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Mat's Funniest Moments


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I know it might not be trendy or hip, but Mat Cauthon is far and away my favorite character. I was just wondering what moments of his made you laugh the most. I think RJ did an absolutely genius-level job inserting casual and nuanced humor into Mat's passages - such as this, the moment he jumps onto a ship leaving from Tar Valon in Book 3:

 

"Mat waved the Amyrlin’s paper toward the bearded man - the captain, he supposed – with one hand, and

fished a gold crown out of his pouch with the other, taking care even in his haste that the fellow saw there were

more where that came from. Tossing the heavy coin to the man, he spoke quickly, still waving the paper. “For

the inconvenience of our boarding as we did, Captain. More to come for passage. On business of the White

Tower. Personal command of the Amyrlin Seat. Imperative we sail immediately. To Aringill, in Andor. Utmost

urgency. The blessings of the White Tower on all who aid us; the Tower’s wrath on any who impede us.”

 

That last line is totally improvised by Mat and is such a great example of something he would say that Rand or Perrin most likely would not; Mat loves adding a little flourish of his wit into everything.

 

I'd love to hear other choices for Mat's antics that made you laugh?

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When Nyn kicks him, and he just turns and shakes a finger at her.

 

I still laugh every time, though the humor of Nyn kicking him is mixed in with that laughter. Great moment, though.

 

Another funny moment is when he is escaping the WT, and Leane (I think it was Leane) sees him with his gear slung over his shoulder, so he just gives her a guilty/flirtatious grin, and she smiles and shakes her head.

 

Thom throwing himself aside when Mat casually throws the black powder from the firework into the fire.

 

Mat promising to stay (in the beginning of TSR) even as he plots his escape.

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Two of the best for me that come close together in the story...

 

"We are going to tickle some Aes Sedai under the chin, rescue a mule, and put a snip-nosed girl on the Lion Throne. Oh, yes. That's Aviendha. Don't look at her cross-wise or she'll try to cut your throat and probably slit her own by mistake."

 

"When the poor blind fool they've chosen out for their Amyrlin gets here, I will do the talking. She can't be very bright, or they'd never have been able to shove her into the job."
Edited by Suttree
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Oh yeah that guilty grin is great, it was actually Anaiya (I only know because I read it about 10 minutes ago). And great quote, Suttree, that is classic and exactly what I'm talking about.

 

My other favorite I didn't put in my initial post is in book 7, how worked up Nyn and Elayne get to thank Mat for rescuing them from the Stone (in book 3), and then Mat's just drunkenly like, "Oh yeah totes no worries", that makes me laugh so hard.

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One I liked.

Morgase drew an unsteady breath. “Tell me, Thom Grinwell, did my daughter look well when you saw her?”

 

“Yes, my Queen. She smiled, and laughed, and showed a saucy tongue - I mean . . . .”

 

 

Some of the funniest things happen when he's not even trying though.

"Birgitte and Aviendha don't need minders," he said absently. "I suppose this Bowl of the Winds is more important than Carridin, but.... It doesn't seem right, letting Darkfriends walk loose."

 

 

Slowly Nynaeve's face turned purple. Elayne checked her own in the stand-mirror, relieved to see she was maintaining her composure. On the outside, anyway. The man was reprehensible! Minders? She was not sure which would be

worse: that he had flung that offhand insult on purpose, or that he had done so without realizing. She eyed herself in the mirror again and lowered her chin a trifle. Minders! She was poise itself.

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And on that same topic, how when Birgitte is like "How could you not have thanked him?" and then they mention a Foresaken was involved and Birgitte's like, "What!!! He didn't even tell that part" and Nyn and Elayne are just like, "God. Damn. Him."

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Great Choices Suttree, especially the first one! I also agree with Whizbang, that anytime Mat has fooling with the fireworks and Thom was flinching made me laugh.

 

I also love his line to Elayne; "Sheep swallop! Sheep swallop and bloody buttered onions!" I always chuckle at that.

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When he bows to Berelain in tSR (Berelain is on her way to see Perrin, in a very revealing and thin gown/neglige).

 

Are you deaf as well as blind, woman? I’m not a carpet to walk over, and I distinctly heard myself speak. If I pinch your bottom, you can slap my face, but until I do, I expect a civil word for a civil word!
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Was Googling Mat quotes. This one isn't a quote from Mat, but it does involve him.

 

Nerim, to Mat, while sewing up his wounds, Lord of Chaos, Chapter 22: Heading South

As my Lord says, my Lord's leg is not a side of beef. Thank you, my Lord, for instructing me.
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All of these you guys have quoted are just classic. To me Mat is the icing on the cake and can bring in some humour even to the most boring and tedious bits of the books.

 

I liked the bit when he's courting Tuon and he brings the present, but gives it to Selicia instead. Absolute genius. I think most characters could be dropped from the books and their parts or lines given to others, but not Mat.

 

Off with you, Joline. I need to write a letter to Her Royal bloody Majesty Queen Elayne the prim."

Joline sniffed. "Are you going to swear at her too?"

"Of course I am," Mat muttered, turning to go back to Thorn's tent.

"How else is she going to trust that it's really from me?"

 

The letter itself:

 

our Royal Bloody Pain in My Back,

We're bloody waiting here to talk to you, and we're getting angry perturbed. (That means angry.) Thom says that you're a queen now, but I figure that changes nothing, sense you acted like a queen all the time anyway. Don't forget that I carried halled your pretty little backside out of a hole in Tear, but you acted like a queen then, so I guess I don't know why I'm suprised now that you act like one when you really are a queen.

So I'm thinking I should treat you like a bloody Queen and send you a bloody letter and all, speaking with high talk and getting your attention. I even used my ring as a signet, like it was paper proper. So here is my formal salutation. So BLOODY STOP TURNING ME AWAY so we can talk. I need your bellfounders. It's bloody important.

—Mat

p.s. Salutation means greeting.

p.p.s. Don't mind the scratched out words and bad spellings. I was going to rewrite this letter, but Thom is laffing so hard at me that I want to be done.

 

p.p.s. Don't mind me calling your backside pretty. I hardly ever spent any time looking at it, as I've an awareness that you'd pull my eyes out if you saw me. Besides, I'm married now, so that all doesn't matter.

 

The crossouts didn't show up on the post. I can't find how to correct that.

angry, paper, and carried were strikethroughs.

 

After Moiraine expresses astonishment that Mat has married the Empress of Seanchan:

 

"It was an accident."

 

“Don’t fight over me,” he said. Tugging his coat was not making anyone let go. “There’s enough to go around.”

Edited by zerachiel76
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Mat is unknowingly hitting on Siuan v2.0.

 

He gave her a shallow bow and walked quickly to where a pretty, blue-eyed young woman was tapping her foot to the music. She had a sweet mouth, just right for kissing, and he bloody well wanted to enjoy himself.

 

"I saw your eyes, and I couldn't help coming over. Will you dance?"

 

Too late he saw the Great Serpent ring on her right hand, and then that sweet mouth opened and a voice he recognized said dryly, "I asked you once whether you'd be there when the house was burning down, boy, but it seems you make a habit of jumping into fires. Now go away and find somebody who wants to dance with you."

 

Siuan Sanche! She was stilled and dead! She was glaring at him with some young woman's face she had stolen, was what she was, and wearing an Aes Sedai ring! He had asked Siuan Sanche to dance!

 

One of the lesser known scenes I guess but its one of my favorites with two of my favorite characters.

Edited by Alric
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One of my all-time favourites must be in TDR, when he's woken up in the Tower and has been brought a loaded tray of food, and he first thinks that he can't possibly eat all that, and then proceds to at it all without realizing while he's thinking. Such a great scene, and such brilliant writing.

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Talmanes reaction to Mat and how Mat cant tell if he really serius or just loughing inside.

 

Mat insistance that he not nobility even AFTER marrying the EMPRESS :)))

 

Mat Ludicirus over the top disguise backgrounds. :)))

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"An old fellow trailed after them with a packhorse in addition to his own mount, a stringy man without much hair and that gray. It took Mat a moment to realize he was a Warder, with one of those color-shifting cloaks hanging down his back. That was what being a Warder meant; Aes Sedai worked you till your hair fell out, then probably worked your bones after you were dead."

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I've always been partial to the entire chapter, WH-17 "Pink Ribbons".

There's just so many layers of humour going on.

 

 

"Mud? What mud? I don't see any mud."

Edited by Finnssss
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Mat. Thom. Fireworks. Campfire. 'Nuff said.

 

I also enjoyed Mat's arrival into Salidar, and his bargain with the Sea Folk. He's doing the same in both, but with such opposite effects.

 

His comment to Moraine when she asks how he found out about the Redstone doorway is also great "I read books sometimes." And then his internal thought thinking how he's glad that Moraine didn't ask him to repeat the title of the books.

 

Top 3 Pranks:

3. His treatment of the Tairen captain from Tar Valon to Aringill in the TDR

2. His splattering mud on the Whitecloaks in Baerlon in tEotW

1. "Protect the Lord Dragon!" in FoH

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@zerachiel76: To strikethrough, use the [*s] and [*/s] tags, without the *. If you inspect this in a 'quote' window you should see how it works:

 

 

Your Royal Bloody Pain in My Back,

We're bloody waiting here to talk to you, and we're getting angry perturbed. (That means angry.) Thom says that you're a queen now, but I figure that changes nothing, sense you acted like a queen all the time anyway. Don't forget that I carried halled your pretty little backside out of a hole in Tear, but you acted like a queen then, so I guess I don't know why I'm suprised now that you act like one when you really are a queen.

So I'm thinking I should treat you like a bloody Queen and send you a bloody letter and all, speaking with high talk and getting your attention. I even used my ring as a signet, like it was paper proper. So here is my formal salutation. So BLOODY STOP TURNING ME AWAY so we can talk. I need your bellfounders. It's bloody important.

—Mat

 

And yes, that's one of my fav bits as well!

Edited by FarShainMael
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I also like:

 

Also, you can all go rot in a flaming pit of fire and ashes, you unwashed lumps on a pig’s backside. Have a grand bloody day.” - Matrim Cauthon (Towers of Midnight)

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I just read the part in tSR when Mat asks to go to Rhuidean. He's pulling knife after knife out, enough to impress even the wise ones. Then he gets a guilty conscience from their stare and pulls out two more from each boot.

 

"I forgot them."

Edited by Whizbang
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  • 1 month later...

 

"We need to discuss this further, Elayne. There is no need to be hasty. There must be a thousand reasons why this won't work, ta'veren or no ta'veren, and Mat Cauthon is nine hundred of them.

 
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Paraphrased, but:

 

1 After a battle, Mat - who previously had had all the Wise Ones angry at him and bossing him around - is sitting there having the Wise Ones treat his injuries and laugh at his jokes and Rand thinks to himself: 'Trust Mat to have gotten on the women's good side.'

 

2 In a nice little bit of continuity many people never caught early: Mat, in EOTW, dropping his goblet when Rand blurts out that Mordeth doesn't have a shadow = Mat, in TGH, dropping his egg when Perrin blurts out that Rand can Channel.

 

3 Mat criticizing Thom for being gluttonous and overeating even as he wolfs down more food.

 

4 Speaking up when the silence/moment was becoming very awkward when Rand and Avi were just staring into each other's eye's: ''Listen, Rand - I'm all for canoodling as much as the next man, but...''

 

5 When going into Finnland - 'What did they care if he had a smithy on his back and an orchestra in his pocket?'

 

6 Whizbang mentioned this one on page 1 but it is an old favorite of mine too - when Mat is swearing up and down that he will stay and not try to run off even while mentally plotting to himself how to get out of town: ''Of COURSE Ill stay! You can count on me!'' ... then, to himself ''I'll be outta here soon. Wonder if Perrin will come with me.''

 

 

Fish

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The scene in TDR when Mat runs into Thom in a drunken stupor and convinces him to go to Caemlyn with him. Mat is eating like crazy because of being healed

 

 

 

“Caemlyn. Yes. Caemlyn would fit my mood like a glove.” The gleeman glanced at the chicken platter and gave a start. “What did you do, boy? Stuff them up your sleeve?”

 

.....

 

“Oh, I will come, boy.” As Thom pushed himself to his feet, he did not seem as unsteady as he had been. “You wait here — and try not to eat the table — while I get my things and say some goodbyes.”
He limped away, not staggering once.

 

 

:laugh:

 

As others have said, I loved it when Mat was messing with the fireworks and Thom screamed little a little girl.

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Honestly, I don't think Mat himself is particularly funny; he never came across as a jokster or trickster to me.  On the other hand, some of his thoughts and inner monologues are hilarious.  The funniest part about his chapters are his amusing observations, and the way he sees the world is very funny.  He himself, though, comes off as fairly serious, which makes his thoughts more funny, particularly the sections where he's "about to weep".  So much bad crap happens to him, and he just takes it like a champ.  That's what I find hilarious about Mat, even if I don't know if Mat himself has ever told a good joke. 

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I'm reading the bit in The Crown of Swords where Mat moves into the Tarasin Palace. I know it was practically, if not actually, rape, but it still makes me chuckle,  She calls him a little rabbit, and his shocked inner monologue is all "Little rabbit?!" (this after calling the serving girl in the Inn across the square a "pigeon").  Then she tells the kitchen not to serve him, and all the cooks are laughing outright at him.  "The queen will have roasted duckling soon!"

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