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The Movie Review Game (and hello to Jason Isaacs)


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As a devoted Wittertainment fan I am obliged to start this thread with a big


hello to Jason Isaacs.


(an internet search should explain all)


So the idea is that someone posts a quote (paraphrasing is ok) of a film critics review on a film (or your own is ok) and then we guess what the film is.  Whoever gets the film right posts their quote...






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Ok, I'll go first.



... so rich they have money coming out of their ears and we're meant to sympathise.  One of them, a women who is a mother, who has a full-time nanny and still finds time to go and cry in the food-cupboard because her child put jammy hands on her vintage dress and we're meant to sympathise.  And then there's a moment of self-reflection where she says "What do people without help do" nod to the screen, if we were in -this movie- we'd be the serfs...

... oh look we're all just as vacuous and self-obsessed as the rest of you...

... orgy of dripping wealth that made me want to be sick...


some highlights -  the full review/rant was 10 minutes long

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really paraphrased



it starts off with a big gay wedding, incidentally that is how it's referred to a big gay wedding.  In fact it's so gay and if enough gay energy can accumulate then it will cause Liza Minelli (sp?) will materialise
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...I said don't go and see the first one you'll only encourage them to make another one and they did...

...It's ghastly and I've spent quite a lot of time in the last week trying to figure out exactly what it is that makes it so ghastly and putrid and vomit inducing about - this film-....

...So essentially if you went to see the first one this is your fault...

...It goes from a group of totally consumerist obsessed caricatures who end up as a group of totally consumerist obsessed cariacatures...

...It's gone from being about a group of women, which I'm reliably informed the TV show was, to being a group of men in drag...

...If any of you were any thinner you wouldn't exist and as many people have pointed out that for a film about a group of women sitting around eating, they don't actually seem to eat very much at all...

...Its entire portrayal of women liberation is the right to buy expensive shows...

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We have a winner :) (the rant makes the film worthwhile for me)


I don't know if you want to take the next one or not, if not I have more kermodean rants I can try (and at least one I know that people have seen)

Edited by BFG
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No worries, I haven't seen the film (although it is partially my fault - as I saw the first one, horrible mistake) but all these films are worth it for the reviews.





...in the case of -this film- there's a radical reinvention of the old formula and the radical reinvention this time is that they explain things as they're running

(Do they run somewhere and then point?)...

...Now if you read the novel of -the book- it's like nobodies ever explained to -the author- the principal of the internal monologue, so even in the novels characters say out loud everything that goes through their heads...

...so firstly running and explaining at the same time, major invention.  Secondly Tom Hanks has had a hair cut, because even he, clearly had realised the mullet wasn't going to work a second time...

...It is the stupidest film I can remember seeing and I include in that Exorcist 2 the Heretic...

...It is intergalactically stupid, it's a plot that's been left over from Star Trek...

(I found it quite helpful to have the plot explained to me as if I was stupid)

...the battery on the anti-matter will run out at approximately midnight, but then we have a nail biting finish at the end...

...now if the anti-matter blows up there will be an explosion of light, let there be light

(why would anti-matter explode anyway?)

*pauses* well exactly, because the darlinian crystals canna take it any more scotty, why would anti-matter explode?..

...I include a clip of Ewan Mcgreggor talking, on the basis of this tell me where he's from?...

The first hour is as boring as ever, But the last 40 minutes are laugh out loud funny.  The skydiving implications of it are so staggering... it was as if I was hit in the face with a wet fish...

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Excellent - I have more, but I'm pretty sure I've quoted them on this site already - turns out there aren't that many that are identifiable without making it really obvious.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am sorry I had forgotten about being up for this BFG.  It probably isn't as good as what you have found or done, but here goes...


This movie is packed with Oscar nominees and winners, along with gossip girls...


...telling another Boston tale and he has a great hook this time pointing out that this part of Boston is the bank heist capital of the world.


Another good heist film, another bank robbery film...


Not only does it allow for a lot of action sequences, but a nifty cat and mouse game between Affleck and Madmen's John Ham...

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  • 4 weeks later...

I had to cheat a little.  I haven't seen that film.




It's absolutely wonderful, it is for my money the best film of the year and I'm so excited about it I'm sort of having to take deep breaths to calm myself down.

It's a dark fairytale set against the backdrop of 1940s Spain.

This young girl discovers a fawn...  she may be the missing princess of a lost world.

Two stories acting in parallel, one about about war, which is very tough, very brutal, very realist.  The other about a girl, not so much escaping into a fantasy world but being enveloped by a fantasy world that is every bit as real as the real world.

extraordinary mix of fantasy and realism.

It's a 15 certificate and some people find it to tough.

I genuinely think it is the Citizen Kane of modern fantasy cinema.


As soon as anyone says but [they don't like it] I just don't want to hear it any more.  It's like looking at the Cistene chapel and saying it's really good you know, but I don't like the bit with the cherubs over there or looking at the Mona Lisa and saying it's nice, but she has a bit f a wonky smile



I thought I'd go with a good film instead of a rubbish one.

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