drive but a car that looked like a Heart Shaped Box slammed into them…

 

I sighed as I got up, Silent All These Years I could Jump on a Sin Wagon anytime I wanted. I was feeling Stronger as I walked over to the wreckage and said, “That Don’t Impress Me Much!†I was so Emotional I even tried to give One of the corpses a Fat Lip.

 

But since they were dead, I knew they wouldn’t be Stealing My Kisses anymore. I said "Thank You" and I wanted to Stay, but I decided to Walk On and thank God for Unanswered Prayers.

 

 

 

P.13

[Lanette]

 

 

An Odd Monthly Review of the Archers

By Odette (Captain, Archer Regiment)

 

 

As a first order of business, and one of the most exciting, the archers welcomed a new member into their fold. Congratulations are sent out to Colmana on his excellent choice of Regiments. Not only does our new member help dispel the false belief that all the Archers are women, but he continues our monopoly on cute ruggedly handsome Aussie males.

 

As always the archers are ripping through the ranks. Jimmith has been promoted to Sharpshooter, Dragonlover has reached the rank of Markswoman, Peck that of Marksman and Lanette and Odette have both been promoted to Rangers. In addition to those promotions, three of our members have named their bows.

 

Dragonlover – Neith’s Wrath

Peck – Mindpecker

Odette – La Petite Mort

 

Of course we Archers don’t spend all our time working for points and promotions. To help unwind and loosen up, we opened up the already famous “Red Footâ€, a music and dance Nightclub for the Band of the Red Hand to enjoy. The Red Foot’s schedule is as follows:

 

Mondays: Reggae & other chill tunes

Tuesdays: Hip hop/reggaeton

Wednesdays: jazz, classical, other instrumental

Thursdays: 80's pop & funk

Fridays: Rock on!

Saturdays: Top 40

Sundays: Singalong Sunday! Everyone's favorite showtunes.

 

Everyone is of course welcome and encouraged to join the fun.

http://botrh.proboards36.com/index.cgi?board=Archers&action=display&thread=1156190381

 

In other news, according to some sources, Cuma is awesome. The validity of those sources is somewhat suspect however it is known that Cuma took first place in the Band’s first Hairy Legs competition. I’m not sure what the requirements were for winning, however one can assume that the contestants were graded on hair length, thickness, volume and of course presentation. It should also be mentioned that both Jimmith and Colmana placed high in the competition as well. Thus proving once again that the testosterone runs high in the Archers and that the claims that the Archers are just a bunch of girls are baseless. It should also be noted that four out of the fivecontestants were Archers!

 

Pictures of the competition are not being presented in this article because… well.. Ewww.. ^_^

 

Just recently the Archers fell victim to a malicious prank. Several of our members had their icons changed to a Pink Pillow motif. The effects of which can still be seen in a few peoples icons. All the members affected took the joke in stride and showed excellent sportsmanship. My icon, however, was not changed at all. *twaps the people responsible for not including her in the fun*

 

Finally I would like to just mention how well the Archers did in the July monthly competition. Not because we won, but because we of the excellent team work we put into the competition. It truly is amazing what a group of great people can accomplish when they work together, and a what a great group the Archers are.

 

^_^

 

Goodbye and see you all next month. ^_^

 

Odette (the bunny)

 

(\__/)

(=’.’=)

(“)_(“)

 

 

 

P.14

[Lanette]

 

 

A Word About Chivalry

By Bridmorgan (Corporal, Cavalry)

 

 

Code of Chivalry

 

1. Thou shalt beleive all that the church teaches and shall obey all her commandments.

 

2. Thou shalt defend the church.

 

3. Thou shalt respect all weaknesses and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.

 

4. Thou shalt love the country in which thou wast born.

 

5. Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy.

 

6. Thou shalt make war against the infidel without cessation and without mercy.

 

7. Thou shalt perform scrupulously thy feudal duties, if they be not contrary to the laws of God.

 

8. Thou shalt never lie, and shalt remain faithful to thy pledged word.

 

9. Thou shalt be generous, and give largesse to everyone.

 

10. Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and the Good against injustice and evil.

 

 

Ah, Chivalry, the word that sparks romantic thoughts of knights in shining armor protecting the realm, the king and a maidens...well....virtue shall we say. Glorious battles fought against evil, protectors of the weak and poor. Generous to a fault, loyal and true to their word. Strong men on fearsome battle horses riding into battle with no thought for their own safety, sworn to destroy those who stand before them.

 

Does this type of knight still exist? Well, I'm on a hunt to find these knights of old. This article will be about my journey to find the epitome of the chivalrous knight. Through interviews and observation, I will prove that yes, Virginia, there is a true and honorable knight still among us..

 

As I walk throught the yard, I come across the announcement "all beware, the fearsome duo has become one force. In it I shall I find the chivalrous Knights I seek?...

 

Godlenyes:

let it be known the Sir Goldeneyes05 and Sir Steeleaxe of the samation sect of the calvary have declared themselves brothers in arms. Let all hear and be warned

 

*raises drinking horn of bandy*

 

to mischief and mayhem

 

Troublesome Knight:

*drinks* mmm mayhem

 

*grins* well last night was apparently too tame, we'll have to do better next time

 

hey goldy, we should start a brawl that goes through all three taverns, thats like 3 times as much fun for slightly more effort

 

Goldeneyes:

*grins, imagining the mass chaos and damage*

 

Well that's only two of the knights...I will continue my search...(note, condendsed for easier reading)

 

After finding a lone pirate among the Chivalry, I ask him "Do you think Chivalry is alive and well amongst the Band?"

 

Manriva:

 

Well now Lass..Is chivalry alive in the Band of the Red Hand?

 

Yes ... But not in the way you might think. You've no doubt seen the occasional brawl in your short time with us Lass, and no few Ladies among the unruly lot. The Band is a fighting unit you see and composed of women as well as men, and we all need to keep our edge so to speak. So chivalry goes over the side when it comes to...let's say training.

 

Chivalry amongst us takes the form of manners or civility and even that sometimes depends on the Bander as some occasionally act as though raised by weasels...I'll catch it for that Lass, never you fear..

 

Where the Bands chivalry blazes it's brightest is our defense of those caught defenseless. Women, children or men there is no distinction. And no sacrifice too great to defend them. That differs from other places and times Lass as no few children or men or even women of a lower class were often lost in the defense of a noble womans' so called Honor.

 

There are noble people in the Band Lass, don't get me wrong there. But birthright has nothin' to do with it. We all visit the latrine now and again do we not?

 

 

Well said dare I say it...noble pirate...

 

 

As I am searching for that true and chivalrous knight, I hear a summons for Lady Twinflower, intrigued, I follow the sound and find the High Lord Rayden waiting for the beutiful Lady Twinflower. This is what I find...

 

Lord Rayden ready to speak.

 

"Lady Twinflower has done a great service to the Cavalry, not only as a Banner Captain, but as a fellow Knight of the Templar Order. She has recently proven her merit by pushing forward through our July regimental competition, helping in a very strong part with who was doing what and also helping to keep it on track. When I was called away for a assignment she kept it all on track. She also has shown great kindness and fortitude with the recruit program."

 

I speak as one from experience, being a Banner Captain is not easy. You need to follow up on your troops but also be ready to assist at any given moment on the needs of your Captain. When things come up as they often do, you need to be on hand to help keep things in prospective. Lady Twinflower, you have done this and more. I speak openly when I say, that you have proven a great asset as a fellow Cavver and Knight, but also as a friend. When I have needed a sounding board, or someone to take care of something you have shown great generosity and been there. I humbly thank you for such valiant service to your regiment and Captain.

 

Lord Rayden steps foward....

 

For meritous service to the Band and especially the Cavalry of the Band of the Red Hand, I award you The Cavalry Pin of Merit.

 

I bestow upon you also the Templar Cross. This is awarded for meritous service and example of Knighthood. We all wish that Knights in this world were as steadfast and true.

 

Lord Rayden hangs the cross upon Lady Twinflowers neck, he slowly raises her up and places a chaste kiss to each cheek.

 

 

I have found my chivarlrous knight...no longer will I look for that Knight in Shining armor, the stud upon the steed...I have found true chivalry in our Lady Twinnie. No one possess the grace, the kindness, the fairness, shall I say it the Chivalry of our Flowersinging beauty? She posesses all that it means to be chivalrous!

 

So yes Virginia, I have found the secretive chivalrous knight, just not the one the stories of old tell us about!

 

*raises her glass to Twinnie*

 

 

 

P.15

[Lanette]

 

 

Riding Vs. Walking - a Comparison

By Taymist (Lieutenant, Infantry Regiment)

 

 

Now, as part of my Raw Recruit training, Lady Twinflower has tasked me with writing this article on why riding is more benficial than walking, in a military capacity.

 

Apart from the obvious benefits of having troops arrive on the scene of battle, fresh and ready to fight, rather than tired or the added advantage of speed a horse gives you in a cavalry charge, there are a few other, perhaps less considered advantages.

 

Firstly, as many a Cavalryman might tell you, being rather fond of a bandy or two at the end of a working day does have its disadvantages. (No, really... it does). Loss of direction and waking up in gutters being just two of the results of such imbibing, a phenomenon seen often in an Infantry encampment. However, for a Cavalryman, there is no such concern. Horses possess an uncanny sense of direction (even the males... unlike the humans amongst us) and also a tactful appreciation of moving slowly and smoothly of gait so as not to upset an already tender stomach or sore head.

 

Secondly, unlike walking, which is such a lonely business, riding allows you to relax and chat with those around you, take in the scenery and even imbibe on a bandy or 4 as you go. (A well trained horse knows perfectly well where he needs to head for, making reins rather redundant and leaving your hands free for more sociable activities). If you do tend to get bored easily, you also have the option of taking up a riding partner (in front or behind depending on your persuasions) to accompany you along the way. Horses backs are very broad.

 

Thirdly, it gives you an uncanny sense of what the weather is about to do, the main reason that along the line of march you will often hear archers and infantry shouting "How's the weather up there?" This is not a heightest slur in any way of the Cavalry members but rather a knowledge that they will be able to see farthest from their vantage points and feel any sudden changes in air pressure first.

 

And lastly, an added attraction of this height in riding, is being able to keep your nose well above the infantry and archers. The sweaty stench of them when they've been trudging along for hours is really too much for a sensitive nose to bear. Besides which, they don't all wash regularly at the best of times.

 

I hope this little foray into the beneficial nature of riding proves an encouragement to you all and thank you for reading.

 

 

P.16

[Lanette]

 

 

One Fine Eve...

By Lanette (Captain, Archer Regiment)

 

 

It is 5.30p.m. on the 22nd of August 6000BC.

 

Adam Figleaf is sitting under a fig tree after a hard day's work when he's joined by Eve, his Significant Other.

 

"So how was work today?" she asks, sitting down alongside.

 

"The same as always," he replies. "Frankly I'm getting a little tired of burying all those dinosaur bones."

 

Eve: So why don't you tell the Boss that you want to do something else?

 

Adam: There's no need for that. We're finishing it up this week.

 

Eve: What happens when you're done with that?

 

Adam: Oil

 

Eve: What's that?

 

Adam: Don't know. I guess it's another one of those things that the Boss wants our descendants to dig up and try to figure out in the future.

 

Eve: *noticing that he's staring in er direction* Adam?

 

Adam: Yes?

 

Eve: What are you thinking about?

 

Adam: Well, I just realized that I have never climbed that mountain over there behind you. It's quite tall, I wonde if I could climb it from the south side. It looks steeper over there. Maybe I could use a rope or something.

 

Eve: *clearly not the answer she was expecting* Adam, do you love me?

 

Adam: *taken by surprise and looks quickly for a safe response* What makes you ask that?

 

Eve: Well, it's just that you seem so distant lately. Sometimes I wonder if there's someone else.

 

Adam: You know there's no one else. Anywhere. We are the only two people on Earth.

 

Eve: Adam?

 

Adam: What?

 

Eve: I've been thinking...

 

Adam: That's nice, dear.

 

Eve: I've been thinking about asking the Boss for a job too.

 

Adam: a job?

 

Eve: Yes, you know...work.

 

Adam: Why do you want a job?

 

Eve: Well, you go out to work everyday, and I'm left all alone at home with nothing to do. It gets kind of boring.

 

Adam: Actually the Boss and I were just talking about that today.

 

Eve: You were?

 

Adam: Uh huh. He was talking about something he called 'Kids'.

 

Eve: 'Kids?' What's that?

 

Adam: *stuttering a little* Er....I'm not really sure. He was telling me all about it and of course since I'm the man, he wants me to be in charge of it once it started. But as soon as I heard about it, I immediately thought of you. It sounded like the perfect thing to keep you occupied.

 

Eve: *enthusiastically* Oh, Adam! That's wonderful! I feel like such a fool for ever having doubted how much you loved me! When do I start?

 

Adam: Well the thing is, the Boss isn't quite sure exactly how you should get about it. Apparently he can't make 'Kids' appear out of thin air. He actually asked me if I had any suggestions about how it can be worked out.

 

Eve: So what did you say?

 

Adam: I told him that I'd think about it and let him know.

 

Eve: Oh, I feel like such an idiot! You are always thinking about me and here I am thinking about myself! I knew the snake was wrong when he called you a chauvinist!

 

Adam: 'Chauvinist'? What's that?

 

Eve: I'm not really sure. He tried to explain it to me. I think it's some kind of a pig.

 

Adam: The snake called me a pig??

 

Eve: Well, not really a pig. A chauvinist.

 

Adam: Which is a kind of a pig?

 

Eve: Well...I guess so...

 

Adam: So the snake called me a pig? I'm gonna wring his neck! And since he's all neck, I bet he won't enjoy that too much!

 

Eve: Adam, please don't do anything hasty! He told me not to tell you because he was afraid you might over-react if you found out. He even sent along this peace offering just in case you were offended.

 

Adam: *eyeing the 'Peace Offering' suspiciously* What's that?

 

Eve: I don't know. I think it's some kind of a fruit. He called it an 'Apple'.

 

 

 

P.17

[Lanette]

 

 

The Footnote

By Lanette (Captain, Archer Regiment)

 

 

So there you have it, people...one spectacular show put on by our Banders. I bet it was the best thing you ever read!

 

So now, it's time for the announcements.

 

First is for all the Banders, especially Raw Recruits who are interested in submitting JotS for the Contest or articles for the Hornsounder. Please read the Hornsounder Guidelines before you make any submissions. You can find them at http://www.botrh.proboards36.com/index.cgi?board=newsletter&action=display&thread=1156000313

 

Please make special note that Articles in JotS format will not be accepted from next month on. Any other poetry is welcome.

 

Secondly, from next month on we'll have a vote for the best Holiday Review, best Gig Review & best Album Review, and will feature it on the Hornsounder. Again more details on it are on the Guidelines thread.

 

Third, I have opened a thread for you to forward your suggestions to make the Hornsounder a better read for everyone. So please post your ideas at http://www.botrh.proboards36.com/index.cgi?board=newsletter&action=display&thread=1156000473

 

So with that, I conclude this month's Hornsounder. Thank you once again to Jimmith and everyone else who contributed.

 

Till next month...

 

Carai an Shen an Calhar!