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DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

*Dance* with *Campers* and *Happy Sisters*!


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Lillian was finding that being Accepted was... different. She'd always been alone in her room so that had not been a great change, though the size and other added things were welcome. What she liked most was that she now had the freedom to choose what she studied. Unlike others who seemed to have a preference already decided, she had no idea where her future was. Not even her arches had seen fit to reveal that to her.

 

So she spread herself, studying a bit from every Ajah she could and found that Ajah interests often mixed. This was the case of her current piece of study, green in application but brown in creation. She had all the pieces of equipment she needed thanks to the patronage of a couple of Aes Sedai willing to help her in the particular study that interested her. Of course, the problem was that she would need help if she was going to finish it over the next couple of days, as opposed to a week.

 

Help to be found in the Novice Halls. She hoped to catch at least a couple of novices available during the afternoon, given break from classes to work on their studies. Walking the corridors felt strange, they were familiar but they were no longer home like they had been for nine of her ten years.

 

It was the sound of a pair of voices that caused Lillian to smile, she had found her help. Not that she knew them well, but knowing their names would help. Walking over to the door which was already ajar, she knocked and waited to be called to enter before opening the door. Syara and Saline, the two were usually only apart when they were in different classes. Syara was a red haired borderlander, only relatively new to Novicehood. Saline on the otherhand was from Tarabon like herself and had hair that shied pale of honey, she'd been at the Tower for six years now.

 

Smiling, Lillian didn't waste anytime. "Good afternoon Syara and Saline. If you aren't too busy, I'd like you to come help me with something. Don't worry, its not laundry or floors."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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Red, Green, Brown, Silver, Silver, Silver...

 

Another Silver, or the first Blue this time?

 

The Taraboner struggled with her essay on spreading the spirit shield, and though several applications she had been shown in class were impressive, she could not connect the questions on the scroll sent to her by the Instructor with the Aes Sedai's lectures on physical properties. The sessions hosted by Accepted in the study groups offered guidance, especially since she was permitted to channel and follow each step diligently, free of the uncertainties that dogged the unravelling of solutions. But the libraries were so far, and it was warm where the fire was, there in the heart of their shared cubby, and though the window was opened to air out the room, the draft went to the corridor through the slightly cracked door, and she was warm. Saline smile sleepily to think of the small space hers, shared with a better resource than her text, or notes held.

 

"Dear," luminous green eyes fixed upon hers attentively, before flickering to the balls of yarn died the five colours of One Power elements on the Taraboner's bed.

 

Detecting Syara's amusement, she squinted into the fading afternoon sun, "I find it difficult to imagine this weave, can you draw it out for me to see?" She would have to write 500 words tomorrow, describing the key concepts behind the technique of laying your weaves thin. With luck she would catch some sleep.

 

The lass neared to inspect her weave model and Saline was heartened by the soapy smell of Syara's gorgeous flaming hair. She wanted to curl her own hair, mild in its clanking beads, and was about to say so as there came a knocking on their doors. Brown eyes widened. Who would be calling, one of Syara's classmates? Unlike Saline, who was older than the norm, Syara cultivated a fair amount of mates, and they drop by on occasions just to spend some time in good company.

 

Saline liked the girls because they obviously had the good taste to love her friend, and this was enough to burst Saline's aloof bubble. "Enter," she began clearing up the strings and other supplies for a decent (and only) place to sit.

 

Light! I know this face, the features familiar to Saline as her own, and this quiet self-assured voice. I do not know this banded dress, though I have seen many like it.

 

Saline wore a wan smile, listening to the other's proposal.

 

For herself, sleep would be a lovely prospect, she saw the twinkle of the Accepted's ring, and waited for Syara to gather her composure as some odd emotion surged, prompting her to meet the woman's eyes, "I do believe congratulations are in order, belated, but well-wished. How are you, Lillian?"

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"Dear"

 

Dropping her quill Syara turned her attention from the essay she was writing for Vera Sedai and focused on Saline. The girl was playing with balls of yarn coloured red, green, brown, silver and blue, evidently trying to model a weave and having no luck. Syara directed a good natured chuckle at the clueless girl. She was supposed to be writing an essay on the weave, and here she was making a model of it instead.

 

"I find it difficult to imagine this weave, can you draw it for me to see?"

 

Moving closer to Saline, Syara studied the mess her roommate had made of the weave. The yarn was half tangled and slightly out of order. Reaching for paper and quill she was stopped by a knock on the door. Who could that be? Probably Sandry or Rossa, they both had study times this afternoon as well. Of course, study could be done later, and Syara often left her essays to spend time with her friends, dragging Saline along as she was able.

 

"Enter."

 

Syara moved to help Saline clear the bed. The door opened to reveal not a Novice but an Accepted. Lillian had been raised to Accepted only a few months ago, but Syara hadn't known her that well. And hadn't seen her since she had been Raised.

 

"Good afternoon Syara and Saline. If you aren't too busy, I'd like you to come help me with something. Don't worry, it's not laundry or floors."

 

Sharing a despairing look with Saline she resigned herself to another late night and less sleep than she already had. Not that it was different to any other day. Some Accepted or Aes Sedai always wanted a helper for something, and Novices were simply expected to do their own work whenever they could. Not that the Mistress of Novices ever accepted it as an excuse for essays turned in late.

 

"I do believe congratulations are in order, belated, but well-wished. How are you Lillian?"

 

Trust Saline to ask a question Syara really didn't think needed to be answered. Added her own congratulations Syara consoled herself with the thought of the freeday tomorrow. Plenty of time then to catch up on her work while the other Novices spent the day doing whatever they wished.....

 

~Syara Peron~

Novice of the White Tower

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Laughing, Lillian threw her hands in the air at Saline's words. She spent some of her spare moments asking herself that exact same question. "Confused, trying to find my feet and trying to look like I know exactly what I'm doing. So far its working. The good thing is I get to pick my own things to study. Unfortunately, I don't know what I want to do, so I'm trying to do everything."

 

The despairing look that Syara had shared with Saline earlier hadn't gone unnoticed. Nor had the coloured string that Lillian approached so she could get a better look at it. Although the colours were different to how she perceived them when she held saidar, she did recognise the incomplete weave, spirit shield. "May I?"

 

Getting a nod from Saline, Lillian took up the yarn and laid down threads as she spoke. "Despite the banded hem, don't think I've suddenly forgotten what it was like to be yanked away for one task or another and then be left to make up the lost time. I can help you with your work so you don't lose time on account of me, but I do need you because I need the pair of you to help me with air weaves."

 

Finishing the spirit shield, Lillian shrugged. "How you see it may vary a little, threads and weaves are different for each channeler, but that should be about it. But as I was saying, I need the pair of you to channel for me. One of my tasks is to throw together a small catapult, to learn how to put it together and how it works. I have the plans, I have the materials, all I need is people to help me assemble it. Between the three of us we could make a fair effort of it today, finish it off later. But I need to get started straight away."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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No sooner had the words departed the longing came to clasp them to her. She knew that only Syara saw the faux pas, as she had so many specimen of Saline's repertoire, that if her roommate's view of her remained loyal nothing else mattered, yet how boldly she would call the woman Lillian, so daring a gesture, without the proper Miss? But the Accepted did not seem to mind, breaking the polite greetings as though formality itself were a social blunder with her fluttering hands and cheerful discourse on her progress as the the banded skirt rustled to close the gap. "May I?" Saline set down the yarn alarmingly, unsure what the Accepted intended to do, though she had a sneaking hunch that it involved fixing her model, the handiwork of several hours. It had been one for showing the Borderlander... she knew she needed the help, but it was different from seeking tutorials from Syara as she handed the weave over. Her blush receded as the Accepted snagged multiple strands, and brought them into her lap, examining the configurations, then pointing out where the resonance structure would be a better fit. She stared in rapture, seeing the Accepted's fingers dance rapid and surefire across the design, so that if she narrowed her eyes a bit, it could almost seem like Miss Lillian was melding the threads. By the time the ends of the last ones were tied off in their interwining twists, most of Saline's fears were vanquished, and she accepted the intricate shield, humbled by the generousity of the Accepted.

 

"It was good of you to help us," she spoke gratefully, vastly less tentatively than before. The Taraboner's words comforted that she was not alone in her doubts, of her place and abilities.

 

It would only be right for them to see the Accepted through her project. She knew Syara would love to learn more. If she could only figure out the weave with her hands as quickly as her mind had though. How strange, for one so practised to pretend, and by pretending become...

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Lillian fixed Saline's mess of an example weave with practised ease. She spoke while she worked, telling the two Novices that she knew how disrupting it was to their studies to ask them to do this. But that she would help them catch up with their studies after they had helped her make this catapult. Tying up the weave she impressed on them the need to get started on her project immediately, and that it wouldn't be too difficult.

 

Syara softened as she watched this, Lillian clearly remembered what it was like being a Novice. Always behind, and always at the beck and call of those more advanced in rank. Seeing her help Saline, Syara warmed towards the Accepted, how could she not like someone who acted in compassion towards her best friend when the Accepted could just as easily dragged them with her.

 

"It was good of you to help us,"

 

Nodding and showing a friendly smile Syara chimed in.

 

"Thank you for thinking of us Accepted. I would be happy to help you with your project. And if you want us to start now then we may as well be on our way."

 

Smoothing her rumpled Novice dress Syara wondered why in the world Lillian wanted to make a catapult. What possible use could an Accepted have for a wooden contraption made solely to launch stone at besieged cities. Then again, unless it somehow did the laundry or cleaned the dishes Syara supposed she did not really care.

 

~Syara Peron~

White Tower Novice

Saline's Roomie

 

ooc: Sorry for the late post, its been a rough week.

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Lillian was glad to have won Saline and Syara over. She didn't like forcing Novices to do chores, not that she would let that stop her, but after a long Noviceship she appreciated that were plenty of things that Novices prefered not to do. And after so long, there were plenty of things that Lillian prefered to do herself. Cleaning her room, washing her clothes, all of these things were things she had to do herself after so many years of habit. If nothing else it made sure no one could put itchweed through her clothing or hide a dead fish in her pillow case.

 

"The sooner we start the sooner we can finish, lets go." Smiling, Lillian walked out and held the door for the pair of them as they followed. Closing it gently, she led the way from the Novice Quarters and out into the sun. A good day for what they had in mind, and the sooner it was done the sooner they could test it out.

 

Around the back of the quarters was where they were headed. Wood, twisted rope, wheels and every bolt and thingamibob was to be found waiting for them in neatly piled stacks. And of course, sitting amongst it all was a scroll tube, within which were the plans that she had borrowed with her mentor's assistance. It was now a matter of assembly.

 

Picking up the scrolltube, Lillian used it to gesture to a pair of wheels. "I'll need you two to put those on that beam over there which I'll lift and secure them with the bolts. Same with the other beam over there, then we'll connect them with those two over there to form the base. It'll be a bit of a struggle because of the weight, but we should be able to do it. Just keep in mind I'll only be able to hold these up for so long, ready?" Lillian embraced saidar.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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Yea it's over. The feeling would come on and off, and in those moments she wanted to hide from the world, especially here. Though Saline had never been one of those sprightly clever girls who had so much potential they never were in want of smart witticisms to say, she would not be running away from the drudgeries of now. Thank the Light. A small smile was reciprocated upon the shining face of her dear roommate as they stood gazing at the odds and ends. Her eye passed over the collection, dancing from one metal gismo to the next, the rich sheen of the wood assembled, the mahogany, cherry, and yes the great pine bringing to her the faintest scent of summer, the sweet juices of the sap long drained, abandoning the restraints of their past existence.

 

The Accepted was poised with a serene smile, and steadying words. Having said her part Lillian began – as she had intimated – as soon as possible. Syara exchanged a slightly confused look with her. What project was this?

 

As she examined the crevice the startling thought came to the Novice that perhaps it would have been better with tedious chores such as laundry or sweeping, dirty clothes and floors she knew how to handle. An abrupt headache came convulsing through her, and her face was drawn as she performed the rather simple weave, drawing the Blue out in flows. A tendril twined the wheel gently, hesitant with doubt. What’s wrong with me? I’m allowed to channel with an Accepted around. Air was by far her strongest element, after all, and nobody should think further on poor Sara Ferras who was burnt out.

 

A wheel had been different from what the adept Accepted did with wood in that it required a splitting of one thread as it attached to the wood, but once there Saline could tie off the weave and mark its position for fixing later on. This is temporary, she reminded. The part clicked in.

 

Again. The sweet smelling whispers that brushed her cheeks crooned to her promises of rain, and she listened as the breeze blew feathery strands into her eyes. Soon habitualisation made the surroundings background to her, as she stared at the wood with interest. Saline ran her fingers down the natural grooves of the wood while holding Saidar and was struck by the intricate patterns on the piece she clasped in scrutiny. The wood was beautiful, but would it last?

 

A glance at the regal woman who stood before them, face inscrutable, stable cables of Air holding up the frame, was enough to push her to the other wheel. Same procedure, only smoother… Only time, and stress would tell whether they require fixing.

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  • 1 month later...

"I'll need you two to put those on that beam over there which I'll lift and secure them with the bolts. Same with the other beam over there, then we'll connect them with those two over there to form the base. It'll be a bit of a struggle because of the weight, but we should be able to do it. Just keep in mind I'll only be able to hold these up for so long, ready?"

 

The Accepted opened herself to the One Power and hefted the large peice of lumber. Seeing how much of a strain it was Syara fumbled fro Saidar herself, but of course Saline beat her to it. And quickly attached the wheels to the beam.

 

Syara grinned ruefully, she had tried to grasp Saidar so quickly, that she hadn't surrendered. Her Mentor had warned her about getting to excited, she tried. But sometimes....well she just let things get away from her.

 

Opening herself to the Source Syara nodding to the waiting Lillian. The Accepted raised the other beam smoothly and motioned for Syara to hurry. Quickly picking up one of the wheels with a flow of air she attaching it to the beam. Tying off the weave she reached for the other wheel. She almost dropped it once, but managed to affix it without too many problems.

 

Watching Lillian drop it next to the first Syara wondered how on earth this would look when it was done. And of course, why the Accepted wanted to make a catapult in the first place was beyond her. Seemed a fair bit of wasted effort.

 

~Syara Peron~

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  • 2 weeks later...

While things were a little slow at first, as Saline and Syara got used to her direction, Lillian found that she was saving a fair bit of time through their assistance. By the time she called a stop, all three of them were reasonably exhausted but they had gotten a majority of the work done, the base had been finished as had a few other odds and pieces but the arm and making sure everything was right was going to take longer. After all, if there was too much tension and not enough stability, the entire thing would fly apart and Lillian didn't want to fail this particular project.

 

Only a brief respite was to be found in the pair's room before she started going through their work with them. Writing up descriptions of weaves and how one perceived them was tricky, there was a base way to understand them, the main structure that was individual to each weave. But how one shaped it from there was individual to every channeler. There was also the fact that they still needed to learn, so she couldn't simply write it all up for them. But she could help guide them, mentor them as best she could without giving the answer outright. Overall it sped things up, and if they had questions she could answer them without them having to scramble through their notes or have to rack their brains to remember the vital jigsaw piece required to finish their task.

 

It was dinner time by the time they finished their work and Lillian joined them for their meal. It was a good chance to get to know them a bit better and although they were still a little cautious. She couldn't blame them, the expectation was for Accepted to emulate Aes Sedai and with that was expected some measure of regal authority. One that didn't wasn't common, it wasn't that she was alone amongst the Accepted, but it wasn't common all the same. By the time the next day came about and Lillian was able to secure them to help, they all knew each other at least a little better.

 

At least a good half hour of weaving was required before Lillian was satisfied. Standing before them as they released the one power was a small catapult, according to her calculations it could hurl a decent load of rocks or even one single rock of significant size over a goodly amount of spans.

 

Asking the pair of girls to crank the arm back using the wheel, he felt them embrace the power and use air to do so as she looked at the ammunition of choice. A large leather ball, it was perhaps half her own weight and once it got momentum it would take a bit to stop. Using air to pick up the ball, sweat beaded from her forehead as she struggled but Lillian managed to sit the ball in the cup that formed the end of the arm. Turning to the pair of novices she smiled then pointed to where the catapult was facing.

 

It was a goodly distance, but ahead were a set of wooden pylons. Similar to the game of grass bowls that were played by children in some countries, this elevated the game to an entirely new level. Checking the catapult one last time before deeming it safe, she reached for the lever but didn't pull it. Looking at the other two with a grin, she gestured for them to come over. "I think all three of us should pull it at the same time. Come on, take hold and we'll count it on three."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

 

 

OOC: It will work :) Basically they're going to play with it until they are accurate, part of the exercise is to learn how much pressure is required to get the distance right. They might overshoot the first time, then the second time they will fall too short, etc because they're adjusting the tension everytime they fire. They also need to set up the targets each time. Have fun with this. :)

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The arm on the creature pulls back, how odd that one must take the opposite course to send something projecting! She winced, guessing at the weight of the flat bladder of a ball. Over our cat-tapult? The Novice had been horrified, as their pet appeared too delicate to support any such weight. Cat-tapult, that was what Miss Lillian and Syara had called it; both had previous knowledge of the tool, in the Accepted’s case was extensive, whereas Saline had not even heard of such a mechanism before, and felt quite out of her depths as her dear roommate bantered in technical terms like pulleys, and bolts. Syara had taken great interest so it seemed, and Saline was glad on the others’ parts in their heartened communication. But on the conceptual arena something had not fallen in its logical place yet; she viewed the cat-tapult as this wooden magic, the two Novices being acolytes to the mysterious rites, Miss Lillian as the priestess meticulous conducting its every strand.

 

With not just a little effort in making them see what Miss Lillian wanted once began the momentum did not weaken until the light began to fade, and Saline saw the glow fade from both women, letting hers loose reluctantly. Her dark eyes sparkled in the fading sunlight. Its rays bathed the cat-tapult in broad brushes of crimsons and soft wispy purples. Whatever it does, Saline was proud of this machine. Still unfinished, but Miss Lillian explained that this would take another day. Not aiming to anger the Accepted, her cutting powers of observation salvaged what dwindling allowance of composure Saline kept, though she wanted to just plough on, pushing herself to be more fruitful despite the hard day’s toil, despite the fatigue she felt.

 

At dinner she was mortified to have accidentally addressed Miss Lillian as Accepted despite the friendly request not to bring up the rank and was rebuked for it, though the tone had been rather kind Saline was sorry to have forgotten, especially to such a gentle request on the other’s part. It was gratuitous. However, she had to caution herself despite what her actions were by calling Miss Lillian as she would Syara or Rosetta (why it would be liken to addressing an Aes Sedai with out the honorific), she must keep Accepted as Miss Lillian in her head, least she unconsciously trespassed over the clearly defined gap between Accepted Novices, and breached a privacy to which she had no privilege to. Saline remained wary of sharing the personal details, of which Syara again had no problem regaling them with an anecdote concerning the fortunes told to her and Rosetta on the first freeday she ever had in Tar Valon, causing Saline to double up in laughter despite her very firm-lipped resolve. The Accepted became quite amused, though the dignity clung to her as if attached by the hemline, and she did not shy of sharing intimacies with the Novices as they took the honeyed rolls for dessert.

 

“That was perfect! No homework left for the evening.” The smile on the redhead’s face was that of a young woman who knew she would be getting a solid night’s rest under her belt, and Saline thought not enough the sunrise could compare with its beauty as she helped brush out Syara’s hair, smoothing the occasional tangle out.

 

“Of course, not every Novice gets to participate in a recreation myth.” The glance Syara gave her was strange, but Saline was too tired to pursue its particular origin. She would have had 500 words composition to write but for the Accepted’s obliging guidance. The Taraboner turned smilingly to study the weave Miss Lillian replicated on yarn.

 

Miss Lillian would be a good teacher. The Accepted was apt at explaining the abstract in simple words, and perhaps because she herself had gone through a similar process recently, a couple of years ago as opposed to four scores, she could grasp where the trouble spots were, and make some helpful suggestions, some of which quite creative that the Novice could not wait to practice in her spare time. Saline reflected on some of the Sisters’ classes she had attended and gave Miss Lillian a grudging respect for not scaring away Novices with monotonous lectures saturated with impossible terms that required persistently reaching for a dictionary so the Novice could boggle at its superfluity. In fact could the Accepted ever sound dry? Banishing the thought from her mind Saline bade Syara night, and fell to bliss.

 

In the quiet of the morning, she inhaled the sweet scents conveyed by the gentler breezes. Her honey tresses were half pulled up and fastened with a bow. For a change, Saline did not wear her beads. She sat from a distance with her tanned face turned upwards, brushing the wind blown pollen off her dress, then spread the skirts into white fan slashed with dew. Her roommate who was deliberating tension and stability with the Accepted suddenly gave her a sharp look and Saline knew the grass stains were apparent on the immaculate garb. The respite was brief, and the soft conference Miss Lillian and Syara held broke as the next set of self-designed instructions had been determined. Miss Lillian steadied then lifted the ball with Air, perspiring slightly.

 

They knew what they had to do. The pylons were set up already as targets, and they had to arch back the arm past their ears. Saline wondered if Syara was as scared she felt as they took hold. She could feel the strain in the cat-tapult’s arm as they cranked it back.

 

“Three!”

 

The second Bell rung just as the ball sped forward past the pylons, making the wind shriek.

 

They had overshot the distance spanned in the time constant, but crouching next to the sunken region where the ball finally landed, Saline grinned; now she too knew what the cat-tapult was. A menace.

 

OOC: What now? Mentor gets to continue this. :)

 

Saline the Novice

Roommate to Syara and Rosetta

 

James Edit: When you post with Syara, have them knock over the pylons with a bit of time, and then after that have Lillian tell you and Saline to fetch a good deal of hay. Enough that we can create a pile that is six feet wide, twelve feet long and about six feet high. Roughly. More would be good, especially length wise. Maybe eighteen feet. :)

 

Trust me. :twisted:

 

Lily's Edit: For the sake of clarification as I was so clearly edified, there is a wheel we turn that will add the tension on the arm, which is pulled back with the aforementioned locked gear and the attached ropes. Pull on the lever, and it releases the things that lock it, yes things is a good word for this, and the arm slings the object forward. Oh and it might be in their best benefit to expand their education should Syara and Saline choose to stick around after the chore to loiter a bit.

 

No pressure implied. :D

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  • 3 months later...

It was awhile until they found success, a little bit more testing and Lillian found that she could account for different ranges easily enough once she got the jist of it. Taking turns with the others in pulling the lever, in the times when it wasn't her turn there were different ideas that came to her. Something in particular came to mind to test, and it wasn't long before she had Saline and Syara helping her with preparations. Sending them to get a large cart of hay from the stable, she stayed behind with the catapult as she began to work out the calculations in her mind for what was required. She didn't excel at maths, but with the practical tests she had gained a decent understanding of it and she knew what she was doing.

 

Concluding her thoughts even as the cart rolled into sight, Lillian walked over to where she needed the hay and called for them to bring it over. A good five minutes later due to doing it by pitchfork and hand and a sizeable stack of hay was sitting in the spot she had indicated. Perfect as far as she was concerned, now it was all about seeing whether it worked or not. Shifting the cart away, Lillian led the pair of Novices to the catapult even as a small part of her mind questioned her idea. What she had in mind certainly wasn't what catapults were utilised for, and why it had come to her she wasn't sure but she had to try it nevertheless. Otherwise she was sure that she would find herself wondering forever after what it would be like.

 

Adjusting the tension of the catapult carefully, Lillian was taking extra care, she wanted to be certain about what she was doing. There was only so much room for error, about six feet to be exact. And of course she had to check that the catapult was safe, they had been using it for awhile after all and it paid to be careful. Having said that, when she looked at the Saline and Syara, they did look a little nervous. After all, while they had established a new target, there was still the question of why. A question that she would answer soon enough.

 

Stepping up onto the catapult to make some last inspections, Lillian sat down in the cup of the arm and looked about either side. All was good and ready to go. Looking over to Saline and Syara, Lillian grinned nervously. "Trust me." Embracing saidar, it was a simple weave of air.

 

A rush of air and someone's scream that Lillian rapidly identified as her own, there was no helping it as her arms flailed and her hair was whipped about by the speed of her passage. No time to think, a mixture of elation but for the most part fear as she knew that she had made a terrible mistake filled her as her rise stopped and plateauing for bit a moment, she began to descend with increasing speed. She was going to overshoot, th-

 

A faceful of hay was what brought Lillian back to her senses. Coughing a few pieces of hay from her mouth, adrenaline surged through Lillian as she quickly looked up, she was alright! She was right! Her calculations were right! Laughing as a shudder ran through her, her fear was banished by relief as well as excitement.

 

Rolling off the hay to find the Saline and Syara stopping in their tracks a few feet away with something several grades above astonishment on their faces, Lillian smiled wildly as she gestured to the haystack. "Did you see that?! Light the way I soared, for a few moments I think I knew what it was like to be a bird! Come on we have to try that again to make sure I got it right! Come on!" Hurrying to the catapult, she gestured for the other two to follow.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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It was a bright morning that lulled Saline Wastrel into a musical episode as they neared another round of experimentation, finally succeeding in knocking over the pylons. The slender Accepted had them practice a few more times just in case it was an abnormality. They had kicked the ball back most of the way from the region where it sunk in like some sulking leech. Its tough ulterior gave indication of its weight, but it was only when Saline took up the ball for herself that she realized how dense it was. The cat-tapult was ready, and once again they prepared the launch in the smooth rituals of routine. Miss Lillian’s chore was turning out to be more entertaining than she realized, and while it differed from Vera Sedai’s careful weed plucking exercises, or even Accepted Faile’s administrations – as worrying as they were, she was having a great deal of fun, and knew Syara was too. For the first time in what felt like a pointlessly tedious life, she hummed, unaware that the Tinker used to sing the verses out of sheer joy at being alive. Out of habit, she reminded herself to be wary, yet reflected in that strange logic of the self-hyponised that if only she could only remember the next line, all will be well. The voice of pulp goodwill never wavered.

 

The smell of horse piles crept around like a suspicious animal. Freed from the inanimate object behind them, the Novices did not know how to escape from themselves in the next phase of their chore. Or at least, that was what Saline concluded as she quivered, thinking: poor creature. The joy of the song brought back memories, steady but sure. Did Syara realize the discomfiture the silence brought? But never mind, they had a task to perform, and a nondescript caretaker to accost. Saline simply did not like horses and stood back as Syara asked the man the way to the haylofts as he peered at them through his tattered hat, and all of a sudden they knew him. Timmons the gnarly gardener that Vera Sedai first introduced them smiled crinkle-eyed at them near the site the Grey pledged to beauty and elegance, one that she, Syara and Rossa, the other Novice who laboured with them to help create. His kind husky voice suggested laughingly as they queried nervously, Saline especially so, whether the hay would be found in the stables. Relieved that there were to be no horses today, she smiled at her fiery roommate as they hauled up a cartful of the fresh sun-glimmered hay. Clutching the shaft of her pitchfork firmly Saline put her back to the work, and though it was hard battling the ruts, she did not changed her mind about a horse as they went wheel barrowing their way back to Miss Lillian.

 

Another cartful and a morning breather later they arranged a humongous stack of hay before the Taraboner felt content. It plopped at a height taller than most men, about as wide as it was vertically, and roughly the length of a Novice bedroom. Saline shared a look with Syara, puzzled as to what would demand that much targeting, or cushioning, as the ball still seemed rather incapable of being cracked after so many trials. She hoped they were not going to look for the ball in that stack, exciting as the prospect of a hunt might be; the experimentation verged back onto mundane.

 

Facetious, mundane being a facetious term, to her horror an idea manifested, one that would resist any attempts to budge as it lodged itself, insinuating tendrils growing in potency of the wariness she cultivated. It latched on just as the Accepted sat herself into the reach of her cat-tapult, cheerfully inspecting its cup. Saline’s humming vanished, but her mouth worked frantically the last line had been the title of the song, I will stop your breath with kisses, as they stared in consternation at Miss Lillian. Saline did not want to be a part of this... lunacy. It was simply absurd.

 

"L-i-l-l-i-a-n!"

 

Finally she found her wind-torn voice past the lump in her pipe. But the glow enveloped the Accepted as she shot out, her trajectory measured by a shriek that tore from her involuntarily. Saline considered not looking, but it was over all too soon. Lillian landed face first in the hay they piled, and laid there coughing and convulsed.

 

Moment of shock, then they forced their wobbly legs to move, running to check on Lillian, who was upright and perfectly alright. Well, perhaps not alright, but intact as she screamed with delight back at them, asking if they saw that. Surely women were agreeable by nature. Surely that was it, for she certainly wanted to laugh, as Lillian's infectious smiles drew theirs out. What a daredevil. Despite her disapproval, Saline grinned. It was quite neat how she flew. She considered not telling Lillian this but in a squeal nearly as loud, “That was cool” announcing her grudging respect won by a woman of a different band in both status, and courage.

 

How would it be, to feel like that?

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  • 3 weeks later...

As excited as she was about what had just happened, Lillian hadn't completely lost her head by any means. The first thing she did when she got to the catapult was check it over to make sure it was still stable. She didn't want to be launched only to find she was being chased by the rest of the catapult. Not only would a misfire be potentially fatal for herself, but Saline and Syara were there as well and she certainly didn't want to endanger them. Having said that, she couldn't believe how alive she felt, if her senses were a cup of water then it had only been half full before. Not quite as powerful as the feeling of saidar but it approached it and didn't require any concentration on her part.

 

It was safe.

 

Getting the assistance of the others to crank the arm of the catapult back into position, Lillian was sure to replicate exactly what had been done before. Too little or too much pressure in the arm would end badly for Lillian so she made sure she was right before she climbed up into the cup of the arm. Sitting herself down, Lillian tucked her knees to her chest and sat her hands either side of her. Now that she knew she was safe, she could fully enjoy it and she planned to fly like a bird. Looking to Saline and Syara, Lillian nodded at them. "Pull the lever!"

 

Hurtling through the air, Lillian stretched her arms and legs out as she yelled defiantly at the fear that still rose up in her. Soaring, it didn't take long for Lillian to reach the crest of her arc. Plateauing, she then began to fall but she knew where she was going and her fears were irrational rather than overwhelming. Throwing her hands up before her at the last moment, Lillian cut through the haystack to be buried deep within, out of sight. Slow to move she was shaking so much from the adrenaline, she began to make her way out. One more go.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

 

OOC: And now its Aramina's :D

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Time never seemed to run consistently, Aramina thought as she looked at the stack of papers on her desk. When she wanted things to happen quick, time ran slowly and vice versa. Today was no different. The illusion of time seemed to slip through her hands and as it did, events moved too swiftly to stop them. She had so many things to get done, pieces that needed to be moved into place, but she could only do so much.

 

She stood from her desk and went to the door where a note had been slipped under, breaking her from her papers in the first place. A fool Novice, afraid to disturb her. At least she had the information Aramina had wanted. Taking a quick look at the mirror to ensure that she was properly dressed, Aramina noted that the deep purple dress seemed a bit informal without the jewels it had originally been bought with, but she had been in no mood for formality this morning when she had donned it. In fact she had planned on spending the entire day locked in her room. She had hoped for someone to interupt, but as those hopes went, that someone had not so much as knocked on her door, let along let himself in as was his way, so she found herself taking a moment to undo the harsh braids her hair normally was up in. It was more becoming the dress and when she unravelled it, only the front was pulled back and the rest hung in curls. If nothing else, it would confuse some and make others wonder. Let them. She had nothing to hide today, but it would not seem so, to those players that might be watching.

 

She made her way from her rooms and wondered if the Novice had been right in her information. She had expected to find Lillian in her rooms or possibly studying int he library. To have to go this far out of her way was unexpected, but she had set the girl to a task and she needed to check on it and her. she had been looking to learn something new and Aramina had thought that learning the art of war, without the advantages of the One Power might help Lillian in her way of determining what her calling would be. The girl's studies seemed to be everywhere and with her bookish sensibilities, she thought the research into battle techniques might fascinate her. Building a catapult had been something the girl seemed to latch onto and Aramina only hoped it had gone well so far. The girl might make a fine Aes Sedai someday. If only she made it that far.

 

As she walked closer she saw the erected destroyer and stared for just a moment before she realized what her eyes were making out. And in that split second, she watched as Lilian went soaring through the air. Her heart leapt into her throat, but her feet were moving before she realized it. When Lilian stood up and looked around, her limbs trembling visibly she stopped. A smile hung on the girls lips and though she seemed somewhat dazed, she didn't look confused or contrite. She had meant to launch herself on that thing! Fool girl! She could have killed her- Light! Had she lef the girl to herself too much? She had thought Lilian out of danger but had she been wrong? She had the urge to wrap her arms around the girl and hold her tight or to slap her silly, neither of which she could do. Instead she took a deep breath. "You have some explaining to do Accepted." She said coldly when her voice permitted it.

 

She looked at the two Novices who seemed to be uncertain of what to do other than cursty. She turned on them. "Perhaps you could explain to my why you would help this Accepted get into a working catapult and fling herself out of it?" They seemed to hesitate and Aramina cut them off before they could start. "This is not acceptable behavior. I suppose if she told you she was goind to go to the grove and draw so much power that she stilled herself you'd have allowed it to?" The gasps were noted but Aramina wasn't done. "Your duty is to the White Tower, not any one person in it. There will be times when it might be your duty to leave a Sister behind to die, but if I hear that you allowed anyone to do something as reckless as this again without informing someone I will have you both skinned and sent down as lunch meat. Do I make myself understood? In the meantime, I want a 500 word essay on my desk tomorrow morning on this event, on what an Aes Sedai would have done if she had been here and what you should have done. Include an explanation on why you did not do it in the first place. You are dismissed."

 

When the girls had gone Aramina turned her attention back to Lilian. She was certain she had never used that cold tone in front of the Accepted before, had never needed to discipline her or done so in her presence. In fact, Aramina usually did not do such things to Novices and Accepted. Normally she would have simply sent them to the Mistress of Novices, but her fear that Lilian was relapsing had overriden that. Better to deal with this herself that get anyone else involved. She looked at Lilian and took a deep breath. "I hope there is some explanation for what I just saw." Her voice was still cold and so was her face. Her hands were clasped carefully in front of her to stop the shaking that seemed to have settled into her at the sight of Lilian flying through the air.

 

Aramina

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Lillian had not been expecting Aramina to arrive of all things. When she'd made her findings she was to report them to her, she had not realised that Aramina would actually come down and have a look for herself. They were perfectly out of the way and now, well the essays were her fault. No matter, she'd write both of them herself, she wasn't going to let Saline and Syara get made to do work for something that wasn't their fault. Of course, there was still the matter of answering the question that had been directed her way. Something she was better able to do as she steadied her expression and her tone to something a good deal milder than she had been before.

 

"Well, I was tasked with evaluating the catapult and its effectiveness as a weapon. After testing it on the targets that were set up and developing a fair idea for the physics of objects that were lobbed and how they travelled, along with the weights and pressures involved, something occured to me. The primary use of a catapult is to knock down a wall to allow troops entry into a fortification. It occured to me that it might be possible to claim a fortification undamaged if one were able to use the catapult to bypass the fortification rather than destroy it."

 

It sounded ridiculous, but Lillian almost looked earnest. Besides, it wasn't a lie, the idea had occured to her. "Admittedly, this test required somewhere soft to land, but if there were some way to slow the descent and one were able to bring a large number of them to deploy a group of troops at once, its possible that it could be used in that manner. I was in the process of observing the flight trajectory when you ended the experiment."

 

She couldn't manage it anymore, a smile she couldn't suppress emerged as she added. "You wouldn't believe what it feels like either. I felt like a bird, just soaring through the air like that it must've been something similar to what it was like for Aes Sedai in the Age of Legends when they flew. Well, except I doubt they were launched from a catapult and flying doesn't include falling, but it was unbelievable! You cut straight through the air, faster than if you were on a horse! No one's around, do you want to try? I'll need your weight so I can work out the tension required."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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It was one of the most insane things she'd ever heard. Honestly, had the girl lost her mind completely? Or her someone put her up to a prank? That's what it felt like.

 

She took a deep breath. "No, I don't want to try it. Do you understand how you might have been hurt if this had gone wrong? Do you understand the trouble those two Novices would have been in had it gone wrong?"

 

Another deep breath. She needed to keep her cool and not yell at the girl. "I applaud your experiement with the catapult, but not putting yourself in it. First, if you were truely wanting to test something like that out, you should have had me here. I might have even allowed it and helped you. If I had been here before I would have been able to make sure nothing happened to you. Or is that what you wanted? I'm asking because I am at a loss Accepted." She refused to use the girl's name, refused to even think it. "What you have done is reckless and dangerous. And not at all thought out which makes me concerned about you. Test it to see if it were possible to send troops that way? Yes. Let's send our brave soldiers flying through the air, one by one, so they can be shot as moving targets by an enemies archers. Yes, I see how well planned out this whole thing was."

 

Aramina

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It was an uncharacteristic anger that began to pervade Lillian as she listened to each criticism that was leveled at her. Recklessness, endangering the Novices of all things! And endangering herself? She'd been fairly confident about what she was doing and she'd been right! And then shooting down her idea much in the way she proposed that soldiers would be shot down by enemy archers. Nevermind that they'd be launched and landed so quickly that archers would lose their advantage of distance in moments. The idiocy of Aramina's accusation didn't contribute any positives to her mood, and it was on this rare occasion that Lillian decided to give her thoughts speech, and without the reserve she usually employed.

 

"Reckless? I've been working on this catapult for a couple of days now and with the help of those Novices whom you reprimanded I've gained a fair understanding of how this machine works. Everytime I used the catapult I checked it every single time to make sure it wasn't about to fly apart. When I decided to put myself in it I spent a good fifteen minutes working out all the physics involved so I didn't plant myself a good twenty feet further. And so what if I didn't alert you to it? You told me to assess this catapult and I did, and no one has been hurt. As you can see, I'm perfectly fine. Look."

 

Shaking her hands up at Aramina to demonstrate that she was exactly that, fine, Lillian plunged on. "More than that, it was fun. I haven't had fun sin-" Blinking angrily, Lillian pretended that didn't happen. "It was fun, I enjoyed it, and if you expect me to apologise for that then you'll be waiting a long time. And taunting me with what ifs after I took every precaution available, thats just like me saying you need me to be there to walk you down a flight of stairs because there's a chance you might trip down them. And you most certainly would not have allowed it. And who knows? Maybe I wanted to surprise you with my idea? You know, maybe give you a new way of looking at this without you ripping my idea apart before its barely had the chance to be tested."

 

"Light, you didn't even give it a chance now. Nevermind that the speed that soldiers would be moving at, archers wouldn't be able to hit them. Nevermind that you're assuming that I can't take care of myself and am in need of coddling. I figured it out, it worked, thats the end of it. Instead of criticising me for what could have gone wrong, why not say 'Lillian, I never thought of that before' or 'Lillian, that was risky and you shouldn't do it again, but that was inventive.' Also, I have a name and oddly enough it isn't Accepted, that just happens to be a title thats attached to the name. Lillian. L, i, l, l, i, a, n. Lil-li-an. After what ha-"

 

Lillian bit her lip as she tried to rein it in, catching herself before she followed that line of thought. She couldn't remember being so angry before but what little of her lucid was afraid but it went unnoticed under the torrent or rage that spilled forth.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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Aramina listened to Lillian's rant with a fair amount of shock. It wasn't that she hadn't expected the girl to snap at some point, but she hadn't expected it to be like that. To be... at her. Aramina took a deep breath. She wasn't the one that had lost something here. She needed to be understanding and supportive. That was what she had been telling herself all through this. Be supportive and don't dump your own grief on her. Maybe if someone had been there for her when Natalie had died she would have been able to make more friends. Maybe she wouldn't be so lonli-, maybe she would have had an easier time with it back then.

 

It was hard in moments like this though when the girl was being so disrespectful. Aramina folded her arms. "You have a name and a title. With that title comes responsibility and you must think about what you are doing. I would not have said no to this experiment without thought. If I had said yes though, I would been here to make sure nothing happened. What if you had missed? Those two girls wouldn't have been able to heal you!" Her voice was raising now and she wasn't sure she could or should stop it. The girl had taken a huge risk and Aramina still wasn't sure why. Had it been just a spur of the moment, or had she wanted something to happen? It was that thought that bothered Aramina and had her worried and angry.

 

Aramina

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Lillian positively seethed at the words that were spoken, each one stirring a black anger that she'd never thought herself capable of. She was barely able to think at all, her fists clenching as they shook from the energy she barely contained so she could channel it through her words as she held not a shred in reserve. "I don't need healing! Don't you get it?! I'm fine! Do I need to do a dance and twirl to convince you of that or are you so bloody blind that you couldn't notice if it was slapped into you! Taei's the one who could use some healing!"

 

Any shred of self control was gone as hot tears ran down Lillian's cheeks and hotter words were spoken. "Where was your title and your responsibility then! All she wanted was to be one of you! She wanted to be a brown sister so she could be a scribe just like her father was in Caemlyn! But no, she's in that blood and bloody ashes Arch and not one of you will go in there and get her! You won't even try and figure out how to do it! She's in there somewhere and you won't do anything for her! How dare you preach responsibility to me! You throw people in that damned Arch and you kill people!"

 

"But no, thats just the risk with becoming an Aes Sedai, isn't it? ISN'T IT!" Taking a couple of steps closer, Lillian's throat burned as she plunged further without any control, everything that was in her mind flowing as if a dam had been broken. "What do you tell her father?! 'Oh, we're sorry, Taei Mirel just wasn't cut out to be an Aes Sedai. We gave her a test to see if she was but we ended up killing her instead. So sorry.' She was a person damn you! My best friend! And everyone pretends as if it didn't matter, as if its somehow acceptable that she's lost in that stupid light forsaken piece of trash that you use to take people's greatest weaknesses and throw them in their face! As if you have the right to do that!"

 

"You want responsibility? What about your responsibility to Taei! She was the ge- the gentlest girl there ever was, she'd never have harmed a fly and all she wanted ever wanted to be was one of you! She gave it everything she had and because it wasn't good enough for that damned ter'angreal she's dead an- she's dead and no one will do anything! But that damn ter'angreal is so convenient, nothing else will weed out whats undesirable like it can! Oh and it does that all too well, nevermind how many people are killed along the way and because its been done for so long, no one is willing to change it! All for this bloody, light forsaken, shadow kissed Tower!"

 

Taking a deep shuddering breath, Lillian's face was contorted in grief, her eyes weeping pain as they wept tears. And then a grin, a quiet and mild tone that didn't belong at all. "And thats not the worst of it. Because while you and this Tower did that, it was me, her closest friend who killed her. I was far away from here when she disappeared in that Arch, but I killed all the same, impressive isn't it? You see, she refused her Arches twice before. She was so afraid of what was on the other side she couldn't go through, but she desperately wanted to be Aes Sedai. It was what she was trained for, for the years she was here that was what she was raised for, what everyone expected of her."

 

"I was her best friend, and you know what I did? I told her she had to go through. I went through the Arches the first time myself and my fear be damned and I did it because I wanted to show her that it could be done. You know, in my third arch I left Taei to die at the hands of a Darkfriend? Just as surely as I killed her there I killed her here. I told her that I'd done it and that she could do it, I didn't listen to her. She said she wasn't sure, but I told her I was and that she had what it took. I knew it, I felt it in my bones."

 

A sob racking her, Lillian wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve as she continued. "If I'd been here before the test, I wish I could say that I would have stopped it, but I wouldn't have. If I'd been the friend I should have been, if I hadn't allowed this cursed Tower to become so damn important, I would have realised it, would have been the friend I should have been and I would have told her not to do it. I would have told her that there was more to life than this bloody Tower, that it wasn't worth dying over. That there's an entire world out there that she could have explored, that she could have settled down in. Maybe found a husband, maybe had children. She might have been the scribe she wanted to be just as her father had been."

 

"She could have been all of that, and more. She was more than all of that." Lillian bit her lip as her new tears flowed free, her entire face strained from the effort of trying to hold herself together. "And you ask me if I'm alright, you tell me I could have been hurt. I should have told that to Taei, and burn me, I killed her because of this, all of this."

 

Gesturing around her to the Tower, the grounds, all of it, Lillian shook her head. "And you ask me if I'm alright. I don't need healing, I'm just fine. Just like Taei should be." Biting down on the inside of her mouth because anything less and she would have lost it, Lillian turned and began walking away, almost tottering from the exhaustion of having unleashed everything that had been there. She couldn't even think as more tears rolled down her face, all she could feel was the pain of Taei no longer being there and knowing that it was because of her. Not because she was the one who had made the test, not because she was one of the teachers who had encouraged Taei for years dream to be an Aes Sedai. It was because she had been Taei's best friend, and when Taei had needed her, Lillian hadn't been there, she hadn't listened and she'd pushed Taei into the very deathtrap that Lillian should have saved her from.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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The torrent of emotion that came from the girl made Aramina take a step back. She had long ago gotten used to other people showing so much emotion but straight in her face it was always hard to deal with. In fact, the girl's emotions were so close to her own in some ways it was disarming. Her own guilt over Natalie's death, her feelings about how she had failed her friend by not being with her.

 

She remembered the day she had passed her own test and how it had been Natalie who had comforted her afterwards. When Nat had taken her own, she had run to Aramina as well. She had never had another friend like that and even so many years later it made her heart pound and her eyes sting to think about it.

 

"Taei made her choice Lillian, not you. If you had been there it would still have been her choice." She said, trying to be gentle. The girl's anger was born of grief she knew but it didn't help when she felt so completely out of her element. She wasn't the one that should be doing this, but she was the only one here.

 

"You were her friend and she wouldn't want you to think that way. But she believed in going through that Arch. She believed it was risk to become an Aes Sedai."

 

Aramina

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Stopping in her tracks as Aramina spoke, it was the Aes Sedai's final words that broke something in Lillian. It was risk to become an Aes Sedai... It was risk, Aes Sedai... It wasn't even the boiling rage that overcame Lillian, uncontrollable and quick to burn out once its fuel was consumed. This was different, a rage which hurt in its clarity, leaving her completely aware of what she was doing and saying but without any care beyond responding to what had infuriated her to such a point.

 

Turning, Lillian slowly made her way over to Aramina until she was a couple of inches away from her. Aramina might have had an inch in height but that didn't stop Lillian looking down at her. Digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands in order to regulate the anger, her eyes were narrowed slits as she spoke with vehement disgust. "Don't you ever dare give me that filthy platitude again. What does that mean, it is risk to be Aes Sedai? Does that justify killing people? How many women have died in those Arches? All because its 'risk' to be Aes Sedai? Its a stupid game to play, and Taei deserved alot better than that."

 

"She was fourteen when she first came here, did you know that? Just helped her father all the time before that, got a bit of an education but she never really got to know the world. I don't even think she ever kissed a boy. Ever since she arrived at this Tower, all she was ever taught was that becoming Aes Sedai was the prize, the thing to aspire to. Its not just the teachers, its the Accepted above you, its the Novices beside you, all struggling to reach the same thing. If you fail, you're out. You're training isn't just ended, you're thrown out of this city and never to return. Never to use saidar or draw attention to yourself. I've spent a year without the power, I know what sort of agony it is."

 

"All the years she was here, the years where she grew up and became a woman, being Aes Sedai is all there was, all there is for any of us. Don't you remember? It can't be that different, this Tower never changes which is exactly whats wrong with it. What was she meant to choose? If she left she would not be allowed to channel, and that is agony even if you but touch the power once every few months, and longer than that... She loved books, here in this city is the greatest library in the world and if she refused to go ahead, she would be thrown out of the city and never even be allowed to glimpse the library here again. Everyon she had grown up with since arriving here, her friends, her teachers, everyone, they were all here. What was she meant to do? Give up everything that had been her life since she was fourteen years old and the dream she was always taught to believe? Thats a choice?"

 

Snorting, there was only one more thing left for Lillian to add. "You are right though, Taei would not want me to think this way. Thats because she was a far better friend than I ever was. I wasn't the friend she deserved though, that is why I deserve this and more and even that will never be enough because none of it will bring her back. Its her that should be standing here, not me."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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Without thought Aramina wove without thought. A slap to the face, though not hard but completely unexpected since Aramina had never been known to use the One Power against anyone. She had certainly never slapped anyone in the face with it before. She was furious now, with herself for not having seen the underlying rage in the girl and with Lillian for not grieving in a way that Aramina could understand.

 

"I will not hear those words from you again Accepted." She said, her voice turned cold again. "You disgrace her with your words. She made her choice, the same as you made yours and I made mine. She could have returned to her loving family if she feared as you said she did. She could have done whatever she wanted so long as she kept her ability quiet. We did not force her into those Arches. Yes, she died because of it, but better to know she would leave her Sisters now than when they truly needed her."

 

Aramina knew this was the wrong way to talk to the girl, but she couldn't stop herself. Her own anger was too far gone now and Lillian didn't understand the first thing about being Aes Sedai it seemed. Perhaps she had been wrong about the girl? Perhaps she didn't have what it took to be a good Aes Sedai?

 

"Your friend deserved to live through all this. No one would debate it and if there was a way to save her we would have. When she Arches stopped, she was simply not there. She deserved your love and your grief. Grieve for her, but leave this foolishness behind you Lillian."

 

Aramina

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"Foolishness?"

 

Lillian hadn't expected the slap but it had done nothing to shake off the menace that hung over her. The icy rage that allowed her to see her every single fault, every way she had failed Taei and understand that failure so thoroughly that it was only the rage which stopped her from curling into a ball and trying to deny the self loathing she felt so acutely. It was a rare occasion when Lillian was beyond caring for consequences, usually she was very aware of her actions and their ramifications and always restrained herself, but this was not normal. It was grotesque, a nightmare painted by her own hand and the blood would remain on her hands long after others had forgotten of it.

 

"The disgrace here is my own and the Tower's. Mine is for not acting, not doing the right thing. I failed Taei when it mattered most. But the Tower, it chooses to use its Arches, it doesn't wash its hands clean when the Arches claims another victim. To say that 'she was simply not there' might be a pretty euphemism that helps you absolve the guilt but its not good enough, not even close. Does a murderer who stabs a victim then simply claim that it was the dagger's fault? The murderer chooses to use the dagger, just as the Tower chooses to use those Arches. Now Taei is dead because of it, and all you can say is 'she was simply not there' or 'she believed it was risk to become an Aes Sedai' and what about 'better to know she would leave her Sisters now than when they truly needed her'. Where were the sisters when she needed them? Telling themselves that what was done is done and that what happened was meant to be?"

 

"I knew her best, I know this wasn't right. Call it whatever you want, pretty it up in whatever language is convenient for you. Whatever helps you sleep better at night, but burn you if you think I'll cheapen her and her memory so. Aes Sedai." Turning away, Lillian found as she began walking away that she really wanted to go to her room, shut the world out and pretend it didn't exist for at least awhile. Whatever happened happened, it was beyond her control and she truly no longer cared. Whatever was done would never be enough.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Accepted of the White Tower

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Aramina had more than enough by the time the girl began to walk away. Lillian didn't know how much it had bothered Aramina to be waiting for a girl to come out of the Arches and never have her show. She didn't understand what it was like to be a true Aes Sedai, no matter than she seemed to emulate an Aes Sedai without thinking. Lillian was acting out of grief and while Aramina didn't want to disturb that, she wasn't able to take the abuse for something that was not her fault. Regardless of her own feelings about the Arches, she would not have been able to stop this particular girl from going through.

 

She watched her go back to the Tower and only when she was certain the girl was going back to her rooms did she allow herself a detour to talk to the Mistress of Novices about Lillian. She didn't say anything specifically, but mentioned that Lillian was still grieving and that her attitude would need some careful handling in the coming days. It seemed to be all under control already, though Aramina felt that handling it meant ignoring it more than anything else.

 

So with a sigh she made her way back to the Accepted's room. She knocked lightly, though the door was slightly ajar. "Lillian, it's Aramina." She said, pointed leaving off both their titles. There was no answer to Aramina pushed the door open.

 

She was horrified by the girl's normally pristine room. It was a mess, no other word for it. Not only that but Aramina didn't like the many sharp edges she could see sitting around. Knives, tools, the hard edges of stones, all things she could easily hurt herself with both on purpose or by accident.

 

"Lillian?" She said the name again, louder this time though she was almost close enough to touch now.

 

Aramina

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