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Great Quotes & Monologues

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I've always liked this poem.




I met a traveler from an antique land

Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed,

And on the pedestal these words appear:

"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:

Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.


-Percy Bysshe Shelley


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You want the truth?


You can't handle the truth.


Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg?


I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.


You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.


We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline.


I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.


-A Few Good Men

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ooo! I have an entire book dedicated to awesome quotes, poems and other such excellent stuff (ala Jamie's mom's book in A Walk To Remember).


Anyway.. my favorite one is:


"Love at first sight is easy to understand, it's when two people have been looking at each other a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."

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Lister: No one's got any virus, and no one's smegging nuts!

Rimmer: Well that's good... Is something the amiss?

L: Amiss? God no, what could possibly be amiss?

R: You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sat here wearing a red and white gingham dress - and army boots, you think that's un-amiss?

C: No, course not, it's just we thought you'd gone nuts. We were trying to humour you.

R: I was doing a little.... test, a little test to see if you had gone crazy. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's crazy people. (Rimmer then makes a loud, crazy snorting noise)

L: Well, we've passed the test Rimmer, you can let us out.

R: I can't let you out.

L: Why not?

R: Because the King of the Potato People won't let me. I've begged him, I've got down on my knees.... and wept. He wants to keep you here, keep you here for 10 years.

C: Can we see him?

R: See who?

C: The King.

R: *Thinks* Do you have a magic carpet?

L: Yeah, a little 3 seater.

R: So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the potato people? And plead with him for your freedom? And you're telling me you're completely sane?

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Let's see, quotes? I'll just reference one of them because it's EXTREMELY inappropriate for this place.


The entire Drill Sergeant scene in Full Metal Jacket. That was hilarious.


Let's see.


"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."


-Benjamin Franklin


"You know, there are a million fine looking women in this world, dude. But not all of them will bring you lasagna to work. Most of them'll just cheat on you."


-Kevin Smith AKA 'Silent Bob' in "Clerks"


"If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared"


-Niccolo Machiavelli


"I appreciate who Christ was and what Christ did, but I'm not really into the dogma... i.e., I want to **** before I get married."


-Kevin Smith




Just a few of my favorites.

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"Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought." --E.Y. Harbug


"Religion without science is blind. Science without religion is lame." --Albert Einstein


"Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it." --Gordon R. Dickson


"Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." --Abraham Lincoln


"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." --Abraham Lincoln


"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." --Japanese Proverb


"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it." --Thucydides


"Reason and love keep little company together." --Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

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Guest Majsju

Context is all.

-Margaret Atwood


Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

- Unknown


I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.

-Mahatma Gandhi


Hell is other people.

-Jean-Paul Sartre


Never discourage anyone... who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.



Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.



Knowledge is power.

-Sir Francis Bacon


Only sick music makes money today.

-Friedrich Nietzsche


The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

-Friedrich Nietzsche


By becoming vegetarian you are rejecting a dominant, macho, wife-beating, throat-slitting lifestyle. Vegetarians are also often disliked because they cause so many people to do what they'd rather not do: think.


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BOOK: What are we up to, sweetheart?


RIVER: Fixing your Bible.


B: I--uh-- What?


R: Bible's broken. Contradictions,

faulty logistics--it doesn't make



B: No, no, you can't...


R: So we'll integrate non-progressional

evolution theory with God's creation

of Eden -- eleven inherent metaphoric

parallels already there... eleven,

important number, prime number, one

goes into the house of eleven eleven

times but always comes out one--


B: River, just take it easy. You



R: Noah's Ark is a problem--


B: Really.


R: (rapid nod)

We'll have to call it early quantum

state phenomenon-- Only way to fit

five-thousand species of mammal on

the same boat-

*She tears the page out of the book.*


from the 'Jaynestown' episode of Firefly



Ah my daughter, do not fear. You will not fail however he may assail you. There is also love in the world. Be true.

The Wounded Land

Stephen R Donaldson

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From the West Wing episode 7x07 - the Debate. Santos is the Democratic presidential nominee and Vinick the Republican. But I guess that sort of says it self after a while.



I know you like to use that word 'liberal' as if it were a crime.



No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used that word. I know Democrats think liberal is a bad word. So bad you had to change it. What do you call yourselves now, progressives? Is that it?



It's true. Republicans have tried to turn liberal into a bad word. Well, liberals ended slavery in this country.



A Republican President ended slavery.



Yes, a liberal Republican, Senator. What happened to them? They got run out of your party. What did liberals do that was so offensive to the liberal party? I'll tell you what they did. Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things.. every one. So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, 'Liberal,' as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won't work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor.

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"Hope is a lying b*tch." - Laurell K Hamilton


"Caffeine is my friend. Chocolate -- my guiding light." - Kim Harrison


"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water." -Eleanor Roosevelt



"There is no genius without a mixture of madness."

Seneca the Younger, Latin philosopher

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"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."

--Albert Einstein


"Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable." --Mark Twain


"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." --Mark Twain


"Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish." --Ovid

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From Airplane II:


Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.


Jacobs: Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.

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“I wish it need not have happened in my time,†said Frodo. “So do I,†said Gandalf, “ and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.â€



I know it's from a Fantasy, but it's still one of the greatest quotes of all times.


And I also liked this quote, though the first one is better.


A day may come, when the courage of men fails, when we foresake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship, but that is not this day. This day, we fight. - Aragorn in RotK

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  • 2 weeks later...
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From NewsRadio:


[Reading from his book, "Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler," translated to Japanese and back again]

Jimmy: I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street. Many days no business comes to my hut. Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no. I never doubted myself for a minute, for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo...

[pauses while turning page]

Jimmy: dung.

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Some of the above are fantastic!


I like these also:


If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.


Antoine de Saint-Exupery (French philosopher)




You can map out a fight plan or a life plan, but when the action starts, it may not go the way you planned, and you're down to your reflexes. That's where your roadwork shows. If you cheated on that in the dark hours of the morning, you're getting found out now, under the bright lights.


Joe Frazier (world heavyweight boxing champion)



That which we are, we are, one equal temper of heroic hearts made weak by time and fate, but strong in will. To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.


"Ulysses" by Tennyson



great thread!

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“If we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.â€

Bill Watterson (1958 - ), Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes


“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.“

Oliver Wendell Holmes


“If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.â€

Emerson Pugh


“Sometimes we are lucky enough to know our lives have been changed, to discard the old and embrace the new and run headlong down an immutable course. It happened to me... on that summer's day when my eyes were opened to the sea.â€

Jacques Yves-Cousteau


“If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?â€

Steven Wright


“I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the Saints

Sinners are much more fun..

You know that only the good die youngâ€

Billy Joel


“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.â€

Woody Allen


“The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.â€

Joe Martin


“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.â€

Bill Watterson, "Calvin and Hobbes"


“Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.“

Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes


“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.“

Rich Cook


“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.â€

Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)


“If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.â€

Mark Twain

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FROM "I Have a Dream"


"...This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.


When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Martin Luther King, Jr

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  • 8 months later...
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Reviving this, because I found an awesome quote the other day.


I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

- Ellen DeGeneres

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