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DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

Midnight Vigil (Attn Aramina)


Jaydena

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Jaydena strode back to her room quickly and set about getting ready for the night ahead. Aramina had asked her to stand with her during her night of contemplation. She was honored to have been chosen, it had been some time since she had done one of these and so much time had passed since her own. Smiling she picked up her journal, a quill, inksted, sealing wax, her seal, sand, and her writing lap. When she was done she set it all inside the lap and closed it tight, she added something to snack on and headed to Aramina's room. Knocking on the recruits door she waited for an answer. When the answer came she opened the door and spoke, "Tonight we will do whatever you want, tonight is a night of consideration on why you have chosen the Green, tonight you will think of your reasons, these reasons you will present to the ajah tomorrow when you go before them. You need not speak unless you want to, you can ask me any questions you want and I will willingly answer them. Tomorrow we will be Sister and Sitter if luck is with you but tonight we are Sisters, bound by the power within us and the love of one ajah. I will sit outside your door until you are ready to go somewhere. Before we start do you have any questions?"

 

Jaydena

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It was happening too fast again. Events swirled out of her control and Aramina felt the world tilting with them. Already Jaydena Sedai had said she was ready to be presented to the Ajah. How could she possibly be prepared to present herself to such humiliation again? How could she stand to face Sirayn Sedai, to see the underlining strength and power and submit herself to her trained eye to point out flaw and failures one after another? Who was she to stand before the whole of the Ajah and stake her claim?

 

No one. The mirror told her that quite plainly. She had never been strong enough for this, never strong enough for what mattered the most to her. She had failed twice in her life, the only two times if had meant a thing. She had failed Natalie when she had bypassed her and become Aes Sedai, dieing along for a cause they had both believed in. She had failed her the second time when Sirayn Sedai had thrown her to the wolves. She fell asleep each night with the teeth of her words still tightening around her jugular. Her own behavior that day had prompted the failure and Aramina hoped that she had learned a little better how to control herself. She had to. There was nothing left. Third time was supposed to be a charm and if Aramina failed to be Green Ajah, there would be nothing for her. She would not remain in the Tower with an Ajah not of her choosing. She had not worked and dreamed for so long to have it all for naught. Perhaps she wasn't strong enough, but her dedication and determination would have to see her through.

 

The knock and the door drew her away from her own head and she quickly opened it.

 

"Tonight we will do whatever you want, tonight is a night of consideration on why you have chosen the Green, tonight you will think of your reasons, these reasons you will present to the ajah tomorrow when you go before them. You need not speak unless you want to, you can ask me any questions you want and I will willingly answer them. Tomorrow we will be Sister and Sitter if luck is with you but tonight we are Sisters, bound by the power within us and the love of one ajah. I will sit outside your door until you are ready to go somewhere. Before we start do you have any questions?"

 

Aramina took a deep breath, thinking before she answered. "In the morning, I go before the whole Ajah and tell them why I would be Green Ajah." She was reciting the facts, taking her time to get to what she needed. "I think, I would like it if you joined me Jaydena Sedai, for a talk. I have had little time for friendly conversation in the past years. Perhaps you could talk to me of your own early days in the Battle Ajah?"

 

She wasn't sure why she did it, but she felt the need to have someone there, at least for a little while, someone to keep her doubts from destroying her calm. Few saw the emotional side of Aramina and once let free, Aramina's emotions tended to head for wild and dangerous territory. Tonight, she wasn't prepared to pay the price for an outburst.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Jaydena heard Aramina draw in a deep breath before she spoke, "In the morning, I go before the whole Ajah and tell them why I would be Green Ajah. I think, I would like it if you joined me Jaydena Sedai, for a talk. I have had little time for friendly conversation in the past years. Perhaps you could talk to me of your own early days in the Battle Ajah?" Jaydena nodded and motioning to Aramina she began to walk. Aramina shut the door behind her and quickly caught up to her. She smiled at the girl and led the way out of the Tower and down into the gardens. As they walked she spoke, "Well my ajah head was Mandi Sedai and she was and still is a rough and tumble sort of green. Always ready to defend another Green but ready to knock them down if they endanger the ajah or the gaidin in any way. I did my battle weaves with her and learned not only art of the weave but also how to control and temper you gaidin and how to flirt with the best of them to gain your objective. Mandi believes that you can use your body if you have to for the better of the ajah. When I was a younger Sedai I agreed with her and followed her teachings."

 

Her mouth twisted and she walked forward to what looked like a wall covered in vines. Reaching into the vines she pushed them aside to reveal a wrought iron gate constructed to look to flowers growing rampant. Pulling a key that looked like the door from her bodice she unlocked the gate and walked inside. Once Aramina had followed her she shut the gate, locking it behind her, before leading the way into a garden of amazing beauty. Flowers grew up the walls, and fountains splashed away in many places. The coubblestones were many colors and formed a Aes Sedai shawl of color. Benches sat beside many of the paths and the colors shocked the eyes. A small shed sat in the corner of the garden, and inside were tools of the trade. She smiled at Aramina and took a seat at one of the benches, motioning for the woman to take a seat at the bench across from her own.

 

"This is Rashima's garden, I am sure you will have hear of the great green warrior named Rashima. This walled garden is known to only the greens and only a woman about to go before her ajah can learn the secret. The greens all consider it an honor to work the soil and protect the garden and when you become a green you will receive a key to the garden." Picking a deadhead off the rosebush next to her she returned to her story, "I broke many hearts as a young Aes Sedai and then I did the unthinkable, I fell in love with my own gaidin and then someone's elses gaidin. I don't recommend it." She sighed and continued, "It went on battles and I almost lost my life more times that I care to think about. Eventually my gaidin was killed and I had to endure the pain of that loss. There will always be a gap in my heart and in my head where his bond lay." She twirled the deadhead and waited to see what Aramina would say...

 

Jaydena Sedai

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Rashima's Garden. It seemed fitting to be sitting her tonight, talking of other days. She listened to Jaydena Sedai and took a deep breath at the thought of the loss the other Green had been through.

 

"I don't know if love is something I could ever accept." She said honestly. "Mine died long ago," she gave a small huff "in a green shawl. A Gaidin, if I could find one to match me, would be a weapon." She shook her head at the thought then looked back at Jaydena. "Or is that a fancy all unbonded sisters share? That their Gaidin will not become more than that? And yet, you bonded again, did you not?" She asked, hoping the Green would continue speaking.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

The took a seat and Aramina sat in silence for a few minutes before speaking, "I don't know if love is something I could ever accept. Mine died long ago, in a green shawl. A Gaidin, if I could find one to match me, would be a weapon." Jaydena's eyebrows raised, it wasn't often that other Sisters spoke about pillow friends, she had had one herself and she would have to warn Aramina about talking to freely. Though she would never share this info, others might, and some women might take advantage of her if they knew she leaned that way at all. "Or is that a fancy all unbonded sisters share? That their Gaidin will not become more than that? And yet, you bonded again, did you not?" Jaydena smiled softly and then spoke, "I'm sorry for your loss, I know what it is to lose a love and a sister as well, the wound never completely heals does it?" A sad smile echoed over her face before she continued, "Well a gaidin is so much more than a weapon, my gaidins have always been my friends, my best friends in fact. They feel everything you feel, suffer through her pains, both physical and not physical and share your joys as well. It'S very hard to keep anything from a gaidin, especially mine, they are all very persistant."

 

Laughing she continued, "After my gaidin died I wanted to kill myself, I tried too, stopped eating, stopped bathing, and soon stopped getting out of bed. My gaidin found my ex-lover and forced tjat gaidin to keep me alive, to make we want to live. They wouldn't give up on me not matter what, they are my family. Not all women fall in love with their gaidin, in fact many do not, many never fall in love at all. It's more common within the Green Ajah but not all of us do it. In fact very rarely do we fall in love with someone elses gaidin. Kind of hard to hide things from your sister when your sleeping with someone linked within her mind. I did bond again, a woman that was there when my gaidin died, then I bonded another woman and that didn't work out, she and I broke the bond and she moved on. Many thing happened in our lives to make it the best decision for both of us. I haven't bonded anyone else and don't know if I will. Do you have anyone in mind?"

 

Jaydena Sedai

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Aramina shook her head. "No, I have no one in mind. I think.." she paused before continuing. "I think I am not so ready to relive my grief with another. When I was a Novice, I used to laugh with my friend and we would joke about how many gaidan we would have and how many we would take as lovers, how many we would have as friends. The sort of fool nonsense that you whisper to one another in the dead of night when you are too tired to sleep but know you must. Now, I can't imagine letting anyone that close to me. But then again, I will be a Battle Sister, and how many battles lay ahead of me, alone if I don't bond?" She asked.

 

"A test of strength, I believe." She smiled bitterly. "A test I fail utterly. If I could go back and change things, I might have never made friends, to keep that pain from me, but then again I am who I am, in part because she surpassed me and became Aes Sedai and because she died before I could become a Sister. That is where I draw my determination from now." She said quietly. She didn't know why these relevations were being shared, but Aramina knew the truth about herself. She had spent years in her Accepted training just mourning, not moving forward in her studies or training. Just, surviving. In time she had decided the best way to honor Natalie was to continue with her quest to become a Green Sister.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

"No, I have no one in mind. I think.. I think I am not so ready to relive my grief with another. When I was a Novice, I used to laugh with my friend and we would joke about how many gaidan we would have and how many we would take as lovers, how many we would have as friends. The sort of fool nonsense that you whisper to one another in the dead of night when you are too tired to sleep but know you must. Now, I can't imagine letting anyone that close to me. But then again, I will be a Battle Sister, and how many battles lay ahead of me, alone if I don't bond?" Jaydena nodded, she understood this problem well, it hurt so much to lose her first gaidin that she didn't think she could ever go through the pain of bonding again, but she had to have those protectors, an Aes Sedai of the Green couldn't afford not to. "A test of strength, I believe. A test I fail utterly. If I could go back and change things, I might have never made friends, to keep that pain from me, but then again I am who I am, in part because she surpassed me and became Aes Sedai and because she died before I could become a Sister. That is where I draw my determination from now." Jaydena wanted to badly to reach out and hug this woman who needed the comfort, she knew who Aramina spoke of and she remembered how much it had hurt everyone when that young woman had died.

 

She smiled softly at Aramina and spoke, "I think it's wonderful that she has helped you get this far but there is more than that to you becoming Aes Sedai. You have a core of strength that supports you in all things, even if she hadn't been your friend you still would have made it this far." Turning a looking away she spoke again, "I lost my mintee, she was a close friend, she killed herself." Jade shook her head and swallowed back the tears that threatened. "She was in love with another sister who had just been raised with her, the woman and her were fighting and had broken up. My mintee didn't care to go on without her, she didn't want to live without her. Emily took the easy road out, she drew to much of the source and burned herself to death. The woman she had loved went into seclusion and hasn't been seen since. See she took the easy road rather than live without her love and you didn't. She slept with my lover, the one I spoke of earlier, got my lover drunk and seduced them in a inn. I had to forgive her for wanting the easy way out and for so much more." Turning her head she smiled at Aramina and waited for her to speak...

 

Jaydena Sedai

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Forgiveness was a concept Aramina had a passing aquaintance with. She had long ago forgiven her mother for raising her in such a cool, uncaring fashion. She had forgiven her siblings for being raised in their mother's warmth while she had to stay outside of it. She had even forgiven herself for being a product of that upbringing. But she would never forgive herself for Nat's death. Not that the Aes Sedai had died, but that Aramina hadn't been there. Aramina had still been an Accepted and had stayed suspended in her studies for years after because she hadn't been able to accept that blame. But she had come to terms with it, in her own fashion, and it had made her stronger, more determined than she had been before.

 

Now facing Jaydena Sedai it seemed like the confession had cemented those things in herself. "I think at the time I was far too numb to take action in anyway. Perhaps I would have gone that route if I had been able to, but in the end I simply stumbled about, making little headway in my studies and making people wonder if I would ever be ready for the shawl, no matter that I had the strength in the Power."

 

She took a deep breath and made sure her face was as composed as it should be before continuing on. "But the Battle Ajah is about sacrafice. If we can't move past that sort of loss, what sort of Sisters would we be?" A small smile graced her face as she looked at Jaydena. "There is a saying in Cairhien. Take what you want and pay the price. I just hope that the price to be Green Ajah is someday justified by the things that I can do here."

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Jaydena waited quietly for Aramina to answer as she reflected on the things that had happened. Falling in love with Jared and then meeting Seia. Realizing that she didn't love Jared the way she loved Seia and breaking up with him. Losing Seia to Sirayn when she was almost killed. Having Sirayn bonded to her love and promised had been one of the hardest things she had ever been through. Then having Seia start pursing her again and Jared losing his life at Namandar. Then being with Seia again, only to have Seia fall in love with Sirayn and finding out that Seia had cheated with Emily. Thinking Seia had been killed and losing Emily. So many things had happened to her over the years that it was hard to pick which one had been hardest to forgive. Her lips quirked as she considered another thing she had dealt with, Seia and Sirayn being tortured and her loss of friendship, realizing she loved the most stubborn and hard headed woman in the whole White Tower. Light how had she fallen in love with that brat, that brat who was now her boss.

 

She pushed the thoughts away as Aramina began to speak again, "I think at the time I was far too numb to take action in anyway. Perhaps I would have gone that route if I had been able to, but in the end I simply stumbled about, making little headway in my studies and making people wonder if I would ever be ready for the shawl, no matter that I had the strength in the Power. But the Battle Ajah is about sacrafice. If we can't move past that sort of loss, what sort of Sisters would we be?" Jade nodded her head in agreement, she didn't know the number of times she had wished she didn't have to just get over the heartache but that was the Battle Ajah. Aramina smiled at her and spoke again, "There is a saying in Cairhien. Take what you want and pay the price. I just hope that the price to be Green Ajah is someday justified by the things that I can do here." Jade nodded, "I have done so much good as a member of the Battle Ajah, I think the first time you go to the Borderlands and see the smiling faces of the people you just saved as your wiping Trolloc blood from your face it will all be worth it." She looked around and then spoke again, "Would you like to garden, I find it always helps me clarify my thoughts." She motioned to the garden shed...

 

Jaydena Sedai

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"I have done so much good as a member of the Battle Ajah, I think the first time you go to the Borderlands and see the smiling faces of the people you just saved as your wiping Trolloc blood from your face it will all be worth it."

 

Aramina nodded as she listened to Jaydena. There was something in her voice, a sense of pride in what she was, a sense of purpose. It was what called out to Aramina and made her continue on when she wanted to just cry, when something struck her so hard she wanted to let the facade down and just show what she really was to people. She wasn't sure what she would say to that, but Jaydena saved her from answering.

 

"Would you like to garden, I find it always helps me clarify my thoughts."

 

Aramina nodded again, following Jaydena as she moved through the garden to a small shed where the tools were contained. Jaydena handed her a pair of gloves and soon the two were working the weeds away.

 

It was an uncanny way to spend her time, digging in dirt. It wasn't something she did often and she had never enjoyed it as a child or as an adult, especially not when she had been forced to do it in her time in the White Tower. Tonight, it seemed to fit the dual nature she seemed to posses lately. She was who she was and nothing could change that, but time and distance cleared all things. Pain lessened and lonliness increased. She found herself looking forward to her time with Jaydena as she did her time with Orion, working the swords. At the same time she wanted nothing more than to emulate Sirayn Sedai, a woman she thought of as powerful and skillful. A woman that could teach the sort of things Aramina wanted badly to learn. The two seemed to be worlds apart and she couldn't consolidate it in her mind. She was Cairheinin and the Game was in her blood, had been a part of her childhood. But there was always a lonliness there. It hadn't been until she'd arrived at the Tower that she had even understood it, but then she made a real friend and she knew that she had been missing this all her life. Nat had left though and in Aramina's dealing with the world she became more and more aware of how the lonliness was shaping her again.

 

Which did she want to be? A woman with friends and warmth, with love and companionship? Or was she ready to become the schemer, the one to always watch her back and guard her heart. She just didn't know. Either way, she knew her path lay in the Green Ajah and that tomorrow she would meet the Green Sister's head on. Sirayn Sedai included.

 

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ooc= let me know when you are ready to go onto the second petition.

 

Jaydena saw Aramina nod and she led the woman to one of the sheds, set throughout the garden. Opening the door with her key, she looked inside and removed gardening gloves for both of them, two small shovels, and two small rakes. Grabbing a bag for deadheads, and two cushions to keep their dresses clean, she turned around and handed the items to Aramina. They walked back toward where they had sat and Jaydena knelt down, she began working in the dirt right away and saw Aramina doing the same. She smiled and began to consider her own thoughts. Life had never been easy for her, not since her mother became ill, before that she had had a happy childhood, with two parents and a brother and sister she loved to get into scrapes with. She had been engaged to a man as a teenager and had had to leave him behind to come to the tower. He had followed her to the Tower and she had ended up bonded to him, he had died when she was a very young Aes Sedai. Her first gaidin to be exact had died in her arms.

 

Followed by more than one person dying in her arms. Frankly she hoped she never had to deal with another person dying in her arms. She had seen enough death to last her life time, but she feared that didn't matter. Death found those in the battle ajah, like a moth to flame. She pulled another weed and tossed it into the bag, before she continued down the line of roses. Oh yes death would find her again and she only hoped that she would make it through the pain again. She had thought she was numb to pain when Seia had denied her love and would have nothing to do with her, but she had learned how wrong she was when Sirayn had come to her and kicked her from the Tower, acted as though they had never been best friends, striking a bargain with her, so that now Jaydena was a spy in the most accurate of terms, for her ajah head...

 

Jaydena Sedai

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  • 3 weeks later...

Aramina wasn't sure how long they had spent gardening. Lost in her thoughts and reflections, she had simply worked at the task at hand until she began to notice the slight ache in her back from bending over in a way she wasn't used to. As an Accepted she had spent more time hunched over her books than a garden and her time since then had hardly made it better.

 

She reached back and massaged her back lightly then looked over at Jaydena Sedai. She had brought her here, a place of reflection and reverence. In more ways than one really, since it had been Jaydena who had guided her since the days of her first petition. She took a chance then, one she was not used to taking.

 

"Thank you." She said hesitantly, breaking the peaceful silence that had been strung between them. "For your help and your guidance. It has been a difficult transition and i'm not sure how I would have done if you hadn't given me your support." She had been ordered to take Aramina in hand of course, but that didn't mean you had to support someone and Aramina knew the difference. The years after Natalie's death had shown her any number of people who had tried to move her forward when her studies had fallen. Most had not supported, but had tried to force. Perhaps if Jaydena had been the one back then it would have made a difference.

 

((OOC: Ready for Petition Number 2 when you are :P))

 

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Jaydena pulled the weeds and thought about how gardening was much like life. Sometimes the Creator pulled the bad ones out before they did to much damage and sometimes he missed some and they infested a huge amount more. Shaking her head at her whimsy she turned and looked at Aramina. The woman had already endured so much and it had only just begin. It hurt so much to lose someone, to lose a gaidin or a friend and Aramina would lose many many more before she passed away. She saw the woman messaging her back and realized that her own hurt as well and the sun was starting to lighten the sky. It was almost time for them to get ready. "Thank you. For your help and your guidance. It has been a difficult transition and I'm not sure how I would have done if you hadn't given me your support."

 

Jaydena smiled and laid a hand on the woman's shoulder, "It was an honor Aramina. You have been a star pupil and quick to learn. You haven't complained about your lot and that goes a long way with myself and the other Greens. I think it's time for you to go prepare for your second petition." She smiled and stood up, stretching quickly she felt the fabric tighten against her breasts and wondered if she needed to run an extra mile tomorrow. Jade knelt down and picked up the tools and stored them in the shed. The garden looked much better and she had spent alot of time thinking about her life and everything that had happened. Sometimes she thought these things were as much for the Sister as the Recruit. She turned back to Aramina and walked to the gate, she opened it with her key and they walked back to the Tower. When they reached the woman's room she motioned her inside and stood outside to wait. "I will be here when you are ready."

 

Jaydena Sedai

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Aramina didn't say anything to Jaydena as they walked through the garden and back to the Tower. Enough confidences had been shared tonight, more than Aramina had thought she would share with anyone since Nat had gone. Still, it had been good to talk to Jaydena, to talk to the woman that had helped her so much since her 1st Petition.

 

In her quarters, she quickly cleaned up and changed into clean clothes. She didn't have a lot yet, but she had held this one dress back for this occassion. It was a beautifully cut hunter green with different colored green slashes through the bodice. The necklace she put on was a simple rose with green leaves creeping up around her neck. Her hair was fixed to it's pile of braids and pinned curls, resting immaculately on the top of her head.

 

She took a moment to look in the mirror. It was a mistake to take the time because then her doubt started creeping up on her. How many changes did you get to become a Green Sister? What if she stood before Sirayn and they still found her wanting? She wasn't sure what she would do then. There was no other Ajah for her, no other purpose in her life. She would be Green Ajah or she would be nothing.

 

The thought strengthened her. She would face the Captain General with her head held strong and proud, no matter what else happened. She would be the strength she had once promised Natalie she could be. She would make her proud today. Yes, today was that day.

 

She took a moment to make sure everything was perfect, her composure more than anything, and with her facade carefully in place she made her way back out the door. She gave Jaydena a small smile. "I am ready Jaydena Sedai, for whatever may come."

 

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