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A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

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Decided to start a new thread for this as the other one was getting pretty long.

 

If you're curious as to what went on in the past, here's a link to Dear Reds, part 1.

 

 

How does this thread work? It's simple:

 

This is a thread where everyone (Red and non-Red alike) can post a 'dear Red' letter concerning something from their RL. The letter can be short and sweet or long and elaborate. Whatever tickles your fancy. It can be a one sentence post announcing how happy you to have finished up spring cleaning or a 20 paragraph short story about your encounter with a garbage stealing squirrel. Or just to let us know how you feel or need to vent about something.

 

The idea is 'not' that this turns into a discussion or a debate. Though it is common that people react to letters (like to give congratulations or support or a simple hug or ask questions or some such), anyone can at any time add their own letter even if it doesn't fall in line with the ongoing theme. This is a no-spam area, so if you want to react to a post then react to it but don't loiter it with spam. We got other places for that :)

 

Basically it's a sort of latest news thing, that allows us to get to know you better and to inform us what's going on in your RL.

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Dear Reds,

 

Some of you may be aware of this, but I'm going to Chicago end of May to visit a long time friend of mine. Now I don't know whether to hug or bite him when I get there. He sent me a Christmas package. Mostly simple baubles but there was one thing that triggered instant Aes Sedai face. He sent me a ...... pink cap. A pink one! To me! :mellow:

 

seriously....

 

 

Love,

Torny

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Dear Reds,

 

Well, I'm coming up on the end of my term as President of my organization... it's a bit odd to be staring down the end. I'll have to transfer authority to someone... but I don't see anyone who seems interested or ready for the position. I mean, I could technically run again... but I don't think I want that. Hopefully there's someone good for the organization hiding in the wings, just waiting to be found. On the one hand, I do still want what is best for the organization, but on the other hand (I'm up to three, right?), I'm more than a bit burnt out with the organization. I still care about the issues but after more than a year of being the most invested person, I think stepping aside gracefully is the best option for me. I'll continue to work on the issues, but using my own contacts and time as I see fit... rather than working through the unmotivated, bureaucratic obstructionists. See, that last clause sounded more bitter than I meant to sound... but I can't think of a better way to frame it. Anyhoo. I've got until mid May to find a successor. Wish me luck on that.

 

At the same time, I'm working on finishing university, finding a job that can support my education jones, and that keeps me fed. I've got a decent job currently, but it doesn't bring in enough to support school and living... which is a problem. So, I'm looking for a second job. Which is extremely frustrating, because it took four months to find this part time gig. I've got a lead or two, and I'm making a point to send out a few resumes a day. Hopefully, I'll find job #2 relatively quickly... and let's hope that it either brings in enough so I can quit job #1 or doesn't conflict with job #1.

 

All told, though, my life is pretty decent. I have my health, as do most of my family members, and we're all keeping on. I'm just looking ahead and trying to figure out how to get to the next stepping stone in my life-plan. Is it odd that I have a life-plan? Meh... whether it's odd or not, I have one, and I'm mostly on target. There have been deviations, but they've been good to me in the most part. They were chances to learn skills, make mistakes, and grow. We all need those.

 

Thanks for the opportunity to vent a bit,

 

Phelix

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Dear Torny,

 

I don't have any clear advice because I don't know the situation.

But, pink? Seriously? THat's almost as bad as the time a friend gave me a set of lovely pearl earrings for Christmas.

I can't wear earrings- piercings get infected and gross in my right ear no matter what I wear, so I let the holes grow in.

 

 

Dear Phelix,

I understand your stresses of finding a suitable successor to run your organization. I take it this is a university org or something, where the members shift around. A bad president can ruin an org, even in a small university, simply by not keeping up with the org.

 

Working 2 jobs and going to school can be a nightmare. I did it once, and it nearly killed me. Hopefully your new job that you find will give you enough to quit job #1.

 

I hope I've been of help.

Moon

 

Dear Reds,

 

I need a friend right now. My hubby and I are dealing with issues and the only friends I have that I can really reach out to are his friends too, and won't be objective.

Plus, it would embarrass him if I brought our issues out to his buddies.

For now, I will say he's trying to quit 'smoking.' The problem is that he only "smokes" after I go to bed, when I am at school, or when I am not around. Which is not often, but it is often enough that his "smoking" is ruining our life.I feel like I must baby sit him or he'll relapse.

He's honestly trying to quit, but I found things this morning, in the Recycle Bin that I am not sure about.

What should I do? Confront and fight? Should I believe him?

 

Moon

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Moon,

 

Not a red, but I do have some advice, from a husband's [well, ex-husband's] perspective. Don't "confront" him. Talk to him. Not angrily, but lovingly. Hit the high notes: You know how hard it is to quit an addiction like "smoking," you're proud of him for working on it, you love the fact that he's willing to do it because he knows your relationship is more important than cigarettes (OK, I'm driving this metaphor into the ground but I don't care, especially since I'm not quite sure what it's a metaphor for [a few possibilities come to mind]), etc. This accomplishes 2 things:

 

1) Sets the ground. This isn't a fight, you aren't attacking him, and he doesn't need to defend himself when you start talking about what you found.

 

2) Reminds him that the person he wants to be is a person who isn't smoking.

 

Then, only after you've done all of that, mention what you found, reassure him that you're not angry at him, just taking it as a sign that he could use some more help from you or others to really quit, and ask him what you can do to help him quit smoking. You may want to look into something like a support group or other online community of people also trying to quit smoking - it's hard to change on your own, even when you really, really want to (and I say that from personal experience), and having even one other person to reach out to when you feel like backsliding can only help.

 

I know there's a part of you that wants to "confront" him because, lets face it, you actually are mad/scared/etc. But if the goal is getting him to really quit smoking, will confronting him help you reach that goal? Or no? If not, then vent to your friends (my ear's always open, you know), then put the anger/frustration aside when you're dealing with him.

 

Hey, you know your husband best, so if you think confronting him really would be the best thing, then go for it. But there are probably fewer people for whom that approach is the best way.

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*stares at Kivam* *faints* who let you in...just teasing.

 

Dear Ahmoon, I have to agree with Kivam, giving up smoking is so hard. confronting him will only push him into covering it up and make a little streak in his subconscious not wanting to give up, he needs encouragement.

 

Dear Reds,

 

It's my daughters birthday this week and unfortunately, due to a lot going on she will not be having a party. On the actual day she has to go to her ballet and jazz classes because she has a show in two weeks and can't afford to miss anything. I also can't afford much for her Birthday and she seems to think she can have anything she wants. I am at least taking Tuesday afternoon off so that 1. I can bake her a cake (I prefer homemade to shop one) and 2. Because it's Pancake day and thought it would be a treat for me to do them than the child minder. All I ask for is a little strength just to get through this week, despite the tantrums that may be forth coming.... *sighs*

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*stares at Kivam* *faints* who let you in...just teasing.

 

Elgee - though I think it was because she liked the way the Novice dress would look on me. Personally, I think the cut's a bit off, but hey, what do I know about dresses?

 

 

 

Dear Reds,

 

It's my daughters birthday this week and unfortunately, due to a lot going on she will not be having a party. On the actual day she has to go to her ballet and jazz classes because she has a show in two weeks and can't afford to miss anything. I also can't afford much for her Birthday and she seems to think she can have anything she wants. I am at least taking Tuesday afternoon off so that 1. I can bake her a cake (I prefer homemade to shop one) and 2. Because it's Pancake day and thought it would be a treat for me to do them than the child minder. All I ask for is a little strength just to get through this week, despite the tantrums that may be forth coming.... *sighs*

 

Not sure how old your daughter is, but if she's old enough but not too old, here's an idea for a cheap party that my parents once threw me (I was 9 or 10) and we all absolutely loved: A games tournament. Everyone came over to my house, and there were "stations" set up all over the house with different games - Sorry, Clue, cards, etc. - for my friends to play. You rotated through the areas, and whoever won the most games got a prize (a $2.00 pack of baseball cards, in my case). They got some of my friends' parents to help "run" the games (basically, stand there, eat some chips, make sure there were no fights, and keep score of who won), had a homemade cake and some snacks, and for less than $40 I had a birthday party that all my friends talked about for weeks after.

 

Anyway, hope that helps. If not . . . well, it's a cool story that you made me remember, so thanks :biggrin:

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I ave to agree, you do look good in a Novices outfit.

 

Thanks for the story, it actually made me feel better, she may not be able to have a party straight away, but I can fix something fun and cheap for her and she would love playing games like that! Hey I would! hehe

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Dear Moon and everyone else,

 

 

You know how there is that one person who believed in you and kept encouraging you? Ever had someone like that? You don't want to let them down, they believe in you and you want to be worthy of that faith. They praise you for not giving in to your addictions and suddenly the urge to live up to their expectations over powers your addictions. When you begin to doubt yourself their belief gives you strength. It is their belief that holds you up when your own fails. try to believe in him and show him that you believe in him. Praise him for the things he is doing right. If he goes for a whole day without smoking don't just overlook it, be sincere and tell him how proud you are. Tell him you knew he could do it. Encourage him and support him. Believe in him and he will believe in himself. It won't necessarily work immediately but don't underestimate the power of belief.

 

I hope this helps... and people it applies to many, many situations. Remember it well.

 

Cheers,

 

Loran

 

P.S Just in case, there is of course the possibility that someone thinks they've fooled you. Or in another circumstance maybe someone gets bigheaded or something. use this with common sense and you should do just fine. It's not so much the specifics but more the general principles you should understand. Basically the power of positive motivation a.k.a inspiration.

 

One more thing be sincere. False flattery isn't gonna do anyone any good. :wink:

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Thanks guys. I feel a little better. We've talked it out, and everything is okay.

 

Really glad to hear it. If you ever need to vent, or an objective outsider to bounce things off of, I'm around

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Dear Moon,

Glad you worked it out. My husband and I will be trying to quit smoking again. It can be so hard.

 

Hey Talya!

 

My daughter birthday was this week too and we are in the same situation. I told her she would have to wait for a party. We still had cake and gave her a few presents, but her party will wait till later this month. She was ok with it, no real big fits. Your strong, I know you can make it, even if she does throw a fit.

 

Or you can always duck tape her to the wall. :wink:

 

 

Dear Reds,

 

Ahhhh tax time is here. The bad news = I have to sit and work for hours on my taxes. The good news = I get money back this year. More money that I thought I would. :laugh:

 

Signed,

Waiting for the check!

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Ahmoon, I'm so gald things have worked out, it must have been a bit of a relief for him too.

 

Torrie, that so made me laugh, I'm off to buy the tape soon, lol. The plans have changed again, because I forgot I have a training course tomorrow so may not make it back in time to pick her up from the bus. I have however got this afternoon off, so I can make her a lovely cake for when a few of the family come round on Wednesday. But the party will have to be delayed, due to too much going on. Luckily the tantrums only last a few minutes, though she is learning to do 'that look' when she is displeaded. Why do I have to have a proper little actress for a daughter, you always know her mood, lol.

 

Poor you Torrie, I'm so glad I don't have to do that. But at least you are getting some money back, I hope you are going to treat yourself!

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Dear Reds,

 

IWW is over. Everyone did a great job, once again.

 

Work is busy and schoolwork is harder and harder. Have I ever told you I hate math? No? I hate math. **Nods**

 

Signed,

Brain tired.

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Dear Reds,

 

IWW was fun and amazing. Everyone did an awesome job with it, and it made me proud to be a small part of it.

The work of IWW really made me look at the Red Ajah closely and appreciate what the group is about.

 

Now, time to do two 20 page papers and finish reading the remaining 12 books for my capstone.

 

*dies too*

 

Moon

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dear Reds,

 

It's been months since I was sent to the farm real life consumed me. I still haven't been able to find the pause button. I'm the captain of my derby team, and of our league's All Star team. It's daunting. Mostly because I've got a load of alpha females not sure why they should take instruction from a girl who's only got a year under her belt. My assertiveness is throwing them off guard a bit, which I have to admit, makes me giggle. Went to TarValon's 10th Anni, my apartment flooded a bit while I was there (lost books, clothes, shoes :() and am now shifting gears to JordanCon. With that, I've got a game in Louisiana on the 20th, locally on April 2nd and May 7th, in Houston May 21st and a national tournament June 10-12. I think my work might be suffering because I'm always thinking about not-work - but so far they haven't said anything. (outside of catching me doing not-work in January and calling me out for it - reason #2 I've been away)

 

So, about that pause button?

 

Yele

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Dear Reds

 

I just wanted to say: AWESOME JOB ON IWW!!! :ohmy:

 

*presses pause button for everyone for a few days*

Elgee

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dear reds,

 

why is it that when i try to take some time out for myself and have a fun time with my friends, that people get all weird about the fact that one of my closest friends is a guy. Seriously, if i don't have to explain myself to my husband (who understands and is just fine with everything i'm going through at the moment) then why the hell would i have to explain myself to anyone else???

 

<3 Ama

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Dear Reds,

 

I'm unfortunately going through a time of my life in which I wish people would stop opening up to me... They tell me their secrets and their problems, and my only advise is to tell them they're stupid and they need to stop whatever they're doing, and that would fix their problems. Sometimes I just don't have the guts to say it, and have conflicting interests in the situation... It's breaking me down.

 

 

Signed,

Dazed and Confused

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Dear Moon,

 

Thanks for making me feel less lonely! *snugglebites hard and giggles*

 

 

Dear Yele,

 

*tons of snugs* Atleast it's been a good busy too, with Anni and all (about which I am VERY jealous :tongue: )

 

 

Dear Ama,

 

That's exactly it, you shouldn't. Let them think whatever they like, there's no point in trying to convince them otherwise. :rolleyes:

 

 

Dear Adella,

 

*snugglebites* I think I know how you feel and honestly, you can either be honest or tell them straight out that you have conflicting interests and while you do value their trust in you, you can't take stuff on that will break you down.

But yeah, we'll dose you with snugglebites as you need them :smile:

 

 

 

Dear Reds,

 

You're all amazing ya know? :biggrin:

Oh and I hate my brother who told me yesterday that my big mouth is gonna get me into trouble/ keep me from achieveing anything in life.

 

My only thought on that is... I'm Red, so he can stick his words wherever he likes (on his own person of course :tongue: )

 

Love,

happily-cranky

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Dear Tynaal-

 

Well Behaved women rarely make history.

 

If Elizabeth Cady Stanton didn't have a loud mouth, American women would not be able to vote; The same with Emmeline Pankhurst and Great Britain. If Elizabeth I of England didn't have a loud mouth, the she wouldn't have been able to hold on to her throne.

 

Telling any woman, especially a Red, to control her "loud mouth" is no more or less than a patriarchical society telling you to get in your "place."

 

You're brother is just misinformed.

 

*snugglebites*

 

Moon,

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