Welcome to "Wheel Funny," my first blog as the new Humor Blogger! I'm happy to share all that I find funny with you all! For those who do not know me, I'm lolguy26--but more commonly known as Chuckles. I've been a member of Dragonmount for over a year now. I started reading the series after I found a copy of The Eye Of The World in my favorite bookstore almost three years ago. 

Memes are greats, I'm addicted to them, and what better way to enjoy them then mix them with the bestest (totally a word) fantasy series in the world?

These are a couple of my favorites:

A very accurate description of being an Ash'man:

Sometimes I'm thankful I don't have cats....

So Photoshop + internet filled with cats + The Dragon Reborn cover = 

This describes the Children of the Light fairly well.

And this brings me memories of reading The Eye of the World.

    Randland Wrestling Federation is Proud to present:

Tarmon Gai'don 

The wrestling event you have been waiting AGES for

THREE WAY MATCH UP

               YOUNG BULL                                 THE DRAGON REBORN                          LORD OF RAVENS

                        vs.                                                            vs.                                                       vs.

                   SLAYER                                                  SHAI'TAN                                        BAO THE WYLD

Musical Guests

The Forsaken

and

Flame of the Amyrlin

to perform between matches

At the Shayol Ghul Amphitheater

Advanced tickets now on sale!

[Editor's note: the original song is "The Rare Auld Times" by Pete St. John.]

Raised on songs and stories, legends oft declaimed

The passing tales and glories that once was Caemlyn's Fame

The shining walls and houses, where my boyhood I did spend

That once was part of Caemlyn, when the Age came to an end

How the days all pass by, like the turning of the page

I remember Caemlyn City in the Third Age

My name it is Duan Kariol, and this my tale of woe

Born just in time for the Last Battle, though I wished it not be so

By trade I was a farmer, and then the plants all died

I was recruited in the army, to fight by the Dragon's side

And I courted Falay Brisai, with brilliant shining eyes

A channeler from Whitebridge, and of the rebel Aes Sedai's

I lost her to a Asha'man, his coat as black as coal

When he took her off to the Black Tower, well she took away my soul

How the days all pass by, like the turning of the page

I remember Caemlyn City in the Third Age

The battle's made me bitter, the future scares me so

'Cause Caemlyn turned to ashes, and I've nowhere else to go

The Band and Lord Mat have gone, the Royal Guard got beat down

As the Trollocs hold the City, and make a graveyard of my town

How the days all pass by, like the turning of the page

I remember Caemlyn City in the Third Age

How the days all pass by, like the turning of the page

I remember Caemlyn City in the Third Age

The Little Dragon that Could

The Mat in the Hat

Where the Aiel Are

Moghedien's Web

The Very Hungry Jumara

The Dragon, the Amyrlin, and the Locked Chest

The Complete Adventures of Curious Loial

Maid sweeps under the rug 

Hand catching in the cookie jar

Viper vipes the vindows

Hammer strikes the thumb

Coyote falling off the cliff

Spoilers?

Rand:  I gave up a hand, got a wound in my side, and am slowly going mad from another man's memories in my head...

Mat:  Oh yeah? Well...  I gave up an eye, got hanged from a tree, and am also going slightly mad, but from SEVERAL men's memories in my head and some dice rattling inside of it...

Perrin:  I... uh...  gave up an axe, once ripped a few buttons off one of Faile's dresses by accident and... um... yeah.  I yield on this one...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random thoughts from the Tainted One:

Honestly, when I think of the Snakes and Foxes, I really can't help but occasionally think of them as the Wheel's Waldorf and Statler:

    "Why do we even watch the weaving of the Pattern?"

    "Have you seen what else is on?"

    "There's something else on?"

    "My point exactly! Hohohohohoho!"

This of course, brings to mind the thought that maybe, a hilarious sketch for The Wheel of Time series could be done a la the Muppets.  Kermit as Rand, Gonzo as Mat, and Fozzie as Perrin: 

    Fozzie:  Hey Rand! I know how you can remove the taint...  You just gotta change the channel! Wakka wakka!

Romeo and Juliet

Elayne:

Rand al'Thor, Rand al'Thor. Wherefore art thou Dragon Reborn?

Deny thy madness and refuse thy fate,

Or be but sworn my love, and I suppose I'll just have to get alone with those two other girls...

Hamlet

Matrim:

To run, or not to run, that is the question.  Whether 'tis easier to avoid the slings and arrows of those charging armed men, or to take flight against the sea of troubles, and by running away, delay them.  Or to cheat, to cheat perchance to win.  Ha, there's a laugh.

Macbeth

Rand:

Is this Callandor I see before me, handle towards my hand?  

Does your breath smell like a Trolloc?

Does playing Maiden's Kiss involve you getting poked until you leave?

Is your mouth as dry as the Aiel Waste?

Try New

Rhuidean Gum

Made from the leaves of the Avendesora tree,

it's the gum that gives you peace of mind as well as fresh breath!

Now Available West Of The Dragonwall!

   (Apologies to Don Ho)

Evil Bubbles

In the world

Tear up the Pattern

As it's unfurled

Evil Bubbles

Popping up all over

Got me feeling sure that the 

Dark One wants to end all time

So here's to the end of an Age

And the sealing of the Bore

But mostly I'm hoping that

It won't kill me

Evil Bubbles 

Across the land

Have me quite fearful

For what Shai'tan has planned

Evil Bubbles

Showing up all over

Got me feeling sure that the 

Dark One wants to end all time

So here's to the Dragon Reborn

Who'll save us all some day

Here's hoping when he does

These Bubbles fade away

Animalistic

Unrestrained

Dangerous

Trolloc

The newest fragrance from Caemlyn Climb

For that darker you

________________________________________________________

A gentle breeze down a mountain side

The smell of apples blooming

Dragon

From Caemlyn Climb

Be reborn!

Broken Cart Wheel?

Dead Horse?

No Worries

Ji'e'Tow

is here to provide you

Emergency Road Side Service

Our gai'shain are standing by

A no obligation trial is available

We'll run out to where you are and pull or carry your cart to your destination

Fast and dependable Service

Offer not available in the Blight or to Treekillers

Well, Matrim, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

You're a real gem, Egwene.

Hey, Slayer, looks like you got a little too hammered this weekend.

Well, Graendal, sometimes karma just gets ugly.

Trolloc Holmes

  This great consulting detective is well known for his sharp intellect and sharp claws.   Not afraid to take on any case, or any foe, he's feared throughout the land as a force to be reckoned with.  Never seen without his constant companion, the turned healer Wot'Shin, he's only surpassed in intelligence by his elder brother Myrddraalcroft Holmes.   

Some of his cases include:

 "The Problem of al'Thor's Bridge"

 "The Adventure of the Veiled Aielman"

 "The Adventure of the Caemlyn Draghkar"

 "A Study in Ebony"

 "The Darkhound of the Borderlands"

"The Sign of the Thirteen"

 Friends of the Light should beware when Trolloc Holmes is on the case.

He thought he'd left the Great Game behind

Thom

"I don't care about this crap anymore, I'm out.  I'm going to leave and you're not going to be able to stop me."

His past didn't agree with the song he was singing

Mysterious masked female

"Thom. Thom, my friend, you know that's impossible.  You'll find out you can never truly leave. It just doesn't work like that."

And when a young man set to change the world needs your help

Rand

"Look, I need to do this. I need to get them to listen to me. I need to know what you know."

You find the one thing you can't run from is yourself

Thom

"Fine, Kid. I'll teach you, but don't expect me to stick around.  And if you get yourself killed, it ain't my fault."

Rand

"What a caring point of view."

Thom

"You'll find it's the ones you think care the most that will back stab you first."

Intrigue around every corner

Rand

"How did you know he was working for her?"

Thom

"Some people never change."

Once it's in your blood, you'll never be the same

Female voice from out of the shadows

"Welcome back, Thom.  You're as sharp as ever, I see."

Thom

"Well, you always said I was a natural."

Clint Eastwood

in 

Patchwork Cloak

Thom

"Your move."

Tunanka 

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Mazrim Taim Counseling Services

Life in the Black Tower got you down?

Signs of the taint preying on your mind?

Our licensed counselors have the secret formula to

make you feel like a new man!

You'll feel so different we guarantee your

friends and family won't recognize you.

Stop by our offices today.

Announcer

Reader discretion is advised.

Children

Announcer

Children is filmed on location with the men of the Children of the Light.

All Darkfriends will be brought to trial for their crimes.

Chioal

Honestly, the best thing about this job is that you get to help the people of the world. I mean, just think of what would happen if these fools went on with their killing and destruction? We can't allow the Shadow to spread, so we go where the Light wills and bring peace and justice.

Rodhor

Right, and you get to travel to all sorts of different places. I've personally never been to this area of Amadicia, but it's a beautiful country, and they understand that, even if it doesn't seem pleasant, your duty is yours to do, so they've been pretty helpful to us.

Chioal

And respectful too. That's the nice thing about wearing the sunburst; it allows people to see you're someone to be respected, and feared a little. But you have my word that we're out to help the people.

Rodhor

Indeed. That's why we're out here. We've heard reports of Darkfriends gathering in the local countryside and we can't be having with that. So, we're traveling the roadways, stopping here and there and seeing if anyone has heard any news.

(Horses pull up outside of an inn)

Rodhor

Now, we're heading in to this inn because we've heard rumors that a Darkfriend was seen in the area, and may have stayed here plotting his foul deeds.

(Inside)

Chioal

Morning, sir! I and my companions here are seeking out the enemies of the Light. We wish to ask you a few simple questions about a traveler that may have passed through here about a week ago.

Innkeeper

Yes, yes, of course. I'll tell you anything you wish to know, gentlemen.

Rodhor

We'd expect nothing less from one who walks in the Light. Now, sir, was there or was there not a gentleman with a beard and a slight scar on his right cheek?

Innkeeper

(Cowering)

Yes, sir...I saw him. He came in asking for a room and I noticed the shadows seemed to follow him. I sent him packing on his way, sir. No help for the

Shadow here, sir. Honest, sir.

Chioal

That's good. Did he mention which way he was headed?

Innkeeper

No, sir. Saw him shake his head and head off that way down the road.

Rodhor

Thank you, sir. If you don't mind, though, I'll have Inquisitor Vareyn come in here and double check what you've told us, and then we'll leave you to your business.

(Children head back out as a man with a shepherd's crook on his robe enters. Cameraman quickly exits.)

Chioal

Well, we'll know by tonight if this man's story can be corroborated, and whether or not he may have been our Darkfriend's contact in this town. Either way, this town may have fallen under the Shadow, so we'll be sending back a messenger to the Fortress of the Light and ask for a banner to be sent here to make sure that these fine folks walk under the Light.

(Distant cries of pain)

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Yes, look for 

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The name is al'Thor, Rand al'Thor.

My instructions were explicit. I was to prevent the Dark One from breaking free of his prison at Shayol Ghul. Licensed to break the world.

(Bond Music)

(Private study)

Moiraine:  Your mission is of the utmost importance, al'Thor. Try to take it seriously.

Rand:  I'm always serious, M. Have I ever let you down?

Watch as he battles the world's most feared villains

Rand:  Do you expect me to just hand control over to you, Forsaken?

Aginor:  No, Lews Therin, I expect you to die.

With amazing devices from an Age long past

Thom:  And if you press this part here, the head of the ter'angreal will shoot out flames up to thirty feet. This one will allow you to open any lock, and this sword also doubles as a flute.

Rand:  And how much use do you think a flute will do in the Last Battle? 

Thom:  Just try to bring it back in one piece, al'Thor.

And with beautiful women at every turn

(Tavern)

Min:  I know I'm not the only girl in your life, al'Thor, but do you have to be so cavalier? 

Rand:  Elmindreda, what would I do without you?

(Courtyard)

Elayne:  Well, well, and what have we here?

Join Rand al'Thor in 

"Eye of the World"

Coming soon to a theater near you

(Tavern)

Rand:  Mother's milk in a cup. Shaken, not stirred.

Gentlemen, are you suffering from limits to your natural abilities?

Trying to keep those special women in your life safe?

Not sure if you'll be up to saving the world from hoards of Trollocs?

Try new

"Callandor"

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That's

"Callandor"

Now available from "The Stone of Tear" LLC

Check with your Aes Sedai before use. Test results achieved while linked. If channeling for more than four hours, stilling may occur. Callandor is not a replacement for training in the One Power. Do not use Callandor if you are suffering from the taint, as results may change. If you hear voices, see things that should not be there, or start laughing maniacally and cursing Lews Therin, please discontinue use immediately and seek the nearest Red. These statements have not been evaluated by the White Tower. Use responsibly.

*note*

Don't get me in trouble with your drill sergeant, please?

Old man Shai'tan lives on up in the Blight 

(echo)

Can't find a date for a Saturday night

(echo)

When the Amyrlin heard about his plight

(echo)

Told us all to go up and treat him right

(echo)

So we got dressed up in our Sunday best

(echo)

Need to make sure that he's impressed

(echo)

And when he lets us be his guest

(echo)

Gonna lay him to his eternal rest

(echo)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Call: Now Warder hey you Warder well don't you cry 

Response: Gonna get ya bonded to an Aes Sedai

C: Prettiest Green that you ever did see

R: Standing by the wall making eyes at me

C: Next to her stands a beautiful Blue

R: Don't know why she's a-lookin at you 

C: Standing with a book is a cutie Brown

R: Wonder what it is that she's writing down

C: Coming up now on a lovely White

R: Wouldn't mind hearing some of her insight

C: There's a pretty lady dressed all up in Gray

R: Talking so sweet just to get her way

C: Shopping us now is a fine young Yellow

R: Gonna bond herself some lucky fellow

Book Red Call:  Heads up guys here comes a Red

Book Red Response:  Turn around now or we're all dead

Forum Red Call:  Look out boys, it's the scarlet skirts

Forum Red Response:  Careful now or we'll lose our shirts

3:00pm    Where in the Wetlands are the Shaido Aiel?

   This week's contestants will be searching the land of Andor for signs of the Shaido.  Will they be able to solve the clues in time and find one of the missing Shaido septs?  Tune in and find out!  

3:30pm   Tales of Jain Farstrider for Kids

   Jain learns why sharing and teamwork is important when Tarmy Trolloc starts causing trouble again.  Little Barillille gets in trouble when she disobeys her parents, and is rescued by a new friend.

4:00pm   Kerin Burin's War of the Hundred Years, Episode 12

     In this episode, learn how the shield of the north was formed by the newly risen kings and queens of the Borderlands, and how they refused to let the Shadow through in that century of troubled times. 

6:00pm  This Ogier House

    Visit with the Ogier Builders this week as they visit a store in Tar Valon to fix the masonry and reinstall the lighting.  Norhm then takes you to visit a local craftsman who builds Trolloc War era furniture.

7:00pm   B'hab Rahoss Teaches Painting

    B'hab gives instructions to paint a memorial painting of the fall of the Seven Towers of Malkier.  Grab your brush and canvas and paint along!

8:00pm   The Thom Merrilin Show

   This week on his musical variety show, Thom has special guests The Ta'veren Trio performing their latest hits: "The Caemlyn Polka" and "Two Rivers Trouble".  Hear the gossamer voices of the Ajah Sisters singing some of the best ballads this side of the Misty Mountains.  And, as always, the gang gathers round to sing a rousing chorus of "Roll out the Trolloc" as Thom dances with the audience members. 

9:00pm  Late Night Movie: "Revenge of the False Dragon"

             They thought they had stilled and silenced him, but he's back for vengence.

             Stars Lian Vuwel, Gota Brien, and Jainen Zeva

11:00pm Station Sign off

'Twas a time of recov'ry, the Breaking now past

The Dark One lay dormant, though 'twas sure not to last

Strong new watch posts were set by the Blight with great care,

In fear that Ba'alzamon soon would appear.

Ten nations, in vigilance, lay cross the land,

Backed up by Tar Valon, where the Tower did stand

My Aes Sedai in her shawl, and I with my sword

Had just been dispatched north for the passes to ward

Oh, young fool was I then, for action did I long

When from out of the mountains, an army did throng.

The guardsmen did tremble, the watch posts did yield

All our forces were pushed back, Trollocs took the field

Then Barsine was destroyed as more towns were then crushed

Ten nations were rallied to plug where it gushed,

But once poor Aramaelle had lost the day

The foul Trollocs' dark leader then entered the fray

With a crash of loud thunder, our terror so stark,

I knew in a moment 'twas the Heart of the Dark.

On a steed made of smoke, laughing like a madman,

He did curse them, and shouted, and drove them by clan!

Now, Al'ghol! now, Ahf'frait! now, Ghar'gheal and Ghob'hlin!

On, Gho'hlem! on, Ko'bal! on, Dha'vol and Ghraem'lan!

To the lands of the south! Past the Borderlands' wall!

Now clash away! Bash away! Smash away all!

As all things must before the wild hurricane go,

When they met with a foe, they did deal a deathblow.

Down to Manetheren, past Aridhol they flew,

With a couple of Draghkar, and some Myrddraal too.

He was dressed all in black, from his head to his toe,

And his mouth and his eyes had an infernal glow.

A bundle of Dreadlords around him did stand,

All ready and waiting to fulfill his command

His eyes--how they smoldered! they sparked and did fume!

His face was all ashen, so inspiring of doom!

His foul little mouth then drew up in a sneer,

And I knew what it was then to be seized by fear

The hilt of a sword he raised high in his hand,

And black smoke encircled his head like a band.

His voice shook like thunder when he gave the order

And quite caught off guard this frightened young Warder!

He was evil and vile, a right troubling beast,

And given a chance, on this world he would feast!

With a glare from his eyes and a tilt of his head,

I learned all to know that I could about dread.

He spoke so few words, just went straight to the fight,

it turned the whole battle, a dark day for the Light.

but as quick as he came the dark lord did abscond,

and I hope that he stays there, where'er he spawned!

His forces now routed, thanks to the Amyrlin

But the kingdoms were failing, much to our chagrin

And Ba'alzamon's last words in my ears did burn

"Let the Lord of Chaos rule, for I shall return!"