One Small Step (Evaida's Arches)

[Evaida]

The little room in the novice quarters was becoming dim with the fading light of dusk. The small nub of a candle did not give off much light but it was just enough for Evaida to make out the words on the parchment. The letters that came out of Tear from her family were rare yet more numerous than her replies, she could not count the number of times over the years she tried to tell them that she was studying to be Aes Sedai in the White Tower but the words never made it on to the paper. Just the same vague replies time after time that she was safe, well and working hard. The tiny flame of the candle stirred as the door to Evie’s room opened revealing Faerzyne Sedai in her gray fringed shawl, the Mistress of Novice’s calm face revealed nothing but Evaida knew why she was there. She had been waiting for this for days and it had been tiresome at best, you knew it was coming but never the day nor the hour in which you would be summoned.

 

Faerzyne led Evie through the Tower, weaving through the hallways, down spiraling ramps and staircases moving to the depths of the Tower. With every step nearer to their destination Evaida’s heart beat faster and butterflies were creating a whirlwind in her stomach. Just when she thought the journey would last forever they stopped abruptly, entering into a large domed chamber. The chamber was far from empty, there were four sisters in their shawls fringed in the colour of their Ajahs. Three of the Aes Sedai sat on the floor, the focus of their attention three silvery arches with their ends touching, placed on a thick silver ring. The fourth sister stood at a table holding three water filled silver chalices.

 

Faerzyne Sedai began in a formal rehearsed tone "There are two things that no woman hears until she enters this room. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, no matter your potential and you will be very kindly put out of the Tower with enough silver to support you a year, and you will never be allowed back. Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger here. Some women have entered, and never come out. When the ter'angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they - were - not - there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Faltering leads to a failure."

 

Evaida could feel her eyes growing wider, her gaze flicking to the arches that held a darkness that would not reveal what lay inside. The hours spent waiting for this were no preparation for what lay ahead.

 

"This is your last chance, child. You may turn back now, and you will have only mark against you. Twice more will you be allowed to come here, and only at the third refusal will you be put out of the Tower. It is no shame to refuse. Many cannot do it their first time here. Now you may speak."

 

Oh Light she did not want to go in there, but she knew if she did not face it now she would probably never be able to face it. Evie was determined to become Aes Sedai and baulking at the test to be raised to Accepted was not an option, the only thing to do was to go forward. “I am ready†it did not matter how many times she had been taught this ceremony those three words were the hardest she had ever had to say.

 

The sister at the table slightly plump in her blue fringed shawl intoned “Whom do you bring with you, Sister?â€

 

“One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister.†Faerzyne Sedai replied

 

“Is she ready?â€

 

“She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.â€

 

“Does she know her fears?â€

 

“She has never faced them, but now is willing.â€

 

“Then let her face what she fears.â€

 

Evaida let the words roll over her, all she could think about was what was about to happen. Before she knew it she was in just her skin standing in front of the first arch, what lay beyond that soft white glow nobody knew.

 

“The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.†Faerzyne Sedai gave Evie one last reassuring glance and then she was alone taking the last few steps into the unknown.

 

Stepping through the heavily carved doorway, Evie found herself in a large bedchamber. She stood stunned for a moment, it was almost like she was not meant to be there even though she was, at least she thought she was.

 

“Lady Evaida†a middle aged woman dropped a curtsy presenting a silver cup of spiced wine. Strangely Evaida could not remember her maid’s name, the whole situation felt… odd. Waving away the maid Evie walked over to the large stand mirror in the corner admiring her fine blue silk riding dress with silver embroidered Tairen mazes working the hem, cuffs and neck. She absently fingered the single emerald that hung from a silver necklace, it felt like she was forgetting something.

 

The double doors to the anteroom swung open, admitting the tall handsome Lord Morikan “Evaida my lovely wife†he strode across the room to where she stood in front of the mirror “I thought you were going to try on that new dress I had made for you†his sharp eyes taking in her riding dress seemed none to pleased.

 

Wife? “I’m taking Akai out, he is getting restless in the stables†her mind was racing, how could she forget marrying Morikan? But no matter how hard she tried she could not remember.

 

“If I did not know better I would say you love that horse more than you love me†he stood behind her, both their images reflecting in the mirror, and brushed her hair aside. “Where are you going on your ride? Not far I hopeâ€

 

Evie managed a weak smile “Not far†this was not right, that nagging feeling just would not go away.

 

“Not like that time I found you halfway between Caemlyn and Tar Valon. At least you got that foolish idea of going to the White Tower out of your headâ€

 

Tar Valon… White Tower… there was something in those names that seemed vaguely… familiar. “Of course not, I am just going riding in the woods, I am no longer on my mother’s apron strings and I do not need you looking over my shoulder†Evie tried to keep the bite out of her voice. She remained standing at the mirror as Morikan walked over to a small gilded table holding a pitcher of wine and two silver cups.

 

“Oh Evie do you take me for a fool†he laughed as he poured the wine into the cups “From the day I met you I knew you were… spirited. I wonder what you parents would think if they knew where you really were those nights you snuck out†he said absently as he handed her a cup full of wine. Evaida stood frozen to the spot, those nights were one thing she could not forget no matter how hard she tried I did want I had to do to survive she thought to herself, but no matter how many times she told herself that it did not make her feel any better.

 

“I know what you are planning†he leaned back casually in a large armchair watching her but his tone suggested nothing casual

 

“I have no idea what you are talking about†Evie took a sip of the wine and turned to face him

 

“You really must think I am a fool. Let me tell you this, if you leave me your family will be out in the cold, better yet in prison, an accusation of stealing should suffice. You will not get half way to Illian even if you tryâ€

 

“I still do not know what you are talking about†Evie’s grip on her cup had grown so tight that her hand began to ache

 

“You are planning to leave me, run away and hide in Illian. Do not look so surprised some servants in the manor are still loyal to me†his voice began to escalate as he slammed his now empty cup back down on the table “I have given you everything you have ever wanted and more and this is how you repay me?!â€

 

“I will not talk to you while you are like this, I am going riding†Evie turned and started for the door

 

“Do not bother I have already had Akai unsaddledâ€

 

She could feel her face growing darker “You can not keep here like a prisoner†her hand was shaking and the wine threatened to spill over the edge of the cup “If you try you will find yourself alone in the morning, besides you would not dare, you need meâ€

 

“You need me as much as I need you. Without me, you and your family would be beggars on the street, is that what you want?â€

 

Evie met his stare silently, it was not what she wanted but neither was this. The way will come but once. Be steadfast., the words echoed in her head but she could not remember where she had heard them.

 

“Now, Lord Tarlus has invited us to a banquet tonight and I want you to wear that new dressâ€

 

Evaida was about to open her mouth to protest, the dress was cut entirely to low it would make any Domani proud, but Morikan cut her off with a dismissive wave “Do not pout, Tarlus is planning something to gain favor with the High Lords and I want you to find out what it is. He always was fond of you and incredibly jealous when we wed. Only a little persuasion should be needâ€

 

The sick feeling in her stomach rose but something in the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned to where the anteroom doors were, except now in place of them was a large silvery arch. Curiously she stepped towards it, she knew she had to go through it. Morikan was on his feet

 

“Evie where are you going? Look at me!†he took a few steps towards her but she kept walking “Evaida if you walk out those doors you will regret it. Think about your family, what will happen to themâ€

 

It was enough to make her pause but Evie knew she had to go through that arch, it was only a few more steps away. “Evaida†Morikan growled “Evaida come back hereâ€

 

Those few steps seemed to take forever, she could still hear him behind her, demanding she come back “You will never escape from me†his last words followed her as she stepped out into the domed chamber.

 

The blue sister that had been standing at the table now stood in front of Evie, her heart felt like it was in her throat and the sick feeling remained in her stomach. The Aes Sedai poured cold water from one of the silver chalices over Evaida’s head and said "You are washed clean of what sin you may have done and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul."

 

Oh light she wished that water could wash away her memories, but it could not. She did feel better though, perhaps now she could let go of her past.

[Evaida]

Standing Evaida made her way to the next arch, the three sisters sitting on the floor were still focused on the ter’angreal.

 

“The second arch is for what is. The way will come but once. Be steadfast.†Faerzyne Sedai intoned

 

Taking those few steps into the Arch was harder than she thought it would be especially now that she been though one. Stepping out onto a closely kept lawn Evaida took in her surroundings, it was a garden with the White Tower as a backdrop. However she could not remember how she had gotten there. Shrugging it off walking towards the Tower, perhaps today she might go for a walk in Tar Valon.

 

The banded skirts of the Accepted dress she wore swished as she wandered down the street. The buildings in the city were beautiful, each a work of art sculpted by Ogiers, Evaida never grew tired of looking at those buildings. Turning down another street she missed a step when she heard a familiar voice. Drawing closer to it’s source there was no mistaking it, the voice was that of an older woman talking to a shop keeper. She stood dazed staring at her mother, no wonder that voice sounded familiar. She must have sensed Evie looking at her because she turned and looked straight at her “Evaida?†the hint of question slowly disappeared “What are you doing here? I thought you would be in Andor or Cairhien that is where you said you were going when you left all those years ago†Evaida stood stunned as her mother embraced her.

 

“What are you doing here?†Evie asked slowly, this was the last place she thought she would find her mother, a Tairen to the bone avoiding anything to do with the One Power and Aes Sedai.

 

“I was on my way to look for you. You have been gone so long and you never hinted at returning in your letters†the older woman released Evie and took in her dress and her serpent ring causing her eyes to widen “What is this? Why are you wearing that dress and that ring? I do not know what you are playing at girl but it is a very dangerous game.â€

 

“I am not playing at anything mother, I am an Accepted of the White Tower†she said matter-of-factly “I am going to be Aes Sedaiâ€

 

“Evaida al’Marnae, you will change out of that dress immediately and come home with me. You can get into a lot of trouble pretending to be something that you are not and I refuse to believe you would disappear for all these years and never mention in your letters that you are studying at the White Tower†Lindah al’Marnae took her daughters wrist and began dragging her in the direction of an inn.

 

Evie snatched her wrist back “No I will not. I am Accepted and I am staying hereâ€

 

“Would you turn your back on your family and your heritage to follow a foolish dream?â€

 

“It is not foolish nor is it a dream, it is very real mother†she crossed her arms stubbornly “Nor am I a little girl to be directed by her mother, I am quite capable of making my own decisionsâ€

 

Her mothers face softened “Of course you are but it is not too late to turn back, come home, come back to your family†her voice was pleading and Evie’s heart was breaking. Just then a silvery arch appeared only a few feet away, it was almost like it was drawing her.

 

“I can not go with you mother, I have made my decision†Evaida began walking towards the arch her mother pleading with her every step of the way begging her to turn back. Evie could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, she never wanted it to be like this. She had known it would be difficult to tell her family but this was beyond difficult, walking away from her old life, her family, her friends, what use to be her entire world. She refused to look back, scared that she would change her mind, deep down she knew that she had to go through that arch and if she looked back she did not think she could go through with it. The final step carried her out of the street and into the familiar domed chamber.

 

Tears rolled down Evaida’s cheeks as the blue sister poured the second chalice of water over her head “You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul.â€

 

She would write that letter she had never been able to before, as soon as she got back to her room. The words would be difficult and almost ten years since she had left Tear would make it no easier but she had to do it. No matter how hard it was it would be better than going through what she just had.

[Evaida]

Standing Evaida made her way to the next arch, the three sisters sitting on the floor were still focused on the ter’angreal.

 

“The second arch is for what is. The way will come but once. Be steadfast.†Faerzyne Sedai intoned

 

Taking those few steps into the Arch was harder than she thought it would be especially now that she been though one. Stepping out onto a closely kept lawn Evaida took in her surroundings, it was a garden with the White Tower as a backdrop. However she could not remember how she had gotten there. Shrugging it off walking towards the Tower, perhaps today she might go for a walk in Tar Valon.

 

The banded skirts of the Accepted dress she wore swished as she wandered down the street. The buildings in the city were beautiful, each a work of art sculpted by Ogiers, Evaida never grew tired of looking at those buildings. Turning down another street she missed a step when she heard a familiar voice. Drawing closer to it’s source there was no mistaking it, the voice was that of an older woman talking to a shop keeper. She stood dazed staring at her mother, no wonder that voice sounded familiar. She must have sensed Evie looking at her because she turned and looked straight at her “Evaida?†the hint of question slowly disappeared “What are you doing here? I thought you would be in Andor or Cairhien that is where you said you were going when you left all those years ago†Evaida stood stunned as her mother embraced her.

 

“What are you doing here?†Evie asked slowly, this was the last place she thought she would find her mother, a Tairen to the bone avoiding anything to do with the One Power and Aes Sedai.

 

“I was on my way to look for you. You have been gone so long and you never hinted at returning in your letters†the older woman released Evie and took in her dress and her serpent ring causing her eyes to widen “What is this? Why are you wearing that dress and that ring? I do not know what you are playing at girl but it is a very dangerous game.â€

 

“I am not playing at anything mother, I am an Accepted of the White Tower†she said matter-of-factly “I am going to be Aes Sedaiâ€

 

“Evaida al’Marnae, you will change out of that dress immediately and come home with me. You can get into a lot of trouble pretending to be something that you are not and I refuse to believe you would disappear for all these years and never mention in your letters that you are studying at the White Tower†Lindah al’Marnae took her daughters wrist and began dragging her in the direction of an inn.

 

Evie snatched her wrist back “No I will not. I am Accepted and I am staying hereâ€

 

“Would you turn your back on your family and your heritage to follow a foolish dream?â€

 

“It is not foolish nor is it a dream, it is very real mother†she crossed her arms stubbornly “Nor am I a little girl to be directed by her mother, I am quite capable of making my own decisionsâ€

 

Her mothers face softened “Of course you are but it is not too late to turn back, come home, come back to your family†her voice was pleading and Evie’s heart was breaking. Just then a silvery arch appeared only a few feet away, it was almost like it was drawing her.

 

“I can not go with you mother, I have made my decision†Evaida began walking towards the arch her mother pleading with her every step of the way begging her to turn back. Evie could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, she never wanted it to be like this. She had known it would be difficult to tell her family but this was beyond difficult, walking away from her old life, her family, her friends, what use to be her entire world. She refused to look back, scared that she would change her mind, deep down she knew that she had to go through that arch and if she looked back she did not think she could go through with it. The final step carried her out of the street and into the familiar domed chamber.

 

Tears rolled down Evaida’s cheeks as the blue sister poured the second chalice of water over her head “You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul.â€

 

She would write that letter she had never been able to before, as soon as she got back to her room. The words would be difficult and almost ten years since she had left Tear would make it no easier but she had to do it. No matter how hard it was it would be better than going through what she just had.

[Evaida]

Never in her life did Evaida imagine such a test would be so difficult, it was not a test of skill or knowledge but a test of the heart. Facing your fears would never be easy but having faced the first two arches only made it all the more difficult to face the last. What was her greatest fear? Evie tried to think of what it may be but her nerves kept focus just out of her reach.

 

Faerzyne guided Evaida to the last arch "The third time is for what will be. Be steadfast for the way back will come but once."

 

Standing there in front of the third arch Evie considered refusing, at least she would only be put out of the Tower, going in to the arch on the other hand was walking into the unknown there was no telling what would happen or if she would return. Taking one last look at the room she remembered all the women that stood there, the women she admired had all been through this. If this is what she had to go through to become an Aes Sedai then so be it.

 

Passing through the arch she stepped into darkness. It took awhile for her eyes to adjust and take in her surroundings. Something nudged Evaida in the back causing her to jump. She turned to find her horse shifting impatiently “Always seeking attention aren’t you boy†Evaida whispered scratching the stallion on the forehead.

 

“Evaida Sedai, I do not like this we are too close to the Blight. It is tactically unsound and smells like a trap†a deep voice came from her left, the wave of unease hit her unexpectedly as she was not the source.

 

“We will not back away from negotiations†another voice came from Evie’s right, she could only make out the Gray fringe of the young Gray a few feet away from her.

 

“What hope is there for these people, they bicker among themselves like children and they will not listen to reasonâ€

 

“As long as they are willing to talk there is always hope†Evaida reassured her warder but it took an effort to keep her own unease from rising. She did not like the situation, it was tempting to weave a ball of light at least to shed some light on the situation but she did not want to bring suspicion to the negotiation before it even started. Saidar shone just on the edge of her reach, that at least was a comfort as long as the brilliance of Saidar was there she was safe.

 

The sharp crack of a twig breaking caused all their heads to turn towards the tree line in front of them.

 

“Trollocs†her warder growled

 

“No, I don’t think it is†Evaida squinted trying to see through the darkness

 

“I think we should leaveâ€

 

“Wait†the negotiations may be fruitless but she had to try

 

“Evaida get on your horseâ€

 

“Do not speak to me like that-“ the whistle of something flying inches from her head caused Evie to stop, urgency flooded through the bond. Swinging into the saddle she set her horse at a gallop. Embracing Saidar she began frantically weaving a shield, the weave was about to snap into place when she suddenly her horse disappeared from under her.

 

Evaida hit the ground with a thud, knocking the wind out her lungs. Scrambling to her feet she staggered over to the large dark shape laying lifeless on the ground. Blood seeped from the arrow lodged in her horse’s chest. “No†she sobbed, without thinking she began a healing weave

 

“Evaida, it’s no use†her fellow Gray appeared beside her “We must goâ€

 

Her hand were covered in blood and Evaida drew on as much Saidar as she could handle but she knew it would not work she just was not strong enough. A glint of silvery light appeared at the edge of her vision, the arch stood masterfully next to her. All it would take was one small step but she could not let go, this was all her fault. If they had of left a few seconds earlier, had she been that little bit quicker to weave that shield the animal would still be alive. The horse that had saved her life on so many occasions was going to die because of her, Evaida failed.

 

The sounds of approaching danger were getting closer. There was no telling how many of them there were and time was running out, if only she could get this weave right. One small step. She was so close but she had to let go. Finally she took that step, plunging out of the darkness into the light of that familiar chamber. She never knew one small step could carry so much weight. She failed… and her failure ended in death. Tears flowed freely and Evaida promised herself she would never fail again.

 

It took awhile for her to realize more Aes Sedai had entered the chamber. In a way one failure led to another success, she passed the test, she had earned the ring. Kneeling before the Amyrlin Seat in the seven stripped stole and the representatives from each ajah in the colour fringed shawls, Evie took comfort in their presence.

 

The Amyrlin Seat poured the final chalice of cold water over Evaida’s head saying "You are washed clean of Evaida al’Marnae of Tear. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean in heart and soul. You are Evaida al’Marnae, Accepted of the White Tower. You are sealed to us, now. Welcome, daughter," with that the Amyrlin Seat slipped a Great Serpent ring on to Evie’s third finger on her left hand and helped her to her feet. "Welcome, Daughter", she says kissing Evaida’s cheeks "Welcome."

 

It was over, finally, she had faced her fears, fears of loss, of hurt, of pain and for that she was a better person. She had a renewed strength, this was only the beginning.

[Evaida]

Never in her life did Evaida imagine such a test would be so difficult, it was not a test of skill or knowledge but a test of the heart. Facing your fears would never be easy but having faced the first two arches only made it all the more difficult to face the last. What was her greatest fear? Evie tried to think of what it may be but her nerves kept focus just out of her reach.

 

Faerzyne guided Evaida to the last arch "The third time is for what will be. Be steadfast for the way back will come but once."

 

Standing there in front of the third arch Evie considered refusing, at least she would only be put out of the Tower, going in to the arch on the other hand was walking into the unknown there was no telling what would happen or if she would return. Taking one last look at the room she remembered all the women that stood there, the women she admired had all been through this. If this is what she had to go through to become an Aes Sedai then so be it.

 

Passing through the arch she stepped into darkness. It took awhile for her eyes to adjust and take in her surroundings. Something nudged Evaida in the back causing her to jump. She turned to find her horse shifting impatiently “Always seeking attention aren’t you boy†Evaida whispered scratching the stallion on the forehead.

 

“Evaida Sedai, I do not like this we are too close to the Blight. It is tactically unsound and smells like a trap†a deep voice came from her left, the wave of unease hit her unexpectedly as she was not the source.

 

“We will not back away from negotiations†another voice came from Evie’s right, she could only make out the Gray fringe of the young Gray a few feet away from her.

 

“What hope is there for these people, they bicker among themselves like children and they will not listen to reasonâ€

 

“As long as they are willing to talk there is always hope†Evaida reassured her warder but it took an effort to keep her own unease from rising. She did not like the situation, it was tempting to weave a ball of light at least to shed some light on the situation but she did not want to bring suspicion to the negotiation before it even started. Saidar shone just on the edge of her reach, that at least was a comfort as long as the brilliance of Saidar was there she was safe.

 

The sharp crack of a twig breaking caused all their heads to turn towards the tree line in front of them.

 

“Trollocs†her warder growled

 

“No, I don’t think it is†Evaida squinted trying to see through the darkness

 

“I think we should leaveâ€

 

“Wait†the negotiations may be fruitless but she had to try

 

“Evaida get on your horseâ€

 

“Do not speak to me like that-“ the whistle of something flying inches from her head caused Evie to stop, urgency flooded through the bond. Swinging into the saddle she set her horse at a gallop. Embracing Saidar she began frantically weaving a shield, the weave was about to snap into place when she suddenly her horse disappeared from under her.

 

Evaida hit the ground with a thud, knocking the wind out her lungs. Scrambling to her feet she staggered over to the large dark shape laying lifeless on the ground. Blood seeped from the arrow lodged in her horse’s chest. “No†she sobbed, without thinking she began a healing weave

 

“Evaida, it’s no use†her fellow Gray appeared beside her “We must goâ€

 

Her hand were covered in blood and Evaida drew on as much Saidar as she could handle but she knew it would not work she just was not strong enough. A glint of silvery light appeared at the edge of her vision, the arch stood masterfully next to her. All it would take was one small step but she could not let go, this was all her fault. If they had of left a few seconds earlier, had she been that little bit quicker to weave that shield the animal would still be alive. The horse that had saved her life on so many occasions was going to die because of her, Evaida failed.

 

The sounds of approaching danger were getting closer. There was no telling how many of them there were and time was running out, if only she could get this weave right. One small step. She was so close but she had to let go. Finally she took that step, plunging out of the darkness into the light of that familiar chamber. She never knew one small step could carry so much weight. She failed… and her failure ended in death. Tears flowed freely and Evaida promised herself she would never fail again.

 

It took awhile for her to realize more Aes Sedai had entered the chamber. In a way one failure led to another success, she passed the test, she had earned the ring. Kneeling before the Amyrlin Seat in the seven stripped stole and the representatives from each ajah in the colour fringed shawls, Evie took comfort in their presence.

 

The Amyrlin Seat poured the final chalice of cold water over Evaida’s head saying "You are washed clean of Evaida al’Marnae of Tear. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean in heart and soul. You are Evaida al’Marnae, Accepted of the White Tower. You are sealed to us, now. Welcome, daughter," with that the Amyrlin Seat slipped a Great Serpent ring on to Evie’s third finger on her left hand and helped her to her feet. "Welcome, Daughter", she says kissing Evaida’s cheeks "Welcome."

 

It was over, finally, she had faced her fears, fears of loss, of hurt, of pain and for that she was a better person. She had a renewed strength, this was only the beginning.