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DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

Learning Self Control (Closed)


WolfbrotherKronos
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Kira sat in Rasheta Sedai's study.  Kira wasn't sure why the Aes Sedai had offered to teach her a lesson, but Kira couldn't turn down the  offer.  Rasheta offered her a cup of tea, which Kira gratefully accepted, although it had remained untouched.  She was extremely nervous as Rasheta showed her the weave that she was going to learn today.  It looked pretty complex for her level and Kira wasn't sure if she could do it.

 

“Excuse me, Rasheta Sedai, could you show me that weave one more time?” Kira asked respectfully.

 

Rasheta smiled and repeated the weave.  Kira waited until Rasheta told her that it was ok for her to embrace the source before doing so.  Kira thought of the rosebud opening itself to the sunlight and felt the warmth of Saidar fill her.  She let the feeling take over her for a minute before trying the weave.  She tried to do it, but felt the One Power escape her.  She embraced the source again, but seemed as if she was having trouble holding on to it.

 

Am I so nervous that I can’t keep a hold of it? Kira thought.

 

Kira tried a couple more times getting the same results.  She was beginning to feel embarrassed that an Aes Sedai was seeing her failures. 
She could feel the redness flooding into her cheeks and was beginning to feel frustrated.  The frustration kept building inside of her until she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

 

“No! I can’t do it!” Kira yelled grabbing the first thing nearby and throwing it against the wall.  It was the cup of tea Rasheta had given her upon entering.  The cup broke against the wall and some of it got on some of Rasheta’s dresses.  Frustration was replaced with horror and Kira waited to see how Rasheta would react to her outburst.



 


 

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Rasheta sat in her room staring at nothing while she thought about the Tower and what the Greens needed to do, were they ready for the Last Battle? She guessed they were as ready as they could be. She thought over the training that every sister went through, it was good but was it enough? They might get complacent if they stayed in the tower too much, she would suggest to Jaydena that they implement some kind of training every year or so. She looked up when someone knocked at her door. She stood up and her Ajah Head stood on the other side. Rasheta nodded to her, and asked "Yes?" Jaydena answered

 

"you need to see to a child she has some temper problems. I think you would be good for her." Rasheta nodded her agreement but was confused inwardly. She had a temper but had learned a long time ago to control it. Maybe that is what they wanted her to do. As she got ready she noticed Taia standing in the hall with her warders, inwardly Rasheta winced, Taia was the reason that Rasheta was so worried about the Green Ajah the woman had little Aes Sedai serenity. She hoped that someday that women would learn, but it was doubtful. She pushed those thoughts away and walked down to a classroom.

 

The child's name was Kira and she was newly arrived in the Tower. It would be interesting, Rasheta had tea brought and waited the girl didn't make her wait long. She came in and they started the lesson. After some time it was clear that the child was too nervous to get control of herself. After awhile Kira lost her control.

 

“No! I can’t do it!” Kira yelled grabbing the first thing nearby and throwing it against the wall.  It was the cup of tea Rasheta had given Kira upon entering.  The cup broke against the wall and some of the tea splashed on Rasheta's dress. She looked down at it and then up at the horrified look on the girls face. Rasheta embraced the power and picked Kira up and hung her in the air she tied off the weave so that Kira would just hang, Rasheta also stuffed air in Kira's mouth so that she couldn't speak. She then walked so she stood in front of the child. "You must learn never to lose your temper," She said coolly, "If you do something like this could happen." She walked around the girl for awhile and continued talking.

 

"An Aes Sedai has serenity at all times, even when she does not feel like she should. Now we will continue your lesson and you will do what I have asked you. You will continue to do it even if you are angry I will ensure you don't eat or drink till you get it right do you understand child?" She released the weave so that Kira could speak, and then when she got an affirmative she nodded "Good now continue and when you are done you can go and see the Mistress of Novices."

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Kira almost screamed as she was picked up by a weave of air.  The scream would have been audible if Rasheta hadn't put a ball of Air into her mouth.  Rasheta moved so that Kira was forced to look at her.

 

"You must learn never to lose your temper.  If you do something like this could happen." Rasheta said with nothing but calm in her voice.

 

"An Aes Sedai has serenity at all times, even when she does not feel like she should. Now we will continue your lesson and you will do what I have asked you. You will continue to do it even if you are angry I will ensure you don't eat or drink till you get it right do you understand child?" Rasheta continued and Kira felt the weave of Air leave her mouth.

 

"Y-y-yes, A-a-es Sedai," Kira stammered with fear.

 

"Good now continue and when you are done you can go and see the Mistress of Novices." Rasheta said while letting Kira back down to the ground.

 

Kira was afraid.  She looked at her hands and saw them shaking.  Her breathing was quick and shallow.  She was on the verge of hyperventilating and she could feel her heart pounding, trying to get out of her chest.

 

Kira took a few deep breaths before stammering, "A-e-es S-s-dai.  C-c-could I see it one more time."

 

As Kira watched Rasheta form the weave one more time, Kira focused on her breathing.  She began to calm down and felt she was at a place where she could begin to try the weave again.  Rasheta had given her an ultimatum.  Kira would not leave this room until she did it successfully.  After being given permission, Kira embraced Saidar.  It was surprisingly easy now that she was calm.  Kira attempted the weave slowly, trying very hard not to mess the weave up.  Her thoughts soon drifted though.  More and more, Kira was feeling like this session wasn't because of the weave.  Kira had been brought her to learn how to deal with her issue.  As Kira wondered whether or not Rasheta would be willing to help her, she lost hold of the weave.  Kira tried again, this time, the weave, slowly, but surely came together.

 

Kira didn't stand, instead she looked at Rasheta.  Kira's mouth moved, but the question Kira wanted to ask - if Rasheta would help her, would not come out.  Instead, Kira said, trying hard to sound calm, "Rasheta Sedai, should I go to the Mistress of Novices now, or do you require anything else of me."

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Rasheta watched as Kira attempted the weaves again, the poor girl was starting to get scared and her ability to use the power was slipping away. Rasheta could tell that Kira wasn't used to an Aes Sedai being able to do what she had just had done for her. Rasheta wouldn't have used air if she hadn't needed to make a point. She took a sip of her tea and continued to watch Kira. After a few more moments Kira said

 

"A-e-es S-s-dai.  C-c-could I see it one more time

 

Rasheta nodded and reshowed what she wanted done. After awhile Kira seemed to slow her breathing, she seemed to know that as long as she kept her temper Rasheta would keep her's. Although if this child had been given Taia as a teacher tempers would be running high just now. Taia couldn't keep her temper if she tried. Which was why she was still not a Sitter. She would be a disaster in the Hall. Rasheta pulled her attention back to the present when Kira asked,

 

"Rasheta Sedai, should I go to the Mistress of Novices now, or do you require anything else of me."

 

Rasheta nodded "You may go now, but I will see you again to work on your temper, unless the Mistress has anything else to say on it. Tell her I offered to see to your training. I will talk to her as well so be sure you do tell her what I said. Now run child."

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Kira offered Rasheta Sedai and deep curtsey and thanked her for the lesson before turning to leave.  Kira tried to keep calm like the Aes Sedai she had seen walking around the Tower, but she knew that her face was likely very sheet white. A fact that was brought to her attention any time she passed a Novice or Accepted.  They solemnly stepped out of her way and gave her a sad look.  Many of them knew what is was like to visit Valerie Sedai when you were in trouble.

 

Kira kept walking and focused on her breathing and thought of what she was going to say to the Mistress of Novices.  She decided that the complete truth would be the best option.  Kira remembered that Rasheta Sedai had said she would let the Mistress of Novices know what happened and Kira had no doubt that she would leave nothing out.

 

Kira looked at her hands as she arrived at the Mistress of Novices' office.  Her hands were still shaking a bit from her encounter with Rasheta's strength in the One Power.  Kira took a deep breath to calm herself and knocked on the door.  She entered as the door opened, curtsied, and approached Valerie's desk.

 

"Valerie Sedai, today I was working with Rasheta Sedai.  I had trouble forming the weave she wished me to do, grew angry, and lost control of myself.  In my anger, I threw a cup of tea against the wall and spilled some on Rasheta Sedai's dresses.  After my lesson, I was sent here to receive whatever punishment you see fit." Kira said as calmly as she could.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Valeri was busy writing down notes about the progress of one rather deviant novice.  The girl could be raised to Accepted soon, in fact, she could have been raised weeks ago, but the Tower hadn't finished wringing that last bit of disobedience.  She shook her head and placed her notes in a desk drawer when there was a knock on her door.  She opened it with a weave of Air, and Kira Tuvunenia walked in.  That one had some problems as well, but a different kind from the one who had had her attention a moment ago.  Valeri could tell from the sullen look on her face that she had done something she knew she shouldn't have.

 

"Valerie Sedai, today I was working with Rasheta Sedai.  I had trouble forming the weave she wished me to do, grew angry, and lost control of myself.  In my anger, I threw a cup of tea against the wall and spilled some on Rasheta Sedai's dresses.  After my lesson, I was sent here to receive whatever punishment you see fit."

 

"I see," she said, nodding.  Kira was relatively new to the Tower, so nipping this one in the bud should be easy.  The fact that she finished her lesson said that Rasheta had the wherewithall to calm her down.  Now she needed to build on that.  Kira would need something else that could easily frustrate her, but something that would teach her the necessary tools to calm herself down when she reached a boiling point.  Definitely not something involving the One Power, though.  

 

"In that case, Kira, you will scrub pots in the Kitchens before and after dinner tonight.  And if I hear any report of you losing your temper, you will be back to the pots until you can learn to restrain yourself.  In addition, you will see me after you've finished so that we can discuss what you felt, what you've learned, and what you must learn before you can move forward."  Valeri watched the girl and waited for her reply.

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Kira listened as Valerie gave her the penance.  Scrubbing dishes was nothing new to her as she had to do it a lot growing up at the inn.

 

"Understood Valerie Sedai." Kira said somewhat nervously.  "I will come back after I have finished the dishes so we can talk.  I think I'd like that very much."

 

Kira was completely sincere in what she said.  She knew that she needed help.  She would never become Aes Sedai if she kept losing control.  Kira waited until she was dismissed and calculated how much time she had before having to report to the Mistress of Kitchens.  Kira realized that she still had some time.  For this she was thankful.  She needed some time to think and wanted to go sit in her room for awhile.  She hoped to the light Hallia wouldn't be there.  She loved her roommate dearly, but she needed some time alone.

 

Kira sighed as she entered the room and saw it empty.  She sat on her bed and hugged her knees close to her chest.  It had been a rough day, and Kira was very upset.  She couldn't stop the tears from coming.  Kira let her head lean against the wall and closed her eyes.  It felt good to cry.  Rasheta Sedai had said that she would help her, and for that Kira was grateful, but Kira wasn't sure it would be easy.  In fact she expected it to not be easy.

 

Kira sat up as she heard voices outside her door and the door began to open.  Kira quickly wiped her eyes and tried to paint a smile on her face.  She did not want Hallia to see her crying.

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  • 3 weeks later...

((Tying this in from leaving the prank rp we are doing with Kathleen ^.^))

 

 

Hallia and Dwyn made their way back to the Novice Quarters, walking quickly and trying to keep their faces as serious as they could.  It was hard to keep from laughing in the hallways, but what they’d done merited a good laugh.  Hallia managed to keep a straight face until she met Dwyn’s eyes and then she was helplessly lost again and snorted, covering her mouth with her hand until she could calm herself only to have it happen again when she looked at the other girl.  Finally they reached the safety of Hallia and Kira’s room.

 

 

The two girls burst into the room, giggling uncontrollably at the situation they'd gotten themselves into.  "Can you imagine the look on her face when-Kira? Are you ok?"  Gone were her previous thoughts of merriment and mischief; she was now focused on her clearly upset roomate.  Hallia noted with worry Kira's red-rimmed eyes and the tearstains on her cheeks as she crossed the room to stand next to the other girl.  Putting a hand on her shoulder, she gave Kira a little smile.  "What's this then, didn't get banned from the Tower already did you?"  This caused the other girl's mouth to curl up slightly, which is all Hallia needed to know Kira would be alright.  "Really though, if you want to talk about what happened we're here for you, that's what friends are for right?"   Hallia gave Kira’s back a light pat before settling next to her more comfortably than just standing next to her. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Kira saw Hallia come into the the room followed by Dwyn giggling.  Kira thought that the two girls must have just played a prank on someone.

 

"Can you imagine the look on her face when-Kira? Are you ok?", Kira heard Hallia say to her.  Kira had tried to hide her tears, but Hallia knew her better than that.  Hallia was clearly concerned and Dwyn shared her look.

 

What's this then, didn't get banned from the Tower already did you?" Hallia continued causing Kira to flash a quick smile. "Really though, if you want to talk about what happened we're here for you, that's what friends are for right?"

 

Kira sighed and began to speak, "It's just been a really rough day.  It started out with a lesson in Rasheta Sedai's room.  I had trouble concentrating and the weave wouldn't quite form. I lost my temper and after I did the weave, had to go to the Mistress of Novices - I have kitchen duty - again."  This wasn't Kira's first time being sent to the Mistress of Kitchens to scrub pots.  "I really need to learn how to get this under control...or...I'll never...be Aes Sedai." Kira's words began to break up as she thought of being forced to leave the tower because of her temper.

 

Kira pulled Hallia close into a hug and Hallia wrapped her arms around Kira to comfort her.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dwyn's grin still lingered on her lips as her and Hallia laughed around the Novice Quarters. What a prank! It was just so...neat. They had technically done nothing wrong and yet they had still managed to be some of the most annoying novices in the Tower to one poor Aes Sedai. Dwyn was tempted to cackle, but thought better of it when her and her companion spun into Hallia's room.

 

Hallia's room-mate, Kira, was sitting on the bed. Kira was a tall girl, thin with dark hair and hazel eyes that stood out in her Ebou Dari complexion. Though Dwyn had hardly ever spoken to the girl, she knew bits and pieces of her past, a history they seemed to share. Kira had been a serving girl in the inn of her parents before she had become Aes Sedai as well. Dwyn was automatically drawn to her. Another girl that knew how to properly turn down a bed and how to deal with people ought to be a fun companion.

 

Right at that moment however, doubts were cast on Dwyn's judgement as to whether Kira could handle people as well as a daughter of an inn ought as she listened to the sorry tale of her day. Wincing in all the appropriate places, Dwyn heard the point of no return in Kira's voice where she turned towards tears and couldn't get back. Pulling Hallia into a hug, Kira hid her face in her friend's shoulder and Dwyn felt a pang of sympathy in her chest.

 

Poor Kira. Imagine having a temper so strong that it affected your access to the One Power? The thought of anything blocking her access to that sweet symphony made Dwyn's eyes widen and her breath catch, and she knew immediately that they had found Kira's handicap. Everyone had one. For Dwyn it was her paralytic fear of the dark. Kira's lack of self-control when  it came to her temper must be hers.

 

Sitting herself down on the other side of Kira, Dwyn crossed her legs and rubbed comforting circles onto Kira's back. "I'll hear none of that," she began. "Don't be ridiculous with us Kira. Pfft, you not becoming an Aes Sedai." Dwyn shook her head ruefully. "Of course you'll be an Aes Sedai. One of the best, I'd wager. You want to know why?" she coaxed, her hand pausing on Kira's back. She waited for Kira's murmured, "Why?" before continuing. "Because you've got a temper. What is  a temper? It's fire and passion. A temper is a good thing, Kira. You just need to learn how to control it and I have absolute faith that you will learn when and how to stoke or dim that flame," she finished, genuine belief lacing her tone. A grin sneaked onto Dwyn's face. "And about the kitchen duty...we ay end up joining you, there, so no worrying about any pots and pans."

Dwyn smiled at Kira and folded her into a warm embrace.

 

After a moment, she shuffled backwards with a gleam in her eye. "Now then, onto the most important part of this, what did you do when you lost your temper, and what did Rasheta Sedai do?"

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Kira began to smile as Dwyn and Hallia comforted her. She gave a quick hug before beginning her explanation of what happened in Rasheta's study.

 

"Well, I came into the room and Rasheta Sedai offered me a cup of tea. She showed me a weave to try. I tried to donut, but it was difficult and I had trouble with it. I became frustrated until finally I burst. I threw the cup of tea against the wall in anger and some spilled on her dresses," Kira paused as the girls listened intently. With all the girls sitting in her bed and listening, Kira was reminded of the sleepovers she would have with some of the girls in Ebou Dar.

 

"Before I knew it, I was lifted into the air and couldn't speak. I was so scared. Rasheta spoke to me, telling me that an Aes Sedai should be calm. She let me down and told me that I would do the weave and wouldn't leave until I did it. I was able to do so and then I was sent to the mistress of novices. I know they aren't supposed to use the power to punish us, but it seemed more like she was trying to get my attention." Kira sighed. "It was scary, but I think I can do this." Kira said smiling.

 

She gave the girls another quick hug and smiled. "Thank you both"

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  • 3 months later...

Hallia’s eyes grew wider as Kira relayed her tale of woe from her day with Rasheta Sedai.  “I know you were angry, but at the same time I have to admit that takes nerve!  We can of course help you learn to remain calm.”  After another quick hug from the relieved girl Hallia stood, biting her lip as she paced the floor. 

 

 

 

“So, let’s see how we can learn to reign in your temper.  Perhaps we could intentionally work towards making you angry and try different methods of calming you?”  Dismissing the thought from her mind for a moment Hallia considered other alternatives.  Meditation perhaps?  Learning a mantra to repeat?  Breathing exercises?

 

 

Hallia tried to think of what caused her to become angry and also what staunched said anger.  It was hard, because she was rarely angry with anyone besides herself.  What usually helped was to work at overcoming the source of her frustration, most commonly personal failures on her part.

 

 

 

 A frown crossed fleetingly across her face as she paced.  But one thing was certain, as Novices they certainly were not short of time.  They would figure it out, eventually.  We’ll try everything until we figure out what sticks.  I won’t give up!  “I’ve thought of a few things...not to worry Kira; we’ll get to the bottom of this!  That’s what friends are for, correct?”  Hallia’s optimism equaled her stubbornness when there was a problem, and this anger would not be allowed to stop her friend from becoming an Aes Sedai.

 

Edited by Hallia
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Kira gave her roommate a long hug.  "Thanks Hallia.  This means a lot, but making me angry doesn't seem to be a good idea right now. There has to be another option."

 

Kira thought for a minute, wondering what she thought would work.  Kira was starting to calm down.  She wasn't feeling upset anymore.  Hallia was good at calming her down.

 

"I think maybe, I should think about something when I get angry.  The same thing every time, so I don't have to have to think about it.  Maybe by doing that, I can focus my energy on something else.  What do you think?"  Kira asked.

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A wry grin crossed Hallia’s face as she nodded along with Kira.  Prodding the bear so to speak would probably be a bad idea after all.  “I’m sure you are right…we’ll just have to think of it!”  As she thought she kept an eye on Kira, noticing that she seemed relaxed as she brainstormed.  Perhaps that was the key: keeping Kira’s mind occupied so that she couldn't stay angry. 

 

 

Kira chose that moment to voice her thoughts, which were similar to the line of thinking Hallia’s mind had just ventured down.  Hallia smiled at her roommate’s suggestion.  “Great minds truly think alike!  I was just thinking that if we can have something that keeps your mind occupied when you get angry it could distract you from that anger.  I think it will work!  So we have the first part of our dilemma under our thumb, now for the what?” 

 

 

Releasing a small sigh of relief, Hallia crossed the room to retake her seat on the bed next to Kira.  It felt good to be actively trying to help her friend; she hated to feel useless.  “Some kind of phrase you can repeat? I would suggest a riddle or puzzle that would be hard to find the answer to, but if you’re already angry it might not be a good idea to have you focus on something that might frustrate you further.  A happy memory perhaps or something that you find funny that would take your mind away from the situation you might find yourself in?”

 

Edited by Hallia
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A happy memory? Kira thought back though the past few years and the happiest memory she could think of was her arrival at the Tower.  She was a complete bundle of nerves back then, but she was happy.  Finally, Kira's life had a sense of meaning.  Could thinking about her arrival to the Tower help her get some control on her emotions.  It might work for awhile, but that could probably help until Rasheta Sedai taught her more.  She wondered though if she could channel that emotion into other tasks as well.

 

"I wonder," Kira said. "If I could do something productive to spend that energy.  I get mad and I have to do something you know.  Back at home, Dad always made me do chores when I did something because of my anger and it cooled me off."

 

Kira's smile went away as she though of the flaw in that plan, "The only issue is if I don't have something to do when I'm angry.  What if I have nothing productive to do.  Then that's where the memory comes in.  I know what memory I'll use.  The day I came to the Tower.  That's when I felt like my life had meaning for the first time.  It was the happiest day of my life."

 

Kira sat back down on her bed remembering that day.  She had left Ebou Dar and journeyed to Tar Valon with a Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah.  It was in the White Tower, that Kira began to connect with people her own age.  In Ebou Dar, she was always working.

 

"Alright," Kira said. "Do you want to try?"

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  • 6 months later...
Hallia chewed her lip as she listened to her roommate before a disbelieving smile crossed her face as Kira asked a question. "Nothing to do? I don't think as a Novice we have to worry about that, they work us from dawn 'til dusk anyways! But if it were during class or something then yes, I think thinking on a happy memory would do the trick! That may be what we need to focus on, especially since this incident occurred during a lesson with Rasheta Sedai."
 

She knew how the other girl felt. Her happiest memory since losing her mother was coming here to the Tower as well. Everything had changed since then. And for the better, I think Hallia mused to herself. This was a chance to start over, make a new life and a new family. Perhaps it would help the pain fade some as well. Meeting and befriending Kira certainly had helped in the seemingly short time Hallia had known her. Kira was a wonderful person and Hallia was grateful to know her.

 

Standing, Hallia paced back and forth in the narrow space between the two beds. Moving about always helped her think better. Nodding to herself, she took a seat back on her own bed, staring across at Kira. "I think we could, although I'm not quite sure on how to make you angry" she said with a chuckle. "I suppose we could wait until someone upsets you and then try it, but if you want to I'll give it a shot. What kind of things normally make you angry?"

Edited by Hallia
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A few days later, Kira was walking down the hall in the Tower going back to her room with Hallia.  Upon opening the door, a splash of water landed on top of her, soaking her completely through.  Kira felt the anger rising in her and her cheeks grew bright red.  She wanted to scream and throw things at the next person she saw.

 

Kira remembered what Hallia had told her - to think about a happy memory.

 

Kira thought about her arrival to the White Tower.  She remembered the sense of awe that accompanied her visit.  She remembered meeting the Mistress of Novices and feeling no reservations at signing the book.  This opened the doors to other memories.  She remembered meeting Hallia and some of the other novices.  She remembered the first time she channeled and embraced Saidar.

 

The anger went away.  It was just gone.  The heat in her cheeks left and returned to their normal color.  She was breathing normally.  She was still cold and wet.

 

She looked above her and saw the bucket that had been wired to dump on whoever opened the door.  It was quite a clever prank.  She looked into the room and saw Hallia grinning at her.

 

Kira couldn't keep the smile from her face as she put the pieces together.  Hallia had done this to make her angry and to test her theory that thinking of pleasant memories could keep her from getting out of control.

 

Unable to hold in the giggles any longer, Kira started to laugh as she pulled some towels out of the cupboard.  She threw one at Hallia not too gently and said, "We should clean this up before an Accepted or Aes Sedai comes by."

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