Family Reunions – Dark Clouds Up Ahead (FL/SG)

[Guest Celes]

Alexander smiled at his daughter as she heeded her horse into a gallop, she was eager to get to Cairhien and find her mother and Alex could not blame her. He had received a short letter from her and his princess had found it, she had yelled at him and cried for he had kept her from her mother. They had reconciled as Alex had to promise that he would take her to meet her mother, he had left his girlfriend, Elia behind, pregnant carrying his child, another promise he had to keep. To return to her and be a part of a new family, his own family. The thought of finding Elia with a soft rounding in her belly when he returned in a month or two, that was what kept him going. She had allowed him to leave, though hesitant as they both knew that Matalina had problems that were not easy to deal with. She had chosen a life away form Tar Valon, was considered dead by all who knew her, save Alex and now he would look her up again.

 

Fawne gazed over her father and smiled, “What are you thinking now daddy? That we won’t make it back to Tar Valon? Auntie Elia will have a beautiful baby and we shall both support her when that happens, maybe mommy will even join us back to the city,†she smiled and settled the horse in a calm pace to ride next to her father. He expected them to arrive on the Ranch Matalina had described by the end of the day, that left them alone for a good four hours in which he would have to imprint it on Fawne that her mother had a new life now. “Fawne, I have told you that your mother has changed, you know how we talked about that?†Fawne nodded and said, “Yes, she goes by your name now, she is even more my mother, as Cari Namere,†Alex nodded. His daughter was not stupid, not a small child who would speak off her mouth, she was smart and understood what it meant to all of them to have this reunion.

 

They spoke a little while longer about how Cari would be, they tried both very hard to adjust to her new name, Alex had more trouble with that than his daughter did, after all she could call the woman ‘mother’. Daddy? Do you think she will recognize me?†Alex grinned and reached out to ruffle the dark manes she had for hair. "Of course, you look exactly as you did when she left, dark manes and ice blue eyes, she will know who you are instantly, I promise you that,†and how he wished to hold her now. He was afraid of what would happen if Matalina did not want to let go of Fawne, what if this was her time now to take care of their daughter. That she felt that Alex had had her long enough and it was her turn now. Alex tried not to think of the what if’s and instead tried to keep them both safe. “We’re close,†he said as they reached a village that fit Matalina’s description perfectly. “We’ll try to find her now, maybe a local knows where the Ranch is, saves us a good ride around town,†he said in a light voice. It was important that Fawne was happy, that was what mattered now. All else would come as the Wheel would turn, in due time.

 

Alexander Namere

Fawne Namere

[Matalina]

Cari found herself in town picking up a package for Nathan. Strange and odd feelings kept wafting through her, things that felt like she should know what they meant. Something was definately different and it was growing stronger as time passed. Aiden and Kate were at home playing with Talyor and Seira, it would soon be time to take Seria back to her father, as his day would be done. It was good to have a girl for Kate to play with instead of just the boys.

 

Cari picked up the package for Nathan and found the feeling was ever stronger. A pair of riders came into town and were asking Yosa Dartherach, Fairhaven's major a question. Yosa turned around and saw Cari and smiled and waved, said something to them and they started approaching.

 

Cari felt a vague awareness dawn on her. Alex? Why hadn't she connected the feeling. Nine years away from the heart bond was the reason, it was an odd sensation to feel Alex again. She sighed and hoped that her nervousness didn't float too strongly over the bond. With out the void this was going to be a very difficult situation. Cari closed her eyes as they approached. This was going to be very difficult.

 

The riders stopped in front of her and she wondered if they recongized her. Fawne surely wouldn't but would Alex. His former lover did not wear dresses nor did she have light brown hair and wear some make up. Cari was very different from Mataina. Cari held her blue linen skirt to the side and curtsied. "Can I help you?"

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Alex talked to the man and was directed to a small house at the edge of the village, the man he spoke to said that Cari was often there and if she was not, the people there could help them. Alex nodded and thanked the man, Fawne rode ahead but Alex kept behind as a strange feeling crept up on him. He felt cold sweat in his neck and began to breathe deeper, what was going on? Fawne! Hold on,†he called and she did. A woman appeared at her side and Alex slid from the saddle as he watched her, she curtsied and smiled at them. She looked familiar, she was familiar.

 

Fawne also descended from the saddle and asked the woman if she knew of a Cari Namere, the woman did not reply but kept looking at Fawne. Alex nodded to himself, his hand moving to his neck and he whiped some of the sweat off. He was panting now and his cheeks turned aflame. Fawne turned to him and her bright icy blue eyes went big in surprise. Dad? What’s the matter with you? Are you sick?†she called and did not pay attention to the woman anymore.

 

He regained control over himself by closing his eyes and then breathing in deep. “This is Cari Namere, Fawne, your mother,†he said and he was sure that it was true. Fawne gasped and stared at the woman who was still standing there. She started to tear up, but looked composed as Alex had told her that she needed to be careful. He was proud of her, but all the while gave her a soft push to her back, “Go say hi, Fawne,†And his daughter did just that, “H-h-hi,†she looked visibly pale and then muttered, “I am Fawne, are you my mother?†and smiled awkwardly at this strange woman.

 

She looked so much more like a woman and so much less like a fighter, Alex was shocked by it. She was Matalina, she was Cari and he could feel their Heartbond, which he had ignored for so many years. He had ignored his feelings for her, in search of a new life and now he stood before her and suddenly all went black before his eyes and Alex had to hold his head not to faint. He was tired, that and the shock of seeing his old lover, that was it, he knew.

 

Alexander & Fawne

[Matalina]

The girl stammered out a hello and a question and all Cari could do was nod. All she could feel was her own emotions echoing back on her from Alex. The feelings so long a part were to intense. After years of holding her emotions in and then learning to deal with them here in Fairhave and at the Rashad Ranch, such a rush of emotions was proving to be intolerable. Cari reached inside her to a place she only went when she left her santuary here. The place were she could kill, and brought up the void. You could see both Alex and Cari relax a little.

 

Cari smiled at Alex and nodded her appologies. "Yes, Fawne, I'm your mother. I'm going to appologize now for the harsh coldness to my voice, it has been a long time since I have had to use the void. Your father and I need a little adjusting time." Cari curtsied again to her daughter. "Mount up and I will get my steed and take you to my home."

 

Cari kept the children a secret, perhaps she would send them home with Seira. Cari wasn't sure she wanted Alex or Fawne to know of the twins. "I need to stop into a friends house and ask them a favor. It will make our housing arrangements a bit easier."

 

Tain Cor was stabled at Achet's post anyway. Cari entered the barrel makers shop and asked him if he could take Aiden and Kate for a few nights while she had company. She gave Achet very little information of who they were, but when he was outside he got slightly jealous. Cari smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. "No worries, Achet, he's not a threat."

 

Cari and Achet had no relationship but their friendship built upon the single parenthood each of them experienced. He didn't know of her past and she didn't intend him to know. But Achet agreed to take the twins and Cari left the shop with other worries on her hand.

 

Cari lead Tain Cor over to her former family. "Are you ready?" She hated being in the void and let it slip slightly, perhaps the ride would help them get accostom to each other again. She held her feelings to herself, in a tight ball as the void slid off and back into the darkness of her profession.

 

Cari lead the way to the Ranch in vitrual silence. It was an awkward trip.

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Fawne had imagined for weeks since she had known about her mother living in Cairhien, how it would be to actually meet her. Now that that moment had occurred, she felt a mixture of emotions surge through her. From shyness about being near this strange woman, to curiosity as to whom she truly was and a hint of fear, for there was still so much she did not know. Like, why had her mother left and told everyone she had died? Why was her new life a secret, hidden under a new name, so far away from Tar Valon. Fawne did not trust that she would find answers to all her questions and now her worry about the secrecy was enlarged by her dad feeling sick. He looked pale, had shown signs of dizziness and he did not speak to her at all. What was going on here?

 

They reached a farm land and then a few houses that stood close together, her mother led the horses to the stable and talked to a young man there for a while. Fawne looked with interest, curious to see who this was when her father pulled her away. “Fawne, stay close to me, ok?†her dad asked her and she nodded. “Of course dad, where would I go?†He shrugged and said that he needed a sip of water soon. She walked over to where Cari, Matalina, well her mother was standing and asked if she could get some water for her dad. The woman pointed to a kitchen in a small house she said was her own. Fawne nodded and walked over there, looking back for her father who was holding on to the saddle, tired looking and breathing in deep. She felt worry wash over her and Fawne wondered what she would do if her father got really sick here. There was no apparent reason for him to get sick, but she was seeing it happen right in front of her.

 

There was nobody in the kitchen and Fawne opened a cupboard to find a cup and filled it with some fresh water. She smelled it, sipped it and then decided it was fresh water, it was odd that she questioned it, there was no reason to question the water. But why was there a reason to question her mother then? Fawne found her father had taken a seat on a wooden bench outside and handed him the cup with a smile. “Here, feel better,†she said and then sat down next to him. He gulped down the water and then ruffled her hair, “How do you like your mother so far? She has changed, but I do still recognize her,†he said and she looked over at the woman who was walking up to them. She is beautiful,†Fawne said and smiled at her mother. She may be all new to her, she had still asked them to come visit and she was smiling at her daughter now. All would be well, Fawne was sure of that. “Mom,†she asked as the woman sat down next to her, “who else lives here?â€

 

Fawne Namere

[Matalina]

Uh oh! How much to tell? Cari didn't let on that she was slightly paniced, she had no intentions of telling Fawne of her brother and sister until she had made her own mind up about the upcoming decisions. Cari wouldn't make Fawne stay, she wouldn't even ask it of her. She would speak half truth, and not tell a lie.

 

She would choose her words carefully. "Many people live on the ranch. In these six houses over here, Miss Nona lives, she's our cook." Cari pointed to the house. "Aki lives in that one. She's a seamstress, and a might good one at that." Cari indicated yet another house. "I have three charges living with me. A set of twins, Aiden and Kate." Cari put her fingers to her mouth and whistled. From around the back side of the house came a dog at top speed. "And Bane."

 

Cari pointed in the direction of the ranch house. "Over in the name house, Mister Nathan and Miss Sara live with their family. Liam and Petra have two sons. One actually went to Tar Valon. I think your father has met him, Talyn Rashad? And his little brother Taylor. Also over in the main house is Glen, Vik and Franc and Miss Nalia." Cari smiled and turned back to Fawne, "You will meet most of them at dinner tonight."

 

Dinner was a big thing on the Ranch, it was alomst required to attend, and Cari wouldn't try to get out of it, even with Alex here. Alex didn't look well. "You have a choice of where you'd like to stay, you can stay with me in my small house, or have your own space inside the main house. It's up to you and your father." Cari wasn't sure if she wanted Alex in her home, things felt very awkward and he wasn't looking very well. "I think we should figure out where you are staying so your father can lie down. And maybe we can have a longer chat."

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Alex looked over the woman he once loved more than life itself and then at his daughter’s face, eager and curious. “If you don’t mind, I’d like for us to stay in the guest room, Cari,†he said and could feel the disappointment burn into him from his daughter’s face. He did not want to take any chances, his plans for a life with Elia should not find any hinder on this trip and he could not trust himself with the Heartbond beating on him fiercer than ever. How could he have forgotten its effects on him? He was ready to put his life in Elia’s hands, to make her his wife and he could not risk waking up next to his old flame after a passionate night brought on by old memories. He just could not trust himself, cold sweat appeared on his neck again and he asked Fawne to help him up. Cari led them into the house and there they greeted the inhabitants. It was a friendly bunch, though the woman seemed not to happy to see Alex, pale faced and sweating enter into her home. He could not blame her and tried to smile at her, to find a hint of relief in her face. She never returned the smile.

 

***

 

As her dad went to sleep, Fawne smiled at Cari and said, “Now, maybe you could tell me about your life here, I saw you talking with that man earlier, are you together?†she was often accused by Maggie Mae of being a nosey one. But Fawne could not help it, she had to know more about her mother or she would burst in her own curiosity. The answer Cari gave her was not conclusive and Fawne tried to press on but her mother asked her about her own life. About her lessons, her life in Tar Valon and Fawne started to tell her about how Lilah taught her math and in writing and reading. And about how she had been training with her father’s lathe and how Elia had learned how to bake cookies with her. She was a happy child with lot’s to tell, but she kept away from details about Elia and her love for Alex, that was her father’s business not her own. “I learn so much and Maggie Mae always says that I can come work in the inn, maybe open my own one day too,†and smiled at Cari, enthusiasm making her forget about her nerves and suddenly she flung her arms around her mothers neck and kissed her on the cheek. “I missed you mommy,†she said and put her head in the woman’s neck. She could smell the soft scent of herbs in her hair, somehow familiar and it comforted her.

 

Alex & Fawne

[Matalina]

The hug and kiss were a major surpise to Cari, she hadn't expected a warm welcome from her daughter. "I've missed you too." Cari fought back the tears that were pressing to fall. It was a happy moment but there was saddness in it as well. Something was missing and Cari knew exactly what it was, Alex. The tensions were high in the bond and she tried to ignore them.

 

Fawne had asked about Achet and Cari wondered if she should have allowed herself a semblence of love with him, or with another. She knew somewhere deep inside that it was truly over with Alex, she could feel it when he looked at her. She still loved him but did she really?

 

"We've still a few hours before dinner, but I have to tell Miss Nona what to expect for dinner. Come into the kitchen with me and then I'll show you what I do for a living." Well what I do as Cari she said to herself.

 

The conversation was quick with Nona, informing her that Aiden and Kate wouldn't be at dinner and Alex and Fawne had arrived. It was going to be a very awkward dinner for Cari. Nathan and Sara and Glen knew what Alex meant to her and what he knew about her. It was not going to be an easy situation at all. Cari wondered if Alex had shared her secrets with anyone else. There were too many things tearing her apart but she let it go at that.

 

Cari lead Fawne out to the stables and showed her around. The horses knickered as Cari passed, those close enough brushed their noses against her shoulder. Thankfully Tain Cor was out in the pasture grazing or there would be trouble.

 

Cari took a few sugar cubes out of her pocket and handed one to Fawne. "Hold it on the flat of your hand and offer it Sandy here." Cari showed Fawne what she meant.

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Her mother was very nice and showed her around the premises of her home, she introduced Fawne to the horses and showed her how to give them a treat. She loved it and silently cherished every moment of it. It might not last after all and she realized that she was making up for lost time. Constantly looking up at her mothers face to see that she was still there and that it was all real. Her father had taken to his bed and they did not see him that afternoon, she had almost forgotten about him when her mother mentioned she should look in on him. Cari promised they would meet at dinner and she would read Fawne a story before bedtime. This made her smile broadly, even though she would normally have said she was no longer a baby and did not need to be read before bed. After all, these were lost times they were catching up on. She smiled warmly at Cari and then turned to the main house where her father slept in a guest room upstairs.

 

***

 

Alex woke up feeling drowsy and tired, even more so than before he had gone off to sleep and he wondered for a brief moment where he was. “Elia?†No, of course she was not there, after all they were in Cairhien. He had wondered about bringing her along but he also knew that she would not like being around Matalina, no Cari for too long. He smiled as he heard Fawne enter the room, she plunged herself on the bed and kissed him on the cheek. "How was your sleep?" she asked and tucked the blanket over both of them. He nodded and said was good, then asked what she and been up to and listened with interest to all her stories about horses and the Ranch. He was happy that she was able to spend time with her mother, but something was haunting him in the back of is mind. What if she did not want to come back to Tar Valon with him? What if he had to trust that her mother would take good care of her now? He sighed and ruffled her hair, then got up and changed his shirt. They would be ready for dinner soon and he did not want to meet everyone in a full and crowded room at once, best be there a little early and catch them one at a time.

 

***

 

Fawne could not understand why her father was trying to convince her that he was happy. She could tell that he missed their home, Elia and that he felt uncomfortable at the Ranch. He kept smiling at her whenever she said something and he was never that smiley-faced before. Also, he kept rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, which made him look like he had a permanent itch there. She decided to ask the cook if she could make him some tea, Elia had taught her about calming herbs and she would use those to help him. He would feel better after a full night’s rest she was sure, he had to be. She was finally together with both her parents again and nothing could ruin that now. As they went down to dinner, Cari was setting up the plates at the table. Fawne offered to help and took the cutlery from a drawer shown by Cari. Alex took a seat and drank two cups of water before being able to talk to the residents of the Ranch properly. Fawne was even more determined now to get him that cup of soothing tea.

[Matalina]

Cari was determined to impress Alex, though the bond was not too impressive, there was something wrong with Alex, she wasn't sure what it was, but there was something wrong. She watched as he drank two cups of water before Nona allowed Fawne to use the kitchen. Nona had taught Cari a little about cooking but it wasn't her best household subject. And there was no reason for it to be, Nona or Sara did the cooking and Cari only helped.

 

Cari looked around for Aiden and Kate, and suddenly remembered they were with Achet. She missed the twins terribly. She always did when they spent the night in town. She would have to bring them home after school tomorrow. Cari couldn't be away from them for too long. She'd finally done something right in parenthood, or so she hoped.

 

Dinner consisted of a pork roast and many vegetables cooked in the roasting juices. Cari shuddered at the thought of eating it when Nona placed a different bowl of vegetables and beans in front of Cari. Cari smiled, Nona knew Cari's likes and all of those on the Ranch for that matter.

 

Talk around the table was awkward. The vibes from Nathan and Sara rippled through the other darkfriends. They knew Alex knew Cari was a darkfrined. Cari began to wonder who else knew this fact. Glen surely did, but had he told the others? Had Nathan and Sara?

 

Sara asked Fawne, "Fawne, what is it that you have learned out in Tar Valon? I'm sure the city is grand, none of us here have ever seen the likes of the great city before, tell us of it."

 

Cari cringed at the statement, it was meant mostly for those who didn't know Cari's past, but she hoped that Fawne couldn't catch the words she used to mean Cari had never been there and comment on it. Trouble would surely envoke then and she'd have some explaining to do, and she didn't want to have to make a story up off the top of her head.

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Fawne lifted her head as she was asked a question about her home in Tar Valon, she answered it by explaining that she had grown up there and had never seen anything else in the world. “This is my first real trip,†she smiled and put another bite of roast in her mouth, she savored the taste of it and smiled at the woman with the red hair who had made it. “This is delicious,†she said and smiled again as she finished her plate. “Mommy is lucky to live with such a great cook,†she said and smiled up at her father who looked pale and tired. The rest of the people at the table had stopped eating and Fawne swallowed hard.

 

The tension was felt even by a child who just meant to compliment the chef and she stared at her plate as slowly everyone started to eat again. Alex put his hand on hers and gave it a soft pinch, at least she had known her father all her life and he showed his affection. She felt hurt all of a sudden, by her mother who lived with strange people who made her feel stupid and small. She wanted to cry but kept in her seat, silently waiting for the meal to end. Cari commented on how they had been caring for the horses and Fawne only nodded at this. Her father announced he would go to bed early and apologized for his bad guest manners, he gave Fawne a kiss on her head and told her she could come and sleep in the bed with him, he whispered it in her ear and she nodded. Her father loved her, he felt something too but Fawne wanted to forget about it all and be with her mother.

 

Soon they would be going again, she felt it and then she might never get a chance to get to know her mom, as she was going to be an Aes Sedai in the White Tower. Fawne sat outside on the bench for a bit, watching the horses being fed, the sun slowly moving down from the top of the sky and the women cleaning up the remains of dinner. She heard her father coughing as he had left his window slightly ajar and sat alone on the bench, wondering if her mother even wanted to know her. Then Cari appeared and gestured for her to enter into the kitchen, “Come have tea,†she called and Fawne’s face lit up brightly. She sat down at the large table and smiled at Cari who filled their cups. Why do you live here mommy?†Fawne asked as she blew over her cup for the boiling tea to cool.

 

Fawne Namere

[Matalina]

It was Cari's turn to feel awkward. She knew the question would come up and she was prepared to answer it but there was something she needed to clear first.

 

"I'm sorry about earlier at the dinner table. A good many of the other folks don't know about you. Nor about your father. It's really a long story." She smiled. "Kinda tied into your question."

 

Cari sat down on the bench next to Fawne and leaned back against the wall. "Why am I here? Basically to recover myself." Cari sat forward and turned to look at Fawne. "I left you and your father and the life I knew to find myself. I was lost inside my own mind. I almost killed a man because I'd lost control. I couldn't accidentally hurt you, Jeffery Kincaid, or your father." Cari didn't mention Raeyn Sedai, no point in bringing that up. "You were the best things in my life and I couldn't hurt you." A tear slide down Cari's cheek as she continued. "It was for the best that I left, and I'm sorry that it took six years to feel comfortable enough with my situation to write you. But I thought about you every second I was gone. I still do. I wonder how you'd turned out. I was sad I had missed your growing up. But I'm better now and I'm thankful for the chance to see you again."

 

Cari sat back against the wall and closed her eyes and felt the pain her former lover was in. "I wish your father was better, we need to talk too, he and I."

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Alex woke up feeling a little better, his head was pounding but he was not as tired as he had been. He looked outside to find the first rays of sunlight had hit the ground outside. Tucking through his belongings he found his quarterstaff and after he got dressed in simple slacks and a brown linen shirt, he went outside to train. Fawne had taken the other room, probably not to wake him and he found her deep in sleep as he peeked in through the door. She was such a pretty little thing, her dark hair washed over the pillow as she had undone the two braids. Her blue eyes were hidden behind the closed eyelids, but he knew their beauty as much as he knew every line of her face. She was his angel, the reason he kept going and he wanted her to be happy. As he took the guar stance he realized that was what was keeping him sane these days, seeing his old lover, being on a ranch somewhere in Cairhien, far away from the woman he loved who was carrying his child now. He shook it off and went through the motions, breaking into a sweat and not noticing as he was deeply concentrated as the quarterstaff moved up, then down with a short strike.

 

A woman with red hair, a bit of a busty figure and a sleepy look on her face emerged from one of the houses and nodded at him. She was called Nona he believed, but he was not sure as he had not taken the time to speak with her, nor to take the time to see who she was. She walked passed him and he stopped moving, “Good morning Mistress,†he said and then waited for her to greet him after which she went to the kitchens, commenting on breakfast not serving itself. He looked away from her and to Cari’s home, the woman would probably still be asleep and dreaming of better days. He had a feeling that she was happy here, but could not quite say why that was. Through the bond he could feel love, washing over him all of a sudden and he dropped the quarterstaff in shock. There was a lover here, maybe even children of a new life. How would Fawne react to her mother hiding this new life from her? And why would Matalina, no Cari hide this new life from her daughter?

 

It was easy to say why she would choose to hide it from Alex as they were connected so closely, it would hurt them both to know that one of them had moved on. But then, Alex had never made it a secret that he loved Elia, Matalina had lived with her daughter for a month before she left Tar Valon and Alex and Elia were together then. Fawne needed his protection, not his worries and Alex picked up the quarterstaff again, looking over his shoulder to move the tip in a straight line he found the woman he had greeted earlier staring over at him. He nodded at her and then kept going, acknowledging that he had seen her, but not watching her openly. Women were funny that way sometimes, they could stare at you for hours but you should not let them be aware that you knew, or even look back. He was not sure why, not sure it had even to do with an attraction or just curiosity. Going through the motions of his training, he glanced over at Cari’s house.

 

The door in Cari’s house opened and her warm glance washed over him, making him weak in the knees as he dropped the quarterstaff and stared openly at the woman he had once loved with all his heart. “Good morning Cari,†he said and walked over to her. The quarterstaff laid unused on the ground and he did not pay it any mind. “How did you sleep?†she asked him and he nodded, telling her he felt better than before. There was something about her, something that made him feel strange. He smiled oddly at her and then walked over to her, planting a kiss on her forehead. “I am glad you wrote me, I am glad that Fawne has a chance to get to know you,†he said and stared at his feet awkwardly. Too many emotions were twirling in his head, his love for his daughter, for Elia and the memories of his time spent with Matalina. She was different now, no longer a raw energy, filled with pain, rage and passion. She was beautiful and calmer somehow, he could not help but glancing over her face again and smiling. “You have changed…†was all he said. What he did not see was that Fawne had rose from her bed and happened to glance out the window when Alex had kissed Cari. What he also missed was the big grin on his daughter’s face, she loved Elia very much but if her father would stay with her mother, than this child could not stop them. She could only be thrilled that she’d have a second chance at her own family, a family that loved her and each other.

 

Alexander Namere

[Matalina]

The house had been empty last night, she couldn't imagine living with out the children. Cari left early in the morning to get them. Achet would be awake hours before dawn readying for the next days work. Cari spied Nathan and told him her plans. He said her pay would be docked as she spent it with her family. She knew what he would say, but it was something that she needed to do. Aidan and Kate slept peacefully on the floor of Siera's room. They did enjoy being here, but Cari missed them too much. She woke them quietly and told them to go get ready to go home, they could sleep in their own beds. They were too eager.

 

By the time they got hom it was nearing dawn and Cari let them sleep with her for a few hours in her room. She had missed them that much. Alex's feelings woke Cari and she went outside to find him. They really did need to talk. She found him outside practicing with his quarterstaff and smiled. He hadn't changed in the time they'd spent away. She had, drastically, even in her choice of weapon. The once familiar sword at her side stayed under her bed for more appropriate times and the staff stood by the door ready to be taken out when she left the ranch. Times had changed her.

 

Their initial conversation was a little strained. 9 years it had been since they'd last seen each other, and another year before that since they'd been lovers. 10 years was a long time to still love the man, and she wondered if she really did love him.

 

"Why did you come here Alex, I would have come to get Fawne if she wanted to see me. There was no need for you to travel this way." She looked down. "The bond is too much for us." She frowned. "And the miniute you saw me you got sick, I could feel the change happen when you realized what you were feeling." She didn't want to admit it but she wanted him to go home. She wanted her life to be safe and secure. She loved Alex and more loved Fawne, but this wasn't their life. Fawne was hardly her daughter in anything but blood. How could they want to be here? Why would they want to abandon their life for a woman they hardly knew. Cari didn't reget the changes she made for Alex, but she regreted not moving on. If she could only present a family. A real family. Maybe it was time to meet the children. "Can you keep a secret from your daughter? I don't want it to influence her choices ahead of her."

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

“No, no more secrets Cari,†he said, knowing that calling her that was a secret in itself. “We have not come here to listen to more secrets and I will not hide anything from my daughter, I have for too long hidden that her mother was still alive,†he heard someone behind him but did not turn to see who it was. Cari did and he could tell from her reaction that it was not Fawne, but he did lower his voice. “I will not hear of anything that I cannot tell my child, our child,†he grabbed her by the arm and felt a surge of memories return to him. They overwhelmed him like a washing from the waterfall rushing over one’s head. Alex stepped back and gasped, “I’m… I’m sorry, did I hurt you?†he hoped he had not as he had acted too passionately for his own good. She smiled and rubbed her arm assuring it was alright. He remembered now more vividly than before that their relationship had always been about violent passion, fighting one moment, loving the next.

 

“I cannot do this anymore, not now, not anymore. We came here so that Fawne could meet her mother. It was not safe for you to travel back to Tar Valon, or you would have done so years ago, I will be leaving soon and I hope that Fawne will return with me,†he closed his eyes as he spoke, “she does not belong here.†He turned away from her and tried to shut out the feelings that were bubbling in through the Heartbond. From her, but from him just as much. A raw feeling that he could not identify, something that stung deep and made him want to run away. Something dark, and yet not dark at all, Alex sighed and took the guard stance, readying himself for an invisible opponent when a familiar face suddenly came into view. He had his eyes closed, but was unaware of that as he watched this woman dance before him, laughing and tilting her head back. Rolling her eyes at him and laughing, her dark curls bouncing over her bare shoulders as she danced around him, her soft skin covered in a low cut black silk dress that left little for the imagination. Alex opened his eyes and saw Cari stand before him, her hands were up to his face and he pushed her back. “Where is she!?!?†he called out and got no response, “Where is she? Where is Carmen? Why is she here?†he screamed and sank through his knees. This could not be happening...

 

Alexander Namere

Loosing it…

[Matalina]

Cari was utterly confused now. She wasn't the one keeping secrets from Fawne, it was him. And then his sudden outburst. Cari fought back the urge to draw a dagger in self defense it was exactly this that had broken them up. Then he broke out into hysterics claiming Carmen was here. Cari couldn't tell what was going through him, his emotions were a mix of weird feelings and thoughts and it was very difficult to decifer.

 

"Carmen isn't here, she's never been here." Cari took a step towards Alex and he took another step back with accusing eyes. "Alex, she's not here. Would I let Fawne anywhere near that woman, after she's tried to kidnap her? Think man."

 

Cari wondered whether or not to slap him into reality, but that was the last thing he needed. Cari tried to take another step towards him and he kept backing up. She sighed. "Fine don't trust me. If you don't want to be here then go home, Alex."

 

"I'm going to go see my daughter." And Cari turned to leave him be, he can sit in his delusions all he wanted, she wanted no part of it. "You are welcome to join me but only if you leave your non-sense behind." Cari walked back to the house and found Fawne scrambling from the window she'd been looking out of. Cari smiled. "Having fun watching?"

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Fawne woke up and rose from the bed to go and find her father, he was not in his room and so she went back to her room to make the bed and get dressed. She was old enough to do this herself now and smiled as she brushed through the long strands of dark hair. Outside, she heard voices and peeked through the curtain to find her mom and dad talking. They were in a deep debate, she could tell from the way their heads moved and she wondered if she would go down there. Maybe they would be nice to each other again if she were there. Fawne quickly hurried down the steps and found herself stopping by the window as her mother turned and yelled at her dad that he should go home. Her face went pale and just then their eyes met and her mother called on her that she was snooping. Fawne’s eyes went big with tears and she ran away, to find herself bumping into the cook’s skirts who had just entered the kitchens. “Let me go! I don’t want my mommy and daddy to fight,†she screamed and started to cry even more.

 

***

 

Alex listened to Cari and realized that nothing had changed between them. She still hated him for not being there for her and he still hated her for leaving him alone with their child. “Fine, we will be out of your hair Cari, I thought you cared about your child but all you seem to care about … is you.†And with that he turned away and walked into the house where he found Fawne in the skirts of the female cook. She was in tears and refused to look up to him. “Fine, hate me too then,†he said and touched his head, it was pounding and he could not think straight with the pain of these women around him and Carmen… she had been there, he was no fool. “Fawne, we are leaving today, your mother has made it clear that we have outstayed our welcome,†he yelled and then hurried up the stairs and started to grab his things together. Anger drove him to tear up a shirt and he decided against packing Fawne’s belongings, afraid to rip those as well.

 

***

 

Fawne’s eyes were red and full of tears as she clung to Nona’s skirts. “I do not want to go, I want my mommy and daddy to make up, I want to be with my mommy and daddy,†in between sobs she got out bits and pieces and then started over with the same, like a chant to make it so. “Can you help me?†she finally asked, her big ice blue eyes red rimmed and tired of crying. “Please? Make my mommy love my daddy, make them see they belong together and love me, and be a family?†she was clutching in the woman’s skirts, a woman she hardly knew but who in her mind was her last hope. Her last hope of keeping her family together.

[silhouette]

Things had been tense ever since the father of one of Cari’s children had arrived. Nathan wasn’t happy about his stay at all, and Nona had heard him muttering about how the Ranch was no place for a lightfool, and certainly not one who was obviously out of his mind. Nona went on her business as usual, preparing food for all those living at the farm. She had figured out long ago that being the cook was almost the same as being a piece of furniture. People just didn’t notice you if you went about your business. But then Nathan had sought her out, and his orders had been clear. She had objected at first, immediately thinking of the little girl that Alex had brought. Fawne. The name alone brought a smile on Nona’s face. But little Fawne would have no one if her father died. Still, the orders were clear, and Nona was not the kind to disobey them.

 

So she waited for the right time. Just a little longer, she told herself. A few more hours. Maybe a day. But she could almost feel Nathan pacing, waiting for her to end the life of Alex Namere. Finally she caved, preparing a drink for Alex. Nothing special, just a glass of water with a little honey and a little lime, and something special. Something that would make his eyes fall shut, and his heart slow. It would be like sleeping, only it wasn’t the kind of sleep that he would wake from. The dose was enough to kill a man almost twice his size. Nona couldn’t afford a mistake, not with her reputation. She was just about ready to take it to him when a little bundle of tears and wails flung itself at her, clinging to her skirt.

 

“Why, Fawne… what be the matter, lass?†she muttered, stroking the child’s hair as the girl talked about her parents fighting, sobbing all the while. Nona crouched next to the girl, taking her in her arms and rubbing her back softly. “There there… all will be well, you’ll see. Your father and your mother just love each other very much, you see? And that makes then fight, because they haven’t seen each other for such a long time, and all that love just be piling up, and they don’t know how to let it out now.†Fawne didn’t look particularly convinced. Nona reached up, and took a cookie from a plate on the counter. “There you go. You nibble on that, and I be going to have a talk with your father. I be telling him that his little girl wants to see him and her mother happy together.†She ruffled Fawne’s hair softly, and picked her up, putting her on one of the kitchen chairs. “Now you stay there, and I be back in no time…â€

 

Smiling warmly at the child, Nona picked up the cup filled with water and other things, which felt like lead in her hands. In the past she had always been convinced that those who died by her hands deserved it. They were wicked, after all. She had accepted her place under the Great Lord of the Dark’s wing, thinking that this would be the place for her, where she could do her work in His name. Now, for the first time in years, it didn’t feel right. Alex Namere did not deserve to die. And yet here she went, holding death in the palm of her hand, ready to give it to him. When she arrived at his room she heard him rave about Carmen and Cari, and even about Fawne.

 

She pushed the door open, and watched him pace. She could imagine he had been attractive once, but now his face was scrunched up in fear, love, hate and other emotions that she could not put her finger on. “Alex.†She said, her voice calm and filled with warmth. It had been known to calm Taylor when he had one of hits fits of anger, and she hoped it would calm Alex a bit. Something inside of her wanted his last moments to be filled with the warmth of love and friendship, not with the chill of despair. “Alex, please… Fawne still loves you. You be scaring her, that’s all. You be stalking around like a mad bull, and hating on her momma. She won’t be understanding that any time soon.†He looked at her as though he’d rather wring her neck than listen to her. “You don’t have to like Cari, or what she’s become, but Fawne is your daughter. She be of your blood, as well as hers, and right now all she be seeing is her father gone mad, and her mother not able to calm him down. For her sake, I beg you… Calm down.†She walked towards him and placed the cup in his hand. “Your daughter needs you now, Alex. Be there for her.†With that said she turned, and walked out of the room. She’d know soon enough if he’d consumed the poison. They’d all know soon enough.

[Guest Celes]

Nona appeared in his room, holding a glass of water and Alex realized he had gotten quite thirsty from the work-out. He wanted to thank her for it, but she was already going on about his daughter and what he should do, the fact that he knew she was right aggravated him and he just stared back at her, defiantly. She left, making him think about her words rather than fight them with her. He understood and was painfully aware of how well it worked. He put the glass down and forgot about it, instead went down the stairs to find his little one on a chair in the kitchen nibbling on a cookie, her eyes red and swollen. With a single swing of his arm he lifted her up and held her close against him, his arms tightly wrapped around her. “I am sorry Fawne, you know I love you very much and to prove that I will try again,†he kissed her on her cheek and then dried her tears with his shirtsleeve. She smiled at him and asked him if he would go talk to mommy now and Alex nodded. “Yes, I will†he said and found Cari standing right outside, watching this little spectacle from a distance.

 

He put Fawne back on the chair and said, “If I wave my hand, come out and give your mother a big kiss alright?†Fawne smiled and said, “Yes daddy,†without even a hint of wonder in her voice. Alex grunted and rose to meet Cari outside, “Let’s go for a little walk shall we,†he said and moved them away from the main house. “Cari, I am not sure why we keep doing this, the Heartbond is confusing me to bits and my head is pounding from things I cannot control. Maybe it’s something in the water here that is making me mad, maybe it’s just that too much has happened, I’m not sure. I ask your forgiveness and a chance to start over, for Fawne’s sake, please?†at this he waved at the little girl standing in the door opening. She had been paying close attention at him and came running up to them, clutched out her hands to her mother and called, “Mommy, mommy,†then tripped over her own feet and landed flat on her face. Alex was not sooner near her than Cari was who helped her back on her feet and held Fawne as she tried not to cry. Alex could tell she was hurting and she had a cut on her knee, but she still managed to give Cari a big kiss on her cheek and wink at Alex. Then sobbed softly as the pain hit her and she was carried back inside in her father’s arms with Cari following swiftly.

 

As Fawne was taken care of by Nona who cleaned the cut, Alex watched and put his hand on Cari’s arm. “When you are ready to tell me what it is you fear, please tell me. I can feel it and I know you can feel my fear. I just cannot understand, from your letters I thought you were happy here. And that you would be happy to see us,†a surge of pain went through his head and he had to take a seat. “I’m no sure what it is, but it’s bad,†he mumbled and tried to control his breathing as he did not want to fly off the handle, not again.

 

Alexander Namere

[Matalina]

Cari watched as Nona patched up Fawne, she could have done it herself outside, but Alex had brought her in before she could make the offern. Had he forgotten what she was? Was it that big of a change that he forgot everything about her? Fawne was offered a cookie that Nona had just baked.

 

Alex wanted to know what she was afraid of, Cari turned away from him and stared at the wall, trying not to cry. "Everything..." She turned back to Alex, "and I mean everything I've done here I've done for you. And it's been all for nothing." A tear fell. "You don't belong here. Fawne don't belong here. I love you both so much, but you won't be staying. I don't regret what I've become, but I do regret waiting 10 years to be with you again."

 

Cari got up and stood in the doorway. She could see Aidan and Kate playing in the distance and smiled fondly as she watched. "Fawne, I don't want this to influence you, but your Father said no more secrets, so I will abide by his wishes." She paused, she had to tell her now, it was something that she'd started and now she had to finish. She took a deep breathe. "You have another brother and sister. You can meet them if you like, but then we need to spend some time just the three of us. Your father said you were leaving today, and I'd like some time with you. And him."

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

OOC: I used Nona to patch Fawne up, so Mat and Alex could talk hun. ;)

 

IC:

Fawne looked up at her mother after nibbling on the cookie Nona had given her. She had grown quite fond of this woman who had brought her parents back together and also provided her with the best cookies she had ever tasted. Even Maggie Mae’s chef could not make better cookies, she thought to herself. Her mother pointed over at two children, who looked alike quite a lot except for being boy and girl and told Fawne to go and meet them. Fawne looked up at her dad who was looking over the two as well and asked him if that was alright. At his nod for approval, she hurried over to the two kids and did not wait for her parents to catch up.

 

***

 

Alex looked after his princess and stopped Cari who wanted to hurry after her, “Stop trying to control what happens, let the children find out themselves,†he said. He knew they were hers, she was too protective of them just to be kids from the Ranch. For a moment, Alex wondered who the father was, wondering if he could be, but judging by their age that was a very slim chance. “We are not leaving today, I wanted Fawne to know her mother, and her family,†the thought of whose children they were kept lingering in the back of his mind. Finally he let go of her arm as he was holding it gently, “Who is their father?†he asked, not looking into her eyes. The Heartbond would betray how he felt, a tinge of jealousy that was uncalled for but that he could not force back down. He realized that he had never stopped loving her, maybe that was part of their Heartbond, maybe it was the Wheel turning, but he had never been able to stop loving Matalina. Elia had not taken her place, like Fawne she had found a place in his heart and he loved her very much. But being with Cari, seeing Fawne so happy about being with her mother, it confused Alex. Suddenly, out of nowhere he pulled her close and kissed her on the lips.

[Matalina]

Cari didn't have time to answer Alex's question. She really didn't want to anyway, to know that she'd slept once with the Master at Arms after they'd been together might damage whatever was left. Reikan Souvan had not been anything but a fling. No feeling of remorse over never seeing him again. Much like Orion and that pain stung deep but the kiss Alex bestowed upon her brought all thoughts to one thing... Alexander Namere.

 

She loved the man too much, and it was going to be harder to have him leave this time. He was going to leave, she knew that, even his heart wasn't in the passion this time. Lust was always present, and she let it linger as she returned the kiss. Cari enjoyed tasting Alex, his scent, but the open heart bond made her knees weak with feelings from both sides echoing one another. Cari drapped her arms around Alex's neck so not to fall and fell into him. He of course caught her and held her.

 

Cari nearly purred in his arms. She broke the kiss first and buried her head against his cheek and let the tears flow. This wasn't going to last, why even bother.

 

Cari

 

OOC: That wasn't a problem hehe...Just Mat feeling "bad" hehe... and btw, She doesn't remember he's with Elia, that didn't carry over when she remembered who she was.

[Guest Celes]

As Alex released Cari from the kiss, he looked over her face and wondered what it was that kept them apart. Fawne looked up and their eyes met, then she turned away again to play with the children that Cari had raised her in Cairhien. It was those children that woke Alex up to reality, he was no longer with her, she had changed her name, her appearance, her entire life. A single kiss could not change it all back to how it had once been. He did not push her away, right now he could feel that they were both more calm and it was important to stay calm, rather than be agitated, fighting again.

 

Fawne came running up to them and pulled Alex’ hand down, “Daddy, why were you kissing mommy? Do you love her like auntie Elia?†and at this, Alex’s face went ash gray and he felt sweat drops form on his forehead. Elia, how in the Light could he have forgotten about her…. “No sweetie, I love Elia, I love your mother too...ahmm...†he stammered these words and looked at Cari who had started to cry and had walked over to the twins to hold them. She had probably not heard Fawne’s words and walked up to them, one child on each hand.

 

“Alex, may I introduce you to my children, Aiden and Kate,†and Alex smiled his best smile, biting his lip to stop himself from savoring the kiss. Fawne smiled and said, “I never knew I had a brother and sister,†and then took Kate’s hand and said, “Do you have pretty dresses? I only brought one, can I see yours?†at which all three children ran into Cari’s house to see what clothes they had and probably to play some more. Alex watched the three run off, happy and carefree like children should be.

 

“She can sleep over at your place tonight,†he said and she nodded, “she might like to sleep in their room, be read a story by her mother,†he smiled and said, “and I don’t feel too well, a bit of a headache,†he mumbled in the end. Then put a hand on Cari’s cheek and said, “You look more beautiful now than last I did see you, happier somehow…†and then turned to go inside. It would be dinner time soon and he hoped ot be able to go to bed soon after. He was not used to these long nights of sleep, but his head was pounding, images of Cari, Matalina, Elia, Carmen, they all flashed before his eyes, even Melissande, right before he felt the bond snap as she died. It was enough to drive a man crazy.

 

Alexander Namere

 

OOC: Laying the groundwork. :)

[Matalina]

Cari could feel the pain Alex was feeling and short of pulling up the void there was little she could do about it other than wish him well. She mentioned Nona making him something to help with the pain. He mumbled something in return but Cari couldn't understand it. She stood and watched as he went into the house. She was torn between going back to her house, or to follow Alex.

 

Alex's pain and her own confusion were too much. She sat down in the dusty pathyway between the outbuildings and the main house and hung her head. Things had definately changed between them, and not for the better. Cari cried softly into the palm of her hands. Why had he come here? Things were better when she didn't know.

 

The day turned to dusk and Nona poked her head out the kitchen door and told her it was time to eat. Cari nodded and got up slowly from the ground, dusting herself off and moving to her house. She was covered in dust and changed into something clean. Cari didn't think about what she grabbed from the closet, a emerald green off the shoulder blouse and a black skirt to go with it. The tatto on her shoulder blade peaked through. Aiden walked into the room and hugged his mother's legs. "I like that one Mama." She knelt down and he traced the grim characters weapon on her back. Cari smiled. "That's the one you want to learn huh?"

 

Aiden looked up at Cari. "Can I?" "Maybe after Fawne and Alex leave, we'll learn some more okay?"

 

Aiden giggled and ran off to tell the girls it was time for dinner. The children had taken well to Fawne and that was good. "Come on you three Nona will be upset if we are late."

 

Cari

[Guest Celes]

Alex had laid down to rest for an hour and felt a little better as he rose, the cup of water Nona had handed him rested on the table near the bed and he took it and smelled it. For some reason he felt the need to smell it, rather than just gulp it down, it had a sweet smell and he wondered if it might relieve the headaches a bit. Alex gulped the drink down in two swigs and then headed down to find the family ready for dinner. The general mood was less tense as the children were talking through most of dinner. Fawne was discussing how she would love to have the seamstress make her a dress as pretty as Kate’s and Aidan told them about how he was going to learn more sword forms soon.

 

As dinner progressed, Alex started to feel immensely tired. Even more so than the day before and his eyelids became extremely heavy. At some point, Nona looked up at him and asked him if he wanted a drink of water maybe, he told her he’d had plenty of that in his room and that he just wanted to lie down. He missed the look she shot him and ruffled Fawne’s hair. “Sweetie, go sleep over at Cari’s tonight and we’ll meet for breakfast here in the morning,†she rose from the chair and kissed him on the cheek, “Yes, sleep well daddy,†and then sat back down to finish her plate.

 

The room seemed to spin as Alex entered, he could not find his bed and stumbled over his own feet to find his way in. He found the sheet and pulled it off, then laid down on the mattress after kicking off his boots. Alex fell asleep and dreamt of walking through an abandoned field with Carmen. She was laughing and they walked past the dead body of his former lover, Matalina, still holding a sword clutched in her hands. He closed her stunned eyes and then walked on, Carmen grabbing his hand and telling him she had never meant to hurt him. “I thought I loved you at some point Alex, the way you were immersed in my thoughts, I was so sure,†she said and smiled. Then kissed him and all of a sudden it was as if the earth fell away from below his feet. Crumbling in little bits and pieces as the blackness below ate it away, slowly but surely.

 

Waking up in a panting sweet, Alex sighed deep and tried to inhale air. Outside the air was dark and he noticed that the moon was a very slim line on the heavens. His chest was rising and falling and as his eyes adjusted to the little light in the room, he found that the room was still spinning. Slowly, Alex rose from the bed only to fall back down again. He rubbed his temples and felt his hands moving slower with every stroke. What was happening? Alex fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, his eyes became heavy again and he fell back asleep. A dreamless sleep this time, a long and dreamless sleep that would take him away to eternity and beyond.

 

Alexander Namere

R.I.P.