Can you face your fears? Or would you run? (Taei's Arches)

[Taei]

With a sigh Taei collapsed into her bed. Such a long day. She burried into her warm covers and was glad that she didn't have any early morning chores scheduled for the next day. Reveling in the clean feeling of having just bathed and changed clothes she wasn't far from sleep. The day that she had spent mucking out stalls in the stable was over. Not having the energy to even contemplate why she had been sent to the stables she quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

--

 

Shaking, the whole world was shaking! Sitting upright in bed Taei was shocked to find the Mistress of Novices standing at the foot of her bed. Still not thinking clearly she simply blinked up at the other woman and wished that she could put her head back down on the pillow, but some part of her mind knew better than to attempt it. "Come child." Was all the Mistress of Novices said. She then turned around and walked over to the door.

 

Still half awake Taei simply acted on instinct. She put on her slippers and wrapped her robe around her then followed the Aes Sedai out the door. Winding through the labirynth of corridors Taei tried to get her mind to wake up. The sleepiness fogging her brain didn't want to lift. Simply following Taei had no idea where they were going. When they finally stopped at a doorway it snapped her mind back to the present. She knew that she was deep in the heart of the tower. Deep down she knew that there was only one reason she would be brought down here in the middle of the night by the Mistress of Novices. Light help me!

 

The Mistress of Novices opened the door and then stood back, waving for Taei to go through first. Taking a deep breath she entered the room. The room seemed more like a cathedrial to Taei because unlike the rest of the rooms she had seen in the tower this one was like a dome. The most striking thing in the room, though was the ter'angreal. It's three silver arches seemed delicate and Taei wondered if it would break if you touched them or where they met the thick silver ring that supported them. Where each arch touched the ring there was an Aes Sedai sitting, concentrating on the silvery structure. Another Aes Sedai stood behind a table that had three silver chalices filled with water sitting on it. She didn't remember seeing any of the sisters present more than as someone she passed in the hallways. All of them and the Mistress of Novices were wearing their shawls.

 

I've been called. They want me to face my fears. Can I face my fears? What if...? The thoughts flew through her head like a whirlwind until she was interrupted by the Mistress of Novices.

 

"Two things that no woman hears until she enters this room. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, no matter your potential and you will be very kindly put out of the Tower with enough silver to support you a year, and you will never be allowed back. Second. To streek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger here. Some women have entered, and never come out. When the ter’angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they - were - not - there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Faltering leads to a failure.â€

 

“This is your last chance, child. You may turn back now, and you will have only mark against you. Twice more will you be allowed to come here, and only at the third refusal will you be put out of the Tower. It is no shame to refuse. Many cannot do it their first time here. Now you may speak.â€

 

I can't I just can't. What if I see myself die? What if I kill someone? And my past... it's just painful. Feeling the sweat bead up on her forehead she noticed that she was almost gasping for air. Panicing. Every nerve in her body told her to run, to run from the room. "No!"

 

Running from the room she almost collapsed outside the door. Half from fear, half from exhaustion. She felt as if she had run ten miles uphill. "I just can't. I can't!" She collapsed in a heap and sobbed.

 

When her sobs had subsided she heard the door open behind her. The Mistress of Novices gently laid a hand on her shoulder and helped her to her feet. The understanding written in the woman's face made Taei feel better and worse all at the same time. I failed, I failed the test of will. On the verge of tears again she stood and followed the Mistress of Novices back to her quarters. Tears made impossible for her to see anything but an outline of the figure that she followed through the hallways. Finally stopping at her doorway Taei felt relief wash over her.

 

"It's all right, child. Not all who come to that room can go in their first time." Putting a hand comfortingly on her shoulder she went on, "You will have two more chances, child." With a small smile the Aes Sedai walked off leaving Taei standing outside her door. Taei almost felt numb. She opened the door, replaced her robe and slippers and laid back down in her bed. I failed! Taei sobbed once more, all the fears she didn't know, all the things she couldn't face. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime she had managed to sob herself to sleep.

[Taei]

Her talk with Lillian had helped a lot. She knew that the fear wasn't logical, but talking it out had helped. Knowing that the ter'angreal didn't always show you things that you were afraid of, but things that you needed to know, helped. She was much more at ease about it. In fact she was excited. She had finally been considered for Acceptedhood.

 

Brushing her hair she pictured herself as an Aes Sedai. All the things she would do and the places she would go. Putting the brush down she went to her bed. Maybe I will have a good night's sleep now.

 

--

 

The sound of the door opening woke Taei up. Opening her sleepy eyes she was surprised to see the Mistress of Novices in her room again. "Come child." Blinking Taei wondered if she was dreaming. But as the Mistress of Novices just stood there smiling down on her she woke up more. I don't think this is a dream. I've never asked myself if I was dreaming in a dream before.

 

Sitting up Taei gathered her robe and slippers and followed the Mistress of Novices. Without the fog of sleepiness she paid close attention to her surroundings this time. She wanted to remember where the room was, or try to.

 

Finally they stopped at a familiar door. The Mistress of Novices opened it and waved Taei through. Knowing what was to come Taei walked through without hesitation this time. All right, I can do this this time.

 

The Mistress of Novices took her place and started to talk. Words that Taei remembered from the last time she was here. "Two things that no woman hears until she enters this room. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, no matter your potential and you will be very kindly put out of the Tower with enough silver to support you a year, and you will never be allowed back. Second. To streek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger here. Some women have entered, and never come out. When the ter’angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they - were - not - there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Faltering leads to a failure.â€

 

Faltering leads to failure... What if I fail? What if I never come back!

 

“This is your last chance, child. You may turn back now, and you will have only two marks against you. Once more will you be allowed to come here, and only at the third refusal will you be put out of the Tower. It is no shame to refuse. Many cannot do it their first time here. Now you may speak.â€

 

What if... what if... "I..." Taei tried to swallow the fear that was building up. "I... I can't!" Almost immobilized she slowly made her way to the door. It was like she was paralized. What if I never come back? What would happen to me? Would I die in there or would I just cease to be?

 

Beyond tears, Taei felt numb from head to toe. In a daze she followed the Mistress of Novices automatically. She just sat on her bed dazed for about an hour. Then she collapsed sobbing into her pillow. I've failed again! I've failed! What's wrong with me? I can't! I can't! I might as well go home. Taei sobbed. Her dream of becoming Aes Sedai seemed unreachable. Within her grasp, but still so far away. She just couldn't seem to cross that barrier. She wondered if she ever could...

[Taei]

OOC: Related threads to my arches...

 

Talking it Out (Attn: Lillian) - After my first attempt.

Talking it Out - Part 2 (Attn: Lillian) - After my second attempt.

[Taei]

The creak of a door was all it took to awaken Taei most nights. Opening her eyes she was surprised to see the Mistress of Novices in her room yet again. "Come child." The Mistress of Novices just stood at the doorway looking a bit anxious this time. Sitting up Taei gathered her robe and slippers and followed the Mistress of Novices.

 

Remembering well the path to be taken this time, Taei paid more attention to the items lining the walls than where she was going. She knew the route well and tried not to think about it least anxiety creap in.

 

Finally they stopped at a very familiar door. The Mistress of Novices opened it and waved Taei through. Knowing what was to come Taei walked through. Now or never. The room was setup the same as always. Three Aes Sedai concentrating on the silver ter'angreal, one standing at the table with the silver chalices and the Mistress of Novices in the center of the room. All of them wearing, as always, their shawls.

 

The Mistress of Novices took her place and started to talk. Words that Taei remembered from the last time she was here. "Two things that no woman hears until she enters this room. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, no matter your potential and you will be very kindly put out of the Tower with enough silver to support you a year, and you will never be allowed back. Second. To streek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger here. Some women have entered, and never come out. When the ter'angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they - were - not - there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Faltering leads to a failure. This is your last chance, child. You may turn back now, and you will have only two marks against you. Once more will you be allowed to come here, and only at the third refusal will you be put out of the Tower. It is no shame to refuse. Many cannot do it their first time here. Now you may speak."

 

Taking a deep breath, Taei steadied herself. "I'm ready."

 

The sister beside the table spoke up. “Whom do you bring with you, Sister?”

 

“One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister.” the Mistress of Novices responded, starting the litany that was familiar in it's own way.

 

“Is she ready?”

 

“She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.”

 

“Does she know her fears?”

 

“She has never faced them, but now is willing.”

 

“Then let her face what she fears.”

 

"Undress, child." Looking shocked for only a moment Taei did as she was told without question. Guiding Taei by the elbow, the Mistress of Novices moved towards the first faintly glowing arch, “The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

 

After another deep breath Taei walked trough the archway and into... her bedroom.

 

Bed neatly made, shelves lined with books and nick-nacks that she had collected over the years. The plain wooden desk that she had been given as a birthday present. All was as it should be.

 

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. A reminder sounded in her head. "It's a test, only a test. I can do this." Unsure of what she was supposed to be doing she looked around the room and eventually sat on the bed. There seemed to be something she was missing, but she couldn't seem to figure it out. Laying back to try to think for a minute she dozed briefly.

 

"Feeling better now?" Opening her eyes Taei saw her mother standing over her, just as she had always been described to her as a girl, blonde hair up in a bun and wearing a blue riding dress. "Better?" Taei croaked, her throat suddenly dry. Licking her lips Taei noticed the concern on the woman's face. "You've been sick. Thank the Light that there was an Aes Sedai in town, otherwise you might not still be with us."

 

Trying to get her bearings Taei sat up in bed. She felt weak all over, but that was to be expected. "It is? I know it's true, but I've never been around Aes Sedai, have I?"

 

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. That was supposed to mean something, but Taei didn't remember what. Almost like her concience trying to remind her of a valuable lesson. "Can you get up?" Taei nodded weakly. "Good. It will be easier if you can come to the table to eat. We can talk about what happened then as well." With a smile her mother started to walk away.

 

A silver arch winked into existance at the other side of her room. Instantly Taei knew what had happened. What she was supposed to remember, it all came back in a rush. "It's so nice here, though. To be with my mother. Catch up on all the things that we never did, that we never had a chance to."

 

Just the other side of the doorway her mother stopped and turned around. "Coming?" "What if I stay here? What if this moment continued forever? What if we could redo everything, just start fresh and live all over again." Torn, Taei stood there as if stunned, undecided as to what to do. "Taei, my love, you all right." Turning towards her mother she could feel the tears rolling down her face. Taei noticed the arch was gone. "Yes, Mom, I'm fine, just fine."

 

---

 

Everyone in the room watched the silver archway of the ter'angreal. Hoping, praying that the young girl that had went in would come out again. It had been a long time, too long. All of them knew what had happened, but they still hoped.

 

Finally ter'angreal went cold and there was nothing there. Now came the hard part, letting all her friends and family know that Taei Mirel was no more. She was just simply not there.

 

 

OOC: Open for up to four Aes Sedai and the MoN to post in this thread. Something not done much (or at all, not sure).

[Lavinya]

Pia will definitely be making an appearance here. I'll edit this with a reply soon. :D

[Nynaeve]

Nynaeve stood next to the table where the silver chalices stood, awaiting with the other two Aes Sedai present for the Mistress of Novices who went to fetch Taei. It was rumored that the child has refused the test twice before. That meant that this was the last time she was given the chance, before being cast out of the tower.

 

Nynaeve understood Taei's fear. Every Aes Sedai did, even if most did not appear they did. An Aes Sedai's arches were extremely personal and was shared, if at all, with intimate friends. Many have been scarred by their arches. The one who managed to find their way back, that is.

 

Pure temptation. That was what the arches represented. They came to test one's dedication. The tower had to be the first priority. Above all. Above a mother, above a father, above sibling, above a lover, above everything. Even yourself. Loyalty and responsibility were tested in such a way. And the ones who did not have an abundance of both never returned.

 

Nynaeve moved her eyes to the entrance as the doors opened to reveal the Mistress of Novices and Taei. Closing her eyes, Nynaeve murmured a pray, as she always did for every Novice who was going to enter the arches, hoping the creator would illumine their way back. After Taei agreed to take the test, Nynaeve exchanged ceremonial words with the Mistress of Novices and Taei was sent into the Terangreal.

 

The link was held between the thee Sedai. Nynaeve wasn't the one controlling it, but she could feel the source being fed into the Arches. Time seemed to stretch as time passed. Nynaeve couldn't stop staring at it, waiting for the Novice's tiny figure to come out.

 

Abruptly, the vibration of the Terangreal stopped and it grew cold. The link dissolved and Nynaeve's eyes widened. "She's...gone." Shivers ran down Nynaeve's spine at her own words. She didn't know Taei at all. A stranger's face, nothing more. She shouldn't have meant anything to Nynaeve, yet she did. Her loss weighed on Nynaeve's heart. It pained her to see someone so young and promising to be lost to, what at times seemed to her, a cruel and unncessary test.

 

 

Walking to the Arches, Nynaeve sighed heavily and ran her hand over it. Deep inside she wanted to channel into the arches and run inside to rescue Taei. But she knew that if she did enter, she would meet her own personal hell, one she wasn't keen on seeing ever again.

 

Looking up at the Arches, Nynaeve frowned. She had seen that artifact claim too many lives. Of course it was never proven that the Arches' victims were dead, but they were gone from the world. Nynaeve hoped they were living a dream and not being swallowed in darkness.

 

All she could do was hope.

 

 

 

Nyn

Yellow

[TaeaDawn]

Aramina hated to be included in these things. Everytime she walked into this room she remembered her own Arches and the truths they had revealed. Unfortunately for Aramina, it hadn't been until the night of her Vigil within the Green Ajah had she truly understood the depth of her passion for the Tower and the fact that everyone in her life paled when placed next to the needs of the Tower. Natalie had just been the first to lose out in that particular battle.

 

As the young woman was brought in Aramina took a deep breath and calmed herself. Everyone who walked in this room understood the risk, but knowing that didn't help to make her feel any less nervous. Another deep breath as the other Aes Sedai reached for the source and Aramina followed.

 

She kept her eyes forward, concentrating on the arch so much that she didn't notice time or the nervous glances that happened around her. When the Arches finally fell silent she took another deep breath to keep the sorrow from showing through.

 

She'd never been at the Arches when someone had been lost but she had experienced it more than once within the Tower. She didn't know if it was her participation in the Arches or something else, but this hit her harder than it had before and she had to keep her facade firmly in place to keep from showing it.

 

The girl was gone. No knowing why. No understanding or knowledge could be gained from it. The girl was gone and the White Tower was left with one less supporter. As the others spoke soft words to one another, Aramina simply stared into the Arches, wondering where the White Tower had gone wrong for that girl.

 

Aramina sur Dulciena

Battle Sister