Jump to content

DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY
blank

Dating

Recommended Posts

1.   I don't really have a list, or at least, not a usual one. I don't think "perfect soulmates" exist as such, because for a relationship to work that takes dedicated effort from both people and it isn't going to be all happy feelings all the time. For me, drenching one's self in patchouli or reeking of BO is no go. The first because I'm allergic, and the second because it sorta feeds into the first. >.< Ideally, I prefer someone with a few common interests, or at least the willingness to get involved to some degree (on both sides), for instance, I'd listen to sports (cringe!) occasionally, if he wouldn't mind talking about Wheel of Time or Star Trek---or actually going to a convention. I think it's about balance. The only total dealbreaker I know of on top of my head that I absolutely couldn't break is drugs---I can't be around that, in person, because I could lose my job.

 

Ok... now that I've confused myself for now I'll move on. (It's easy to come up with some kind of hardcore list, but in the end it comes down to balance and compromise.)

 

2.   In my relationship the transition from "dating" to "relationship" wasn't something I was even aware of until months after the fact. I think that just happens when you're really good friends with the person you end up with.

 

3.   Long distance relationships are hard, but I think they are also valuable. Sometimes I think "relationships" spring up too fast without people really getting to know each other because it's easy to be distracted by physical proximity in the early stages of "falling in love"...spending some time apart means you have to actually be able to converse with each other. So, while I don't think a relationship should be permanently long distance, I do think good can come of a temporarily long distance arrangement. (I feel introverted in person, so interacting online takes a level of stress away from me. Not that I don't like actually talking to people face to face, because I do, but I feel more relaxed online or on the phone sometimes.) It requires dedication and willingness to work with each other to make it work.

 

Awwww. Your Mum just cares about you! :)

Edited by Meridian

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) when I got together with basel I wasn't looking for a relationship and I assumed I'd never have one, so I had no lists of requirements or deal breakers. that he wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with him made everything workable.

 

2) from my perspective we were in a committed relationship as soon as we met IRL. I don't think I'd have been able to be open or happy any other way. neither of us was "dating" to narrow anything down. we fell in love and then we got together and fell harder.

 

3) our distance wasn't very long but it was long enough. it was exhausting with all the traveling and it's been very good to settle down together.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) Do you (or did you for those with SO) have a list a "must have requirements" or "dealbreakers" that are unique to you? Has anyone made you break them?


 


       I had two must haves.  He must be Jewish and employable.


 


2) How quickly did you (or would you like to) go from dates to being in a committed relationship?  


 


       Not quickly.  I need time.  Plus I wanted children so I had to find out if he was good father material.


 


3) I know some of you managed long distance relationships - how did you manage it? I know the idea of it...the effort of it makes me shake my head in admiration. What do the rest of you think of long distance relationships?


 


       I've never been in a long distance relationship.


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) Smoker kills the deal right away. Nobody has hit that one though.

 

2) Not really applicable since we met online and committed to a relationship before we ever met in person.

 

3) Probably easier at the start because we hadn't met but mostly... you get used to it. That is really the only way. Get used to it, talk lots, be excited when you get to see each other, be sad when each trip ends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) Smoker kills the deal right away. Nobody has hit that one though.

 

Yeah, same here. My whole life, I've always known that I'd never be willing to date a smoker, regardless of their other qualities.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I couldn't be with a smoker, either, because I don't want to be tempted by it. I quit in 2008 and I couldn't go back if I wanted to. It would kill me fairly quickly. I'll try to get back to your questions a bit later. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I lived with a smoker and, over the summer, a pothead. Both deal killers. Both were disgusting and, in many ways, degraded human beings. I know not everyone who enjoys their vices falls under that description but it would be very hard to forget those experiences.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) No, I don't have a list of "must have" requirements, other than the chemistry must be there. I can't tell you how many men I've met that I don't feel any chemistry for. I try to accept each person for who they are and see what I think. 


 


2) This is so variable. I usually take a while, but not too long to go to a committed relationship. I know, real clear answer there.....


 


3) The only LDR I was ever in turned out to be with a player. I don't do them because of how hard they are, but he talked me into giving it a try. Big mistake. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since we're talking about deal killers, how do you let someone down?

 

Very gently. I try to give them a reason that I think they will accept, because I usually have several to choose from. And I won't give them the whole list. That's just cruel. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

1) No, I don't have a list of "must have" requirements, other than the chemistry must be there. I can't tell you how many men I've met that I don't feel any chemistry for. I try to accept each person for who they are and see what I think.  

 

I think that this is the closest to how I feel about it!

 

 

I lived with a smoker and, over the summer, a pothead. Both deal killers. Both were disgusting and, in many ways, degraded human beings. I know not everyone who enjoys their vices falls under that description but it would be very hard to forget those experiences.

I don't know to be honest - it depends on the situation. 

 

Say if it was someone I'd just met and they asked me out on a date and I thought, "eh, why not?" And then on said date I knew that it wouldn't work out between us because of obvious "no-no's" (I once didn't go on a 2nd date with a guy because he was unprovoked rude to a homeless person and I was like "NOPE") or because lack of chemistry, I would be like "hey, sorry - I didn't feel the sort of spark between us that I expected too, I think you're really awesome and I wish you the best of luck finding someone great!" That usually works out quite well.

 

But I really don't know what I'd do if a friend asked me to be more than friends. Because they'd need more explanation than that but more explanation might lead to hurt feelings!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Things not to say on a date:

 

A woman's place is in the home.

 

Would you mind if I live blog this?

 

Shouldn't you just have a salad?

Edited by Ryrin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) Do you (or did you for those with SO) have a list a "must have requirements" or "dealbreakers" that are unique to you? Has anyone made you break them?

 

I used to think I could never date anyone allergic to peanut butter because I just really love peanut butter.

The guy I like that I mentioned in my first post has a pretty big allergy... Guess what food mostly left my diet over the summer... 

 

2) How quickly did you (or would you like to) go from dates to being in a committed relationship?  

I think that depends on the person I'm with and the situation we're in and where we both want the relationship to go. Probably not very quickly for me; I have trust issues. 

 

3) I know some of you managed long distance relationships - how did you manage it? I know the idea of it...the effort of it makes me shake my head in admiration. What do the rest of you think of long distance relationships?

I've not successfully cared out a romantic relationship, but I imagine it'd be a lot like our friendships here. My 14 year old brother has been in one for over a year. They visit each other once every couple of months, and communicate a lot. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I first saw this topic I thought who dates anymore - mutual friends introduce non-mutual friends when they hang out and either they become not friends, friends or might work out and they become a couple but I wouldn't consider that a date.  However, say it does work out that way and then they go out again together on their own then that has to be a date doesn't it?  By definition yes but I still struggle to see it that way.

 

I think it is because I no longer look at 'dating' through the traditional lens.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not clear.  For the overall topic or just the context of my comments?

 

If the latter, that can be applicable to my commentary but not a necessity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I meet most of the guys I go out with on a dating site on the Internet, so yes, we do actually go on dates. I know that's not the norm anymore, but it's pretty safe and that's what matters. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

1) Do you (or did you for those with SO) have a list a "must have requirements" or "dealbreakers" that are unique to you? Has anyone made you break them?

 

       I had two must haves.  He must be Jewish and employable.

 

 

Re-reading topic with Cindy's viewpoint in mind (not that I've seen much to suggest that) but I found this interesting.  Employable not employed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I meet most of the guys I go out with on a dating site on the Internet, so yes, we do actually go on dates. I know that's not the norm anymore, but it's pretty safe and that's what matters. 

Same! Which is why I started the subject asking more traditional based questions  :happy:

 

But to answer your question Sen, at that sort of murky stage when you meet mutual friends and before you are a couple - that's dating...and it's super murky and weird and I kind of hate it  :tongue:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All adults or the age of majority, how many years difference between a couple do you consider to be too many?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...